Men were supposed to stick together.
Well, this book was filled with disgusting patriarchy shit. And by the end I had to admit that both leads were idiots.
First, I would like to say Miller isn't a boring author - she is engaging and writes characters who seem lifelike. I want to start out on a positive and I want to assure people that it isn't her writing (as in words-strung-together) that is shit here. It's the content that's shit. As in ideas, concepts, actions.
Let's get to it.
Katie is sent over to Freeman's house to help him while he recovers from a broken femur.
PROBLEM NUMBER ONE: THE PATRIARCHY
Sigh. It's really bad in this book. REALLY bad.
First off, Freeman has some psychological issues stemming from 'being a man' and 'masculinity' and being 'The Boss.' This adds ugliness to an already very ugly patriarchal system.
He's thirty-five, and even though he should be secure in his masculinity: he has a job which he is very good at, he loves animals and rescues them, he takes care of his elder relatives... he has a bug up his butt about people not giving him the respect he deserves.
This is partly a personality problem - I mean he's 35 years old! - but it's also a huge consequence of setting up this kind of strict patriarchal society. He's not a 'man' in the eyes of society until he gets married and produces children. So even though he owns property, has a great job that he excels at, takes care of his shit, and cares for animals... he's not a man. Because he doesn't have a wife and children.
This is a very damaging and fucked-up system. His elderly uncle, for instance, still calls him 'boy.' He's 35. THIRTY-FIVE. And he just has to take it and bristle because in the eyes of the patriarchy he IS a boy until he takes a wife and produces children.
He also has this 'thing' about respect. Like a Rodney Dangerfield thing, except he's not joking.
I don't need to tell you that this is a toxic combination. It's not as if Freeman is 'evil.' But his brainwashing by the patriarchy combined with his insecurity about his masculinity makes him weak. It means he's fragile, sensitive, and has a hair-trigger temper about people who don't treat him as Boss enough.
Not to mention that the patriarchy teaches you to despise women and see them as less valuable than men.
It was Katie's unnatural nature that made her less than what a proper woman should be. She was too quick to question a man's judgment, and too set in her own ways. 65
The main issue of this book is how Katie - his love interest - threatens his fragile masculinity. She tends to voice her own opinion. And if she sees a better way of doing things, she speaks up about it.
To me, this sounds normal. To Freeman, it's an affront to everything he believes in.
Let me be clear: Katie is a hard worker. She works from sunup to sundown without complaint. She cleans house like a champion. She cooks amazing, delicious meals. And she does all of this without a single complaint.
But that's not good enough! She also must be able to do all this AND take direction from Freeman. If he wants her to scrub the floors a certain way (the right way!) or has an opinion on how she should can vegetables, she must obey him.
No matter how many times she and other women bring up the fact that this is 'women's work' and he LITERALLY has no idea what the fuck he is talking about, he considers it 'disrespectful' if she doesn't employ his ideas on how she does housework.
He's a walking, breathing mansplain.
And he feels JUSTIFIED in this because he's been taught since birth that men are in charge, men control everything, women are submissive, it's natural for a woman to be obedient and silent, blah blah blah blah.
And, because this is the patriarchy, women just laugh it off. "Oh, you know how men are!" they say.
Here's Katie:
And she'd found with her father and brothers that small steps worked best with men. You had to make them think ideas were their own. Otherwise, they tended to balk and turn mulish. 47
She can't simply tell Freeman to get dressed and shave. That would be considered 'bossy.' And bossy women are shrews. They will either be beaten or they will die old maids - which in this society means you are basically shit. Being married and being a parent is EVERYTHING.
Instead, she has to cajole, coax and manipulate him into doing basic human actions. And she has to make him think it was his idea, because if he thought he was doing something that was her idea he'd flip his lid. o.O This is honestly so terrifying, not gonna lie.
This just so disgusting.
Here's Freeman's grandmother:
"Men do hate having women show them how to do something easier," Ivy said. "I'm afraid it's born in them. In some ways, I don't believe any of them ever grow up. They're like little boys in grownup clothing." She chuckled. "They never get past the age of wanting a woman to take care of them and clean up after them." 61
What. The Fuck. What a disgusting way to view males. So. In case you think patriarchy hurts only females, let's be clear: the book / this society is LITERALLY saying "Men are children who can't do shit. They can't take care of themselves. They can't clean or cook or be taught to clean or cook. They are like little babies. They throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way - so you'd better not anger them! But they are not smart enough to make their own decisions."
Yet men are in charge of EVERYTHING. Women aren't allowed to lead, preach, be elders in church, make any decisions in the marriage, 'disobey' their husbands wishes, earn money without their husband's permission... but men are also considered basically bad-tempered infants.
This is a completely true interpretation of this kind of belief, and sums up the patriarchy well - the problem is that Miller is holding up and glorifying this kind of toxicity instead of pointing out its flaws.
Of course it's complete bullshit. I refuse to believe men and women can't interact like normal human beings. Just because I am a woman and "John" is a man doesn't mean I can't understand John, empathize with him, or share basic interests with him. We are both human beings. This book - and patriarchy in general - acts like men and women are two alien beings from completely different planets who need special manuals to interact with each other. Which is frankly bullshit.
Sure, it might be difficult to empathize with menstrual cramps if you are a man or understand what childbirth is like, and a woman might be unfamiliar with the humiliation of unwanted erections, etc. etc. but basically human beings are going to have much more in common than not. And creating artificial gender roles and then ruthlessly enforcing them is not doing anyone any favors.
"Men can't cook!! Men can't CLEAN THINGS. Women can't WORK FOR MONEY." It's hard to believe how anyone doesn't see this as damaging. Freeman's grandmother is talking about a man-baby SHE CREATED. She tells Katie "that's just how men are, from birth" but really she TAUGHT her grandson to expect females to cater to his every whim, take care of all his needs, and accept his orders and opinions as law. SHE did that. The society she RAISED him in did that. Men aren't naturally 'child-like' and 'mulish' and unable to take criticism from people who don't wear pants, they are TAUGHT to be this way.
Anyway, that's my main beef with this book. My biggest problem. Instead of challenging his ideas and beliefs about women, Miller has Katie actually begin ASKING Freeman for advice on how to leash herself and curb herself and tamp down her 'opinions' and 'bossy nature.' She wants to be appealing to men, so she has to learn how to be a perfect slave wife. As we've covered before, being good at cooking, cleaning, caring for children, a hard worker who never complains, and beautiful AREN'T ENOUGH. She also has to learn to keep her fucking mouth shut, respect her husband and know her place. He's happy to guide her and teach her how to be better, of course.
MY SECOND PROBLEM: KATIE Even though I liked Katie a lot more than I liked Freeman, I eventually had to admit that she was also a fucking idiot. She tends to lose her temper and make rash decisions. She blows things out of proportion a lot. Compared to Freeman, she's great, but even I have to admit she's got problems when viewed on her own. She makes some choices in this novel that were very cringe-inducing.
I can't see these two having a good marriage. They are NOT complementary towards each other. Actually, they are probably one of the more volatile couples I've seen roped together. And I don't mean volatile in a 'sexual chemistry' way. They are a powder keg and a match. I think the best case scenario is that they will fight and fight and fight and fight. Worst case scenario... I don't even want to go there, but it involves violence.
MENTIONS OF GOD: 33
HOW'S THE SEX, CARMEN?
No sex, this is Christian romance. Some light kissing. Katie initiates a kiss, then apologizes for acting 'inappropriately.' >.< This is so, so sad. It reminds me of Christy Miller - a series that deeply depressed me.
TL;DR A good illustration on how disgusting the patriarchy and how it damages absolutely everyone involved. A match made in hell.
ROMANCE CATEGORIES:
Animal Lovers' Romance - Freeman loves animals and rescues all sorts of strays in this book. Dogs, cats, birds... he adores animals and cares for them.
Contemporary Romance
Inspirational Romance
Virgin Hero Romance
Amish Romance
He's a Miller, She's a... nothing. As dictated by her society, her only job is to be wife/mother/help.