The Bride Wore Black Leather...And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us

by Drew Campbell, Donna Barr (Illustrator)

Book by Drew Campbell

Genres: Queer, Nonfiction, Humor, Sexuality, Gender, BDSM

166 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2000

Reviews

[Lily]

While this had a relatively broad spectrum of etiquette suggestions, it was clearly dated in both the advice as well as the word usage.

Not to mention, most “etiquette” is simply based on most white, patriarchal behavior. There’s nothing, I suppose, wrong with that. But for a book geared towards alternative folks I wish it would have covered that a bit more rather than just rehashing the same heteronormative-style advice.

So not bad for a snippet of history, but not something worth more than a “hrm interesting” read.

[Christine Pugh]

I checked this book out from my local GLBT library and I found it very amusing, open-minded and respectful. As some other commentators have noted, it is primarily a guide to employing the golden rule of, "Don't be a dick!". I found that its information on the US leather scene and polyamorous communities was highly informative without being prurient.

Where I would advise caution, however, is in recommending this book to your average GLBT community. The author tends to group all "altsexers" together, and while this doesn't bother me, I realize that many committed, monogamous GLBT people are likely to take offense at being lumped in with lifestyle BDSM practitioners and those in long term polyamorous relationships. I wouldn't hesitate in recommending this book to very open, tolerant queer groups, but it certainly does nothing to promote the agenda some people have of explaining, "We're just like straight couples, but with two men (or two women)."

[House Hesson]

This book presents etiquette for, primarily, a kinky community. There is some adherence to classic standards that no one freaking remembers anymore but it's mainly used as a guidepost when Wheaton's Law is not enough to answer a question. And it is, largely, a guide on using Wheaton's Law...which is what a living, modern version of etiquette rests upon. Some Q&A's venture into other subcultures that are likely to cross: for example, the question of how to address Pagan clergy.

The parts that we would find useful are traditional etiquette and could be found online - how, for example, to address a wedding invitation. The rest seems more useful to outsiders and newcomers who don't know the community's norms. As such, probably not a book we'd buy for ourselves, unless it's to immediately lend to someone else. Thus the subjective three stars.

-Kearil

[Christy]

I picked this up on a whim. I found it interesting, and full of common-sense - even though I didn't always agree with the author. (For example, I don't believe that "People who are looking for more ought not go to bed with someone they've just met", and I don't think that using "therapy speak", e.g., the term "issues," is annoying.)
I think the book was ahead of its time - I can barely believe it's 15 years old now. I'm only giving it three stars, though, because it seemed snooty at times, and that grated on me.

[Mirrordance]

Prometteva meglio. Che fosse un libro "leggero" era chiaro, ma alla fine è del tutto inutile. Si poteva vivere senza. Molto americano, perde l'occasione di essere ironico e di evasione. Un manuale di etichetta assai scontato che fa pensare che gli americani siano del tutto incapaci di relazioni interpersonali, se devono leggere su un libro come ci si comporta in certe occasioni. Occasione persa per suggerire qualcosa di utile o scrivere qualcosa di spiritoso.

[Kelsey]

An etiquette guide for "alternative lifestyles." A useful thing to have next time you have to write out a party invitation to a D/s household. I thought it was very interesting.

[Angela]

who knew?

[sam]

Funny and fluffy

[Connie Neil]

Part straightforward etiquette book, part explanation of a world I know far too little about. Answered so many questions.

I also like the illustrator, Donna Barr, and her comic Desert Peach.