Skeletons

by Al Sarrantonio

In Moscow, the sound of bones echoes across Red Square. In America, skeletons patrol the streets of Manhattan and blood stains the confields of the Midwest. While in Washington, D. C., Abraham Lincoln is heading for his third term in the White House.

The best-and worst-of humanity are back with a vengenace, a skeletal army hell-bent on conquering the living and uniting the world under the banner of the dead.

Against this bloody backdrop of global horror, a small group of refugees find themselves drawn together by a single vision and a shared fate: to determine whether the last two humans on earth will survive or join the ranks of the newly risen.

SKELETONS

Terrifying and outrageous, Skeletons is a roller coaster ride into the fibrillating heart of darkness by one of horror's scariest writers.

Genres: Horror, Fiction, Audiobook, Supernatural

416 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published June 1, 1992

About the author

Al Sarrantonio was an American horror and science fiction writer, editor and publisher who authored more than 50 books and 90 short stories. He also edited numerous anthologies.

Reviews

[Quentin Wallace · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was better than it had any right to be. From the description, it sounded a little silly. The dead come back as skeletons? Well, okay, that's a zombie novel. But Abraham Lincoln ends up back in the White House? A bit much. However, it works.

This came out in 1992, just past what I call the "Paperbacks from hell" phase of the 1980s, but it could have fit in there. The 80s were sort of the golden age for odd horror paperbacks.

As I was saying, this was really good. It had horror, it had humor, it had good characters. Several figures from history end up coming back to life, but rather than being campy (at times it's campy on purpose), it's all handled very well.

This was different, and I enjoyed it.

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Horror and terror with some comic relief. Well told tale. Completely enjoyed. New spin on starting over.

[Signor Mambrino · Rating 2 out of 5]

This wasn't bad. A lot like The Stand but with... Skeletons. 2.5/5

[Darran · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started reading this, I had a smirk and was looking forward to ripping it to shreds in a review after. As I progressed though, I found myself developing a strong fondness for it. If I was to liken it to any other book, it would be, "The Stand." The whole post-apocalyptic setting where one group is pitted against the other. A genuine positive surprise.

[Steven Kinzler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good potboiler for by the pool. Best if you don't think too hard about it.

[Stefania · Rating 3 out of 5]

"In ogni uomo guerra e pace sono unite. Ogni uomo è un campo di battaglia..."

[Henry Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this! Definitely a cool as shit take.

[Matthew Feagley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dumb, but in a good way. Fun stuff pretty much all the way through.

[Jason Thompson · Rating 1 out of 5]

The earth passes through an area of "strange plasma, space fog, unknown gas particles, or whatever" (actual quote), causing every animal which has every lived to rise from the grave, all the way back to dinosaurs. (Do they need to have intact skeletons? It's unclear. For that matter, isn't the soil itself mostly made of the remains of millions of dead plants and animals?) The dead have all their memories and personalities, but they're bad-tempered and have an irrational hatred for living humans which makes them want to kill/convert them all. They appear in the form of skeletons with a transparent ghost-body (including, apparently, ghost-clothes), but they're sort of alive: they enjoy drinking booze, eating food (only vegetables) and apparently having sex, although they latter is thankfully mostly left to our imagination. Thankfully for humanity, the skeletons are just as mortal as normal people: if you shoot someone in the heart, and wait a moment for them to skeletonize, you can shoot them again in their invisible place-where-their-heart-should-be and they'll die again and turn to dust.

But whatever: that's the rules as the author establishes them: it's a cheap shot picking apart the ridiculous ghost-logic Sarrantonio establishes for this story since, as is obvious from the jacket text, "Skeletons" is a very silly book. (The 1990s paperback edition had a cool minimalist skull cover, but the Kindle edition's cover looks more fittingly trashy.) The story is told from the perspectives of four characters: basically there's a good man, a good woman, a bad man (he's a strung-out punk rocker a la Johnny Rotten, named Peter Garbage), and the resurrected skeleton of Abraham Lincoln, who wakes up disoriented in his tomb, reconnects with his loving family, and eventually is re-nominated by his fellow skeletons to be the new president of the United States. Meanwhile, the human heroes go from one ill-fated group of survivors to the next, evading the skeletons and spending weeks traveling across the land, presumably living off of fruits and vegetables since all animals turn to skeletons and then to dust the moment you catch them. (How do carnivores, like the good guy's pet wolf, survive?) Fortunately for the humans, after the first few chapters when the humans are mostly mopped up, the skeletons spend most of their time fighting amongst themselves, allowing Sarrantonio to name-drop tons of historical figures ("Hemingway's skeleton did this, and Archimedes did this, and Richard Nixon is doing this...").

I read this book hoping it'd hit the same sweet spots as a zombie novel -- the dead rising, converting the living -- but despite a few scary moments, it's too dumb to work as a postapocalyptic survival novel. OTOH, it almost works as an apocalyptic supernatural black comedy, and Sarrantonio obviously wants it to be one (my favorite line: Lincoln thinking "I felt hollow inside"), but most of the humor is cheesy (i.e., terrible skeleton pop songs). The real problem is that it doesn't go far enough either way: while half of the book is a comedy, the struggles of the two "good guys" are presented completely straight, with evil skeleton pursuers, tragic deaths, prophetic dreams and an Adam & Eve legend (so, no prizes for guessing if they'll survive or not) as they try to survive as long as possible until a second totally arbitrary miracle erases the skeletons from existence. It's like Sarrantonio didn't trust the book to be a full satire or comedy, and had to also try to make it "Stephen King's The Stand" in case anyone was actually taking this seriously. The silly/epic clash of moods, the lack of motivation for the skeletons, the totally arbitrary (yet predictable) ending and the imagery of people slitting skeletons' invisible ghost-throats makes this a 2 as a comedy or a 1 as an apocalyptic novel, rounding down to 1. When it comes to envisioning every dead thing instantly coming back to life, I enjoyed Daily Dinosaur Comics' 1/16/2013 strip ( http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic... ) more in six panels than I enjoyed this entire book.

[Kevin Lucia · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting take on the "zombie apocalypse" trope. Like Bian Keene's "The Rising" we have something other than a virus, or radioactive sludge, and there's the hint of a Higher Hand behind the rising of the skeletons, but that's pretty much eclipsed by the epic cast of characters which, fortunately, is engrossing enough to make you know care too much about the 'why' of the skeletons' rise. Honestly, what was more interesting than anything was Sarrrantonio's ideas of what would happen with so many historical/political/artistic greats suddenly reanimated and vying for a place in the world. Anyway, this novel is staple Sarrantonio: what sounds like a ridiculous plot in his hands is a pretty entertaining read.

[Patti · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't finish it, so this review is only for the first third or so of the book.

Anyone who reads my reviews knows my feelings on sentient zombies. Guess I shoulda actually READ the description when I put it on my TBR list instead of just going by a list of "good" zombie books.

I have trouble enough with sentient zombies, but sentient skeletons? How the hell are they talking? How the hell are they moving?

I just gave up. Too many good books out there to waste time on one I'm damn sure I won't like.

[Fishface · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goofy little novel about all the dead people on earth coming back to life as very angry skeletons and making war on the living. Interesting detours into what (after) life is like as a skeleton, from the point of view of dead folk like Abe Lincoln.

[Nathan Moore · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of my favorite. Abraham Lincoln back as president. Hitler back in control or Geremany, The Beatles again on top of the music charts...al at the same time.

[Sal Dinapoli · Rating 5 out of 5]

FAntastic book, I've read it about 5 times, and want to find it and read it again!

[Ricki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cool premise and very interesting story. Pacing, though, was not the fastest, and I found it slowed my reading down.