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Not Me
Not Me is a remarkable debut novel that tells the dramatic and surprising stories of two men–father and son–through sixty years of uncertain memory, distorted history, and assumed identity.
When Heshel Rosenheim, apparently suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, hands his son, Michael, a box of moldy old journals, an amazing adventure begins–one that takes the reader from the concentration camps of Poland to an improbable love story during the battle for Palestine, from a cancer ward in New Jersey to a hopeless marriage in San Francisco. The journals, which seem to tell the story of Heshel’s life, are so harrowing, so riveting, so passionate, and so perplexing that Michael becomes obsessed with discovering the truth about his father.
As Michael struggles to come to grips with his father’s elusive past, a world of complex and disturbing possibilities opens up to him–a world in which an accomplice to genocide may have turned into a virtuous Jew and a young man cannot recall murdering the person he loves most; a world in which truth is fiction and fiction is truth and one man’s terrible–or triumphant–transformation calls history itself into question. Michael must then solve the biggest riddle of all: Who am I?
Intense, vivid, funny, and entirely original, Not Me is an unsparing and unforgettable examination of faith, history, identity, and love.
From the Hardcover edition.
When Heshel Rosenheim, apparently suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, hands his son, Michael, a box of moldy old journals, an amazing adventure begins–one that takes the reader from the concentration camps of Poland to an improbable love story during the battle for Palestine, from a cancer ward in New Jersey to a hopeless marriage in San Francisco. The journals, which seem to tell the story of Heshel’s life, are so harrowing, so riveting, so passionate, and so perplexing that Michael becomes obsessed with discovering the truth about his father.
As Michael struggles to come to grips with his father’s elusive past, a world of complex and disturbing possibilities opens up to him–a world in which an accomplice to genocide may have turned into a virtuous Jew and a young man cannot recall murdering the person he loves most; a world in which truth is fiction and fiction is truth and one man’s terrible–or triumphant–transformation calls history itself into question. Michael must then solve the biggest riddle of all: Who am I?
Intense, vivid, funny, and entirely original, Not Me is an unsparing and unforgettable examination of faith, history, identity, and love.
From the Hardcover edition.
336 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2005
185 people are currently reading
3469 people want to read
About the author
Michael Lavigne
5 books20 followersMichael Lavigne was born in New Jersey. He currently lives in California with his wife.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 335 reviews
May 21, 2009
I’m the first to say it. The Holocaust genre is way oversaturated. When I read “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,” I was filled with rage that this was what it had come to – a cheap, gimmicky, and frankly stupid book written simply to capitalize on the marketability of the Holocaust. But every now and then, I do end up reading a Holocaust-related book that has something interesting and different about it and is worth reading even though it’s Holocaust lit. “The Book Thief.” “Those Who Save Us.” And now, this one which has become my recent favorite – “Not Me.”
“Not Me,” aside from enjoyable writing and deft characterization, has a gripping premise. Michael Rosenheim is a stand-up comedian who performs under the name Mickey Rose. Like many comics, his personal life is unhappy and desolate – he’s divorced from his ex-wife whom he still loves, has difficulty staying connected with his child, has lost his mother and sister, and his father is now dying of Alzheimer’s. Michael is also conflicted about his Jewish identity – it makes great comic fodder but not much else, and he resents the excess reminders of his Judaism that fill his father’s apartment – knickknacks and honors from a wide array of Jewish organizations. His father, Heschel Rosenheim, is considered one of the all-time great Jews, a Holocaust survivor who has always been unusually devoted and generous with his time when it came to Jewish causes, and Michael just doesn’t get it.
In one of his increasingly sporadic lucid moments, Michael’s Alzheimer’s-ridden father hands him a box of 24 journals he apparently wrote, although it’s the first Michael is hearing of it and it’s not even clear where the journals materialized from at this time. When Michael reluctantly decides to read them, he is shocked to find a third-person story in his father’s handwriting written about someone with his father’s name who was in fact in the camps, but as an SS officer named Heinrich Mueller. Fearing the oncoming liberation, Heinrich Mueller decided to starve himself for three weeks, tattoo a number onto his arm, and steal the uniform and identity of a dead concentration camp victim – Heshel Rosenheim – so as to avoid getting caught on the wrong side by the liberators. In a sequence of events that is almost comic in its irony, this former SS officer then follows a very Jewish trajectory – DP Camp and then Palestine, where he becomes a kibbutz leader (in a passage which cracked me up, this German decides to whisk those disorganized Jews into shape) and later a freedom fighter for the emerging state of Israel. Although Mueller/Rosenheim secretly still dislikes Jews and plots ways to join the Arab side, he ends up digging himself deeper and deeper and escape seems impossible as he becomes further entrenched in his new identity.
But is this man Michael’s father? It’s hard to tell, because every time Michael tries to confront his father on this, his father slips into an Alzheimer’s-induced fugue. The most Michael’s father will say about the Heinrich Mueller/Heschel Rosenheim of the journals is, “That was not me,” which could mean any number of things – that the journals are fiction, that Michael’s father insists on denying their truth despite his having documented it in this form, or that he is simply suffering Alzheimer’s and no longer remembers. Naturally, Michael becomes increasingly anxious to learn his father’s true identity, and as a reader, I felt swept up in this quest myself. More murky secrets about Michael’s past and family gradually come to consciousness, and the complexity increases. Equally gripping, though, was the story taking place in Michael’s father’s journals of an SS officer posing as a Palmach member, terrified of being recognized by survivors of his camp, constantly wavering about whether to go over to the Arab side even as he leads his groups in the War of Independence.
The ending is powerful, a bit speculative but not disappointingly so. Overall, my reservations re. Holocaust lit. notwithstanding, I found this book moving and very thought-provoking, and I highly recommend it.
“Not Me,” aside from enjoyable writing and deft characterization, has a gripping premise. Michael Rosenheim is a stand-up comedian who performs under the name Mickey Rose. Like many comics, his personal life is unhappy and desolate – he’s divorced from his ex-wife whom he still loves, has difficulty staying connected with his child, has lost his mother and sister, and his father is now dying of Alzheimer’s. Michael is also conflicted about his Jewish identity – it makes great comic fodder but not much else, and he resents the excess reminders of his Judaism that fill his father’s apartment – knickknacks and honors from a wide array of Jewish organizations. His father, Heschel Rosenheim, is considered one of the all-time great Jews, a Holocaust survivor who has always been unusually devoted and generous with his time when it came to Jewish causes, and Michael just doesn’t get it.
In one of his increasingly sporadic lucid moments, Michael’s Alzheimer’s-ridden father hands him a box of 24 journals he apparently wrote, although it’s the first Michael is hearing of it and it’s not even clear where the journals materialized from at this time. When Michael reluctantly decides to read them, he is shocked to find a third-person story in his father’s handwriting written about someone with his father’s name who was in fact in the camps, but as an SS officer named Heinrich Mueller. Fearing the oncoming liberation, Heinrich Mueller decided to starve himself for three weeks, tattoo a number onto his arm, and steal the uniform and identity of a dead concentration camp victim – Heshel Rosenheim – so as to avoid getting caught on the wrong side by the liberators. In a sequence of events that is almost comic in its irony, this former SS officer then follows a very Jewish trajectory – DP Camp and then Palestine, where he becomes a kibbutz leader (in a passage which cracked me up, this German decides to whisk those disorganized Jews into shape) and later a freedom fighter for the emerging state of Israel. Although Mueller/Rosenheim secretly still dislikes Jews and plots ways to join the Arab side, he ends up digging himself deeper and deeper and escape seems impossible as he becomes further entrenched in his new identity.
But is this man Michael’s father? It’s hard to tell, because every time Michael tries to confront his father on this, his father slips into an Alzheimer’s-induced fugue. The most Michael’s father will say about the Heinrich Mueller/Heschel Rosenheim of the journals is, “That was not me,” which could mean any number of things – that the journals are fiction, that Michael’s father insists on denying their truth despite his having documented it in this form, or that he is simply suffering Alzheimer’s and no longer remembers. Naturally, Michael becomes increasingly anxious to learn his father’s true identity, and as a reader, I felt swept up in this quest myself. More murky secrets about Michael’s past and family gradually come to consciousness, and the complexity increases. Equally gripping, though, was the story taking place in Michael’s father’s journals of an SS officer posing as a Palmach member, terrified of being recognized by survivors of his camp, constantly wavering about whether to go over to the Arab side even as he leads his groups in the War of Independence.
The ending is powerful, a bit speculative but not disappointingly so. Overall, my reservations re. Holocaust lit. notwithstanding, I found this book moving and very thought-provoking, and I highly recommend it.
February 4, 2009
Sometimes beautiful, sometimes harrowing, but always intriguing, this novel asks questions that can't be easily answered: Can sixty years of good deeds atone for a past in which a person committed the worst crimes imaginable? Can people truly change who they are, and if they do, does it matter anymore who they were? Can a person be excused from wrongdoing if they really believed it was right? Is there anything you wouldn't forgive the people you love the most?
March 14, 2013
--Tender -- satisfying 4.5 rating!!!!
--Funny at appropriate times -- (a few great laughs)
--Insightful -- heartfelt -powerful
Father-son-Father-son-(old age, middle age, young boy, Alzheimer's, Holocaust,
San Francisco -- to Florida...
Wonderful characters -- (dialogue communications).
I absolutely fell in love with the little old ladies who bought Michael a ticket to attend temple services on Yom Kippur.
Oh MY GOSH, they had a WOMAN Rabbi. :)
The older generation "got use to her".....(I'm still smiling and laughing). .....and 'loved her'
OH VEY!
Wonderful book!
--Funny at appropriate times -- (a few great laughs)
--Insightful -- heartfelt -powerful
Father-son-Father-son-(old age, middle age, young boy, Alzheimer's, Holocaust,
San Francisco -- to Florida...
Wonderful characters -- (dialogue communications).
I absolutely fell in love with the little old ladies who bought Michael a ticket to attend temple services on Yom Kippur.
Oh MY GOSH, they had a WOMAN Rabbi. :)
The older generation "got use to her".....(I'm still smiling and laughing). .....and 'loved her'
OH VEY!
Wonderful book!
April 21, 2023
Yes it is yet another holocaust book. But the complexities of the holocaust are not exhaustible.
December 27, 2009
Interesting story of a Jewish man (Michael) who travels to Florida to care for his dying father. Upon one visit he's given a box of journals written out by his father. He picks up the first and begins to read a story where his father was not Hershel Rosenheim, a Holocaust survivor, but began life as Heinrich Mueller, an SS officer working as an accountant at Majdanek concentration camp who steals a Jewish victim's identity to avoid being charged with war crimes. Michael wonders if this is really his father's story, and who left him the journals? He begins to try to piece together his family's history.
This was an interesting, well told story with just a few minor problems. For one thing, there were a few areas in the story where the author seems to get intentionally crude. These parts took me out of the story because there didn't seem to be a good reason for their inclusion. For another, the mystery of his family's history is only partially resolved at the end. After all the investigating and angst, there is no big "AHA!" moment. But this book does do something that many others fail at -- offering a different take on the suffering of the Jewish people during the Holocaust. Three and a half stars.
This was an interesting, well told story with just a few minor problems. For one thing, there were a few areas in the story where the author seems to get intentionally crude. These parts took me out of the story because there didn't seem to be a good reason for their inclusion. For another, the mystery of his family's history is only partially resolved at the end. After all the investigating and angst, there is no big "AHA!" moment. But this book does do something that many others fail at -- offering a different take on the suffering of the Jewish people during the Holocaust. Three and a half stars.
November 1, 2015
At first I wasnt taken by Michaels character but as the novel progresses he is growing on me.
I am liking the flow of this story. and the journals are interesting and thought provoking.
The premise that Heinrich/Heshel could have hidden his past from his family is intriguing.The journals disturbing details bring to mind many issues that his son must now deal in order to work out who his father really is.
So I finished reading tonight (01112015) and was a bit disappointed with the ending
I feell it was built up and then not brought to a realistic logical end..3.5 stars...
I am liking the flow of this story. and the journals are interesting and thought provoking.
The premise that Heinrich/Heshel could have hidden his past from his family is intriguing.The journals disturbing details bring to mind many issues that his son must now deal in order to work out who his father really is.
So I finished reading tonight (01112015) and was a bit disappointed with the ending
I feell it was built up and then not brought to a realistic logical end..3.5 stars...
June 14, 2018
Great premise, very disappointing execution. Michael Rosenheim goes to Florida to visit his elderly father, Heschel, who is dying and has Alzheimer's disease. One day, Michael finds a journal suggesting his father may not be a Holocaust survivor, but Heinrich Muller, a former SS officer! This book was a lot different than what I expected, and I mean that in a negative way. Based on the summary, I expected it to be some kind of thriller/family drama. Instead, it was very halfbaked literary fiction with dozens of subplots that go nowhere. Hooray!
I did not find Michael a very compelling protagonist. He was whiny, constantly made excuses for himself, and was just generally annoying. I did not want to be inside his head for 250 pages. Many intentionally unlikable characters have been written before, but these can be very hard to pull off. I'm not sure if that's what Lavigne was aiming for or not. He tries to present Michael as this flawed everyman, which I understand and appreciate, except he seemingly has no positive qualities at all. He cheats on his wife not once but twice and tries to justify it, and avoids spending time with his son. Who he admits he could have done a better job raising.
I think Lavigne wanted to give him some kind of arc, that much is clear. The book ends with Michael preparing for his father's funeral and implying he'll become more religious. This kind of threw me for a loop, since there really weren't a lot of religious/spiritual themes in this book. But, that aside, I feel like Michael didn't really change much, if at all. Religious or not, he'll continue to be a terrible person and negligent father/husband.
Then there's Heschel Rosenheim/Heinrich Muller. He's ostensibly our true main character, but we know next to nothing about him. Nothing about his character arc makes any sense. An SS officer disguising himself as a Jew would work for a short-term solution, but why pretend for over 50 years? Why didn't he just escape to South America while he had the chance? Furthermore, I really can't believe a former Nazi would fall in love with a Jewish woman and fight in the Israeli army. Did Heinrich secretly sympathize with Jews? Did he never really believe in Nazi ideology? Of course, we don't know!
Supposedly, Heinrich/Heschel is so driven by guilt and remorse he spends the next 60 years as a pillar of the Jewish community. But why didn't he admit the truth and stand trial for his past crimes? That would have been the morally-right thing to do. And supposedly he had a family. What happened to them? Did they try looking for him over the years, did he let them know he was still alive? This was never explored, much to my extreme frustration.
As I mentioned earlier, there are a number of subplots that simply go nowhere and are left unresolved. They include:
*What happened to the real Heschel Rosenheim's son? Is he alive or dead?
*Are the journals really true, or is Michael's father just suffering from dementia?
*Is his father saner than he lets on?
*Michael's relationship with his estranged son
*The mysterious death of his sister, Karen
This last plot point is particularly stupid. I can't believe he could just repress something so important for so long, and create these elaborate false memories about the situation. That's just so STUPID I can't put it into words. Actually that's a good descriptor for this book as a whole.
Besides our two protagonists, I didn't like any of the characters in this book. They were all one or two-dimensional and lacking in depth. Michael's wife and son, for instance, have no impact on the overall story. Neither do any of the other secondary characters, for that matter. In particular, I couldn't stand Moskovitz. She only existed to be a love interest. Again, characters as plot devices can actually work. But Moskovitz had no depth and very little personality; and I was annoyed whenever she threw herself at Heinrich. Had this been any other character, maybe I would have felt sad. But Moskovitz was fucking annoying, and a Satellite Love Interest at that.
Then it's implied Michael's mother, Lily, knew the truth of her husband's past but never told anyone. Infuriatingly, this revelation only happens right before the end of the book, far too late for it to have any impact. In conclusion, Not Me was one big wasted opportunity. Another reviewer suggested Michael (and the book itself) was morally-bankrupt for suggesting his father was somehow absolved of his crimes. Why? Because he pretended to be a Jew for several decades! I fucking hated this book. Morally-bankrupt is a fitting yet also way too nice descriptor.
I did not find Michael a very compelling protagonist. He was whiny, constantly made excuses for himself, and was just generally annoying. I did not want to be inside his head for 250 pages. Many intentionally unlikable characters have been written before, but these can be very hard to pull off. I'm not sure if that's what Lavigne was aiming for or not. He tries to present Michael as this flawed everyman, which I understand and appreciate, except he seemingly has no positive qualities at all. He cheats on his wife not once but twice and tries to justify it, and avoids spending time with his son. Who he admits he could have done a better job raising.
I think Lavigne wanted to give him some kind of arc, that much is clear. The book ends with Michael preparing for his father's funeral and implying he'll become more religious. This kind of threw me for a loop, since there really weren't a lot of religious/spiritual themes in this book. But, that aside, I feel like Michael didn't really change much, if at all. Religious or not, he'll continue to be a terrible person and negligent father/husband.
Then there's Heschel Rosenheim/Heinrich Muller. He's ostensibly our true main character, but we know next to nothing about him. Nothing about his character arc makes any sense. An SS officer disguising himself as a Jew would work for a short-term solution, but why pretend for over 50 years? Why didn't he just escape to South America while he had the chance? Furthermore, I really can't believe a former Nazi would fall in love with a Jewish woman and fight in the Israeli army. Did Heinrich secretly sympathize with Jews? Did he never really believe in Nazi ideology? Of course, we don't know!
Supposedly, Heinrich/Heschel is so driven by guilt and remorse he spends the next 60 years as a pillar of the Jewish community. But why didn't he admit the truth and stand trial for his past crimes? That would have been the morally-right thing to do. And supposedly he had a family. What happened to them? Did they try looking for him over the years, did he let them know he was still alive? This was never explored, much to my extreme frustration.
As I mentioned earlier, there are a number of subplots that simply go nowhere and are left unresolved. They include:
*What happened to the real Heschel Rosenheim's son? Is he alive or dead?
*Are the journals really true, or is Michael's father just suffering from dementia?
*Is his father saner than he lets on?
*Michael's relationship with his estranged son
*The mysterious death of his sister, Karen
This last plot point is particularly stupid. I can't believe he could just repress something so important for so long, and create these elaborate false memories about the situation. That's just so STUPID I can't put it into words. Actually that's a good descriptor for this book as a whole.
Besides our two protagonists, I didn't like any of the characters in this book. They were all one or two-dimensional and lacking in depth. Michael's wife and son, for instance, have no impact on the overall story. Neither do any of the other secondary characters, for that matter. In particular, I couldn't stand Moskovitz. She only existed to be a love interest. Again, characters as plot devices can actually work. But Moskovitz had no depth and very little personality; and I was annoyed whenever she threw herself at Heinrich. Had this been any other character, maybe I would have felt sad. But Moskovitz was fucking annoying, and a Satellite Love Interest at that.
Then it's implied Michael's mother, Lily, knew the truth of her husband's past but never told anyone. Infuriatingly, this revelation only happens right before the end of the book, far too late for it to have any impact. In conclusion, Not Me was one big wasted opportunity. Another reviewer suggested Michael (and the book itself) was morally-bankrupt for suggesting his father was somehow absolved of his crimes. Why? Because he pretended to be a Jew for several decades! I fucking hated this book. Morally-bankrupt is a fitting yet also way too nice descriptor.
May 16, 2013
This is a complete fairy tale. While the story was interesting, it was completely unbelievable. Anyone who has lived with or been intimately involved with Holocaust survivors knows that no SS member would ever live with or fight for the Jews. The story was plausible during the part where he starved himself and took on the identity of a Jewish inmate. However, once he got out of the Reich territory, he would have found his way to the SS Nazi network and would have been spirited away to a South American country or even the US or Canada with forged papers. He certainly wouldn't have remained in Palestine and fought for statehood for Israel.
Even if I could accept the premise that he fought for Israel, why remain a committed Jew in the US? Not only a committed Jew, but an organizer and supporter of Jewish causes? I like books that have moral ambiguity such as "Those Who Save Us" but those characters were fleshed out and given backgrounds so that you could understand their actions. In this book there was no background for the SS "Heschel". Where was the SS commander's real family? Did he not try to contact them at all during his lifetime? There was no context in this book and therefore no understanding of his motives. I was deeply disappointed and angry after reading this book.
Even if I could accept the premise that he fought for Israel, why remain a committed Jew in the US? Not only a committed Jew, but an organizer and supporter of Jewish causes? I like books that have moral ambiguity such as "Those Who Save Us" but those characters were fleshed out and given backgrounds so that you could understand their actions. In this book there was no background for the SS "Heschel". Where was the SS commander's real family? Did he not try to contact them at all during his lifetime? There was no context in this book and therefore no understanding of his motives. I was deeply disappointed and angry after reading this book.
November 25, 2012
Not Me is a compelling novel on so many levels. For me it was a metaphor for self identity, sin and change, and the superficial roles that one plays in order to move on with their life and flee from the consequences of their actions.
Heshel learned that fleeing only negates the truth, which followed him everywhere he went. Within the context of the self identity are the themes of love, loss, forgiveness and redemption. The blur between forgiveness and redemption is obvious in the way Lavigne writes. Michael is torn between his new found knowledge and his love for his father. He is a man who is floundering. He is torn between the truth and the superficiality of his childhood. He is torn between who he truly is and what he is.
It is also a study in the father-son relationship, and is a unique Holocaust story. It is a book that is fascinating, compelling, insightful, poignant and comical, and one that I highly recommend.
Heshel learned that fleeing only negates the truth, which followed him everywhere he went. Within the context of the self identity are the themes of love, loss, forgiveness and redemption. The blur between forgiveness and redemption is obvious in the way Lavigne writes. Michael is torn between his new found knowledge and his love for his father. He is a man who is floundering. He is torn between the truth and the superficiality of his childhood. He is torn between who he truly is and what he is.
It is also a study in the father-son relationship, and is a unique Holocaust story. It is a book that is fascinating, compelling, insightful, poignant and comical, and one that I highly recommend.
December 20, 2009
I liked the idea of this novel, but unfortunately I wasn't as impressed with the actual storytelling. Michael Rosenheim is a stand up comedian who is suffering through the breakup of his marriage, the strained relationship with his son, and the deterioration of his father. He comes to Florida to care for his father, who vacillates between lucidity and dementia, and discovers his father's long buried secret about his past. Through detailed journals, his father tells the story of being an SS officer in Germany who, anticipating the end of the war, steals the identity of a Jew and ends up living the rest of his life as Heshel Rosenheim, model Jew and citizen in the United States. It just doesn't work as well as I hoped it would - but it still was a quick and easy read, perfect for a snowstorm like yesterday.
April 26, 2013
I read a lot of WWII books and the description of this book really caught my attention. The Father in this book is an accountant basically in a concentration camp and fearing the end is near, shaves his head, tattoos himself and pretends he is one of the Jews needing saving from this camp. What an interesting story line.....I just wish the rest of the book could have been as interesting. The book had no likeable characters in it and ended with too many unresolved issues for my liking. All in all it was "OK" book at best. I will likely not seek out more books by this author.
November 10, 2011
this book has been on my TBR pile for 3-4 years and i finally picked it up as my book club chose it as a last minute choice. so glad the dice rolled that way as this was a well told, interesting book that bristled with a touch of mystery while really examining secrets, family relationships, love and loss.
highly recommend.
highly recommend.
April 19, 2019
I was completely buying this premise until the midpoint in the book. In fact, the more I read this, the more I felt like I had read it before. It turns out, I had read "Pursuit" by Robert Fish , a thriller which featured...wait for it...an SS officer at the end of WWII who disguises himself as a Jew to escape prosecution for war crimes. I remember liking the thriller much more than this and there were some amazing similarities between the two.
July 6, 2022
Fascinating plot, horrendous writing. I wanted this to be an all-time favorite so badly, but the inner monologue style made that impossible.
June 26, 2025
I'm not sure how I didn't know about this book. I read it for my new book club and was enthralled. It tells two stories, one of the narrator, a comedian who is caring for his ailing father, and another story, told through the father's journals. To divulge what is in the journals would be to give away the mystery and intrigue of the book, but it asks questions and proposes possibilities that turn the narrator's life and thoughts upside down. I felt the book told both stories equally well and created a believable situation of caring for one's ailing parents in Florida, divulging family secrets that may or may not be true, and reliving grief and our own secrets in a compelling narrative. I enjoyed the deep immersion into Florida Jewish retirement homes and gossip, and the story line about his sister Karen. Both of these were funny and heartbreaking and a true juxtaposition against the stories being told by the father in his journals.
May 15, 2018
Each time I finish a novel that I love or hate, I find myself reading other reviews before I write my own because I genuinely want to see if someone else thought the same things, had the same impressions, felt the same emotional impact that I did and to discover commonalities in why we agree or disagree on something.
First, I loved this novel. For many reasons. Mostly because it's intelligent and thought provoking and it captures the essence, to me, of what embodies good literature- that blend of tragedy and comedy that lets us delve deep into the mysteries of human behavior and to come to the realization that it's absolutely okay that we don't understand everything, that it's impossible to, and that as we all go about our lives trying to figure it all out that darkness and evil co-exist with light and goodness. That's just the way it is and we go about our lives doing the best we can in a moment. To me, it is nothing short of triumphant that Lavigne can do this. Not many writers have the gift or craft to do this.
I've seen reviews that belittle the humour in this novel. That's something I don't understand at all. Life is absurd. Making sense of it makes no sense sometimes, but we laugh, we live, we survive. I applaud that Lavigne has the writing chops and thoughtfulness to tell a story that embraces the messy lives we live, the bad choices we make, that it's possible to want to make amends and to rectify wrongs, even if societally, it seems human behavior is without morality or ethical standards, that individually there is still hope for change, for betterment. He does all of this gorgeously. Lavigne is obviously someone who hasn't forgotten the classics. He writes with purpose and intention and it shows and I'm so grateful for that.
The writing is sound. The characters are all well-developed. All of them express the duality of human nature and how easily it can be shaped and changed. There are many themes to explore in this novel. Who are we collectively that genocide has always and will always happen? How do we individually fit into creating such a dark machine? Who are we as self? What actually is identity? Is it possible to learn from the past? Is it possible to atone for our mistakes- truly? Is it possible for us to change? Lavigne explores all of the big philosophical questions of- who am I? what am I? why am I? what is life? what does life mean? where do I fit into this thing called life?- in this novel and he does it with excellence.
I'm also put off by the reviewers who insist on labeling this a Holocaust novel. This novel is so much more than that. The themes, the ideas and explorations in this novel transcend the outline the author chose to frame them in. It's a universal tale of the human condition and could just have easily been set in contemporary times in any cultural setting of a man discovering his father was something other than what he'd always known. I personally hate books being labeled, categorized or regionalized. It underlines perfectly how prejudice and separatism exist and reside within all of us even when it is subconscious.
I perceived it as a story about a man who has made some bad choices that have led to his life and his relationships falling apart. Only he can't quite see that and understand it until he is thrust into a situation that has him trying to figure out if his father is the man he always thought him to be. As Michael uncovers the secrets of his father's past he is also uncovering secrets and truths of himself.
If you are someone who likes contemporary writing that retains classicism and you like authors who are smart, funny, and not afraid to shy away from the darker side of human emotion and behavior than you will want to read this.
First, I loved this novel. For many reasons. Mostly because it's intelligent and thought provoking and it captures the essence, to me, of what embodies good literature- that blend of tragedy and comedy that lets us delve deep into the mysteries of human behavior and to come to the realization that it's absolutely okay that we don't understand everything, that it's impossible to, and that as we all go about our lives trying to figure it all out that darkness and evil co-exist with light and goodness. That's just the way it is and we go about our lives doing the best we can in a moment. To me, it is nothing short of triumphant that Lavigne can do this. Not many writers have the gift or craft to do this.
I've seen reviews that belittle the humour in this novel. That's something I don't understand at all. Life is absurd. Making sense of it makes no sense sometimes, but we laugh, we live, we survive. I applaud that Lavigne has the writing chops and thoughtfulness to tell a story that embraces the messy lives we live, the bad choices we make, that it's possible to want to make amends and to rectify wrongs, even if societally, it seems human behavior is without morality or ethical standards, that individually there is still hope for change, for betterment. He does all of this gorgeously. Lavigne is obviously someone who hasn't forgotten the classics. He writes with purpose and intention and it shows and I'm so grateful for that.
The writing is sound. The characters are all well-developed. All of them express the duality of human nature and how easily it can be shaped and changed. There are many themes to explore in this novel. Who are we collectively that genocide has always and will always happen? How do we individually fit into creating such a dark machine? Who are we as self? What actually is identity? Is it possible to learn from the past? Is it possible to atone for our mistakes- truly? Is it possible for us to change? Lavigne explores all of the big philosophical questions of- who am I? what am I? why am I? what is life? what does life mean? where do I fit into this thing called life?- in this novel and he does it with excellence.
I'm also put off by the reviewers who insist on labeling this a Holocaust novel. This novel is so much more than that. The themes, the ideas and explorations in this novel transcend the outline the author chose to frame them in. It's a universal tale of the human condition and could just have easily been set in contemporary times in any cultural setting of a man discovering his father was something other than what he'd always known. I personally hate books being labeled, categorized or regionalized. It underlines perfectly how prejudice and separatism exist and reside within all of us even when it is subconscious.
I perceived it as a story about a man who has made some bad choices that have led to his life and his relationships falling apart. Only he can't quite see that and understand it until he is thrust into a situation that has him trying to figure out if his father is the man he always thought him to be. As Michael uncovers the secrets of his father's past he is also uncovering secrets and truths of himself.
If you are someone who likes contemporary writing that retains classicism and you like authors who are smart, funny, and not afraid to shy away from the darker side of human emotion and behavior than you will want to read this.
June 22, 2009
“For tempered by the gas and the crematoria, the starvation, the humiliation, pain and filth, they would surly have become angels.”
By far, this was my favorite sentence in all of Michael Lavigne’s poignant and moving story Not Me. It’s rare that I read a sentence in a book over and over again, but this was one of those perfectly constructed simple sentences that struck me as I contemplated the fate of Heshel Rosenheim and his after life.
A couple of years ago I took my very first trip to Europe and included in that whirlwind two week trip was a very moving trip to Dachau. I remember what struck me more than anything as I walked around what had once been this concentration camp the thing I was struck by with every building and every section of the camp was the sheer size of it. My mom caught a picture of me as we’re walking around on this rainy day standing where roll call was taken everyday, a place where prisoners stood for hours on end in all kinds of weather to have every single name in the camp called. I have this look on my face I didn’t even know I had while walking around there. It’s part confusion, part frustration, part awe, and part sadness. How in the world were there people on the face of the earth that not only promoted this mind-numbing tragedy but also those that stood alongside and didn’t raise a finger to help?
In Not Me, Lavigne tells the story of Heshel Rosenheim, a man dying of Alzheimer’s who give his son, Michael, a set of journals revealing that he may not be who his son has always believed he was. All his life, Heshel has been nothing but the most devoted Jew and exemplary man, but in this journals, he revels himself not to be Heshel Rosenheim at all but actually a Nazi who stole the identity of one of the prisoners when the camps were being liberated to escape prosecution. He may in fact have been one of those that stood alongside and did nothing to help. His son must then piece together the clues his father has left behind to find out who he father actually is, and ultimately, who he is.
Lavigne does a fantastic job painting not only the picture of Michael’s imperfect life but that of Heshel Rosenheim’s past life as well. He does a nice job creating two very distinct voices as the book switches from Michael’s contemporary point and view and Rosenheim’s journal entries. He keeps the plot in both worlds going at a brisk pace that will have the reading flying through this book wanting to piece together the story.
I only had a few places where I thought editing choices could have been made to make the book a little tighter. I felt the character of April really wasn’t necessarily needed. Yes, we as the reader come to connect April with Israel eventually but I felt Michael could have made the discovery without her in the picture. I also felt the letter from his mother in the end wasn’t needed. We, as the reader, pieced together that Heshel Rosenheim was the man he wrote about in his journals just fine without that letter. The letter helped to prove that he was indeed a devout Jew, but, again, we could piece that together without the letter. I wished the book would have ended at his death with a small conversation between Josh and Michael at the end.
The small gripes are just that. . .very small. In comparison to the rest of the book, there are little gripes I think any reader can live with.
This book will stay with me for a while and will definitely be one in which I pass along to fellow lovers of reading!
By far, this was my favorite sentence in all of Michael Lavigne’s poignant and moving story Not Me. It’s rare that I read a sentence in a book over and over again, but this was one of those perfectly constructed simple sentences that struck me as I contemplated the fate of Heshel Rosenheim and his after life.
A couple of years ago I took my very first trip to Europe and included in that whirlwind two week trip was a very moving trip to Dachau. I remember what struck me more than anything as I walked around what had once been this concentration camp the thing I was struck by with every building and every section of the camp was the sheer size of it. My mom caught a picture of me as we’re walking around on this rainy day standing where roll call was taken everyday, a place where prisoners stood for hours on end in all kinds of weather to have every single name in the camp called. I have this look on my face I didn’t even know I had while walking around there. It’s part confusion, part frustration, part awe, and part sadness. How in the world were there people on the face of the earth that not only promoted this mind-numbing tragedy but also those that stood alongside and didn’t raise a finger to help?
In Not Me, Lavigne tells the story of Heshel Rosenheim, a man dying of Alzheimer’s who give his son, Michael, a set of journals revealing that he may not be who his son has always believed he was. All his life, Heshel has been nothing but the most devoted Jew and exemplary man, but in this journals, he revels himself not to be Heshel Rosenheim at all but actually a Nazi who stole the identity of one of the prisoners when the camps were being liberated to escape prosecution. He may in fact have been one of those that stood alongside and did nothing to help. His son must then piece together the clues his father has left behind to find out who he father actually is, and ultimately, who he is.
Lavigne does a fantastic job painting not only the picture of Michael’s imperfect life but that of Heshel Rosenheim’s past life as well. He does a nice job creating two very distinct voices as the book switches from Michael’s contemporary point and view and Rosenheim’s journal entries. He keeps the plot in both worlds going at a brisk pace that will have the reading flying through this book wanting to piece together the story.
I only had a few places where I thought editing choices could have been made to make the book a little tighter. I felt the character of April really wasn’t necessarily needed. Yes, we as the reader come to connect April with Israel eventually but I felt Michael could have made the discovery without her in the picture. I also felt the letter from his mother in the end wasn’t needed. We, as the reader, pieced together that Heshel Rosenheim was the man he wrote about in his journals just fine without that letter. The letter helped to prove that he was indeed a devout Jew, but, again, we could piece that together without the letter. I wished the book would have ended at his death with a small conversation between Josh and Michael at the end.
The small gripes are just that. . .very small. In comparison to the rest of the book, there are little gripes I think any reader can live with.
This book will stay with me for a while and will definitely be one in which I pass along to fellow lovers of reading!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 4, 2010
This book is a curious mix of funny (narrator is a comedian) and serious (his father is a supposed Holocaust survivor). I'm not sure how I'm going to like that juxtaposition, but so far I'm intrigued enough to continue reading...
--
Okay, couldn't do it. This ended up being too strange a juxtaposition for me. As revealed quickly in the book (and in the book description, I believe), the narrator grows up in a Jewish household and believes his father was a Jewish Holocaust survivor, only to discover -- through his father's journals -- that is father was a Nazi who posed as a Jew during the liberation of the camps and spent the rest of his life as a Jew.
To give you an idea of the strange juxtaposition of casual, funny, not-always-eloquent narrator and serious subject material, here is how the narrator responded to his first reading of the journal:
"I literally jumped up from La-Z-Boy, as if suddenly I was on fire... I could not put the journal down. It was glued to my fingers, like when you touch something really cold, like an ice cube or a metal pole that sticks to your skin--and it burns like hell, but you cant let go... What in God's name is he talking about? I cried. What, what, what? It was like pressure inside me rising, like a wave of vomit. What? I cried. What?"
I found the idea of the book compelling, but not the way in which the book was written... For a different subject matter, fine.
p.s. What is up with those terrible similes? "As if I was on fire???" "an ice cube or a metal pole that sticks to your skin???" That sounds like a bad email I'd send to a friend.
--
Okay, couldn't do it. This ended up being too strange a juxtaposition for me. As revealed quickly in the book (and in the book description, I believe), the narrator grows up in a Jewish household and believes his father was a Jewish Holocaust survivor, only to discover -- through his father's journals -- that is father was a Nazi who posed as a Jew during the liberation of the camps and spent the rest of his life as a Jew.
To give you an idea of the strange juxtaposition of casual, funny, not-always-eloquent narrator and serious subject material, here is how the narrator responded to his first reading of the journal:
"I literally jumped up from La-Z-Boy, as if suddenly I was on fire... I could not put the journal down. It was glued to my fingers, like when you touch something really cold, like an ice cube or a metal pole that sticks to your skin--and it burns like hell, but you cant let go... What in God's name is he talking about? I cried. What, what, what? It was like pressure inside me rising, like a wave of vomit. What? I cried. What?"
I found the idea of the book compelling, but not the way in which the book was written... For a different subject matter, fine.
p.s. What is up with those terrible similes? "As if I was on fire???" "an ice cube or a metal pole that sticks to your skin???" That sounds like a bad email I'd send to a friend.
May 1, 2009
My advice: Don't be witty about the holocaust. It's not a subject to link with humor.
And, this reads like a first novel... the transitions are very rough, making the "journal" not quite fit the narrator's story.
Niether the journal writer or the narrator are likable, particularly, but maybe it's that they are both very flat characters.
I thought the writing improved in the last 50 pages, but the twist didn't ring true with what the reader knew about the narrator.
I finished it because it was assigned.
And, this reads like a first novel... the transitions are very rough, making the "journal" not quite fit the narrator's story.
Niether the journal writer or the narrator are likable, particularly, but maybe it's that they are both very flat characters.
I thought the writing improved in the last 50 pages, but the twist didn't ring true with what the reader knew about the narrator.
I finished it because it was assigned.
March 30, 2010
So much to say about this book. It touched upon so many aspects of life. The holocaust itself, family secrets, survival, perception vs. reality, the choices we make and the path they take us, the idea of reinventing yourself - are we who we are because that's who we are or because we've chosen to remain who we are because of the culture/environment/surroundings/people around us view us that way? Great discussion as well.
March 18, 2013
The beginning drew me in and there was some delightful Humor. It is really two stories, and the father's story was quite compelling, but the son's grew somewhat repetitive and maudlin. Also, the way he wrapped it up in the end didn't really feel exactly believable, and that took away some of the emotional impact
August 28, 2013
read this book after reading Jodi P's The Storyteller.
very similar themes in that the main characters are/were Nazi SS who live out there lives as
americans… in this book it goes so far that he is an american jew.
how many germans are/were there who escaped german persecution after the war?
pick this book up.
very similar themes in that the main characters are/were Nazi SS who live out there lives as
americans… in this book it goes so far that he is an american jew.
how many germans are/were there who escaped german persecution after the war?
pick this book up.
August 27, 2012
A story of the Holocaust with a bizzare twist that is both disturbing and insightful to human nature. Discusses forgiveness, redemption, living on different levels within our own mind. An interesting and powerfully moving book.
August 31, 2015
Engrossing and very unique holocaust story. A page turner!!! Poses questions about redemption and love; the secrets we hold that can undermine our lives. Not a typical holocaust story (if you've read enough of those). Check out the story review online..give it a try. Read it in 2 days!
February 10, 2010
It was an ok book. However, it was quite long winded and too introspective for my tastes.
December 7, 2023
I picked this book up at a library book sale, with low expectations, knowing nothing abour the author. But, from the book flap, it looked possibly interesting. It turned out to be a pleasant surprise, masterfully-written, and with a fascinating premise. The premise involved the mysterious discovery of a set of journals seemingly written in the third person by the narrator's father. The journals suggested that the father, who had lived his married life as a devoted Jew, had actually previously been a Nazi bookkeeper at a concentration camp, but had switched identities with one of the Jewish victims, to escape accountability as the Allies liberated the camp. The son tries to confront his elderly father to solve the mystery of his father's true identity, but his father drifts in and out of cogency and it remains ambiguous until the end. It was a clever plot device exploring identity, redemption, and forgiveness.
This book also proved to be a very timely selection, as just when I got to a part of the book taking place on a kibbutz under brutal attack at the time of the founding of Israel, the October 7, 2023 Hamas attack on kibbutzim and other Israeli civilians took place. This, sadly, made the book strangely timely and relevant to current events. Adding to the strangeness of the timing of my reading was that I then noticed that the library loan slip left in the book from the last borrower, which I used as a bookmark, had a number at the top matching my home's street address number (1129), and the date of the loan indicated on the slip was October 7 (from a previous year). Rather a strange pair of coincidences, that seemed to tell me it was fate that made me pick up the book to read at this time.
Overall, the book was educational and well-written, though it was somewhat uneven in its presentation of the narrator's own marital problems and relationship with his son, which seemed less well-developed and less engaging. Also, I found the ending of the book somewhat unsatisfying. I was hoping for more of a twist, and the ending failed to adequately explain the father's failure to communicate his identity to his son beyond the journals. All in all, the novel was an engaging, informative, interesting, meaningful, and unsettling read that I found well worth the time.
This book also proved to be a very timely selection, as just when I got to a part of the book taking place on a kibbutz under brutal attack at the time of the founding of Israel, the October 7, 2023 Hamas attack on kibbutzim and other Israeli civilians took place. This, sadly, made the book strangely timely and relevant to current events. Adding to the strangeness of the timing of my reading was that I then noticed that the library loan slip left in the book from the last borrower, which I used as a bookmark, had a number at the top matching my home's street address number (1129), and the date of the loan indicated on the slip was October 7 (from a previous year). Rather a strange pair of coincidences, that seemed to tell me it was fate that made me pick up the book to read at this time.
Overall, the book was educational and well-written, though it was somewhat uneven in its presentation of the narrator's own marital problems and relationship with his son, which seemed less well-developed and less engaging. Also, I found the ending of the book somewhat unsatisfying. I was hoping for more of a twist, and the ending failed to adequately explain the father's failure to communicate his identity to his son beyond the journals. All in all, the novel was an engaging, informative, interesting, meaningful, and unsettling read that I found well worth the time.
February 21, 2018
"I remember telling him, being born something is just an accident, but how you live your life is your choice."
What do you do when your world falls apart? When you find out that someone very close to you, someone near and dear to your heart, isn't who they've pretended to be all along? Can you ever forgive the worst of crimes - even if someone has the best of intentions? These are all questions that our narrator, Michael, faces when his father, Heshel, plagued with Alzheimer's, hands over a box of dusty journals with no further explanation. Michael, a stand-up comedian by day, comes from a devoutly Jewish family. Knowing his father was a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps, Michael doesn't look forward to reading the books; in fact, he flat our refuses for a time. He eventually succumbs to curiosity and opens the first page having no idea what lies ahead of him.
Heshel's story of the second world war will, like all others, make your toes curl. The horrors of camps like Auschwitz, Bergen-Belsen, and Dachau are unfathomable, and Michael can hardly believe the words before his eyes. Due to his father's progressing Alzheimer's, Michael is stuck with more questions than answers and finds himself all but possessed to discover the real truth of his father's identity because if Michael doesn't really know who is father is, then who is he?
The remarkable thing about this story is that in the midst of exploring deeply complex questions and retelling the horrors of Nazi concentration camps, the narrator is hilarious. The author provided us with such a rich character in Michael - we know he's a stand-up comic, but his profession manages to seep through to the words on the page, and I found myself smirking and even chuckling throughout. He's relatable as well; I mean, how would you feel if your parent handed you a dirty old book that revealed some of the best-kept, horrific secrets you could image? Michael takes us along for the ride of his life while he discovers who his family really is and while you may not find all your questions answered, I think you will find beauty in the chaos and heartbreak along the way.
If you aren't into WWII historical fiction, I would still recommend this book to you because it appeals to a host of readers with its quick wit, suspense, humor, and exploration of self.
What do you do when your world falls apart? When you find out that someone very close to you, someone near and dear to your heart, isn't who they've pretended to be all along? Can you ever forgive the worst of crimes - even if someone has the best of intentions? These are all questions that our narrator, Michael, faces when his father, Heshel, plagued with Alzheimer's, hands over a box of dusty journals with no further explanation. Michael, a stand-up comedian by day, comes from a devoutly Jewish family. Knowing his father was a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps, Michael doesn't look forward to reading the books; in fact, he flat our refuses for a time. He eventually succumbs to curiosity and opens the first page having no idea what lies ahead of him.
Heshel's story of the second world war will, like all others, make your toes curl. The horrors of camps like Auschwitz, Bergen-Belsen, and Dachau are unfathomable, and Michael can hardly believe the words before his eyes. Due to his father's progressing Alzheimer's, Michael is stuck with more questions than answers and finds himself all but possessed to discover the real truth of his father's identity because if Michael doesn't really know who is father is, then who is he?
The remarkable thing about this story is that in the midst of exploring deeply complex questions and retelling the horrors of Nazi concentration camps, the narrator is hilarious. The author provided us with such a rich character in Michael - we know he's a stand-up comic, but his profession manages to seep through to the words on the page, and I found myself smirking and even chuckling throughout. He's relatable as well; I mean, how would you feel if your parent handed you a dirty old book that revealed some of the best-kept, horrific secrets you could image? Michael takes us along for the ride of his life while he discovers who his family really is and while you may not find all your questions answered, I think you will find beauty in the chaos and heartbreak along the way.
If you aren't into WWII historical fiction, I would still recommend this book to you because it appeals to a host of readers with its quick wit, suspense, humor, and exploration of self.
October 3, 2017
The idea that a middle-aged man realizes his father's whole life is a sham is the heart of this novel and the author does a good job. I like the format of alternating Michael's present day struggle with his father's imminent death and dementia (and really the unraveling of his whole life) with his father's mysterious journals chronically his time during WWII. There is the right amount of suspense. I wish there was more resolution, but I am a person who likes all the loose ends tied up at the end of the story. We are left with hope, that Michael will choose Life.
However, while I liked how Michael's reexamination of his memories reveal new clues and even things he repressed, I think his final interaction with his sister, Karen, was a bit too much. I don't really see it as necessary, except that perhaps he and his father are both seeking redemption (not forgiveness or punishment, but redemption--a good theme for the book). But we get enough clues into how Michael has screwed up his life and what he needs redemption for, that he doesn't need this extra burden, which doesn't really seem to go anywhere.
I also liked Heshel's moment of clarity on the field of battle when he understands where everyone is coming from, all the time.
However, while I liked how Michael's reexamination of his memories reveal new clues and even things he repressed, I think his final interaction with his sister, Karen, was a bit too much. I don't really see it as necessary, except that perhaps he and his father are both seeking redemption (not forgiveness or punishment, but redemption--a good theme for the book). But we get enough clues into how Michael has screwed up his life and what he needs redemption for, that he doesn't need this extra burden, which doesn't really seem to go anywhere.
I also liked Heshel's moment of clarity on the field of battle when he understands where everyone is coming from, all the time.
November 10, 2021
This is a stupid book. A guy discovers that his dad worked in a concentration camp for the Germans, rather than being an inmate. Big deal. The dad had a desk job. He didn't torture or kill anybody. I don't have a lot of use for a "story within a story," as this one is when the guy reads his dad's old journals. There was a letter included written by his dead mom which must have run to several pages. Hardly anybody would write a letter that long about such limited subject matter. There were way too many loose ends that did not get tied off. If you want to read a Holocaust story, there are thousands of others better than this.
December 19, 2016
This book had a very interesting premise. An extremely Jewish family with a secret regarding the fathers role/place during WWII and the Holocaust and the son discovering this secret through his father's journals. There was a lot going on in this book, I found it difficult to stay engrossed in the story as it flipped from the journals to the sons world to the complications with the sons family and his relationship with his own son. It would have been more enjoyable and compelling if the bulk of the book focused on the journals and unraveling the father's secret...
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