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The Unicorn-Eater
Darkly Comic Short Story in the Weird World of Splatter Elf
Unicorns aren't always pretty. Sometimes they can be downright ugly.
For bounty hunter and obsessive sword-collector Katzia of Clovenhoof a trail of dead unicorns earns her a chance to gain the legendary blade Wyvernheart. All she has to do is get rid of whatever foul creature keeps eating all the unicorns. When the corpse-laden path leads Katzia and her partner, the mystical Starseer Bathbrady, into the Necrogardenia Woods, it's soon clear that they have a big mess on their hands. Maybe more than the two sword-toting badasses can handle. With tough decisions on her plate, Katzia has to ultimately choose between friendship and shiny swords, the consequences of which have spectacularly bloody results.
This short story is intended for mature audiences due to strong language, smartassery, splattery violence, and general mayhem.
Unicorns aren't always pretty. Sometimes they can be downright ugly.
For bounty hunter and obsessive sword-collector Katzia of Clovenhoof a trail of dead unicorns earns her a chance to gain the legendary blade Wyvernheart. All she has to do is get rid of whatever foul creature keeps eating all the unicorns. When the corpse-laden path leads Katzia and her partner, the mystical Starseer Bathbrady, into the Necrogardenia Woods, it's soon clear that they have a big mess on their hands. Maybe more than the two sword-toting badasses can handle. With tough decisions on her plate, Katzia has to ultimately choose between friendship and shiny swords, the consequences of which have spectacularly bloody results.
This short story is intended for mature audiences due to strong language, smartassery, splattery violence, and general mayhem.
- GenresFantasyShort Stories
43 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 11, 2015
3 people are currently reading
34 people want to read
About the author
Philip Overby
8 books25 followersPhilip Overby is a weird fantasy writer and creator of the world of Splatter Elf. His writing tends to lean towards dark comic fantasy with a twist of bizarre lime. He's interested in 80s cartoons and movies, 90s sitcoms, and anything that pushes the envelope.
He likes monster hunters, weird magic, were-creatures, and undead unicorns. He lives in Kawasaki, Japan with his wife and collection of magic stones.
His Splatter Elf short stories, "The Unicorn Eater" and "River of Blades" are available on Amazon.com for Kindle.
He likes monster hunters, weird magic, were-creatures, and undead unicorns. He lives in Kawasaki, Japan with his wife and collection of magic stones.
His Splatter Elf short stories, "The Unicorn Eater" and "River of Blades" are available on Amazon.com for Kindle.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
February 2, 2017
I'm really glad this took under an hour to read otherwise it might have been a dnf. The story and monsters were well imagined but it just didn't need so much swearing. I thought the author used it as a gimmick to show how 'different' and irreverent the story was. Well it didn't work for me. Shame because if it had been toned right down I could have enjoyed this a lot more.
February 3, 2017
As hilarious as it is bizarre, Overby's first Splatter Elf story is a short, fast-paced intro to a world where just about every fantasy trope is turned inside out... messily.
May 28, 2015
Overby is definitely an author to keep an eye on. I heard about this about a week ago and suspected it would appeal to my darker tendencies. This is intended for older / more mature audiences. (15+) I didn't find the content to be offensive. There was some reoccurring potty humor, language (you've heard worse), & some ridiculously awesome fantastical violence which, as far as I'm concerned is a good thing.
If you're offended by cursing or gore, if you're uptight, a fantasy-animal rights activist ("goblins are people too"), if you can't handle unicorn slaughter, or if you're a five year old little girl, this also is NOT for you.
YOU WILL LOVE THIS if you like Dark (or British) humor, if you appreciate clever quips or one liners, if you're not overly sensitive, if the thought of unicorn blood and guts makes you giggle rather than recoil, if you like experimental lit and or fantasy, if you find (nonpolitical) satire amusing, OR if you're open minded and able to just go with it.
My natural reactions to the piece were (in this precise order) WTF AM I READING? Wait, did he really just say that? And finally, OMFG- this is too perfect.
The comedy in this piece was dark and amazing. Few authors are brazen enough to go to the places Overby has taken us and far fewer are willing to publish it for all to see. Bravo, Mr. Overby. Bravo.
I can't wait to read more.
If you're offended by cursing or gore, if you're uptight, a fantasy-animal rights activist ("goblins are people too"), if you can't handle unicorn slaughter, or if you're a five year old little girl, this also is NOT for you.
YOU WILL LOVE THIS if you like Dark (or British) humor, if you appreciate clever quips or one liners, if you're not overly sensitive, if the thought of unicorn blood and guts makes you giggle rather than recoil, if you like experimental lit and or fantasy, if you find (nonpolitical) satire amusing, OR if you're open minded and able to just go with it.
My natural reactions to the piece were (in this precise order) WTF AM I READING? Wait, did he really just say that? And finally, OMFG- this is too perfect.
The comedy in this piece was dark and amazing. Few authors are brazen enough to go to the places Overby has taken us and far fewer are willing to publish it for all to see. Bravo, Mr. Overby. Bravo.
I can't wait to read more.
October 22, 2017
Full review is here, on my blog!
I’ve got three words to describe this one. L O L. Katzia is a half-elf bounty hunter and collector of just about any sword she can get her hands on. In this story, she is promised a very special sword if she would just kindly get rid of whatever keeps killing all the unicorns. She’s pretty sure that the monster in question is on the world’s list of the 13 worst monsters ever, and that’s never really stopped her before… and I mean… sword!!!
So, she takes her partner Bathbrady, who looks at the stars to determine strategies, and they follow the trail of sparkly unicorn entrails to the monster.
But… it’s not exactly the monster they thought it was… because the monster they thought it was doesn’t have tentacles… and this monster definitely, definitely has tentacles.
This was a well written, fun as hell, snarky as fuck, swear-tacular, rollicking romp through the Necrogardenia Woods (which sounds totally like a place everyone should go. I mean, I’m not saying that I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely), and I had quite a few laughs, which were sorely needed! Katzia is as foul mouthed and snarky as I could ever dream of. She and I could be bffs, for reals.
This one takes less than an hour to read and it’s worth every second of your time.
I’ve got three words to describe this one. L O L. Katzia is a half-elf bounty hunter and collector of just about any sword she can get her hands on. In this story, she is promised a very special sword if she would just kindly get rid of whatever keeps killing all the unicorns. She’s pretty sure that the monster in question is on the world’s list of the 13 worst monsters ever, and that’s never really stopped her before… and I mean… sword!!!
So, she takes her partner Bathbrady, who looks at the stars to determine strategies, and they follow the trail of sparkly unicorn entrails to the monster.
But… it’s not exactly the monster they thought it was… because the monster they thought it was doesn’t have tentacles… and this monster definitely, definitely has tentacles.
This was a well written, fun as hell, snarky as fuck, swear-tacular, rollicking romp through the Necrogardenia Woods (which sounds totally like a place everyone should go. I mean, I’m not saying that I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely), and I had quite a few laughs, which were sorely needed! Katzia is as foul mouthed and snarky as I could ever dream of. She and I could be bffs, for reals.
This one takes less than an hour to read and it’s worth every second of your time.
August 4, 2017
Riotous good fun!
I really enjoyed this short story. It instantly runs amok in a hysterically realized jumble of fantastic beasts, career bounty hunters, dead forests and rolling cities. It's loaded with snarky dialogue between the oddest characters, and kicks off with a trail of unicorn entrails. Overby doesn't pull any punches so there's no shying from graphic mutilation and strong language. A totally fun ride.
I really enjoyed this short story. It instantly runs amok in a hysterically realized jumble of fantastic beasts, career bounty hunters, dead forests and rolling cities. It's loaded with snarky dialogue between the oddest characters, and kicks off with a trail of unicorn entrails. Overby doesn't pull any punches so there's no shying from graphic mutilation and strong language. A totally fun ride.
February 21, 2018
Now that was refreshing! And a very much needed break from the norm.
If you like a little humor in your fantasy you need to read this. The story plays out like an RPG, and I freakin' love that--the main character is a sword collecting bounty hunter (of the monster variety) who teams up with unlikely allies in an attempt to obtain an awesome sword as her reward.
There's blood, jokes, colorful characters, unicorns (they don't last very long...), crazy monsters that you'd never dream up, even crazier names but memorable, awesome weapons, and all in a fairly quick read (I actually wouldn't mind if it were a bit longer).
I thoroughly enjoyed this and will definitely be following this series. I'm officially a Splatter Elf fan!
If you like a little humor in your fantasy you need to read this. The story plays out like an RPG, and I freakin' love that--the main character is a sword collecting bounty hunter (of the monster variety) who teams up with unlikely allies in an attempt to obtain an awesome sword as her reward.
There's blood, jokes, colorful characters, unicorns (they don't last very long...), crazy monsters that you'd never dream up, even crazier names but memorable, awesome weapons, and all in a fairly quick read (I actually wouldn't mind if it were a bit longer).
I thoroughly enjoyed this and will definitely be following this series. I'm officially a Splatter Elf fan!
June 8, 2015
As an introduction to a new and unique sub-genre (or however it can be described) of Fantasy, this was a great tale. Overby allows his characters to stand front and centre, giving the reader shades of detail and info so that the characters fully inhabit the story and setting, as uniquely as a swearing half-elf and a Starseer can. He also hints at a larger world, filled with crazy hunters, weird deities and even crazier monsters - damned well done, this being a short story. I'm definitely looking forward to more Splatter Elf!
June 30, 2015
The unicorn eater was a fun, fast-paced romp through the world of weirdness.
What I loved:The snark of the main character Katzia. She was strong and awesome.
The dark-skinned 60-year-old hunter with kidney problems. Priceless.
I can't wait for the next story.
What I loved:The snark of the main character Katzia. She was strong and awesome.
The dark-skinned 60-year-old hunter with kidney problems. Priceless.
I can't wait for the next story.
November 11, 2016
This is a dark, violent and funny take on classic high fantasy. There are elves, half-goblins, unicorns and assorted monsters, many of them fighting each other to the death. Lots of swearing and blood, so be forewarned if those kinds of things offend you. If those kinds of things make you laugh, then this is probably for you. It's a bit shorter than I expected, but that makes for a fun, fast read. Definitely worth checking out if you like elvish warrior women slathered in gore and spouting profanity.
August 7, 2017
Crude, violent and hilarious, and those are all very good things.
The Unicorn-Eater is Philip Overby's first official foray into the darker-than-Grimdark world of Splatter-Elf, and it was more successful than most of the heroine Katzia's monster hunts.
The characters are well-developed and painfully flawed. The aforementioned half-elf Katzia is driven by an unhealthy desire to please her father (and to build a better sword collection than him), taking on ridiculous quests and deadly missions to hunt dangerous beasts. Her companion Bathbrady, a powerful "Starseer" capable of awesome feats of precognition but plagued by debilitating kidney stones. Their half-goblin guide Dunwig, who has an unpleasant obsession to touch dead things. A hilariously broken and argumentative group all around.
Not to say The Unicorn-Eater is for everyone. The language is vulgar and the descriptions of gore and violence are explicit, but both veer so far past the edge of appropriate that it teeters in the realm of sublime parody.
Such is the true theme of Splatter-Elf. It revels in its own ridiculous, over the top vulgarity. It's not cruel or vile, it's goofy and gory and gut-punchingly great. If you've got a sense of humour about unicorns having their entrails pulled out, then this is the book for you!
The Unicorn-Eater is Philip Overby's first official foray into the darker-than-Grimdark world of Splatter-Elf, and it was more successful than most of the heroine Katzia's monster hunts.
The characters are well-developed and painfully flawed. The aforementioned half-elf Katzia is driven by an unhealthy desire to please her father (and to build a better sword collection than him), taking on ridiculous quests and deadly missions to hunt dangerous beasts. Her companion Bathbrady, a powerful "Starseer" capable of awesome feats of precognition but plagued by debilitating kidney stones. Their half-goblin guide Dunwig, who has an unpleasant obsession to touch dead things. A hilariously broken and argumentative group all around.
Not to say The Unicorn-Eater is for everyone. The language is vulgar and the descriptions of gore and violence are explicit, but both veer so far past the edge of appropriate that it teeters in the realm of sublime parody.
Such is the true theme of Splatter-Elf. It revels in its own ridiculous, over the top vulgarity. It's not cruel or vile, it's goofy and gory and gut-punchingly great. If you've got a sense of humour about unicorns having their entrails pulled out, then this is the book for you!
August 13, 2015
The author has created a fascinating world that we only get a glimpse of in this first story, but enough to make me want to read more.
I like the strong female character and, in fact, that all the characters are not just 'good' or 'bad' - they have different facets to their personalities.
There is swearing and gore, but not intrusively, though I had the feeling that the author had deliberately inserted swearing to make the characters badass. It felt a bit contrived to me. Some other readers have commented that it made them laugh out loud. Not me. Again, attempts at humour (kidney stones? really?) seemed contrived.
The story itself was like any good short story in that it had a beginning, middle and end with plenty of action in between. Although self-contained, it made me want to know what happens next: it's essentially a quest type story.
It took me approximately 30 minutes to read (if that) and I have bought the next story too, so that's ready to fill some gap in my day.
I like the strong female character and, in fact, that all the characters are not just 'good' or 'bad' - they have different facets to their personalities.
There is swearing and gore, but not intrusively, though I had the feeling that the author had deliberately inserted swearing to make the characters badass. It felt a bit contrived to me. Some other readers have commented that it made them laugh out loud. Not me. Again, attempts at humour (kidney stones? really?) seemed contrived.
The story itself was like any good short story in that it had a beginning, middle and end with plenty of action in between. Although self-contained, it made me want to know what happens next: it's essentially a quest type story.
It took me approximately 30 minutes to read (if that) and I have bought the next story too, so that's ready to fill some gap in my day.
February 6, 2017
This is not a series I would have ordinarily gravitated toward, but I enjoy the author's podcast (The Grim Tidings podcast) and he was running a promo, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm glad I did! I like humor and fantasy, but usually not together. Philip delivers in both categories. Looking forward to continuing the series.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews