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The Pursuit of Attention: Power and Ego in Everyday Life
"Enough about me," goes the old saying, "what about you? What do you think about me?" Hence the pursuit of attention is alive and well. Even the Oxford English Dictionary reveals a modern coinage to reflect the chase in our technological "ego-surfing"--searching the Internet for occurrences of your own name. What is the cause of this obsessive need for others' recognition? This useful and popular volume, now in a second edition that features major new introductory and concluding essays, entertainingly ponders this question. Derber argues that there is a general lack of social support in today's America, one which causes people to vie hungrily for attention, and he shows how individuals will often employ numerous techniques to turn the course of a conversation towards themselves. Illustrating this "conversational narcissism" with sample dialogues that will seem disturbingly familiar to all readers, this book analyzes the pursuit of attention in conversation--as well as in
politics and celebrity culture--and demonstrates the ultimate importance of gender, class, and racial differences in competing for attention. Derber shows how changes in the economy and culture--such as the advent of the Internet--have intensified the rampant individualism and egotism of today. And finally, in a new afterword, he focuses on how to restructure the economy and culture to humanize ourselves and increase the capacity for community, empathy, and attention-giving.
politics and celebrity culture--and demonstrates the ultimate importance of gender, class, and racial differences in competing for attention. Derber shows how changes in the economy and culture--such as the advent of the Internet--have intensified the rampant individualism and egotism of today. And finally, in a new afterword, he focuses on how to restructure the economy and culture to humanize ourselves and increase the capacity for community, empathy, and attention-giving.
160 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1979
38 people are currently reading
751 people want to read
About the author
Charles Derber
49 books47 followersCharles Derber is Professor of Sociology at Boston College and has written 17 books - on politics, economy, capitalism, war, the culture wars, culture and conversation, and social change. He writes for and has been reviewed in the NY Times, the Washington Post, the Boston Globe, Truthout, and other leading media. His books are translated into Chinese, Korean, Tamil, German and Polish- and he is a bestseller in South Korea, done extended book tours in German bookstores and blues coffee houses, and has lectured in Italy in June for seven years. Derber is a public intellectual who believes that serious ideas should be written in an accessible and entertaining style.His most recent book is Sociopathic Society: A People's Sociology of the United States. He is also a life-long social justice activist and a terrific public speaker - so contact him and try to lure him to a public talk. Check out his Youtube presentations. He is married and has a beautiful Wheaten Terrier dog named Mojo, who lives up to his name.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
February 13, 2018
I read this for my class on Explaining Evil as part of a discussion on how systemic evils develop on the micro-level. This is a fascinating examination of how our everyday conversations are pushes and pulls for attention. Notable in Derber's analysis is how sexism might be developed and perpetuated by our words, especially when paired with socio-economic status and an industrialized economy. Derber touches on themes mentioned in many feminist collections of today (such as Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman) in that many women feel anxious or unsure about grabbing attention naturally. They are told and conditioned that they should be quiet and well mannered. Derber's theory, originally written in the 70's helps explain why this is, and, more helpfully, what we might do to stop it. I would have liked to see more gender-neutral language throughout the book. Further, current and increasingly widespread knowledge of transgenderism (and the limits of the gender binary on the whole) have made this a somewhat dated book. Perhaps Derber is a bit simplistic in thinking all power inequality ultimately stems from our conversation patterns, but it's one hell of a convincing theory. I'd really recommend this for anyone interested in sociology, language, or sex roles.
April 6, 2020
I don’t understand why this book has only 3.74 stars. Although I understand it’s outdated, a lot of these ideas actually still persist in today’s society and he makes some really keen observations that I otherwise wouldn’t have noticed about myself or people when conversing.
I wished that he touched on mental health and it’s relationship to conversational narcissism but I feel like that’s heading towards psychology, a field that is different than sociology.
Other than that, a solid read! Had me hooked from the start.
I wished that he touched on mental health and it’s relationship to conversational narcissism but I feel like that’s heading towards psychology, a field that is different than sociology.
Other than that, a solid read! Had me hooked from the start.
April 4, 2013
The beginning of the book makes some interesting observations about skills people use to command attention from others. After that, the book disintegrates into shallow polemics. More of a short essay followed by useless filler than a book.
September 11, 2018
A thorough and clear analysis of the structural forces underlying competition for individual attention in the United States, with a compelling call to action in the end.
June 10, 2011
I had meant to request the more recent version of this book and received the 1979 version through inter-library loan instead. It was interesting to me, though the sexual-political themes in it felt dated, over-emphasized and simplistic. For example, he asserts that women are an oppressed minority and therefore at a disadvantage for attention in modern society. I've now requested the updated version, and it will be interesting to see how the author treats these same issues thirty years later.
The whole idea of striving to get attention is deeply rooted in every single interaction people have, and yet, perhaps because of this, it seems we are little conscious of our pursuit of it. I know some very basic principles, once presented to me in this book, struck me as both completely obvious and yet new information to me. Perhaps I'm the only one this would apply to. Perhaps not.
Since I love to think about personal interactions, I found this an interesting read.
The whole idea of striving to get attention is deeply rooted in every single interaction people have, and yet, perhaps because of this, it seems we are little conscious of our pursuit of it. I know some very basic principles, once presented to me in this book, struck me as both completely obvious and yet new information to me. Perhaps I'm the only one this would apply to. Perhaps not.
Since I love to think about personal interactions, I found this an interesting read.
June 27, 2016
The Pursuit of Attention brings clarity to certain human behaviors demonstative of the need for attention and examines the cultural distribution of attention based on economic status, gender, and education in both formal and informal settings. Charles Derber relies on outdated pop-culture icons and attitudes for reference, somewhat weakening his argument. What few solutions he offers seem far fetched and diminish hope for change.
December 17, 2013
This was an excellent book that clearly links social hierarchy with daily social interactions. Ever since I read it, I see how power inequalities play out in conversations and other social situations that so subtly yet obviously expose the individualistic competition for attention (and a better life).
May 4, 2008
Fabulous (and short) read on time and attention as a commodity.
January 14, 2016
Some of the material is dated--are "housewives" still a demographic group?--but the premise and transactional analyses are first-rate.
August 13, 2009
Sociologist Charles Derber takes a look at the competition for attention in American society—a competition that has sharply increased since the first edition of this book appeared in 1979. He likens the competition for attention to the competition for money, with some people “rich” (attention-takers) and others “poor” (attention-givers and “invisibles”). He studies the phenomenon in two settings: informal (for example, casual conversations among friends) and formal (where social roles and status come into play—for example, conversations between bosses and employees), and uses two methods: having observers witness conversations and fill out detailed questionnaires, and microanalyzing recorded conversations. One of Derber’s objectives is to relate microsociology, the study of face-to-face interactions, with macrosociology, the study of the larger culture and social institutions.
In informal interactions, Derber finds an incredible amount of what he calls “conversational narcissism”—people wanting to talk about themselves or their own interests—attention-taking rather than attention-giving.
Extremely individualistic societies are vulnerable to a disintegration of social life in which needs and desires for egoistic gratification overwhelm the social order. In America, the individualistic psychology underlying conversational narcissism is one of broad self-absorption, bred by cultural and economic individualism and the emergence of the “self” cut adrift from any enduring community.
Individualism has a counterpart in American psychology. People tend to seek attention for themselves in face-to-face interactions. This attention-getting psychology reflects an underlying character structure of “self-orientation” that emerges in highly individualistic societies.
How is attention actually captured in conversation? In two ways: by employing the “shift-response” and/or by failing to employ the “support-response.” Some examples:
JOHN: I’m feeling really starved.
MARY: Oh, I just ate. (shift-response)
JOHN: I’m feeling really starved.
MARY: When was the last time you ate? (support-response)
JOHN: I just love Brahms.
MARY: Chopin’s my favorite. (shift-response)
JOHN: I just love Brahms.
MARY: Which is your favorite piece? (support-response)
Conversational narcissism involves preferential use of the shift-response and underutilization of the support-response. We can distinguish between active and passive narcissistic practices. The active practices involve repeated use of the shift-response to subtly turn the topics of others into topics about oneself. The passive practices involve minimal use of support-responses so that others’ topics are not sufficiently reinforced and so are terminated prematurely.
The subtlety of the shift-response is that it is always based on a connection to the previous subject. This creates an opening for the respondent to shift the topic to himself while still preserving the “face” of the other.
MARY: I saw the most beautiful rainbow today.
JOHN: Wow, I saw such a lovely one last week.
MARY: It had such a magnificent blend of blues and golds.
JOHN: Huh, the one I saw was all reds and yellows.
MARY: What time of day did you see it?
JOHN: Early afternoon. I was walking near the river and…
Passive practices constitute a more subtle expression of narcissism, characterized not by the grabbing of attention but by miserliness in the responses given to others. Such practices involve underutilization of the support responses that normally allow others to pursue their topics. The effect is to let the other’s topics die through lack of encouragement, thereby opening the floor to the initiation of one’s own topics.
Example of weak support-response:
MARY: Oh, I had the most awful headache all day. Tom was awful at work and, uh, just kept bothering me and bothering me. And Louise, too, more of the same. I’m so sick of it.
JOHN: Yeah.
The latter part of Derber’s book focuses on formal interactions—those based on social roles and status. “In formal interactions, the right to pursue attention for oneself and to receive it from others is conditioned by one’s institutional roles and social power.” Bosses command more attention than employees, men than women, whites than minorities—still true, but less so than in 1979, when “political correctness” was fast emerging. (Sidenote: Ironically, many now hold that it’s no longer the ethnic minorities or females who command the least attention but the white male adolescent.) According to Derber, the big drivers in formal (and to some extent also in informal) attention-getting are wealth, occupation and education. Most of the points he makes in this part of the book are pretty obvious, but some of his microcomments are interesting:
People in the subordinate classes, without access to institutional attention-getting roles, may come to depend especially on the acquisition of goods to compensate.
Occupational status is considered in modern culture the most tangible and compelling measure of ability and now carries the symbolic significance that wealth had in an earlier period.
An analysis of the talk of working-class housewives indicates that their lack of occupational status forces them to seek alternative strategies (obsessive talking is one possibility) to mitigate the fear that they might be completely disregarded.
The internalization of economic rules of self-interest breeds a psychological readiness to act egotistically even in the most intimate avenues of personal life.
The more one doubts one’s worth or magnetism, the more important it becomes to claim attention and thereby set one’s fears to rest. The self-oriented person thus persistently seeks attention, yet can never completely alleviate his doubts that he is entitled to it.
Such economic individualism bred a new focus on self. Bearing sole responsibility for one’s economic fate places a fundamental strain on psychic life, resulting in intensified concern with oneself and one’s own fortunes.
In America, economic forces and burdens lie at the heart of self-orientation. People are cut adrift from any community providing economic security. Thrown into a labor market that rewards individual performance while making employment precarious and highly competitive, each individual must become self-oriented simply to subsist and succeed.
Probably the most interesting parts of the book are the introduction and conclusion added for the second edition. In the new introduction Derber talks about the “democratization of celebrity,” as more and more people seek their fifteen minutes of fame. He identifies four emerging trends:
*Fashion industry—“one [trend:] is the spreading influence of the fashion industry that has turned supermodels into celebrities rivaling movie stars; it is breeding a new kind of preoccupation with bodily image, beauty, and fashion that affects the way millions of ordinary Americans seek attention…”
*Self-exposure—“A second, related but distinct cultural trend is the rise of intimate self-exposure as a fashionable artistic and media genre—and as a more legitimate attention-commanding subject of everyday conversation.” He cites confessional novels and memoirs, trash talk shows like those of Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones, and the “therapeutic culture” in which people love to talk about their traumas and problems. [Derber’s second edition was published before the rise of another example of self-exposure: social networking.]
*Narcissism—a third trend is the rise of the “me me me” culture; among other phenomena he cites the exceptional popularity of the Seinfeld show with its aimless and dysfunctional narcissists.
*New Technology—“A fourth and unanticipated trend is the harnessing of new electronic technology to pioneer previously unimaginable ways of pursuing attention. The Internet has many democratizing possibilities, but its use as a vehicle to grab attention and its potential for fueling narcissism in millions of Americans deserves special comment.” [See the above comment about social networking.:]
In the conclusion to the second edition, Derber analyses more clearly the social forces that have brought about these psychological changes:
1) systemic revolution—the long rise of the capitalistic market out of the graveyard of feudalism shifts economic ownership and initiative toward entrepreneurs, merchants, and corporations without community roots
2) cultural transformation—the new capitalist actors enact and promote a radical new culture of individualism—articulated by intellectuals, teachers, preachers, parents, and politicians—that prizes individual self-interest over community loyalty
3) institutional transformation—corporations structurally weaken community by slowly gaining control over the jobs and capital on which community life depends
4) individualization of everyday life—as communities decline, individuals become more atomized and self-reliant, carrying burdens once borne by communities themselves
5) shifts in character and symbolic interaction—as individual burdens intensify, our ways of relating to one another inevitably change, making us ever more focused on ourselves (self-oriented character) and less inclined or able to give attention to others.
Derber also talks about “double trouble”:
Double trouble—the simultaneous shift toward less secure attachments at work and home—is a sea chain rocking our millenial turn; it sits at the center of the chain connecting systemic changes in our economy and culture with the personal insecurity firing up the pursuit of attention. The rise of disposable work reflects a meltdown in the corporate communities that existed when I first wrote this book. The corporate system is birthing a new workforce of temps, part-timers, independent contractors, leased employees, freelancers, and “temporary permanents.” The middle class has morphed into the “anxious class.”
Derber is no stylist and much of what he says is obvious, but he will get you thinking more analytically about the causes and possible ramifications of the social and psychological changes that are so apparent in your daily life.
In informal interactions, Derber finds an incredible amount of what he calls “conversational narcissism”—people wanting to talk about themselves or their own interests—attention-taking rather than attention-giving.
Extremely individualistic societies are vulnerable to a disintegration of social life in which needs and desires for egoistic gratification overwhelm the social order. In America, the individualistic psychology underlying conversational narcissism is one of broad self-absorption, bred by cultural and economic individualism and the emergence of the “self” cut adrift from any enduring community.
Individualism has a counterpart in American psychology. People tend to seek attention for themselves in face-to-face interactions. This attention-getting psychology reflects an underlying character structure of “self-orientation” that emerges in highly individualistic societies.
How is attention actually captured in conversation? In two ways: by employing the “shift-response” and/or by failing to employ the “support-response.” Some examples:
JOHN: I’m feeling really starved.
MARY: Oh, I just ate. (shift-response)
JOHN: I’m feeling really starved.
MARY: When was the last time you ate? (support-response)
JOHN: I just love Brahms.
MARY: Chopin’s my favorite. (shift-response)
JOHN: I just love Brahms.
MARY: Which is your favorite piece? (support-response)
Conversational narcissism involves preferential use of the shift-response and underutilization of the support-response. We can distinguish between active and passive narcissistic practices. The active practices involve repeated use of the shift-response to subtly turn the topics of others into topics about oneself. The passive practices involve minimal use of support-responses so that others’ topics are not sufficiently reinforced and so are terminated prematurely.
The subtlety of the shift-response is that it is always based on a connection to the previous subject. This creates an opening for the respondent to shift the topic to himself while still preserving the “face” of the other.
MARY: I saw the most beautiful rainbow today.
JOHN: Wow, I saw such a lovely one last week.
MARY: It had such a magnificent blend of blues and golds.
JOHN: Huh, the one I saw was all reds and yellows.
MARY: What time of day did you see it?
JOHN: Early afternoon. I was walking near the river and…
Passive practices constitute a more subtle expression of narcissism, characterized not by the grabbing of attention but by miserliness in the responses given to others. Such practices involve underutilization of the support responses that normally allow others to pursue their topics. The effect is to let the other’s topics die through lack of encouragement, thereby opening the floor to the initiation of one’s own topics.
Example of weak support-response:
MARY: Oh, I had the most awful headache all day. Tom was awful at work and, uh, just kept bothering me and bothering me. And Louise, too, more of the same. I’m so sick of it.
JOHN: Yeah.
The latter part of Derber’s book focuses on formal interactions—those based on social roles and status. “In formal interactions, the right to pursue attention for oneself and to receive it from others is conditioned by one’s institutional roles and social power.” Bosses command more attention than employees, men than women, whites than minorities—still true, but less so than in 1979, when “political correctness” was fast emerging. (Sidenote: Ironically, many now hold that it’s no longer the ethnic minorities or females who command the least attention but the white male adolescent.) According to Derber, the big drivers in formal (and to some extent also in informal) attention-getting are wealth, occupation and education. Most of the points he makes in this part of the book are pretty obvious, but some of his microcomments are interesting:
People in the subordinate classes, without access to institutional attention-getting roles, may come to depend especially on the acquisition of goods to compensate.
Occupational status is considered in modern culture the most tangible and compelling measure of ability and now carries the symbolic significance that wealth had in an earlier period.
An analysis of the talk of working-class housewives indicates that their lack of occupational status forces them to seek alternative strategies (obsessive talking is one possibility) to mitigate the fear that they might be completely disregarded.
The internalization of economic rules of self-interest breeds a psychological readiness to act egotistically even in the most intimate avenues of personal life.
The more one doubts one’s worth or magnetism, the more important it becomes to claim attention and thereby set one’s fears to rest. The self-oriented person thus persistently seeks attention, yet can never completely alleviate his doubts that he is entitled to it.
Such economic individualism bred a new focus on self. Bearing sole responsibility for one’s economic fate places a fundamental strain on psychic life, resulting in intensified concern with oneself and one’s own fortunes.
In America, economic forces and burdens lie at the heart of self-orientation. People are cut adrift from any community providing economic security. Thrown into a labor market that rewards individual performance while making employment precarious and highly competitive, each individual must become self-oriented simply to subsist and succeed.
Probably the most interesting parts of the book are the introduction and conclusion added for the second edition. In the new introduction Derber talks about the “democratization of celebrity,” as more and more people seek their fifteen minutes of fame. He identifies four emerging trends:
*Fashion industry—“one [trend:] is the spreading influence of the fashion industry that has turned supermodels into celebrities rivaling movie stars; it is breeding a new kind of preoccupation with bodily image, beauty, and fashion that affects the way millions of ordinary Americans seek attention…”
*Self-exposure—“A second, related but distinct cultural trend is the rise of intimate self-exposure as a fashionable artistic and media genre—and as a more legitimate attention-commanding subject of everyday conversation.” He cites confessional novels and memoirs, trash talk shows like those of Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones, and the “therapeutic culture” in which people love to talk about their traumas and problems. [Derber’s second edition was published before the rise of another example of self-exposure: social networking.]
*Narcissism—a third trend is the rise of the “me me me” culture; among other phenomena he cites the exceptional popularity of the Seinfeld show with its aimless and dysfunctional narcissists.
*New Technology—“A fourth and unanticipated trend is the harnessing of new electronic technology to pioneer previously unimaginable ways of pursuing attention. The Internet has many democratizing possibilities, but its use as a vehicle to grab attention and its potential for fueling narcissism in millions of Americans deserves special comment.” [See the above comment about social networking.:]
In the conclusion to the second edition, Derber analyses more clearly the social forces that have brought about these psychological changes:
1) systemic revolution—the long rise of the capitalistic market out of the graveyard of feudalism shifts economic ownership and initiative toward entrepreneurs, merchants, and corporations without community roots
2) cultural transformation—the new capitalist actors enact and promote a radical new culture of individualism—articulated by intellectuals, teachers, preachers, parents, and politicians—that prizes individual self-interest over community loyalty
3) institutional transformation—corporations structurally weaken community by slowly gaining control over the jobs and capital on which community life depends
4) individualization of everyday life—as communities decline, individuals become more atomized and self-reliant, carrying burdens once borne by communities themselves
5) shifts in character and symbolic interaction—as individual burdens intensify, our ways of relating to one another inevitably change, making us ever more focused on ourselves (self-oriented character) and less inclined or able to give attention to others.
Derber also talks about “double trouble”:
Double trouble—the simultaneous shift toward less secure attachments at work and home—is a sea chain rocking our millenial turn; it sits at the center of the chain connecting systemic changes in our economy and culture with the personal insecurity firing up the pursuit of attention. The rise of disposable work reflects a meltdown in the corporate communities that existed when I first wrote this book. The corporate system is birthing a new workforce of temps, part-timers, independent contractors, leased employees, freelancers, and “temporary permanents.” The middle class has morphed into the “anxious class.”
Derber is no stylist and much of what he says is obvious, but he will get you thinking more analytically about the causes and possible ramifications of the social and psychological changes that are so apparent in your daily life.
July 13, 2018
For its length it is extremely informative and an interesting look at our everyday interaction. A good short read but I would be interested in a more in depth look and some deeper psychology in a longer book on this topic.
February 4, 2020
Short book read for my sociology class. Very interesting, especially the first part, but very dated in the author’s view of gender, race, and class. Still, points stand today of our economic system and technology supporting narcissistic communication styles we see and take part in daily.
Want to read
May 2, 2021Referenced in We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter
May 24, 2019
Student literature in New York. Gave insight in sociology (drivers, motivation).
January 13, 2021
Helps you understand that “conversational narcissist” in your life. I found this book very interesting.
July 12, 2023
a good analysis of attention, though fights against its evolutionary utility. there are some points that could have been balanced by its contrary, overall good
February 8, 2008
Really makes you think about how people listen, or don't. A bit strange trying to have a conversation while also trying to analyze its direction. I picked it up mainly because of the word "Attention" in the title, which kind of figures into my spirituality or whatever after I read The Island.
November 28, 2016
This short read is surprisingly full of insight about human interaction and western culture. According to Charles Derber, attention is a commodity--attention is equal to status but the allocation of attention is unequal. I gave this book 4 stars, though, because I thought Derber's doomsday tone of voice was too dramatic and actually took away from the issue itself.
September 5, 2016
Wise, clear, necessary. Attention = power. Power is not shared equitably in families; the workplace; among nations.
After reading this book you will have awakened to things you felt but didn't know why.
After reading this book you will have awakened to things you felt but didn't know why.
Read
September 18, 2012But now need to go back and reread as that was '89 if not mistaken. Given this as a gift (backhanded compliment? hope I have gotten less self-oriented with age!).
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews