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Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships
In a world where women can unfriend each other with the swipe of a finger, how do we find friendships that we can trust to last? Maybe by first becoming those kinds of lasting friends ourselves.
As the community manager at the website incourage.me since 2010, Lisa-Jo Baker has had the chance to engage hundreds of conversations with women about friendship. She’s learned that no one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as deeply as unkind words from a friend. While we are all hungry for friendship, it’s the fear of feeling awkward and being rejected, left out, or hurt (again) that often keep us from connecting.
But what if we knew we could never be unfriended? Would we risk friendship then?
Starting with that guarantee from the most faithful friend who ever lived—Jesus—this book is a step-by-step guide to friendships you can trust. It answers the questions that lurk under the surface of every friendship—What are we afraid of? What can’t we change? What can we change? And where do we start?—with personal stories and practical tips to help you make the friends, and be the friend, that lasts.
As the community manager at the website incourage.me since 2010, Lisa-Jo Baker has had the chance to engage hundreds of conversations with women about friendship. She’s learned that no one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as deeply as unkind words from a friend. While we are all hungry for friendship, it’s the fear of feeling awkward and being rejected, left out, or hurt (again) that often keep us from connecting.
But what if we knew we could never be unfriended? Would we risk friendship then?
Starting with that guarantee from the most faithful friend who ever lived—Jesus—this book is a step-by-step guide to friendships you can trust. It answers the questions that lurk under the surface of every friendship—What are we afraid of? What can’t we change? What can we change? And where do we start?—with personal stories and practical tips to help you make the friends, and be the friend, that lasts.
208 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2017
153 people are currently reading
2013 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 160 reviews
August 3, 2017
1.5 stars
There are some good bits in this book, some truth, but there's also much I didn't like.
For starters, this is supposed to be a book about friendship. So when a point is brought up that our friends cannot ever satisfy or complete us the way Christ can (truth), it would make sense to use an example of when someone expected that of a friend and then learned better. Instead, Baker uses a very long story from her marriage. Over and over again, the author used her husband and children to illustrate points and I began to forget that I was reading a book on friendship, because it seemed so much more like a marriage and parenting read at times.
Baker also contradicted herself several times, as if she wasn't really sure how to say what she wanted to say. For instance, she mentions here and there that we can't be friends with everyone, and that we're not responsible for others' baggage or decisions (which would include their decision to not be friends with us). Then she turns around and says, "whether or not we have close friends is entirely in our own hands." (p 84) That's just not true. Whether or not we choose to be a good friend to others is up to us, but whether or not we have close friends is up to those other friends/non-friends, as well!
The author also falls into the trap of believing that every reader/woman is just like her. If she struggles with something, then we all struggle with it, apparently, and of course only the areas that she struggles with are touched on in the book. The book seems only half-finished, in a way, because of those blinders.
Her writing "style" isn't true style at all, it's just a bunch of fragmented sentences. (In my opinion, anyone who's taken an English class, let alone someone who considers herself a professional writer, should know how to construct a proper sentence.)
At the end of it all, this book just doesn't seem to be about friendship. There's not much here on making friends, or practical (and specific) tips for developing friendships. I don't recommend it.
There are some good bits in this book, some truth, but there's also much I didn't like.
For starters, this is supposed to be a book about friendship. So when a point is brought up that our friends cannot ever satisfy or complete us the way Christ can (truth), it would make sense to use an example of when someone expected that of a friend and then learned better. Instead, Baker uses a very long story from her marriage. Over and over again, the author used her husband and children to illustrate points and I began to forget that I was reading a book on friendship, because it seemed so much more like a marriage and parenting read at times.
Baker also contradicted herself several times, as if she wasn't really sure how to say what she wanted to say. For instance, she mentions here and there that we can't be friends with everyone, and that we're not responsible for others' baggage or decisions (which would include their decision to not be friends with us). Then she turns around and says, "whether or not we have close friends is entirely in our own hands." (p 84) That's just not true. Whether or not we choose to be a good friend to others is up to us, but whether or not we have close friends is up to those other friends/non-friends, as well!
The author also falls into the trap of believing that every reader/woman is just like her. If she struggles with something, then we all struggle with it, apparently, and of course only the areas that she struggles with are touched on in the book. The book seems only half-finished, in a way, because of those blinders.
Her writing "style" isn't true style at all, it's just a bunch of fragmented sentences. (In my opinion, anyone who's taken an English class, let alone someone who considers herself a professional writer, should know how to construct a proper sentence.)
At the end of it all, this book just doesn't seem to be about friendship. There's not much here on making friends, or practical (and specific) tips for developing friendships. I don't recommend it.
April 4, 2017
Unfriended.
That word.
That button is so easy to hit. One tiny tap, and boom, you are unfriended. Several years back a friend was going through a major life change and decided to unfriend a group of people from her 'old' life. I was one. She had been one of my closest friends and the rejection hurt. Another time a friend decided that if I didn't unfriend a mutual friend who hurt her, she was going to unfriend me. And then there have been a few times I was unfriended and have no idea why. Did I say or do something to hurt or offend? Was there any way to save the friendship?
Yes, I am talking about social media, but I am also talking about real life. Being unfriended hurts.
As women we crave deep friendships and lasting connections, yet, making and keeping these relationships isn't always easy. We are afraid to put the work into really getting to know someone. Then when we do, we hurt each other. We get offended. We set high expectations that we want our friends to met, then when they don't, we disregard the relationship.
In her new book, Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo Baker says, "Friends are hard work. Heck, people are hard work. There's no getting around it. The only way through is through. Through the knowing and the showing up and the forgiving and the laughing and the folding laundry together and the walking kids to school and the daring to do the ugly cry in front of each other."
Friendship is work. But when we put that work into it, when we do those hard times together, when we believe the best in our friends, when we commit our friends to daily prayer, the friendship is so worth it.
Lisa-Jo gives us the number 1 way to be a friend when she says, "This is the secret to finding and keeping lasting friendships: become women who want to see the women around them flourish." No more of this comparison stuff. No more of this competition. Let's look to see women do well, let's help them do well. Let's pray they flourish.
Never Unfriended is a must read! Lisa-Jo gets right to the heart of friendships. If you have ever been unfriended or if you are thinking of unfriending another, you will want to read Never Unfriended.
That word.
That button is so easy to hit. One tiny tap, and boom, you are unfriended. Several years back a friend was going through a major life change and decided to unfriend a group of people from her 'old' life. I was one. She had been one of my closest friends and the rejection hurt. Another time a friend decided that if I didn't unfriend a mutual friend who hurt her, she was going to unfriend me. And then there have been a few times I was unfriended and have no idea why. Did I say or do something to hurt or offend? Was there any way to save the friendship?
Yes, I am talking about social media, but I am also talking about real life. Being unfriended hurts.
As women we crave deep friendships and lasting connections, yet, making and keeping these relationships isn't always easy. We are afraid to put the work into really getting to know someone. Then when we do, we hurt each other. We get offended. We set high expectations that we want our friends to met, then when they don't, we disregard the relationship.
In her new book, Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo Baker says, "Friends are hard work. Heck, people are hard work. There's no getting around it. The only way through is through. Through the knowing and the showing up and the forgiving and the laughing and the folding laundry together and the walking kids to school and the daring to do the ugly cry in front of each other."
Friendship is work. But when we put that work into it, when we do those hard times together, when we believe the best in our friends, when we commit our friends to daily prayer, the friendship is so worth it.
Lisa-Jo gives us the number 1 way to be a friend when she says, "This is the secret to finding and keeping lasting friendships: become women who want to see the women around them flourish." No more of this comparison stuff. No more of this competition. Let's look to see women do well, let's help them do well. Let's pray they flourish.
Never Unfriended is a must read! Lisa-Jo gets right to the heart of friendships. If you have ever been unfriended or if you are thinking of unfriending another, you will want to read Never Unfriended.
June 14, 2018
Eh. I’ve heard Lisa-Jo on a couple of podcasts and loved what she had to say. I really wanted to like this book, but I honestly felt like it was a waste of my money. She has several good things to say, but I felt like her message would have been better as a blog post instead of a book. She had to try too hard to fluff it up enough to be book-length, and I found myself getting annoyed that so much of her fluffing included a ridiculous amount of quotes from other people. I don’t mind the occasional quote, but she went overboard. And I love a good personal anecdote that proves a point, but sometimes her stories were a stretch...especially the times she used her husband or kids as examples (it IS supposed to be a book about female friendship).
Probably my biggest issue, though, was the fact that this was a “Christian” book, but I felt like she threw around Jesus’ name and sprinkled in random scripture to prove HER points and opinions instead of digging into scripture and discovering how certain passages can be applied to friendship.
And pulling Jesus out of context really bugs me! For instance, this quote comes from a section where she’s talking about how we need to stop believing the lie that we’re not included, accepted, etc.:
“When our breath is raspy and gaspy from trying to live on a heart pumping the toxic lies...through our bodies, we will finally come to Christ and ask Him to remove the heart that is twisting us into a version of ourselves we can’t face in the mirror. And He will. He will rip His own bloody and still-beating heart out of his chest and graft it into ours.”
WHAT?!! Granted, she’s referencing Ezekiel 36:26 where God talks about removing the heart of stone and replacing it with a heart of flesh, but goodness gracious, she took that verse and ran several miles with it! And she did it in such a graphic, disgusting, non-scriptural way. When I got to that point, I decided I was skimming the rest of the book.
Honestly, all you really need to do is to go to the bookstore, flip through this book, read all of the chapter titles, section titles, and bold quotes, and you’ll have the best of everything she says. Like I said, I do feel like she makes some great points, but it just wasn’t worth the price of the book.
Probably my biggest issue, though, was the fact that this was a “Christian” book, but I felt like she threw around Jesus’ name and sprinkled in random scripture to prove HER points and opinions instead of digging into scripture and discovering how certain passages can be applied to friendship.
And pulling Jesus out of context really bugs me! For instance, this quote comes from a section where she’s talking about how we need to stop believing the lie that we’re not included, accepted, etc.:
“When our breath is raspy and gaspy from trying to live on a heart pumping the toxic lies...through our bodies, we will finally come to Christ and ask Him to remove the heart that is twisting us into a version of ourselves we can’t face in the mirror. And He will. He will rip His own bloody and still-beating heart out of his chest and graft it into ours.”
WHAT?!! Granted, she’s referencing Ezekiel 36:26 where God talks about removing the heart of stone and replacing it with a heart of flesh, but goodness gracious, she took that verse and ran several miles with it! And she did it in such a graphic, disgusting, non-scriptural way. When I got to that point, I decided I was skimming the rest of the book.
Honestly, all you really need to do is to go to the bookstore, flip through this book, read all of the chapter titles, section titles, and bold quotes, and you’ll have the best of everything she says. Like I said, I do feel like she makes some great points, but it just wasn’t worth the price of the book.
May 31, 2017
NEVER UNFRIENDED: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships is for every woman who has ever over-analyzed their relationship with women (and who among us hasn't?) We've mined our conversations, rehashing every detail to decide if we were wrong or if they were, if we need to apologize or they do. And why aren't I included in everything? Am I in the circle or out?
This book addresses many issues involved in friendship, from the fear of being hurt, o the fear of missing out, and the fear of being the new girl...
It also talks about what we can't do about it, what we can do about it, and where do you start?
My only issue in the book is that it seems to be a lot of tooting Ms. Baker's horn about what a great friend she is. . .
See someone you want to be friends with, but not sure how? This book will help you. An old friendship that died, this book will help you. And then there are all the nuances of friendship-- neighbors, church members, coworkers, etc that are somewhat friends, though maybe not necessarily close. And if you find yourself analyzing conversations this book is for you. Definitely timely, encouraging, and recommended for women of all ages. I was provided a free copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
This book addresses many issues involved in friendship, from the fear of being hurt, o the fear of missing out, and the fear of being the new girl...
It also talks about what we can't do about it, what we can do about it, and where do you start?
My only issue in the book is that it seems to be a lot of tooting Ms. Baker's horn about what a great friend she is. . .
See someone you want to be friends with, but not sure how? This book will help you. An old friendship that died, this book will help you. And then there are all the nuances of friendship-- neighbors, church members, coworkers, etc that are somewhat friends, though maybe not necessarily close. And if you find yourself analyzing conversations this book is for you. Definitely timely, encouraging, and recommended for women of all ages. I was provided a free copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
July 12, 2017
Never Unfriended had some really powerful points. I enjoyed reading it and thought it was written well for the most part.
A portion of the book had a lot of quotes from other people/books (of at least it seemed like a lot to me) and I don't know why exactly, but I didn't really care for that in this book. I guess just because it seemed like so many right in a row. :/
Still, I did like the book and am glad I read it. I just now want to read Beth Moore's book, Get Out of That Pit. ;)
*I received a complimentary eBook copy via NetGalley for my honest review. As always, all thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.*
A portion of the book had a lot of quotes from other people/books (of at least it seemed like a lot to me) and I don't know why exactly, but I didn't really care for that in this book. I guess just because it seemed like so many right in a row. :/
Still, I did like the book and am glad I read it. I just now want to read Beth Moore's book, Get Out of That Pit. ;)
*I received a complimentary eBook copy via NetGalley for my honest review. As always, all thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.*
May 16, 2017
We talked about this one on the podcast at work, and I was surprised to find I genuinely really enjoyed it and found so much of it relevant, meaningful, well-written, and thoughtful. The title led me to believe it would be a little cheesy or "trendy" in regards to social media terms, but it's really a wisely written and rich book with great thoughts about what it means to be a friend, have friendships, be in community, and follow Christ in our lives.
January 2, 2019
There are subjects that warrant a book and subjects better suited to a long blog post. The subject of this book is the latter.
June 1, 2017
10 Questions that Foster Thriving Friendships
In our virtual world, we can swipe away friends as easily as we send leftover mashed potatoes into the kitchen trash. We can polish our words and present ourselves as successful and popular, and even produce photos to back up our claim, but the longing of our hearts for true friendship — for genuine connection with another soul — has to happen apart from Insta-glitter or the shallow disclosure of a tweet.
In Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo Baker floats the notion that maybe our struggles with friendship happen because we are operating from wrong assumptions in our foundation. We carry baggage from bad past experiences forward as if they were gospel, and we encumber relationships with unrealistic expectations. We talk when we should listen, and we fret about our own small selves when our eyes should be open wide to spot the needs of the other women in the room.
As community manager for (in)courage, Lisa-Jo is the girl in charge of relationships for that online gathering of hearts, but she doesn’t claim to have it all together yet. We’re all friends-in-training together until we reach heaven. In the meantime, we live our way into our best relational selves and seek to fulfill our God-breathed desire for community in ways that glorify Him and serve others. Crashing into my own selfishness and self-protective strategies from the very first chapter of Never Unfriended, a list of ten questions bubbled their way into my thinking about friendship:
1. What would happen if I approached friendship from an active posture?
What if instead of asking, “Who will be my friend?” I asked “How can I be a friend?” The words of Jesus come to mind: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them. . .”
2. What lies are fueling my fear of or reluctance toward friendship?
Whether it’s a past friendship gone sour or wrong thinking about my own self-worth and relevance, these lies poison friendship going forward and must be rooted out and replaced with the Truth.
3. What’s the worst thing that can happen if I go first?
It turns out that we’re all still in middle school when it comes to being the new girl — or welcoming the new girl into our established group. Radical friendship maintains an open circle for others on the outside. A fierce commitment to community will fuel Brave and risk Awkward. Lisa shares the example of volunteering to host a group in her home when she had just moved to a new state and a new church. She took the risk and the result was a sweetly woven network of relationships.
When we keep score with the facets of friendship — Who texted last? Who’s turn is it to host this time? — and then hold back to wait for “justice,” our world becomes small and stingy. Lisa describes going first as “the cardinal rule of friendship.”
4. Am I willing to be radically inconvenienced?
Caller i.d. has made it possible for me to screen out undesirable contact at will. My busy homeschooling life gives me a ready-made excuse for “minding my own business.” However, if I live within safe boundaries of efficiency and time management, I’ll miss out on “Velveteen friendship” that loves off my rough edges. I’ll never become real.
Adrian Plass writes about incarnational relationships modeled on the example of Christ’s radical encounter with humanity: “Shouting stern advice at people through a megaphone from a very great height never did do much good.”
And it never did make for close friendship, either.
5. Do I use guilt to get my friendship needs met?
Particularly when distance is an issue, Lisa-Jo advocates for “Guilt-Free Friendship” in which there is no deadline for responding to emails and phone calls, in which each agrees to assume the best about motivations, and in which the tone is always generous and forgiving.
“Guilt-free friendship is the gift that women who are secure in their own sense of acceptance can give each other.”
6. Is it a joyful thing to me when I see that my friends are flourishing?
God is delighted when His children strive for the well-being of others. Taking a radical interest in the people around me, making time for their needs, and actively contributing to their success is clearly friendship in action.
7. How much time have I wasted being “fine?”
Fine is a lie that we tell out of a dusty soul.
Fine is plexi-glass protection for our image of perfection.
Fine is a deal-breaker in the economy of true friendship.
Never Unfriended challenges readers to “step out from behind fine” and offer friendship instead.
8. Am I ready to drop comparison and competition and embrace a co-op mentality?
Jealousy ruins the joy of the jealous, but it also stifles the celebration of its object. Better to rejoice in the truth that “there’s enough work in the Kingdom for everyone,” and to lean into the calling God has placed on my own soul than to be continually glancing over my shoulder to monitor the blessings of others with a resentful eye.
9. What if I’m not the center of the universe?
When I become caught up in the vortex of “I wonder what they’re thinking about me,” it’s helpful to be brought to the reality that it is unlikely that they are thinking about me . . . at all. This leaves me free to think about them, or to look around me, to notice the “people at my table” — to practice intentional self-forgetfulness in the interest of pursuing meaningful conversations that do not center around me.
10. Would the universe crumble if I gave my friend the benefit of the doubt?
What would happen if I believed the best about her instead of holding to the assumption that is clouding my brain at this moment? Lisa-Jo hazards a guess that (unless a relationship is so poisonous and bitter that we need to walk away) the outcome will be positive and surprising — although it may take time and patience. The grace of hoping and believing may have redemptive outcomes that could not have come any other way.
Friendship is hard work, but the alternative is a small, safe, and deeply lonely world. Furthermore, God uses the crucible of relationship to reveal to us the contents of our hearts, to refine us so that we know that we are “the real deal” all the way to the core.
You were friended, ultimately and irrevocably, by the God of universe, when He took on a body and joined us here in the neighborhood of humanity. If the life of Christ pulses within your veins and you have heard his “go and do likewise” — the next move is yours.
//
This book was provided by B&H Publishing Group in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
In our virtual world, we can swipe away friends as easily as we send leftover mashed potatoes into the kitchen trash. We can polish our words and present ourselves as successful and popular, and even produce photos to back up our claim, but the longing of our hearts for true friendship — for genuine connection with another soul — has to happen apart from Insta-glitter or the shallow disclosure of a tweet.
In Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo Baker floats the notion that maybe our struggles with friendship happen because we are operating from wrong assumptions in our foundation. We carry baggage from bad past experiences forward as if they were gospel, and we encumber relationships with unrealistic expectations. We talk when we should listen, and we fret about our own small selves when our eyes should be open wide to spot the needs of the other women in the room.
As community manager for (in)courage, Lisa-Jo is the girl in charge of relationships for that online gathering of hearts, but she doesn’t claim to have it all together yet. We’re all friends-in-training together until we reach heaven. In the meantime, we live our way into our best relational selves and seek to fulfill our God-breathed desire for community in ways that glorify Him and serve others. Crashing into my own selfishness and self-protective strategies from the very first chapter of Never Unfriended, a list of ten questions bubbled their way into my thinking about friendship:
1. What would happen if I approached friendship from an active posture?
What if instead of asking, “Who will be my friend?” I asked “How can I be a friend?” The words of Jesus come to mind: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them. . .”
2. What lies are fueling my fear of or reluctance toward friendship?
Whether it’s a past friendship gone sour or wrong thinking about my own self-worth and relevance, these lies poison friendship going forward and must be rooted out and replaced with the Truth.
3. What’s the worst thing that can happen if I go first?
It turns out that we’re all still in middle school when it comes to being the new girl — or welcoming the new girl into our established group. Radical friendship maintains an open circle for others on the outside. A fierce commitment to community will fuel Brave and risk Awkward. Lisa shares the example of volunteering to host a group in her home when she had just moved to a new state and a new church. She took the risk and the result was a sweetly woven network of relationships.
When we keep score with the facets of friendship — Who texted last? Who’s turn is it to host this time? — and then hold back to wait for “justice,” our world becomes small and stingy. Lisa describes going first as “the cardinal rule of friendship.”
4. Am I willing to be radically inconvenienced?
Caller i.d. has made it possible for me to screen out undesirable contact at will. My busy homeschooling life gives me a ready-made excuse for “minding my own business.” However, if I live within safe boundaries of efficiency and time management, I’ll miss out on “Velveteen friendship” that loves off my rough edges. I’ll never become real.
Adrian Plass writes about incarnational relationships modeled on the example of Christ’s radical encounter with humanity: “Shouting stern advice at people through a megaphone from a very great height never did do much good.”
And it never did make for close friendship, either.
5. Do I use guilt to get my friendship needs met?
Particularly when distance is an issue, Lisa-Jo advocates for “Guilt-Free Friendship” in which there is no deadline for responding to emails and phone calls, in which each agrees to assume the best about motivations, and in which the tone is always generous and forgiving.
“Guilt-free friendship is the gift that women who are secure in their own sense of acceptance can give each other.”
6. Is it a joyful thing to me when I see that my friends are flourishing?
God is delighted when His children strive for the well-being of others. Taking a radical interest in the people around me, making time for their needs, and actively contributing to their success is clearly friendship in action.
7. How much time have I wasted being “fine?”
Fine is a lie that we tell out of a dusty soul.
Fine is plexi-glass protection for our image of perfection.
Fine is a deal-breaker in the economy of true friendship.
Never Unfriended challenges readers to “step out from behind fine” and offer friendship instead.
8. Am I ready to drop comparison and competition and embrace a co-op mentality?
Jealousy ruins the joy of the jealous, but it also stifles the celebration of its object. Better to rejoice in the truth that “there’s enough work in the Kingdom for everyone,” and to lean into the calling God has placed on my own soul than to be continually glancing over my shoulder to monitor the blessings of others with a resentful eye.
9. What if I’m not the center of the universe?
When I become caught up in the vortex of “I wonder what they’re thinking about me,” it’s helpful to be brought to the reality that it is unlikely that they are thinking about me . . . at all. This leaves me free to think about them, or to look around me, to notice the “people at my table” — to practice intentional self-forgetfulness in the interest of pursuing meaningful conversations that do not center around me.
10. Would the universe crumble if I gave my friend the benefit of the doubt?
What would happen if I believed the best about her instead of holding to the assumption that is clouding my brain at this moment? Lisa-Jo hazards a guess that (unless a relationship is so poisonous and bitter that we need to walk away) the outcome will be positive and surprising — although it may take time and patience. The grace of hoping and believing may have redemptive outcomes that could not have come any other way.
Friendship is hard work, but the alternative is a small, safe, and deeply lonely world. Furthermore, God uses the crucible of relationship to reveal to us the contents of our hearts, to refine us so that we know that we are “the real deal” all the way to the core.
You were friended, ultimately and irrevocably, by the God of universe, when He took on a body and joined us here in the neighborhood of humanity. If the life of Christ pulses within your veins and you have heard his “go and do likewise” — the next move is yours.
//
This book was provided by B&H Publishing Group in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
July 6, 2018
I started this book a while ago, but my library loan ran out and I set it aside and placed a new hold on it. The first time I started reading it, I was not in the right place mentally or emotionally. The timing this second time around was perfect providence. I needed to hear this, right now, because I've been untethered.
I don't think I can understate how important reading this book has been for me. I've been desperately struggling the last few weeks with a lot of negative emotions and upheaval. Social media has been a toxic wasteland for me, and it's made me question my faith, my church, and many relationships recently. Some of that questioning is useful and revealing, but some of it has just been painful.
My biggest takeaway from this is that the enemy is the ruler of a scarcity mindset. He convinces us we are not enough, our relationships are not good, there is not enough work and belonging in God's kingdom for all of us to thrive.
Jesus' kingdom is rooted in abundance... extravagant and overflowing with kingdom work and belonging for all of us. God breaks us down and uses the small offering we have to feed the 5000. This is true in every aspect of our lives, faith, and every relationship. The Christian walk is rooted in generous giving because we are blessed with God's abundance. Any feeling of lack and dissatisfaction is a lie from the enemy.
Thank you, Lisa-Jo Baker!
I don't think I can understate how important reading this book has been for me. I've been desperately struggling the last few weeks with a lot of negative emotions and upheaval. Social media has been a toxic wasteland for me, and it's made me question my faith, my church, and many relationships recently. Some of that questioning is useful and revealing, but some of it has just been painful.
My biggest takeaway from this is that the enemy is the ruler of a scarcity mindset. He convinces us we are not enough, our relationships are not good, there is not enough work and belonging in God's kingdom for all of us to thrive.
Jesus' kingdom is rooted in abundance... extravagant and overflowing with kingdom work and belonging for all of us. God breaks us down and uses the small offering we have to feed the 5000. This is true in every aspect of our lives, faith, and every relationship. The Christian walk is rooted in generous giving because we are blessed with God's abundance. Any feeling of lack and dissatisfaction is a lie from the enemy.
Thank you, Lisa-Jo Baker!
April 3, 2017
Life support...
Being willing to weep with friends...
As long as I was with them I could keep the bits and pieces of myself from blowing away...
People are the glue that put other people back together again...
The words Lisa-Jo Baker wrote in Never Unfriended unfurl before me today, the 9th anniversary of losing my forever 20 year old son. The pages are tear stained. This book is balm of Gilead to my soul. I cannot read it quickly. It's to be savored. Bite by precious bite.
How can I thank Lisa-Jo Baker enough for putting words together that soothe wounds thought to be healed in this magnificent read?
These, her words, are glue to the soul...
Makes me want to be that kind of friend to others.
Being willing to weep with friends...
As long as I was with them I could keep the bits and pieces of myself from blowing away...
People are the glue that put other people back together again...
The words Lisa-Jo Baker wrote in Never Unfriended unfurl before me today, the 9th anniversary of losing my forever 20 year old son. The pages are tear stained. This book is balm of Gilead to my soul. I cannot read it quickly. It's to be savored. Bite by precious bite.
How can I thank Lisa-Jo Baker enough for putting words together that soothe wounds thought to be healed in this magnificent read?
These, her words, are glue to the soul...
Makes me want to be that kind of friend to others.
March 29, 2022
As an introvert who has had no move a lot as an adult due to work, I have seriously struggled with making friends. Everywhere I go, so many are still in their hometown and have their highschool/college buddies around. The attitude is often "I don't need more friends, stop butting in" Social settings are few and far between unless you are naturally social. I am more socially awkward, bordering on flat-out pathetic. Toss in a few years ago I lost my only truly good friend that withstood all the moves.
In relation to this book, I have been desperate to have real friend again. Something more that an acquaintance at work. Or on online facebook "friend" that I have never even met in person and likely doesn't know 5 things about me and vice-versa. So I dove in, hoping to unlock the secret to making friends.
It was actually insightful. It will take me out of my comfort zone more but I am hoping it will be worth it. But in a world where people LOVE to judge others on EVERYTHING I am scared and skeptical. Allow someone into my messy home? Fine for my more intimate family and such but what about first impressions? They might think I am always a slob, but if I clean, maybe a neat-freak! Other parts sound normal. Being there for them first. Be a friend, a help before they ask even. So parts are new others were reminders. How much this will help, only time will tell.
In relation to this book, I have been desperate to have real friend again. Something more that an acquaintance at work. Or on online facebook "friend" that I have never even met in person and likely doesn't know 5 things about me and vice-versa. So I dove in, hoping to unlock the secret to making friends.
It was actually insightful. It will take me out of my comfort zone more but I am hoping it will be worth it. But in a world where people LOVE to judge others on EVERYTHING I am scared and skeptical. Allow someone into my messy home? Fine for my more intimate family and such but what about first impressions? They might think I am always a slob, but if I clean, maybe a neat-freak! Other parts sound normal. Being there for them first. Be a friend, a help before they ask even. So parts are new others were reminders. How much this will help, only time will tell.
March 31, 2017
I took my time with this book so I could stop and think about each chapter and what it said about friendships. I loved Lisa-Jo's confessional, relatable style and found so many parts of this book that resonated with me and challenged me to think about the way I approach friendships. Sometimes the shorter, choppy sentences grated on me, as did the way the author sometimes used quotes from other sources as stand-alone sentences without an introduction, but this didn't really take away from the book's message.
Bottom line: If you're someone who has struggled with friendships, this book is for you. If you're someone who wants more out of your friendships, this book is for you. If you're someone who loves the friendships you have but want to be a better friend, this book is for you. I definitely recommend it!
Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book, but opinions are completely my own.
Bottom line: If you're someone who has struggled with friendships, this book is for you. If you're someone who wants more out of your friendships, this book is for you. If you're someone who loves the friendships you have but want to be a better friend, this book is for you. I definitely recommend it!
Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book, but opinions are completely my own.
August 30, 2018
I don't know where you are in your life right now, but as a 43 yo wife and mom to 4 who has had her ups and downs in the friend's department over the years, this book was the BOMB for me. I would recommend this book to every woman I know, but especially to the ones who feel like they struggle with friendships. The author shared so many personal stories about her own friendship mishaps and faux pas that I no longer felt alone in this struggle to find, make and KEEP friends. I say she knows your pain, girlfriend! She shares sound advice, tips, and encouragement for (as the subtitle says so perfectly) finding and keeping lasting relationships. :) Get this book to read yourself to be encouraged in fighting for friendships or get it to read with a group of friends to grow closer to each other and to God!
I received an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion...
I received an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion...
August 6, 2017
Really a great book with a great message, especially for a girl who struggles in the area of friendships like I do. Solid scriptural advice and practical tips. Great read.
September 6, 2017
SYNOPSIS:
In a world where women can unfriend each other with the swipe of a finger, how do we find friendships that we can trust to last? Maybe by first becoming those kinds of lasting friends ourselves.
As the community manager at the website incourage.me since 2010, Lisa-Jo Baker has had the chance to engage hundreds of conversations with women about friendship. She’s learned that no one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as deeply as unkind words from a friend. While we are all hungry for friendship, it’s the fear of feeling awkward and being rejected, left out, or hurt (again) that often keep us from connecting.
But what if we knew we could never be unfriended? Would we risk friendship then?
Starting with that guarantee from the most faithful friend who ever lived—Jesus—this book is a step-by-step guide to friendships you can trust. It answers the questions that lurk under the surface of every friendship—What are we afraid of? What can’t we change? What can we change? And where do we start?—with personal stories and practical tips to help you make the friends, and be the friend, that lasts.
MY RATING:
3.5 / 5 STARS
First, let me say thank you to the publisher, B & H Publishing, for sending me a copy of this book for review.
Second, let me acknowledge that I am marking this book as DNF (did not finish) as of now.
This book falls into the genre of Christian Living. Which, as a minister's wife, I tend to learn and grow from. This book had a lot of potential, as its topic is one of the most common aspects of female friendships. The premise behind this book is to help you understand why most female friendships tend to not be deep rooted or lasting. As a female in my mid-twenties, I can say that this is a very hurtful truth but a truth nonetheless. Female friendships suffer from more stigma, competitiveness, and emotional barriers than most other relationships in our day to day lives.
Things I did like about this book: I felt that this book went straight to the gut of the issue. It talks about how often the problem is a lack of vulnerability, and a willingness to not offer the unfiltered version of yourself up in friendships. The author walks you through stories and circumstances where being honest with very real, and perhaps not pretty parts of our lives, can often be the most freeing for most us and the other person. Being vulnerable in friendships allows the other person to do the same.
Things I did not like about this book: While I, myself, have found the above to true, I have also found it to be hurtful. As in, you open up to someone else in friendship. You offer the deepest, most broken parts of yourself, wanting a deeper connection only to have the other person reject you in some way. It's hurtful, and creates more of an emotional barrier for you to overcome the next time. I didn't see her delve into that at all. Granted, I am not finishing this book, so it might have show up later. (I'm finishing around 75% though.) Also, at first this book was incredible thoughtful and rich in its realness, but over time it became repetitive. Over and over again, she kept saying how the issue was our lack of opening ourselves up.
Also also, I didn't like that the title Never Unfriended made it seem like after this, you would never lose a friend again. Which, is highly unlikely to be the case.
In a world where women can unfriend each other with the swipe of a finger, how do we find friendships that we can trust to last? Maybe by first becoming those kinds of lasting friends ourselves.
As the community manager at the website incourage.me since 2010, Lisa-Jo Baker has had the chance to engage hundreds of conversations with women about friendship. She’s learned that no one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as deeply as unkind words from a friend. While we are all hungry for friendship, it’s the fear of feeling awkward and being rejected, left out, or hurt (again) that often keep us from connecting.
But what if we knew we could never be unfriended? Would we risk friendship then?
Starting with that guarantee from the most faithful friend who ever lived—Jesus—this book is a step-by-step guide to friendships you can trust. It answers the questions that lurk under the surface of every friendship—What are we afraid of? What can’t we change? What can we change? And where do we start?—with personal stories and practical tips to help you make the friends, and be the friend, that lasts.
MY RATING:
3.5 / 5 STARS
First, let me say thank you to the publisher, B & H Publishing, for sending me a copy of this book for review.
Second, let me acknowledge that I am marking this book as DNF (did not finish) as of now.
This book falls into the genre of Christian Living. Which, as a minister's wife, I tend to learn and grow from. This book had a lot of potential, as its topic is one of the most common aspects of female friendships. The premise behind this book is to help you understand why most female friendships tend to not be deep rooted or lasting. As a female in my mid-twenties, I can say that this is a very hurtful truth but a truth nonetheless. Female friendships suffer from more stigma, competitiveness, and emotional barriers than most other relationships in our day to day lives.
Things I did like about this book: I felt that this book went straight to the gut of the issue. It talks about how often the problem is a lack of vulnerability, and a willingness to not offer the unfiltered version of yourself up in friendships. The author walks you through stories and circumstances where being honest with very real, and perhaps not pretty parts of our lives, can often be the most freeing for most us and the other person. Being vulnerable in friendships allows the other person to do the same.
Things I did not like about this book: While I, myself, have found the above to true, I have also found it to be hurtful. As in, you open up to someone else in friendship. You offer the deepest, most broken parts of yourself, wanting a deeper connection only to have the other person reject you in some way. It's hurtful, and creates more of an emotional barrier for you to overcome the next time. I didn't see her delve into that at all. Granted, I am not finishing this book, so it might have show up later. (I'm finishing around 75% though.) Also, at first this book was incredible thoughtful and rich in its realness, but over time it became repetitive. Over and over again, she kept saying how the issue was our lack of opening ourselves up.
Also also, I didn't like that the title Never Unfriended made it seem like after this, you would never lose a friend again. Which, is highly unlikely to be the case.
April 16, 2017
In this era of social media “friends,” Baker calls us back to biblical friendship, to being a neighbor like the Samaritan. She encourages us to concentrate on being a friend rather than trying to get friends.
The book has several parts and they do not have to be read in order. The first part of the book deals with our fears, like the fear of being hurt (again). She helps us understand our relationship baggage and the need for forgiveness. The second part deals with aspects of a friendship over which we have no control and cannot fix. The next part relates what we can do about friendships and lastly, how to initiate them.
Baker includes great examples and stories to illustrate her principles. One that comes to mind was when she started a Bible study after being in a new church for a while. The women who came? Some had no close friends, even though they had been attending the church for years. Others felt useless and lonely. Baker was shocked. Wow, what a lesson on the opportunities we might be missing in facilitating friendships.
This is an encouraging book but it is also very realistic. Baker reminds us that we cannot successfully establish friendships in our image, exactly as we'd like them to be. We must accept others as they are, not trying to make them into our preconceived idea of a friend. Baker also tells us that we are not going to get all our needs met by our friends and disaster may result if we try. I really liked the sections on being willing to be imperfect and the importance of just being there in times of need.
I recommend this book to those who are ready to embrace the cost of true friendship. As Baker reminds us, the reward can be priceless.
I received a complimentary copy of this book through Icon Media. My comments are an independent and honest review.
The book has several parts and they do not have to be read in order. The first part of the book deals with our fears, like the fear of being hurt (again). She helps us understand our relationship baggage and the need for forgiveness. The second part deals with aspects of a friendship over which we have no control and cannot fix. The next part relates what we can do about friendships and lastly, how to initiate them.
Baker includes great examples and stories to illustrate her principles. One that comes to mind was when she started a Bible study after being in a new church for a while. The women who came? Some had no close friends, even though they had been attending the church for years. Others felt useless and lonely. Baker was shocked. Wow, what a lesson on the opportunities we might be missing in facilitating friendships.
This is an encouraging book but it is also very realistic. Baker reminds us that we cannot successfully establish friendships in our image, exactly as we'd like them to be. We must accept others as they are, not trying to make them into our preconceived idea of a friend. Baker also tells us that we are not going to get all our needs met by our friends and disaster may result if we try. I really liked the sections on being willing to be imperfect and the importance of just being there in times of need.
I recommend this book to those who are ready to embrace the cost of true friendship. As Baker reminds us, the reward can be priceless.
I received a complimentary copy of this book through Icon Media. My comments are an independent and honest review.
October 24, 2018
Picked this up to help me understand how to foster new friendships and to better navigate current ones where there are struggles, but I want desperately to maintain.
Read it to know how to”fix” my friends, to be able to tell them how “mean,wrong, an un-Christian they are.” How they hurt my feelings and logical sensibilities.
Imagine the conviction level when in the intro it was clear that friendships are never truly defined in what others do to or for us, but in the end about what we do for others.
So, yeah, it IS about me.
The entirety of the book addresses how women look at friendship as something passively received, not what we actively DO.
It slapped me ever gently with new understanding. It was written for women, focusing on specifics to this gender, yet transcends this with common sense writing about who you can control, which is only you.
It would be valuable to non-Christians too, and I promise there are valuable gains without feeling like you were preached to. My very favorite Bible verse was found in the midst of the book that reiterated its statement throughout:
“ if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” ROMANS 12:18
The very best chapter for me was “Give the Gift of the Benefit of the Doubt.” Showcasing how we stir up and overreact to perceived slights. Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true, and how “...when in doubt, believe the best about your friends” I’ve made a lot of mistakes in never really forgiving travesties, while overlooking my contribution to issues.
It doesn’t suggest being a doormat and there is a chapter in addressing the truly toxic relationships that can harm. But it does shine the light on our own role in active friendships.
This book was a fresh view and reminder of the value of friendships in our lives.
Read it to know how to”fix” my friends, to be able to tell them how “mean,wrong, an un-Christian they are.” How they hurt my feelings and logical sensibilities.
Imagine the conviction level when in the intro it was clear that friendships are never truly defined in what others do to or for us, but in the end about what we do for others.
So, yeah, it IS about me.
The entirety of the book addresses how women look at friendship as something passively received, not what we actively DO.
It slapped me ever gently with new understanding. It was written for women, focusing on specifics to this gender, yet transcends this with common sense writing about who you can control, which is only you.
It would be valuable to non-Christians too, and I promise there are valuable gains without feeling like you were preached to. My very favorite Bible verse was found in the midst of the book that reiterated its statement throughout:
“ if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” ROMANS 12:18
The very best chapter for me was “Give the Gift of the Benefit of the Doubt.” Showcasing how we stir up and overreact to perceived slights. Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true, and how “...when in doubt, believe the best about your friends” I’ve made a lot of mistakes in never really forgiving travesties, while overlooking my contribution to issues.
It doesn’t suggest being a doormat and there is a chapter in addressing the truly toxic relationships that can harm. But it does shine the light on our own role in active friendships.
This book was a fresh view and reminder of the value of friendships in our lives.
August 23, 2017
Man, this book seemed to speak straight to my soul. And I have to be honest I thought this book would sort of validate my feelings of loneliness but it did so much more than that. First, it reminded me that I am not alone in these feelings. It unpacked my fears about opening myself up to the possibility that friendship does come with pain but it reiterated that when the pain subsides and the struggle is overcome, the joy and meaningfulness that develops is exactly what Christ intended for us.
Each chapter is filled with some ugly lies I believe about myself and my friendships but Lisa-Jo Baker shines God's truths into those dark places and offers readers her experiences to defeat the enemy's endgame "severing our ties to community" and helpful suggestions to build friendships that endure because "we were built for friendship".
What I appreciated about this book is that it not only revealed issues I was internalizing but its focus directed me to what I can actively do to open myself up to new friendships, how I can nurture the friendships around me, and that I can live in the freedom of knowing that the ultimate friend, Jesus, chose me and that my value and worth are in Him.
I only gave this book 4* because I think a set of reader questions would've enhanced each chapter and allowed this book to be used in a group study atmosphere. Overall, this is a book I'll definitely recommend to all the girls/women in my life.
Each chapter is filled with some ugly lies I believe about myself and my friendships but Lisa-Jo Baker shines God's truths into those dark places and offers readers her experiences to defeat the enemy's endgame "severing our ties to community" and helpful suggestions to build friendships that endure because "we were built for friendship".
What I appreciated about this book is that it not only revealed issues I was internalizing but its focus directed me to what I can actively do to open myself up to new friendships, how I can nurture the friendships around me, and that I can live in the freedom of knowing that the ultimate friend, Jesus, chose me and that my value and worth are in Him.
I only gave this book 4* because I think a set of reader questions would've enhanced each chapter and allowed this book to be used in a group study atmosphere. Overall, this is a book I'll definitely recommend to all the girls/women in my life.
March 15, 2022
This book was realistic in acknowledging common struggles and thought patterns experienced by women, particularly around comparison, needing to “have it all together” around each other and the tendency to place inflated expectations on friendships. The author drew out these tensions and shared a number of helpful application points to try in different situations to help connect or cultivate connection with other women.
While I appreciated the above, I was bothered by how this was positioned as a book about faith and friendship.
I feel many of the Scriptures were picked and chosen to fit a point made by the author, without proper attention to the verses’ placement, meaning, or how they magnify Jesus. This approach concerns me, particularly facing women. Oftentimes, the verse would feel like a stamp of approval for self, rather than a starting point or foundation to draw out who God is in detail and let that inform our view of self. There is also a condescending or foul proof tone at multiple points in the book that gave me much pause. I would be hesitant to recommend this book, but I am walking away with some ideas on how to be more intentional with other women.
While I appreciated the above, I was bothered by how this was positioned as a book about faith and friendship.
I feel many of the Scriptures were picked and chosen to fit a point made by the author, without proper attention to the verses’ placement, meaning, or how they magnify Jesus. This approach concerns me, particularly facing women. Oftentimes, the verse would feel like a stamp of approval for self, rather than a starting point or foundation to draw out who God is in detail and let that inform our view of self. There is also a condescending or foul proof tone at multiple points in the book that gave me much pause. I would be hesitant to recommend this book, but I am walking away with some ideas on how to be more intentional with other women.
April 4, 2017
I love reading Lisa-Jo’s writing. She is always fun and engaging and encouraging, and this new book about friendship is sure to be helpful to many women. In Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo shares many stories from her real life, both the good and the painful. The reader knows that the author is someone who “gets it.” She understands the difficulties women face in friendship, and she has the encouragement we need to press on in friendship. After reading this book, you will know that you can be brave and risk friendship again. Because of Jesus, the One who will never unfriend you, you can be courageous and love others lavishly.
I received an advance reader’s copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
I received an advance reader’s copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
June 23, 2020
As soon as I finished this book, I made the decision to read it again in a couple of months, and read it at least once every year.
Lisa-Jo is like a best friend who addresses some of the most challenging and painful things about friendship - and speaks God’s life and truth into them.
As she does so, she is so beautifully vulnerable and transparent, that you can’t help but feel like you are not alone, that you are understood. As women, most of us struggle with similar issues because we care about relationships, about friendships, about people. Lisa-Jo unwraps some of the reasons behind this, and shares some of her wisdom and experience in how to figure them out.
Was very blessed by this book!
Lisa-Jo is like a best friend who addresses some of the most challenging and painful things about friendship - and speaks God’s life and truth into them.
As she does so, she is so beautifully vulnerable and transparent, that you can’t help but feel like you are not alone, that you are understood. As women, most of us struggle with similar issues because we care about relationships, about friendships, about people. Lisa-Jo unwraps some of the reasons behind this, and shares some of her wisdom and experience in how to figure them out.
Was very blessed by this book!
April 3, 2017
I was provided an advanced copy of this book as part of the launch team.
I couldn't figure out why I struggled to fully commit to new friendships until reading this book. I have long struggled with friendship PTSD from broken relationships and past hurts. Lisa-Jo's book brought these issues to the surface and I was able to make peace with them and work on moving on to healthier relationships.
Lisa-Jo weaves scripture in to her raw and authentic stories in a way that is powerful and easily empathized. I find myself looking back over this book daily and pulling out new pieces to mull over.
I couldn't figure out why I struggled to fully commit to new friendships until reading this book. I have long struggled with friendship PTSD from broken relationships and past hurts. Lisa-Jo's book brought these issues to the surface and I was able to make peace with them and work on moving on to healthier relationships.
Lisa-Jo weaves scripture in to her raw and authentic stories in a way that is powerful and easily empathized. I find myself looking back over this book daily and pulling out new pieces to mull over.
July 16, 2017
If you ever been unfriended or thinking of unfriending someone, this book is a must read. Lisa, spoke with various of women and their painful experiences they had with other women. She offers practical advice on what true friendship really looks like, and suggest that, what you are looking for in a friendship can start with you being that friend you are longing for.
April 4, 2017
It starts with the idea that with one right or left swipe we can make or break a friendship. Completely agree. The topic is not bad. Although this is not the first book I've read on the topic, there were some new insights the author shared that made sense. I have never read a Lisa-Jo Baker signed book before, but I like her writing style. She's funny, but without distracting from the point she's trying to make, she's honest in a comforting way that helps you as a reader relate, she's encouraging and ready to give a pep talk.
There were a lot of quotes from other authors. It was nice to see what they had to say, but at times it felt as if there were too many and she kept repeating their words. Yes, they fit the context, but maybe less quoting? However, this was mostly seen in the first part of the book. The second part focused more on a practical side of friendship, on the author's experiences, on snippets of her life and her friends'. I am all for an author sharing concrete pieces of life to make a point clearer.
I don't know why this book was a slow read. I do recommend it mostly as a group read among friends, but not exclusively. The observations she makes and the new to me angles she looks at friendship from make this a timely book.
I received a free e-book copy of the book from the publisher via Net Galley. All thoughts expressed here are my own.
There were a lot of quotes from other authors. It was nice to see what they had to say, but at times it felt as if there were too many and she kept repeating their words. Yes, they fit the context, but maybe less quoting? However, this was mostly seen in the first part of the book. The second part focused more on a practical side of friendship, on the author's experiences, on snippets of her life and her friends'. I am all for an author sharing concrete pieces of life to make a point clearer.
I don't know why this book was a slow read. I do recommend it mostly as a group read among friends, but not exclusively. The observations she makes and the new to me angles she looks at friendship from make this a timely book.
I received a free e-book copy of the book from the publisher via Net Galley. All thoughts expressed here are my own.
April 12, 2017
I generally have a hard time reading non-fiction books, but I am always drawn to ones about friendship, because friendship is HARD. Lisa-Jo Baker totally gets it. In her book Never Unfriended you'll find stories and advice that meet you where you are and that give you the courage to take action. I definitely recommend it!
May 3, 2017
I picked up Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker. I had heard Baker talk about her book on a few podcasts and decided I needed to actually dig into what her book said.
The title was a really big stumbling block for me. Baker's premise is that we should not unfriend those in our lives when things get hard. And her point is that just because it is so easy to unfriend someone on social media does not mean that's the way we should be treating our friendships in real life.
I decided to set aside my preconceived notions about the title and read this book.
Never Unfriended is broken up into four parts:
1. What are We Afraid Of?
2. What Can't We Do About It?
3. What Can We Do About It?
4. Where Do We Start?
The first part was probably the most beneficial for me. As Baker breaks down the problem with friendship, she addresses the way we bring our brokenness from old friendships into every new friendship. And how that actually harms the friendships we try to build in new arenas because we can't separate the old hurt from the new person.
Baker continues to develop healthy, biblical ways to build friendships. I often found myself frustrated with the last three parts of the book. Not because she wasn't speaking truth, but because the type of friendship she is describing in this book is something I don't know that I've ever been able to experience in my life.
Towards the end of the book, Baker asserts that we have to stop desiring to be part of the "in crowd" because there is always someone on the outside of some group. While I agree with the general premise, I do believe that some people actually have a harder time fitting into any group, and that makes the desire to be a part of a group not unhealthy.
I don't think that it was Baker's intention to shame anyone who struggles with friendship, but I occasionally felt overwhelmed with all of the things that Baker asserts are required for friendship. As I was processing parts of the book with a friend, I made the exasperated comment that friendship like this only works when the other person is willing to dive in too.
I think that Baker hopes women will remember to keep asking, keep inviting, keep inserting themselves into others lives. As I realistically consider this, especially having experienced being the "new person" fairly recently, it's not always possible to always be the one asking. Sometimes it takes someone already established to do some reaching out. I wish that Baker would have addressed the exhaustion that can come from feeling like you always are the one reaching out without having much of that reciprocated.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley and B&H Books. This review is my own, honest opinion.
The title was a really big stumbling block for me. Baker's premise is that we should not unfriend those in our lives when things get hard. And her point is that just because it is so easy to unfriend someone on social media does not mean that's the way we should be treating our friendships in real life.
I decided to set aside my preconceived notions about the title and read this book.
Never Unfriended is broken up into four parts:
1. What are We Afraid Of?
2. What Can't We Do About It?
3. What Can We Do About It?
4. Where Do We Start?
The first part was probably the most beneficial for me. As Baker breaks down the problem with friendship, she addresses the way we bring our brokenness from old friendships into every new friendship. And how that actually harms the friendships we try to build in new arenas because we can't separate the old hurt from the new person.
Baker continues to develop healthy, biblical ways to build friendships. I often found myself frustrated with the last three parts of the book. Not because she wasn't speaking truth, but because the type of friendship she is describing in this book is something I don't know that I've ever been able to experience in my life.
Towards the end of the book, Baker asserts that we have to stop desiring to be part of the "in crowd" because there is always someone on the outside of some group. While I agree with the general premise, I do believe that some people actually have a harder time fitting into any group, and that makes the desire to be a part of a group not unhealthy.
I don't think that it was Baker's intention to shame anyone who struggles with friendship, but I occasionally felt overwhelmed with all of the things that Baker asserts are required for friendship. As I was processing parts of the book with a friend, I made the exasperated comment that friendship like this only works when the other person is willing to dive in too.
I think that Baker hopes women will remember to keep asking, keep inviting, keep inserting themselves into others lives. As I realistically consider this, especially having experienced being the "new person" fairly recently, it's not always possible to always be the one asking. Sometimes it takes someone already established to do some reaching out. I wish that Baker would have addressed the exhaustion that can come from feeling like you always are the one reaching out without having much of that reciprocated.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley and B&H Books. This review is my own, honest opinion.
May 18, 2017
I liked this book and I'm really thankful to have found a book about friendship that is rooted in the Word! I've always struggled with insecurity within my friendships and really value the wisdom and advice that Lisa-Jo Baker brings in this book. I loved the personal stories she shares - very relatable! The only thing that bothered me about this book was the amount of quotes from other people in the first half of the book. It seemed a little excessive to me. But overall, great book! Excited to apply some of the things in this book to my everyday life!
April 4, 2017
I found Lisa's book to be shared from a very real perspective and gently thought provoking in dealing with my own friendships. In today's world of fast and furious social media relationships while people sit alone at home, I would say this is a must read.
August 9, 2017
Have you ever felt betrayed or let down by a friend? How about when someone “unfriends” you on Facebook? Or maybe you just have a hard time making friends?
Author Lisa-Jo Baker takes us into a study of “friendship” and gets down to the “nitty gritty” of relationships, how to manage them and how to grow them.
Lisa- Jo examines all the reasons why relationships work, don’t work and why we may be afraid of them.
This book is for the hurt women, the women who wish they had sisters, women who are the why wasn’t I invited women.
Being in ministry, it helped me understand relationships better, I have seen the cliques, I have heard “We cannot invite them, it would show favoritism”. I know what it feels like to be “unfriended”.
I also like that the author brings out that inter net has opened a whole bunch of new super highways of opportunities to covet our neighbor’s life with our social media we are able to look into our friends lives deeper and we know when we have been slighted, forgotten, not invited, or even unfriended.
I was also delighted that the author uses Biblical illustrations and verses to get her points across to the reader.
Have you ever felt betrayed or let down by a friend? How about when someone “unfriends” you on Facebook? Or maybe you just have a hard time making friends?
Author Lisa-Jo Baker takes us into a study of “friendship” and gets down to the “nitty gritty” of relationships, how to manage them and how to grow them.
Lisa- Jo examines all the reasons why relationships work, don’t work and why we may be afraid of them.
This book is for the hurt women, the women who wish they had sisters, women who are the why wasn’t I invited women.
Being in ministry, it helped me understand relationships better, I have seen the cliques, I have heard “We cannot invite them, it would show favoritism”. I know what it feels like to be “unfriended”.
I also like that the author brings out that inter net has opened a whole bunch of new super highways of opportunities to covet our neighbor’s life with our social media we are able to look into our friends lives deeper and we know when we have been slighted, forgotten, not invited, or even unfriended.
I was also delighted that the author uses Biblical illustrations and verses to get her points across to the reader.
Author Lisa-Jo Baker takes us into a study of “friendship” and gets down to the “nitty gritty” of relationships, how to manage them and how to grow them.
Lisa- Jo examines all the reasons why relationships work, don’t work and why we may be afraid of them.
This book is for the hurt women, the women who wish they had sisters, women who are the why wasn’t I invited women.
Being in ministry, it helped me understand relationships better, I have seen the cliques, I have heard “We cannot invite them, it would show favoritism”. I know what it feels like to be “unfriended”.
I also like that the author brings out that inter net has opened a whole bunch of new super highways of opportunities to covet our neighbor’s life with our social media we are able to look into our friends lives deeper and we know when we have been slighted, forgotten, not invited, or even unfriended.
I was also delighted that the author uses Biblical illustrations and verses to get her points across to the reader.
Have you ever felt betrayed or let down by a friend? How about when someone “unfriends” you on Facebook? Or maybe you just have a hard time making friends?
Author Lisa-Jo Baker takes us into a study of “friendship” and gets down to the “nitty gritty” of relationships, how to manage them and how to grow them.
Lisa- Jo examines all the reasons why relationships work, don’t work and why we may be afraid of them.
This book is for the hurt women, the women who wish they had sisters, women who are the why wasn’t I invited women.
Being in ministry, it helped me understand relationships better, I have seen the cliques, I have heard “We cannot invite them, it would show favoritism”. I know what it feels like to be “unfriended”.
I also like that the author brings out that inter net has opened a whole bunch of new super highways of opportunities to covet our neighbor’s life with our social media we are able to look into our friends lives deeper and we know when we have been slighted, forgotten, not invited, or even unfriended.
I was also delighted that the author uses Biblical illustrations and verses to get her points across to the reader.
March 21, 2019
Not what I expected at first, but just what I needed. Ms. Baker says that the devil delights in keeping people away from other people. Satan knows that the power of love is in relationship and he's dedicated to cutting us off from God and others. That's what happened to me. I feel alone, even when I'm with other people. For me, relationships are where good things happen and where fears come true. But God has assured me that He's all I need and Ms. Baker writes about that unending friendship with God.
The first few chapters talked about fears and social media obsessions. I could relate to all of this, but the book didn't really hook me and start speaking to my needs until the end of chapter 4 when it spoke about unfriending people. I unfriend people that don't meet my needs or expectations; or people unfriend me because I'm too this or too that. I had heard that others couldn't meet my needs before, but it never sank in like it did when I read chapter 5. Just like the author, I thrive on words of affirmation. I've read Jeremiah 15:16 about the prophet eating God's words, but I hadn't thought about feasting on His words to fill up my needs. I have made friends and family into idols (pg 68) and tried to be satisfied with their affection and opinions more than God's. Chapter 5 had words I needed to hear - about how God is what I need and will meet my needs, and how to let people be what they are and not meet my needs. Chapter 12 also helped me. Voices in my head, perceived slights, wanting to speak when I should listen, or not letting go of being right are definitely friendship killers. And chapter 13 had great advice that I've learned before on going to God with emotions and conflict before going to a person. Get the personal side and emotion out of the issue, pray and then approach a person if necessary but be slow to speak and quick to listen.
My only disappointment is that some of the scriptures the author uses seem to be chosen to fit her point rather than taken as they were written, without adding meaning to them that wasn't intended. I think that's a current problem in the church. We read scripture and assign our understanding or meaning to it rather than dig for what the author and God meant by it.
This was a perfect book to be reading during a conflict at work. It's been brewing for over a year. God told me to follow Exodus 14:14 and let Him fight for me, just be calm or still. So I prayed and stayed with Him and God had others and managers advocate for me. Now, in the aftermath, I could avoid people or talk about them. I want to unfriend them, then I remember the author's words of wisdom - that's not what Jesus would do. So I didn't unfriend the drama queens, or the ones accusing me, talking about me and blaming me. I went to God - He'll take care of me and defend me. I just need to be still - and not unfriend my co-workers, my teammates, for being human.
The first few chapters talked about fears and social media obsessions. I could relate to all of this, but the book didn't really hook me and start speaking to my needs until the end of chapter 4 when it spoke about unfriending people. I unfriend people that don't meet my needs or expectations; or people unfriend me because I'm too this or too that. I had heard that others couldn't meet my needs before, but it never sank in like it did when I read chapter 5. Just like the author, I thrive on words of affirmation. I've read Jeremiah 15:16 about the prophet eating God's words, but I hadn't thought about feasting on His words to fill up my needs. I have made friends and family into idols (pg 68) and tried to be satisfied with their affection and opinions more than God's. Chapter 5 had words I needed to hear - about how God is what I need and will meet my needs, and how to let people be what they are and not meet my needs. Chapter 12 also helped me. Voices in my head, perceived slights, wanting to speak when I should listen, or not letting go of being right are definitely friendship killers. And chapter 13 had great advice that I've learned before on going to God with emotions and conflict before going to a person. Get the personal side and emotion out of the issue, pray and then approach a person if necessary but be slow to speak and quick to listen.
My only disappointment is that some of the scriptures the author uses seem to be chosen to fit her point rather than taken as they were written, without adding meaning to them that wasn't intended. I think that's a current problem in the church. We read scripture and assign our understanding or meaning to it rather than dig for what the author and God meant by it.
This was a perfect book to be reading during a conflict at work. It's been brewing for over a year. God told me to follow Exodus 14:14 and let Him fight for me, just be calm or still. So I prayed and stayed with Him and God had others and managers advocate for me. Now, in the aftermath, I could avoid people or talk about them. I want to unfriend them, then I remember the author's words of wisdom - that's not what Jesus would do. So I didn't unfriend the drama queens, or the ones accusing me, talking about me and blaming me. I went to God - He'll take care of me and defend me. I just need to be still - and not unfriend my co-workers, my teammates, for being human.
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