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Ask Me How It Works: Love in an Open Marriage
In the early hours of dawn in Amsterdam, Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed into the arms of her husband, whose contentment is mellow alongside her own. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible — even if it wasn’t always this easy.
You might have questions. Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? In this memoir, Deepa offers her answers openly and tenderly, as she explores the truth to questions of her own. Can I ask for what I want, and still honour the life I have chosen? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?
Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s story of discovering her own desires and how to liberate them, of shifting identities from mother to lover and back again, and of finding the courage to ask for the marriage she wanted, beyond the marriage she had.
One question at a time.
You might have questions. Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? In this memoir, Deepa offers her answers openly and tenderly, as she explores the truth to questions of her own. Can I ask for what I want, and still honour the life I have chosen? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?
Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s story of discovering her own desires and how to liberate them, of shifting identities from mother to lover and back again, and of finding the courage to ask for the marriage she wanted, beyond the marriage she had.
One question at a time.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
400 pages, Hardcover
First published April 8, 2025
26 people are currently reading
355 people want to read
About the author
Deepa Paul
1 book4 followersDeepa Paul is a Filipina-Indian author living in Amsterdam. Her writing explores the balance between being a mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter, adventurer, and herself – all at the same time.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
May 9, 2025
ARC Review
3.5 Stars
This book comes out tomorrow, and I am so excited for such an amazing and important voice to be propelled into the market – at the same time, I have some concerns about certain aspects of this book. So, let’s deep dive!
This book is a memoir by Deepa Paul, a polyamorous woman of Filipino-Indian heritage living in Amsterdam with her husband and daughter. This memoir is almost in the form of a conversation, each chapter a question she gets frequently asked about her open marriage, responding with deeply reflective insights into her childhood in the Philippines, the beginning of her relationship with Marcus, her husband, their development into open marriage, the tides and turns and growth of it, as well as the growth of her daughter and their life in Amsterdam.
The writing is absolutely stunning and delicious to read – I picked this book up and did not put it down! Deepa delivers her experiences in a magical way that draws you into her world, as though she was giving you a big, warm hug and you do not want to let go.
As an international myself, I also really enjoyed the inclusion of words from different languages every once in a while – like a little treat!
I also really enjoyed the set-up of having each chapter be a question that Deepa answers. It really gives this memoir a structure that helps frame her experiences and delivers insights and lessons she learned in a way that allows any reader to take something away from it (whether they relate to her lifestyle or not).
Now, to my main quarrels with this book.
First of all, sometimes when Deepa refers to her mother or once, towards the end, also herself, she sets her and herself apart by saying that they are “different” from “the other mothers” or women out there. Now, in itself, being different is not a problem, but in relation to calling her mother special and great, it is giving “she’s not like the other girls” (specifically the part where she says her mother was “the cool wife” for joining her husband and the men on a trip to a “girlie bar”…). Personally, especially in a book as empowering as this, I think this could have been communicated in a way without doing a stab at other women. Especially considering that she mentions the constraints from expectations on wives and mothers in the Philippines, and while her mother breaking free from that and doing her own thing is great, there is no need to play down other mothers who had little to no choice in living in this environment. I am all for empowerment and stepping outside of what is expected of you as a woman, but I also wholeheartedly believe that there is no reason to judge other women for working with the cards that have been dealt to them. Her mother is undoubtedly amazing, but that does not need to come at the cost of other women. This was a little disappointing and slightly unnecessary in my eyes.
Now, my second and biggest quarrel. I will give a spoiler warning here but I do believe this is important for people to know going into it, especially those that feel sensitive towards issues around domestic abuse, violence and threats. Personally, I was incredibly surprised and taken aback by what I am about to mention, as I did not feel like that is what I signed up for.
After Marcus finds out about Deepa having cheated on him (prior to them being in an open marriage), he calls her while she is out and says, word for word, “Do not come home or I will kill you.”. Now, I am not sure what other people’s thoughts are on this but I find this very scary and was so taken aback reading this. I understand that he is allowed to be upset, mad, angry and all the things under the sun but what happens next cements my reasoning here even more.
When she does get home, after him slamming the door in her face and physically pushing her out of the apartment and onto the hallway floor, calling her a bitch in a rageful fit, with neighbours even coming out to check in whether Deepa is okay (because what the hell?), he punches her. He. Punches. Her. In. The. Gut. I felt sick reading this. I feel like if this was in any fiction book, people would immediately call this out as a red flag and not okay, but seeing as this is a memoir, it is so hard to say something about this and I feel terrible trying to put this into words because these are real people, living real lives putting their all out there for people to read.
I do think it is so important to say something about this though, because I am truly worried that impressionable people will pick this up and take away that that is okay. Especially because of what Deepa says just two sentences later: “I knew then that I would rather die than feel this way again, or cause him this kind of pain.”. Now, I want to note that I am not taking it out of context, this is word for word and then after that, there is no reference at all, ever, to his violence. Not in their therapy sessions, not in the rest of the book – it just gets dropped and not picked up again. This truly worries me about what this is saying and how people will receive it. Deepa does mention their move to non-violent communication through therapy, but I feel this conscious choice could have been adressed more.
I keep feeling uneasy at times, as things keeps appearing in her writing, talking about his “jealous rages”, “flare-ups of jealousy”, that he "blew up" and "snapped", saying that her dating (in an open marriage then) was his “pressure valve, the only acceptable excuse for him to lash out and unleash the feelings he bottled up to get through the day”, saying at times she felt like the “guilty part, having to placate him”...
Now, personally, while understanding relationships require work and effort and are never all happy all the time, all of this does instinctively not feel okay. Deepa later says "The intensity of difficult moments has softened from visceral threat to tolerable, even negligible discomfort.". Now, visceral threat is a strong word that I don't expect in a relationship.. And then: “Experience had taught us that moments of discomfort were temporary and would pass, and that our relationship was bigger and stronger than any of them.” But is all of what I have just described really just moments of “discomfort”? Again, my main issue here is the message this is sending and I want people to know what they are getting into here, especially those sensitive to issues like these. I want to be a voice to something that goes a little untouched in this book because I haven't seen anyone talk about this so far.
I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this as this really, truly, conflicts me. I believe couples can work through cheating and all sorts of things, and clearly they seem happy together now and this was their rough and patchy road to having a relationship that works for them, but the lack of reflection or commenting on this really worries me.
It was great that they got professional help, and I fully support that and think that is sensible and the therapists would be able to gauge whether there is need for worry or not - so again, I am not trying to criticise their relationship but the way these experiences are framed in the writing. In the end, Marcus was always ready and willing to better himself and wanted to grow and do the work, i.e. via therapy, which is such an important part to mention here. My main issue is not Marcus, or Deepa, or their relationship, but the lack of reflection shown to us (clearly they are both very reflective people). Clearly, their upbringing surrounded by strict expectations around love and marriage and also around what it means to be a man and a woman, has influenced them both and there is likely a lot at play here in Marcus' reactions and behaviours and Deepa's responses and I wish this would have been dissected more. At least to say, this violence is a reaction to an internalised expectation of what it means to be a man and something that they tackle together because they are both more than what is expected of them (which is so much of what this book is about) - recognising it would go so much further and ensure this is not seen as a normal reaction to hurt. To the readers: please, please, please, do not accept violence as normal and take this as an individual case with a huge grain of salt.
Being able to do that, and continue reading, what really stood out to me overall from this book was Deepa living in her own power and making her world into something that works for her. Her not letting herself or her needs down in the face of expectations placed on women in marriages and motherhood and life overall is inspiring and something we all need to hear and see more: Women living their lives, full of love and passion and wholeheartedness.
Thank you Deepa for sharing your power with us – it will be all the better for all of us.
3.5 Stars
This book comes out tomorrow, and I am so excited for such an amazing and important voice to be propelled into the market – at the same time, I have some concerns about certain aspects of this book. So, let’s deep dive!
This book is a memoir by Deepa Paul, a polyamorous woman of Filipino-Indian heritage living in Amsterdam with her husband and daughter. This memoir is almost in the form of a conversation, each chapter a question she gets frequently asked about her open marriage, responding with deeply reflective insights into her childhood in the Philippines, the beginning of her relationship with Marcus, her husband, their development into open marriage, the tides and turns and growth of it, as well as the growth of her daughter and their life in Amsterdam.
The writing is absolutely stunning and delicious to read – I picked this book up and did not put it down! Deepa delivers her experiences in a magical way that draws you into her world, as though she was giving you a big, warm hug and you do not want to let go.
As an international myself, I also really enjoyed the inclusion of words from different languages every once in a while – like a little treat!
I also really enjoyed the set-up of having each chapter be a question that Deepa answers. It really gives this memoir a structure that helps frame her experiences and delivers insights and lessons she learned in a way that allows any reader to take something away from it (whether they relate to her lifestyle or not).
Now, to my main quarrels with this book.
First of all, sometimes when Deepa refers to her mother or once, towards the end, also herself, she sets her and herself apart by saying that they are “different” from “the other mothers” or women out there. Now, in itself, being different is not a problem, but in relation to calling her mother special and great, it is giving “she’s not like the other girls” (specifically the part where she says her mother was “the cool wife” for joining her husband and the men on a trip to a “girlie bar”…). Personally, especially in a book as empowering as this, I think this could have been communicated in a way without doing a stab at other women. Especially considering that she mentions the constraints from expectations on wives and mothers in the Philippines, and while her mother breaking free from that and doing her own thing is great, there is no need to play down other mothers who had little to no choice in living in this environment. I am all for empowerment and stepping outside of what is expected of you as a woman, but I also wholeheartedly believe that there is no reason to judge other women for working with the cards that have been dealt to them. Her mother is undoubtedly amazing, but that does not need to come at the cost of other women. This was a little disappointing and slightly unnecessary in my eyes.
Now, my second and biggest quarrel. I will give a spoiler warning here but I do believe this is important for people to know going into it, especially those that feel sensitive towards issues around domestic abuse, violence and threats. Personally, I was incredibly surprised and taken aback by what I am about to mention, as I did not feel like that is what I signed up for.
After Marcus finds out about Deepa having cheated on him (prior to them being in an open marriage), he calls her while she is out and says, word for word, “Do not come home or I will kill you.”. Now, I am not sure what other people’s thoughts are on this but I find this very scary and was so taken aback reading this. I understand that he is allowed to be upset, mad, angry and all the things under the sun but what happens next cements my reasoning here even more.
When she does get home, after him slamming the door in her face and physically pushing her out of the apartment and onto the hallway floor, calling her a bitch in a rageful fit, with neighbours even coming out to check in whether Deepa is okay (because what the hell?), he punches her. He. Punches. Her. In. The. Gut. I felt sick reading this. I feel like if this was in any fiction book, people would immediately call this out as a red flag and not okay, but seeing as this is a memoir, it is so hard to say something about this and I feel terrible trying to put this into words because these are real people, living real lives putting their all out there for people to read.
I do think it is so important to say something about this though, because I am truly worried that impressionable people will pick this up and take away that that is okay. Especially because of what Deepa says just two sentences later: “I knew then that I would rather die than feel this way again, or cause him this kind of pain.”. Now, I want to note that I am not taking it out of context, this is word for word and then after that, there is no reference at all, ever, to his violence. Not in their therapy sessions, not in the rest of the book – it just gets dropped and not picked up again. This truly worries me about what this is saying and how people will receive it. Deepa does mention their move to non-violent communication through therapy, but I feel this conscious choice could have been adressed more.
I keep feeling uneasy at times, as things keeps appearing in her writing, talking about his “jealous rages”, “flare-ups of jealousy”, that he "blew up" and "snapped", saying that her dating (in an open marriage then) was his “pressure valve, the only acceptable excuse for him to lash out and unleash the feelings he bottled up to get through the day”, saying at times she felt like the “guilty part, having to placate him”...
Now, personally, while understanding relationships require work and effort and are never all happy all the time, all of this does instinctively not feel okay. Deepa later says "The intensity of difficult moments has softened from visceral threat to tolerable, even negligible discomfort.". Now, visceral threat is a strong word that I don't expect in a relationship.. And then: “Experience had taught us that moments of discomfort were temporary and would pass, and that our relationship was bigger and stronger than any of them.” But is all of what I have just described really just moments of “discomfort”? Again, my main issue here is the message this is sending and I want people to know what they are getting into here, especially those sensitive to issues like these. I want to be a voice to something that goes a little untouched in this book because I haven't seen anyone talk about this so far.
I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this as this really, truly, conflicts me. I believe couples can work through cheating and all sorts of things, and clearly they seem happy together now and this was their rough and patchy road to having a relationship that works for them, but the lack of reflection or commenting on this really worries me.
It was great that they got professional help, and I fully support that and think that is sensible and the therapists would be able to gauge whether there is need for worry or not - so again, I am not trying to criticise their relationship but the way these experiences are framed in the writing. In the end, Marcus was always ready and willing to better himself and wanted to grow and do the work, i.e. via therapy, which is such an important part to mention here. My main issue is not Marcus, or Deepa, or their relationship, but the lack of reflection shown to us (clearly they are both very reflective people). Clearly, their upbringing surrounded by strict expectations around love and marriage and also around what it means to be a man and a woman, has influenced them both and there is likely a lot at play here in Marcus' reactions and behaviours and Deepa's responses and I wish this would have been dissected more. At least to say, this violence is a reaction to an internalised expectation of what it means to be a man and something that they tackle together because they are both more than what is expected of them (which is so much of what this book is about) - recognising it would go so much further and ensure this is not seen as a normal reaction to hurt. To the readers: please, please, please, do not accept violence as normal and take this as an individual case with a huge grain of salt.
Being able to do that, and continue reading, what really stood out to me overall from this book was Deepa living in her own power and making her world into something that works for her. Her not letting herself or her needs down in the face of expectations placed on women in marriages and motherhood and life overall is inspiring and something we all need to hear and see more: Women living their lives, full of love and passion and wholeheartedness.
Thank you Deepa for sharing your power with us – it will be all the better for all of us.
May 12, 2025
I've been looking forward to reading this book, as I've been following Deepa online ever since her blogging days. I also would like to preface this review to say that I know Deepa, meaning to say, we both studied in the same high school in the Philippines (she was two grades lower than me), and we went to the same University.
Now, when I say I "know" Deepa, it's two things: 1. I know her vaguely because we interacted a few times in high school, through a long-ago play that I didn't even get to be in and 2. I understand what she's talking about when she wrote about her experience in an all-girls Catholic school and University. The expectations for us to be modest, pure and be "normal" girls--I get it.
I can honestly say that I would love to see the faces of the nuns and teachers in our school when they learn about this lifestyle that Deepa has pursued. It is not to be disrespectful, but I truly wonder what they would say about this.
Deepa writes about her journey into polyamory with such colourful words and details (sometimes too much detail , in my opinion). Each chapter answers questions that she often gets asked about her lifestyle. Within the chapters, she expertly weaves hers life story. There were funny bits, but there were also a lot of uncomfortable, painful scenes.
There is a trigger warning about the SA that she experienced, but I wish there was also a trigger warning about the violence that she experienced from her husband.
I really like how this book gives us a glimpse into polyamory. But honestly, I cannot help but wonder (and please don't bash me for this): Does the road to polyamory always involve cheating/promiscuity? Or rather, is saying you're polyamorous just basically an excuse to cheat on your partner (with consent)?
I also cannot help but wonder, if the author had not gone on to Craigslist and started her journey to meet other men, or had not moved to Amsterdam, where the culture is much more "open", would she have gone on this journey?
There wasn't any indication of her desires in those early pages, when they were living in Singapore. It seemed that she was a bored wife, with a child , wanting to try something different. And I do get that, having kids myself--life can become dull and it will seem like you're losing yourself.
I'm sorry to say that I found it a bit selfish of the author to say to her husband that she wants to explore this (after being caught twice!). But how very noble to suggest that he can do it too (be with other women). I sense her husband grappling with this knowledge, but he loves her too much to just let her go.
So while I do not agree with polyamory, I do believe that people should live their life the way they want, as long as they are not hurting others. I applaud Deepa for her bravery in telling her story, especially if this book will be released in the Philippines (oh Lordy, I can foresee there'll be lots of talks about this over there).
This book is beautifully written. It does not aim to convince you to agree with polyamory itself, but what it does is help open your mind to another perspective on relationships. Well done!
Now, when I say I "know" Deepa, it's two things: 1. I know her vaguely because we interacted a few times in high school, through a long-ago play that I didn't even get to be in and 2. I understand what she's talking about when she wrote about her experience in an all-girls Catholic school and University. The expectations for us to be modest, pure and be "normal" girls--I get it.
I can honestly say that I would love to see the faces of the nuns and teachers in our school when they learn about this lifestyle that Deepa has pursued. It is not to be disrespectful, but I truly wonder what they would say about this.
Deepa writes about her journey into polyamory with such colourful words and details (sometimes too much detail , in my opinion). Each chapter answers questions that she often gets asked about her lifestyle. Within the chapters, she expertly weaves hers life story. There were funny bits, but there were also a lot of uncomfortable, painful scenes.
There is a trigger warning about the SA that she experienced, but I wish there was also a trigger warning about the violence that she experienced from her husband.
I really like how this book gives us a glimpse into polyamory. But honestly, I cannot help but wonder (and please don't bash me for this): Does the road to polyamory always involve cheating/promiscuity? Or rather, is saying you're polyamorous just basically an excuse to cheat on your partner (with consent)?
I also cannot help but wonder, if the author had not gone on to Craigslist and started her journey to meet other men, or had not moved to Amsterdam, where the culture is much more "open", would she have gone on this journey?
There wasn't any indication of her desires in those early pages, when they were living in Singapore. It seemed that she was a bored wife, with a child , wanting to try something different. And I do get that, having kids myself--life can become dull and it will seem like you're losing yourself.
I'm sorry to say that I found it a bit selfish of the author to say to her husband that she wants to explore this (after being caught twice!). But how very noble to suggest that he can do it too (be with other women). I sense her husband grappling with this knowledge, but he loves her too much to just let her go.
So while I do not agree with polyamory, I do believe that people should live their life the way they want, as long as they are not hurting others. I applaud Deepa for her bravery in telling her story, especially if this book will be released in the Philippines (oh Lordy, I can foresee there'll be lots of talks about this over there).
This book is beautifully written. It does not aim to convince you to agree with polyamory itself, but what it does is help open your mind to another perspective on relationships. Well done!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 22, 2025
This book not only changed my perspective on memoirs but also reminded me how incredible the feeling of not being able to put down a book is!
I laughed, I cried, I nodded along as if Deepa and I were having a wine and she was telling me about it all. This book is insanely conversational and vulnerable at the same time, and just the fact that it exists is a powerful act 🤍
Can't recommend it enough!
I laughed, I cried, I nodded along as if Deepa and I were having a wine and she was telling me about it all. This book is insanely conversational and vulnerable at the same time, and just the fact that it exists is a powerful act 🤍
Can't recommend it enough!
September 10, 2025
I was very impressed but the first half or so of this, but after that it went down hill for me. It began feeling repetitive and honestly quite pushy.
I commend the strength and courage there has to have been involved in sharing such a personal journey, but I can't help feeling sad by the amount of deceit and steamrolling it seemingly took for the author to get everything the way she wanted.
I'm all for not feeling shamefull about sex or your inner most desires, but I'm having a hard time understanding the choice to continue pushing - and crossing - of boundaries put in place by your loved one and furthermore not recognizing that them accepting your actions after-the-fact doesn't infact constitute a mutual agreement amongst consenting adults.
To me it becomes a bit too selfcentrered and in most of the second half I feel there's missing quite a bit of perspective and accountability on her part. I have to believe there's insight not disclosed in this book, when this is what I'm left with. The amount of pressure depicted in the telling of this journey combined with the enormous lack of reflection definately clouds my overall take on this book. I can't help but feel this journey could have been portrayed in a better way for everyone involved.
I commend the strength and courage there has to have been involved in sharing such a personal journey, but I can't help feeling sad by the amount of deceit and steamrolling it seemingly took for the author to get everything the way she wanted.
I'm all for not feeling shamefull about sex or your inner most desires, but I'm having a hard time understanding the choice to continue pushing - and crossing - of boundaries put in place by your loved one and furthermore not recognizing that them accepting your actions after-the-fact doesn't infact constitute a mutual agreement amongst consenting adults.
To me it becomes a bit too selfcentrered and in most of the second half I feel there's missing quite a bit of perspective and accountability on her part. I have to believe there's insight not disclosed in this book, when this is what I'm left with. The amount of pressure depicted in the telling of this journey combined with the enormous lack of reflection definately clouds my overall take on this book. I can't help but feel this journey could have been portrayed in a better way for everyone involved.
July 15, 2025
Erg interessant boek om te lezen! Een persoonlijk en intiem verhaal over Deepa’s zoektocht in seksuele bevrijding en hoe dat te navigeren in een huwelijk. Het boek leest erg makkelijk weg en is goed geschreven vol met humor. Aan de hand van vragen die ze vaak krijgt over haar open huwelijk neemt ze je mee in haar leven en geeft ze je een intieme inkijk in hoe zij het allemaal geregeld hebben en wat er allemaal bij komt kijken. Erg interessant!
April 8, 2025
What an absolute masterpiece of a book - I devoured it. This memoir was such an emotional rollercoaster - so tender, so wise, so mind-opening and convention-challenging… I adored it. What a spectacular exploration of the many faces of womanhood. Deepa lays bare a truly fascinating life and voyage into and through an open marriage with warmth and incredible vulnerability. Now I just want to be friends with her :) highly recommend!!!
A huge thank you to Deepa Paul, Penguin General UK - Fig Tree, Hamish Hamilton, Viking & NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
A huge thank you to Deepa Paul, Penguin General UK - Fig Tree, Hamish Hamilton, Viking & NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
July 2, 2025
I struggled between giving this a 3 or a 4. Let’s start with the good:
- this book was so unique and such a fresh perspective it made the read quick and enticing.
- i love the way it was written and love that the chapters were based off common questions the author would get.
- it delivered insights into the cross-cultural impact on sexuality and I found that aspect probably most interesting.
Now for the not so good:
- people have already touched on the DV aspect in the reviews below but it is pretty wild that such an intense scene just gets skirted over with no mention of it again. This makes me feel like this is perhaps normalised or a justified reaction in the authors mind, and concerns me for others that are in similar situations pick up this book. Domestic violence is never ok or justified!
- the author talks about saying and hearing ‘no’ when negotiating her relationship boundaries with her husband. To me, throughout the book, it seems like she’s not really ever hearing no. His boundaries are constantly changed and amended to suit her but it doesn’t seem like his boundaries are ever truly adhered to.
- She talks about if someone is vouching for his voice as a counter to their open marriage, that they are implying he doesn’t have his own thoughts, feelings or decisions that he is capable of making. He certainly does, however what isn’t considered, is the fact that she betrayed him twice in their marriage and it wasn’t really explored as much whether he really felt like leaving was an option for him. They go to therapy and talk about both needs being honoured, but his needs around safety and security in his relationship is constantly tested and I would say gaslit at times.
Overall this was a really interesting read and made me do a lot of critical thinking and reality testing of defining relationships. It was insightful, and well written but could have used a bit more insights on the above!
- this book was so unique and such a fresh perspective it made the read quick and enticing.
- i love the way it was written and love that the chapters were based off common questions the author would get.
- it delivered insights into the cross-cultural impact on sexuality and I found that aspect probably most interesting.
Now for the not so good:
- people have already touched on the DV aspect in the reviews below but it is pretty wild that such an intense scene just gets skirted over with no mention of it again. This makes me feel like this is perhaps normalised or a justified reaction in the authors mind, and concerns me for others that are in similar situations pick up this book. Domestic violence is never ok or justified!
- the author talks about saying and hearing ‘no’ when negotiating her relationship boundaries with her husband. To me, throughout the book, it seems like she’s not really ever hearing no. His boundaries are constantly changed and amended to suit her but it doesn’t seem like his boundaries are ever truly adhered to.
- She talks about if someone is vouching for his voice as a counter to their open marriage, that they are implying he doesn’t have his own thoughts, feelings or decisions that he is capable of making. He certainly does, however what isn’t considered, is the fact that she betrayed him twice in their marriage and it wasn’t really explored as much whether he really felt like leaving was an option for him. They go to therapy and talk about both needs being honoured, but his needs around safety and security in his relationship is constantly tested and I would say gaslit at times.
Overall this was a really interesting read and made me do a lot of critical thinking and reality testing of defining relationships. It was insightful, and well written but could have used a bit more insights on the above!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 11, 2025
I met the writer at a dinner party a few years back where she said she was in an open marriage and had a husband and a boyfriend. As if that wasn’t intriguing enough, she then said she was working on a book about it called “Ask me how it works”. I’m so glad she told us the title as, even though we didn’t stay in touch after the dinner, I immediately recognised the book when I read the title in a random bookstore in Utrecht. The writing is *amazing*. She writes with such openness about something that many still consider taboo that you can’t have anything but respect for her. I can’t say I agree with all her reasoning/actions, but that would also be weird as the book is +300 pages and it would be worrying with any non-fiction book for a reader to agree with everything the author writes. It challenged me to think differently, and that’s exactly what great non-fiction should do.
May 6, 2025
In Ask Me How It Works, Deepa Paul offers an intimate and insightful memoir that invites readers into her world of polyamory, navigating love, marriage, and motherhood.
The book is structured as a series of questions - ones that Deepa is often asked about her open marriage with her husband, Marcus.
Through this conversational format, she reflects on her Filipino-Indian heritage, her relationship with Marcus, the complexities of their non-monogamous life in Amsterdam, and the growth of their daughter.
Deepa’s writing is stunnin, her words are inviting, reflective, and brimming with warmth.
From the first page, you feel like you're part of her world, as if she's speaking directly to you, offering both vulnerability and strength.
The inclusion of phrases in different languages adds a personal touch, a little treat for readers who appreciate the richness of her background.
One of the strengths of this memoir is its accessibility.
Even for readers who may not relate to a polyamorous lifestyle, Deepa's exploration of communication, self-awareness, and relationship growth resonates universally.
The reflective insights she shares about her childhood in the Philippines and her journey to an open marriage offer thought-provoking lessons on self-discovery and breaking free from societal expectations.
However, the book isn’t without its complexities.
While it’s empowering to read about Deepa’s journey to living authentically, there are moments that left me feeling uneasy.
Early in the book, she references how she and her mother are "different" from other women, specifically positioning her mother’s choices, like joining her husband on a trip to a "girlie bar" as a form of empowerment.
While celebrating personal agency is important, this language risks othering women who may not have had the same opportunities or choices in their lives, creating a subtle but uncomfortable contrast.
Empowerment shouldn't come at the expense of others, especially when it comes to judging the choices of women within restrictive cultural frameworks.
The biggest point of contention for me, however, is a troubling incident in the memoir involving Marcus' violent reaction to discovering that Deepa had cheated on him before they entered into an open marriage.
The scene is chilling — Marcus' threats of violence, his physical aggression, and his belittling behaviour are all described without much reflection on the gravity of the situation.
The incident is briefly acknowledged but never fully explored or revisited, leaving a sense of unresolved tension.
This lack of deeper reflection on the implications of domestic violence and emotional manipulation was troubling, especially given the serious nature of what transpired.
It raises questions about the portrayal of abusive behavior and its acceptance within the narrative, without sufficient challenge or discussion of how to frame such actions.
While Deepa does mention their move towards non-violent communication through therapy, there’s a lack of commentary on the emotional and psychological toll of the abuse.
For readers sensitive to issues of domestic violence, this may be a difficult aspect of the memoir to reconcile, as the book doesn’t address the seriousness of the violence in a way that many might expect, particularly from a memoir that otherwise feels so transparent and reflective.
That said, Ask Me How It Works is ultimately a celebration of personal growth, communication, and the courage to live outside traditional norms.
Deepa’s journey to create a life that works for her one that is full of love, passion, and self-discovery is inspiring.
Despite the reservations around certain moments, her commitment to authenticity and her willingness to embrace the complexities of her relationships shines through.
This memoir is a compelling and deeply personal exploration of non-monogamy, the evolution of a relationship, and the importance of open communication.
While it may not be without its flaws, especially in terms of addressing difficult moments more thoroughly, Deepa’s writing is still rich with wisdom and thought-provoking insights that anyone can learn from.
Whether or not you agree with her relationship choices, this book offers valuable lessons on living truthfully, overcoming expectations, and embracing the power of self-discovery.
With thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
The book is structured as a series of questions - ones that Deepa is often asked about her open marriage with her husband, Marcus.
Through this conversational format, she reflects on her Filipino-Indian heritage, her relationship with Marcus, the complexities of their non-monogamous life in Amsterdam, and the growth of their daughter.
Deepa’s writing is stunnin, her words are inviting, reflective, and brimming with warmth.
From the first page, you feel like you're part of her world, as if she's speaking directly to you, offering both vulnerability and strength.
The inclusion of phrases in different languages adds a personal touch, a little treat for readers who appreciate the richness of her background.
One of the strengths of this memoir is its accessibility.
Even for readers who may not relate to a polyamorous lifestyle, Deepa's exploration of communication, self-awareness, and relationship growth resonates universally.
The reflective insights she shares about her childhood in the Philippines and her journey to an open marriage offer thought-provoking lessons on self-discovery and breaking free from societal expectations.
However, the book isn’t without its complexities.
While it’s empowering to read about Deepa’s journey to living authentically, there are moments that left me feeling uneasy.
Early in the book, she references how she and her mother are "different" from other women, specifically positioning her mother’s choices, like joining her husband on a trip to a "girlie bar" as a form of empowerment.
While celebrating personal agency is important, this language risks othering women who may not have had the same opportunities or choices in their lives, creating a subtle but uncomfortable contrast.
Empowerment shouldn't come at the expense of others, especially when it comes to judging the choices of women within restrictive cultural frameworks.
The biggest point of contention for me, however, is a troubling incident in the memoir involving Marcus' violent reaction to discovering that Deepa had cheated on him before they entered into an open marriage.
The scene is chilling — Marcus' threats of violence, his physical aggression, and his belittling behaviour are all described without much reflection on the gravity of the situation.
The incident is briefly acknowledged but never fully explored or revisited, leaving a sense of unresolved tension.
This lack of deeper reflection on the implications of domestic violence and emotional manipulation was troubling, especially given the serious nature of what transpired.
It raises questions about the portrayal of abusive behavior and its acceptance within the narrative, without sufficient challenge or discussion of how to frame such actions.
While Deepa does mention their move towards non-violent communication through therapy, there’s a lack of commentary on the emotional and psychological toll of the abuse.
For readers sensitive to issues of domestic violence, this may be a difficult aspect of the memoir to reconcile, as the book doesn’t address the seriousness of the violence in a way that many might expect, particularly from a memoir that otherwise feels so transparent and reflective.
That said, Ask Me How It Works is ultimately a celebration of personal growth, communication, and the courage to live outside traditional norms.
Deepa’s journey to create a life that works for her one that is full of love, passion, and self-discovery is inspiring.
Despite the reservations around certain moments, her commitment to authenticity and her willingness to embrace the complexities of her relationships shines through.
This memoir is a compelling and deeply personal exploration of non-monogamy, the evolution of a relationship, and the importance of open communication.
While it may not be without its flaws, especially in terms of addressing difficult moments more thoroughly, Deepa’s writing is still rich with wisdom and thought-provoking insights that anyone can learn from.
Whether or not you agree with her relationship choices, this book offers valuable lessons on living truthfully, overcoming expectations, and embracing the power of self-discovery.
With thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
August 26, 2025
This memoir follows Deepa, a woman of Filipino origin living in Amsterdam, she and her husband have an unorthodox life and have an open marriage. At the same time, they are raising a young daughter and trying to juggle this with their 'dates'. The author and her husband come from a very religious country (Philippines), where experimentation before marriage is not encouraged and many married women are taught to persevere instead of divorce. Deepa has been curious about new sexual experiences for a while and she takes every opportunity to satisfy them. I found that the author is a thrill seeker, an exhibitionist and seems to glory in pushing her husband's boundaries. Even though the premise of the book is to tell readers how open marriages work, she doesn't really do this. Instead the book is filled with her conquests (in graphic sexual detail) and with continuous pushing of boundaries that are clearly stated but she wants more. I had to DNF at 76%, as I found the author very selfish and some of her reasoning has been used by people who cheat to justify their actions. In my opinion, the author should have been forward from the start i.e. express her need for sexual variety to her partner before having starting a family and give him the chance to leave or stay. Overall, a trying read.
Disclaimer: I received this ARC from NetGalley and Penguin General UK - Fig Tree, Hamish Hamilton, Viking, Penguin Life, Penguin Business | Viking in exchange for a free and honest review.
Disclaimer: I received this ARC from NetGalley and Penguin General UK - Fig Tree, Hamish Hamilton, Viking, Penguin Life, Penguin Business | Viking in exchange for a free and honest review.
April 16, 2025
Een boek wat ik wilde lezen omdat ik nog weinig van dit onderwerp weet! Het wordt heel duidelijk verteld, omdat elk hoofdstuk begint met een vraag, die gaandeweg een antwoord krijgt. Vele anekdotes krijgen diepe lagen en geven je zo een beter begrip van wat een open relatie/polyamorie nou eigenlijk echt betekend.
de Nederlandse vertaling vond ik soms nogal letterlijk vertaald, sommige woorden waren wat minder zorgvuldig gekozen
de Nederlandse vertaling vond ik soms nogal letterlijk vertaald, sommige woorden waren wat minder zorgvuldig gekozen
July 3, 2025
A really interesting memoir about the authors open marriage.
Each chapter starts with a question ahe has been asked about her marriage and I thought this was an excellent way to write the book. Each of the answers was well written and the author was very open about all aspects of the marriage.
Each chapter starts with a question ahe has been asked about her marriage and I thought this was an excellent way to write the book. Each of the answers was well written and the author was very open about all aspects of the marriage.
July 9, 2025
Deepa !
Just finished your book !!
Wow, I am SO IMPRESSED. The sincerity, the openness and how it truly feels like having a conversation with you is beautiful. I felt like I continued the conversation I had with you last year at that cute outdoorsy dinner. It is so different than the poly books I read - it’s teachable but so damn human. Your warmth radiates from the pages. You’re such a sunny person, and weirdly I am also grateful you shared the darker parts of your journey, despite making me cry you also show the way out. I am so happy for you and the life you built- and I am getting some kernels of hope and wisdom from it. Thank you for sharing, you deserve every good coming your way 🩷
Just finished your book !!
Wow, I am SO IMPRESSED. The sincerity, the openness and how it truly feels like having a conversation with you is beautiful. I felt like I continued the conversation I had with you last year at that cute outdoorsy dinner. It is so different than the poly books I read - it’s teachable but so damn human. Your warmth radiates from the pages. You’re such a sunny person, and weirdly I am also grateful you shared the darker parts of your journey, despite making me cry you also show the way out. I am so happy for you and the life you built- and I am getting some kernels of hope and wisdom from it. Thank you for sharing, you deserve every good coming your way 🩷
April 14, 2025
This was a sublime representation of individual bought up in a Catholic or Catholic-esque environment discovering themselves - and the risks of doing so. The world is a big place, for good and bad, and not making yourself small for others is the lesson of this book. It’s amazingly well crafted, brutally honest, and devastatingly truthful. Loved it, and how open it was. Well done xxoo
May 15, 2025
Deepa Paul writes thoughtfully and with humour about the transition of her marriage from a conventional monogamous relationship through open marriage and into polyamory. I found her memoir to be thoroughly grounded and the question format of the chapter titles helped focus on specific questions or areas of an open marriage that I was curious about and/or wouldn't even have thought to ask.
What particularly helped me empathise with both Deepa and Marcus was the work they both put in on ensuring that their commitment to each other and to their daughter was always the top priority. In every chapter the reader is reminded that their relationship matters most. The final chapter and epilogue in which Deepa explains (age appropriately) their relationship and the book to her daughter cemented the maturity and consideration that has clearly gone into writing the book and ensuring that Deepa, Marcus and their daughter all have space to ask questions whenever they need.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC. All opinions are my own,
What particularly helped me empathise with both Deepa and Marcus was the work they both put in on ensuring that their commitment to each other and to their daughter was always the top priority. In every chapter the reader is reminded that their relationship matters most. The final chapter and epilogue in which Deepa explains (age appropriately) their relationship and the book to her daughter cemented the maturity and consideration that has clearly gone into writing the book and ensuring that Deepa, Marcus and their daughter all have space to ask questions whenever they need.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC. All opinions are my own,
July 3, 2025
Thanks for sharing all of these with such delicate and vulnerable yet powerful and strong storytelling.
🩵💙💚💙💜❤️
April 8, 2025
There has been quite a few memoirs published on non-monogamous relationships over the last couple years, and this is the best one I've read.
Ask Me How It Works tells the story about how a woman listened to her authentic self and adventured down the unconventional path of opening her marriage. What sets it apart from other similar books is her reflection on the societal, familial, cultural influences that touched her on this journey, and her own unique life story. I was deeply touched and found myself laughing and crying.
I feel so grateful to be able to read womens' stories like this!!
Ask Me How It Works tells the story about how a woman listened to her authentic self and adventured down the unconventional path of opening her marriage. What sets it apart from other similar books is her reflection on the societal, familial, cultural influences that touched her on this journey, and her own unique life story. I was deeply touched and found myself laughing and crying.
I feel so grateful to be able to read womens' stories like this!!
May 17, 2025
Prachtig boek. Gelezen vanwege de goede reviews en mijn gebrekkige kennis maar toch ook nieuwsgierigheid over dit thema aangezien het steeds meer om je heen opduikt. Mooi geschreven, maar voor mij vooral mooi vanuit de boodschap hoe je relatie een proces is en je continu nieuwe uitdagingen tegen zal komen “Ik begreep dat het leven een spel was dat je speelde met een tweekoppig team. Alleen samen bepalen we de regels van het spel en wat winnen ervan inhield.”
March 25, 2025
I really enjoyed this book for a variety of reasons. It is a topic that I imagine for those who don't know how an open marriage works could be of interest. Paul unpacks her non monogamous life in a careful, thoughtful way.
I think the format of opening new chapters with questions is a good one.
I think the format of opening new chapters with questions is a good one.
June 11, 2025
Brilliant book! Such an honest story about relationships and how they can evolve and grow. The writing is spectacular, and I devoured it in two days. Absolutely brilliant! Big fan.
April 24, 2025
Bedankt @uitgeverijnwadam voor dit recensie-exemplaar!
Deepa en haar man hebben na een lange strijd ervoor gekozen op hun huwelijk open te maken.
Ze vertelt over de moeilijkheden hiervan en de ups and downs. En veel communicatie en eerlijkheid.
Dit is het verhaal van een vrouw die haar eigen verlangens ontdekte, en hoe ze zichzelf bevrijdde. Ze vond de moed om te vragen om de relatie die ze wilde, naast de relatie die ze had.
We krijgen niet alleen een inkijkje in Deepa’s huwelijk, maar ook in haar Filippijnse achtergrond en cultuur.
Het open huwelijk startte absoluut niet zonder slag of stoot.
Ik vind het zelf wat lastig dat het voortkwam uit vreemdgaan. Persoonlijk ben ik meer fan in vooraf dat soort dingen te bespreken. Achter iemands rug zou ik zoiets niet kunnen.
Maar ik ben blij om te lezen dat het met dit stel ondanks alles helemaal is goedgekomen! Want een kracht van deze mensen. En ook super veel zelfinzicht!
Enige wat ik me wel afvraag is of Deepa’s man er wel echt zo achter staat. En of hij het niet meer doet, omdat hij bang is Deepa kwijt te raken.
Ik had eerlijk gezegd best lage verwachtingen van het boek. Ik dacht: hoe kan een boek over open huwelijk je nou echt boeien. Leek me wat dunnetjes.
Maar dat was het dus absoluut niet en ben zeer positief verrast! Het ging behoorlijk de diepte in.
Deepa en haar man hebben na een lange strijd ervoor gekozen op hun huwelijk open te maken.
Ze vertelt over de moeilijkheden hiervan en de ups and downs. En veel communicatie en eerlijkheid.
Dit is het verhaal van een vrouw die haar eigen verlangens ontdekte, en hoe ze zichzelf bevrijdde. Ze vond de moed om te vragen om de relatie die ze wilde, naast de relatie die ze had.
We krijgen niet alleen een inkijkje in Deepa’s huwelijk, maar ook in haar Filippijnse achtergrond en cultuur.
Het open huwelijk startte absoluut niet zonder slag of stoot.
Ik vind het zelf wat lastig dat het voortkwam uit vreemdgaan. Persoonlijk ben ik meer fan in vooraf dat soort dingen te bespreken. Achter iemands rug zou ik zoiets niet kunnen.
Maar ik ben blij om te lezen dat het met dit stel ondanks alles helemaal is goedgekomen! Want een kracht van deze mensen. En ook super veel zelfinzicht!
Enige wat ik me wel afvraag is of Deepa’s man er wel echt zo achter staat. En of hij het niet meer doet, omdat hij bang is Deepa kwijt te raken.
Ik had eerlijk gezegd best lage verwachtingen van het boek. Ik dacht: hoe kan een boek over open huwelijk je nou echt boeien. Leek me wat dunnetjes.
Maar dat was het dus absoluut niet en ben zeer positief verrast! Het ging behoorlijk de diepte in.
March 2, 2025
I found this real life account of what it’s like to be in an open marriage very interesting. Whilst I didn’t agree with how it all initially came about I did like the way that they kept changing and growing together whilst always communicating to each other how they were feeling and what their fears were. It’s always good to break the mould, long may their happiness continue.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for an advanced digital copy in exchange for an honest review.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for an advanced digital copy in exchange for an honest review.
May 7, 2025
Every once in a while, you stumble across a book that truly changes the way you think —and you're never quite the same after. Ask Me How It Works is that kind of book. What I could barely wrap my head around was that it is a memoir. Meaning this author has kindly ripped out her still-beating heart and laid it down on the table for us—dripping blood, aorta, ventricles and all.
Its a wild ride, but Deepa writes with a lyrical evocative style that feels like you're getting the scoop on girls night, only in much more intricate and narrative detail. There's something for everyone: history buffs will love the historical context of Deepa's cultural upbringing in staunchly Catholic Phillipines, while lovers of nuance and complexity will appreciate the fact that she, by her own admission, never quite fits the archetype of the desired girl. And yet desired she is, as she comes into her own in Amsterdam, a haven for the bold and curious. There's enough salacious sexcapades to satisfy the swoon squad, but what's even more engrossing (and most eye opening) is the emotional excavation Deepa goes through —the tough conversations, the internal reckoning, with husband, daughter, boyfriend. For me, one of the most compelling parts of the book lays bare the brutal reality of post-partum and motherhood in general, and the toll it takes on a woman's identity. In the end, the sex (though there is plenty of it, in great variety, shades and shapes) is somehow the least juicy part of this memoir.
That the book is set up cheekily as a how-to manual is engaging. But what stuck with me most was the feeling that we were bearing witness to Deepa's journey into becoming an empowered woman. Raw, brave and truly unforgettable.
Its a wild ride, but Deepa writes with a lyrical evocative style that feels like you're getting the scoop on girls night, only in much more intricate and narrative detail. There's something for everyone: history buffs will love the historical context of Deepa's cultural upbringing in staunchly Catholic Phillipines, while lovers of nuance and complexity will appreciate the fact that she, by her own admission, never quite fits the archetype of the desired girl. And yet desired she is, as she comes into her own in Amsterdam, a haven for the bold and curious. There's enough salacious sexcapades to satisfy the swoon squad, but what's even more engrossing (and most eye opening) is the emotional excavation Deepa goes through —the tough conversations, the internal reckoning, with husband, daughter, boyfriend. For me, one of the most compelling parts of the book lays bare the brutal reality of post-partum and motherhood in general, and the toll it takes on a woman's identity. In the end, the sex (though there is plenty of it, in great variety, shades and shapes) is somehow the least juicy part of this memoir.
That the book is set up cheekily as a how-to manual is engaging. But what stuck with me most was the feeling that we were bearing witness to Deepa's journey into becoming an empowered woman. Raw, brave and truly unforgettable.
May 29, 2025
A 3.5 for me, but leaving it as 4 because I still feel that there aren't enough stories like this.
-
I've followed this book unfold, from the early readings through the different updates. I think Deepa has a unique and natural way of getting you glued to what she writes.
What I liked: The raw emotions, her vulnerability, no sugarcoating any experience. This is not one of those books where the author hides behind a finger.
What I have mixed feelings about: I'm not sure if somebody who is not familiar with some of these places could picture the story unfold. And I'm not a big fan of the chapters being questions (but this is a personal preference).
I definitely recommend reading it if you want to read a memoir and a personal story, not a manual about polyamory. ✨️
-
I've followed this book unfold, from the early readings through the different updates. I think Deepa has a unique and natural way of getting you glued to what she writes.
What I liked: The raw emotions, her vulnerability, no sugarcoating any experience. This is not one of those books where the author hides behind a finger.
What I have mixed feelings about: I'm not sure if somebody who is not familiar with some of these places could picture the story unfold. And I'm not a big fan of the chapters being questions (but this is a personal preference).
I definitely recommend reading it if you want to read a memoir and a personal story, not a manual about polyamory. ✨️
July 16, 2025
Are you considering opening up your marriage? Read this book. Questioning your catholic upbringing? Read this book. Want something really interesting to read at book club? This one.
This review almost lost a star because of the night of sleep I lost staying up to read it: it was impossible to put down. Ask Me How It Works feels like a juicy story told to you by a close friend: intimate, raw, revealing and vulnerable. Much could be said about the fascinating contents of the book, but I think it should also be noted that Paul is a talented writer. There are some very beautiful, quiet scenes where not much is happening (compared to other moments in the book, say, involving an errant butt plug) and the prose is warm and serene.
This review almost lost a star because of the night of sleep I lost staying up to read it: it was impossible to put down. Ask Me How It Works feels like a juicy story told to you by a close friend: intimate, raw, revealing and vulnerable. Much could be said about the fascinating contents of the book, but I think it should also be noted that Paul is a talented writer. There are some very beautiful, quiet scenes where not much is happening (compared to other moments in the book, say, involving an errant butt plug) and the prose is warm and serene.
September 19, 2025
Having followed Deepa on socials for several years for her cool Amsterdam tips and adventures, I was very curious to pick this up. I listened on audio, which was a fun way to spend my commute time, though be warned a lot of the content is not sfw! Incredibly honest, I thoroughly appreciated Deepa’s story, which is centered around her and her husband’s journal around consensual non monogamy, but touches so much more: immigrant experience, life in Amsterdam, parenthood, identity, gender, pleasure ect. I was concerned about some of the violence described in the book that is not exactly glossed over but maybe not given as much weight as it should. Anyway, if you are curious about non monogamy from a non western perspective, this is a great one.
March 29, 2025
A really insightful book into Deepa's life in a non-monogamous relationship. The book is really open, honest and accessible to everyone. Although, not familiar with her experiences; I really felt I could understand where she was coming from and how this type of relationship works in her own marriage. Even if this is not the relationship structure for you there were so many moments of wisdom that applies to everyone like open communication and the development of self and relationships. I found it so interesting to explore the development of Deepa's marriage and the missteps with lessons they learnt along the way. Overall, it was an enjoyable and informative read.
August 15, 2025
I just finished Ask Me How It Works and I absolutely loved every single moment of it — from the very first page to the final lines. My favorite part was the closing chapter, where she explains it to her daughter. That moment hit me deeply.
What I learned from this book is how brave we must be to live our lives exactly the way we want, and how important it is to follow our passions without feeling shame or guilt afterwards. This story reminded me that courage isn’t just about big acts — it’s about staying true to ourselves, even when the world expects something different.
Thank you, Deepa Paul, for writing something so honest and inspiring. This book will stay with me for a long time.❤️
What I learned from this book is how brave we must be to live our lives exactly the way we want, and how important it is to follow our passions without feeling shame or guilt afterwards. This story reminded me that courage isn’t just about big acts — it’s about staying true to ourselves, even when the world expects something different.
Thank you, Deepa Paul, for writing something so honest and inspiring. This book will stay with me for a long time.❤️
April 12, 2025
Ask Me How It Works: Love in an Open Marriage is a raw, honest, and thought-provoking dive into non-monogamy. The author lays it all out—vulnerability, love, jealousy, communication—and doesn’t shy away from the messy parts.
I found the writing lovely to read and there was a frankness to the book which I really enjoyed despite finding it a bit uncomfortable at times.
I love a book that makes me think, makes me question my own views and consider other perspectives and this book did exactly that
I found the writing lovely to read and there was a frankness to the book which I really enjoyed despite finding it a bit uncomfortable at times.
I love a book that makes me think, makes me question my own views and consider other perspectives and this book did exactly that
June 8, 2025
I’ve been a follower of Deepa Paul on instagram for some time now. I found her during my research for a trip to Amsterdam and she drew me in with her posts and photos from her travels.
One day she mentioned her boyfriend. Wait, what? How did I miss that? I knew she was married and had a young child but a boyfriend is not something I noticed. Immediately I had questions.
Her book answered my questions (and then some) and shared how she spoke up for herself on what she desired for her life. You only live once and I admire her for living her truth - something so many are afraid to do.
One day she mentioned her boyfriend. Wait, what? How did I miss that? I knew she was married and had a young child but a boyfriend is not something I noticed. Immediately I had questions.
Her book answered my questions (and then some) and shared how she spoke up for herself on what she desired for her life. You only live once and I admire her for living her truth - something so many are afraid to do.
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