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The Marriage Book: Centuries of Advice, Inspiration, and Cautionary Tales from Adam and Eve to Zoloft
The definitive anthology of wisdom and wit about one of life’s most complex, intriguing, and personal subjects.
When and whom do you marry? How do you keep a spouse content? Do all engaged couples get cold feet? How cold is so cold that you should pivot and flee? Where and how do children fit in? Is infidelity always wrong? In this volume, you won’t find a single answer to your questions about marriage; you will find hundreds.
Spanning centuries and cultures, sources and genres, The Marriage Book offers entries from ancient history and modern politics, poetry and pamphlets, plays and songs, newspaper ads and postcards. It is an A to Z compendium, exploring topics from Adam and Eve to Anniversaries, Fidelity to Freedom, Separations to Sex. In this volume, you’ll hear from novelists, clergymen, sex experts, and presidents, with guest appearances by the likes of Liz and Dick, Ralph and Alice, Louis CK, and Neil Patrick Harris. Casanova calls marriage the tomb of love, and Stephen King calls it his greatest accomplishment. With humor, perspective, breadth, and warmth, The Marriage Book is sure to become a classic.
When and whom do you marry? How do you keep a spouse content? Do all engaged couples get cold feet? How cold is so cold that you should pivot and flee? Where and how do children fit in? Is infidelity always wrong? In this volume, you won’t find a single answer to your questions about marriage; you will find hundreds.
Spanning centuries and cultures, sources and genres, The Marriage Book offers entries from ancient history and modern politics, poetry and pamphlets, plays and songs, newspaper ads and postcards. It is an A to Z compendium, exploring topics from Adam and Eve to Anniversaries, Fidelity to Freedom, Separations to Sex. In this volume, you’ll hear from novelists, clergymen, sex experts, and presidents, with guest appearances by the likes of Liz and Dick, Ralph and Alice, Louis CK, and Neil Patrick Harris. Casanova calls marriage the tomb of love, and Stephen King calls it his greatest accomplishment. With humor, perspective, breadth, and warmth, The Marriage Book is sure to become a classic.
560 pages, Hardcover
First published February 10, 2015
17 people are currently reading
713 people want to read
About the author
Lisa Grunwald
19 books458 followersLisa Grunwald is the author of the novels The Evolution of Annabel Craig, Time After Time, The Irresistible Henry House, Whatever Makes You Happy, New Year's Eve, The Theory of Everything, and Summer. Along with her husband, former Reuters editor-in-chief Stephen J. Adler, she edited the bestselling anthologies The Marriage Book, Women's Letters and Letters of the Century. Grunwald is an occasional essayist and runs a side hustle on Etsy called ProcrastinationArts, where she sells other things she makes with pencils and paper. She lives in New York City.
Photo courtesy of author website.
Photo courtesy of author website.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
March 29, 2015
This was a marriage book unlike any I’ve ever read before. It was not your classic self-help/make-my-marriage-better marriage book… but rather a compilation of all things “marriage”… or as the author calls it, an “Anthology.” It was actually really funny, interesting, and unique to read... as it encompassed everything marriage from subjects A-Z… from “Anniversaries” to “Sex” to “Work” and everything and anything in between. I say it was funny, because there was a LOT of humor in this book… from comics, to jokes, to even modern-day television sit-com references, and movie references. I never expected that I’d be laughing out loud while reading this book, but I was… many, many times. And I learned a lot of historical things about marriage too, which I enjoyed. I even read one part aloud to my own husband, about what was expected of a good wife, and what was expected of a good husband back in the early 1900’s. It was really unique and interesting to read that, because it was a rating score, about how your mate “rated” in doing various good deeds and various bad deeds… and to look at that and see how things have changed over the past 100 years since then. For example, I’d would not be able to wear my red nail polish, as I do today (in fact, wearing all sorts of shades of red as I do), 100 years ago or else I’d have been considered a bad wife. It’s funny how things change… even quite drastically, over time. So, all in all, this is a fantastic book for anyone who’s married, for anyone who’s getting married or wants to get married, and also for anyone who wants to read about any and all things marriage-related. I truly enjoyed reading this… as I know you will as well!!!
March 3, 2015
I meant only to browse--and it's very good for browsing--and the hours passed. Such an entertaining romp through marriage. I wish I'd had it before I wed and during. Since I'm still wed to the guy at least I'll have this reference for the second half of our adventure.
December 9, 2014
I first want to say, this is a book with excellent sources so it would make a good reference for all who are married or plan to be. That said, I think you should know that is all there is to it.
There are sources, comments, citations, quotes, from all manner of books and even the bible. In between is commentary from the authors. Their outlook on marriage struck me as a bit cynical or dated. I have been married over 22 years myself. I think of my husband as my best friend and so I have similar views to the authors - but not quite.
I enjoyed the "Marriage Rating Scale" in section F of the book. I found it gave me a fit of the giggles but I - nor my husband cared to get an exact number since we feel we are in a good place where we are.
I think this is a great gift book, even a great gag gift for those you wish you could with their relationship but they do not take advice well. It could sit on the coffee table where anyone could open it and improve upon ones marriage.
I am going to say I recommend this book with just a simple stipulation - be sure to remember that every relationship is in its own stage and what works for one will not work for another. That is what has helped me in mine, anyhow. That is also why I think the authors told of how they do it - and not giving strict advice, per se. Good reference book!
***This ARC copy was given free from Netgalley.com for review purposes.
There are sources, comments, citations, quotes, from all manner of books and even the bible. In between is commentary from the authors. Their outlook on marriage struck me as a bit cynical or dated. I have been married over 22 years myself. I think of my husband as my best friend and so I have similar views to the authors - but not quite.
I enjoyed the "Marriage Rating Scale" in section F of the book. I found it gave me a fit of the giggles but I - nor my husband cared to get an exact number since we feel we are in a good place where we are.
I think this is a great gift book, even a great gag gift for those you wish you could with their relationship but they do not take advice well. It could sit on the coffee table where anyone could open it and improve upon ones marriage.
I am going to say I recommend this book with just a simple stipulation - be sure to remember that every relationship is in its own stage and what works for one will not work for another. That is what has helped me in mine, anyhow. That is also why I think the authors told of how they do it - and not giving strict advice, per se. Good reference book!
***This ARC copy was given free from Netgalley.com for review purposes.
March 3, 2015
Funny, wise, provocative and essential words about why marriage works and why it doesn't. These authors have scoured literature and pop culture and come up with remarkable insights and history. The book is beautiful, a remarkable read, and an essential for anyone who's ever thought about marriage.
March 3, 2015
A big fan of Grunwald and Adler's other books, I couldn't wait to get my hands on the galleys of this one. I loved it--so much insight, so much humor, so much complexity ... and a lot of wisdom for anyone who's interested in marriage. Meaning, just about all of us.
February 17, 2016
Not so much a read-through novel as an anthology of various articles, quotes, etc. containing observations, jokes, and insights about the institution of marriage. They are arranged into chapters by subject, on everything from expectations to divorce to devotion. I saw some extremely touching letters from writers to their spouses, as well as short one-line jokes such as, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, for there are plenty of others." There were checklists such as one on how to avoid a bad husband written in 1853 ("Never marry a mope, or a drone, one who drawls through life...") to 2000's blog posts on marriage (one listed the best things about marriage, including sex, a shoulder to cry on, someone to help with the chores, etc.) Would like to read this more thoroughly someday when I have more free time.
November 29, 2015
I received a copy of this book through a Goodreads giveaway. It is a long book organized alphabetically by topic (divorce, honeymoon, etc.) and not really something you'd sit and slog all the way through. Seems better suited as a coffee table book to be picked up and flipped through to read a few entries here and there. I thought the authors did a nice job of trying to track down the original sources of various quotes and anecdotes and provided interesting examples of former (sometimes cringe-inducing) societal attitudes toward marriage, and women in particular. I definitely laughed out loud at points. I plan to pass this book along to the next friend who gets married.
June 6, 2015
Just not what I thought it was going to be, sadly. Each entry is super super long. Instead of little blurbs, it's long ass entries on a few select things that may possibly relate to marriage. Good coffee table book maybe, but not so much if you are trying to build up and maintain your healthy marriage. Not in my opinion.
October 3, 2015
This is a book you should keep on your shelf and go to for wedding toasts and advice to friends whose marriage is in trouble, or someone who is considering marriage. It contains quotes from everything from the Christian Bible to Willie Nelson, ancient wisdom, homilies, and new ideas on the subject. It i arranged from A to Z: Adam and Eve to Zoloft. Appropriate somehow.
June 8, 2016
This is my go-to wedding gift. It's wise and witty and wonderful. I think if a couple were to take one quotation or small essay a week to share, dialogue, and journal about, it would take about 17.5 years to work through the entire book. And, I predict, they would still be married.
October 16, 2017
Interesting read on subjects related to marriage over the centuries. If nothing else, this book will show you how much improved our societal attitudes are today than in previous centuries, or even decades.
August 18, 2015
Not marriage advice but anecdotes or musings on alphabetical topics. a lot of inchresting stuff. AdmittedlyI skipped a few spots.
September 17, 2018
Upon opening the book, I instantly felt as if I was talking to the couple in person (the authors are married). I could just imagine them — probably fun-loving, willing to have a little laugh at each other’s expense, but at the end of the day, with an easy way of being together that single people everywhere eye with envy. (Grunwald looks a bit like Susan Egan, so that probably didn’t hurt, either.) In any case, their writing style in the introduction is a delightful mix of serene, witty, and wise. I was almost disappointed to realize that most of the book is excerpts from other writings. However, they are artfully arranged and commented upon.
To me, this book was an enigma, but it promised to be a hope, a comfort, a guide. Of course, not everything that has been written about marriage is joyful or even hopeful. I knew that some, or perhaps even much, of what I read woud be disenchanting at best. On this topic, the authors said it best:
"Frankly, we anticipated that lifting the veil (or the covers) would reveal more lost illusions than fairy-tale moments. What surprised us was the persistence with which the crazy optimism of marriage kept coming through, and the extent to which some of the most distant exampes — whether in time or place — held a personal resonance for us."
—The Marriage Book, p. xv
In leafing through the book, I did feel sometimes — and perhaps more often than not — disheartened by the lack of optimism I found there. I found marriage contracts with pessimistic divorce clauses; jokes about unhappiness in a long marriage; stories of fights, incompatibilities, and unfaithfulness. Conversely, neither did I feel particularly compelled by quotes from rapturous love letters crafted in the early months of infatuation; this kind of affection can, and indeed must, either fade or transform into something else — a partnership that is ever-adapting and full of mutual generosity, in which two people see each other, not as they wish the other to be, but as they are.
But, as the authors said, that “crazy optimism” kept coming through. Past all the cynicism and tiredness, the book kept coming back to the kind of love that endures. One of the very last entries was a poem by a man named Philip Levine. In introducing the poem, the authors wrote, “Acknowledging the toll that marriage, time, and the work of raising three sons were taking on his wife, Levine spent months working on this poem. When he finally read it to her, he wrote, ‘She wept with gratitude.'” Maybe a strange reaction to some, but what greater blessing can a life give than a partner who one strives to fully understand, and who gives that understanding in return? To see someone in all their wonderful qualities, faults, and blessings — maybe I’m cherry-picking, or maybe I’m infected with that “crazy optimism,” too, but in my young and never-married eyes, that’s gotta be what partnership is really all about.
(Excerpted from the full reflection I posted to my blog --https://hewittcaro.wordpress.com/2018...)
To me, this book was an enigma, but it promised to be a hope, a comfort, a guide. Of course, not everything that has been written about marriage is joyful or even hopeful. I knew that some, or perhaps even much, of what I read woud be disenchanting at best. On this topic, the authors said it best:
"Frankly, we anticipated that lifting the veil (or the covers) would reveal more lost illusions than fairy-tale moments. What surprised us was the persistence with which the crazy optimism of marriage kept coming through, and the extent to which some of the most distant exampes — whether in time or place — held a personal resonance for us."
—The Marriage Book, p. xv
In leafing through the book, I did feel sometimes — and perhaps more often than not — disheartened by the lack of optimism I found there. I found marriage contracts with pessimistic divorce clauses; jokes about unhappiness in a long marriage; stories of fights, incompatibilities, and unfaithfulness. Conversely, neither did I feel particularly compelled by quotes from rapturous love letters crafted in the early months of infatuation; this kind of affection can, and indeed must, either fade or transform into something else — a partnership that is ever-adapting and full of mutual generosity, in which two people see each other, not as they wish the other to be, but as they are.
But, as the authors said, that “crazy optimism” kept coming through. Past all the cynicism and tiredness, the book kept coming back to the kind of love that endures. One of the very last entries was a poem by a man named Philip Levine. In introducing the poem, the authors wrote, “Acknowledging the toll that marriage, time, and the work of raising three sons were taking on his wife, Levine spent months working on this poem. When he finally read it to her, he wrote, ‘She wept with gratitude.'” Maybe a strange reaction to some, but what greater blessing can a life give than a partner who one strives to fully understand, and who gives that understanding in return? To see someone in all their wonderful qualities, faults, and blessings — maybe I’m cherry-picking, or maybe I’m infected with that “crazy optimism,” too, but in my young and never-married eyes, that’s gotta be what partnership is really all about.
(Excerpted from the full reflection I posted to my blog --https://hewittcaro.wordpress.com/2018...)
January 25, 2020
Favorite Quotes
• After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Even in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. - Mark Twain
• Someday, all too soon one of us will be forced to test the shattering emptiness[...]One of us will go first but the other will celebrate our treasure, our union and love with a transcending joy[...]I walk so much slower now, and a little stooped. It's not because I'm tired or weary, but no one can walk fast, who is weighted down with great dreams and precious memories. - H. Dean Rutherford
• When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman up into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transistory, but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation. - Friedrich Neitzsche
• Always leave home with a tender good-bye and loving words. They may be the last. - Thomas Hill
• In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In later years, you fight because you do. - Jean Didion
• (Richard Feyman's letter to his deceased wife on pages 58-59)
• There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps. - Ronald Reagan
• If all of this sounds humdrum and unromantic, it's anything but. Through small but important ways, Olivia and Nathaniel are maintaining the friendship that is the foundation of their love. As a result they have a marriage that is far more passionate than do couples who punctuate their lives together with romantic vacations and lavish anniversary gifts but have fallen out of touch in their daily lives. - John Gottman & Nan Silver
• Your ordinary man who does brilliant things would be ordinary all the time were it not for the fact that he is inspired by a woman. Great thoughts and great deeds are the children of married minds. - Elbert Hubbard
• Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. - Fortune Cookie
• I think it's the moment when one is working in one's garden, perhaps picking off a few dead flowers, and suddenly one thinks, "My husband lives in that house, and he loves me." - Virginia Woolf
• Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded. - Diana, Princess of Wales
• (A Roomful of Yearning and Regret by Wendy Plump on pages 219-222)
• To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. - Love and Death, Woody Allen
Thoughts
• I did not know what to expect when I first picked this up, but it is absolutely charming! It makes me laugh, cry and scowl. Such amazing quotes!
• It is a casual table read for sure and not something to binge read in one go. It is good to pick up and flip through each evening.
4 / 5
• After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Even in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. - Mark Twain
• Someday, all too soon one of us will be forced to test the shattering emptiness[...]One of us will go first but the other will celebrate our treasure, our union and love with a transcending joy[...]I walk so much slower now, and a little stooped. It's not because I'm tired or weary, but no one can walk fast, who is weighted down with great dreams and precious memories. - H. Dean Rutherford
• When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman up into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transistory, but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation. - Friedrich Neitzsche
• Always leave home with a tender good-bye and loving words. They may be the last. - Thomas Hill
• In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In later years, you fight because you do. - Jean Didion
• (Richard Feyman's letter to his deceased wife on pages 58-59)
• There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps. - Ronald Reagan
• If all of this sounds humdrum and unromantic, it's anything but. Through small but important ways, Olivia and Nathaniel are maintaining the friendship that is the foundation of their love. As a result they have a marriage that is far more passionate than do couples who punctuate their lives together with romantic vacations and lavish anniversary gifts but have fallen out of touch in their daily lives. - John Gottman & Nan Silver
• Your ordinary man who does brilliant things would be ordinary all the time were it not for the fact that he is inspired by a woman. Great thoughts and great deeds are the children of married minds. - Elbert Hubbard
• Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. - Fortune Cookie
• I think it's the moment when one is working in one's garden, perhaps picking off a few dead flowers, and suddenly one thinks, "My husband lives in that house, and he loves me." - Virginia Woolf
• Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded. - Diana, Princess of Wales
• (A Roomful of Yearning and Regret by Wendy Plump on pages 219-222)
• To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. - Love and Death, Woody Allen
Thoughts
• I did not know what to expect when I first picked this up, but it is absolutely charming! It makes me laugh, cry and scowl. Such amazing quotes!
• It is a casual table read for sure and not something to binge read in one go. It is good to pick up and flip through each evening.
4 / 5
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 7, 2015
It was interesting to see how attitudes toward marriage and one's spouse have changed (or not changed!) over the years and to read quotes and advice from various historical authors on different aspects of marriage. Some funny, some condescending, some thought-provoking.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews