Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits For Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead

by Marcus Warner, Jim Wilder

Revive your leadership. Grow healthy teams. See great results.

Healthy teams begin with healthy leaders, and at the heart of this dynamic is emotional maturity—the quality the greatest leaders possess.

Combining solid theology, cutting-edge brain science, and decades of counseling and consulting experience, Rare Leadership shows you how to take your leadership and team to the next level. It will equip you to:

Cultivate emotional maturity in yourself and others Develop the four habits of R.A.R.E. leaders Promote a strong group identity Keep relationships bigger than problems Increase productivity through trust, joy, and engagement

Whether you are burnt out or just looking to improve, when you prioritize people and lead from a secure identity, you’ll be amazed at the freedom you feel and the results you see. You can lead from a healthy place, respond rather than react, and build the team of your dreams.

If you want to take your organization to the next level, it starts with you. Read Rare Leadership and be equipped to lead joy-filled, emotionally mature, relationally connected teams.

Genres: Leadership, Nonfiction, Christian, Business, Personal Growth, Psychology, Church

235 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 18, 2016

About the author

MARCUS WARNER (M.Div., Th.M. and D.Min. Trinity Evangelical Divinity School) is the president of Deeper Walk International. He is a former pastor and college professor who has written several books on topics ranging from how to study the Bible to spiritual warfare, emotional healing, and leadership. Marcus has done training events for organizations such as Navigators, Willow Creek Prison Ministry, and Moody Church. He has traveled the world with Deeper Walk equipping people on the front lines of ministry with practical tools for dealing with root issues that keep people and ministries stuck and unable to go deeper into what God has for them

Reviews

[Lydia Howe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Why I Choose this Book:

Leadership is an important quality to have, so I thought reading a book about it would be helpful.

What I Thought About this Book:

Unfortunately it wasn't my cup of tea. There were lots of good "nuggets" of wisdom all throughout the book, but sadly the nuggets were interspersed with a lot of information that I had a hard time following.

It was confusing trying to keep everything in order that they were teaching us about our brain and how brains work. There were also times when it felt like they were using their own "inside language" like when people who grew up in church have conversations with Biblical lingo that make outsiders go "What?" Yes, the book did give definitions and explanations, but there were so many of them that they got confusing.

Overall I *did* learn stuff, and it was intriguing to learn how the brain works. I appreciated how they used the Bible to back up what they were saying, and constantly returned to that authority. The biggest take away I got from the book is how easy it is to fall into the trap of motivating people by fear when in reality it should be joy that's our motivator. (Which makes sense when you think about verses like "The joy of the Lord is our strength."

Conclusion:

I'm not even sure how much I did or didn't agree with this book, because I was confused for about half of it. Considering that 80 % of the reviews on Amazon are five-star reviews, I'm going to guess that most people really liked this book, so there's a good chance y'all will, too.

Rating:

I'm giving Rare Leadership 3 stars out of 5, and 5 stars out of 10.

*I received this book free from Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review*

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me express several things up front:
1 - the authors have crafted a solid book on leadership that is, generally, easy to read.
2 - the authors have a Christian perspective and use that to craft their human psychology of leadership.
3 - the authors use a significant amount of analogy and metaphor to craft a "language of their own" for the reader to use and understand their leadership narrative.

I have no real problem with any of this. Indeed, I'm in total agreement of their meta-perspective on what makes good leadership and how a superior leader is one who develops joy both within self and within the group they lead. And while the church is frequently the focus of their attention, they are clear their perspective and tools will work well in any organization.

Warner and Wilder use the word "joy" liberally to describe what makes both a psychologically healthy and resilient person. Add in maturity and a form of relationship savvy, one should have a superlative leader. Virtually every aspect of what they promote as elements of a healthy (and spiritually centered) leader is right on target. I've been thought a number of "leadership training" experiences - both as an educator and clergy - and feel what they promote is solid. Far too many programs are formulaic as outcome based (as they note) - it's about getting the "right" answer to a problem than having a happy community. These authors focus on helping the individual become a psychologically healthy soul and practice excellent relationship (and some counseling) skills to produce a vibrant community. Indeed, much of what they promote are things I have both used and found a spot on philosophy/theology in my work, all be it by other terms and phrases.

In current American Christianity, there are, broadly, two philosophical/theological dynamics at work in pastoral/leadership materials. The first refers itself as "Bible Based" (a bit of a misnomer). This perspective says a good leader can find an answer to any problem through scripture. A good leader will analyze the problem, look to the Bible for an answer and use that to say "this is how to resolve the problem." It's most frequently used in fundamentalist/Calvinist settings by the head of the organization.

The second is based on what, years ago, was termed "systems theory." Simply, if a leader has a clear self-definition and is not threated by questions, answers emerge from quality relationship. Simply, if a leader will affirm others, there's plenty of skill, talent and discernment in a group to discover "God's answer" to the issue. Here the leader is rarely autocratic or focused on problem-solving. The leader is about keeping relationships healthy more than having a focus on a problem. Let me underscore, this is an overgeneralization but it makes the point. Obviously, Warner and Wilder are from the second perspective.

Where I felt the book bogged down was in their focus on brain chemistry. While their end result is fine, the use of "this is how God created humans" was a bit too certain for the more academic or social science reader. The concepts were OK, but didn't do much for me.

If you want to know their point in a single sentence try this: any person who recognizes they are beloved by God, can find joy in life, works at developing maturity and great people skills - is likely to be a solid leader in any situation.

[Adam Callis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great principles for self-care in leadership. The R.A.R.E. acronym is the most helpful element of the book: Remain Relational (Don't let problems get bigger than relationships), Act Like Yourself (if you're trying to be someone you're not, you'll burn out), Return to Joy ("leadership travels at the speed of joy), and Endure Hardship Well (leaders know how to endure suffering).

Some good quotes:

"Leaders can often get things done and produce results but upset people along the way and burn relationships."

"Appreciation attracts, resentment repels."

"At the end of the day, don't ask if you did it all. Ask if what you did do was more important than what you didn't do."

The authors also refer to the Hebrew word "chesed" as "sticky love," which is a great image.

[Kathleen Moy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent leadership book: relatable and challenging, memorable and practical, thought-provoking and helpful. The authors condense what could be an innumerable list of leadership admonitions (21 irrefutable Laws of Leadership comes to mind, even though I consider that also an excellent resource) into 4 simplified imperatives, all underneath the umbrella of emotional maturity. This book and the directives within could be especially valuable in the days ahead if our society's trajectory continues towards relational isolation. I would highly recommend!

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Warner and Wilder rightly identify the main issues with leadership today and have created a fantastic paradigm (RARE) on how to approach these problems while keeping relationships front and center. One of my biggest critiques is the use of their other resources without specifying how they integrate or work together (kind of like an ad).

If implemented I can really see this book changing the way I lead my team and family for the better!

[Caleb Hunter · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t disagree with most of this book but I also didn’t find it to be the most clear and helpful leadership book that I have ever read. Leader do need to be honest, they do need to find a place of joy and do need to find healthy emotional maturity but so does everyone in life, leader or not.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most unique, important, and eye-opening leadership books I have ever read. A must, an absolute must read. I plan on rereading it.

[Natalie Nolt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book captured the heart of the leader I’ve been trying to be. The principles, Scripture references, and anecdotals made for clear and convincing arguments. The fast-track vs. slow-track of the brain might be better as a clear chapter instead of interspersed throughout.

To be a “R.A.R.E. leader,” you must Remain relational, Act like yourself, Return to joy, and Endure hardship well.

[C.J. Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books that speaks to your mind and spirit at the same time. With a unique combination of Brian Science, experience, life theories all springing from and backed up by biblical truth.

There are things I'll never forget from this book lie returning to joy, remaining relational and being who we really are in Christ in the face of difficult circumstances or people.

It is so true that we need to train ourselves to live on the faster relational path as leaders rather than slower task oriented track which leans towards management at the expense of relationships, joy and our own identity.

This is a useful book for those in business, ministry and and beyond that for anyone who has any relationships... which is everyone.

RARE Leadership is excellent!

[Sarah Jensen]

Book Review: Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead

Authors: Marcus Warner, Jim Wilder
Publisher: Rare Leadership, 2021
ISBN: 978-1733658000

In “Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead,” authors Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder present a transformative framework for leadership that centers on cultivating an environment of trust, joy, and engagement within teams. Drawing from insights in neuroscience, psychology, and leadership theory, the book challenges conventional leadership practices and introduces four key habits that can help leaders connect more deeply with their teams.

The authors begin by addressing a fundamental issue in modern leadership: the pervasive lack of trust and engagement in organizational settings. They argue that many leaders inadvertently create environments that hinder collaboration and creativity, ultimately leading to disengagement among team members. By focusing on the emotional and relational aspects of leadership, Warner and Wilder make a compelling case for a more holistic approach that prioritizes the well-being and emotional health of individuals within organizations.

The four uncommon habits outlined in the book—being fully present, creating a safe environment, practicing joy, and fostering hope—serve as the cornerstone of Warner and Wilder’s leadership model. Each habit is discussed in depth, supported by research and practical examples that illustrate their impact on team dynamics. For instance, the authors emphasize that being fully present as a leader helps to build a culture of trust, as it demonstrates genuine care and attentiveness to team members’ concerns and contributions.

Furthermore, the authors provide actionable strategies for implementing these habits in daily leadership practices. They share insights on how leaders can encourage open communication, facilitate meaningful connections among team members, and celebrate successes, thereby enhancing overall engagement and morale. Through engaging narratives and relatable anecdotes, Warner and Wilder make the content accessible, ensuring that readers can easily translate the concepts into their own leadership environments.

One of the book’s notable strengths is its grounding in neuroscience and its application to leadership. The authors explain how understanding brain function can inform better leadership practices, particularly in fostering emotional resilience and adaptability within teams. By intertwining scientific principles with practical leadership advice, Warner and Wilder effectively bridge the gap between theory and practice, providing a comprehensive toolkit for leaders seeking to improve their effectiveness.

However, while “Rare Leadership” is rich with valuable insights, some readers may feel that the emphasis on emotional intelligence and relational dynamics could benefit from a deeper exploration of the challenges leaders face in implementing these habits amidst organizational resistance or entrenched corporate cultures. A more nuanced discussion of potential barriers and strategies to overcome them would enhance the book’s applicability across diverse contexts.

In conclusion, “Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead” is an insightful and practical guide for leaders looking to foster a trusting and engaged workplace culture. Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder’s emphasis on the psychological and emotional dimensions of leadership offers a refreshing perspective, one that is increasingly relevant in today’s fast-paced and often fragmented organizational landscapes. This book is essential reading for leaders at all levels who aspire to create meaningful connections with their teams and cultivate a more positive and productive work environment. Through its blend of research, practical advice, and engaging narratives, “Rare Leadership” stands as a crucial resource for those committed to leading with intention and authenticity.

[Robby Grabow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting leadership read that centers around leadership principles described in the RARE acronym.

Remain Relational - keeping relationships bigger than the problem to solve

Act Like Yourself - consistency of character anchored in a positive core identity that lets people know that whatever emotions faced, the leader still knows how to act like themselves. As yourself "How do I remain relational and act like myself in spite of the problem I am facing and the pain that I feel."

Return to Joy - moving away from emotions such as shame, anger, fear, despair and recover quickly while leading their teams back to a state of joy.

Endure Hardship Well - developing additional capacity to endure hardship measured by levels: infant, child, adult, parent, and elder.

The authors then focus on the contrast of the fast track and slow track systems in the brain. Slow track is identified with the left side of the brain and governs things like problem solving, long term planning, optimization, and strategy. The Fast track is relational and is where identity, care for others, conscience, values, focus, motivation and emotional contrail are derived.

Leaders influence more on who they are then what they do.

Leadership travels at the speed of joy. Leadership that neglects joy rapidly becomes management rather than leadership.

Once fear is the dominant motivator - nearly everything in life is a problem to be solved.

Management must serve mission and the mission is maturity. Persons cannot be managed into maturity.

Example of the super chicken experiment where the chickens who laid the most eggs were put together and the rest were put in the separate group. What they found was the high performing group were actually predators and the other chickens flourished without them while the predators all pecked one another to the point of depressing their output.

Practice doesn't make perfect - practice makes permanent. Therefore be intentional about what you practice.

[Brandon H. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Too often leaders are chosen simply on gifting, education, and experience. We give lip service to the idea of maturity, but do we really know how to assess maturity? More to the point, do we have a clear strategy for helping people grow maturity? Giving them good information and holding them accountable for their choices is not enough. There is so much more that needs to be woven into the fabric of Christian organizations." - Marcus Warner

I've been reading books lately that have been authored or based on psychologist/theologian Jim Wilder's theories and contributions on the subject of the brain and how it affects relationships in the various areas of life. I'm really enjoying these new ideas, (new to me), and am implementing them in my life and relationships.

This book, based on Wilder's theories, focuses on leadership written by Marcus Warner. Many leaders focus on results while ignoring the culture of the organization they lead. This book addresses the importance of that overlooked area.

Highly recommend!

"Burnout is typical of organizations led by results-oriented, problem-solving leaders. These leaders have a well-trained management brain, but often lack a well-trained relational brain. If the master system is untrained or misfiring, the successful leader will drive herself and her group toward anxiety, anger, depression, and burnout. In the end, this results - focused leader will produce a structure that is likely to come to a grinding halt or a spectacular crash."(33)

[Elisha Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I wasn't a big fan of this book at the start. I felt like it read like your typical leadership book on how the specific steps you need to take to be a great leader with opportunities to learn from incredible coaches who just so happen to be the authors of this book. I'm always put off by that vibe because it feels canned more like a marketing pitch than a true hypothesis for human flourishing. However, I was pleasantly surprised by some of the foundational principles in the book. The four uncommon habits were remain relational, act like yourself, return to joy and endure hardship. I found these to be life-giving ideas. I consider myself to be pretty relational and centered on people, yet reading this I was convicted by my motivation which is so often fear or anger rather than joy. This is a counter cultural idea and one I want to experience--being motivated by a pursuit of joy. I have been putting into practice meditating for 5 minutes on things that bring me joy (basically same City Church concept as a gratitude journal) and that's been helpful. I need this in my parenting and in my leadership.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Some really helpful frameworks for relational maturity and communication. Applying insights from IPNB to leadership is an important discussion that is far too neglected in professional spaces. Will definitely be drawing tools from this book both in the workplace and in relationships.

Ex:
- fast track (identity, group identity, instinct) vs slow track (logic, cognition) thinking
- RARE: remain relational, act like yourself, return to joy, endure hardship/discomfort/suffering

I felt the stories in the book weren’t always helpful. They reinforced the sense that the book was written for white Christian men in leadership positions, which is fine for an audience in and of itself, but not when that audience is implied as a result of writing on “leadership.” As a result, there was little to no conversation about gender dynamics in the workplace, and very few of the stories were actually by or about women.

[Dennis Podryadchikov · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that looks at leadership from the right brain perspective. Using their research in the area of psychology, Wilder and Warner have come up with so-called "fast track". They use it to teach leaders how to return to joy from any negative situations and emotions. One of the promised results is persevering through suffering, which so many works on leadership ignore and avoid. Regular references to the other works of the authors leave the reader unsure about the nature of the book - whether it is an advertising work or a work with decent content. Leaving out these references, this book makes an excellent guide in returning to joy and developing leadership that is not run down with constant business. Every aspiring and existing leader would benefit from reading the book, going through its exercises, and implementing its ideas.

[Janka H. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. While obviously written with good intentions and containing many little gems of wisdom - I find the approach being too much "Christian science-y" (as a figure of speach) for my liking.
The psychological knowledge sure is interesting, yet in the core of Christianity there is a living relationship with Christ - and this loving relationship with God should be accented much more than the fast-track habits for example. While I understand that this should be some guide for Christian leaders (who then should know God and be intentional with the relationship with HIm), yet I still think that any leader (or any Christian) should deepen his relationship with God at the very first place to be able to evolve and mature. I am missing this approach and this humility here.

[Mark Peterkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book:

Rare stands for:
R - Stay relational in conflict - keep the relationship bigger than the problem.
A - Act like yourself.
R - stands for return to Joy. Perhaps the single biggest factor for producing sustainable motivation is the leaders ability to return to joy from a variety of negative emotions.
E - stands for endure hardship well. Leaders her learn to suffer well are truly rare most of us are doing everything we can to avoid suffering our capacity to handle hardship can be thought of as an infant child adult parent elderly level of maturity.

The authors of the book also talk about these ways in which your mind works - they talk about a fast track and a management track.

Quite a bit of overlap with Emotional Intelligence.


Interesting quotes:
Leaders influence more by who that are than by what they do.

[Seth Channell · Rating 1 out of 5]

First off, I agree with the authors' point on the importance of increasing trust, joy, and engagement in the people you lead. Also, while I already thought "emotional maturity" and being "relational" were important for effective leadership, the authors convinced me even more on how important it is to the health of a team. For this I greatly appreciate their work!
My main issue was with the labels they use to describe behavior. The book definitely leans more toward psychological explanation for poor leadership, rather than addressing the sin at the root of spiritual immaturity. This was a huge disappoint for me.

[Melisa Blankenship · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of leadership books in the last five years and they all start to sound similar. There were definitely familiar themes, but in this book they address EQ on par with other leadership practices. The book is written from a Christian perspective. They don't shy away from addressing the need for growth in everyone, the strength in vulnerable leaders, and the need for therapy and mentoring in the broken areas of our lives. The book was written with grace and appropriate illustrations. There are simple assessments in the appendix so the reader can have a starting point on where they might need some work. This book is not just rehashing all the other leadership books.

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

RARE -
-Remain relational
-Act like yourself
-Return to joy
-Endure Hardships well
I appreciate the emphasis that Warner and Wilder place on the relational part of leadership. It is uncommon to have emphasis on this side of leadership. I immediately began to use the concepts in some difficult meetings I was leading and could see the positive response from my team.

I found the acrostic awkward because of the excess so I chose to rework the acrostic to make is more concise for my mind:
RARE Leadership is:
-Relational
-Authentic
-Resilient
-Enduring

[Jola Van Dijk · Rating 1 out of 5]

No, I definitely cannot recommend this book.

It not only has a very thick layer of christianity over everything, it also doesn't have a clear message.

I think their message is that it is important to return to joy, stay relational and be emotionally mature in difficult situations. They tell you that is important in all kinds of ways, but not how. They give you assessment questions, but not the meaning of your answers. And they talk about grey and white brainmatter and different brain functions without a scientific basis.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took me a while to get through but I’m glad I didn’t rush it. So many leadership books end up about management. Management of yourself, your emotions, results, people. This leadership book helps you consider the right side of your brain, God’s relational joy with you, and how to remain relational with God and others during all sorts of situations. The habits this book teaches not only helps with leadership but simply growing in emotional maturity as a believer, which the world greatly needs now. I’m going to re read this book often!

[Brad Dell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is five stars for me, but I’d rate it four because I can see why others would feel confused by much of its neuro explanations. This is written to be used for all leaders but I think I only understood it because I’ve read some of Jim Wilder’s other books and so found his language familiar. I left this book having a firmer understanding of what I must grow in as a leader, and the practical exercises give me the path. I love how unique the advice and objectives are compared to all other leadership books I’ve read, and I wish all leaders would find the same value in leading through joy!

[Tim Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated both these authors reminding us what leadership is about. We are called to be relational with our coworkers/peer group. In other words, it's more than the bottom line or getting the project done. it's also a call to just be yourself. Remember to create joy in the space you find yourself because the world offers enough downers. And finally, learn to work through hardship by aligning yourself with a Christ-like spirit. Good, solid teaching.

[Juanita · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give this book 3.5 stars. This was a great book about Emotional Intelligence. It really seems to be a bit of a buzz word at the moment and this book really explained what is behind it. In the first half of the book I really did not get what point some of the stories were trying to make I did not find the link very clear. However there was so much good in this book and such a different way of looking at leadership that resonated with me.

[Bethany R · Rating 2 out of 5]

5 stars for the concept of this book, that relationships and emotional maturity are important for effective leadership. But I was disappointed with the execution - the elevation of leadership and degradation of management, the lack of emotional depth in a book (ironically) about emotional maturity, and just finding it confusing and hard to follow. Some good nuggets interspersed, but difficult to remember with a poor structure to the book.

[Michel Hendricks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of books on leadership. Most seemed like common sense, and many I found boring. This book goes in a direction that surprised me. The author focuses on emotional maturity and what that looks like in a leader and how to become a that kind of a leader. It has specific exercises and explains how the human brain works. It's the best book I have read on leadership.

[Mandi Ehman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the content in this book is solid, and I wholeheartedly agree with each of these four habits. But there was so much terminology (just for the sake of terminology) and what felt like salesmanship ("learn more about this in our workshops") that I had trouble following the ideas and had to keep referring back to an executive summary to make sure I was tracking with the ideas.

[EagleRose · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was told to read this book first. I wish I had been told to read Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You first. I need to re-read this one now. I just would have understood what he was teaching far better if I had read the other first. Now that I have read both I can say there is a lot of valuable information for anyone in any type of leadership position.

[Alison Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best leadership books I have ever read. The authors discuss how our brain chemistry lends itself to the slow-track mind and the fast track-mind, and how to use both well in leading. The main point of the book is how to use tools to cultivate joy-driven leadership, which in the end, creates a joy-driven culture. I highly recommend this book to anyone in any type of leadership position.