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400 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 1996
"I waited a long time for this," she said, admitting quietly what he and everyone else in Maple Stand already knew. "To be your wife and have you love me. Do you suppose we might have made a baby?"
"Peter and Margaret are dead, remember? My children are dead and so is my wife." "But I'm..."
"He could withhold his essence just as he was withholding his affection. And Olivia need never know."
"Not at all like the fineness of Kirsten's tiny face,"
"It wasn't her fault she wasn't Kirsten, didn't have Kirsten's long blond curls, her sweet high voice, fine bones, girlish smile."
"Oh, she knew he didn't love her the way she had always loved him. She knew Remy had pushed him into it and she was a poor second choice, not much more than a housekeeper with whom he could... well... be a husband."
"He forced himself to think of Peter and Margaret and tried to be proud that he had managed to contain himself. He made himself imagine Kirsten standing beside the bed, watching him kiss another woman's breasts, sweat between another woman's legs, and tried to be ashamed that he had nearly enjoyed himself."
"Not that he found her pretty, but surely there were those that would."
"Go inside, dammit," he swore at her. "And let me regret marrying you in peace. Why can't you just go away and leave me alone?"
"He'd have thought that three years of restraint would have prepared him well for just one more night. Lord, they didn't come any dumber than him."
"When was the last time he'd satisfied a woman?"
"she figured out what he had done, what he'd let her believe, let the whole of Maple Stand believe?"
"Lord, he felt like an idiot, married to the woman for three years and he didn't even know what she liked. He felt worse than stupid, for he hadn't even cared."
"But not before tonight," she said, just trying to be absolutely sure that she understood what a sham the past three years had been. "Is that right?"
"This from the man who lived with her for three years pretending to love her or, if not that, pretending to... just the thought shamed and embarrassed her. A grown, married woman and she didn't know what was happening in her own bed. She bet that doctor in Milwaukee had enjoyed a good laugh after she and Bess left."
"Do you think I enjoyed one minute of keeping my distance from you? Tonight wasn't the first time I ever enjoyed myself, Olivia. I knew what I was missing."
"And reminding me about the grand time you and Kirsten had in my bed is not likely to make me take pity on you, Mr. Williamson."
"he owed her three years and as many children. She didn't see any way he'd be able to repay that debt. No way at all."
"I thought I wasn't a woman, Spencer," she said, embarrassed by the admission. "Do you know what it feels like to think you can't bear a child? That you have no purpose on earth? That you're being punished?"
"I'm so tired of your pain, Spencer. Your loss. Your choice. Did you ask me? Did you tell me? Did you care that they all believed I was barren? That I believed I was barren?" What was the point?
"Her life with Spencer had been a sham, and it was over. Every time she had let him use her, had lain beneath him while he raised her gown, had been a lie."
"I wish I could kill him," he admitted quietly. "Or that he'd died along with the rest of his precious family."
"And I suppose that the problem with wishes is that our own are often in the way of someone else's."
"I know you're sorry," she said, lifting his head so that his gaze locked with hers. "It doesn't matter. Sorry doesn't erase the pain. It doesn't give me back the love you stole, the loyalty you tricked me into giving you, the affection you withheld. You made a fool of me, Spencer, and every time I look at you I see that fool reflected in your eyes."
"I would. I do. I was never a wife to you, Spencer. And now you want something I don't even know how to give."