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330 pages, Paperback
First published November 30, 2015
There’s so much loss between us it’s almost as if we’ve built a graveyard with all the pieces of what was once our marriage. So much is gone and buried.
The true murderer of our love was life. We stopped living in our love and started dying in the mundane aspects of every day life.
“Regret is a painful thing. Few people understand that there are three important things that leave us and can never return. Words. Time. Opportunity. These are things we can never get back.”




“We’re all liars. We’re just pawning our souls to different devils.”
“What’s worse, living when you want to die or dying while you’re fighting to live?”

“Is it possible to love someone so much you hate them?”


"Sadness seeped into my veins, and it became a drug I would forever be a slave to."
“There’s nothing temporary about suicide.”
“What’s worse, living when you want to die or dying while you’re fighting to live?”
The true murderer of our love was life.

My eyes are superglued shut with regret and fear. My body is dead. My soul is dying. Nothing can save me now.
"In life we never know the battles others are facing. We don’t know the demons they are hiding. Everyone you have ever met is fighting something."




You're only as sick as your secrets. I don't know how much longer I can keep mine.
Lying works. Lying makes it all better. Lying is my gift to everyone around me.
Others see depressed people as weak, and all I want to tell them is they can never imagine the amount of strength it takes for us to do something as simple as getting out of bed in the mornings.
Pile some more on me
See how much I can take
Drowning in this life
Can't seem to ever escape
How do you make it better
When you don't even know what's wrong
Keep looking for the light
But I think I'm too far gone.

“…don’t take the life you have been given for granted because one day you may very well have to face them…”
“Depression is like water. It finds all of your cracks and trickles in inch by inch.”
“This house is my file cabinet, my prison. It’s piled high, full of bitter regrets, hidden pains, angry words and broken promises.”
“I’ve traded temporary pain for an eternity of loss. It was all for naught.”
“Is it possible to love someone so much you hate them?”
“I just want the man I love to see me, hear me.”
“When I met you, I knew I would love you. When I lost you, I knew I hadn’t loved you enough.”
“There’s nothing temporary about suicide.”




“In life we never know the battles others are facing. We don’t know the demons they are hiding.”
“Sometimes allowing the darkness to consume you is easier than fighting for the light.”
“The true murderer of our love was life. We stopped living in our love and started dying in the mundane aspects of everyday life. Then my depression came back hard and heavy. We were doomed, and at the time I thought there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
“Suicide doesn’t happen all at once. It starts small. Those early seductive whispers of nagging self-talk, worthlessness, self-hate, fear, or sadness curl into your ears subtly at first. Eventually it mutates into a relentless roar. You really don’t see death coming until suddenly, in one deeply dark moment, you’re face to face with it.
Dying doesn’t even scare me anymore. I’ve been slowly dying for sometime now, so the actual idea of death seems like a certainty more than a choice.”
“You’re human. It’s the human condition to judge, to make mistakes, but now you must see the error of your ways, acknowledge them and make peace with them.
Child, you’re not going to see what an awful person you are. You’re going to see how awful you are not. That should scare you more than the latter. It’s easier to see the bad of who we are rather than accept the goodness we encompass. This is part of your journey.”
“I felt I was saving them from me, it seems as though I should’ve tried harder to save myself for them.”“Suicide doesn’t take away pain,
it gives it to others.”
“A part of all of us died with her. I can forgive her for killing a part of me. I’m not sure I can ever forgive her for what this has done to our kids.”
“Most of all, I would want to tell you how much you mattered to me, to our children, and to all of the people who loved you so much. Because you did, you do, and no matter how much time goes by without you, that will never change. You’ll always matter. You’ll always be important and never will you ever be forgotten. You’ve left a lasting impression here on this earth with every life you’ve ever touched. I know you had forgotten who you were, and if I could give you one thing to take with you wherever you are, it would be this: you were an amazing woman, wife, daughter, sister, and friend with an unforgettable spirit that will live on in the two little lives that you created.”
“Even though every day with my mother wasn’t the happiest, the unhappiest days were better than no days at all. I’ve missed her all my life, especially on those days when all a girl wants is her mom.”
“Let the hate go, Dev. As soon as you let the hate go, you’ll feel the love. It’s there. It’s always been there, but the hate has been hiding it.”
“Regret is a painful thing. Few people understand that there are three important things that leave us and can never return. Words. Time. Opportunity. These are things we can never get back. Not even in death. Sadly, your regret is warranted.”
“My children needed me and I left them. All of those things she wrote weren’t even a thought in my mind when I did what I did. All I could think about was how I would no longer be a burden to my family. Now I see that I burdened them so much more by doing what I did.”
“ I understand what you went through and you were never alone, no matter how alone you felt in your life. Everyone handles pain differently. That doesn’t mean I’m stronger or that you were wrong.”