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The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting
Connection is the key to joyful parenting and raising emotionally healthy, responsible kids. Make a positive transformation in your home as you let go of fear-based techniques and embrace the philosophy of positive parenting.
Filled with practical examples, personal stories, and nuggets of hard-earned wisdom, The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting has everything you need to change your parenting paradigm and enrich your family life.
If you are desperately missing the close bond you once had with your child, if your days are filled with tears and frustration, this book is for you.
The relationships we build with our children last a lifetime. Ultimately, love is the only leverage we have with our kids. Fear-based parenting only works as long as it can be physically or emotionally enforced, but love is a more effective motivator over time. Through being kind and firm, consistent and empathetic, we allow our children optimal development.
When the child-rearing is done, the loving bond you have built is what will make your relationship with your adult child fruitful and enjoyable. Positive parenting keeps that relationship intact while teaching and guiding your child to his or her fullest potential.
Filled with practical examples, personal stories, and nuggets of hard-earned wisdom, The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting has everything you need to change your parenting paradigm and enrich your family life.
If you are desperately missing the close bond you once had with your child, if your days are filled with tears and frustration, this book is for you.
The relationships we build with our children last a lifetime. Ultimately, love is the only leverage we have with our kids. Fear-based parenting only works as long as it can be physically or emotionally enforced, but love is a more effective motivator over time. Through being kind and firm, consistent and empathetic, we allow our children optimal development.
When the child-rearing is done, the loving bond you have built is what will make your relationship with your adult child fruitful and enjoyable. Positive parenting keeps that relationship intact while teaching and guiding your child to his or her fullest potential.
150 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2013
41 people are currently reading
356 people want to read
About the author
Rebecca Eanes
11 books121 followersAuthor of The Gift of a Happy Mother, Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting. Contributing editor at Creative Child Magazine.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
March 8, 2015
"As positive parents, our most valuable tools are the example we set and the connection we have with our children." (p23)
Rebecca Eanes introduces the concept of positive parenting (or peaceful, or gentle, or non-punitive parenting… Call it what you will!) in her second edition of The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting. Rebecca is a prolific blogger on the subject of parenting, and is well known within positive parenting circles. She is the co-author of Positive Parenting in Action.
Her new book outlines the foundations of the positive parenting philosophy, in a way designed to be accessible to parents who are new to the approach, whilst also providing leads for those who wish to find out more. It is not a long book, which works well for busy parents, and particularly for those new to the approach who may not want to go into too much depth in any one area (yet!). I found it an interesting and enjoyable read, with a good balance between providing the information needed, and not overwhelming the reader.
Positive parenting is a way of approaching childcare which seeks to avoid behaviour modification approaches such as punishments and rewards. It assumes a mutual respect between adult and child, and communication, warmth, love and connection are central tenets. Within positive parenting, provision of love is not conditional on 'good' behaviour, nor is withholding love a response to less desirable behaviours. Instead, an assumption is made that a child wants to cooperate, and if they are unable to, the reasons underlying their 'acting out' are explored. Children are encouraged to express their emotions, even when certain behaviours must be addressed. Limits are set with warmth; positive parenting is most certainly not analogous with permissive parenting. 'Discipline' is thought of as guidance rather than control, and responsiveness to the child's feelings is paramount.
"You cannot control and manipulate your child into being accountable for his actions." (p24)
The Newbie's Guide is broken down into well organised and fairly bite-sized chapters, each of which introduces a particular idea within the concept of positive parenting. It dispels common myths - most notably that parents following this philosophy have no rules or limits (definitely not the case!), and also gives plenty of useful ideas for putting the concept into practice.
"Respect isn't a privilege, it's an emotional need." (p12)
A few examples of some of the ideas covered in the chapters include: how to change your mindset, how to be playful with your child, what to do instead of punishment, and how to stop yelling at your kids. The chapters are fairly short and easy to digest, and each one captures the essential points of the topic, without getting too bogged down in detail. There is an awful lot that is covered here, and my feeling is that it could have very easily been overwhelming to someone new to the approach, but it is written in a very readable style, with no assumption of prior knowledge. It is also easy to dip into and out of, as each chapter essentially stands alone, so is great for busy parents trying desperately to fit in a few minutes of reading here and there!
"The shift in our thinking is the hardest but most important step in embracing positive parenting." (p29)
The book is intended, as the title makes clear, for people new to the approach. I've done a fair bit of reading over the last few years as a parent, and I'm no longer really sure how I came to the idea of this sort of parenting. But I do know that if I had read this book early on in my journey, it would have given me a good scaffold for shaping how I wanted to do things, and lots of useful leads to take me further along my journey. Having said that, I still found it to be a really useful and enjoyable read as a (slightly!) more seasoned positive parent - it was a nice reminder for lots of the things I am working on at the moment (and I need lots of reminders!!), such as the art of mindfulness (living in and enjoying the moment). I think that wherever you are in your parenting journey, this would be a useful reminder/reinforcer for something you are working on.
"Sometimes life is just plain hard, and we need a break, not a lecture. We need a hug, not a scornful look. We know we did wrong, but we're having a hard time. We need someone who understands. We need someone who still believes in us. We just need grace." (p34)
I guess if I'm being really picky, I would have liked a little more emphasis on our culture; on how there is a huge lack of support for parents, how parenting is undervalued, how we are not child-centric, and how in evolutionary terms our society is a very challenging one both for raising children and, perhaps more importantly, for being a child. For me, this is essential to understand in terms of changing our mindsets about how we parent. Having said that, there is only so much you can fit into a book with these parameters, and the impact of culture is touched on; it is not so much that it isn't mentioned, or recognised for its importance, so much as that I think it is deserving of a chapter all of its own. What I did absolutely love was the emphasis on allowing children's emotions - as a culture, we do have a tendency to try to squash big emotions, when actually the latest psychological research supports allowing emotions to be expressed, whilst not ignoring the (sometimes less than desirable) behaviours that may accompany them.
"We must accept all of our children's feelings. This doesn't mean we must accept all the behaviours that come with them, of course." (p80)
I read this book in a few sittings, and made lots and lots of notes as I went - there really were some very useful ideas in there! For me, it was great that it didn't have too much of an American feel or focus, so it felt just as relevant to me reading it here in the UK as it would anywhere else. It had a good flow, and I felt like I was being provided with information, rather than preached to from on high, in a 'you must do this' style. It had a few 'extras' - poetry, selected blog posts, ideas for games and activities - which were nice additions, and added to the accessible feel of the book. There were a few examples or activities that I would approach differently (for example, we don't focus on 'manners' as such in our house, rather we discuss things as they come up and this has been very successful for us), but this is not a book with a list of 'must-dos'; it is a book to help you get to grips with the philosophy, and to then use the practical examples as suits you.
"Positive parenting isn't a method, a set of rules, or a style. Positive parenting is a philosophy, a way of relating to children and to ourselves." (p11)
I found this book personable and readable. It was almost simplistic (although not patronising), but as a newbie's guide, I think that's just the way it should be! The tone is confident but not overpowering, and it covers the important points in an accessible way. It emphasises changing your mindset in terms of how you relate to children, but also gives plenty of practical examples which you can use straightaway. The lists of further reading ideas (books and websites) were useful and fairly comprehensive (in my humble opinion!), although for me, Evolutionary Parenting and Hand in Hand Parenting were two notable absences. I thought the topics covered a good range of ideas, and there are lots of lovely examples to illustrate the philosophy. And I am very glad that the author says early on that there are no hard and fast rules, and that you have to tailor the approach to fit your own family circumstances.
"Positive parenting isn't about telling you what you should and shouldn't do but rather about helping you and me tune out the clamor of the world and tune in to the whispers of our hearts." (p17)
The Newbie's Guide does exactly what it says on the tin, and I would highly recommend it both as a good place to start, and for parents already heading down this road.
"It takes no small leap of faith to push aside everything you've been told about raising children and about what it means to be a child." (p17)
Rebecca Eanes introduces the concept of positive parenting (or peaceful, or gentle, or non-punitive parenting… Call it what you will!) in her second edition of The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting. Rebecca is a prolific blogger on the subject of parenting, and is well known within positive parenting circles. She is the co-author of Positive Parenting in Action.
Her new book outlines the foundations of the positive parenting philosophy, in a way designed to be accessible to parents who are new to the approach, whilst also providing leads for those who wish to find out more. It is not a long book, which works well for busy parents, and particularly for those new to the approach who may not want to go into too much depth in any one area (yet!). I found it an interesting and enjoyable read, with a good balance between providing the information needed, and not overwhelming the reader.
Positive parenting is a way of approaching childcare which seeks to avoid behaviour modification approaches such as punishments and rewards. It assumes a mutual respect between adult and child, and communication, warmth, love and connection are central tenets. Within positive parenting, provision of love is not conditional on 'good' behaviour, nor is withholding love a response to less desirable behaviours. Instead, an assumption is made that a child wants to cooperate, and if they are unable to, the reasons underlying their 'acting out' are explored. Children are encouraged to express their emotions, even when certain behaviours must be addressed. Limits are set with warmth; positive parenting is most certainly not analogous with permissive parenting. 'Discipline' is thought of as guidance rather than control, and responsiveness to the child's feelings is paramount.
"You cannot control and manipulate your child into being accountable for his actions." (p24)
The Newbie's Guide is broken down into well organised and fairly bite-sized chapters, each of which introduces a particular idea within the concept of positive parenting. It dispels common myths - most notably that parents following this philosophy have no rules or limits (definitely not the case!), and also gives plenty of useful ideas for putting the concept into practice.
"Respect isn't a privilege, it's an emotional need." (p12)
A few examples of some of the ideas covered in the chapters include: how to change your mindset, how to be playful with your child, what to do instead of punishment, and how to stop yelling at your kids. The chapters are fairly short and easy to digest, and each one captures the essential points of the topic, without getting too bogged down in detail. There is an awful lot that is covered here, and my feeling is that it could have very easily been overwhelming to someone new to the approach, but it is written in a very readable style, with no assumption of prior knowledge. It is also easy to dip into and out of, as each chapter essentially stands alone, so is great for busy parents trying desperately to fit in a few minutes of reading here and there!
"The shift in our thinking is the hardest but most important step in embracing positive parenting." (p29)
The book is intended, as the title makes clear, for people new to the approach. I've done a fair bit of reading over the last few years as a parent, and I'm no longer really sure how I came to the idea of this sort of parenting. But I do know that if I had read this book early on in my journey, it would have given me a good scaffold for shaping how I wanted to do things, and lots of useful leads to take me further along my journey. Having said that, I still found it to be a really useful and enjoyable read as a (slightly!) more seasoned positive parent - it was a nice reminder for lots of the things I am working on at the moment (and I need lots of reminders!!), such as the art of mindfulness (living in and enjoying the moment). I think that wherever you are in your parenting journey, this would be a useful reminder/reinforcer for something you are working on.
"Sometimes life is just plain hard, and we need a break, not a lecture. We need a hug, not a scornful look. We know we did wrong, but we're having a hard time. We need someone who understands. We need someone who still believes in us. We just need grace." (p34)
I guess if I'm being really picky, I would have liked a little more emphasis on our culture; on how there is a huge lack of support for parents, how parenting is undervalued, how we are not child-centric, and how in evolutionary terms our society is a very challenging one both for raising children and, perhaps more importantly, for being a child. For me, this is essential to understand in terms of changing our mindsets about how we parent. Having said that, there is only so much you can fit into a book with these parameters, and the impact of culture is touched on; it is not so much that it isn't mentioned, or recognised for its importance, so much as that I think it is deserving of a chapter all of its own. What I did absolutely love was the emphasis on allowing children's emotions - as a culture, we do have a tendency to try to squash big emotions, when actually the latest psychological research supports allowing emotions to be expressed, whilst not ignoring the (sometimes less than desirable) behaviours that may accompany them.
"We must accept all of our children's feelings. This doesn't mean we must accept all the behaviours that come with them, of course." (p80)
I read this book in a few sittings, and made lots and lots of notes as I went - there really were some very useful ideas in there! For me, it was great that it didn't have too much of an American feel or focus, so it felt just as relevant to me reading it here in the UK as it would anywhere else. It had a good flow, and I felt like I was being provided with information, rather than preached to from on high, in a 'you must do this' style. It had a few 'extras' - poetry, selected blog posts, ideas for games and activities - which were nice additions, and added to the accessible feel of the book. There were a few examples or activities that I would approach differently (for example, we don't focus on 'manners' as such in our house, rather we discuss things as they come up and this has been very successful for us), but this is not a book with a list of 'must-dos'; it is a book to help you get to grips with the philosophy, and to then use the practical examples as suits you.
"Positive parenting isn't a method, a set of rules, or a style. Positive parenting is a philosophy, a way of relating to children and to ourselves." (p11)
I found this book personable and readable. It was almost simplistic (although not patronising), but as a newbie's guide, I think that's just the way it should be! The tone is confident but not overpowering, and it covers the important points in an accessible way. It emphasises changing your mindset in terms of how you relate to children, but also gives plenty of practical examples which you can use straightaway. The lists of further reading ideas (books and websites) were useful and fairly comprehensive (in my humble opinion!), although for me, Evolutionary Parenting and Hand in Hand Parenting were two notable absences. I thought the topics covered a good range of ideas, and there are lots of lovely examples to illustrate the philosophy. And I am very glad that the author says early on that there are no hard and fast rules, and that you have to tailor the approach to fit your own family circumstances.
"Positive parenting isn't about telling you what you should and shouldn't do but rather about helping you and me tune out the clamor of the world and tune in to the whispers of our hearts." (p17)
The Newbie's Guide does exactly what it says on the tin, and I would highly recommend it both as a good place to start, and for parents already heading down this road.
"It takes no small leap of faith to push aside everything you've been told about raising children and about what it means to be a child." (p17)
July 12, 2021
I have mixed feelings about this book. I found it both irritating and insightful, illogical and practical. In the beginning, I had difficulty understanding what the author means by "punishment", as it is quite different from how psychology defines it (does not necessarily involve wanting someone to feel bad about themselves, or a personal need for retaliation). The author herself admits that the line between punishment and "enforcing limits" is blurry, and when she gets to different kinds of "consequences", the terminology seems even messier. Also, I wasn't convinced that showing empathy and "connecting" with a child in all of the described situations will necessarily lead to better behaviour (but sure, it's worth trying). In general, I wish some of the claims had more backing. For example, at one point Eanes writes "I could bore you with study after study of the negative effects on children's brains and emotional development when they are ignored...but for goodness' sake, I shouldn't have to". I would have welcomed the boring studies because otherwise we just have to take her word for it.
What I did like is that she emphasises parents' expectations should be age-appropriate, i.e. depend on what the child is cognitively capable of at a certain stage of brain development. I also liked her reflections on parenting in general (being present, mindful, grateful, "embracing the seasons", "managing one's mind" etc). Moreover, the "21-day journal" prompts, as well as the play ideas listed at the end, seem to me like good resources for every parent.
What I did like is that she emphasises parents' expectations should be age-appropriate, i.e. depend on what the child is cognitively capable of at a certain stage of brain development. I also liked her reflections on parenting in general (being present, mindful, grateful, "embracing the seasons", "managing one's mind" etc). Moreover, the "21-day journal" prompts, as well as the play ideas listed at the end, seem to me like good resources for every parent.
May 19, 2015
Nothing in this book is particularly earth-shattering or new, but it was really good reinforcement and brought together a lot of ideas into one philosophy. I particularly loved the idea of a "Parenting Mission Statement." Just the idea of writing down what kind of parent you want to be, and then bringing intention to that was an "ah-ha, of course!" for me. And, I liked the journal prompts and ideas for playing together.
July 14, 2020
Stryker under ungefär allt. Så bra och inspirerande och så många bra resurser.
August 16, 2015
Relationship offers the most reliable path to attachment, cooperation and strong family connection. When kids care about their parents, they also care about parental priorities, values and standards. One excellent parenting book is The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting, second edition by Rebecca Eanes. Although not specifically directed at adoptive families, it definitely concentrates on sustaining connection, on parenting via modeling the attitudes and behaviors parents want their children to learn. Rebecca asserts an important distinction: “leading and controlling are very different.” One invites cooperation; the other invites rebellion. One is respect-based; the other is fear-based.
An important mantra guides adoptive parents: “connect before correct.” Positive Parenting includes a commitment to restoration, to repair and reconnect after breakdown occurs in family relationship. Parents must never withhold their love because of a child’s inappropriate choices. Unconditional love is the lifeblood of the family relationship.
Here are a few memorable quotes from the book:
“Positive discipline isn’t about making a child pay for his mistake but rather learn from it”
“It’s about teaching them to do what is right instead of punishing them for doing what is wrong.”
“There is no such thing as an unimportant day when you are shaping a child’s life…Be intentional about what it is you are writing.”
The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting is an excellent book. that will inspire you. Check it out.
An important mantra guides adoptive parents: “connect before correct.” Positive Parenting includes a commitment to restoration, to repair and reconnect after breakdown occurs in family relationship. Parents must never withhold their love because of a child’s inappropriate choices. Unconditional love is the lifeblood of the family relationship.
Here are a few memorable quotes from the book:
“Positive discipline isn’t about making a child pay for his mistake but rather learn from it”
“It’s about teaching them to do what is right instead of punishing them for doing what is wrong.”
“There is no such thing as an unimportant day when you are shaping a child’s life…Be intentional about what it is you are writing.”
The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting is an excellent book. that will inspire you. Check it out.
September 2, 2014
I thought this was a good overview of positive parenting though I did find it a little preachy and far-fetched. We should all strive to attain these principles if that is how we have decided to parent our children, but some of it is nearly impossible in certain situations. In a perfect world, it would be difficult, so in our imperfect world sometimes it will be impossible. But! That doesn't mean we shouldn't try. I am looking forward to reading the more comprehensive book the author co-wrote with Laura Ling, but for a sleep deprived mom of a 13 month old, this was a perfect introduction and a fast read while he was asleep. I am now also suffering from some mild mommy guilt as I didn't realize just how much my other relationships can impact my child because they are little sponges and mirrors. I always knew that it was important but I definitely need to work on setting a better example moving forward! I would recommend this to other parents and parents-to-be as a small taste of what positive parenting means.
March 27, 2015
An Excellent place to Start
Well done, and already seeing a difference in my family. There is a lightness to our home again. I look forward to moving forward as a positive parent.
Well done, and already seeing a difference in my family. There is a lightness to our home again. I look forward to moving forward as a positive parent.
July 11, 2019
+ Some good parenting advices.
+ An interesting read to understand the concept of positive parenting.
+ Nice that it contains references to things mentioned.
- The edition is weak, mine was a second edition but still had sloppy layout and typos.
- The content often repeats itself.
- Some of the examples left me unconvinced that acknowledging the emotions would resolve the situation.
+ An interesting read to understand the concept of positive parenting.
+ Nice that it contains references to things mentioned.
- The edition is weak, mine was a second edition but still had sloppy layout and typos.
- The content often repeats itself.
- Some of the examples left me unconvinced that acknowledging the emotions would resolve the situation.
May 17, 2017
I love this book. It's all the same info (it is a newbies guide after all) but she gives some great tips and tricks and the whole book is very well written. First book I've read from Rebecca Eanes but it won't be my last!
July 31, 2020
After reading this, I walked away wanting to improve myself and my parenting skills for my child. I learned new techniques, communication skills, and I have gained a new outlook on how I want my parenting to be. It’s a quick read but packs a punch!
June 23, 2016
I love this book! Really looking at every situation and understanding the deeper issue is so eye opening. Building your relationship on love is the best thing you can do, in my opinion. And Rebecca Eanes has done a fantastic job of giving you tips with everyday scenarios and what might be the deeper issue and how to address it. I wish every parent would read this book!! I also just finished reading Positive Parenting in Action by Laura Ling and Rebecca Eanes I highly suggest reading them together.
October 17, 2015
Light bulb!
I would recommend this book to every parent! No matter what stage of parenting they are in! Clear, concise, logical explanation of how to connect and teach our kids from a position based on love and respect. Excellent read!
I would recommend this book to every parent! No matter what stage of parenting they are in! Clear, concise, logical explanation of how to connect and teach our kids from a position based on love and respect. Excellent read!
July 22, 2020
3.5/5 stars. While there are some good practical ideas, a lot of this book feels like filler and it comes across as more judgmental and preachy compared to books like No Bad Kids or The Conscious Parent.
January 2, 2017
Great beginner's guide
This was a great (although short)introduction to positive parenting. Looking forward to reading some of her other books. Definitely recommend.
This was a great (although short)introduction to positive parenting. Looking forward to reading some of her other books. Definitely recommend.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews