The Man on Platform Five

by Robert Llewellyn

Gresham and Eupheme, half-sisters, have spent their lives fighting, so when their train breaks down it's inevitable they'll have an argument over the man they see videoing trains on the station platform. Eupheme believes it's possible to change sad anoraks like him into useful members of society; Gresham says he's that way for good. So they make a wager: Eupheme will turn this naff computer nerd into a suave, fashionable, interesting, attractive, contemporary man. A man even Gresham could fancy.

Ian Rignfold's penchant for obscure facts and his passion for dry goods displays make this a backbreaking task. Can he stop asking celebrities for autographs and talking about train timetables? Is he going to live with his mum forever?

Both women's confidence is supreme, and Ian doesn't mind one bit. For him, the fact that the future is female is something to be thankful for. He's having a wonderful time.

Genres: Fiction, Comedy, Humor

438 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads data base.

Robert Llewellyn is an English actor, presenter, and writer. He is best known for his roles as presenter of Scrapheap Challenge, and as the android Kryten in the hit sitcom Red Dwarf.

Reviews

[Shawn · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to line this. A book by Kryten off Red Dwarf? Has to be good, right? Well, with every character being unlikable, the authors insistence on mentioning his showbiz chums and fellow Red Dwarf cast members, and the repetition of annoying phrases made this an unenjoyable read. Tedious.

[Matt · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK, this was a bizarre book on so many levels. I got this book only bc Robert Llewellyn of Red Dwarf fame wrote it. The entire main cast of Red Dwarf (the individual actors excluding Llewellyn) makes appearances in it, so I got to geek out briefly. On the other hand, there are so many references to British comedy sketches and shows that I was a little lost. (I wasn't reading the book near my computer so I didn't bother to look them up.)
Also, the book was not funny in the least and I was hoping that a comedy actor would be able to write comedy. And yet, I got attached to the characters so I kept reading. And that's a feat bc the whole point of two of the characters is that they aren't likable to begin with.
Also, interesting cultural difference (England): Eupheme's makeover of nerdy Ian included making more politically correct. I guess I just don't think of nerds as using racist and homophobic language. Maybe lower-class nerds though.
Llewellyn also includes a lot of concrete details about the characters actions in his writing, but I never seemed to get bored by that.
And one thing I appreciate about the English (I'm overgeneralizing) is that they don't feel a need to wrap things up neatly. My favorite part about the last season of Red Dwarf was the bonus feature about the end of the show itself. They spoke very honestly about things that American commentaries aren't normally honest.

[Karschtl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite an unusual chick-lit book I would say, and some serious moments there in the book. The book is not for you if you look for something to laugh out loud.

Sometimes I didn't quite understand why Eupheme corrected so many things and words Ian used. I don't think that all of them are inacceptable, but I'm not British and that might be the reason for me not understanding.

I have to agree that the story does not sound very realistic. But at least I know now what 'train-spotters' do, although I still don't understand why they do it.

[Windy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Can you call it chick lit when it's written by a man? Well basically this is what this is. I didn't warm to any of the main characters and only finished it because: a) I wanted to find out how it ended and b) it was a bank holiday weekend and I was having a lazy few days.
I found the author (Red Dwarf actor and Scrapheap Challenge presenter) had an annoying habit of dropping famous people into the story, no doubt showbiz chums who asked to be included.

[Grant · Rating 3 out of 5]

i probably wouldnt have rated this one quite so highly apart from the fact that red dwarf got me through so many lean and mean periods in my life, which is not to say its no good. its just that its your standard issue tv comics' book, though a quite well done one, about the same or maybe slightly better than a ben elton say. can't remember any lols, but I did smile on occasion.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

A curious tale of a geek becoming a "project" for two women to see if they can turn him into a "normal" (whatever that is). It has been a while since I read it, but I remember lots of references to Robert Llewellyn's native Northamtonshire, former shoe making capitol of Britain. Wikipedia describes it "A modern gender-reversed re-telling of Pygmalion", which sounds about right.

[Andrew Gallagher · Rating 4 out of 5]

A competition over a train spotter who works in a supermarket, It actually works very well!

[James Kidd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this many, many years ago. Was pretty good.

[Neil · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's 'Pygmallion' to all intent and purposes. I mentioned this to the author at the time of its publication and guess what? He agreed with me. But it's no 'My Fair Lady'!