My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up

by Stephen Elliott

This blistering new collection from literary rising star Stephen Elliott demonstrates once again why his books have been praised as “graceful,” “soaring,” and “fearless.” As with all of Elliott’s work, these stories have the raw ring of truth filtered through the author’s downbeat-poetic sensibility. My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up follows the narrator on a dizzying ride through past and present, from a group home for troubled adolescents in Chicago where he loses his virginity to shooting galleries and homeless encampments in San Francisco where he searches for deeper and darker thrills. In “Other Desires,” a flood of unsettling memories backgrounds the narrator’s involvement with a loose-knit family of lost souls. “Tears” explores the disturbing complexities of an S/M Internet hook-up. Several of the stories feature the enigmatic Eden, the narrator’s polyamorous mistress. With My Girlfriend, Elliott confirms his status as a major young writer of a kind of literary fiction that recalls the work of Genet and Bukowski.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Erotica, BDSM, Sexuality, Adult

122 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Stephen Elliott is the author of seven books including Happy Baby, a finalist for the New York Public Library's Young Lions Award, as well as a Best Book of 2004 in Salon.com, Newsday, Chicago New City, Journal News, and Village Voice. Elliott's writing has been featured in Esquire, The New York Times, GQ, Best American Non-Required Reading 2005 & 2007, Best American Erotica, and Best Sex Writing 2006. He is the editor of Where To Invade Next and three collections of politically inspired fiction. In January, 2009, he founded the online culture magazine, The Rumpus."

Reviews

[Jack]

Elliott is a polished, punchy writer, and I've got huge respect for him as a craftsman. The stories in here are flawless, emotionally powerful, and as far as I can tell, dead honest.

One disclaimer: it ain't erotica, despite the sexy cover art. This is part of what makes it such a great collection. The author is a total kinkster himself, but he resists any urge to titillate. He keeps things realistic, lets them be ugly when they need to be. The beauty emerges not from any voluptuous fantasy, but from the weird but very grounded development of the semi-autobiographical narrator character.

Gays have all this great 'coming out' literature, but kinky people don't, really... or they didn't before this book. Writing this took some serious balls, and I'm glad someone did it.

[Imogen]

This was really good and I flew through it in an evening and he does a really good job with the thing where you say a line and it seems kind of non sequitir but really it's establishing a scene, but I could do without the bit where he keeps conflating, over and over, the relationship between a messed up childhood and a kinky adulthood. I get that it's his story and not everybody else's, but some of us are big perverts who had childhoods no more messed up than anybody else's.

That's my shit though. I did really like it.

[Emily]

The introduction talked about wanting people to understand S&M and how the world should accept it as a lifestyle choice, so I thought maybe I'd learn something. But it was just like, "Hey, look, I'm kinky and so happy about it! It's normal! It's great! Yes, when my girlfriend is carving words into my flesh I happen to think about getting raped at 14 and about my dad chaining me to a pipe and beating me. But that's not why I like getting beaten up! It's healthy!"

[Drew]

This book is made up of several short stories, all of which are quite short, leaving the book a mere 120 or so pages in length and therefore not quite worth the $14 they were charging for it. However, I enjoyed the stories within nonetheless, and would read more writing by Stephen Elliott if given the opportunity.

The stories in this book focus on Elliott's sexual experiences, mostly consisting of being on the receiving end of brutal beatings. As a submissive, this sort of thing is what he wants out of his sex life, but it's mixed with drug problems, flashbacks to his disturbing and unhappy childhood, and a life generally lived on the edge, in crappy apartments and the back seats of cars. It's a memoir of sorts, but Elliott claims to have published it as fiction because he doesn't want to have to be responsible for the truth of his own memories. It's therefore hard to know what of the events the book describes actually happened and what didn't, but it seems likely that there's some basic truth to all of these experiences.

In some ways I could relate to Elliott's experiences within the book. I didn't have anywhere near as rough of a childhood as he did, and my sex life was never anywhere near as intense and fucked-up as he describes his as being in this book, but I have some tendencies towards the BDSM side of things myself, and his desires and fetishes made a fundamental kind of sense to me, even if I'd never take them anywhere near as far as he and his lovers in the book did.

I felt like the real story being told in this book, the story that one gets when all of the individual, single-event-based stories are added together like this into a (not quite) book-length single work, is that of a person with a lot of mental problems and a sexuality he doesn't really understand trying to come to a point where he is able to accept himself and his sexuality, and find a healthy way to express both. By the end of the last story, he seems like he sort of kind of does just that. At least a little bit. It's a happy ending of sorts, and by that point in the book, it's a welcome one.

[Don]

The pieces in this collection were just the right length for me, mostly because the prose was as engaging (okay, arousing) as the subject matter, especially as the book progresses. I probably should've read the stories, as some say you should with a collection of shorts, in order. (I typically read a collection out of order, starting with the shortest pieces.) When I skimmed the book a final time to make sure I'd finished it, I could appreciate what seemed to be a theme of someone slowly, but surely putting himself back together after a life of trauma.

[Kevin]

Though you can tell these stories are probably 90% true, they lend themselves well to their fictional frames. Elliott is pretty great with mixing his stories of kink and romance with a deeper emotional and psychological resonance.

[anne s.]

Another one I speed-read at Powell's. Mildly interesting, but don't spend money on it. Short stories about degredation and sex are not going to change your life. The cover's the best part.

[James]

Elliott labels this collection fiction as he does not trust his memories of youth, but the book is made of stories of his search for love and satisfaction of his submissive and masochistic sexual practices. Raw, unflinching, and brutally honest, this collection is not for everyone, but it is a well-written account of a troubled man making mistakes in his search for affection.

[Kat]

Whether or not I "liked" reading this is the wrong question, but it is an A+ cover for getting weird, judgy looks on the subway.

[Caroline Bray]

I didn't know what to expect when I picked up this book. As I write this review, I'm still, in many ways, processing it.

I enjoy Elliot's writing style. His discussion of a variety of topics, including severe abuse, is frank, but the way he presents them, combined with themes of hope, love, and growth, works in creating a poignant and somewhat lyrical collection of stories.

Some of this can be hard to read for some people. But it's a journey tracing, as Elliot calls it, his "sexual memoir." To me, however, it feels far less about sex than it does about life. Because sex is part of life, and the sex described in the book is tangled up in the business of life. It very much is a literary work, rather than any simple disclosure of sexual escapades or masturbatory material.

I didn't always enjoy it while reading it. I don't know if I would give it a second read. Not soon, but sometime in the future perhaps. But I am happy I read it. The epilogue sticks particularly in my mind, especially when reconsidering the introduction. I reread the introduction after finishing the book, and it was a much different experience for me. I look at the political stance Elliot calls for (circa 2006), and one line sticks in my mind in particular: "We can't wait for the approval of others; we must force them to accept us" (xii). Although this is in context of kinkiness, it's more than suitable for general life, and is just one of the many insights into life that Elliot provides.

I plan on checking out other works by Elliot, and would recommend people give this a read.

I received this book free from Goodreads First Reads.

[Lindsey]

This book really gave me a lot to think about, which I really appreciated. It was really my first look into the BDSM world, although learning about that specific culture was interesting to me, what really intrigued me and got me thinking was the concept of trauma play. Elliott is aroused by reliving and reimagining traumatic experiences from his childhood and adolescence, especially the multiple rapes he experienced as a ward of the state and the emotional and physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. I had always found the idea of getting off to a horrible event in a person's life was wrong and somehow harmful, but now I don't really think that's the case. It enabled Elliott to survive that trauma and own it in his own way. Interesting and well-written exploration about a topic I had never even thought to explore.

[Alvin]

Elliott explores the way childhood abuse and kinky sexuality intertwine using episodes from his life amongst the polyamorous B&D crowd and flashbacks to his wretched childhood. Along the way, we get a good peek into his psyche, a dose of candor that could be unsettling if Elliott didn't leave readers with the distinct impression that he'd gotten the better of his trauma and was now a happy person. Because he grew up rough, Elliot doesn't leave out (as sooo much modern literature does) the terrors and travails of the unfortunate around us. Personally, I could've done without the blow by blow descriptions of Elliott's dates with his doms, but then I hate reading about sex, so that's probably just me. Anyways, three cheers for letting it all hang out!

[Anna]

An interesting book in that it writes about BDSM experiences without completely becoming erotica, thank goodness. There are a few stellar moments in here, but at the same time, the writing is wooden. The retelling of these half-fiction-half-non-fiction stories borders on clinical. Elliott doesn't ever allow himself to unbuckle and really get into the emotional meat of a moment. There are a few times when it nearly happens and that's when the writing becomes its best, but for the most part, it's robotic. Still, in a sea of lurid 50-shades-esque erotica, it's a (mostly) no-nonsense look at the ins and outs of BDSM, though too short and too clipped.

[Colleen]

I got this book because it got so many rave reviews and it piqued my curiosity. It seemed a bit like reading about a unique subculture...almost. It's definitely eye-opening and I plan to read his other more-mainstream books now, but I'd only suggest reading this one if you can read about things you don't necessarily like or want to do without getting freaked out. Generally speaking, I think that's a good goal to have, but sometimes you have to take baby steps, and this may not feel like a "baby step" for everyone.

[Carmen]

Good, stark writing, but I'm not sure if it's self-aware or scary. When I read this, I thought he was being ironic, and I laughed and laughed. But after meeting him, I read it again and cried.

My favorite part was when an older woman gave him a copy of "Diet for a Small Planet" right before beating him with a cane. To my mind, those two actions were redundant. I hate "Diet for a Small Planet," and I'll get to that.

[Matt Evans]

Be warned: this book isn't for everyone. The author engages in an extreme lifestyle that many people may find offensive/repulsive. That said, Mr. Elliott is an engaging and even inspiring figure. He's an honest, clear writer. The book ends on a decided (and redemptive) upswing, and I can't wait to read his next novel. (To wit: it appears to be about a Bay area murder. Check out Mr. Elliott's 7/9 article in Salon where he takes a convicted murderer [rightly] to task.)

[Powells.com]

Yes, this collection of stories is sexually explicit. Yet, what I actually find most stunning and stimulating about it is Elliott's ability to bravely suffuse his writing with a raw and tender emotional explicitness. I believe humanity to be at a dangerous crossroads; it may sound strange, but Elliott's stark honesty gives me a daring seed of hope for the human animal.
Recommended by Nichole, Powells.com

[Alexandra]

Another nice show of vulnerability from Elliott...perhaps too vulnerable this time. I heard (from him) that this book was a lot more light-hearted than his novel, Happy Baby, but while the end offers a little more hope than the travesty of the other, it's still pretty bleak. The stories are good but I'd recommend Happy Baby over Girlfriend.

[Angie]

I forgot I read this until it came across my desk today. The title alone is worth picking it up. Interesting to read about a lifestyle I'll never experience...at least I don't think I will! Kind of sad, depressing and demoralizing really because it goes beyond "play" to just plain mean in my opinion. But to each their own so kudos to Stephen Elliot for writing about such a "taboo" subject.

[Hazel]

nice little set of stories. emphasis on little - I read the book in an afternoon. I liked the author's style of writing, but got a bit turned off sometimes. I think partly defensiveness, partly sadness, as he had bad situation after bad situation with dominant women. These aren't hot stories, more of an analysis of his relationship with BDSM.

[Matthew Lawrence]

I've never read any Genet or Bukowski, so I don't know if the back cover's right in comparing them, but this Elliott fellow's got a heck of a way with a sentence. And I really think he captures, in the earlier stories, the feeling of doing something that's simultaneously really crazy and really boring.

[Bridget]

Coming off of having read his excellent Happy Baby I had higher hopes for this book. They were unfounded.
Eliot is not a bad writer but he's SUCH a professional Bay Area writer stereotype that it's hard to take his work seriously for me.

[Bradley]

This reminds me of when I was assigned to read Mary Gaitskill's Bad Behavior for a class, but it isn't torture to get through like that book. Good writing. Somewhat fun to read. Found it on my brother's bookshelf and it looked interesting. Figured I'd give it a shot since the guy runs The Rumpus, which is a pretty cool site.

[katie]

Since I loved his other book Happy Baby, I though I would read this, and it is as good in just the same kind of way. Stephen Elliot is touch with his sexual need to feel pain and be submissive, among other things. He finds it healing to make it safe. And he is honest.

[William Prystauk]

Elliott brings the complex emotions associated with a man in search of meaning in regard to his masochism. This is a phenomenal read for those trying to understand their own sexual desires or those of others. Elliott's language and storytelling are first rate as well as captivating.

[Shannon Barber]

This is a perfect sized book to get familiar with Stephen Elliott's writing. I really loved this book. The writing is sweet and confessional, reading this book feels like a very intimate experience and it was lovely.

[Bcoghill Coghill]

Pretty darn strange book but I liked it.
Stephen Elliot writes so well that it obscures what I think of as weird behavior.
But, Hey! it is not like I would know having never strayed from convention - yet.

[Courtney Aguilar]

This books was just a series of rough sexcapades and an eclipse of terrible back stories. I felt pity for him the whole time, it was like he was a shell of a person who looked for hard sex to match with his hard times.

[clara]

very interesting look at abuse and love...

[Jonathan]

A dirty, dirty crybaby who writes pretty. I guess it was cheaper than therapy.