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I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison
Discover freedom, authenticity, and joy when you stop letting competition and jealousy hijack your life.
Do you find yourself measuring your value against your friend’s house, body, marriage, resume, paycheck, organic garden, or Pinterest-worthy holiday décor, and coming up lacking? Do your college roommate’s Instagram snapshots bear little resemblance to the scene at your house this morning?
Excessive comparison and competition sap our energy and steal our joy. Our friends become our audience and judges, and our kids become part of our brand. Add social media’s constant invitation to post and peruse, and it’s no wonder that we’re left exhausted, discontent, and lonely. Thankfully, there is another way!
With refreshing candor and humor, Kay Wyma shares her experiences with comparison living and offers readers the simple remedies that helped her and her family reboot their perspective and discover freedom, authenticity, and joy.
Do you find yourself measuring your value against your friend’s house, body, marriage, resume, paycheck, organic garden, or Pinterest-worthy holiday décor, and coming up lacking? Do your college roommate’s Instagram snapshots bear little resemblance to the scene at your house this morning?
Excessive comparison and competition sap our energy and steal our joy. Our friends become our audience and judges, and our kids become part of our brand. Add social media’s constant invitation to post and peruse, and it’s no wonder that we’re left exhausted, discontent, and lonely. Thankfully, there is another way!
With refreshing candor and humor, Kay Wyma shares her experiences with comparison living and offers readers the simple remedies that helped her and her family reboot their perspective and discover freedom, authenticity, and joy.
241 pages, Paperback
First published May 5, 2015
62 people are currently reading
906 people want to read
About the author
Kay Wills Wyma
8 books63 followersKay Wills Wyma has five kids, ages four to fourteen, and one SUV with a lot of carpool miles. Before she transitioned to stay-at-home mom, she earned an MBA, worked at the White House, and dabbled in international finance. Happily married to Jon, this self-described recovering enabler is committed to equipping the next generation to achieve great things in the future by piling on the responsibility today.
from http://www.randomhouse.com/book/21699...
from http://www.randomhouse.com/book/21699...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 117 reviews
August 15, 2015
Comparison is the thief of joy- Theodore Roosevelt
I snatched this book from the library display based solely on the laugh-out-loud title and not realizing that it was a "blogger book." (I think I've coined this phrase myself but for all I know it is widely used). As I have found with other books by bloggers, this one, too, takes a topic that we all realize has a widespread social impact and uses quotes, stories and anecdotes to build a book out of a blog post. The focus is on our society's obsession with comparison from the old school "Keeping up with The Jones's" mentality to age-old body image issues. Much discussion is given to the newer problem of discontent fueled by social media; the new practice of taking a dozen pictures in order to filter, Photoshop, crop and post only the most flattering one; the use of FB as a marketing tool to create an enviable life; number of "likes" being used as a measure of self-worth, etc...the list, sadly, goes on and on.
There is nothing groundbreaking here but I give the author kudos for bringing this issue to light. Comparison likely does affect everyone in some way. We are culturally conditioned to compete, to be better, to be more than what we are...always. This book is not a blueprint on how to change this pattern of destructive behavior but instead more of a long-winded validation complete with examples of the issues and some suggestions on a better way to live. I found the summaries at the end of each chapter (Letting Go of Comparison) akin to what is read at the end of a yoga class: little pearls of wisdom that offer (for some) a different perspective or (for others) more food for thought on the same topics: gratitude, acceptance, contentment, joy. This book was definitely much longer than it needed to be and at times I felt the author was exaggerating her personal level of discontent brought on by comparing her life to that of others. I also felt the comments coming from her children throughout would have been more effective had we been given their ages. Though not something I would read again, this was a quick, easy book with it's heart in the right place.
I snatched this book from the library display based solely on the laugh-out-loud title and not realizing that it was a "blogger book." (I think I've coined this phrase myself but for all I know it is widely used). As I have found with other books by bloggers, this one, too, takes a topic that we all realize has a widespread social impact and uses quotes, stories and anecdotes to build a book out of a blog post. The focus is on our society's obsession with comparison from the old school "Keeping up with The Jones's" mentality to age-old body image issues. Much discussion is given to the newer problem of discontent fueled by social media; the new practice of taking a dozen pictures in order to filter, Photoshop, crop and post only the most flattering one; the use of FB as a marketing tool to create an enviable life; number of "likes" being used as a measure of self-worth, etc...the list, sadly, goes on and on.
There is nothing groundbreaking here but I give the author kudos for bringing this issue to light. Comparison likely does affect everyone in some way. We are culturally conditioned to compete, to be better, to be more than what we are...always. This book is not a blueprint on how to change this pattern of destructive behavior but instead more of a long-winded validation complete with examples of the issues and some suggestions on a better way to live. I found the summaries at the end of each chapter (Letting Go of Comparison) akin to what is read at the end of a yoga class: little pearls of wisdom that offer (for some) a different perspective or (for others) more food for thought on the same topics: gratitude, acceptance, contentment, joy. This book was definitely much longer than it needed to be and at times I felt the author was exaggerating her personal level of discontent brought on by comparing her life to that of others. I also felt the comments coming from her children throughout would have been more effective had we been given their ages. Though not something I would read again, this was a quick, easy book with it's heart in the right place.
February 15, 2022
Lots of examples of her life. This isn't supposed to be a memoir LMAO
October 29, 2024
This is a great book for me to pick up now and again so I can remember to sit in contentedness rather than comparison. Thanks, Kay, for writing a book that touches and uplifts me.
July 9, 2018
Mom and I found this and it was just what I needed to hear. Yes, things got a little repetitive at the end. Yes, I would have liked it if she had referenced what God wants more. However, this book was a reminder I needed and God used it in my life. I can't really argue with that. Besides, look at that cover!
February 5, 2017
Comparison isn't the issue for me it once was, but I was still excited to read this book. I had to skim the last third because I just couldn't do it anymore. This book could EASILY be a quarter of the size with some good editing. The author has so much to say, and yet she rarely says anything of importance. It's just constant rambling in the form of anecdotes from parenting her 5 kids (who she refers to by very obnoxious code names). Even as a parent, I struggled to relate to the ultra-busy PTO mom, and stories of her teenage girl's wisdom quickly became old and repetitive. I didn't get much out of this book other than "comparison is harmful." Thank you, I had no idea. She does way more pontificating on the issue of comparison (and literally spent an entire and overly long chapter bemoaning the fact that a good friend saw the inside of her messy fridge and THE HORROR) than giving a solution to the problem other than "be happy for that person and mean it." Well, okay.
At the end of the day, this is supposed to be a Christian book, but you would barely know it. Had she come from a more biblical perspective and used scripture to reinforce her points, this could have been a wildly powerful book. However, she perverts the story of Adam and Eve by saying it was actually an issue of comparison that led to the fall instead of just plain disobedience to God. There are some good gems in this book, but it was full of fillers and nonsense and not enough biblical truth.
And one more note: I didn't appreciate the slight she made to one of her kids who occasionally prefers to be alone, telling him he was made to surround himself with people and she can't ever be isolated. Also, she made a comment about "odd introverts" in her kid's classroom. She has a fundamental misunderstanding of different personality types, which isn't shocking as she's clearly a major people-person.
At the end of the day, this is supposed to be a Christian book, but you would barely know it. Had she come from a more biblical perspective and used scripture to reinforce her points, this could have been a wildly powerful book. However, she perverts the story of Adam and Eve by saying it was actually an issue of comparison that led to the fall instead of just plain disobedience to God. There are some good gems in this book, but it was full of fillers and nonsense and not enough biblical truth.
And one more note: I didn't appreciate the slight she made to one of her kids who occasionally prefers to be alone, telling him he was made to surround himself with people and she can't ever be isolated. Also, she made a comment about "odd introverts" in her kid's classroom. She has a fundamental misunderstanding of different personality types, which isn't shocking as she's clearly a major people-person.
June 9, 2015
The 'Obsessive Comparison Disorder' described in this book is the sort of trait we don't find socially acceptable to admit to, so it's interesting to come across books which deal with it. This one is more of a light, breezy read than a dense, heavy one, and I might have preferred something more in the middle. I didn't like the first half of this book, but loved the second.
At first, most of Kay Wyma's examples seemed to be focused on FWPs (first world problems). Empty car parks getting stolen, visitors catching sight of crammed fridges and clothes on bathroom floors, girls comparing their thigh gaps. No doubt we've all been agitated by these types of things, but after several pages of reading about someone else dealing with them, I was finding it a bit much.
The solutions she offers come across more like non-solutions at times. In the author's own words, 'What if we stop looking at others to envy them, and instead look at them to appreciate them and celebrate their success?' Really? Apart from stating the obvious, isn't that a bit like telling a lame man, 'You could cross that road, if you just get up and walk'? Sure, we may need to change our mindsets, but how about some tools to help us figure out how, rather than circular arguments. Question: How do we overcome envy? Answer: Stop being envious.
Also, I was noticing a few too many pearls of wisdom in the form of, 'I told them this.' Once again in the author's own words, 'At this point I couldn't stop myself steering both of us toward truth.' On the whole, Kay Wyma doesn't come across as a smug person, but these were getting frequent enough to count. Maybe it's just a mother's reflex. That might be another thing. I too have a family of kids ranging from young adults down to smaller ones, so I could relate to her, but wondered whether she might be losing other readers with different life circumstances.
The second half improved out of sight. She delves into more meaty matter, such as the fact that no life path we choose is likely to measure up to our unrealistic expectations in every respect. This is wisdom we'd do well to know, because we have more chance of sticking to the course happily if it doesn't take us by surprise.
But what I liked best is when she explained how our cultural bias toward quantifying everything puts unnecessary pressure on all of us. The social media age just compounds the problem. How many attendees, subscribers, viewers, likes, fans and facebook shares do we have? We're encouraged to get a handle on the 'Personal Branding Movement' and make sure we have neat, pithy, consistent messages across multiple platforms; blog, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, LinkedIn. And personal development lists are rife across social media, just giving us more ammunition to feel guilty about not living up to. Just drawing our attention to the craziness we all call normal is enough to help us draw a deep breath and take a step back. I found it worth plowing through the rest of book just for this part.
Thanks to WaterBrook Multnomah, Net Galley and Blogging for Books for my review copy.
At first, most of Kay Wyma's examples seemed to be focused on FWPs (first world problems). Empty car parks getting stolen, visitors catching sight of crammed fridges and clothes on bathroom floors, girls comparing their thigh gaps. No doubt we've all been agitated by these types of things, but after several pages of reading about someone else dealing with them, I was finding it a bit much.
The solutions she offers come across more like non-solutions at times. In the author's own words, 'What if we stop looking at others to envy them, and instead look at them to appreciate them and celebrate their success?' Really? Apart from stating the obvious, isn't that a bit like telling a lame man, 'You could cross that road, if you just get up and walk'? Sure, we may need to change our mindsets, but how about some tools to help us figure out how, rather than circular arguments. Question: How do we overcome envy? Answer: Stop being envious.
Also, I was noticing a few too many pearls of wisdom in the form of, 'I told them this.' Once again in the author's own words, 'At this point I couldn't stop myself steering both of us toward truth.' On the whole, Kay Wyma doesn't come across as a smug person, but these were getting frequent enough to count. Maybe it's just a mother's reflex. That might be another thing. I too have a family of kids ranging from young adults down to smaller ones, so I could relate to her, but wondered whether she might be losing other readers with different life circumstances.
The second half improved out of sight. She delves into more meaty matter, such as the fact that no life path we choose is likely to measure up to our unrealistic expectations in every respect. This is wisdom we'd do well to know, because we have more chance of sticking to the course happily if it doesn't take us by surprise.
But what I liked best is when she explained how our cultural bias toward quantifying everything puts unnecessary pressure on all of us. The social media age just compounds the problem. How many attendees, subscribers, viewers, likes, fans and facebook shares do we have? We're encouraged to get a handle on the 'Personal Branding Movement' and make sure we have neat, pithy, consistent messages across multiple platforms; blog, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, LinkedIn. And personal development lists are rife across social media, just giving us more ammunition to feel guilty about not living up to. Just drawing our attention to the craziness we all call normal is enough to help us draw a deep breath and take a step back. I found it worth plowing through the rest of book just for this part.
Thanks to WaterBrook Multnomah, Net Galley and Blogging for Books for my review copy.
January 3, 2016
First lines: My day hits an unexpected lull. All is quiet on the home front. And what's a person to do amid peace and quiet? Clean the house? Address and send envelopes containing Christmas cards from this and the past two years - before July? Get stuff done? No, of course not, p. 1.
On December 21st I went to the library mainly to get out of the house and into nature, even if nature was just from my car to another building. I walked my usual route once in the library. First hitting up the teen display of new books, then cruising by the teen audio books, around the computers where some shady person is playing candy crush or scrolling through Facebook, to the the adult new books, and it was there I found I'm Happy for You {Sort Of...Not Really}. I glimpsed the tag line "Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison" and thought that fit me pretty well. Flipping it over to read the back was what sealed the deal, because there laid out was pretty much all my feelings I've been experiencing as of late (2015) such as pressure, insane expectations, feelings of injustice, stress because I can't keep up, and stress because why can't I keep up, and yes, comparison to everyone. I debated about how stupid and insecure I would look to the person who checked the book out to me, but decided to go forth. Boy was I rewarded. The awesome woman who checked the book out to me gushed that she just bought the library staff copies and they were reading it. Another library worker held up her copy for confirmation. They both highly recommended the book. Sweet!
So that's how I ended up with the book and I'm glad I did. I would absolutely recommend this book especially if you can convince some friends to read it along with you. (I just can't resist the discussion questions in the back of the book!) Now I will tell you there's nothing breakthrough in the ideas and thoughts on the pages. We should stop comparing ourselves to others. We should realize that social media only presents a quick snapshot and not the whole picture. We are way to critical of ourselves and nobody sees us as harshly as we see ourselves. Family and friends can help keep us in check, and life is fair it's just not equal. Even so Wyma tells her own personal story that many, many of us will be able to relate to. As my husband pointed out when I described the ideas contained within sometimes we just need to be reminded and that's exactly what Wyma does in her funny, honest, and ugly truth sort of way.
Okay, there was one idea discussed that was new to me.Have you heard of the theory of life's U-shape? http://www.theguardian.com/science/he.... Well me neither. Anyways, there's lots to think about and reflect on in this book. And if you already have all this figured out, well, I'm happy for you, seriously.
http://www.themoatblog.com/
On December 21st I went to the library mainly to get out of the house and into nature, even if nature was just from my car to another building. I walked my usual route once in the library. First hitting up the teen display of new books, then cruising by the teen audio books, around the computers where some shady person is playing candy crush or scrolling through Facebook, to the the adult new books, and it was there I found I'm Happy for You {Sort Of...Not Really}. I glimpsed the tag line "Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison" and thought that fit me pretty well. Flipping it over to read the back was what sealed the deal, because there laid out was pretty much all my feelings I've been experiencing as of late (2015) such as pressure, insane expectations, feelings of injustice, stress because I can't keep up, and stress because why can't I keep up, and yes, comparison to everyone. I debated about how stupid and insecure I would look to the person who checked the book out to me, but decided to go forth. Boy was I rewarded. The awesome woman who checked the book out to me gushed that she just bought the library staff copies and they were reading it. Another library worker held up her copy for confirmation. They both highly recommended the book. Sweet!
So that's how I ended up with the book and I'm glad I did. I would absolutely recommend this book especially if you can convince some friends to read it along with you. (I just can't resist the discussion questions in the back of the book!) Now I will tell you there's nothing breakthrough in the ideas and thoughts on the pages. We should stop comparing ourselves to others. We should realize that social media only presents a quick snapshot and not the whole picture. We are way to critical of ourselves and nobody sees us as harshly as we see ourselves. Family and friends can help keep us in check, and life is fair it's just not equal. Even so Wyma tells her own personal story that many, many of us will be able to relate to. As my husband pointed out when I described the ideas contained within sometimes we just need to be reminded and that's exactly what Wyma does in her funny, honest, and ugly truth sort of way.
Okay, there was one idea discussed that was new to me.Have you heard of the theory of life's U-shape? http://www.theguardian.com/science/he.... Well me neither. Anyways, there's lots to think about and reflect on in this book. And if you already have all this figured out, well, I'm happy for you, seriously.
http://www.themoatblog.com/
March 9, 2016
This has got to be one of the most 'change the way I look at life' books I have read in a very long time. Wonderfully written. Makes you realize that some of the things you think aren't just you, but so many great ideas and reminders of how we can think differently. We are each in our own lane of life. Doesn't matter what the person in the lanes next to us are doing. We are not in a race of life where the winner takes all, we just all need to finish. God gave us unique personalities and traits and we won't all be the same. Don't compare. Change the 'ri' in comparison to 'is' and make it compassion. Learn to truly mean 'I am happy for you'. Cheer each other on and not wonder why them, not me. I should read this book often to help me remember to just breathe...
December 26, 2019
The cover drew me in, but this book doesn't quite fit the self-help or psychology genre. It also doesn't quite feel like a humorous mom-blog-style memoir all the way through. And then there is the religious content, which appears often but not at great doctrinal depth. So the book has elements of all three but doesn't really capture the best of any of those genres. By about 50 pages in, I was a bit tired of everything being processed through the "I" of the author and her family, only to have insets with testimony from other women in similar circumstances. Still felt pretty much the same.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC.
December 2, 2015
I'm Happy for You (Sort Of... Not Really)
Great book!! Today trying to live a life and not worrying about anything is just not happening! Well to me it can! We have to learn to live a life in our own means and not worry about what the neighbor has. Trying to live a life to keep up with everyone else is just draining. We can live a life not trying to catch up or be like or better then the Jones. Through this book Kay shows ways her family did it. Great book get it I found it wonderful insight to everyday life. I think you will find some humor in it also.
Great book!! Today trying to live a life and not worrying about anything is just not happening! Well to me it can! We have to learn to live a life in our own means and not worry about what the neighbor has. Trying to live a life to keep up with everyone else is just draining. We can live a life not trying to catch up or be like or better then the Jones. Through this book Kay shows ways her family did it. Great book get it I found it wonderful insight to everyday life. I think you will find some humor in it also.
June 15, 2015
I didn't quite finish this one. I didn't really need to--it could have been a lot shorter and less repetitive. Mostly what I got out of it can be summed up in two sentences: "I'm not alone" and "Envy is never productive." I knew both of those things anyway. It was nice to have them reinforced, but that's about all I took away from this book.
June 9, 2018
I enjoyed this book and took lots of notes while reading it. There were a ton of good gems in here. I did come away wanting a little more in terms of proactive ways to combat comparison—I think I went into the book hoping the content would help me push through my comparison issues, but in some ways it just identified the struggle a bit more. It did make me feel less alone in my comparison struggles, that's for sure. I thought the random quotes + input from friends/readers throughout the chapters was a bit distracting and would have preferred reading the book without those tidbits.
January 7, 2016
As I often do, I was browsing the book shelves at the Ames Public Library, and this book caught my eye. I will be honest, comparison is something I struggle with, and always have. My life hasn't always been easy, and I have had to work for everything I have. Nothing has been handed to me, my college education was not paid for me by my parents, and I have often had two jobs just so I can do something fun such as a trip or purchase a new mattress that I needed after 12 years of sleeping on the old one, but my first job only covers the necessities and not the extras. Now with that being said, please do not take me as complaining, as I am a hard worker, and I don't mind working two jobs, but with that also being said, I do tend to compare, and I do think part of that is due to technology and especially social media. I see what everyone else has or is doing, or the amazing trips they are taking and I get jealous and compare. Why can't I do those things? Why can't I ever go to a concert? Why can I buy those nice pieces of furniture?
I enjoyed this book and all the great quotes and reminders throughout. A few of my favorites are below:
"The measure of life's impact is not about numbers or followers or reposts. Meaningful relationship is measured in authentic and honest accountability with people who aren't competing against us, but who stand ready to ascent mountains and to travel the valleys with us."
"Expectations find life through comparison and drag us down the road to discontent. Learning to accept life as it comes frees us to recognize an unexpected path on our route to our happiness. Because "a truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour." (Author unknown)
"This is one of the main reasons we struggle with insecurity: we're comparing our behind the scenes with everybody else's highlight reel." - Steven Furtick
The book is pretty heavily parent focuses, and I am single, so there was a lot written that was not applicable to me, but with that being said, I thought Wyma's book overall was nicely written, and had solid reminders throughout that comparison is a sin, and something that I need to personally continue to work on. I have been doing better, at being content with my life, but there is always room for growth.
I enjoyed this book and all the great quotes and reminders throughout. A few of my favorites are below:
"The measure of life's impact is not about numbers or followers or reposts. Meaningful relationship is measured in authentic and honest accountability with people who aren't competing against us, but who stand ready to ascent mountains and to travel the valleys with us."
"Expectations find life through comparison and drag us down the road to discontent. Learning to accept life as it comes frees us to recognize an unexpected path on our route to our happiness. Because "a truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour." (Author unknown)
"This is one of the main reasons we struggle with insecurity: we're comparing our behind the scenes with everybody else's highlight reel." - Steven Furtick
The book is pretty heavily parent focuses, and I am single, so there was a lot written that was not applicable to me, but with that being said, I thought Wyma's book overall was nicely written, and had solid reminders throughout that comparison is a sin, and something that I need to personally continue to work on. I have been doing better, at being content with my life, but there is always room for growth.
April 22, 2016
I was excited when I saw a book available for review called "I'm Happy For You . . . Sort Of . . . Not Really" by Kay Willis Wyma. Don't you love that title? I'm not going to lie, I have secretly had those feelings in that exact order. Many times.
This book was so helpful to me in this struggle with comparison. As I was reading through it I was more aware of comparison than I normally am, and I realized just how much it affects my day-to-day happiness. When I am so focused on what everyone else is doing, it's harder to be happy for the things I have, and this book brought sharply into focus for me.
The chapters addressed different areas of comparison and reasons why this is such a struggle in our modern culture. One thing that stood out to me in this book is that comparing to others is the way we can be sucked into the sin of coveting. Whenever we desire something that someone else has (often through comparing what we have to what they have and coming up wanting), we are coveting. Comparison doesn't just "steal our joy", it is also a gateway into sin.
I love the solution this book offers to the comparison problem - to say "I'm happy for you" and mean it. Without a hint of sarcasm. It's not easy to do, but the book made me realize that being happy for someone isn't just something I feel, it is something I actively choose to do.
It's hard to pick a favorite chapter because the whole book was so good, but I really appreciated the chapter on the need to belong. This chapter was a good wake-up call to me that people want to feel known. It should have been obvious to me, because I know that I want others to notice and encourage me - so of course other people want the same. I felt challenged to look at those around me with fresh eyes, notice what makes them unique, and maybe even tell them. I want to be the person who can make someone else feel noticed and special.
Since I started reading this book I have been trying to truly be happy for those around me. So when I scroll through my Facebook feed, my goal is to turn off the train of thought that will lead me to be jealous of my friends, and instead smile to myself at their blessings.
Note: I received a copy of this book for free in exchange for a review. This is my honest opinion.
June 18, 2015
"I'm Happy For You Sort of...Not Really" by Kay Wills Wyma is about finding contentment in our world of comparison. I really wanted to really like this book a lot but it turned out to be an ok book. I was warn out just reading how often the author and her friends compared themselves to others. Yes we all compare ourselves to someone at sometime but the amount she writes about is just overwhelming. I am mean yes I do compare myself to others at times but then I try to remember we don't see their whole life. Plus God made us with our likes and strengths different no one is going to be the same. Also to me when people are focused on comparing to others they have a tendency to also look down on others that a very different from them which is the attitude I usually get. The point that really got me was when she was upset that a medical professional called one of her children not normal and that upset her. Ok maybe that just bugged me cause all my life I have been a not normal person in society's eyes and don't think its a bad thing. Yes she does come to the realization that we are all not normal but it just kinda bothered me that at first she thought that was a bad thing. There were some encouraging parts to help you find contentment but not enough for me to warrant keeping the book to refer to when I need to. This is one of those books that I am just not sure if I want to recommend it or not. So I will leave it up to you to decide if you should read it or not.
I was given this book from Blogging For Books and was not required to give a positive review.
I was given this book from Blogging For Books and was not required to give a positive review.
December 28, 2016
I'm happy for me (sort of...not really) that I read this book. I struggled with it, and had to force myself to finish it. This book reminded me of those crime drama shows on TV. They have a story to tell that is good, but it's really only a story that should be a half hour long and instead they stretch it out to be an hour or two long. I start out attentive, but lose interest half way through.
I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really) is subtitled Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison. I felt that the author, Kay Wills Wyma, spent a LOT of time telling us how discontented we are and how much we compare ourselves to others, but not nearly as much time telling us what to do about it. I'm pretty sure that anyone who purchases the book already knows they are discontent. I believe they would be looking for solutions and I don't think Ms. Wyma really delivers. Mostly she seems to preach the evils of Facebook, Pinterest and other social media, so I guess the solution would be to turn those off.
This book is billed as "Christian living", but I found it to be very light on Scripture and very heavy on psychobabble. It is well-written and uses a lot of illustrations from real people, but I wish it relied way more on God's Word and way less on psychologists and doctors and other authors.
Blogging for Books provided this book to me for free in exchange for my honest review.
I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really) is subtitled Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison. I felt that the author, Kay Wills Wyma, spent a LOT of time telling us how discontented we are and how much we compare ourselves to others, but not nearly as much time telling us what to do about it. I'm pretty sure that anyone who purchases the book already knows they are discontent. I believe they would be looking for solutions and I don't think Ms. Wyma really delivers. Mostly she seems to preach the evils of Facebook, Pinterest and other social media, so I guess the solution would be to turn those off.
This book is billed as "Christian living", but I found it to be very light on Scripture and very heavy on psychobabble. It is well-written and uses a lot of illustrations from real people, but I wish it relied way more on God's Word and way less on psychologists and doctors and other authors.
Blogging for Books provided this book to me for free in exchange for my honest review.
August 22, 2015
Comparison is pervasive and our default; compassion is contagious and a choice.
Also, I just really liked being reminded of these truths:
Caring about others is more important than caring about what others think. (65)
Our longing to fit in is only exceeded by our fear that we don't. (121)
You don't have to prove yourself or strive to be anyone other than who you are, because with true friends you belong just as you are. (127)
It feels so much better to set people up to be cheered than to be the one cheered. (211 --> volleyball analogy!)
When we fully surrender to God-- we shine. And the shine is never our own. The more we surrender the more we bask in His light and the more we reflect His light.(217)
Also, I just really liked being reminded of these truths:
Caring about others is more important than caring about what others think. (65)
Our longing to fit in is only exceeded by our fear that we don't. (121)
You don't have to prove yourself or strive to be anyone other than who you are, because with true friends you belong just as you are. (127)
It feels so much better to set people up to be cheered than to be the one cheered. (211 --> volleyball analogy!)
When we fully surrender to God-- we shine. And the shine is never our own. The more we surrender the more we bask in His light and the more we reflect His light.(217)
December 20, 2016
This took me awhile to finish as I moved in the middle and could not find it at the new library. I was able to find it through Overdrive and finally finished it. I found it a smooth read and comforting as I am not the only one that has compared my expectations to reality in my life as well as my reality to glimpses of others. I liked the different opportunities and views that Wyma came across and recounted in this book. Now, to remember them when comparison rears its ugly head.
August 22, 2015
Couldn't finish this book. I really wanted to like it and was attracted to the message the author was voicing. I have to agree with another reviewer and say the repetitiveness and the randomness was getting to be a bit too much. This would be perfect as a blog to document but lost me halfway through.
June 15, 2015
I thought this book was pretty predictable and didn't offer any new insights - pretty surface level unfortunately. Also, very parenting focused, so not as relevant to someone without kids.
July 10, 2015
I really liked some of the concepts presented in this book, but I did not care for the writing style. I didn't find it to be very well-organized, the author seemed to jump from story to story.
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July 23, 2024I’m Happy For You. Sort Of….Not Really. Delves into the world in which we live where it’s easier than ever to compare each and ever facet of our lives to those around us–now the neighbors grass is not only greener you can also compare your cabinets, social lives, and vacations thanks to social media. Although I didn’t realize it at first, I have really struggled with the jealousy and bitterness that comparison brings, and only within the last few years have had my eyes opened to how hurtful and damaging it really is!
I’m Happy For You assured me that I am not alone in struggling with this.
Paul Angone….calls comparison “the smallpox of our [the Millennial] generation” What’s Obsessive Comparison Disorder, you ask? It’s the new OCD I’ve coined to describe our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others, producing unwanted thoughts and feelings that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety, and all-around discontent.”
Kay talks about how prevalent it also is in the parenting world–we’ve all seen those hot button Mommy issues, from working to feeding, but what they all really boil down to is comparison and Kay breaks it down into easy to understand pieces, helping delve behind the scenes of the Mommy wars and pulling out the comparison monster and calling it for what really is going on.
One of my favorite parts of the book is when she talks about “The Glimpse”. How we see one, tiny, great (or maybe even not so great) part of someone else’s life and that’s all we can hyper focus on and compare how what they have and who they are and all they do is so much more than/less than ____ for us/than us. What we always forget, however, is that we are seeing one tiny snapshot of their current life, and we have no idea what else is going on behind the scenes.
What we see is often just a snapshot. Mistaking the Glimpse for reality generally leads us to either judge or covet. We land either on the feeling-Less-Than, wishing-it-were-me side of the scale or on the feeling-Better-Than-side. Neither of which is beneficial for anyone involved.
SO true! I also love how honest Kay is throughout the whole book, spilling her heart about the times she and her children have blown it, and the practical, simple, but hard ways they have all worked towards truly being happy for others, and themselves, rather than allowing comparison to run its ugly course.
Throughout the book she also includes many great quotes–one of my favorites is
This is one of the main reasons we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes with everybody else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
The whole book is full of great truth, good ideas, and easy to relate to stories. Some of the things she has tried and worked are ones that I have discovered over the past few years, as well, but the reminder to be ever on guard with something that is so easy to slip into every day was wonderful, as was knowing that I’m not alone.
I’m Happy For You assured me that I am not alone in struggling with this.
Paul Angone….calls comparison “the smallpox of our [the Millennial] generation” What’s Obsessive Comparison Disorder, you ask? It’s the new OCD I’ve coined to describe our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others, producing unwanted thoughts and feelings that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety, and all-around discontent.”
Kay talks about how prevalent it also is in the parenting world–we’ve all seen those hot button Mommy issues, from working to feeding, but what they all really boil down to is comparison and Kay breaks it down into easy to understand pieces, helping delve behind the scenes of the Mommy wars and pulling out the comparison monster and calling it for what really is going on.
One of my favorite parts of the book is when she talks about “The Glimpse”. How we see one, tiny, great (or maybe even not so great) part of someone else’s life and that’s all we can hyper focus on and compare how what they have and who they are and all they do is so much more than/less than ____ for us/than us. What we always forget, however, is that we are seeing one tiny snapshot of their current life, and we have no idea what else is going on behind the scenes.
What we see is often just a snapshot. Mistaking the Glimpse for reality generally leads us to either judge or covet. We land either on the feeling-Less-Than, wishing-it-were-me side of the scale or on the feeling-Better-Than-side. Neither of which is beneficial for anyone involved.
SO true! I also love how honest Kay is throughout the whole book, spilling her heart about the times she and her children have blown it, and the practical, simple, but hard ways they have all worked towards truly being happy for others, and themselves, rather than allowing comparison to run its ugly course.
Throughout the book she also includes many great quotes–one of my favorites is
This is one of the main reasons we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes with everybody else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
The whole book is full of great truth, good ideas, and easy to relate to stories. Some of the things she has tried and worked are ones that I have discovered over the past few years, as well, but the reminder to be ever on guard with something that is so easy to slip into every day was wonderful, as was knowing that I’m not alone.
May 15, 2017
I saw the title and the funny cover design for this book and knew I had to have it in my self-help collection.
I found Wyma's writing style fun and very down to earth. However, there were a few things about the book that kept it from being a homerun for me. The first thing was that it did not offer much advice or help. It was more of an autobiography about the author and her family. While I enjoyed hearing the stories about her children, I was expecting more of a "Do this to feel better about comparison" approach as opposed to "My child learned something about comparison today". The book was also considered a Christian Living book which I did not pick up from the cover. The Christian aspect of the book was pretty tolerable but just not what I was expecting. I have no problem with Christian literature - again, just didn't expect it.
Overall, it's a fun read and I did mark several pages because of outstanding quotes or important thoughts to remember.
I found Wyma's writing style fun and very down to earth. However, there were a few things about the book that kept it from being a homerun for me. The first thing was that it did not offer much advice or help. It was more of an autobiography about the author and her family. While I enjoyed hearing the stories about her children, I was expecting more of a "Do this to feel better about comparison" approach as opposed to "My child learned something about comparison today". The book was also considered a Christian Living book which I did not pick up from the cover. The Christian aspect of the book was pretty tolerable but just not what I was expecting. I have no problem with Christian literature - again, just didn't expect it.
Overall, it's a fun read and I did mark several pages because of outstanding quotes or important thoughts to remember.
August 19, 2017
"I'm Happy for You" by Kay Wills Wyma. Comparison. Contentment. Jealousy. All things that plague our society. This book was a quick, great read and it had perfect timing as one of my littles enters kindergarten this fall and she will likely begin the comparison game all on her own. This book isn't just for parents. It's perfect for me as an individual as I seek to better myself and break free of the comparison game that causes me to buy things I might not need or want, just because I see Joanna Gaines buy it on tv or buy an outfit I really don't need because it looked cute on someone else. In Aaron and I's pursuit of financial freedom, I have learned to tune out a lot of noise as we seeks what's important to us but I still find myself comparing theirs to ours from time to time. This book was the perfect refresher to keep me focused "on me" and "on us" and not "on them." I'm Happy for You. Are you happy for me? #kaywillswyma #imhappyforyou
September 4, 2017
Lots of great things to ponder in this book. While I haven't deleted my Facebook account I do wish in some ways that I had never started one and I did take the Facebook app off my phone after reading this. I am generally pretty good at not thinking a "glimpse" of someone's life on social media is an accurate picture of the whole. I know too many of the hard things my friends have gone through (and are still going through) to believe that. But I have caught myself on occasion feeling twinges of envy when I see other people's vacation photos - especially if they are somewhere warm in the middle of winter. I think this message is especially important for teens, avid users of social media, lacking the life experience to know that hard things happen to everyone.
One last note - the author is Christian (not of my faith) and I disagree with her interpretation/understanding of the story of Adam and Eve.
One last note - the author is Christian (not of my faith) and I disagree with her interpretation/understanding of the story of Adam and Eve.
November 4, 2018
I'm Happy for You (Sort Of... Not Really) by Kay Wills Wyma offers a how-to in combating the comparison culture that robs us of so much joy. Relatable, well-written, and filled with helpful anecdotes (Wyma's and others'), the book diagnoses the welcome and unwelcome aspects of comparison and how to find contentment in the midst of an act that is almost as unconscious as breathing. A common complaint I'm seeing in other reviews is that the book is repetitive and too long, but the subject of comparison is so pervasive and multifaceted that I welcomed the insights of each chapter. More so than other "change your perspective" books I've come across, I feel like the examples have actually taken root in my daily thoughts, and I'm much happier for it.
January 19, 2019
I not much a nonfiction reader but this is more of a "blogger book" style, so I decided it would be a good one to read in January. It talks through "Obsessive Comparison Disorder" (something I think our society struggles with now more than ever with the rise of social media, etc.) and gives several good points that were good for me to read in a month that focuses on resolutions. I loved her chapter on how we are only seeing people at a glimpse and making sure to teach your kids that. I would say add it to your list as it is easy to start and stop and easy to read. Not as practical as Cleaning House, but better than her book Not the Boss of Us IMO.
August 2, 2020
I'm Happy for You (Sort of...Not Really, by Kay Wills Wyma, is a self-help book about how we all let ourselves become that "Junior High Student", who is unsure and compares ourselves to others. Wyma focuses on the many ways that we berate ourselves for not having or being enough. I enjoyed the family stories (her children sometimes teach her), as well as case studies and commentary from others about their situations. I do think the book dragged a bit at the end and could have been condensed. Thank you to Netgalley for this free ebook in exchange for an honest review.
April 3, 2024
good for religious people and parents specifically
I read a sample of this book and it was down to this or another similar one. Seemed promising based upon the sample so I purchased. As I began reading farther it became more and more clear how slanted toward Christian based religion this book is. I tried to read around those parts but the rest was pretty much about comparison as it related to parenting. This excludes pretty much everyone else who might be interested in learning about comparison culture. If you fit that description then you’ll probably love this book.
I read a sample of this book and it was down to this or another similar one. Seemed promising based upon the sample so I purchased. As I began reading farther it became more and more clear how slanted toward Christian based religion this book is. I tried to read around those parts but the rest was pretty much about comparison as it related to parenting. This excludes pretty much everyone else who might be interested in learning about comparison culture. If you fit that description then you’ll probably love this book.
May 18, 2020
So helpful! I discovered this book exactly when I needed it!! I found it beneficial to read bits of this book at a time, in moments when I felt triggered by comparison.
If you're struggling with comparing yourself to others, or are seeking a read that is mindful yet entertaining, I highly recommend this!! There is a bit of Christianity thrown in but as a non religious person, I didn't find it overwhelming or too much.
If you're struggling with comparing yourself to others, or are seeking a read that is mindful yet entertaining, I highly recommend this!! There is a bit of Christianity thrown in but as a non religious person, I didn't find it overwhelming or too much.
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