Sacred Passage: How to Provide Fearless, Compassionate Care for the Dying

by Margaret Coberly

Working as an emergency room nurse, Margaret Coberly came in contact with death on a daily basis. However, it wasn't until her own brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer that she realized she understood very little about the emotional and spiritual aspects of caring for the terminally ill. To fill this gap she turned to the unique wisdom on death and dying found in Tibetan Buddhism. In this book Coberly offers sound, practical advice on meeting the essential needs of the dying, integrating stories from her long career in nursing with useful insights from the Tibetan Buddhist teachings.

In the West, death is viewed as a tragic and horrible event. Coberly shows us how this view generates fear and denial, which harm the dying by adding unnecessary loneliness, confusion, and mental anguish to the dying process. Tibetan Buddhism focuses on the nature of death and how to face it with honesty, openness, and courage. In this view, death is not a failure, but a natural part of life that, if properly understood and appreciated, can offer the dying and their loved ones an opportunity to gain valuable insight and wisdom. Coberly argues that the Tibetan Buddhist outlook can be a useful antidote to the culture of fear and denial that surrounds death in the West and can help caregivers become more fully present, fearless, honest, and compassionate.

Sacred Passage highlights two very practical teachings on death and dying from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition and presents them in clear, nontechnical language. Readers learn about the "eight stages of dissolution leading to death," a detailed roadmap of the dying process that describes the sequence of physical, psychological, and spiritual changes that occur as we die. Coberly also presents the "death meditation," a contemplative exercise for developing a new relationship to death—and life. The book also includes a lengthy, annotated list of recommended readings for added guidance and inspiration.

Topics

   •  How the terminally ill can experience emotional and spiritual healing even when they can't be cured
   •  Why Western medicine's relentless focus on curing disease has led to inadequate care for the dying
   •  What to expect during the dying process
   •  How our fear and denial of death harm the dying
   •  Techniques to help caregivers promote a peaceful environment for the dying and their loved ones
   •  How to meet the changing physical and emotional needs of the dying
   •  Helpful advice on what to say and how to behave around the terminally ill


Registered nurses can earn Continuing Education Units (CEUs) by passing a written test based on this book. For more information, see .

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Buddhism

176 pages, Paperback

First published March 12, 2002

Reviews

[Boydsy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I wanted to learn how to relate with those people I spend time with in hospice. Unfortunately, the author spends the first 100 pages (of 123) discussing what we do wrong, what our healthcare system does wrong and explaining Tibetan Budism traditions. That would be okay if I wanted to learn about Buddhism but that wasn't my purpose or the topic implied by the title. I found six pages that explained the proper response at each stage of dying. To my dismay, the response is usually to be peaceful and create a tranquil atmosphere. For me this book was overly critical and didn't treat the subject of how to provide care very well.

[Amy Lenarz · Rating 3 out of 5]

The sections about our society's difficulty facing death were really well done, with lots of illustrative anecdotes that helped make abstract concepts much more relatable.
I think the practical advice about providing comfort measures for a dying person could be really helpful for a lay person, but as an RN who frequently cares for dying patients I didn't find much that was new.
My one complaint with the book was that I felt like the author was overly confident in the general applicability of the Tibetan Buddhist approach. Some of the advice concerning the stages of dying that supposedly happen after physical death seemed very religion-specific to me, even as a person who follows many of the teachings of Buddhism. I doubt they would resonate with my Catholic parents or my Methodist and Lutheran friends, for instance. And the specific recommendation that visitors must hide their grief to avoid disturbing the departing soul seemed inappropriate and potentially harmful to me. One of the most beautiful things about the dying and grieving processes is the chance it can give people to be fully authentic and honest with their loved ones. I hate to see that squelched in the name of Buddhism.

[sylas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some things about this book were really great. I appreciated Coberly's wisdom about being with dying people and found her personal accounts to be both moving and wise. I'll return to this book to reflect on her chapters about healing and death denial. This book has also lead me to several other books that I'm now interested in reading -- the resource list in the back of this book seems great.

All that glowing aside, I really had a hard time with Coberly positioning herself as an expert on Buddhism. The second half of this book is devoted to explaining "for westerners" how Buddhism perceives and addresses death. At one point in this book, Coberly talks about how the Dalai Lama explicitly says The Tibeten Book of the Dead should not be used by those folks who are not familiar with the teachings of Buddhism. Yet Coberly and several other white scholars have worked to simplify this text "to make the readings more accessible to Westerners". I'm not comfortable with the ways that Buddhism is co-opted in this book.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short book (125 pages) containing much information. Initially a discussion regarding death denial in society including amongst health professionals is followed by detailed information on Tibetan Buddhism's view on the dying process.

Helpful for those working in palliative care, nursing, health or anyone with an interest in Tibetan Buddhism.

The reader can also access a Course Test (T and F questions, accompanied by short answer questions) which can count to wards CNE points.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any and all hospice personnel should read this book.

[Alia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good exploration on the topic. She also incorporates Tibetan understanding of end of life care and rituals to practice.