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Equipped to Love : Idolatry-free Relationships
Presents practical insights into the dynamic of what hinders one's freedom to love with God's kind of love - the spirit of idolatry.It also focuses on the Source of one's ability to love--a relationship with the spirit of God.You'll learn to distinguish between God's kind of love and the world's kind of love.Harmful,hidden motivations which hinder ability to love will come to light , resulting in a greater freedom to love.You'll also be equipped to recognize the characteristics and destructiveness of the spirit of idolatry, as well as the nature and healing which comes from the Spirit of God as He loves through you. Jesus Christ equips you to Love! By the grace of God, you'll never be the same after reading "Equipped to Love".
130 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2001
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124 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
July 17, 2017
One of the great books I've read in recent years. A lot to think about, and act upon.
February 4, 2018
This book changed my life. God used it illuminate idolatry in my life and reveal to me why I had struggled in certain areas of my life for years. I have also met the author in person, and he is the most humble man. He truly has a heart to help people understand God's word and apply it. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak, you won't be disappointed. Would love to read more of his works.
June 29, 2018
This little book is pretty eye opening and has helped change the way I think about loving others.
September 29, 2018
No matter how much we love someone, it’s hard to always love them the way we ought to. And we can never love others perfectly as God loves. John Calvin is quoted as stating, “Our hearts are idol factories.” An idol is something or someone to which we look to supply what only God can supply. From the day we are born, we naturally seek to have our needs and our desires met, when and how we want them to be. Before knowing God, we only know to look to our parents and our surroundings to make us feel satisfied, happy, and secure. Without realizing it, we have begun the process of manufacturing idols in our life, controlling and manipulating others around us in order to get what we want. Of course no one but God can completely and perfectly meet our every need, so inevitably we become frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed, or resentful. Eventually we turn to new idols, but mostly we make an idol out of Self – depending on our own wisdom, strength, etc. to get what we want for ourselves.
Norm Wakefield calls the behaviors that we do to get others to meet our needs and demands “carving” – just like what ungodly, pagan societies have done for centuries with wood and stone. Carving may be done using positive behavior, like complimenting or giving gifts; it may be carried out in the form of negative actions, like insulting or withholding affection. As I read through the initial chapters, I became aware that there have been many times that I resorted to negative carving when positive carving didn’t produce the results I wanted, particularly with my children. Children do it to their parents; spouses do it to one another.
So what does all this talk about idolatry have to do with being “equipped to love”? Wakefield explains that when I set up people as idols in my life by looking to them to meet my needs, I am not able to love them with God’s love. I am using them for my own selfish purposes; this is the world’s kind of love. Wakefield observes that a person “under the influence of the spirit of idolatry seeks to fashion the person or situation to supply self-centered desires and comfort.” I came to see that so much of what I do is primarily for myself. I had not realized that my happiness was often contingent upon my loved ones responding favorably to my desires or expectations, and when they failed to do so (which they often did), I became unhappy, angry or discouraged. When we put anything in the place of God, “we give that person, object or circumstance the power to make us miserable.” Additionally, as we carve on the people we are called to love, we actually drive them away from us and alienate them. I began to see how I had allowed this to happen in my own life, especially.
And what about our relationship with God? How have we “carved” on God – tried to control or manipulate Him into responding the way we want Him to? Do we believe that God saved us because of our decision? Do we pray to Him so He will grant us our wishes? Are we obedient to God’s Word so that He will reward us? When things don’t go as we would like, do we assume that God will fix the situation and make it better to suit us? Are we yielding to His will, or are we expecting Him to yield to ours?
Equipped to Love has given me a new, liberating perspective on my relationships, including my relationship with God. Wakefield quotes a friend of his: “Every relationship is an opportunity to love, and every situation is an opportunity to trust.” It was a revelation to me when I realized that EVERY difficult person and situation in my life comes from my Heavenly Father for His glory and His purposes in my life. This includes disobedient children, mean bosses, hurtful friends, loss of employment, and health problems. That person or situation to which I may be reacting sinfully is the very thing or person that God has placed in my life to show me my weakness and my need for Him. This is when I must depend on Him to love and to trust; I cannot do it on my own. How many of these opportunities have I wasted? What a thought!
When I am faced with the challenges of life, who or what do I seek for help and wisdom? In every situation, no matter how difficult, I must remind myself that everything I have, at each moment, comes from God. “And my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory” (Phil 4:19). He has all the power AND resources, and He will supply all I need to glorify Him in the current situation. I need look nowhere else.
When I sense a lack of or need for love, acceptance, comfort or security, do I turn to the creature or to the Creator to supply that need? II Peter 1:3 reminds us that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness; do we truly believe it? Colossians 2:10 says, “In Him you have been made complete.” This is the secret to true contentment! Wakefield remarks, “As long as you feel that you are lacking something… you will be vulnerable to making an idol for yourself.” I will always be looking out for my own interests and trying to fulfill my perceived needs in my way. But Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This doesn’t mean He will give me what I want. It means that as I grow closer to God and allow myself to be filled with Christ, God’s desires will replace my own selfish desires and His love will fill me. I will no longer be enslaved by idolatry and will seek His desires and purposes. As a result, I will be freed and equipped to love with God’s love, not the world’s love.
Norm Wakefield calls the behaviors that we do to get others to meet our needs and demands “carving” – just like what ungodly, pagan societies have done for centuries with wood and stone. Carving may be done using positive behavior, like complimenting or giving gifts; it may be carried out in the form of negative actions, like insulting or withholding affection. As I read through the initial chapters, I became aware that there have been many times that I resorted to negative carving when positive carving didn’t produce the results I wanted, particularly with my children. Children do it to their parents; spouses do it to one another.
So what does all this talk about idolatry have to do with being “equipped to love”? Wakefield explains that when I set up people as idols in my life by looking to them to meet my needs, I am not able to love them with God’s love. I am using them for my own selfish purposes; this is the world’s kind of love. Wakefield observes that a person “under the influence of the spirit of idolatry seeks to fashion the person or situation to supply self-centered desires and comfort.” I came to see that so much of what I do is primarily for myself. I had not realized that my happiness was often contingent upon my loved ones responding favorably to my desires or expectations, and when they failed to do so (which they often did), I became unhappy, angry or discouraged. When we put anything in the place of God, “we give that person, object or circumstance the power to make us miserable.” Additionally, as we carve on the people we are called to love, we actually drive them away from us and alienate them. I began to see how I had allowed this to happen in my own life, especially.
And what about our relationship with God? How have we “carved” on God – tried to control or manipulate Him into responding the way we want Him to? Do we believe that God saved us because of our decision? Do we pray to Him so He will grant us our wishes? Are we obedient to God’s Word so that He will reward us? When things don’t go as we would like, do we assume that God will fix the situation and make it better to suit us? Are we yielding to His will, or are we expecting Him to yield to ours?
Equipped to Love has given me a new, liberating perspective on my relationships, including my relationship with God. Wakefield quotes a friend of his: “Every relationship is an opportunity to love, and every situation is an opportunity to trust.” It was a revelation to me when I realized that EVERY difficult person and situation in my life comes from my Heavenly Father for His glory and His purposes in my life. This includes disobedient children, mean bosses, hurtful friends, loss of employment, and health problems. That person or situation to which I may be reacting sinfully is the very thing or person that God has placed in my life to show me my weakness and my need for Him. This is when I must depend on Him to love and to trust; I cannot do it on my own. How many of these opportunities have I wasted? What a thought!
When I am faced with the challenges of life, who or what do I seek for help and wisdom? In every situation, no matter how difficult, I must remind myself that everything I have, at each moment, comes from God. “And my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory” (Phil 4:19). He has all the power AND resources, and He will supply all I need to glorify Him in the current situation. I need look nowhere else.
When I sense a lack of or need for love, acceptance, comfort or security, do I turn to the creature or to the Creator to supply that need? II Peter 1:3 reminds us that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness; do we truly believe it? Colossians 2:10 says, “In Him you have been made complete.” This is the secret to true contentment! Wakefield remarks, “As long as you feel that you are lacking something… you will be vulnerable to making an idol for yourself.” I will always be looking out for my own interests and trying to fulfill my perceived needs in my way. But Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This doesn’t mean He will give me what I want. It means that as I grow closer to God and allow myself to be filled with Christ, God’s desires will replace my own selfish desires and His love will fill me. I will no longer be enslaved by idolatry and will seek His desires and purposes. As a result, I will be freed and equipped to love with God’s love, not the world’s love.
September 26, 2018
Great message, it really gets the reader thinking about all their relationships and if they are truly loving those people with God's love. It was easy to read with a lot of bible verses all through it. The style of writing is personal and Norm speaks of his own mistakes. He is real and open just like he is in real life. I would recommend this to anyone no matter what stage of life they are in. It really helps with understanding what loving people with Gods love looks like and doesn't look like.
May 21, 2020
A challenging read that brings the prideful Christian to heel. The challenges are deep, the writing direct, and the words beneficial. Wakefield walks the reader through how to love God above all else while realizing the damage idolatry causes for the Christian. We all want strong marital relationships, but our first call is to seek first the kingdom of God. One who does that will be a better husband or wife to his or her spouse.
May 24, 2023
I rarely reread books. So that immediately says this was an exceptional book.
The hard-to-hear and oh-so-good-to-apply truths here are exactly what our hearts and souls need for deep repentance and even deeper peace in the hardest relationships we face.
Highly recommend.
The hard-to-hear and oh-so-good-to-apply truths here are exactly what our hearts and souls need for deep repentance and even deeper peace in the hardest relationships we face.
Highly recommend.
August 2, 2019
This review will be simple and short. If you are a Christian or have an interest in understanding relationships this book is required reading. Most excellent.
February 11, 2016
I added this book to The Twelve because I feel that it's message is one we would do well to be reminded of.
This is not a romantic book, in that it is not about the emotional rush that we can experience in romance, and it is not focused even on marital love, though those subjects are addressed. This book is about how we often 'love' others by making them idols and expecting them to satisfy our needs. Whether it is a wife or girlfriend, a teammate, a leader, or a brother, we can often set those around us on pedestals, worshiping them for the way they make us feel and how they fulfill our needs. Because they are human however, and because we are asking them to fill a hole that only God can fill, they will eventually disappoint, resulting in broken relationships and bitterness. When we focus on Christ as our ultimate provider, it allows us to treat those around as they really are, fallen creatures on a journey with us toward eternity.
This is not a romantic book, in that it is not about the emotional rush that we can experience in romance, and it is not focused even on marital love, though those subjects are addressed. This book is about how we often 'love' others by making them idols and expecting them to satisfy our needs. Whether it is a wife or girlfriend, a teammate, a leader, or a brother, we can often set those around us on pedestals, worshiping them for the way they make us feel and how they fulfill our needs. Because they are human however, and because we are asking them to fill a hole that only God can fill, they will eventually disappoint, resulting in broken relationships and bitterness. When we focus on Christ as our ultimate provider, it allows us to treat those around as they really are, fallen creatures on a journey with us toward eternity.
May 18, 2016
A very quick read with TONS of scriptural support, in fact, I believe Norm only used scripture as support - with a few anecdotes here and there. All in all a very good read and highly motivational. The book argues, quite effectively, that any situation you find yourself in, has been allowed to come your way by a Sovereign God. Therefore it is for your benefit, and to the glory of God, that you respond in love and faithfulness to any situation. If you decide your wants and desires are more important, you are setting up yourself as an idol in place of the one true God. The book will encourage all believers to love more unconditionally, and endure more trials joyfully, all for the sake of the glory of God - which will in turn bring about the "peace which surpasses all understanding."
June 18, 2016
I read this book ages ago in high school, and recently thought it might be worth a reread. See, despite the abysmal barbie-pink cover with the enormous heart on the front (very misleading) this book is not about luuuurve. It's about relationships, with parents, children, friends, churches, you name it. More specifically, it's about rooting out the idolatry in our relationships, learning to love as God loves, selflessly, rather than for our own gain. I liked it as a teenager and I find it still relevant now. Highly recommend.
March 3, 2020
I’m not sure I’ve ever read a book so packed full of truth. I heard this message 15 years ago before it was a book and it impacts me greatly every time I hear/read it. I highly recommend you read this book if you want to love as only we can love thru Christ work in us! Rich truths and so much to chew on.
August 12, 2015
You will have never truly loved someone until you have read this book. It has been life changing for me. It's very convicting, and will certainly bring you to see your great need for Christ's help in relationships.
January 11, 2011
So far, this book is amazing! It really has great insight on the reasons behind why we tend to get upset with people. It's all about learning to love God's way. I give this a two thumbs up!
December 20, 2013
Insightful. Enjoyable.
November 22, 2012
This is probably the best book on Christian love out there. It is so convicting and powerful.
March 8, 2013
This book is very important if you want to love people... which pretty much means everyone should read it. :D
June 27, 2013
This was a game changer for me.
April 3, 2014
If you're a human, you should read this.
January 8, 2023
A good study to keep you from turning your relationships into idols.
August 18, 2009
Very good insight on the world's kind of love vs. God's kind of love.
April 14, 2014
Excellent book! It challenged me to look at how I love God and how I love other people.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews