What do you think?
Rate this book
Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life
A seasoned woman is spicy. She has been marinated in life experience. . . . She can be alternately sweet, tart, bubbly, mellow. She can be maternal and playful. Bossy and submissive. Strong and soft. . . . The seasoned woman knows who she is. She could be any one of us, as long as she is committed to living fully and passionately in the second half of life.
In her most groundbreaking work since Passages and The Silent Passage , bestselling author Gail Sheehy reveals a hidden cultural phenomenon–increased vitality in women’s sex and love lives after fifty. Sex and the Seasoned Woman is the story of an intimate revolution taking place under our very noses.
Boomer generation women in midlife are open to sex, love, dating, new dreams, exploring spirituality, and revitalizing their marriages as never before. This is a new universe of passionate, liberated women–married and single–who are unwilling to settle for the stereotypical roles of middle age and are now realizing they don’t have to. As life spans grow longer and as societal constraints continue to loosen, older women–once free of the exhausting demands of young children, needy husbands, and demanding careers–find themselves ready to pursue the passionate life. They embrace their “second adulthood” as a period of reawakening.
Written in Sheehy’s singularly compelling style, combining interviews and research, this book gives voice to more than a hundred fascinating and colorful women. The inspiring stories tell of wives who reinvigorate their marriages after their children leave the nest as well as divorced, widowed, and long-single women who find new dreams and new loves. Sheehy delineates a crucial link between cultivating a new dream and reopening the pathway to intimacy and sexual pleasure. She also examines the latest medical breakthroughs addressing symptoms that have unnecessarily curtailed women’s sex lives.
From women who find their sexuality reawakened by a younger lover, to couples whose marriages survive health crises and grow stronger, to women who finally find a soulmate in their sixties, to stories from seasoned sirens in their seventies, eighties, and even nineties, these portraits cover an enormous range of experience. In them, Sheehy locates the universal patterns that enable us all to recognize and understand our own lives.
In her most groundbreaking work since Passages and The Silent Passage , bestselling author Gail Sheehy reveals a hidden cultural phenomenon–increased vitality in women’s sex and love lives after fifty. Sex and the Seasoned Woman is the story of an intimate revolution taking place under our very noses.
Boomer generation women in midlife are open to sex, love, dating, new dreams, exploring spirituality, and revitalizing their marriages as never before. This is a new universe of passionate, liberated women–married and single–who are unwilling to settle for the stereotypical roles of middle age and are now realizing they don’t have to. As life spans grow longer and as societal constraints continue to loosen, older women–once free of the exhausting demands of young children, needy husbands, and demanding careers–find themselves ready to pursue the passionate life. They embrace their “second adulthood” as a period of reawakening.
Written in Sheehy’s singularly compelling style, combining interviews and research, this book gives voice to more than a hundred fascinating and colorful women. The inspiring stories tell of wives who reinvigorate their marriages after their children leave the nest as well as divorced, widowed, and long-single women who find new dreams and new loves. Sheehy delineates a crucial link between cultivating a new dream and reopening the pathway to intimacy and sexual pleasure. She also examines the latest medical breakthroughs addressing symptoms that have unnecessarily curtailed women’s sex lives.
From women who find their sexuality reawakened by a younger lover, to couples whose marriages survive health crises and grow stronger, to women who finally find a soulmate in their sixties, to stories from seasoned sirens in their seventies, eighties, and even nineties, these portraits cover an enormous range of experience. In them, Sheehy locates the universal patterns that enable us all to recognize and understand our own lives.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
About the author
Gail Sheehy
68 books102 followersGail Sheehy is an American writer and lecturer, most notable for her books on life and the life cycle. She is also a contributor to the magazine Vanity Fair.
Her fifth book, Passages, has been called "a road map of adult life". Several of her books continue the theme of passages through life's stages, including menopause and what she calls "Second Adulthood", including Pathfinders, Spirit of Survival, and Menopause: The Silent Passage. Her latest book, Sex and the Seasoned Woman, reveals a hidden cultural phenomenon: a surge of vitality in women's sex and love lives after age fifty. She has also authored a biography of Hillary Rodham Clinton titled Hillary's Choice. Her novel Middletown, America is being adapted as a TV miniseries. (from Wikipedia)
Her fifth book, Passages, has been called "a road map of adult life". Several of her books continue the theme of passages through life's stages, including menopause and what she calls "Second Adulthood", including Pathfinders, Spirit of Survival, and Menopause: The Silent Passage. Her latest book, Sex and the Seasoned Woman, reveals a hidden cultural phenomenon: a surge of vitality in women's sex and love lives after age fifty. She has also authored a biography of Hillary Rodham Clinton titled Hillary's Choice. Her novel Middletown, America is being adapted as a TV miniseries. (from Wikipedia)
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
December 24, 2016
I've been reading this book for over four years now and I finally finished it. The attraction was the subtitle: Pursing the Passionate Life. The book consists of interviews with many seasoned women and how they've reinvented themselves in mid-life and later. It was easy enough to pick up and read whenever the urge hit me, which, as it took me over 4 years to complete, wasn't often. I do find it true that women in mid-life and older are no longer interested in throwing in the towel and settling into domesticity. They're now open to love, sex, dating, new dreams, exploring spirituality, and revitalizing their marriages. I am very interested in this phenomenon of reinvention, and did much of that myself at age 51, when I separated from my husband and went abroad to teach English in Korea, Oman and then China, finally reuniting with my husband after a 7-year separation. Cliche as it was, I was on a search to find myself; thus, I could relate to many parts of this book. That being said, it wasn't all that compelling or inspirational that I was propelled to finish it in one fell swoop.
May 28, 2011
I picked this up at a library sale because I like Sheehy's books. I'm a little young for the book--but as a recent divorcee I found this book very inspiring. The book is full of stories and interviews with women who have found a more independent and passionate life after 50.
April 11, 2021
Gave me something to look forward to! Sheehy doesn't negotiate that a passionate life and sex accompany each other. One must maintain herself in all facets to preserve a great life.
August 22, 2018
Una periodista reconocida que ha escrito varios libros exitosos sobre la mujer, el sexo y la edad.
En este caso particular se dedica a compartir sus conclusiones sobre infinidad de entrevistas que realizó a mujeres madres (entre los 40 y los ochenta años) sobre sus creencias y expectativas relacionadas con sus cambios sexuales, su comportamiento y lo que piensan que les espera en esa segunda vida posterior la menopausia.
Está bien escrito, es ameno en lo que describe, en los casos individuales de mujeres que seleccionó para conocer sus vivencias.
Inicia presentando las creencias populares sobre lo que sucede en este paso importante para la mujer. Según menciona es una verdad sin contemplaciones que el placer por el sexo desaparece, la atracción del hombre por ellas disminuye hasta llegar a cero y, mas o menos, para una sociedad machista como en la que crecieron, sus esperanzas e ideales de una vida feliz en esta segunda y última etapa de su vida deberían ser mínimos.
Encontró, por el contrario, que lo que venía sucediendo era la realidad de una vida mas completa, madura y bien aprovechada en lo intelectual y en lo sexual — en lo físico— que daba a la mujer grandes posibilidades de realización, de sensaciones materiales y espirituales y de apoyo como nadie lo hubiera esperado.
La sociedad se ha transformado, es más abierta, no considera pecado el placer sensual y con la ayuda de medicamentos, hormonas y estrógeno, de psicoanalistas y sexólogos, las mujeres encuentran que en esta edad pueden encontrar formas que ni siquiera conseguían en su edad de máxima productividad, para sentirse satisfechas física y mentalmente.
Sheehy presenta a través de su interacción con científicos, ginecólogos, terapistas y por sobre todo, miles de mujeres un testimonio en el que afirma lo que dicen cientos de mujeres de haber encontrado su mejor momento en la vida...después de los cincuenta .
En este caso particular se dedica a compartir sus conclusiones sobre infinidad de entrevistas que realizó a mujeres madres (entre los 40 y los ochenta años) sobre sus creencias y expectativas relacionadas con sus cambios sexuales, su comportamiento y lo que piensan que les espera en esa segunda vida posterior la menopausia.
Está bien escrito, es ameno en lo que describe, en los casos individuales de mujeres que seleccionó para conocer sus vivencias.
Inicia presentando las creencias populares sobre lo que sucede en este paso importante para la mujer. Según menciona es una verdad sin contemplaciones que el placer por el sexo desaparece, la atracción del hombre por ellas disminuye hasta llegar a cero y, mas o menos, para una sociedad machista como en la que crecieron, sus esperanzas e ideales de una vida feliz en esta segunda y última etapa de su vida deberían ser mínimos.
Encontró, por el contrario, que lo que venía sucediendo era la realidad de una vida mas completa, madura y bien aprovechada en lo intelectual y en lo sexual — en lo físico— que daba a la mujer grandes posibilidades de realización, de sensaciones materiales y espirituales y de apoyo como nadie lo hubiera esperado.
La sociedad se ha transformado, es más abierta, no considera pecado el placer sensual y con la ayuda de medicamentos, hormonas y estrógeno, de psicoanalistas y sexólogos, las mujeres encuentran que en esta edad pueden encontrar formas que ni siquiera conseguían en su edad de máxima productividad, para sentirse satisfechas física y mentalmente.
Sheehy presenta a través de su interacción con científicos, ginecólogos, terapistas y por sobre todo, miles de mujeres un testimonio en el que afirma lo que dicen cientos de mujeres de haber encontrado su mejor momento en la vida...después de los cincuenta .
March 1, 2018
This was an interesting book. Yes, it was about sex but nothing specific or titillating. It was NOT an erotic book. It was a non-fiction book about the author's study on relationships involving women over 50. Yes, sex is a part of a relationship but it was mostly about how women change after 50 and enter into what the author calls their "second adulthood". During that "second adulthood" many things happen to their romantic relationships, whether they are married, single or dating. These women are looking to interact and grow/change in a relationship and it is very different from what they were searching for in their 20's and 30's. If they are still in a long standing committed relationship then it has to change or it won't survive for the long haul. I can totally relate as I am a woman over 50 and it was comforting to know that the journey I have been on in my 50's is common and it occurring to millions of women out there. We are all strong, creative, determined, "seasoned" women who are full of character - this time in our lives is not the beginning of the end, it is the beginning of a new beginning. :)
March 20, 2024
Sex and the Seasoned Woman
I enjoyed this book for the most part. There were A LOT of examples, maybe too many but i found it encouraging. I can recommend this book and I might listen to it again someday, why not!?
Favorite Quotes:
To be among the successfully long lived we must have cultivated some specific purpose or joy to wake up for a reason to fight another day. An appetite for seeing another sunset. The ultimate opportunity is to cultivate “second sight,” an awakening to a broader view of past and future and possibly, life after death. We call this state of mind transcendence.
I think my parents died of marriage.
Tonight Bebe is in a dormant phase. She doesn’t approach the table (of men) because once you lay down your cards, she said, you have to be ready to play out the hand. She’s not ready tonight.
When I don’t have what I want I make peace with what I have. You can lose so much energy worrying about what you don’t have. That doesn’t mean you have to stop dreaming or stop working on what you want and it doesn’t mean you won’t have it next time around.
This is a man who knows how to take charge of his life.
I enjoyed this book for the most part. There were A LOT of examples, maybe too many but i found it encouraging. I can recommend this book and I might listen to it again someday, why not!?
Favorite Quotes:
To be among the successfully long lived we must have cultivated some specific purpose or joy to wake up for a reason to fight another day. An appetite for seeing another sunset. The ultimate opportunity is to cultivate “second sight,” an awakening to a broader view of past and future and possibly, life after death. We call this state of mind transcendence.
I think my parents died of marriage.
Tonight Bebe is in a dormant phase. She doesn’t approach the table (of men) because once you lay down your cards, she said, you have to be ready to play out the hand. She’s not ready tonight.
When I don’t have what I want I make peace with what I have. You can lose so much energy worrying about what you don’t have. That doesn’t mean you have to stop dreaming or stop working on what you want and it doesn’t mean you won’t have it next time around.
This is a man who knows how to take charge of his life.
November 4, 2022
Don’t let the title fool you- this is not a racy “Carrie Bradshaw ish” beach read but rather the result of decades of research by Sheehy and others on the “developmental stage” of 45-80 women. One of my life’s 10 most important books- this book was the launching point for the kind of “second chapter” that all women/wives/mothers have a responsibility to plan for themselves. Watching my mother throw away her opportunity to craft a rich and fulfilling life post child-raising and instead descend into a sad, angry, isolated and resentful woman who felt the world and her family had abandoned her after she served a husband and children forced me to examine our need/obligation to understand what we want for ourselves … and unashamedly pursue it, for the benefit of our whole family. I have often thought how I owe Sheehy a massive “thank you” bouquet for writing the strategic plan for what’s next towards the most fulfilling and happy phase in a woman’s life!
January 29, 2020
Interesting read. Not a guide for an older woman dealing with sexual issues like I was expecting. More a documenting of the stages middle aged women go through in their "Second Adulthood." Very strong opinions on hormone therapy to treat lower libidos, which I did not agree with.
January 2, 2023
phenomenal
This book had me all over the place with thought and anticipation. Every woman over 40 should read this book and purchase one for you best girlfriend !!! It’s a game changer
This book had me all over the place with thought and anticipation. Every woman over 40 should read this book and purchase one for you best girlfriend !!! It’s a game changer
October 25, 2017
Essential reading for women over 50!
June 27, 2018
She blew me away. What a good read, with amazing insights.
March 22, 2024
Was a book club pick. Full of women’s stories, some relatable, some inspiring, some not…but still an enjoyable listen as the author is a beautiful and talented narrator. Also some enlightening info. For example, the correlation between estrogen level and orgasm intensity.
April 4, 2020
I found this book at Goodwill about 10 years ago, when, perhaps, I thought it was relevant to me. It has been sitting on my shelf for a long time. However, the title is somewhat misleading, it is more stories about the "seasoned" woman, than sex. It is also about age-ism. Sheehy highlights successess of various women in their "second adulthood." I found many of these stories interesting and inspiring. However, what I did not like was the author's emphasis on the physical attributes of the subjects. Many of the women were described as attractive and looking younger than their actual age. In addition, most of the women portrayed were of a higher income level, where successes are easier. She says, "The plight of older women who are impoverished or sick and alone is grave and growing but too large a subject for the scope of the present book." (44)
I was interested to learn that Sheehy herself is currently in her 80's. She wrote two subsequent books; it appears that her last published book was over five years ago in 2014, a memoir. I think that I will pass...
"Still others procrastinate, sticking with the status quo until life itself deals the next hand and forces a move." (50)
"But if ever chemistry has attracted a couple beyond all rational explanation, that romantic attraction can peak again." (119)
"What makes periods of illness bearable, when the normal routines and many of the pleasures of life are suspended, is the bond of souls." (251)
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." [Andre Maurois] (316)
I was interested to learn that Sheehy herself is currently in her 80's. She wrote two subsequent books; it appears that her last published book was over five years ago in 2014, a memoir. I think that I will pass...
"Still others procrastinate, sticking with the status quo until life itself deals the next hand and forces a move." (50)
"But if ever chemistry has attracted a couple beyond all rational explanation, that romantic attraction can peak again." (119)
"What makes periods of illness bearable, when the normal routines and many of the pleasures of life are suspended, is the bond of souls." (251)
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." [Andre Maurois] (316)
Read
February 5, 2009Famous for her 1976 book Passages and her compelling portraits of political figures for Vanity Fair, Gail Sheehy sets out to take the temperature of the Baby Boom's libido. Unfortunately, critics feel she has lost her grip on the zeitgeist. It seems that the author is the only one surprised that postmenopausal women are still having sex. The all-female cast of reviewers seems miffed that the book contains so little prurience on the part of Sheehy__further confirming her premise, if not her strategy. Maybe this is a useful book for those Sheehy classifies as WMDs (Women Married, Dammit) or LLs (Lowered Libidos), but the feeling is that most women have covered this turf already. Not that the critics are fooled; they begrudgingly admit that Sheehy will own the talk-show circuit for years to come on the back of this cunningly marketed book.
This is an excerpt from a review published in Bookmarks magazine.
Want to Read
December 5, 2012I meant... Some simple and closed minded ppl like bill... Etc. then my last sentence was Jim did t mean anything bad bout what u have he just doesnt learn about it like Why his mom is on Coumadin.... Too hard to learn bout it. And then he always refers to Linda as "her" or "she" and when i ask about what she does he always says "dont know"
I probably shoulda just called you. I spent alot of time being bis friend. And its like teenage stuff how he cant be around me with her. Oh bother
Marty came home from golfing and said he was golfing with a guy... (A guy hes got a guy) who gave him his card to come in for an estimate... Hes a dentist. AND HE does CASH!!!! So thats almost like 2 buckets of shit!! So when I get more of the taxes back.... He can get his teeth fixed
Sorry so long. But my lbs are up but my pants are fitting better ??
Sent from my iPhone
I probably shoulda just called you. I spent alot of time being bis friend. And its like teenage stuff how he cant be around me with her. Oh bother
Marty came home from golfing and said he was golfing with a guy... (A guy hes got a guy) who gave him his card to come in for an estimate... Hes a dentist. AND HE does CASH!!!! So thats almost like 2 buckets of shit!! So when I get more of the taxes back.... He can get his teeth fixed
Sorry so long. But my lbs are up but my pants are fitting better ??
Sent from my iPhone
April 27, 2008
I must admit that I have been a Gail Sheehy "Passages" fan since the 70's. Thank you for being in our corner and telling it like it is, in your gifted, forthcoming way, Gail!This book was a gift from a gentleman I was dating at the time. After reading the book, I realized his gift was a compliment. It was wonderful and I could identify with it in many positive ways. Gail's shared stories consistently make us feel sane and understood. I wake each day proud of who and what I have become.
July 26, 2010
There are lots of wonderful women out there who are able to make profound growth happen and rich lives occur after turning 50. I LOVE that! Oh and let's not forget that the sex talk is delightful too. It was enlightening for my husband. I got the book on tape as well as in print and we listened to a large section of it together, which was just as good as going to one of those "couple's retreats." Did I mention that the sex talk was great?
August 8, 2012
I get tired of reading about women who, once they reached their forties, dumped a bothersome spouse to run off into the sunset with new lovers, have great sex and exciting new careers. [...] So, books like this get on my nerves, because all along, I hear a little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that I hate sitting at a #$%^!! PC and do drudge work while it’s sunny outside and I don’t even get any benefits [...].
November 9, 2012
I'm almost 43 and I loved this book! It was so nice and comforting to hear other women's stories and get some helpful insight to what is down the road. Seems like the key is just WANTING and ALLOWING yourself to be happy and adventuresome. I will be mentally 'filling this one away' so I can go back to it in the future.
September 28, 2010
I shouldn't admit to reading this. It's not even really about sex (worse luck). There are a few sound ideas about women finding confidence, independence, and genuine identity later in life. Sadly, these ideas are buried in fluff and repetition.
August 11, 2011
Read this on a whim, has some really good stories and points. Gives me hope for the future. I would probably give it another star if i didn't feel so awkward about the title itself, wish it had been named something different.
May 20, 2012
This book explained me to myself! Enjoyable to read, with good real-life stories. I found my path to be reflected in the passages Sheehy describes "seasoned" women experienced. So glad to find out I'm "NORMAL." lol
August 10, 2013
An argument for feminism for women who apparently never considered it until mid-life. Nothing new for those of us who encountered and identified with feminist thinking years ago. I read about 3/4 of it...
October 19, 2008
I found this gem in the bargain books of Barnes and Noble. And for the self help junkie that is like finding the golden ticket.
December 13, 2008
I read an article about this book.. definitely on my TO READ list.. women need to not be so uptight about their sexuality.. just my thoughts!
March 17, 2009
Best book ever.
January 6, 2011
sure i'm not over 50, but someday i will be and there's always info we can gleam from just about everything
Want to Read
March 18, 2013can't wait to read this
September 27, 2013
I have to recommend this to all my female over 40 friends. This book isn't just about sex but living your life with passion. Please read.
January 17, 2018
Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life (Hardcover)
by Gail Sheehy
First Edition 2006.
by Gail Sheehy
First Edition 2006.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews