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The Cost of Winning: Coming in First Across the Wrong Finish Line
Life is not a contest. Why do we make it one and, in the process, make ourselves unhappy and distant from the Lord? Bestselling author Dean Hughes suggests some ways to "get out of the game," shedding a lot of what doesn't matter and focusing on what does. "When I stand before the Lord to answer for my life," he writes, "I'm certain that He is going to ask me a very different set of questions from the ones the world asks me. It seems important, during life, to 'win' at all sorts of better job, bigger house, more important church calling, children with greater achievements. But I think the Lord will want to know whether I was kind and humble and whether I looked out for people in need." Dean offers some practical suggestions that will help us think more clearly about our priorities and act in ways that will make us truly happy because they will draw us closer to Christ.
176 pages, Paperback
First published May 6, 2008
8 people are currently reading
152 people want to read
About the author
Dean Hughes
165 books347 followersDean Hughes is the author of more than eighty books for young readers, including the popular sports series Angel Park All-Stars, the Scrappers series, the Nutty series, the widely acclaimed companion novels Family Pose and Team Picture, and Search and Destroy. Soldier Boys was selected for the 2001 New York Public Library Books for the Teen Age list. Dean Hughes and his wife, Kathleen, have three children and six grandchildren. They live in Midway, Utah.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
June 10, 2010
Some years ago, shortly after I returned to motorcycling, I was riding from Branson, Missouri back home to Texas. Somewhere along the road, I was enjoying the fresh air and scenery, when slowly a car in the next lane over began to creep up on me. Almost without conscious realization, I increased my own speed ever so slightly to stay ahead. A few moments later, here came the car, and again I sped up, and then it happened yet again. With some mild, but noticeable annoyance, and again almost as a visceral reaction, I put on a short burst of speed to take care of the “intrusion” once and for all. In that moment, I look at my speedometer, and to my very real surprise I was going … ahem … well over the speed limit!
Now, I know better, and seldom do I find myself in such situations. However, what struck me in that moment was that the experience might well serve as a metaphor for life … winning could well have cost me my life on that stretch of road, and all too often, winning in this world could well cost me my spiritual life! This insight is the central theme of Dean Hughes’ book, The Cost of Winning. I’d like to share a few insights into living and motorcycling, parallelisms if you will, that occurred to me as I have pondered the lessons in his book. My thoughts are by no means an exhaustive summary of the wisdom in this little volume, and so I encourage you to pick up a copy and read it for yourself. With that disclaimer in mind, I humbly submit the following for your consideration.
On Wasted Effort. “I see so much wasted effort in our world: people setting goals and going after them as though the achievement is all-important. Someone decides to run all the way across America, backwards, while juggling…or some such thing. No doubt, that takes stamina and concentration, which are good traits. But, really, does the accomplishment itself matter?”
Some of you may see yourself in my own practices. There are times when I find myself obsessively pursuing a goal that I believe to be worthwhile or relaxing, only to find that after accomplishment of the goal, it seems to have lost its value. Elsewhere, Brother Hughes notes that “we need to be careful about allowing the world to define our goals.” I’ve finally begun to question some of the goals (professional and personal) that previously I had embraced uncritically, and to ponder deeply whether they are really worth the required amount of time from my life to achieve them, or whether that time might be better spent doing something less admired by the world, but more appreciated by my Father in Heaven. Motorcycling, it seems to me, may be one of those activities prone to such obsession….going here and there or acquiring the latest doodad or gizmo. That is why I appreciate my membership in the TRA. It’s about temple service, and we just happen to have a relatively unusual way of getting there!
On Looking Good vs. Being Good. “…hypocrisy…is translated from a Greek word that means “play acting.” And there certainly is a danger when and if our religious devotion crosses a line and becomes more appearance than reality. This divide in our lives, always wondering whether we’re as righteous as others perceive us to be – can damage us over time. If we concentrate so much on looking good, we can easily forget that the real job is to be good.”
When I returned to motorcycling, I made the (not so serious) mistake of buying a cruiser. Now, I like my VTX, but it wasn’t too long before I realized that I much prefer touring to the cruising lifestyle. So, I spent some hard-earned time and money retrofitting my VTX so that it would function competently as a touring vehicle. Now, it is a pretty good substitute for a touring machine, and I enjoy it greatly, but I find myself looking longingly at purpose-built machines like the Gold Wing or the BMW R1100RT. My cruiser is, in a sense, play-acting at being a touring motorcycle. On the human side, I have learned (maybe I’m the only one, but I don’t think so) that I need to be constantly on the alert to avoid looking good at the expense of being good. The famous philosopher, Anonymous, once said “Fashion is the art of appearances, and it inspires one to seem rather than to be.” I would rather be, than seem to be, and this is a lesson that is easily seen, metaphorically, in motorcycling.
On the Change of Heart. The Lord has promised to help us along the way, and what source of strength could be more powerful? The road to perfection sounds hard, but putting our lives in the hands of God is easy. Remember that image of his yoke: it’s easy because He’s next to us, pulling with us. And no one, taking on a yoke, sets out running. It’s an even pace, and a peaceful one.”
When I first began learning to ride, I was nervous and tense. And, it seemed that the more I “competent” I became, the faster I was able to ride in the twisties and on the straights, the less relaxing and peaceful was the ride. It took a few years for me to realize that fast and furious doesn’t equal competent, and that true expertise nearly always results in a ride that is relaxing, refreshing, and peaceful. Again, this has become a gospel metaphor for me, illustrated by Brother Hughes’ comment above. When I ride with the Lord, that is, when I am acting, thinking, and feeling in ways that are consistent with his desires for me, life is peaceful regardless of the turmoil that might be surrounding me at the time. Conversely, when I am pursuing my own goals and desires, when I am not in tune with the Spirit, my heart and mind will not be at rest. The only solution is to (daily) seek that mighty change of heart advocated by King Benjamin. As Brother Hughes says, “it’s an easy pace, and a peaceful one” just like my most memorable motorcycle rides have been.
These are just a few of the lessons that became salient to me as I read and thought about this book. As with most thoughtful books of this sort, the lessons and thought provocations will be different for everyone who reads it, because each person has different needs and circumstances. For that reason, I highly recommend that you find and read The Cost of Winning,” by Dean Hughes.
Now, I know better, and seldom do I find myself in such situations. However, what struck me in that moment was that the experience might well serve as a metaphor for life … winning could well have cost me my life on that stretch of road, and all too often, winning in this world could well cost me my spiritual life! This insight is the central theme of Dean Hughes’ book, The Cost of Winning. I’d like to share a few insights into living and motorcycling, parallelisms if you will, that occurred to me as I have pondered the lessons in his book. My thoughts are by no means an exhaustive summary of the wisdom in this little volume, and so I encourage you to pick up a copy and read it for yourself. With that disclaimer in mind, I humbly submit the following for your consideration.
On Wasted Effort. “I see so much wasted effort in our world: people setting goals and going after them as though the achievement is all-important. Someone decides to run all the way across America, backwards, while juggling…or some such thing. No doubt, that takes stamina and concentration, which are good traits. But, really, does the accomplishment itself matter?”
Some of you may see yourself in my own practices. There are times when I find myself obsessively pursuing a goal that I believe to be worthwhile or relaxing, only to find that after accomplishment of the goal, it seems to have lost its value. Elsewhere, Brother Hughes notes that “we need to be careful about allowing the world to define our goals.” I’ve finally begun to question some of the goals (professional and personal) that previously I had embraced uncritically, and to ponder deeply whether they are really worth the required amount of time from my life to achieve them, or whether that time might be better spent doing something less admired by the world, but more appreciated by my Father in Heaven. Motorcycling, it seems to me, may be one of those activities prone to such obsession….going here and there or acquiring the latest doodad or gizmo. That is why I appreciate my membership in the TRA. It’s about temple service, and we just happen to have a relatively unusual way of getting there!
On Looking Good vs. Being Good. “…hypocrisy…is translated from a Greek word that means “play acting.” And there certainly is a danger when and if our religious devotion crosses a line and becomes more appearance than reality. This divide in our lives, always wondering whether we’re as righteous as others perceive us to be – can damage us over time. If we concentrate so much on looking good, we can easily forget that the real job is to be good.”
When I returned to motorcycling, I made the (not so serious) mistake of buying a cruiser. Now, I like my VTX, but it wasn’t too long before I realized that I much prefer touring to the cruising lifestyle. So, I spent some hard-earned time and money retrofitting my VTX so that it would function competently as a touring vehicle. Now, it is a pretty good substitute for a touring machine, and I enjoy it greatly, but I find myself looking longingly at purpose-built machines like the Gold Wing or the BMW R1100RT. My cruiser is, in a sense, play-acting at being a touring motorcycle. On the human side, I have learned (maybe I’m the only one, but I don’t think so) that I need to be constantly on the alert to avoid looking good at the expense of being good. The famous philosopher, Anonymous, once said “Fashion is the art of appearances, and it inspires one to seem rather than to be.” I would rather be, than seem to be, and this is a lesson that is easily seen, metaphorically, in motorcycling.
On the Change of Heart. The Lord has promised to help us along the way, and what source of strength could be more powerful? The road to perfection sounds hard, but putting our lives in the hands of God is easy. Remember that image of his yoke: it’s easy because He’s next to us, pulling with us. And no one, taking on a yoke, sets out running. It’s an even pace, and a peaceful one.”
When I first began learning to ride, I was nervous and tense. And, it seemed that the more I “competent” I became, the faster I was able to ride in the twisties and on the straights, the less relaxing and peaceful was the ride. It took a few years for me to realize that fast and furious doesn’t equal competent, and that true expertise nearly always results in a ride that is relaxing, refreshing, and peaceful. Again, this has become a gospel metaphor for me, illustrated by Brother Hughes’ comment above. When I ride with the Lord, that is, when I am acting, thinking, and feeling in ways that are consistent with his desires for me, life is peaceful regardless of the turmoil that might be surrounding me at the time. Conversely, when I am pursuing my own goals and desires, when I am not in tune with the Spirit, my heart and mind will not be at rest. The only solution is to (daily) seek that mighty change of heart advocated by King Benjamin. As Brother Hughes says, “it’s an easy pace, and a peaceful one” just like my most memorable motorcycle rides have been.
These are just a few of the lessons that became salient to me as I read and thought about this book. As with most thoughtful books of this sort, the lessons and thought provocations will be different for everyone who reads it, because each person has different needs and circumstances. For that reason, I highly recommend that you find and read The Cost of Winning,” by Dean Hughes.
March 5, 2009
I was really excited when this book came out. I have somewhat more mixed feelings about it now. For one, the author is a self-confessed "Type A" male. He admitted his problems to be things like getting angry with others over driving and waiting in lines at stores. I guess this type of "competitiveness" just really didn't resonate with me. Hughes also seems unnecessarily hard on "all of us", as when he asserted that he doesn't know of any Latter-Day Saints who actually don't drive aggressively or differently from others. I'm hardly unusually holy, but I had a real struggle after my baptism to change my driving practices (I found bellowing Hum Your Favorite Hymn helped, lol) and I hardly think I'm the only one besides Hughes who has thought about this.
Anyway. I guess parts of the book were OK, but I was thinking "Duh!" The part that was very meaningful to me, and that I wish Hughes had expanded on, was the chapter on "appearances" and how we look at each other and worry that we don't "measure up" and so are afraid to let others see any hint of our failings or weaknesses for fear of being thought less spiritual or less, well, celestial, than others. This area is a personal minefield for me, and I think for many women I know. I guess we need a woman to take up the topic from that perspective to really address the issue from my perspective.
But overall a good, and a needed, book to help us look at ourselves and decide if we are after the right things or not.
Anyway. I guess parts of the book were OK, but I was thinking "Duh!" The part that was very meaningful to me, and that I wish Hughes had expanded on, was the chapter on "appearances" and how we look at each other and worry that we don't "measure up" and so are afraid to let others see any hint of our failings or weaknesses for fear of being thought less spiritual or less, well, celestial, than others. This area is a personal minefield for me, and I think for many women I know. I guess we need a woman to take up the topic from that perspective to really address the issue from my perspective.
But overall a good, and a needed, book to help us look at ourselves and decide if we are after the right things or not.
November 3, 2009
I enjoyed the rather informal style of this book, which I found more like a peek inside the ruminations of the author's mind than an expert preaching or teaching on the topic - just the thoughts and experiences of another person like me trying to find his way across the right finish line. I found many of those thoughts to resonate with my ideas of how I ought to be.
I read it some time ago, but one part that stuck with me was his experience asking two questions of a Sunday School class - first what it meant to be a good Mormon (or you could substitute Baptist or any other religion), and second, what it meant to be a good Christian. The answers received from the class to the first question focused on things like attending church, paying tithes and offerings, doing home and visiting teaching, etc., while the answers to the second question focused on things like loving others, caring for the needy, treating others kindly, etc. The author then asks, shouldn't the answers to these questions be the same? I find that a good question to ponder again and again, and in so doing, consider that it isn't in doing those things that were the responses to his first question that we find our way back to God, but in doing them with a heart focused on the responses to his second question. I highly recommend this book.
I read it some time ago, but one part that stuck with me was his experience asking two questions of a Sunday School class - first what it meant to be a good Mormon (or you could substitute Baptist or any other religion), and second, what it meant to be a good Christian. The answers received from the class to the first question focused on things like attending church, paying tithes and offerings, doing home and visiting teaching, etc., while the answers to the second question focused on things like loving others, caring for the needy, treating others kindly, etc. The author then asks, shouldn't the answers to these questions be the same? I find that a good question to ponder again and again, and in so doing, consider that it isn't in doing those things that were the responses to his first question that we find our way back to God, but in doing them with a heart focused on the responses to his second question. I highly recommend this book.
April 25, 2008
An excellent book that made me stop and ponder how I behave. Through personal experiences and excellent insights the author give a compelling reason to live a better life.
We get so caught up in "winning" and getting ahead of others that we forget that the true reason we are all here is to learn to follow Christ.
While reading the book and since finishing it, my days have been better. I am more thoughtful and considerate of others and their needs and circumstances. My actions have been gradually moving towards where I can be happy with what I have done at the end of the day. I am not perfect, but I am progressing which is the idea.
A book I will read again and again. One to pass along too...
We get so caught up in "winning" and getting ahead of others that we forget that the true reason we are all here is to learn to follow Christ.
While reading the book and since finishing it, my days have been better. I am more thoughtful and considerate of others and their needs and circumstances. My actions have been gradually moving towards where I can be happy with what I have done at the end of the day. I am not perfect, but I am progressing which is the idea.
A book I will read again and again. One to pass along too...
April 5, 2013
I found this gem on the discount table at Seagull a few years ago. After I devoured it, I went back and bought my husband a copy. I wish I'd bought ten more to give away. Dean Hughes writes about all of the different ways we (members of the LDS church) focus on the wrong goals, in an attempt to cross that eternal goal line. The numbers game is one; putting an emphasis on works and ignoring the power of grace is another. It's hard to explain just how powerful this little book is. One chapter heading should give you an idea of the content: "Looking Good vs. Being Good." There's also a chapter titled "Seeing Clearly," and another titled "Our Divided Selves."
June 17, 2008
Really good at the beginning and at the end, but slow in the middle, this book has a great idea to offer. All of us struggle with competiveness towards others and it manifests itself in jealousy, pride, enmity, etc. He suggests that it is in our best interests as good people to "get out of the game" and stop seeing the successes of others as knocking us one rung down the ladder of our own success. He says this in a lot of different ways and I found his ideas to be an "aha" for me. Even though I slogged through that middle part, it was very worth reading.
November 18, 2015
I really enjoyed this book, it was exactly what I needed right now, and a great way to start the new year. It kept me thinking throughout the course of reading it and throughout the days inbetween. It is amazing how much we really treat life as a competition and don't have our priorities as much in line as we think we do. I love that the author is very open about his own faults, and the book does not come across as preachy in any way. It really has made me think and evaluate some things in my own life and has encouraged me to change. One of the best self help books I've read.
January 8, 2011
I read most of the book feeling like it would get a '3-star' rating from me. It had some very insightful ideas that made you stop and think, but the same ideas were repeated chapter after chapter with different examples and angles.
Then, I love the last two chapters that share great practical application ideas. That bumped it up to four stars! The author really does have some excellent insights.
Then, I love the last two chapters that share great practical application ideas. That bumped it up to four stars! The author really does have some excellent insights.
June 2, 2008
I liked this book. It was a quick read and had lots of good examples and stories to illustrate the point that competition can go to extremes. It isn't one I'd buy or re-read later, but it was a good read and made me consider ways I might be trying to "compete" against others instead of living the gospel and loving them.
July 11, 2008
I don't generally do non fiction reading but this book makes me realize the bigger picture of what is important in my life. Is it the thinking of what the quote" those with the most toys wins" when really we cannot take these"toys' to heaven with us so why are we going so far in debt? something to think about.
August 11, 2008
I thoroughly enjoyed Mr. Hughes perspective about our need to focus on what is important in this life. Too often we really do get caught up in competition that is destructive as we pit ourselves against others when we should be all walking along side by side each doing our best. This is one I would like to read again periodically.
November 7, 2008
This is the best non-fiction, non-academic, church book I have ever read!! It is a fast, easy read and gets right to the core of some of the problems we have in Mormon culture and how to fix them in ourselves. This is the first book, of 10 or more, that I began with this pregnancy that I have actually been able to get through and really absorb and enjoy.
May 12, 2009
This is another good read. I am reading this along with other books. I am not too far into it but at present it is a four star but could be a five star by time I am done. Highly recommend to parents and grand parents or anyone who is trying to live a Christ like life.
I just completed this and it is excellent.
I just completed this and it is excellent.
August 23, 2009
This book was really good and had the basic premise of be good and be kind. It was written by an LDS member so there are alot of Mormon references but can be interpreted in any type of lifestyle. I love reading books that seem to say "we have too many things, humanity has forgotten how to be nice and love one another". This is another of those types of books.
January 26, 2010
I loved this book (which is a non-fiction book, targeted for an LDS reader). It is an insightful look at substance verses appearance in discipleship and the way the values of the world subtly creep into our lives, despite our best intentions. It is a quick read, but profound and thought provoking.
September 30, 2010
I was surprised to find out what a truly prideful and competitive person I am. I was motivated to work and improve. I think just being aware will help, but I need to find a way to make it a conscious effort every day to set better priorities and be more meek and charitable. Very thought provoking.
September 14, 2010
If I could give this book more than 5 stars I would!!!!! The book is full of simple and true insight on some of my life struggles. Others might not have a weakness in the principles that are taught, but they spoke directly to me. I finished the book and drove straight to Seagull Book to buy my own copy (on the bargain table for $3.99). A book I am sure I will pick up again and again!!!!
February 18, 2011
I really liked this book, especially how informally it's written. It reads more like a conversation with the author than a lecture. He reminds us of what's really important, how simple the principles of the Gospel are, and how we tend to complicate things and compete too much with each other. He also offers great suggestions on how to live a more Christ-like life.
Currently reading
September 29, 2008So far, so good. I was staring at my bookshelf in search of something non-fiction that would hold my attention. I'm really liking this one so far. I'll detail it better once I get beyond the first chapter.
October 10, 2008
It is easy to find yourself running from one thing to the next in life, forgetting the big picture. This book helps bring things back into perspective without adding guilt or feelings of inadequacy. I liked Hughes' sense of humor that really came out in this book.
November 28, 2008
Great concepts, and a really pertinent topic. I just couldn't get into the book. I kept getting bored, skimming through it, even nearly fell asleep reading it. I finally gave up. Maybe I'll try again later when I'm in more of a "non-fiction" and/or "learn" mode.
November 2, 2008
I really enjoyed the book. I don't know if it brought me back home there in Utah while I am out here or what. I really liked the road rage advice. I found it humerous but I do apply it now. I find that I am a more curtious driver.
November 3, 2008
I wasn't very impressed with this book. It certainly wasn't worth the money, in my opinion. I was things the author should have put in his journal or given in snippets at church. Some good thoughts but not particularly interesting.
November 7, 2008
I don't like competition much, so I agreed with pretty much everything he says in here. I learned a lot too about my attitudes and how to make them better. It's not a novel like a lot of his other books. It's a books of ideas, sort of a very long critical essay, very well written.
January 30, 2009
Put's life in perspective. Helped me re-evaluate mine. It inspired me to no longer look at celebrity magazines or waste time watching worthless reality television. Helped me focus on what is really important and becoming who I really want to be.
February 18, 2009
This book made me think about why I do certain things, and what line am I standing in. Are my priorities in order or am I running after something that will bring me no happiness. I needed to hear these things. Good Read!
June 7, 2009
This book has a marvelous message. The first half is strong and clear. I think the middle becomes a tad drawn out and slow. However, the end picks up and finishes strong. It is definitely worth the read.
February 12, 2010
No real developed arguments, just seems sort of ramblings on a theme. Makes good points and did inspire me to rethink some of my attitudes and behavior, but not really book-worthy. Could have been done in a 20-page pamphlet, maybe.
January 11, 2011
There was nothing overly profound in this book-I felt like I knew it all already but I did enjoy his perspective and the blunt reminders of what we really all need to be doing, how we need to treat others and what kind of frame out thoughts and actions need to be set in.
October 14, 2010
What is important in this life? Are we chasing after the wrong goals? This little book discusses the goals we should be pursuing and those that aren't so important--but that most of us are spending a lot of time trying to accomplish. I really liked this book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews