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Coming Out of Homosexuality: New Freedom for Men and Women
Do you want God's will for your life -- but struggle with gay or lesbian desires? The authors of this book understand your dilemma. This is not a theoretical it is a practical guide for people struggling with same-sex desires. You'll find answers to your questions about what it means to be a man or woman, how your past relates to your present tensions, how biblical principles apply to your daily life, how you can form healthy relationships, and how your healing may eventually prepare you for heterosexual romance and marriage. Along the way you will read stories of other Christians who have dealt with the same issues you are facing and their personal failures and successes. Most of all, you'll find strategies that work because they have been developed and used by real people like you. This book will open up a new level of freedom and depth of insight beyond what you had dreamed possible.
208 pages, Paperback
First published December 21, 1993
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43 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 9, 2011
A well-meaning book intended to help someone deny themselves completely for fear of going to hell. I thought it was a good idea at the time... bluh! Do yourself a favor and realize that God made you the way you are for a reason and there's no reason undo His doings.
December 8, 2012
I've been trying to read a variety of books on the subject matter of the GLBT community and the church. This one was pointed very much at persons within the community who want to "be healed" not only of participating in same-sex relationships, but of desires/attractions in that area. I thought for people who are open to that idea, and feel a need/desire to move away from the GLBT community, it could be helpful or hopeful. However, I am not convinced that many people involved in the GLBT community are interested or even believe in such an option. It might be most helpful and hopeful for someone who has struggled silently with same-sex attractions seeking change within the context of a very supportive church community. Overall, the book is gentle and thoughtful, but so clearly comes from the most conservative religious viewpoints that it could be offensive to some people in the GLBT community who have been hurt by those viewpoints in the past.
I think my personal take-aways from the book were:
1) People who struggle silently with same-sex attractions within the church are in desperate need of support from their communities, but are often terrified of the ramifications of discussing these areas of their lives with other Christians.
2) For people who experience "successful" detachment from the GLBT lifestyle, the presence of other Christians and church communities who are willing to journey with them for the long, lifelong, haul seems to be the consistent and critical factor.
I would NOT recommend this book to someone unless they were specifically seeking this type of healing. The book is very detailed and specific, almost to the 12 step program level, but it was not really that accessible to me as someone trying to learn about this intersection of church/culture from the outside. If, like me, you are trying to learn how to "be the church" in this context, I would more highly recommend "Love is an Orientation" by Andrew Marin.
I think my personal take-aways from the book were:
1) People who struggle silently with same-sex attractions within the church are in desperate need of support from their communities, but are often terrified of the ramifications of discussing these areas of their lives with other Christians.
2) For people who experience "successful" detachment from the GLBT lifestyle, the presence of other Christians and church communities who are willing to journey with them for the long, lifelong, haul seems to be the consistent and critical factor.
I would NOT recommend this book to someone unless they were specifically seeking this type of healing. The book is very detailed and specific, almost to the 12 step program level, but it was not really that accessible to me as someone trying to learn about this intersection of church/culture from the outside. If, like me, you are trying to learn how to "be the church" in this context, I would more highly recommend "Love is an Orientation" by Andrew Marin.
May 17, 2024
A BOOK WRITTEN TO SUPPORT CHRISTIANS LEAVING THE LGBT LIFESTYLE
Bob Davies (former executive director of Exodus International) and Lori Rentzel (former counselor for Love In Action) wrote in the first chapter of this 1993 book, “During the past fourteen years, we have become personally acquainted with hundreds of men and women who have left behind the gay and lesbian lifestyle. We will be sharing some of their experiences in coming chapters… We have learned that each person seeking to overcome homosexuality is different. Those who have existed from homosexuality span a wide variety of ages, personalities, occupations and church denominations… we hope [this book] will serve as an introduction to the most important issues that you will face as YOU seek to overcome homosexuality. As you read of how God worked in the lives of other men and women, you will gain insights and encouragement for your own recovery process.” (Pg. 18-19)
They explain, “Of course, being married does not prove that a former homosexual is ‘healed.’ We have talked to many people who are married and still struggling with homosexual feelings and behavior. They live with each foot in a different world, feeling trapped in a heterosexual façade while secretly longing for same-gender sexual intimacy. They are usually desperately unhappy… A wedding ring does not mean that your homosexual issues are resolved.” (Pg. 27)
They note, “Loneliness is such a pervasive part of making any life changes, especially coming out of homosexuality or lesbianism. It can seem like your worst enemy, stalking you at any unguarded moment, threatening to do you in. The secret of loneliness is that it holds one of the most powerful keys to a changed life. Rather than being your worst enemy, it can become your ally as you see to
change and grow.” (Pg. 62)
They observe, “For many women in the lesbian lifestyle, being in control is more than just a desirable attribute. It is a guiding life principle… many lesbians have been victims of sexual and emotional abuse and have vowed in response, ‘No one is ever going to hurt me like that again. I am going to call the shotes from now on.’ Qualities that are often labeled ‘feminine’---such as being open, yielded, trusting---are pushed into the background, especially in relationship to men. Other qualities, ones that our culture traditionally associates with masculinity, are cultivated: aggressiveness, quick decision-making, ‘toughness,’ independence. For the ex-lesbian, the idea of being open and trusting in her responses might be enough to send her running out of the church, back to the comfort and familiarity of the lesbian lifestyle.” (Pg. 99)
They suggest, “Many women who have been victimized deliberately try to make themselves physically unappealing to avoid attention from men, which they fear will lead to further abuse. They feel very uncomfortable in outfits that show off their figures. They may begin to dress in masculine styles and in dark clothes, wear little makeup, or avoid jewelry. Some gain a substantial amount of extra weight. Sexual appeal is a threat to their security; they minimize it as much as possible.” (Pg. 126)
They lament, “Sadly, some ex-gay men and women compromise their moral standards before the wedding. They are so insecure about their ability to experience sexual arousal with their potential spouse that they allow affection to go beyond proper standards to see if they can become sexually aroused.” (Pg. 155)
They record, “One ex-gay man commented: ‘One of the things I really enjoyed after getting married was the new dynamic of relating with my wife as a couple to other couples. I’d known married people when I was single, but suddenly I experienced a greater depth of relationship with other married men. It was really exciting to get to know these men in a different way. It opened up a whole new world of same-sex relationships to me that continues to be exciting and very fulfilling.” (Pg. 160)
They quote Andy Comiskey, director of Desert Stream Ministries in Los Angeles, who said, “Ex-gay ministries run the risk of creating a distinct subculture. Composed solely of individuals seeking to come out of homosexuality, this subculture replaced the gay lifestyle as an alternative community.” (Pg. 177)
Both Love In Action and Exodus are now defunct, of course.
Bob Davies (former executive director of Exodus International) and Lori Rentzel (former counselor for Love In Action) wrote in the first chapter of this 1993 book, “During the past fourteen years, we have become personally acquainted with hundreds of men and women who have left behind the gay and lesbian lifestyle. We will be sharing some of their experiences in coming chapters… We have learned that each person seeking to overcome homosexuality is different. Those who have existed from homosexuality span a wide variety of ages, personalities, occupations and church denominations… we hope [this book] will serve as an introduction to the most important issues that you will face as YOU seek to overcome homosexuality. As you read of how God worked in the lives of other men and women, you will gain insights and encouragement for your own recovery process.” (Pg. 18-19)
They explain, “Of course, being married does not prove that a former homosexual is ‘healed.’ We have talked to many people who are married and still struggling with homosexual feelings and behavior. They live with each foot in a different world, feeling trapped in a heterosexual façade while secretly longing for same-gender sexual intimacy. They are usually desperately unhappy… A wedding ring does not mean that your homosexual issues are resolved.” (Pg. 27)
They note, “Loneliness is such a pervasive part of making any life changes, especially coming out of homosexuality or lesbianism. It can seem like your worst enemy, stalking you at any unguarded moment, threatening to do you in. The secret of loneliness is that it holds one of the most powerful keys to a changed life. Rather than being your worst enemy, it can become your ally as you see to
change and grow.” (Pg. 62)
They observe, “For many women in the lesbian lifestyle, being in control is more than just a desirable attribute. It is a guiding life principle… many lesbians have been victims of sexual and emotional abuse and have vowed in response, ‘No one is ever going to hurt me like that again. I am going to call the shotes from now on.’ Qualities that are often labeled ‘feminine’---such as being open, yielded, trusting---are pushed into the background, especially in relationship to men. Other qualities, ones that our culture traditionally associates with masculinity, are cultivated: aggressiveness, quick decision-making, ‘toughness,’ independence. For the ex-lesbian, the idea of being open and trusting in her responses might be enough to send her running out of the church, back to the comfort and familiarity of the lesbian lifestyle.” (Pg. 99)
They suggest, “Many women who have been victimized deliberately try to make themselves physically unappealing to avoid attention from men, which they fear will lead to further abuse. They feel very uncomfortable in outfits that show off their figures. They may begin to dress in masculine styles and in dark clothes, wear little makeup, or avoid jewelry. Some gain a substantial amount of extra weight. Sexual appeal is a threat to their security; they minimize it as much as possible.” (Pg. 126)
They lament, “Sadly, some ex-gay men and women compromise their moral standards before the wedding. They are so insecure about their ability to experience sexual arousal with their potential spouse that they allow affection to go beyond proper standards to see if they can become sexually aroused.” (Pg. 155)
They record, “One ex-gay man commented: ‘One of the things I really enjoyed after getting married was the new dynamic of relating with my wife as a couple to other couples. I’d known married people when I was single, but suddenly I experienced a greater depth of relationship with other married men. It was really exciting to get to know these men in a different way. It opened up a whole new world of same-sex relationships to me that continues to be exciting and very fulfilling.” (Pg. 160)
They quote Andy Comiskey, director of Desert Stream Ministries in Los Angeles, who said, “Ex-gay ministries run the risk of creating a distinct subculture. Composed solely of individuals seeking to come out of homosexuality, this subculture replaced the gay lifestyle as an alternative community.” (Pg. 177)
Both Love In Action and Exodus are now defunct, of course.
September 17, 2025
I really enjoyed this book. It's definitely worth rereading. It speaks on a topic that is pretty touchy, especially if one hasn't come to accept God's view of homosexuality. This is a book that has to be read with an open mind. One may get offended, but that's what I enjoyed about this book. I enjoyed the process of guilt, anger, confusion, sadness, etc. Give it a try. If you don't like it, put it down, express how you feel, and pick it back up later. That's what I did lol
November 13, 2013
Not being gay, I'm not sure how useful this may be. The author does include many personal stories to help illustrate his point. I enjoyed the straightforward approach and the approach of a hyperactive turn-or-burn mentality to be not there. That is not to say that homosexuality is talked about as sin that a person needs to repent of.
However, after seeing reviews of books and programs like this, there is definitely misinformation on both sides and that's because people allow their emotions to be forefront and deemed most important. I read this book as taking a step back from that front line mentality and being genuine about wanting to help people to repent.
The book covers many different aspects of the whole situation, far more than could be listed here while giving a fair shake to the book. But with the focus being on using the power of God's Word and repenting and truly accepting Christ as Lord and Savior - it's the only way one can truly change of ANY sinful act. Final Grade - B
However, after seeing reviews of books and programs like this, there is definitely misinformation on both sides and that's because people allow their emotions to be forefront and deemed most important. I read this book as taking a step back from that front line mentality and being genuine about wanting to help people to repent.
The book covers many different aspects of the whole situation, far more than could be listed here while giving a fair shake to the book. But with the focus being on using the power of God's Word and repenting and truly accepting Christ as Lord and Savior - it's the only way one can truly change of ANY sinful act. Final Grade - B
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews