How to Forgive: A Step-By-Step Guide

by Jean Monbourquette

A practical way to make true progress past the dead end of resentment and revenge. "What does it take to forgive?" asks John Monbourquette, best-selling author, psychologist and priest. His answer is a unique twelve-step guide which offers profound and practical advice on overcoming the emotional, spiritual and psychological blocks to true forgiveness. Monbourquette begins by exploring the nature of forgiveness and exploding some of the myths. He shows how essential forgiveness is for us all, whatever our beliefs. Forgiveness touches on all aspects of the human person, the biological and psychological as well as the spiritual. He then takes the reader through his twelve-step healing process, providing practical exercises, case histories, anecdotes and even poetry along the way. How to Forgive is an honest and touching book which unlocks the liberating and transformative power of forgiveness.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help

Paperback

First published January 1, 1992

About the author

JEAN MONBOURQUETTE, psicoterapeuta y profesor en el Instituto de pastoral de la Universidad Saint-Paul de Ottawa, es doctor en psicología por el International College de Los Ángeles. Licenciado en teología, posee también sendos "master" en filosofía y en educación por la Universidad de Ottawa, y en psicología clínica por la Universidad de San Francisco. Ha publicado en Editorial Sal Terrae: Como perdonar (4ª ed.): Reconciliarse con la propia sombra (2ª ed.) y Crecer.

Reviews

[Sandrine Cuvelier]

Très bon livre pour comprendre le pardon et comment avancer quand on a été blessé très fortement.
La compréhension que pardonner c’est d’abord à nous, à ce que nous avons autorisé à nous laisser faire, à avoir fait confiance à l’autre, en l’autre et dépasser ce sentiment pour être en paix. L’autre et le pardon donné à l’autre n’est pas la solution.

[rosesamongthorns]

Thought provoking and deeply disturbing. I don't think I can make it to step 12. I think I'm stuck in the middle of the process. The book clarifies most of the old belief I have about forgiveness. I just don't think I can make it. : (

[Erika]

In depth analysis of the process-path of pardoning and its importance in our inner life. Heard about it on KTO La Foi prise au mot.

[Adriana P.]

I had serious issues with reading this book. In the end it resumed that it was too into religion for me.

I was encouraged to read this book by my psychologist and I have to admit most of the things it said I found really a source to think about what kind of forgiveness I was giving away to the people who hurt me and what were the real motives that led me to give it. However, I found the book hard to completely enjoy since it was too religious for me.

Since this seems to be the line trough which the author writes, given that, if I understood correctly, he's also a priest, I don't plan on reading any other of the books he wrote.

[Edna-Pier Laporte]

J'ai découvert ce livre dans une boîte à livres et son titre a immédiatement attiré mon attention.

Il m'a fallu un certain temps pour le lire, car il regorge d'informations, d'exemples et d'exercices. J'ai eu un peu de mal à me connecter à certaines parties pour ces raisons, mais j'ai trouvé les informations très pertinentes.

Le passage qui m'a le plus marqué est celui où l'on évoque la possibilité de revivre certaines situations du passé ou même d'engager une conversation avec son enfant intérieur pour se pardonner ou pardonner à autrui.

Bien que je lui ai attribué une étoile, je recommande tout de même ce livre, car il m'a beaucoup appris.

[Roxanna Cross]

2.5 stars
This book was assigned to me to read by my psychologist and If it had not been “homework” this would have been a dnf book for me because this was like reading sermons after sermons I might as well went sit in church for 2 hours and talk to my priest about forgiveness. I thought it was the religious aspect that wasn’t my cup of tea but it’s also the examples provided to bring about forgiveness that really got my hackles up. Something to discuss at my next therapy session.

[Mckinley]

Starts by going over some myths of forgiveness then moves into part 2 covering 12 steps of forgiveness to work on/through to achieve forgiveness. Exercise follow keep step.
1. Decide against seeking revenge and put a stop to the offense
2. Recognize our pain
3. Share with someone
4. Identify what we have lost and grieve it
5. Accept our anger and desire for revenge
6. Forgive ourselves
7. Start to understand offender
8. Discover what the pain means in our life
9. Know we are worthy of forgiveness and are already forgiven
10. Stop trying so hard to forgive
11. Open to the grace of forgiveness
12. Decide whether to end the relationship or renew it

Seems to me that some of these are out of line with what comes first/previously so maybe this list in not in a particular order. Reminded me of the Grief Recovery Handbook by J James. The results come from actually working through each step which is not necessarily quick or easy.

[Elaine Factor]

Just in time. This book fell onto my hands just in time. My eyes laid onto its words just in time. Just in time, when I almost drowned myself to what seemed to be an eternal resentment. I could say that God reached out to me through this book and touched my heart. Certainly, I'd like to read back and do the exercises again.

[Nora]

Ik heb dit boek in het nederlands gelezen voor school. Het was zeker interessant om te lezen, maar de schrijver leek op sommige momenten zeer overtuigd over zijn eigen mening. Alsof andere mensen hun methode/mening rond vergeving niet correct is. Volgens mij is vergeving voor elk individu anders, en kan zijn methode naargelang de persoon die het gebruikt aangepast worden.

[Frances]

I absolutely love it. Read the whole book three times. The first time, I cried over the pages. LOlz. He debunked all the fallacies I thought wrong about forgiveness and reconciliation.

[Ivs Pav]

One of my favorite books ever.

[Erika BEAUVAIS]

Re reading and still learning, as I mature, to pardon in all dimensions.

[Andrius]

Labai lėtai skaitoma ir labai reikalinga, gili knyga. Paneigia daug atleidimo ir pikto Dievo mitų.