Boys of Few Words: Raising Our Sons to Communicate and Connect

by Adam J. Cox

When your son responds to personal questions with a blank stare, or quickly changes the topic, you might chalk it up to “boys will be boys”--but still worry that something is missing in your relationship or troubling your child. You could be right on both counts. Whether your son needs to talk more, or just more effectively, this practical book will help you raise him to communicate and connect. Psychologist Adam Cox helps boys of all ages and their parents work together to overcome the innate brain differences, social pressures, guardedness, and learning and attention problems that often leave males at a communication disadvantage. With Dr. Cox's expert guidance, you can identify the camouflage boys use to deflect attention and learn useful ways to foster self-expression--from engaging preschoolers in imaginative wordplay to using creative conversation starters with sullen teenagers.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

337 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[LucidStyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Cox has a very patient, very knowledgeable voice and walks readers through some of the (for me, suddenly apparent) challenges that parents face as they bring up boys. This book offers real examples of boys and medical/psychological explanation for issues relating to emotional expression, withdrawal, a- or anti-sociability, or learning and attention differences.

Very significant changes in my family led me to borrow this book. My sons are teenagers. Reading this at a younger stage of motherhood may have been helpful for me in being wary of signs and identifying more specifically the turbulence to be endured during the teenage boy years. It answers many questions I had and addressed my disorientation at having an adolescent who became so different from the exuberant and expressive young child I knew.

Quotes:
"Whatever our style, communication is the means by which we teach and come to understand our children. Through communication we form the deep, reciprocal relationships that are life's rewards" (p. 58).

"As parents, our primary concern is to see each boy as an individual and to focus on how his communication is impacted by the broader psychological factors that may shape his life. Some of these factors are best understood as personality traits, while others are better understood as being part of some type of developmental experience, which at least temporarily changes the way boys talk and relate to others" (pp. 61-62).

The reason for withdrawal: It can be true that boys will be most self-conscious with parents or family member who are intimately familiar with their core transformations. They also may be uncomfortable or embarrassed about experiencing the changes they are undergoing. (p. 71)

"Inevitably, there will be times when boys feel less inclined to relate what they are thinking and feeling. When we as parents can be comfortable with the shifting patterns of communication, our sons will be able to normalize their own experiences" (p. 73).

[Alison Wong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Taught me a lot. Not just about my boys but also about my husband.

[Douglas Lord · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clinical psychologist Cox has written a thoughtful book exploring how nature and nurture combine with common "boy" issues like shyness, withdrawal, anger, and aggression to discourage the development of broad, deep, and verbally dexterous social and emotional vocabularies. His detailed real-life examples, suggested interventions for specific situations, and ten principles to help parents focus will help parents mold their sons into skilled communicators. As a result, the boys will be better able to cope with conflict, express themselves, manage stress, and sustain long-lasting relationships. Less how-to and more self-help, this work offers much to contemplate. Though readers may tire of exhortations about the consequences of failing to provide for boys' self-expression, this dense, well-written book will resonate with the same caring, college-educated parents who enjoyed Mark O'Connell's The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family Recommended for large collections especially those serving mental health professionals (especially guidance counselors).

Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super-useful info for me as a mother of a boy. I absolutely support the idea of boys and men having a traditional role in life and marriage but I also want them to be able to communicate to the best of their ability. I was surprised to find that I already do a lot of what this books encourages but I also found that there were some great ideas and thoughts I had never done before. Very helpful and a recommended read for all moms with boys!

[Joyce L · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brillant discussion of male psychology, starting with the youngest boys and through adolescence (and much applies to adults, as well.) Read it and you will understand the boys and men in your life with greater depth and empathy, and learn how to "communicate and connect" much more effectively.

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this in my book club. I cannot remember a lot about it, truthfully, but I do remember that as mothers we respond and touch/hug our girls more than our boys. Author states that boys need this touch just as much as girls do. I've packed that away in my brain.

[Julie Bielman-Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has given me a surprisingly, however accurate description of my son. Where as my daughter is very articulate, Conor is very

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love trying to figure out new ways to get my son involved in communicating effectivly. This book is informative for all boys! I can even understand my husband better now.

[Anne]

A valuable ressource for any parent or teacher concerned in the emotional litteracy of boys.