WE HAVE A WINNER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!
I sooooo did not see this coming. This book passed every single test. The moment I thought the "big misunderstanding" was about to happen, it didn't! I was dreading that one of the MCs was going to be injured/attacked, cue dramatic hospital scene, didn't happen! I just loved it! And the best thing of all was that it totally snuck up on me.
First, this is not for the impatient and for the adrenaline junkies. If you need suspense and plot twists with your mm, this is not for you. It is a true slow-burn romance that rocked my socks off, but some might find it boring, so be warned.
Second, this is the single best portrayal of true denial I have ever read. So often in mm romance, one of the MCs will be in the closet/in denial about his sexuality with absolutely no qualms about acting on said sexuality, as long as "we don't call it that." The character might f*ck like there's no tomorrow, but still argue that he is NOT GAY. What was refreshing about this story was that Rock, short for Rockford, was in denial, in the closet, and freaking acted like it! The depiction of him going back and forth, doubting himself, experiencing shame, anger, disgust about his desires was extremely realistic and what's more, his actions were 100% congruent with his inner turmoil. He didn't conveniently give in and then regret it, running away etc. He acted on it when he was truly ready. And the author didn't just say so, we were shown every single step in Rock's personal growth and change.
Carter was the male escort who Rock crushed on. Again, the rent-boy storyline is not new to the mm genre by no means, but the author managed to escape the standard cliches of the "I am a whore, I am worthless" plot. Carter was very confident and comfortable in his skin, thank you very much, and yes, he did crumble, he did lose his footing, and he did develop self-esteem issues when the time came. But he did it with dignity, with authenticity, broke the f*ck down devoid of teenage-like theatrics, put on his big boy pants, and got the hell over it.
I think what won me over the most was how
real
the dialogue felt. I actually felt that I was reading about two real people having a real conversation. As Rock came to the realization that what he was feeling wasn't going away and he couldn't avoid it any longer, he started expressing his emotions to Carter. And the way he did so was so goddamm beautiful, so honest, so vulnerable, I wanted to reach out, give him hot cocoa, and tell him it's gonna be ok. And the amazing thing was that he was so...simple. His words were simple, his reactions were measured, there was nothing to make him unbelievable in any way.
If there is one thing that I would have liked to see done differently was Carter's photography hobby/future career. His alternative option to being a male escort was to focus on his art. How convenient. I see this a lot in rent-boy plots and I can't help but wonder, isn't the person lucky to have a talent they can potentially make a living off of that has not suffered the lack of working experience any other profession would require? And that's what takes a little of the realism I was raving about away. In real life, not everyone is talented like that. Some people have to work hard to learn a trade, or go to school, or just work their way up from zero. I want to see how a person would choose to quit the escort services and start over with absolutely no qualifications to use. No artsy talent to fall back on. What then? Would they go back to school? Get a job flipping burgers?
My little tirade aside, I loved this book and it's going proudly to my favorite list. In case I forgot to mention, the sex scenes are scorching hot when they eventually come, so don't worry about entering an angst-fest with no goodies. There's just enough angst towards the end to tip the balance scales and make the story not boring. I highly highly recommend this to fans of the in denial/in the closet trope.
Copy provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.