Media Moms and Digital Dads: A Fact Not Fear Approach to Parenting in the Digital Age

by Yalda Uhls

A new media was unleashed upon the world and children took to it like ducks to water. Young people everywhere devoured its content, spending hours upon end immersed in it, while simultaneously ignoring the adults in their lives. Parents were understandably alarmed and worried that this new media was ruining young minds. It may surprise you to know that this new media was not the Internet, radio, or television but rather the 19th-century novel. Yes, parents were concerned that reading too much Jane Austin was going to ruin their children.


Fast-forward to today and we are still having the same conversation. Will digital media, in its various forms, ruin our children? In Media Moms & Digital Dads, former film producer turned child psychologist Yalda Uhls cautions parents not to be afraid of the changing state of media but to deal with the realities of how our kids engage with it. The truth is children today spend more time with media than they do with parents or in schools. And as parents, many of us did not have early exposure to the Internet, mobile phones, and gaming, making the world of our children somewhat foreign to us. The key, says Uhls, is to understand the pros and cons of media so that parents can make informed decisions about cause and effect, boundaries and exposure.


Uhls debunks the myths around media by delving into the extensive body of social science research, proving that our kids are all right, and that parents can and must adapt to help their children thrive in the digital age. This ground-breaking book will draw back the curtain and reveal the truth–often surprising and counterintuitive, and other times reassuring–in order to help guide the conversation about our digital age and the future of childhood.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Technology

266 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 27, 2015

Reviews

[Book · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a subject very near to my heart. I have teens of my own and work with kids. There was something for everyone and it wasn't preachy. There were a lot of studies referenced. I enjoyed it and I don't typically enjoy nonfiction.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author does a fantastic job presenting the known research in several topics that we parents are struggling with related to 21st Century technology and our kids: access to devices, social media, technology in education, etc. The book is useful and successful in her analysis of questions from a personal parenting perspective while presenting the available academic research and data in topics to prove or disprove the conventional wisdom, or more often than not, accept that we truly do not know yet the consequences of technology on kids. Her conclusions and assumptions were reassuring and sometimes surprising, both to me and apparently to her as well.

[Lukáš Zorád · Rating 4 out of 5]

Výborná kniha, odporúčam všetkým súčasným rodičom, starým rodičom aj ľuďom, ktorí pracujú vo vzdelávaní od najmenších po najstarších. Autorka podáva veľmi vyvážený pohľad na výchovu a vzdelávanie v digitálnom veku, pričom všetko podopiera doteraz známym výskumom. Ako matka 12 ročnej dcéry často nabúrava aj svoje vlastné predsudky a dobrou správou je, že kniha nie je iba o zlých správach :) Naopak, mnohé veci vás asi prekvapia. Vyšlo aj v českom preklade vo vydavateľstve portál.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book takes a balanced approach to the issue of technology and kids, choosing facts over fears. The book is particularly geared toward parents of teens and pre teens (9 and up) although it does touch on digital media and younger kids, including babies. Social media, video games, and technology in the schools are some of the topics covered. As a parent of three kids, ages 10 and up, I often worry about if and how I should regulate their use of digital technology and I found this book helpful as it relates what is actually known about the impact of technology on kids and does not rely on scare tactics. Unfortunately, the book points out, there is not a lot of research in this area.

My one complaint is that the book glosses over Internet/game addiction.

Disclosure: I win a free copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway.

[Heather Unterseher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read for any parent! It truly is fact based information with some very surprising results! I'm dying to write down some of those surprising results, but then I'd have to click the spoiler alert button. Suffice it to say it validated some of my thoughts on media for kids, but also gave some results that my kids loved.
Easy book. I did it as an audio book and the reader was very good too.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally a book that doesn't send me into a panic attack and then yelling at my kids to stop ruining their lives.

Real info to deal with the reality of today and technology and tips on how to help and support your kids.

Thank you for this book.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic, thoughtful book from an expert in the field.

[Erika RS · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book takes a research based approach to recommend practical advice for parents concerned with the effects of digital media. Overall, the key message is that there is little evidence that technology is harmful. Rather, what matters is how technology is used and what it is taking time away from. Face-to-face social interactions are critical for development at all ages.

I appreciate two things about this book, both captured in the subtitle. Fact: The author cites numerous articles about the effect of technology and also gives fairly detailed (for this sort of book) analysis of when the research is weaker. Not Fear: Uhls takes a balanced approach to thinking about technology. She is neither a technology evangelist nor a fear monger. Overall, I would call her cautiously optimistic. I appreciate this approach, both from a parenting perspective and from a technology perspective.

As someone reasonably well versed in technology and society, a lot of the content was not new to me. Still, there was enough that was new that it was a worthwhile read, and the practical parenting tips were useful. Plus, if nothing else, learning that spatial skills can be taught fairly easily (and with video games!) made it worth the read.

The key findings of the book:

The right approach to technology is one that aligns technology to family values. There is no evidence that kids are doing worse today than in the past and, thus, no reason to believe that technology is inevitably corrupting use.

Screens are not inherently harmful. What is harmful is when screens take away from the face-to-face human interaction that is critical to learning. Like with screen time, the problem with mobile technology is not the technology itself but the time it takes away from other things (e.g., socializing and sleep). Technology does not carry the nuance of real life for social and emotional learning. Digital media does change the brain, but in a contextual, adaptive way, like anything else a person does. There is no evidence that it causes permanent changes in brain structure.

Social media, used well, can be an important tool in helping teens connect to their peers and develop their identity. A downside to social media is that it makes it so that people are nearly constantly engaged in identity management. Constant jockeying for social standing can be harmful. Multitasking is ok on simple tasks, but not complex tasks.

We read more than ever before thanks to the internet. Texting does not harm writing skills, although writing notes by hand may improve comprehension (because forces on-the-fly summarization). Technology alone cannot improve education. Technology with sufficient teacher and technical support can improve classroom outcomes. Video games are probably not bad for kids. There is strong evidence showing that video games can improve spatial skills.

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

This was fine. Had I seen that this was written almost a decade ago I would have found something else for my Read Harder prompt, and because of this I can’t fully recommend it as it is a leeeetle bit out of date. It was also not exactly riveting material, let’s be real.

However, it is generally a balanced work that does not fear-monger, something I can’t stand about the media’s approach to tech media. There are some really decent pieces of advice in here that I will take with me as my children get older. One was giving them access to social media when they ask (and are at the age requirement of the platform) and monitor/coach, verses banning it until a specific age, which can increase risk of doing it secretly. There were some great ideas on managing smart phones too. Generally, I think the best advice this bring is to communicate with your kid without being overbearing or completely dismissive. No problem. 🫠

Despite the goal of being fact based, sometimes a little opinion crept in that had no basis in reality, like selfies being a terrible and narcissistic thing. It felt off-putting to receive the advice to ban selfies for my kids. Nah.

If there was an updated version of this I’d want:

•strategies for parenting and facts on online porn- nada in this book!
•a discussion of the use of media in elections and violent national and world events (hello, this was before the age of Trump)
•more on school shootings, this was super thin here
•TikTok! The social media things were so weirdly outdated after just ten years.
•social media filters and if they have an impact on body image!
•how the pandemic changed our media usage in connections, education, etc. both during and after

Clearly, I want to know more, so if you have a book rec please comment. Also, what would YOU want more research about re modern media?

[Michelle Schlag · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book can be slow to read and heavy with facts but it is absolutely an essential read for parents. I found myself understanding my kids, and myself, a bit better while reading this book. This will be a book I reference back to over my kids teen years I am sure.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[booksbydorothea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a super fast read! It was the type of book that you can take away some good points WHILE reading it and implement them IMMEDIATELY.

This is the type of book where I would really like to sit down with the author with a glass of wine and pick her brain. She is very knowledgeable, experienced, and educated in these issues. I love that she did a wrap-up of takeaway points for each of chapters which made it easy to reinforce the top points for me. Also, about 1/4 of the books is the reference section so the book is a very quick read.

It has given me a lot of food for thought especially as I am a digital immigrant - read the book to find out what THIS means!! It explains SO much!!

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Straightforward, easily digested and pragmatic research driven view on technology and how it fits with both family interaction and children's lives. Encouraged me to hold up a mirror to my family's and my own practices and to think about some of them differently. Love that the layout / structure encourages action / reflection and is so easy to skip around and still get the important bits.

While I have a quibble with how the author seemed to imply causation from correlation when it came to parents who check up on their children more often tend to have children who are more likely to sneak / try to get around their parents tech chaperoning (vs acknowledging that propensity in the children may be why parents are checking up more), it is a minor flaw. There is so much good here and it has gotten me thinking about how different my two children are and ways I may need to modify the approach that (to date) is working well with my older child but seems unlikely to be as viable for my younger.

I especially love that it avoids the media-based fear mongering that tends to accompany the topic of kids and technology. Should be required skimming for any parent who wants to be more thoughtful about technology and its role in the family unit.

[Sinta Nisfuanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Buku ini banyak berbicara tentang penelitian-penelitian media digital, tidak hanya untuk anak tapi segala umur penggunanya, meski semakin ke belakang, pembahasan lebih ditekankan pada anak & remaja. Positif dan negatif dibahas dengan gamblang, beberapa terselip pengalaman pribadi penulis dengan putra/i remajanya. Pembahasan psikologis anak/remaja sedikit dibahas dan tidak mendalam, mungkin karena padatnya penelitian-penelitian yang diberikan sang penulis yang telah bergelar PhD ini.

Pembahasan yang menarik untuk saya, tentang penggunaan teknologi dalam dunia pendidikan dan masalah video game bagi remaja. Saya baru tahu kalau luar negeri sempat membuat program one to one satu teknologi untuk satu anak, WOW! Tapi, berdasarkan penelitian ternyata peningkatan pendidikan tidak signifikan karena tidak adanya bimbingan dari pendidik, padahal sebelum memberikan sebuat teknologi pada anak/remaja, dibutuhkan pembimbingan terlebih dahulu pada keterampilan dan emosi untuk setiap anak. Sedangkan, video game yang selalu diidentikkan dengan kekerasan dan kecanduan ternyata menyimpan manfaat dalam meningkatkan kemampuan spasial dari seorang anak.

[Stefani Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This straight forward, research-based book is a must have for all "digital immigrant" parents raising our "digital natives" in the 21 century. It provides useful information which families can use to establish a healthy and safe environment regarding use of technology. Educators should also read this book to gain better insight as to how to more effectively implement and use technology in schools. Each chapter stands alone so it is easy to use as a reference guide on specific topics. I will be referring back to it over the years to come as my children grow up.

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast read. Has good structure with key point summaries at the end of each chapter. Is a good overview of the latest (at time of publication) research on how various forms of media affect children. The takeaway for me was that research is mixed on the effects for children in many cases, but the truism still holds that engaged interaction with your children yields the greatest benefits no matter the particular media medium (although pre-3 years old, physical story books still are best generally).

[Amanda]

Latest research about how does social media make an impact on children, teens and guardian parenting.

[Martha]

own it

[Sarah Sudduth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Filled with stats, this book is very informative for parents and educators.