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Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years With Mom
Funny, poignant, and wise, Designated The Bonus Years with Mom is D .G. Fulford's uplifting story of how, after her father's death, she returned home to become her mother's closest companion--a move that brought her more in return than she could ever have expected.
D.G. recalls how she and her mother--a pair who are opposites in almost every way, including how they unload the dishwasher--came together to learn what it means to be best friends, and to need each other in the truest sense. Sharing her experience of the lessons, expectations, and surprises involved with caregiving, D.G. also reveals her unique perspective as daughter, mother, and grandmother--and the wonderful ways to honor four generations of family. D.G.'s eighty-eight-year-old mother, Phyllis Greene, adds her own remarkable voice, contributing her point of view at the end of each chapter.
With humor and grace, D.G. and her mom talk about keeping in touch with D.G.'s two brothers as the entire family copes with the challenges and pleasures of change and transition. Woven throughout are the stories of other mothers and daughters who, despite many hardships and sacrifices, manage to draw from their mutual love and support and embrace these bonus years together as an opportunity to celebrate each other's insight.
This is a heartwarming, refreshing, and inspiring mother-daughter story about sharing the very best years. Moving, sensitive, and above all, honest, Designated Daughter speaks to the joys and privileges of bringing generations together toward the end of life--a hopeful message for mothers and their children everywhere.
D.G. recalls how she and her mother--a pair who are opposites in almost every way, including how they unload the dishwasher--came together to learn what it means to be best friends, and to need each other in the truest sense. Sharing her experience of the lessons, expectations, and surprises involved with caregiving, D.G. also reveals her unique perspective as daughter, mother, and grandmother--and the wonderful ways to honor four generations of family. D.G.'s eighty-eight-year-old mother, Phyllis Greene, adds her own remarkable voice, contributing her point of view at the end of each chapter.
With humor and grace, D.G. and her mom talk about keeping in touch with D.G.'s two brothers as the entire family copes with the challenges and pleasures of change and transition. Woven throughout are the stories of other mothers and daughters who, despite many hardships and sacrifices, manage to draw from their mutual love and support and embrace these bonus years together as an opportunity to celebrate each other's insight.
This is a heartwarming, refreshing, and inspiring mother-daughter story about sharing the very best years. Moving, sensitive, and above all, honest, Designated Daughter speaks to the joys and privileges of bringing generations together toward the end of life--a hopeful message for mothers and their children everywhere.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
208 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
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37 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
September 26, 2012
I can’t really decide what I thought of this. It was an interesting look at the deep and beautiful bond between a mother and a daughter as the daughter becomes caretaker, but the daughter isn’t a particularly lovable character. I did like hearing the mother’s voice at the end of each chapter. In the end, though, the book’s lack of spiritual truth left me feeling a bit empty—-watching people approach death (the authors are very candid about its inevitability, the “elephant” following them) without Christ is disconcerting at the very least, and difficult to read.
February 20, 2016
*SPOILERS*
Okay, first day reading just the daughter's take on this in the first chapter.
Someone else recommended I read this figuring that this would "fit" me. As usual I think I'm not going to be happy with this book as the fit is not really good on me. Is this going to be one of those "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" books, sappy and moralizing, simplifying grief and a difficult part of life for people who need to be comforted in that way because they don't want to face the difficult and sometimes unanswerable questions in life? I'll be pissed if I waste my time on one of those well intended recommendations.
I'll read on then, at least one or two more chapters.
To me this book is the kind of book you'd like if you read women's magazines. I found it to be lacking in any true detail that I found while taking care of my Mother as she was dying of cancer or my Father during his decline through Dementia for that matter. It seemed that these two people had a good amount of money to be able to get reasonable help to come in to take care of the elder woman. It was like caretaking light. The younger woman didn't even live with her Mother. (I'm on page #171 so this close to the end I'm assuming nothing has changed at all in the story.)
The inside jokes and the cute euphemisms didn't make this book any easier to swallow. I guess it's suppose to make the "difficult" story lighthearted. I liked the Mother's take on what's going on much better than the daughter's. She wasn't as much of a twit maybe because she was declining in health. This book should have been made into a children's picture book.
What bothers me is that these two people are/were real and I really don't care about their story.
The moral of this story is: sometimes if you find that the writer(s) annoy you with their story in the first two chapters you should stop reading the book.
An addendum:
It seems this book angered me more than I expected and I think it reflects in my review. I won't be changing my stars or anything but I'm going to add a few things now that I have finished the book.
I expected the Mother to die in the end. I mean they talked about the "elephant" death in the beginning and end. She doesn't die. That annoyed me. I think the fact that my relationship with my Mother was different than their relationship annoyed me. It seemed the whole book assumed all women have this kind of relationship with their Mother when it comes to caretaking. Their lives were not that amazing. And their was very little in the way of dealing with serious crisis and daily nuts and bolts when it comes to taking care of a loved one when they are declining fast. So I got nothing out of this book.
I wish these two well. I'm not a monster. I am glad I did not buy this book. It was a waste of my reading time.
Okay, first day reading just the daughter's take on this in the first chapter.
Someone else recommended I read this figuring that this would "fit" me. As usual I think I'm not going to be happy with this book as the fit is not really good on me. Is this going to be one of those "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" books, sappy and moralizing, simplifying grief and a difficult part of life for people who need to be comforted in that way because they don't want to face the difficult and sometimes unanswerable questions in life? I'll be pissed if I waste my time on one of those well intended recommendations.
I'll read on then, at least one or two more chapters.
To me this book is the kind of book you'd like if you read women's magazines. I found it to be lacking in any true detail that I found while taking care of my Mother as she was dying of cancer or my Father during his decline through Dementia for that matter. It seemed that these two people had a good amount of money to be able to get reasonable help to come in to take care of the elder woman. It was like caretaking light. The younger woman didn't even live with her Mother. (I'm on page #171 so this close to the end I'm assuming nothing has changed at all in the story.)
The inside jokes and the cute euphemisms didn't make this book any easier to swallow. I guess it's suppose to make the "difficult" story lighthearted. I liked the Mother's take on what's going on much better than the daughter's. She wasn't as much of a twit maybe because she was declining in health. This book should have been made into a children's picture book.
What bothers me is that these two people are/were real and I really don't care about their story.
The moral of this story is: sometimes if you find that the writer(s) annoy you with their story in the first two chapters you should stop reading the book.
An addendum:
It seems this book angered me more than I expected and I think it reflects in my review. I won't be changing my stars or anything but I'm going to add a few things now that I have finished the book.
I expected the Mother to die in the end. I mean they talked about the "elephant" death in the beginning and end. She doesn't die. That annoyed me. I think the fact that my relationship with my Mother was different than their relationship annoyed me. It seemed the whole book assumed all women have this kind of relationship with their Mother when it comes to caretaking. Their lives were not that amazing. And their was very little in the way of dealing with serious crisis and daily nuts and bolts when it comes to taking care of a loved one when they are declining fast. So I got nothing out of this book.
I wish these two well. I'm not a monster. I am glad I did not buy this book. It was a waste of my reading time.
August 31, 2008
My Review of DESIGNATED DAUGHTER by D. G. Fulford with Phyllis Greene
In Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years with Mom, D. G. Fulford with her mother, Phyllis Greene, gives everyone who reads this book a bonus! Readers will find a witty, touching, and inspirational story of a mother and daughter and how their relationship grows and changes with age and through life’s experiences. After D. G.’s father dies, she decides it is best to move back home to be closer to her mother. She returns expecting to be a care giver for her mother, but D. G. quickly realizes she will be on the receiving end of care in many ways for very much of the time. As this mother-daughter team becomes friends and partners, the reader is led to reevaluate or remember their own relationship with their mother.
Uniquely told, D. G. Fulford writes of the journey she makes but the book is richly enhanced by her mother, Phyllis Greene, adding her take on things at the end of each chapter. Phyllis Greene became an author herself at the age of 82 and their shared careers are a good foundation for the bond that develops. Both are different in many ways, but they soon discover that their mutual needs are met by their sharing this special time together. D. G. relates how their lives changed following her father’s death and how they share so much together very much like many mothers and daughters do in the same situation. She realizes there are many mother and daughter partnerships like theirs and thus gives herself, and those like her, the nickname of “designated daughters”.
Everyday chores and experiences are dealt with but in a shared manner, with support and love, as well as adversity and sacrifices. The story also includes the role the rest of their family plays in important decisions for their mother as well as normal family celebrations and heartaches that are shared. Laced with stories of D. G.’s and Phyllis’s friends’ own shared experiences, the story is enriched with the celebration of each of these relationships.
As Mrs. .Green ages and her health takes the normal turn that age will inevitably play on one’s life, the bond grows with D. G. and this heartwarming, joyfully honest, and uplifting account gives all of us hope for the future and for the love that is shared with parent and child.
Originally published at Curled Up With a Good Book (curledup.com) by Karen Haney, August, 2008
In Designated Daughter: The Bonus Years with Mom, D. G. Fulford with her mother, Phyllis Greene, gives everyone who reads this book a bonus! Readers will find a witty, touching, and inspirational story of a mother and daughter and how their relationship grows and changes with age and through life’s experiences. After D. G.’s father dies, she decides it is best to move back home to be closer to her mother. She returns expecting to be a care giver for her mother, but D. G. quickly realizes she will be on the receiving end of care in many ways for very much of the time. As this mother-daughter team becomes friends and partners, the reader is led to reevaluate or remember their own relationship with their mother.
Uniquely told, D. G. Fulford writes of the journey she makes but the book is richly enhanced by her mother, Phyllis Greene, adding her take on things at the end of each chapter. Phyllis Greene became an author herself at the age of 82 and their shared careers are a good foundation for the bond that develops. Both are different in many ways, but they soon discover that their mutual needs are met by their sharing this special time together. D. G. relates how their lives changed following her father’s death and how they share so much together very much like many mothers and daughters do in the same situation. She realizes there are many mother and daughter partnerships like theirs and thus gives herself, and those like her, the nickname of “designated daughters”.
Everyday chores and experiences are dealt with but in a shared manner, with support and love, as well as adversity and sacrifices. The story also includes the role the rest of their family plays in important decisions for their mother as well as normal family celebrations and heartaches that are shared. Laced with stories of D. G.’s and Phyllis’s friends’ own shared experiences, the story is enriched with the celebration of each of these relationships.
As Mrs. .Green ages and her health takes the normal turn that age will inevitably play on one’s life, the bond grows with D. G. and this heartwarming, joyfully honest, and uplifting account gives all of us hope for the future and for the love that is shared with parent and child.
Originally published at Curled Up With a Good Book (curledup.com) by Karen Haney, August, 2008
September 17, 2008
I went to the library without a list so I browsed the new book shelf and came up with this one. It's a beautiful look and tribute at caring for an elderly parent. I'm ashamed to say I never looked at this task, which may fall to me as the childless spinster of the family (though my sister is closer physically and emotionally, so who knows), with anything but dread, an interruption of my "real life," a stultifying burden. While my relationship with my mother is not the idyllic one DG portrays, it was really wonderful to read of this as an opportunity rather than an obligation. I cried lots while reading it.
January 29, 2015
i very much enjoyed this book. Having seen my own Mom's and Grandmother's relationship, i understood a few things better. And this book is written in a way that you can apply what you get out of it to all kinds of relationships. Having both the daughter and the mother write parts of each chapter gave me wonderful perspective of both sides of the Designated Daughter relationship. I will definitely seek out more of Fulford's work to read!
June 13, 2009
A great book and "must read" for any daughter who is traveling this road with her mother. It made me step back from the frustration and time consumption that a designated daughter experiences, and revel in this time we have together.
June 24, 2008
About a daughter and her mother, the daughter in her new role as the caretaker. Laughter and tears, an easy read. True story.
August 31, 2008
Easy read memoir written by mom and daughter about the impact of aging on both and the positives/negatives and how their lives intertwine
November 4, 2008
I love this book for so many reasons. So much to relate to and even more that I wished for. I would consider it a must read if you're a mother or a daughter.
June 24, 2009
This was tough as it described me the past 16 years with my mom before her death.
Want to read
November 14, 2011Looks good.
July 21, 2012
A tribute to caregivers and growing old gracefully.
February 6, 2016
non-fiction
January 8, 2017
Very sweet book about mothers and the daughters who care for them.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews