The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family

by William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears

Everything you need to know about getting your baby or toddler to sleep -- from America's foremost baby and childcare experts.

Babies don't automatically know how to sleep through the night; they need to be taught. The Sears family has learned from decades of pediatric practice, bolstered by their own parenting experiences, that different babies have different nighttime temperaments -- and, of course, different families have different lifestyles. Instead of espousing the kind of "one method fits all" approach advocated in other baby sleep guides, the Sears family explains how you can create a sleep plan that suits the needs of your entire family.

With a sharp focus on the practical tools and techniques, The Baby Sleep Book covers such topics The facts of infant sleep vs. adult sleep Figuring out where, when, and how your child sleeps best Fail-safe methods for soothing a crying infant How to make night nursing easier, and how to stop Nighttime fathering tips Whether co-sleeping makes sense for you Nap-time strategies that work Medical and physical causes of night waking Sleep habits in special situations such as traveling, teething, and illness

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Health, Childrens, Adult, Reference

288 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2005

About the author

Dr. Sears, or Dr. Bill as his "little patients" call him, is the father of eight children as well as the author of over 30 books on childcare. Dr. Bill is an Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine. Dr. Bill received his pediatric training at Harvard Medical School's Children's Hospital in Boston and The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto -- the largest children’s hospital in the world, where he served as associate ward chief of the newborn nursery and associate professor of pediatrics. Dr. Sears is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and a fellow of the Royal College of Pediatricians (RCP).Dr. Bill is also a medical and parenting consultant for BabyTalk and Parenting magazines and the pediatrician on the website Parenting.com.

Reviews

[Megan Norquest · Rating 2 out of 5]

While there is some good advice in this book, it’s better left to those who have decided to participate exclusively in the “attachment parenting” fad. Otherwise it would be called “The How to Scare the Shit Out of You in Your Last Month of Pregnancy Book.” If you aren’t a co-sleeping, breastfeeding, wear your baby, anti-cry it out parent (yes, all 4) then I would find a different book.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Where Babywise is on one end of the spectrum, this one is on the complete opposite. We didn't have great success with getting Charlie to sleep through the night, so I have been reading lots of books to get good ideas for Felicity, so I picked up this book. I am not a Babywise kind of person; it just wouldn't work for me. This one is a little closer to my style, but I am not extreme in this direction either, same as with Babywise. It was a little bit long because it basically said one thing: co-sleep until they are teens (ish), nurse until the kid is in kindergarten (practically), and hold your baby all day long. While I think some of these ideas are great in moderation (I bring baby into bed with me most nights, I nurse, and I hold her as much as possible) it just wasn't practical for me. However, I did like having a book that supported me in my decision to not let my baby cry it out all the time or schedule, because sometimes I feel like the only person I know who isn't "Babywise." Had some good tips and ideas, but I am just not taking it to the extreme.

[Stacy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Begin rant now: I am so sick of the parenting book roller coaster. I am not really sure why I keep reading them. You are either spoiling your child if you ever think of picking him up or, as in this book, you get a big fat F in parenting of your child ever utters one tiny sob. Ever hear of moderation people?
Anyhow, these authors are strong advocates of attachment parenting I am not. I suppose I need not say more.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re into it you’re into it what can I say

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really well-written but I'm still not sure where to go next! So it would get 5 stars if it worked like a charm. I took some notes in case I want to refer to them in the future:

--Sleep Tool Checklist (p 30):
*different sleeping arrangements
*charting baby's tired times
*sleep associations
*sounds to sleep by
*a loving touch
*a familiar scent
*a pacifier
*motion for sleep
*feeding baby partially to sleep
*back-to-sleep cues
*bedtime rituals
*nursing down
*wearing down
*fathering down
*nestling down
*patting down
*walking/rocking down
*swinging down
*offering a "lovee"
*quieting the bedroom
*quieting the house
*darkening the bedroom
*warming the bed
*lessening physical discomforts
*filling tiny tummies
*swaddling
*creating a comfortable bedroom temperature
*dressing baby comfortably for sleep

Sleep Needs Chart (p 62) Age, Total Hours of Sleep, # of Naps, Total Nap-time Hours
Nebworn: 16-17 hours, 3 naps for 6 hours
1-3 months: 15-16 hours, 3 naps for 4-5 hours
3-6 months: 14-15 hours, 2-3 naps for 3-4 hours
6-9 months: 14-14.5 hours, 2 naps for 3 hours
9-12 months: 13-14 hours, 2 naps for 3 hours
12-24 months: 12-13 hours, 1-2 naps for 2 hours
2-3 years: 11-13 hours, 1 nap for 1-1.5 hours
3-4 years: 11-12 hours, 0-1 naps for 0.5-1 hour

Nap Needs Chart (p 188) "Keep in mind that children vary greatly in their nap patterns. Some are born nappers who take long, regular naps. Others are catnappers."
Newborn: 3/day, 1-2 hours each, OR frequent, irregular, short catnaps
1-3 months: 2-3/day, 1-1.5 hours each, with some predictability
3-6 months: 2/day, 1-1.5 hours each
6-12 months: 1-hr morning nap + 1-2-hr afternoon nap
12-24 months: no morning nap; 1-2-hr afternoon nap
2-4 years: 1-hr afternoon nap

"About 90 percent of food allergies in infants are caused by these nine foods (known as the "nasty nine"):"
*dairy products
*wheat
*shellfish
*soy
*egg whites
*tree nuts
*peanuts
*corn
*tomatoes
So make a fuss-food chart, with suspected food, signs + symptoms, and change after food is eliminated. Eliminate all suspect foods for a few months, and gradually reintroduce one at a time.
(p 222-223)

"Desperation diet:" Spend 2 weeks eating these 6 foods, no soy, lots of water, no vitamins/supplements/medications. If baby gets much better, slowly add in your favorite foods (one food every 4 days), keeping a list of what bothers baby (and don't eat it for a few months).
(p 223-224)
*Turkey
*lamb
*potatoes (white or sweet)
*squash
*rice (or millet)(use rice milk as needed; rice flour, cakes, cereal and bread OK)
*pears (or pear juice)

"Sleep-Ade: Dr. Bill's Before-Bed Smoothie... blend of the sleep-inducing nutrients tryptophan, calcium, magnesium, and healthy carbs: 1 c milk, 1 banana, 1/2 c yogurt, 4 oz tofu, 1 T ground flaxseed meal, 1 tsp cinnamon... an hour before bed" (p 250)

[دعاء الدريس · Rating 5 out of 5]

كتاب نوم الطفل من وجهة نظر التربية بالارتباط
attachment parenting

شرحت الكتاب في حلقات على اليوتيوب بعنوان
"نوم الطفل من وجهة نظر الفطرة والحب"
بقناتي Duaa AlDrees

[Michelle Brook]

Common sense, “trust your gut” approach with a bit of supporting research, experience, and strong (acknowledged) personal bias. Could have been edited to half the volume.

[Skye Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am SO happy that I read this book. I absolutely loved it and found it so extremely helpful! I started off my baby sleep studying by reading Babywise. While I know that Babywise is loved by so many and I actually did learn some helpful tips and some things that I did agree with—I didn’t quite click with the program and it just didn’t feel quite right with me. Then enter, the Baby Sleep Book! I had a completely different feeling while reading this book and it totally just clicked with me. While reading it I just kept thinking, “Yes! Exactly!” Dr. Spears just totally put into words all the feelings in my heart, and gave advice on how to help babies sleep that really resounded with me.

Rather than giving a one size fits all program, Dr. Spears gives many many tips and ideas to not only help your child get good sleep, but to establish wonderful routines for sleep times that help the baby feel secure, safe, comfortable, and happy. He helps the reader understand that babies who feel safe and loved during bedtime routines, are likely to get better sleep in so many ways. Rather than placing your child in a crib and walking away to let them cry it out which can result in a stressed out, anxious, and scared baby—this book encourages “nighttime parenting”, helping the parent understand that baby does better when parents are there to help and love the child to sleep and establish good routines (NOT rigid schedules) during the day that helps the baby get a better nights sleep.

However, even though the authors do NOT support the cry it out method, they truly believe that it is parents who know what is best for their children in their particular circumstances. Because of this, they still do go over this option in the book to give perhaps a better and more helpful way to look at this method—IF the parents are going to try this method. (Although they still don’t recommend it.) The authors are truly so nonjudgmental and I just loved that they want parents to have lots of information to help them make the best decision for their baby and circumstance.

This book really comes from a loving place. And I could feel it while I read it. It helps parents remember what a blessing it is to have children and to get to spend this time with them having wonderful bedtime routines. It is such s limited time that we get with them while they are so young. I feel even more so now that nursing and rocking my little one to sleep is such a blessing. A time will come where she doesn’t need those things anymore and I want to enjoy these opportunities while I have them.

The book also encourages parents to put themselves in their child’s shoes to understand the child’s feelings. The question from the book that I loved and will continue to ask myself is, “if I were my baby, how would I feel in ________ circumstance.” Understanding that sleep time can be stressful and even scary for an infant or child helps the parent understand what things they should implement during these times to help the child feel safe and happy.

Truly, this book will be one that I go back and read again and again for sleep advice throughout the next few years! Thank you thank you Dr. Spears!

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by the attachment parenting gurus, this book discusses sleep education for babies, toddlers, and young children.

The good: Although there is a distinct attachment parenting slant to this book, including a chapter devoted to cosleeping and another criticizing CIO (cry it out), its advice is inclusive of a range of a parenting styles and situations. The authors provide pointers for determining the sleep arrangement and techniques that will work best for your family, and a number of techniques and case studies show how their ideas can be put into action. I found ideas to implement right now with my infant as well as possibilities to keep in mind for the future. The most valuable takeaway, though, was in their broader attitude toward "nighttime parenting".

The bad: The book becomes repetitive if you read it through; clearly it's meant as more of a reference. In addition, it's not always clear which of their assertions are backed up by research and which are their (informed, but anecdotal) opinions.

The verdict: If you're looking for a way to get your baby sleeping through the night ASAP, this isn't it. This doesn't even purport to be it. But if you're looking for help on formulating a long-term approach to sleep and you're not offended by the assumption that you'll be breastfeeding well into toddlerhood, this is a valuable resource.

[MLE Thorgaard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is empathetic, realistic, and encouraging. It wasn’t written in a demeaning, condescending way as many parenting books are. It sets reasonable expectations focused on attachment as it relates to sleep, which so many sleep books ignore. It is focused on the breastfeeding mother and father, and gives practical tips. Reading this book made me feel like while my child’s sleep is challenging right now, I’m doing right by him, making it work for me and my family, and don’t need to worry that something is wrong with him or my decisions to listen to my heart and my child.

[Tina · Rating 1 out of 5]

The problem with this book is he basically advocates co-sleeping (sleeping with the baby in your bed) for as long as possible. And then he tells these stories about his own kids sleeping in his bed till 4 years old. Ugh. Actually I think his wife recounts a story about sneaking off to the closet to have sex. No thank you!

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are interested in attachment parenting/co-sleeping with your child - this book is a wonderfully helpful resource throughout the process -- from start to finish. I really enjoyed the practical advice & the stories of the Sears's family throughout the book. If you are looking for sleep training or getting your baby to sleep through the night @ 2 weeks -- this isn't the book for you.

[Emy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good. I get overwhelmed with too many ideas and too many approaches. Sears is not saying you have to do it ONE way which I appreciate, but on the other hand, can't someone just tell me what to do?

[Katie Marquette · Rating 3 out of 5]

So our four month old baby is not a great sleeper - but not a bad one either. She's a pretty easy-going baby and thanks to our cosleeping arrangement she actually almost never wakes up during the night (though she has 2-3 dream feeds or will reach out for me in her sleep). She's currently protesting naps and is pretty dependent on her #1 sleep association (ME) for decent sleep - which I have mixed feelings about. My Mom coslept with me and my sister a bit too long, I think, because I have distinct memories of how difficult it was to sleep in my own bed. Now my Mom also worked all day, everyday, so nighttime was important for her to connect with us as babies and toddlers - I get that. I, however, am with my baby literally all day, and currently, also all night. Eventually this won't be healthy for either of us and I'd rather give her some independent sleep tools sooner rather than later. DON'T read this book hoping to find tools for independent sleep.

The Sears family motto is "deal with it, Mom!" Just kidding, but sort of. I'm pretty much on board with attachment style parenting, love breastfeeding, and am in general pretty relaxed about these things but Dr. Sears solutions seem to almost always involve a martyred mother. While he does acknowledge the mental health of mothers he also adds a bit of guilt ("waking frequently and sleeping with you IS best for the baby, but if you can't handle it we can adjust..."). He also doesn't really acknowledge that most sleep-training these days is not the old "cry it out" (thank GOD) - but more nuanced. What I do love is the emphasis on parental instincts - how would you parent on a desert island? I pretty much already naturally do most attachment style parenting things - I DO think it is natural, but I also don't think you'll ruin your baby for life if you decide you need them to sleep in a crib when they're six months old... (the stories about the father who sat with his son EVERY NIGHT for 7 years did not warm my heart but made me a little disturbed at the lengths expected - I also didn't think it sounded very healthy for the child being so reliant on their parent at that age...). So I took this book with a grain of salt.

My husband also noted the pedantic style, but that's true of most parenting books I think (he was referring especially to the "night time fathering tips" chapter which I agree was particularly pedantic towards men). I also didn't really need to hear the details of the Sears couple's sex life (they like walk in closets for the record). SO, take what you will from this, but don't be terrified you'll ruin your child for life if you need to establish a bit more structure around sleep. I don't really know what our baby's sleep will look like in a year, much less a month from now. I pretty much take it as we go. And one great piece of Sears advice: "do it until it doesn't work. then change it!"

**maybe someday I'll read a non-parenting book again**

[bibliophagy · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book is full of the tales of husbands and wives, mommies and daddies. it is written for the straight, cis, wealthy stay-at-home-mom/working-dad combo who have the ability to breast feed. if those terms and assumptions are too distracting for you, dont even give this book a try bc they are used CONSTANTLY.

this is my first introduction to learning about baby sleeping, and (except for the cisheteronormative terms and class assumptions made throughout the text) i learned a lot! i enjoyed the authors' stances that each child and family is different and therefore has different needs. there is no one answer to baby sleep. instead, it takes regular loving experiments to figure out what will work best for each child at various stages of development. the book is full of helpful guidelines and recommendations for experiments to try.

despite it all, i will want to have this one on the shelf to refer back to regularly if a baby comes into my life.

would put it at 4 stars because i loved these ideas and this approach. knocking down to 3 stars though for such limited and inaccessible language.

[Cherie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good advice, but I found William Sears and co profoundly unpractical at times. Stop saying 5,000 times to get a king sized bed. Some people don't have space (and can't afford to move someplace with bigger space) or can't afford a new bed - what can they do? Still, I appreciate an AP sleep guide in a world where people think cry it out is a good message (WTF?!?!?!?!? How can you love your child and do that, esp with the harsh realities that research has shown that it is an effed up message.). Good tips for co-sleeping.

[Burcu Dolunay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could not apply CIO and any versions of it (like kim west) on any of my daughters. This was the only book with really alternative reco.s but not a slightly different application of cio. And i liked the flexibility they offer rather than dictating one solution as well as their trust and emphasis on parent gut. I would give it five stars if there was not that chaptwr which wildly attacks cio methods. Did not like how their blaming attitude on cio applying parents there.

[Viviana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a very practical guide to sleep for infants and parents of infants. Great suggestions are presented clearly and backed up by medical research and years of experience with patients - and the lead authors raised 8 children too!
Disclaimer: Dr Sears’ family promotes attachment parenting and co-sleep. If you are uncomfortable with this parenting style, it is not the book for you.

[Amber Launstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of great tips on sleeping. I really appreciate their approach on NOT letting baby cry it out. We used that with Cambri and while it worked, I don’t think it was fun for either of us. They share some sound, science based advice and help to troubleshoot any problems. I wouldn’t say a must read, but definitely full of great tips for those looking for it!

[Book Hoarder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting ideas and good information but heavily into the attachment parenting philosophy. While some of this resonates with me, I wanted solutions to having to wear my baby while he sleeps or strategies for minimizing night waking, rather than being told this was part of having a good relationship with my child.

[Naomi Horst · Rating 4 out of 5]

I realized we don't have a sleep problem...

I just had an attitude problem. A really helpful book in assessing where we are at with sleep, why, and gentle ways we can make improvements.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great check-in to assess how our sleep is actually going. After reading a bunch of sleep training books that had me convinced we had a sleep problem, I'm happy to be reassured we don't...but I did have an attitude problem.

[Rose Lindgren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful book for attachment parenting. Really helped dispel myths around co sleeping and made me feel more confident in my choice not to sleep train while giving me lots of options for improving sleep

[JoAnna · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is mostly about co-sleeping. There is a whole chapter about how “cry it out” is bad, but does not detail alternative strategies for teaching babies to sleep independently. Very unhelpful for readers who are looking for real sleep training advice.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too much trying to please everyone without offering any practical solutions. Wasn't especially helpful.

[Mia Sajbel · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was alright... this book didn't address some of the unique stuff we had going on, but it had some decent tips.

[Culori · Rating 2 out of 5]

The format of the book makes it so hard to read. There is a lot of useful information but also a lot of personal stories and jokes I would skip to get the point.

[Erika Rose · Rating 2 out of 5]

Clearly advocates co-sleeping and other unsafe sleeping practices not approved by doctors. Some seemingly good advice but not useful in its theories.

[Ian McGaffey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This provided a lot of helpful tips for babies and sleep. Also had practical ways for a husband like myself to be the most useful.

[Karissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's the anti-sleep-training book. On the one hand, it made me feel good because it said "sure, feed him, and don't expect him to sleep!" On the other hand, it isn't going to do too much to help us get more sleep. SOOO CONFLICTED.

Whole chapter on why cry it out is bad. You want them to sleep not just longer, but happier. Cry it out methods can lead to anxiety related to sleep, with nightmares and night terrors when the kid is older.

Co-sleeping's okay. Or at least should be in your room if breastfeeding.
Night nursing's okay. Babies under 6 mo need 1-2 feedings at night.
Attachment-based sleep associations create a bond between you and your baby... they dont' have to be independent.
Be patient with nighttime parenting and nursing since it won't last forever.
Trying to get him to sleep without feeding is good, but "if he fusses more than just a little...Don't persist with a bad experiment."
"By six months, most babies begin to sleep four to five hour stretches at night." - versus others saying by 4 months he should be sleeping 8 hrs.
"Neither a book nor a class should tell you when your baby needs to be fed. Only a hungry baby knows when he needs to be fed."

Elimination via "Crying in Dad's Arms," is only recommended if it's really necessary for your particular family situation, and you've tried everything else, and "the older your baby is when you do this, the better." (opposite of most people who recommend earlier to not get into bad habits). "Don't leave baby to cry alone in a room." "Books don't know the effect of an hour of crying on a particular baby... If, when and how long to let your abby cry in dad's arms is a cry-by-cry call."

Does also introduce "fade-away" strategy - let mild fussing go for a minute or two while you're in the room, before picking him up. If it escalates, pick him up and soothe, but put down awake. repeat as needed. If it seems to go on forever, go ahead and rock to sleep or feed if he's worked up an appetite. But over time you can lessen the amount of physical contact, then move farther away gradually while singing/talking from a chair. "By ten months of age [2 months later], Sam slept through the night..."

To reduce nighttime nursing:
Feed more during day,
Increase daytime touch,
Put down without nursing for naps,
Dream feed (will only work if he's about to wake up anyway)
Get baby used to dada s nurse, falling asleep in sling or with patting or singing etc
Have me or dad give other sleep cues after feeding, before sleeping
give dad's pinkie, baby's fingers, or pacifier

Naps on the go seem to be OK with these guys.
co-napping approved
"some babies are "power nappers" - they can take a few 15 or 20 min naps and be refreshed and happy."