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No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending
Scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be. No More Faking Fine is your invitation to get honest with God through the life-giving language of lament.
If you've ever been given empty clich�s during challenging times, you know how painful it is to be misunderstood by well-meaning people. When life hurts, we often feel pressure--from others and ourselves--to keep it together, suck it up, or pray it away. But Scripture reveals a God who lovingly invites us to give honest voice to our emotions when life hits hard.
For most of her life, Esther Fleece Allen believed she could bypass the painful emotions of her broken past by shutting them down altogether. She was known as an achiever and an overcomer on the fast track to success. But in silencing her pain, she robbed herself of the opportunity to be healed. Maybe you've done the same.
Esther's journey into healing began when she discovered that God has given us a real-world way to deal with raw emotions and an alternative to the coping mechanisms that end up causing more pain. It's called lament--the gut-level, honest prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes.
No More Faking Fine is your permission to lament, taking you on a journey down the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God's own language to come closer to him as he leads us through our pain to the light on the other side, teaching you
We are robbing ourselves of a divine mystery and a divine intimacy when we pretend to have it all together
God does not expect us to be perfect; instead, he meets us where we are
There is hope beyond your heartache, disappointment, and grief
Like Esther, you'll soon find that when one person stops faking fine, it gives everyone else permission to do the same.
If you've ever been given empty clich�s during challenging times, you know how painful it is to be misunderstood by well-meaning people. When life hurts, we often feel pressure--from others and ourselves--to keep it together, suck it up, or pray it away. But Scripture reveals a God who lovingly invites us to give honest voice to our emotions when life hits hard.
For most of her life, Esther Fleece Allen believed she could bypass the painful emotions of her broken past by shutting them down altogether. She was known as an achiever and an overcomer on the fast track to success. But in silencing her pain, she robbed herself of the opportunity to be healed. Maybe you've done the same.
Esther's journey into healing began when she discovered that God has given us a real-world way to deal with raw emotions and an alternative to the coping mechanisms that end up causing more pain. It's called lament--the gut-level, honest prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes.
No More Faking Fine is your permission to lament, taking you on a journey down the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God's own language to come closer to him as he leads us through our pain to the light on the other side, teaching you
We are robbing ourselves of a divine mystery and a divine intimacy when we pretend to have it all together
God does not expect us to be perfect; instead, he meets us where we are
There is hope beyond your heartache, disappointment, and grief
Like Esther, you'll soon find that when one person stops faking fine, it gives everyone else permission to do the same.
220 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 10, 2017
253 people are currently reading
1660 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 149 reviews
August 9, 2017
I must say, I really like the premise of this book: Let's stop trying to "fake fine" around God and one another when we're experiencing deep hurt and struggle. Even before I read this book, God had been drawing my attention more and more to the honesty problem prevalent within many churches and individual Christians' lives. "[W]e want to avoid being seen as weak or in need," says Esther Fleece. And she also points out that somewhere along the line, we bought into the idea that God only wants to hear our strong, "cleaned up" prayers. These are good insights on Fleece's part, ones that I think we really ought to contemplate more seriously.
But as worthwhile as the premise is, this book leaves much to be desired. For one thing, it relies upon a flimsy definition of lament. According to Fleece, anything that involves "expressing honest emotions to God when life is not going as planned" is lament. First of all, this definition doesn't match any of the other definitions of lament that I've seen (these all focus on lament specifically as the expression of deep grief or sorrow). And second of all, the definition slowly but surely expands as the book progresses until lament also ends up being an umbrella term for confession, repentance, forgiveness, and more. Ultimately, by Fleece's own writing, I don't actually think she's calling us to start lamenting about our circumstances. I think she's calling us to be honest about them. While there is some overlap between the two, lament and honesty should not be considered synonyms.
I also disliked how much this book focused on the author's life to the detriment of focusing on Scripture (on a similar note, this book also read a lot more like a psychology book than a Christian one in many places). I walked away from the book having a much better understanding of Fleece's tough backstory than I did of what Scripture has to say about the purpose and place of lament in our lives. Furthermore, when Fleece did shift her focus to Scripture, she handled it very poorly at times. That's not true of the whole book, but it happened enough times so as to be concerning. Here's one example: She uses 1 John 1:6 (NIV)—"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth"—to argue the point that we can't have true fellowship with God if we're also covering up our pain, i.e., walking in darkness. Any reasonable reading of 1 John 1 ought to make it clear that walking in darkness refers to walking in sin, not hiding your pain from God. Yikes.
To reiterate: Yes, we need more emotional honesty within Christianity. However, this isn't the book I would recommend reading to see that argument fleshed out in more detail.
(Read for the 2017 Tim Challies Christian Reading Challenge: A book on the ECPA bestseller list)
But as worthwhile as the premise is, this book leaves much to be desired. For one thing, it relies upon a flimsy definition of lament. According to Fleece, anything that involves "expressing honest emotions to God when life is not going as planned" is lament. First of all, this definition doesn't match any of the other definitions of lament that I've seen (these all focus on lament specifically as the expression of deep grief or sorrow). And second of all, the definition slowly but surely expands as the book progresses until lament also ends up being an umbrella term for confession, repentance, forgiveness, and more. Ultimately, by Fleece's own writing, I don't actually think she's calling us to start lamenting about our circumstances. I think she's calling us to be honest about them. While there is some overlap between the two, lament and honesty should not be considered synonyms.
I also disliked how much this book focused on the author's life to the detriment of focusing on Scripture (on a similar note, this book also read a lot more like a psychology book than a Christian one in many places). I walked away from the book having a much better understanding of Fleece's tough backstory than I did of what Scripture has to say about the purpose and place of lament in our lives. Furthermore, when Fleece did shift her focus to Scripture, she handled it very poorly at times. That's not true of the whole book, but it happened enough times so as to be concerning. Here's one example: She uses 1 John 1:6 (NIV)—"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth"—to argue the point that we can't have true fellowship with God if we're also covering up our pain, i.e., walking in darkness. Any reasonable reading of 1 John 1 ought to make it clear that walking in darkness refers to walking in sin, not hiding your pain from God. Yikes.
To reiterate: Yes, we need more emotional honesty within Christianity. However, this isn't the book I would recommend reading to see that argument fleshed out in more detail.
(Read for the 2017 Tim Challies Christian Reading Challenge: A book on the ECPA bestseller list)
February 5, 2017
This book is in my top 5 most impactful books I've read in my life! Esther lays it out. Plain and simple. Doesn't sugar coat it. Raw and ugly and free! She weaves her life story in the book and by the end you see the freedom she has gained by applying the principles Presented in the book in her own life. Lament is a concept I had never heard about before reading this book. I'm now convinced that it is necessary for everyone to be free from offense and anything that happens in your life. We must bring our hurts and feelings to God. We must. We have to process them in order to forgive and be free. It might be painful and it might be ugly and it might be embarrassing... but it we don't face it we can't get past it. Plain and simple. Esther's writing is easy to understand and she clearly presents her points and backs them with scripture and experience. Very applicable which is of upmost importance in our relationship with Christ. If we can't apply what we learn where does that leave us? I'm tired of faking. I give it up. This book has helped me do that. It is truly life changing. Read it now.
November 26, 2021
Everyone should read this.
March 28, 2024
I feel like this book was written more so for the author’s healing than for the healing of its readers - but I absolutely love that! The book pulls many times from scripture and details God’s insistence that we lament. While he is a God of hope and joy, he is also a God of sorrow and I enjoyed reading the author’s journey of discovering that for herself.
The only reason why I give this book 3 stars is because it didn’t significantly impact or resonate with me. However, I know it will resonate with others.
The only reason why I give this book 3 stars is because it didn’t significantly impact or resonate with me. However, I know it will resonate with others.
February 10, 2017
Many feel they need to fake feeling fine at church. Fleece says it's time to set aside that performance. She gives us permission to grieve and lament, something often deliberately missing from our Christian life. Rather than hiding our pain, we have “permission to feel it all and express it honestly to God through prayer.” (41)
Fleece shares her own story with the aim of encouraging us to be honest in our story too. Being told to “suck it up” at a young age, she did that and was successful at faking fine. She climbed the corporate ladder. At age 30, however, she walked away from it all and spent two years facing her relationship with God. Having hit rock bottom, she discovered lament. “We can lament something in the past to receive healing in the present.” (59)
I am impressed with Fleece's book. She shows that thinking we should have a “fine” life is really unbiblical. It is “an unrealistic expectation that ended up making me feel disengaged from God and disappointed in Him,” she writes. (34) God wants to hear about our pain.
I like Fleece sharing the difficulty of making herself vulnerable to God, being unsure of His thoughts toward her. She thought He might be withholding good things from her. Her honesty is amazing. “I've gone through times,” she writes, “when it seemed as if God's plans were not prospering me at all; in fact, it felt like they were hurting me.” (100)
I highly recommend this book to anyone ready to quite faking it, quit pretending that all is fine. You'll get great encouragement by instruction and by example. I also recommend this book to church leaders. Fleece encourages leaders to make time for lament in church services, noting it is the pathway to real healing.
Here are a few quotes to give the idea of the depth of Fleece's book.
“When we fake fine, we fake our way out of authentic relationship with God, others, and ourselves.” (37)
“The greatest gift that has come from my suffering is a deeper understanding of the character of God and His thoughts toward me.” (103)
“Lament gives us the language to name the weight of our own sins and the wounds from others, so we might look to Jesus to transform our hearts.” (170)
I received a complimentary copy of this book through Icon Media. My comments are an independent and honest review.
Fleece shares her own story with the aim of encouraging us to be honest in our story too. Being told to “suck it up” at a young age, she did that and was successful at faking fine. She climbed the corporate ladder. At age 30, however, she walked away from it all and spent two years facing her relationship with God. Having hit rock bottom, she discovered lament. “We can lament something in the past to receive healing in the present.” (59)
I am impressed with Fleece's book. She shows that thinking we should have a “fine” life is really unbiblical. It is “an unrealistic expectation that ended up making me feel disengaged from God and disappointed in Him,” she writes. (34) God wants to hear about our pain.
I like Fleece sharing the difficulty of making herself vulnerable to God, being unsure of His thoughts toward her. She thought He might be withholding good things from her. Her honesty is amazing. “I've gone through times,” she writes, “when it seemed as if God's plans were not prospering me at all; in fact, it felt like they were hurting me.” (100)
I highly recommend this book to anyone ready to quite faking it, quit pretending that all is fine. You'll get great encouragement by instruction and by example. I also recommend this book to church leaders. Fleece encourages leaders to make time for lament in church services, noting it is the pathway to real healing.
Here are a few quotes to give the idea of the depth of Fleece's book.
“When we fake fine, we fake our way out of authentic relationship with God, others, and ourselves.” (37)
“The greatest gift that has come from my suffering is a deeper understanding of the character of God and His thoughts toward me.” (103)
“Lament gives us the language to name the weight of our own sins and the wounds from others, so we might look to Jesus to transform our hearts.” (170)
I received a complimentary copy of this book through Icon Media. My comments are an independent and honest review.
March 25, 2023
How do you review a book that completely wrecks you? I have no idea, but I will attempt to give No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending by Esther Fleece my best shot.
"I had learned to fake fine by the time I was ten."
No one's story should start like that, yet Esther's did. It continues with a courtroom scene that will break your heart. I know it did mine. Esther gives us glimpses into her life as she explains what she has learned over the years.
The expectations of others, as well as the expectations we put on ourselves, can leave us with an incredible amount of pressure.
I have learned through the years that God does not want just our happy; He also really wants our sad. Everything is not fine, and God wants to hear about it.
I don't know what you know or think of lament. I understand what lamenting is, but I imagine like most of you, I do not practice it in the way it is intended. Esther's book completely wrecked me. While it taught me so much about lament, it also taught me so much about myself. I could relate to her story, and even in situations where I couldn't, I could still emphasize.
Esther's story doesn't wrap up in a neat little bow. She is still living her story, just as we are still living our stories. Esther's story shows us there is beauty in the chaos. God can provide healing and hope, even when we are living our darkest nightmares. I want to know more about Esther's story. I appreciated her conversational style. I appreciated her candor. Most of all, I appreciated her sharing her story. I know it could not have been easy, but I have no doubt that God is going to do (and probably has done) great things through Esther's story!
If you struggle with faking fine and are ready to stop pretending, this book is for you. If you want to know more about lament and how it IS a prayer we should practice, this book is for you. If you want a book that will challenge you and make you think, this book is for you. I highly recommend it. I lost track of how many things I highlighted and starred. No More Faking Fine is one for the keeper shelf.
"I had learned to fake fine by the time I was ten."
No one's story should start like that, yet Esther's did. It continues with a courtroom scene that will break your heart. I know it did mine. Esther gives us glimpses into her life as she explains what she has learned over the years.
The expectations of others, as well as the expectations we put on ourselves, can leave us with an incredible amount of pressure.
I have learned through the years that God does not want just our happy; He also really wants our sad. Everything is not fine, and God wants to hear about it.
I don't know what you know or think of lament. I understand what lamenting is, but I imagine like most of you, I do not practice it in the way it is intended. Esther's book completely wrecked me. While it taught me so much about lament, it also taught me so much about myself. I could relate to her story, and even in situations where I couldn't, I could still emphasize.
Esther's story doesn't wrap up in a neat little bow. She is still living her story, just as we are still living our stories. Esther's story shows us there is beauty in the chaos. God can provide healing and hope, even when we are living our darkest nightmares. I want to know more about Esther's story. I appreciated her conversational style. I appreciated her candor. Most of all, I appreciated her sharing her story. I know it could not have been easy, but I have no doubt that God is going to do (and probably has done) great things through Esther's story!
If you struggle with faking fine and are ready to stop pretending, this book is for you. If you want to know more about lament and how it IS a prayer we should practice, this book is for you. If you want a book that will challenge you and make you think, this book is for you. I highly recommend it. I lost track of how many things I highlighted and starred. No More Faking Fine is one for the keeper shelf.
June 10, 2018
This book was handed to me accompanied with the words, "You know I love you right?" Or maybe it was, "This is because I love you." Either way, the giver was hopeful I wouldn't take offense at being handed a book about faking and stopping it. I took no offense.
Those of us in the Christian bubble know about faking fine. We are super good at, you might say we excel at it. While the Church claims to be a hospital for the hurting actually the hurting happens most in the Church. But God is good and all that shiz.
Here's the deal. God is good but not in the teeth whitened, too large of a smile, hair coiffed, light show on a Sunday morning, "Hebrews" Coffee Shop in the church lobby kind of way. He's good in the you might lose all your money and family and career choices but I'm still here believe it or not kind of way. He's good in the you have been orphaned by your family of origin but I'm going to give you a family of heart kind of way. He's good in the ways that make us unsettled, uncomfortable, doubting, weary, and discouraged. He's good in those ways.
Fleece shares her personal story of abandonment, betrayal, loneliness, and fear and how God showed up good in it all once she gave herself permission to do one thing. "How long, oh Lord?" She began to lament. And in lament she found the healing and the relationship with God she thought she had before. But before was just a mask of fine, she wasn't really fine - she was wounded and scared and covering it up with praise songs during a light show on Sunday mornings while drinking church coffee from the church cafe and smiling to hide the pain with her hair perfectly done so nobody could guess or know that she was falling apart while trying to hold it all together because she was "fine."
"How are you today?"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"I'm also fine."
Bullshit. That's right I'm calling bullshit on these exchanges that happen numerous times once people walk through the doors of a church. I've had the same conversations with people at the store and that's okay, the fine conversation can happen there but in the Church it's supposed to be different. But it's not. That's because lament makes us squirm. We don't like to be made uncomfortable by other people's hurts, grief, loss, and wilderness wanderings. We don't need to look any further than the book of Job to find ourselves when we are witness to someone else's pain. Perhaps we've missed the point of the inclusion of the book of Job. We keep focusing on Job and his response to God regarding his tragedy but what if God wants us to instead focus more on Job's friends as a lesson of what NOT to do? And because we don't like it when other people's stuff makes us uncomfortable, when stuff of our own pops up we cover it with fine. We fear it will make us even more of an outcast than we already feel like.
All of this is lies. Lies straight from the pit of hell designed to keep us isolated and wounded. In lament we reveal the wounds - we open them to fresh air and sunlight. In lament we discover others who are lamenting in their own ways and we can come together and lament together - ending our isolation.
I don't know why my dear friend thought I might be offended by this book. Does she think I am faking fine? Does she think I need to start speaking the language of lament? I don't know. Or maybe, because I am in my own hard season, she wants to affirm me about my choice to not fake fine and my choice to speak in the language of lament. Because I am. I am lamenting - just ask my therapist - and I am not faking fine - just ask anyone who is in my tribe. I learned long ago what Fleece shares in this title, faking fine doesn't work.
Those of us in the Christian bubble know about faking fine. We are super good at, you might say we excel at it. While the Church claims to be a hospital for the hurting actually the hurting happens most in the Church. But God is good and all that shiz.
Here's the deal. God is good but not in the teeth whitened, too large of a smile, hair coiffed, light show on a Sunday morning, "Hebrews" Coffee Shop in the church lobby kind of way. He's good in the you might lose all your money and family and career choices but I'm still here believe it or not kind of way. He's good in the you have been orphaned by your family of origin but I'm going to give you a family of heart kind of way. He's good in the ways that make us unsettled, uncomfortable, doubting, weary, and discouraged. He's good in those ways.
Fleece shares her personal story of abandonment, betrayal, loneliness, and fear and how God showed up good in it all once she gave herself permission to do one thing. "How long, oh Lord?" She began to lament. And in lament she found the healing and the relationship with God she thought she had before. But before was just a mask of fine, she wasn't really fine - she was wounded and scared and covering it up with praise songs during a light show on Sunday mornings while drinking church coffee from the church cafe and smiling to hide the pain with her hair perfectly done so nobody could guess or know that she was falling apart while trying to hold it all together because she was "fine."
"How are you today?"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"I'm also fine."
Bullshit. That's right I'm calling bullshit on these exchanges that happen numerous times once people walk through the doors of a church. I've had the same conversations with people at the store and that's okay, the fine conversation can happen there but in the Church it's supposed to be different. But it's not. That's because lament makes us squirm. We don't like to be made uncomfortable by other people's hurts, grief, loss, and wilderness wanderings. We don't need to look any further than the book of Job to find ourselves when we are witness to someone else's pain. Perhaps we've missed the point of the inclusion of the book of Job. We keep focusing on Job and his response to God regarding his tragedy but what if God wants us to instead focus more on Job's friends as a lesson of what NOT to do? And because we don't like it when other people's stuff makes us uncomfortable, when stuff of our own pops up we cover it with fine. We fear it will make us even more of an outcast than we already feel like.
All of this is lies. Lies straight from the pit of hell designed to keep us isolated and wounded. In lament we reveal the wounds - we open them to fresh air and sunlight. In lament we discover others who are lamenting in their own ways and we can come together and lament together - ending our isolation.
I don't know why my dear friend thought I might be offended by this book. Does she think I am faking fine? Does she think I need to start speaking the language of lament? I don't know. Or maybe, because I am in my own hard season, she wants to affirm me about my choice to not fake fine and my choice to speak in the language of lament. Because I am. I am lamenting - just ask my therapist - and I am not faking fine - just ask anyone who is in my tribe. I learned long ago what Fleece shares in this title, faking fine doesn't work.
April 25, 2019
What a wonderful book of vulnerability and authenticity. The author really didn’t hold back but was very honest about her difficult life and her emotional struggles, even as a strong Christian woman. In a world obsessed with looking good and faking a good life, I found this book extremely refreshing, and even more so because she was a strong Christian. Her biggest point was to FEEL your disappointments and emotions and sadnesses rather than stuffing them down or pretending they don’t exist. She made the excellent point that Christ himself lamented, as do many Biblical figures. So why do we run from our pain and sadness rather than letting it draw us to Christ? I found the book extremely truthful and insightful and highly recommend it for anyone. God wants our sorrows and our pain as much as he wants our joy. He holds every single tear we cry in a bottle.
February 24, 2021
This book is so beautifully written. I can not imagine how difficult it was to put this together. The author dives deep into past trauma that she had stuffed down and glossed over for most of her life. Piece by piece she brings the broken things out into the light and stops pretending like she has nothing to hide. She bears her broken heart before the Lord and invites us to witness the transformative power of lament. She does this in such a tender way that is real and honest and maybe the most important, relatable. If you’re reading these reviews it’s likely that the title “No More Faking Fine” caught your eye and you also have been faking fine. Read it.
Just do it. If nothing else, for the knowledge that you are not alone, you can’t “fake it til you make it” forever, because honestly, you can’t “make it” without turning your heart over completely to God.
Just do it. If nothing else, for the knowledge that you are not alone, you can’t “fake it til you make it” forever, because honestly, you can’t “make it” without turning your heart over completely to God.
July 25, 2025
This is Esther’s story and she focuses on how she applied lamenting to God to overcome pain and find peace. Lamenting is the specific piece that she focuses on in the book and it was thought provoking and extremely detailed.
After burying a dysfunctional childhood, she kept this mostly a secret to those around her. Her life became a long path of broken heartedness until she discovered Jesus’ stunning plan for hope and recovery. While pain could have stopped her life’s trajectory, she chose instead to show her honest emotion and look to God. She had been taught as a child to hide her pain to look strong. Hide her pain to please others. Just pretend you are fine, and things will be fine. Shutting down and hiding her own emotions. After a while the stored up pain was too much. She needed to face her pain, grieve her losses. She needed to stop with the coping mechanisms (both realized and not realized) and work on healing root causes.
“Your pain is producing something great.”
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning – Psalm 30:5
Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me – Psalm 27:10
After burying a dysfunctional childhood, she kept this mostly a secret to those around her. Her life became a long path of broken heartedness until she discovered Jesus’ stunning plan for hope and recovery. While pain could have stopped her life’s trajectory, she chose instead to show her honest emotion and look to God. She had been taught as a child to hide her pain to look strong. Hide her pain to please others. Just pretend you are fine, and things will be fine. Shutting down and hiding her own emotions. After a while the stored up pain was too much. She needed to face her pain, grieve her losses. She needed to stop with the coping mechanisms (both realized and not realized) and work on healing root causes.
“Your pain is producing something great.”
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning – Psalm 30:5
Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me – Psalm 27:10
October 9, 2020
Often books about "faking fine" can be trite, but Esther's book was full of biblical support for lamenting. I've often been discouraged by the tendency some have to throw out "God is sovereign!" (which He is!) without being willing to lament along with others, or even lament their own pain. Bringing our griefs to God honors Him and admits our weakness, and He does beautiful things through people who are willing to grieve.
January 8, 2021
I read this book in 2018, and loved it greatly. I’ll probably read it again this year because it has so many remarkable reminders.
There’s so much to be reminded of in the book, but the process of lamenting and bringing our burdens to God really stuck with me. Her story is heartbreaking, and I found some aspect definitely resonated, but the over arching theme of authenticity in all aspects instead of faking fine really brought me to a new place.
I recommend for all!
There’s so much to be reminded of in the book, but the process of lamenting and bringing our burdens to God really stuck with me. Her story is heartbreaking, and I found some aspect definitely resonated, but the over arching theme of authenticity in all aspects instead of faking fine really brought me to a new place.
I recommend for all!
June 15, 2018
This book intrigued me because I was tired of saying & hearing from others “I’m fine”. Lament- the honest prayer and cry out to God. It’s seen all through scripture but something I never was encouraged to do, nor understood. God meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be. I only gave it 4 stars because I felt like the book repeated its self a lot.
April 14, 2022
Such a good book on lament. Esther shares about her difficult family life growing up, the wounds and fear it created. She ran from her deep wounds by doing all the right things -- good grades in school, following hard after God, becoming successful in ministry until her past reappeared. When her dad showed back up her world fell apart and she nearly did as well. She found the practice of lament to help her process her hard emotions and hard past so she could move forward healthy and well.
One of my favorite quotes from the book: "Lament says 'God I’m hurting, will you meet me here?' And as such it is a prayer God always answers." And this: God “wants pain to leave our hearts, minds, and bodies but He doesn’t expect it to happen overnight, nor does He give us a formula for healing. But He does give us a language, and that language is lament."
One of my favorite quotes from the book: "Lament says 'God I’m hurting, will you meet me here?' And as such it is a prayer God always answers." And this: God “wants pain to leave our hearts, minds, and bodies but He doesn’t expect it to happen overnight, nor does He give us a formula for healing. But He does give us a language, and that language is lament."
July 9, 2017
Finally finished this book months after the meeting, but so glad I kept with it. This is an important book for anyone who has ever wrestled with their faith.
November 6, 2021
I don’t really like the narrator though. Her voice sounds preachy
August 14, 2024
incredible focus on lament and how to be honest with the Lord
November 23, 2023
I was surprised how much I appreciated the message of this book….I guess I expected it to be fluffy and/or guilt-inducing. But the author isn’t just sharing things that sound good or trite recommendations to be vulnerable - these are lessons she had to learn and live out in extraordinarily challenging situations. Her thoughts on the value of honest lamenting and its necessity before healing are so important. I will be coming back to this one for a reread, I’m sure.
December 29, 2023
It’s ok to not be ok and expressing those emotions is one of the first steps to healing. Exactly the book I needed to read at this moment.
October 16, 2017
I heard Esther speak on a recent Focus on the Family broadcast, and I was drawn into her story of a painful childhood. She wore masks to protect herself from the abuse and chaos of a dysfunctional family. When she reached a pinnacle in her career yet felt low and empty, she finally realized her masks kept her from experiencing the depth of faith she craved. Her book is written to set others free from pretense and a superficial relationship with God.
Esther writes with richness, lacing paragraphs with deeply thoughtful truths such as these:
- God is not up there minimizing our pain and comparing it to others who have it worse than we do. God wants all pain to be surrendered to Him, and He has the capacity to respond to it all with infinite compassion.
- We are a wounded people, but in a prosperous and entitled culture, we have not learned enough about the holy and healing power of grieving our losses honestly.
- A lamenting prayer is a prayer that is never silenced and never wasted.
I received this book as a free resource from the BookLook Bloggers program, in exchange for my honest review.
Esther writes with richness, lacing paragraphs with deeply thoughtful truths such as these:
- God is not up there minimizing our pain and comparing it to others who have it worse than we do. God wants all pain to be surrendered to Him, and He has the capacity to respond to it all with infinite compassion.
- We are a wounded people, but in a prosperous and entitled culture, we have not learned enough about the holy and healing power of grieving our losses honestly.
- A lamenting prayer is a prayer that is never silenced and never wasted.
I received this book as a free resource from the BookLook Bloggers program, in exchange for my honest review.
April 28, 2017
I really, really loved this one. I needed to read it exactly when I did, and was so glad I had it waiting on my shelf. Fleece's story is seriously unreal-- I can't imagine going through what she went through-- but instead of telling it in a way that invited pity or feeling sorry for herself, she tells it honestly, openly, and in a way that really makes it bigger than just herself. It's a book I'm absolutely going to share with people struggling through feelings of depression/loneliness, because it's exactly the book I needed to read in the midst of my own season of those feelings.
August 5, 2017
A Must-Read for everyone who pretends everything is fine!
I've listened to the audiobook (very nicely done!) and am reading again. So much here I need to hear. By sharing her own journey, Esther Fleece gives me courage to walk into the darkness of all I have stuffed deep down inside, and gives me hope that God will meet me there. I look forward to healing and an unshakable trust in God's goodness. I highly recommend this book! Thank you, Esther, for writing it!
I've listened to the audiobook (very nicely done!) and am reading again. So much here I need to hear. By sharing her own journey, Esther Fleece gives me courage to walk into the darkness of all I have stuffed deep down inside, and gives me hope that God will meet me there. I look forward to healing and an unshakable trust in God's goodness. I highly recommend this book! Thank you, Esther, for writing it!
January 16, 2021
I could not put this book down! Never before have I felt like a book read me instead of the other way around. I am grateful for Esther’s Lord ordained words + her resolve to be candid about her journey. There is power in acknowledgment + not rushing through the process of feeling. Thank you Esther for challenging your readers to come face to face with their brokenness introduce it to the One who desires to redeem it all.
September 30, 2020
Lament is a word I would describe as a “churchy-word”. It’s not one I’ve heard outside of reading the Bible or a bible study. I don’t remember ever hearing a sermon on lament, at least not defined by that term.
“God meets us where we are at and not where we pretend to be.” Esther Fleece’s words leapt off the page from the very beginning of this book. As she began to tell the story of her life I realized that we don’t have much in common outside of a faith in Jesus. Single, a career business woman with a challenging past wounded by her family even defining herself as an orphan, I was heart-broken by her experiences.
Although Esther and I don’t have similar experiences, she asked questions throughout No More Faking Fine that helped me realize we had more in common than I first thought.
“How often have you tried not to cry your own tears?”
“If nothing is too hard for God, then why doesn’t he deliver us from things overnight?”
“Why do we so often pull back when things are hard?”
Esther Fleece writes from a place of experience and vulnerability throughout the book. Taking the reader to Job, Joel, Habakkuk, and Nehemiah as well and Psalms Esther reveals the depths of God’s love for us through her explanation and urging towards lament in our pray life.
“Prayer was a significant part of my life, yet I had never been taught about the prayer called lament.”
“Lament, he said, is simply expressing honest emotion to God when life is not going as planned. Whether we’re hurt, frustrated, confused, betrayed, overwhelmed, sad or disappointed, lament is the language God has given us to talk to Him right in the middle of life’s messes. It’s real talk with God when you’re hurting, when all you can do is cry out for His help.”
As I read through No More Faking Fine I realized that although I may not have had language for lament, there were seasons of my life where I had journaled through lament. Fleece reminded me that God heard those cries, he always strives to for his good to be the ultimate outcome even in our hardest times.
Although I found this book to be one that made me think deeper and challenged me, I found certain sections to be long and repetitive. I felt certain parts were too much about arguing the point that lament was a good thing and not enough about the application. For that reason, I give this book 4 out of 5 stars.
“God meets us where we are at and not where we pretend to be.” Esther Fleece’s words leapt off the page from the very beginning of this book. As she began to tell the story of her life I realized that we don’t have much in common outside of a faith in Jesus. Single, a career business woman with a challenging past wounded by her family even defining herself as an orphan, I was heart-broken by her experiences.
Although Esther and I don’t have similar experiences, she asked questions throughout No More Faking Fine that helped me realize we had more in common than I first thought.
“How often have you tried not to cry your own tears?”
“If nothing is too hard for God, then why doesn’t he deliver us from things overnight?”
“Why do we so often pull back when things are hard?”
Esther Fleece writes from a place of experience and vulnerability throughout the book. Taking the reader to Job, Joel, Habakkuk, and Nehemiah as well and Psalms Esther reveals the depths of God’s love for us through her explanation and urging towards lament in our pray life.
“Prayer was a significant part of my life, yet I had never been taught about the prayer called lament.”
“Lament, he said, is simply expressing honest emotion to God when life is not going as planned. Whether we’re hurt, frustrated, confused, betrayed, overwhelmed, sad or disappointed, lament is the language God has given us to talk to Him right in the middle of life’s messes. It’s real talk with God when you’re hurting, when all you can do is cry out for His help.”
As I read through No More Faking Fine I realized that although I may not have had language for lament, there were seasons of my life where I had journaled through lament. Fleece reminded me that God heard those cries, he always strives to for his good to be the ultimate outcome even in our hardest times.
Although I found this book to be one that made me think deeper and challenged me, I found certain sections to be long and repetitive. I felt certain parts were too much about arguing the point that lament was a good thing and not enough about the application. For that reason, I give this book 4 out of 5 stars.
February 9, 2017
Copied from Amazon: If you’ve ever been given empty clichés during challenging times, you know how painful it can feel to be misunderstood by well-meaning people. Far too often, it seems the response we get to our hurt and disappointment is to suck it up, or pray it away.
But Scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.
No More Faking Fine is your invitation to get gut-level honest with God through the life-giving language of lament. Lament, a practice woven throughout Scripture, is a prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes. As author Esther Fleece says, “Lament is the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God, and with those around us.”
Esther learned this the hard way, by believing she could shut down painful emotions that haunted her from a broken past she tried to forget on her fast track to success. But in silencing her pain, she robbed herself of the opportunity to be healed. Maybe you’ve done the same.No More Faking Fine is your permission to lament—to give voice to the hurt, frustration, and disappointment you’ve kept inside and silenced for too long. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God’s own language to draw closer to Him as He leads us through any darkness into His marvelous light.
No More Faking Fine is a book on the importance of letting God into your struggles. It talks about the need to get honest with God about the things that are troubling you.
"God meets us where we are, and not where we pretend to be"
Esther Fleece talks about how we need to stop just pushing through the pain and instead take the time to grieve it with God.
I loved this quote by D.A. Carson "There is no attempt in scripture to whitewash the anguish of God's people when they undergo suffering. They argue with God, they complain to God, they weep before God. Theirs is not a faith that leads to dry-eyed stoicism, but to a faith so robust it wrestles with God."
I have been "Fine" forever, even when I wasn't. Even in the midst of suicidal thoughts, I felt like I had to maintain the appearance of being "Fine". Lately, friends tease me because I question God so often. I found this book to be a much-needed breath of fresh air as it gives us permission to get honest with God however that may look. In that honesty, we invite God into the pain so that He can heal it completely and totally.
*Received a copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
But Scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.
No More Faking Fine is your invitation to get gut-level honest with God through the life-giving language of lament. Lament, a practice woven throughout Scripture, is a prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes. As author Esther Fleece says, “Lament is the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God, and with those around us.”
Esther learned this the hard way, by believing she could shut down painful emotions that haunted her from a broken past she tried to forget on her fast track to success. But in silencing her pain, she robbed herself of the opportunity to be healed. Maybe you’ve done the same.No More Faking Fine is your permission to lament—to give voice to the hurt, frustration, and disappointment you’ve kept inside and silenced for too long. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God’s own language to draw closer to Him as He leads us through any darkness into His marvelous light.
No More Faking Fine is a book on the importance of letting God into your struggles. It talks about the need to get honest with God about the things that are troubling you.
"God meets us where we are, and not where we pretend to be"
Esther Fleece talks about how we need to stop just pushing through the pain and instead take the time to grieve it with God.
I loved this quote by D.A. Carson "There is no attempt in scripture to whitewash the anguish of God's people when they undergo suffering. They argue with God, they complain to God, they weep before God. Theirs is not a faith that leads to dry-eyed stoicism, but to a faith so robust it wrestles with God."
I have been "Fine" forever, even when I wasn't. Even in the midst of suicidal thoughts, I felt like I had to maintain the appearance of being "Fine". Lately, friends tease me because I question God so often. I found this book to be a much-needed breath of fresh air as it gives us permission to get honest with God however that may look. In that honesty, we invite God into the pain so that He can heal it completely and totally.
*Received a copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
February 21, 2017
From the moment I read the title, I knew I just had to read this book. Esther drew me in right from the beginning. I often find myself “Faking Fine” . In today’s world, everyone is overstressed, overworked etc. Many days we are clearly just going through the motions. I know I am. Nearly every when I am asked, “How are you today?” my answer is always “I’m fine.” Because to be honest at that moment I am thinking to myself, “This person doesn’t really want to know how I am feeling. They would turn and run if I told them how I was really feeling right now.” I am sure many of you have been in the very same place; hurting, stressed and broken. We all need to put that aside and fully trust in God and give everything to him freely. WOW now I don’t know about you but that scares me beyond measure. I am really hoping as I continue through this study I will get to the place I need to be with my relationship with God.
I am excited to bring this book to our Women’s bible study group as an option for a future study.
I hope that you take a chance and read this book to and let it guide you to a better place.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this Hardcover Bible free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
I am excited to bring this book to our Women’s bible study group as an option for a future study.
I hope that you take a chance and read this book to and let it guide you to a better place.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this Hardcover Bible free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
August 6, 2019
Wow! This book was insightful, eye opening, and a breath of fresh air. The author brought up so many excellent points about giving ourselves permission to feel whatever we are feeling. To not rush into "getting over" or forgetting about offenses or trauma. The author was SPOT ON! No More Faking Fine is your invitation to get real with God and pour out your authentic emotions to Him. Oftentimes, in the Christian community, were told to "stop being so sensitive" or to "forgive and forget fast." Yet, if we skip the early stage of lamenting, we miss the amazing transformation that God has intended for us. If you've endured a troubled childhood, abuse, sexual assaults, or trauma, this book can help shed the light on the importance of being honest with yourself and with Christ. First, take time to process your pain, acknowledge what happened to you, and allow yourself to cry, yell, be angry, and express your emotions. Understand that when we grieve losses or traumatic experiences, anger is a normal stage of grief. Take time to feel it so you can eventually heal it. I recommend this book to anyone going through dark seasons, losses, grief, or trauma. It has helped me in countless ways to explore lamenting and to cry out to Jesus in my despair. No More Faking Fine has been an amazing breakthrough in my healing journey.
February 19, 2017
“How are you doing?”
“Fine.”
Asking someone how they are doing is a very common question and yet so frequently, someone is not fine. In No More Faking Fine by Ester Fleece, she addresses the necessary process of grieving, or lamentation. Without lamenting, faith can be lost. It is easy to move on with life and forget about the sadness or make comparisons to people who might have it worst. Lamenting brings everyone closer to God, however. This is not a time to be strong. The disciples lamented. Jesus lamented. Jesus even questioned God when on the cross. It is ok to question God. God wants our pain in order to heal us and move on with life.
Ester Fleece presents a strong message about lamenting and how good it is for the body in order to heal and then move on with life. The author suffered from depression herself and gives stories of her life and examples of when she tried to be strong and when she finally needed to just relax and lament. There are tough times in life. It is not karma from God. God is needed during the lamenting process and then afterwards when there is a feeling of peace that comes from accepting and processing life’s tough moments.
I was provided a free copy of this book from Book Look Bloggers.
“Fine.”
Asking someone how they are doing is a very common question and yet so frequently, someone is not fine. In No More Faking Fine by Ester Fleece, she addresses the necessary process of grieving, or lamentation. Without lamenting, faith can be lost. It is easy to move on with life and forget about the sadness or make comparisons to people who might have it worst. Lamenting brings everyone closer to God, however. This is not a time to be strong. The disciples lamented. Jesus lamented. Jesus even questioned God when on the cross. It is ok to question God. God wants our pain in order to heal us and move on with life.
Ester Fleece presents a strong message about lamenting and how good it is for the body in order to heal and then move on with life. The author suffered from depression herself and gives stories of her life and examples of when she tried to be strong and when she finally needed to just relax and lament. There are tough times in life. It is not karma from God. God is needed during the lamenting process and then afterwards when there is a feeling of peace that comes from accepting and processing life’s tough moments.
I was provided a free copy of this book from Book Look Bloggers.
May 6, 2017
If I had to list one book that touched me more than any other book this year, it would be this one hands down. In this book, Ms. Fleece does not pull any punches. She does not tell you that life is going to go well and God has you in the palm of His hand, which means things will be easy.
Instead, she walks you through the bible and gives you permission to grieve and lament, in a biblical fashion. She shows how God, instead of as many in the church seem to believe, loves to hear our laments and sorrows spoken aloud.
This book will bring you to a place of being able to embrace the trials a bit more as you suffer through them, but also not be as afraid to share with others your struggles.
I found as I read this, I was absorbing, living and loving the permission to be real, but not just in a complaining way, but that living in reality is not complaining. I learned that Christianity does not always mean being positive. It often means that life is full of hardship. She goes into what joy is and what joy is not.
As I read it, it felt as though something was released in me, the ability to be okay with not being as fake as I feel others often expect you to be. This review, even feels lame in my effort to explain, but just get it and read it! You will not be sorry!
Instead, she walks you through the bible and gives you permission to grieve and lament, in a biblical fashion. She shows how God, instead of as many in the church seem to believe, loves to hear our laments and sorrows spoken aloud.
This book will bring you to a place of being able to embrace the trials a bit more as you suffer through them, but also not be as afraid to share with others your struggles.
I found as I read this, I was absorbing, living and loving the permission to be real, but not just in a complaining way, but that living in reality is not complaining. I learned that Christianity does not always mean being positive. It often means that life is full of hardship. She goes into what joy is and what joy is not.
As I read it, it felt as though something was released in me, the ability to be okay with not being as fake as I feel others often expect you to be. This review, even feels lame in my effort to explain, but just get it and read it! You will not be sorry!
April 7, 2020
I found this book after hearing an interview with the author. I feel this is the type of book you need to seek out, rather than a casual read that you found online. The author speaks about lamenting through her personal story. This book doesn't give you a step by step guide on how to lament. Rather, we learn as Esther learned and shares her life story, thus far.
For me, this was a book I slowly worked through, taking chunks and processing through as I read, then taking a break. While my story is not the same as Esther's, the grieving was the same (a point she makes along the way). I took notes in the margin and highlighted many parts to access easily in the future. That is not a regular practice for me. I see this as a good reference guide for the future as a reminder to take time to process what we face in life.
If you have faced a moment or moments in life that brought you to your knees, this might be a good read to encourage you. Not everyone has faced that moment, or is ready to deal with that type of moment, which might make this read feel shallow.
Alternately, if you seek a way to walk alongside someone who is suffering, take the time to read this and truly ingest it. It will make you a better friend for those that hurt.
For me, this was a book I slowly worked through, taking chunks and processing through as I read, then taking a break. While my story is not the same as Esther's, the grieving was the same (a point she makes along the way). I took notes in the margin and highlighted many parts to access easily in the future. That is not a regular practice for me. I see this as a good reference guide for the future as a reminder to take time to process what we face in life.
If you have faced a moment or moments in life that brought you to your knees, this might be a good read to encourage you. Not everyone has faced that moment, or is ready to deal with that type of moment, which might make this read feel shallow.
Alternately, if you seek a way to walk alongside someone who is suffering, take the time to read this and truly ingest it. It will make you a better friend for those that hurt.
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