10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives

by Joe Kort

Would the small gay boy you once were look up to the gay man you've become? This is the question Dr. Joe Kort explores in 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives (completely revised and updated edition) as he guides readers through the complex journey of becoming a fully self-actualized gay man. Learn the five biggest mistakes gay men make when seeking a relationship. Understand how to deal with loved ones who disapprove of your being gay. Overcome damaging patterns that are holding you back from enjoying a healthy sex life. Learn how to identify your own internalized homophobia, a chronic issue that prevents many gay men from leading satisfying lives and keeps them from having healthy relationships. This updated and revised edition is more sex positive than the first edition and includes a new chapter on exploring erotic turn ons and sexual interests. Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) is also addressed for those struggling with sexual issues. After coming out, a gay man will typically feel better at first, but often the good feelings don't last. This is because "coming out" is only part of the beginning of the journey. This book provides a map for navigating the whole long passage of becoming the gay man you want to be.

Genres: LGBT, Nonfiction, Gay, Self Help, Queer, Relationships

220 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2003

Reviews

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting ideas. It provides some food for thought, although it does feel like a big book-length ad for Imago relationship therapy.

[Tucker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Men who are putting up with other people's cluelessness and rudeness about their gayness or who haven't yet come out at all, or who are having sex in disordered manners or excessive amounts or not at all, might find this book a gentle cradle in which to say: "Oh."

[JaYson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book might not be for straight men or women. Just kidding. I always love to know about smart things gay men can do to improve their lives. I enjoyed this book and think it should be part of a welcoming kit for newly out gays. I think that all of the community can take away something from the 10 smart things, I know I did.

[M.R. Cullen · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off this is a very easy to understand book and the 10 smart things in the title are pretty much commonsense. If I'd come across this book 20-years ago before I came out I think it would have been much more beneficial. As it stands there wasn't anything in it I didn't already know, but it's good to refresh your thinking from time to time.

[Kirk · Rating 5 out of 5]

WONDERFUL!!!!! This is a MUST READ for everyone!!! Gay, straight, or curious!

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read

Definitely gave a different view of things, I'd recommend this book to anyone who's either recently come out, experiencing troubles in a relationship or wants a relationship as it gives a different perspective

[Julian · Rating 4 out of 5]

educational and practical

A good read, quite informative and useful to use in our lives. Recommend to every gay man in formation of any age.

[Tim]

An excellent book! Kort discusses all the big and small ways we're affected by homophobia and how it can leave parts of our personalities shut down and how to reassert our inner kings, warriors, lovers, and magicians. He also illustrates the main stages of adult relationships, what to expect and how to work through them. He explains that after the first bloom of euhporia wears off there is a power struggle, but if you're willing to work through that and face your own issues then you can fully enjoy an adult romantic relationship. Kort advises that it's in a relationship that we're held accountable and presented with the issues we need to work on and it's relationships that provide the best opportunity to grow as a person. So much for my recent desire to sit on the sidelines.
He also makes the observation that each of us is at the same level of evolution as those we date. As much of a wound this is to my pride I have to agree that, intellectually, it makes sense. No more taking comfort in feeling superior to all those immature ex's. Let's have a big Homer Simpson “D’oh” on that one!

[Edmund Chew · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first time I've read a psychotherapy book.
Utterly amazing. Numerous times i exclaimed, "hey, this book is about me!"
It helped so much, learning about 'Internal homophobia', covert cultural abuse, cognitive behaviour therapy, etc..
Each new realization automatically brought with it changes in life!

[Neil L]

So far I have learned, with the help of my councelor, that I am the one who needs to be readied and when I am (and probably not looking) Mr. Right will come along and 'find' me. The councel is that people find each other when they are not looking.....but probbly ready for it.

[Herman brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

informative.

[Keita Ito · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even if you are already in a relationship there is still information in here to apply.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great points about stages of relationships.