Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Became Parents

by Gary Chapman, Shannon Warden

Dr. Gary Chapman has helped millions prepare for marriage.
Now he helps you prepare for kids. Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Became Parents has one prepare you to raise young children. Dr. Gary Chapman—longtime relationship expert and author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages— teams up with Dr. Shannon Warden—professor of counseling, wife, and mother of three—to give young parents a book that is practical, informed, and enjoyable. Together they share what they wished they had known before having kids. For children affect your time, your money, and your marriage—and that's just the beginning. With warmth and humor they offer practical advice on everything from potty training to scheduling, apologizing to your child, and keeping your marriage strong… all the while celebrating the great joy that children bring. From the "Our desire is to share our own experiences, as well as what we have learned through the years, as we have counseled hundreds of parents. We encourage you to read this book before the baby comes, and then refer to its chapters again as you experience the joys and challenges of rearing children." — Dr. Gary Chapman

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Christian, Family, Self Help, Faith

192 pages, Paperback

Published September 6, 2016

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Maura (thenovelmaura) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a short book, and while the concept and framework was good, I did find myself wishing for a bit more substance. It was definitely a good choice to include Warden in this book to provide examples from a more current perspective, and the perspective of a mother. But the fact that I enjoyed their advice also meant that I wished they would have gone more in depth on some of the topics. This book is intended as more of a reference guide to get you thinking about the decisions you'll make while raising children, and provides talking points that you and your partner can use when making the decisions. You'll need to refer to other materials in order to make an informed decision.

[Lydia Howe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I Choose this Book:

I had several reasons for choosing this book. 1) I like the author. 2) I find it intriguing to find out why people - particularly parents - do the things they do. 3) I figured that since I'm not a parent yet, this would be the perfect time to read the book.

What I Thought about this Book:

My first thoughts were that I should have payed closer attention to the "We" in the title - because I'm fairy certain this book was written mainly for couples who haven't had children yet; not single people who haven't had children yet. Still, I enjoyed reading through the book, and I'm glad I got it.

My second thoughts were that I have been extremely blessed to grow up around a bunch of younger siblings, nieces, nephews, and cousins. This book contained a lot of helpful information, but in reality I knew basically all of it. (Hopefully that doesn't sound stuck up, because that's not what I mean at all!) When I finished the book I realized there were probably only a couple of sentences that contained information that was new to me. Therefore, the book wasn't extremely interesting to read. But! I can only imagine how helpful and interesting and enlightening it would be for people who haven't been surrounded by children all of their lives.

The book goes through important things like how having children changes your entire life, how children are expensive, unique, need boundaries, are influenced by their parents, etc... The book also talks about how important it is to help your children grow emotionally, socially, and mentally. Overall the book is very practical and easy to read.

Conclusion:

I would recommend this book to couples who are wanting to have children, and yet haven't spent a lot of time around kids. I have a feeling it would be very enlightening for them.

Rating:

I’m giving Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Became Parents 4 out of 5 stars, and 7 out of 10.

*I received this book from Moody Press

[Inna Anisimova · Rating 2 out of 5]

Якби ж я знала як мало цікавого чи корисного у цій книзі - то не відкривала б її, це якщо коротко. Загалом, дуже мало про батьківство тут. Купа непотрібної інформації: навіщо мені знати що жінка автора три роки не купувала собі взуття? Як це допомогло стати кращою мамою їй? Чи мені? Дуже багато нудних ідей та думок. По суті корисного лише: 5 мов любові і 5 мов вибачення. І то думаю, автор точно це не сам придумав

[Tere Campos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Está padre que ayuda a discutir con tu pareja, reflexionar y compartir sobre varias cuestiones, de la crianza personal específicamente, pero también de otros temas relevantes.

Leer los títulos de los capítulos es una buena síntesis aunque también parecen enunciados obvios, es el desenvolvimiento del tema el que enriquece la afirmación. Las preguntas al final de cada capítulo son un gran ejercicio de autoconocimiento y conocimiento de tu pareja.

Disfruté en especial los capítulos Me hubiera gustado saber que:
Los niños necesitan límites
La salud emocional de los hijos es tan importante como la salud física
Nuestros hijos son grandemente influenciados por nuestro ejemplo
Las habilidades sociales son tan importantes como las habilidades académicas

Es un libro que podría resultar más interesante para quienes ya son padres pues es más fácil que proyectes tu vida.

Y de hecho, el libro no es de lectura única, es para retomarlo de vez en cuando.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, while I didn't find anything in this book surprising (I had five younger siblings and I've always been around kids/families even in my single adult years), it was still a good reminder.

I think this is a great starting point for a lot of people. It's an honest and practical look at some things you should know before becoming a parent while still remaining positive about kids.

[Darnell]

Simpler than I had expected, but that is also useful research. No rating because I'm not really the target audience here.

[Kyle Cody · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great one to finish on the first day of the year!

[Anabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book about setting realistic expectations for raising children…. It won’t go as planned but these walk through strategies to help you manage and navigate the challenges of raising kids. :)

[Hanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

2,5 stjärnor.

Hela premissen utgår från att man "måste" jobba helt otroligt mycket på sig själv innan man får barn. Det är inget han säger, men det är det han menar. Dessutom säger han gång på gång att han inte själv hade allt det här på koll. Tipsen i boken är väl bra och välmenande, men ibland blir det lite för amerikanskt.

[Emily Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like Gary Chapman, so I was interested in reading this. Overall, it was easy to digest and a quick read. Some stuff felt relevant to think about before becoming parents, others felt too far away to even think about (specifically rules/boundaries for teenagers). Only thing that drove me crazy was the phrase “rearing children” used 10x times every single chapter.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a truly wonderful and informative book! When it comes to the decision to have a child, as the book states, "Theory and reality are different things". You can read all the books but it comes down to the way you choose to parent, easier said than done! Several topics such as: changing of life's schedule, financial changes, differences in personalities/temperament/ health/milestones of the child, potty training, establishing boundaries, emotional/physical health well being, how modeling of behavior affects child, the art of forgiveness and apologizing, social/ empathetic skills, education, creating positive communities and much more are covered in this handy parenting manual. I enjoyed that the authors took it a step further by including "Talking it Over Tips", a series of questions and statements that are important conversation pieces given along with each chapter. The text had a nice blend of mild personal stories and anecdotes along with psychological theories which gave it a well rounded tone. This is not only a wonderful book for expecting parent but I would say for ANYONE that interacts with children! There is a lot of room for critical thinking and self awareness with this text.
*I received an ARC via NetGalley & Moody Publishers/ Northfield Publishing in exchange for an honest review.

[samborska · Rating 3 out of 5]

Вчора дочитала цю книжку, і що я можу про неї сказати, якщо вас, як і мене привабить назва цієї книжки, не ведіться на неї. Це вода водна.

Теми, які підіймає автор з піваторкою настільки банальні і зрозуміли, що до них не те, що можна дійти самостійно, а це перше про що ти думаєш, коли плануєш заводити дитини:

• як зміниться наш побут?
• як вплине народження дитини на мої стосунки з партнером?
• народження дитини – це додаткове фінансове навантаження.
• батьки приклад для своїх дітей, процес навчання через побутові речі відбувається щоденно.
• позитивний настрій дуже впливає на загальний настрій у батьківстві.

Це основні тези з цієї 160-сторінкової книжки, мені здається, це була б непогана стаття про зміни, з якими зіткнуться батьки, але писати про це книжку, нууу… тільки заради ґрошей і заробітку.

І забула додати, що Ґері Чемпен в цій книжці постійну рекламує інші свої книжки такі, як 5 мов кохання, управління гнівом і щось ще було, але я вже не памʼятаю.

З великим натягом ставлю 3⭐️ із 5, просто через те, що це дало структуровані питанні, але які ми і так вже хаотично обговорювали.

Ніяких практичних порад тут немає, тому якщо вас, як і мене цікавить конкретні приклади і настанови, що, коли і як? То ця книжка не для вас.

[Ivelice de Rodríguez · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐3.5

Este libro sin duda es un manual de consulta en otros momentos porque al hablar de niños es crecer con ellos.

Que bueno que el Dr. Chapman nos dejo aquellas cosas que debemos saber en la misión de crianza de manera sencilla y práctica.

[Martin Manchego · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't have children and for now, we are not waiting yet, but we continue to pray.
I read this book with the hope of being able to help the parents of my congregation in raising their children with some experiences. Gary Chapman is like a super-experienced grandfather teaching us the practicalities of parenting. This book is not focused on the theology of parenting but on the practical. Topics such as the financial cost of having children, how to potty train a child, techniques to help parents guide their children, as a team, in a life of obedience while understanding parental authority, and that their decisions have positive and negative consequences. I loved chapter 5, especially when Chapman explains what are good rules for adults to establish rules for the children. In this book, you can see the compassionate, wise, and experienced heart of the author. This book encourages parents to live a life consistent with their beliefs and healthy boundaries, exemplifying what it means to "behave well". This book will encourage you to be brave, consistent, empathetic, honest, and lovely, with your kids.

[Erica Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book after having my little girl (5 months old now). This book offers two people's views on raising children with love, empathy, and kindness. I can only imagine that raising children in today's world, with social media, cell phones, and the like, will not be an easy task. This guide highlights several topics in raising children such as - the importance of apologizing (both children and parents to each other), importance of not putting your marriage on autopilot, the importance of disciplining children in a loving manner, and the importance of parents' involvement in their child's education. There was a little self-promotion to another book of theirs (5 love languages) that I don't care to see in books, but it was not excessive. The end of each chapter offers questions to discuss with your spouse to help both prepare to raise/discipline/educate their child in a loving and consistent manner. It is a quick read and, as a parent, it gets you thinking ahead about issues of real concern in parenting.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of great, simple, and useful information in this book. Was written primarily for first time parents -- and to be read BEFORE having kids -- but I read this about 2 years in to having one child, with another on the way. In some ways, I found it to be more beneficial reading it when I did, since I now have some perspective of what it's like to be a parent and can better relate to many of the anecdotal stores. Either way, I think it's a worthy read for all new parents and while there's nothing earth shattering or revolutionary that is presented, it is nice to be reminded that your struggles in raising your child are not unique and that yes, raising children is hard but the payoff is life changing and amazing. By the way, Gary Chapman is the same guy who wrote "The Five Love Languages" and so incorporates much of that research into this book.

[Becca Rae · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I won this book from a giveaway for an honest review*

So let me first start by saying I am not a parent, so this was actually a "know before becoming a parent" book. I think it was a good read with a lot of good insights. My only complaint about the book was that at several points I wasn't sure which author was speaking. The book was a collaboration between Gary Chapman and Shannon Warden. Gary Chapman has already raised his children and is already into grandparenthood. Shannon is still a mother of young children. In most places it wasn't clear which person was writing and then mid-thought it would switch to the other. For me, I would read a section differently based on it being written by 1) man or woman and 2) fully experienced or currently going through. The book still received 4 stars because of all the good insight, but I wish it was organized a little smoother.

[Rebekah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book (especially the first half!). It was a light read with comical stories and illustrations, as well as helpful things to think about as we prepare to become parents. I especially liked the discussion questions at the end of each chapter - they were a great springboard to some interesting conversations with my husband. I definitely don't agree with everything in this book - such as the author saying he would rather put up with bad preaching in order to send his children to a good preschool instead (to me, that's mixed up priorities!). There were a few other things I didn't agree with that I just shrugged off - I don't expect to agree with everything in a book! Overall, it was still a helpful and enlightening book that got me thinking about some unique aspects of parenting.

[Kathleen Kelleher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Got this book as a gift-it is something I never would have bought for myself so I appreciate getting out of my comfort zone. There are definitely some important questions and topics to discuss prior to having children. I loved the questions at the back of each chapter and being promoted to think about my own childhood/parenthood goals. The one thing that bothers me is it’s has a very traditional view on marriage and raising a family. The author is a man( not a mom) and father’s have different perspectives than mothers. The father had to “adjust” his schedule but never had to give up his career or professional identity out of parenthood. It’s wonderful if women choose this path but many women do not and it would be nice if the book was a bit more open to non-traditional paths/family units.

[Ben Hurn · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title is very misleading. I thought it was a book about parents deciding if they want to become parents or not, but it's just a book of parenting advice. It was fine. The advice is good, but I couldn't give it 4 stars because it was just a bunch of random parenting advice, and most of it is basic parenting advice. The world is FULL of parenting advice - I was hoping it would be an insightful book into what it's actualy like being a parent. It should instead be called "Random advice on parenting that I wish I'd known for a young parent". If you have already read some books on parenting, or you are over 30, perhaps find a better suited book.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I already have three kids, this book was surprisingly helpful. Chapman has a very wise, balanced view of parenting unmarried by fads or public opinion. He advises in the practical sense, towards topics like sleep and potty trying, but also about emotional and social development. His incorporation of the five love languages is also helpful. I write a more complete review of this book on my blog at gloriousmomblog.com.

[Cory · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it. A good book, but I haven't found it to be much to write home about for me, personally. Though essentially anecdotal, Gary's background does lend a good amount of weight to his words. It did provide some new information and food for thought here and there. It does, however, seem to drift (somewhat often, in my opinion) from something one might want to know before parenting into information mostly for current parents.

[Andrea Berardi · Rating 1 out of 5]

To say that I was disappointed with this book would be an understatement.

The authors attempt to give practical advice on topics such as the costs of raising a child, educational decisions, and how the husband/wife relationship will change once a child is born but the religious undertones really lost my interest. I’ll admit I’m not a huge fan of the “self-help” genre but this book was preachy and basically common sense information, there was no real substance to the chapters.

[Mario Saraiva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book but quite repetitive if you read the 5 love languages.

Overall I do recommend this book but with a note of caution to those who have read any of the 5 love languages books. Nevertheless, the book still contained good advice for new parents. It’s appropriate to new moms and dads as well as those with toddlers (like me). But some parts will speak more to earlier parents while others to the later.

[Rachel Askew · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone expecting their first baby, I was looking forward to learning a lot of new information about parenthood. While this book offers good insight, I found much of it to be common sense. I’m sure as a new parent I will forget these lessons, so I think this is better targeted to people who already have babies and may be struggling.

It’s a quick read and still contains helpful info and practical suggestions, but I probably won’t read it again.

[Samantha Gould · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to be an intentional parent, this book is for you. This is a good book with excellent parenting advice. Nothing is groundbreaking or new, but Chapman gently teaches you about things you probably forgot, never learned, or just never thought about before. It's very practical.

I didn't love the writing style as Chapman referenced Warden rather than having their stories shared fluidly, but overall, it has great advice. I'll likely read this book again in the future.

[Vivian · Rating 2 out of 5]

All twelve of them.
*children radically change your schedule
*children are expensive
*no two children are alike
*potty training is challenging
*children need boundaries
and so on ...
This is not rocket science.
However, the few pages devoted to each was so cursory as to be only marginally helpful.
Pass.

[Kathy Heare Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think most parents could read this and agree with so many things.

I won a copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. So that others may also enjoy this book, I am paying it forward by donating it to my local library.

[Jake Manning · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, Chapman shares helpful tips on how to prepare yourself for parenting. Being a parent already, part of this book was not as relevant to me as it would have been prior. Overall, however, a good book with some solid advice for those about to be parents and even those that have just started parenting.
3.8

[Matt Assel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good flyover of basic parenting expectations. I found the discussion of emotional health in chapter six to be the most helpful. If you’re a first-time, expecting parent, and haven’t explored other parenting books, this will be a good introduction. However, if you’ve already worked through other resources, you can skip this book as it’s content is definitely aimed at the novice.