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Aches, Pains, and Love: A Guide to Dating and Relationships for Those With Chronic Pain and Illness
Are you living with chronic pain or illness, or both? Have you given up on having an intimate, romantic relationship? Living with such conditions can feel overwhelming, never mind adding intimacy into the mix. Surprisingly, very little has been published on dating and relationships for people with chronic pain and illness. Aches, Pains, and Love addresses that need with wisdom, compassion, and humour.
This book is about hope. You can have lasting love and companionship in an intimate relationship when you live with chronic pain and illness. Both entertaining and practical, Aches, Pains, and Love provides a step-by-step guide to getting the love you want, regardless of your physical condition. Kira Lynne offers a host of real-life stories, frank practical observations, and specific tools that will help you decide what you really desire in a loving relationship and guide you towards achieving that happiness.
This book is about hope. You can have lasting love and companionship in an intimate relationship when you live with chronic pain and illness. Both entertaining and practical, Aches, Pains, and Love provides a step-by-step guide to getting the love you want, regardless of your physical condition. Kira Lynne offers a host of real-life stories, frank practical observations, and specific tools that will help you decide what you really desire in a loving relationship and guide you towards achieving that happiness.
388 pages, Paperback
Published February 1, 2016
11 people are currently reading
463 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
March 9, 2016
I received this from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. As someone who suffers from chronic pain, I have to say that this book was so helpful in reading. I have suffered a long time and back when I first got sick I wish there would have been a book like this that could have helped me understand that what I was going through was not out of the ordinary. Although I have already gone through everything that was outlined in this book and found my own ways to deal with it, I think that the book was spectacular for someone who has been newly diagnosed. I really believe that this will help people navigate a really serious chronic health issue and how to work on relationships and yourself in the process. I could identify with almost every single thing the author described and things that she went through I too endured. This is such a great resource and I hope that more people with chronic pain seek out this book as it will help them throughout their road to a better future.
March 25, 2016
Aches, Pains and Love is a captivating read. I admire Kira for her courage for opening up by sharing her honest and raw experiences with her readers – that demonstrates the power of vulnerability!
I appreciate her step-by-step approach, which makes it easier for readers to follow and convert Kira’s personal stories into actionable steps. For me this book is not only about aches, pain and dating, it is also about hope, self-love and compassion.
I recommend this to anyone who is interested in self-growth and love regardless of their physical condition.
I appreciate her step-by-step approach, which makes it easier for readers to follow and convert Kira’s personal stories into actionable steps. For me this book is not only about aches, pain and dating, it is also about hope, self-love and compassion.
I recommend this to anyone who is interested in self-growth and love regardless of their physical condition.
June 24, 2016
First of all, I would just like to say that I loved the cover of this book! I'm a huge fan of simple designs and this one was great. The Band-Aid heart was just icing on the cake! I also loved that Kira had the book printed on sturdy, white pages. The only thing that could have made the physical book better would be glossy pages, and that's just me being over the top :)
Kira's did a great job writing a well organized and well researched book. It was organized into three parts, which included multiple chapters. Each chapter included an introduction and conclusion as well as three other sections: my story, let's discuss, and take action. In these sections she provided relatable stories, great references, and doable exercises.
There were only two things that I didn't like about this book's organization, one of which was the repetition. I don't necessarily think that's a problem though. She believes in her message and she repeats it again and again to get the point across. She does a great job at providing helpful explanations and quotes in the "Let's Discuss" section and then summarizes those points while adding exercises in the "Take action" section.
The second thing that I wasn't keen on was the length of each chapter. I personally like to end a reading session at the end of a chapter, but I found that very hard to do with this book. It also lead to me taking longer than usual to read the book because I was reluctant to start the next chapter knowing how long it was. However, I do understand why each chapter was so long. Kira included a lot of helpful information for her target audience and I can't image taking any of it out. She also added bullets and subheading to help separate some of the text. They aided as a stopping point just like punctuation does in a sentence, I found them very useful.
I also found Aches, Pains, and Love to be very relatable. I knew that it would be, as I have chronic illnesses, but Kira and I actually have a lot more similarities too. We both have a-type personality's and we have had to deal with a lot in our pasts. We also go to mint chocolate chip ice cream as our comfort food and we each keep journals. Until reading her book, I hadn't considered keeping a gratitude journal or a symptom journal. I keep an accomplishment journal to remind myself of all of the things I was able to do each day and to motivate myself to continue moving forward. I think I will also be starting a symptom journal based on the same journal she shared with us.
Originally, I though that a majority of this book wouldn't apply to me as I am a married woman. But I was dead wrong! For one, it feels great reading about someone else going through the same things that I have. It's nice knowing that I'm not going through them alone and I'm not the only one dealing with these problems. I also love that so much of it can help the relationship I'm already in. I'm happy that I read the entire book, instead of just what I thought would apply to me, because there is some great advice and even better tips in there!
I also liked that she takes the time to remind readers how special they are throughout the book. It's encouraging and makes dealing with the hard reality of dating with chronic pain or illness easier. I did however, find it difficult to focus at times. I found myself mindlessly reading on after the author asked a question or provided me with an exercise. I began thinking about the answer which then lead to a tornado of unnecessary thoughts. Of course, that might just be brain fog!
Kira does a great job of defining what she will be talking about and explaining her terms. She explains things that many chronic illness sufferers deal with, without overgeneralizing the group as a whole. It also helped that she shared her own story as well. Her own anecdotes were my favorite part of the book. Sure, there's tons of great tips, quotes, and exercises in there, but I'm all about the story.
Some of you might not know, but the author actually lives in British Columbia. Like some authors from a different location, I did notice a few differences in our writing. The first thing that I noticed is that we spell a few words differently such as: coulour, pyjamas, jewellery, and behaviour. I also noticed that Kira does not indent the first paragraph of a new topic. Many people probably wouldn't notice something like that, I didn't even catch it until a few chapters in, but I think it's an interesting style choice. I like to see how each author chooses to show their own uniqueness in their writing.
While this book was written for those with chronic pain and illness, I do not think it is limited to that audience. There was so much information that could be applied to any relationship and even friendships. I don't think that partners of those with chronic illnesses should just read the chapter dedicated to them. In fact, I think they should read the entire book and participate in all of the exercises with their partner.
Overall, I would 100% recommend this book! It was very interesting for me and it really got me thinking, about myself, the relationship I'm in, and about my partner. I really think that this book goes beyond the title, it can be helpful in any relationship or friendship. The only section that I think wouldn't apply to friendships is the talk about sex, but everything else can pretty much apply. I would recommend this book to every single person I know. It's a great read to not only form better relationships and dating experiences, but also to create a great foundation for your mental, physical, and spiritual self.
Kira's did a great job writing a well organized and well researched book. It was organized into three parts, which included multiple chapters. Each chapter included an introduction and conclusion as well as three other sections: my story, let's discuss, and take action. In these sections she provided relatable stories, great references, and doable exercises.
There were only two things that I didn't like about this book's organization, one of which was the repetition. I don't necessarily think that's a problem though. She believes in her message and she repeats it again and again to get the point across. She does a great job at providing helpful explanations and quotes in the "Let's Discuss" section and then summarizes those points while adding exercises in the "Take action" section.
The second thing that I wasn't keen on was the length of each chapter. I personally like to end a reading session at the end of a chapter, but I found that very hard to do with this book. It also lead to me taking longer than usual to read the book because I was reluctant to start the next chapter knowing how long it was. However, I do understand why each chapter was so long. Kira included a lot of helpful information for her target audience and I can't image taking any of it out. She also added bullets and subheading to help separate some of the text. They aided as a stopping point just like punctuation does in a sentence, I found them very useful.
I also found Aches, Pains, and Love to be very relatable. I knew that it would be, as I have chronic illnesses, but Kira and I actually have a lot more similarities too. We both have a-type personality's and we have had to deal with a lot in our pasts. We also go to mint chocolate chip ice cream as our comfort food and we each keep journals. Until reading her book, I hadn't considered keeping a gratitude journal or a symptom journal. I keep an accomplishment journal to remind myself of all of the things I was able to do each day and to motivate myself to continue moving forward. I think I will also be starting a symptom journal based on the same journal she shared with us.
Originally, I though that a majority of this book wouldn't apply to me as I am a married woman. But I was dead wrong! For one, it feels great reading about someone else going through the same things that I have. It's nice knowing that I'm not going through them alone and I'm not the only one dealing with these problems. I also love that so much of it can help the relationship I'm already in. I'm happy that I read the entire book, instead of just what I thought would apply to me, because there is some great advice and even better tips in there!
I also liked that she takes the time to remind readers how special they are throughout the book. It's encouraging and makes dealing with the hard reality of dating with chronic pain or illness easier. I did however, find it difficult to focus at times. I found myself mindlessly reading on after the author asked a question or provided me with an exercise. I began thinking about the answer which then lead to a tornado of unnecessary thoughts. Of course, that might just be brain fog!
Kira does a great job of defining what she will be talking about and explaining her terms. She explains things that many chronic illness sufferers deal with, without overgeneralizing the group as a whole. It also helped that she shared her own story as well. Her own anecdotes were my favorite part of the book. Sure, there's tons of great tips, quotes, and exercises in there, but I'm all about the story.
Some of you might not know, but the author actually lives in British Columbia. Like some authors from a different location, I did notice a few differences in our writing. The first thing that I noticed is that we spell a few words differently such as: coulour, pyjamas, jewellery, and behaviour. I also noticed that Kira does not indent the first paragraph of a new topic. Many people probably wouldn't notice something like that, I didn't even catch it until a few chapters in, but I think it's an interesting style choice. I like to see how each author chooses to show their own uniqueness in their writing.
While this book was written for those with chronic pain and illness, I do not think it is limited to that audience. There was so much information that could be applied to any relationship and even friendships. I don't think that partners of those with chronic illnesses should just read the chapter dedicated to them. In fact, I think they should read the entire book and participate in all of the exercises with their partner.
Overall, I would 100% recommend this book! It was very interesting for me and it really got me thinking, about myself, the relationship I'm in, and about my partner. I really think that this book goes beyond the title, it can be helpful in any relationship or friendship. The only section that I think wouldn't apply to friendships is the talk about sex, but everything else can pretty much apply. I would recommend this book to every single person I know. It's a great read to not only form better relationships and dating experiences, but also to create a great foundation for your mental, physical, and spiritual self.
September 8, 2016
Dating Advice for the Chronically Ill Set
I was immediately attracted to the subject matter of Kira Lynne’s Aches, Pains, and Love. Suffering from chronic pain and illness does throw a big wrench into dating and intimacy and if you are a sufferer, no doubt this is something you think about quite a bit if you are in the market for love, dating, or just mutually satisfying sex.
How to navigate a relationship in the throes of chronic pain and illness flares is something that all sufferers will need to navigate at one time or another no matter how established or unestablished their intimate relationships are. Learning early on how to care for yourself, set up appropriate boundaries and stick to them as well as love yourself enough to get your relationship wants and needs met are some of the points covered in the book.
Unfortunately, the preachy tone and redundancy of the advice were hard to take and slowed the pace. This book could easily have been half as long and still said everything it needed to say. The book has a strong cathartic-to-the-author feel and perhaps the repetitiveness is due to the author’s passion for her topic due to personal circumstance. This is understandable however I would have rather seen this book as an article, even in multiple parts marketed across a wider demographic for maximum impact. There are exercises however the ineffectiveness of a workbook in a book cannot be overstated. It never seems to translate as intended and only appears as a good idea in theory.
Again, the subject matter is the best part of the book. It is an area that deserves more attention as chronic pain, illness and autoimmunity are far bigger issues today, covering a wider age demographic than ever before.
BRB Rating: Read It (I would suggest skimming to get the highlights if short on time because the overall message is important)
I was immediately attracted to the subject matter of Kira Lynne’s Aches, Pains, and Love. Suffering from chronic pain and illness does throw a big wrench into dating and intimacy and if you are a sufferer, no doubt this is something you think about quite a bit if you are in the market for love, dating, or just mutually satisfying sex.
How to navigate a relationship in the throes of chronic pain and illness flares is something that all sufferers will need to navigate at one time or another no matter how established or unestablished their intimate relationships are. Learning early on how to care for yourself, set up appropriate boundaries and stick to them as well as love yourself enough to get your relationship wants and needs met are some of the points covered in the book.
Unfortunately, the preachy tone and redundancy of the advice were hard to take and slowed the pace. This book could easily have been half as long and still said everything it needed to say. The book has a strong cathartic-to-the-author feel and perhaps the repetitiveness is due to the author’s passion for her topic due to personal circumstance. This is understandable however I would have rather seen this book as an article, even in multiple parts marketed across a wider demographic for maximum impact. There are exercises however the ineffectiveness of a workbook in a book cannot be overstated. It never seems to translate as intended and only appears as a good idea in theory.
Again, the subject matter is the best part of the book. It is an area that deserves more attention as chronic pain, illness and autoimmunity are far bigger issues today, covering a wider age demographic than ever before.
BRB Rating: Read It (I would suggest skimming to get the highlights if short on time because the overall message is important)
July 8, 2016
I did like the book Aches, Pains, and Love. I think the overall tone of the book is great - the author feels like across between a supportive friend (with lots of great information) and a coach to encourage you.
I also like that she focuses on becoming strong in yourself and knowing yourself really well (what you can handle, boundaries etc...) before becoming involved in a relationship.
I also think it's really helpful that she has the "Take Action!" section at the end of each chapter - a helpful reminder that you're not going to get very far if you don't take active participation in the book's recommendations.
I also like that she focuses on becoming strong in yourself and knowing yourself really well (what you can handle, boundaries etc...) before becoming involved in a relationship.
I also think it's really helpful that she has the "Take Action!" section at the end of each chapter - a helpful reminder that you're not going to get very far if you don't take active participation in the book's recommendations.
July 26, 2016
Sometimes in life, we need someone to hold our hands, to walk along with us, be a companion on journeys we never expected to take. The author is that someone. The need to struggle, to push against is a toxic aspect of chronic health problems. Especially invisible ones. The need to see ourselves as worthy even in the midst of a situation that is often unthinkable. This book is life-giving, a deep, full breath after days, weeks or even years of holding one's breath.
The resources mentioned are also invaluable.
The resources mentioned are also invaluable.
Read
February 23, 2016As someone who lives with chronic pain, this book is a great support & encouragement for me. It reminded me that not only do we need to take care of our mental & emotional selves, we also need to take care of us. This book is not a one-time read. I refer to different chapters at different times for reminders. I highly recommend this book. It is an easy read, and a kind, helping hand.
September 28, 2016
Wow!!! As a sufferer of IC and other illnesses I have to say that I feel like I could have written this book myself. It is 100% raw, accurate and authentic. Im still going thru some of the exercises but im so grateful that this book exists. Thank you Kira for taking how I feel and writing it in words so that others can understand.(never been good at expressing how I feel) This book is amazing!
August 22, 2016
I received this book in a Goodreads First Reads giveaway.
This was an interesting read, especially as I do suffer from chronic pain. I do recommend to not only those who have chronic pain, but feel this book could be interesting for others too.
This was an interesting read, especially as I do suffer from chronic pain. I do recommend to not only those who have chronic pain, but feel this book could be interesting for others too.
May 20, 2016
A very well written and useful book. It would be a great read for people who have chronic pain. Personally I think this book is not just for people living with chronic pain. Truly inspirational and very encouraging!
I received a free copy of this book from the Goodreads First Reads program.
I received a free copy of this book from the Goodreads First Reads program.
July 16, 2016
Incredible book. A must-read for anyone who suffers from a chronic condition. Lately I've been feeling really down about my constant pain and have had trouble going to work or doing basic things due to the level of discomfort. This book served as a push in the right direction. Highly recommend.
March 29, 2025
Unfortunately, I simply don’t think I am the target audience for this book. I was hopeful based on a blurb on the back cover “a must-read for anyone living with pain or chronic illness and for those who love them.” I fall into the “those who love them” category. My husband lives with chronic pain due to past injuries from sports and a motorcycle accident. I’ve been looking for books that will help me navigate the challenges that accompany relationships like ours, in which chronic pain plays a role. However, this book is pretty narrowly focused on the authors own experience: women who are dating with chronic illness and the accompanying pain. I also disliked how the author used “he/him” pronouns when talking about the reader’s partner making the assumption that the reader is like herself: a woman dating men. How hard would it have been to use they/them to be more relevant to hetero men. queer women, or nonbinary folks who may be reading the book?
I ended up giving up on the book 2/3 of the way through as it just wasn’t relevant to my situation. My search continues…
I ended up giving up on the book 2/3 of the way through as it just wasn’t relevant to my situation. My search continues…
March 7, 2024
3.5 🌟
This was a nice book full of good tips on navigating relationships with chronic illness, pain, and disability. While a lot of the advice and exercises focus on dating and romantic relationships, I think it can also be applied to platonic relationships with family/friends as well.
There are a few things in the book that I either didn’t completely agree with, didn’t apply to me, or thought could have been explained a bit better, but overall I enjoyed the book and think it’s wonderful that the topic of chronic pain & dating is actually being discussed!
This was a nice book full of good tips on navigating relationships with chronic illness, pain, and disability. While a lot of the advice and exercises focus on dating and romantic relationships, I think it can also be applied to platonic relationships with family/friends as well.
There are a few things in the book that I either didn’t completely agree with, didn’t apply to me, or thought could have been explained a bit better, but overall I enjoyed the book and think it’s wonderful that the topic of chronic pain & dating is actually being discussed!
August 13, 2017
Great read - review to come!
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews