Adult Children of High-Conflict Parents: Find Freedom from Your Past, Heal the Pain of Toxic Relational Trauma, and Cultivate Lasting Self-Love

by Tracy S. Hutchinson PhD

High-conflict parents are beyond toxic. Learn to heal the invisible wounds of growing up with a vindictive, emotionally abusive parent with this powerful, evidence-based guide.

Did you grow up in an emotionally invalidating environment? Were your parents verbally abusive toward you—or each other? Were they self-righteous, or even vengeful? Did they thrive on creating family drama, dysfunction, and conflict? Did you often feel bullied by them? If so, you probably had high-conflict parents, and you may have developed chronic relational trauma—enduring harm caused by one or more parents—as an adult. So, how can you heal the invisible wounds of your childhood, and build the life and relationships you deserve?

Adult Children of High-Conflict Parents offers practical skills to help you identify, cope with, and heal from dysfunctional family dynamics. Using a blend of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), internal family systems therapy (IFS), EMDR, and mindfulness, the integrative approach in this guide will help you break unhealthy relationship patterns, set boundaries with others, cultivate self-compassion and self-awareness, and thrive as an adult. You’ll also find tools to help you manage intense emotions of your own, understand where these emotions come from, and finally break the cycle of trauma and emotional abuse.

The long-term emotional, psychological, and physical effects of relational trauma can be devastating—leading to low self-esteem, low self-worth, anxiety, guilt, excessive anger, and even physical health issues and substance abuse problems. But there are ways you can begin to heal. With this compassionate guide, you can move past the pain of growing up with high-conflict parents, and start moving toward a life of vitality, meaning, and happiness.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

168 pages, Paperback

Published November 1, 2025

About the author

Tracy S. Hutchinson, PhD, is an academic, psychotherapist, and clinical supervisor with decades of experience teaching and helping people understand and heal from the unseen emotional dynamics rooted in their relationships. She has taught at the master’s and doctoral level as an assistant professor and faculty at several universities, and has published in many academic journals and textbooks. Hutchinson has presented both nationally and internationally in the field of mental health counseling and psychology, and currently teaches at the College of William & Mary in the graduate clinical mental health counseling program. She is also a psychotherapist in private practice, and specializes in narcissistic abuse and recovery in families, relationships, and adult children of high-conflict parents.

Dr. Hutchinson has been featured in various national news outlets and publications such as CNBC, ABC, CBS, the Associated Press, and national and international magazines such as Vogue, SELF, and “Ask America’s Experts” in Women’s World magazine. Her popular columns in Psychology Today, “The Pulse of Mental Health” and “Silencing Your Inner Bully,” are widely read with millions of views.

Reviews

[Scott S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A+++ - Excellent book and resource!

This book really captures what it’s like to grow up with parents who argue, criticize, or create tension. I found myself recognizing so many patterns I hadn’t fully understood before. Hutchinson explains these experiences with clarity and compassion, weaving together CBT, DBT, IFS, and mindfulness in a way that feels practical and grounded in real science.

The exercises are clear and effective, helping you see where your reactions come from and how to shift them. What stood out most to me is that Hutchinson doesn’t focus on blame. The book guides you toward healing, setting boundaries, and creating a steadier, more meaningful life.

I’m impressed with Hutchinson’s depth and insight. The writing feels warm, wise, and genuine. This book is an excellent resource for anyone who grew up in a high-conflict or emotionally charged home and wants practical tools to move forward with confidence and peace.

[James Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great find. I found Adult Children of High-Conflict Parents to be quite helpful and insightful. The chapter on what keeps you stuck was a definite eye opener for me. I finally saw what has kept me trapped in a messed up and volatile family dynamic (and even some other relationships). It was a revealing moment. Surely many can relate.
I will say this book has definitely changed the way I think about my family relationships. Something I desperately needed to do. Also appreciated the final chapters on healing from relational trauma, which explore spirituality and meaning. An approach I haven’t seen in other books on this. It shows a path to transform painful experiences into healing, and how to let go.
I definitely recommend this book to anyone looking to understand and move beyond the hardship of growing up with high conflict parents.

[Angelo Gomez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I strongly recommend this book. This is the result of many years of experience, research, and work to help people who are affected by this condition and fall into this family dynamics.

This long awaited book is a must read in both counseling and psychology. Practitioners and patients will find a clear explanation and solutions to deal with high-conflict parents. The book uses easy to understand language that brings light to a topic that can be cumbersome, and difficult to accept.

What you will find in this book is:
- help to define and identify this family dynamics,
- guidance on how to deal with this problems, and
- solutions to apply to cope with this situation.

Again, this is without a doubt must read in the literature of this topic.

[Stacy Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a child of an alcoholic, this book title resonated immediately with me. This book I think has saved me more years of therapy because she covers many helpful and life changing points, including assessing what "level" your parent is from 1-3. This was so eye opening because my mother is a level 3-- beyond narcissistic maybe even psychopathic because the author provides so many helpful stories in the book that helped me relate! It give me the freedom and helps decrease my guilt of not having a relationship with her after years of cruelty. This information changed my life and perspective, thank you for writing about it!!

[Sharon Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the pleasure of reading an advance copy of Adult Children of High-Conflict Parents, and I can confidently say it’s a valuable resource for anyone who grew up in a tense or unpredictable family. As a psychotherapist, I’ll be recommending it to clients who are looking to understand the long-term impact of growing up in a high-conflict home and find healthier ways to cope. Dr. Hutchinson combines compassion with practical guidance, offering tools for setting boundaries, managing emotions, and healing old wounds. If you relate, treat yourself to a copy of this book!

[Karen Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is manual for self-led healing. The author sites phycological studies, provides antidotal examples and exercises that systematically leads the reader to understanding, acceptance and inner peace. The chapters embrace the nuances of human relationships and welcomes viewing the gray areas to make sense of one’s past experiences. The author provides supportive understanding to help one transform and release the past. I could have used this very helpful book much earlier in life... so glad to have found it now. I highly recommend this book!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

She is very compassionate and definitely a healer. Really love the chapter on spirituality. As a spiritual person, I like ideas to help healing through my traumatic family and why this happened because it has been both painful, full of betrayal, and devastating. It seems very unfair.. She understands what I have been through and gives me hope! But it's hard. Hoping to forgive and move on from this painful experience over time, and this book has tools to help. An essential read for those who want hope and healing!

[Gretta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an EXCELLENT guidebook because it provides clear, free, and actionable ways for people to heal from high-conflict relationships. Per the author's suggestion, I took long breaks in between chapters to digest some of the intense material. Despite some of the heavy stories, I continued to read the book, and I’m so glad I did. I gained deep insights from the exercises, suggestions, and examples. If you have been in any high-conflict relationship, this book will help you move forward with a newfound level of hope. I highly recommend it.

[Jennifer C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how the book is empowering and helps you move past feeling like a target (which I have been) and and into possible new life with new ways of looking at my suffering, sadness, and feeling emotionally alone. Really recommend for survivors of toxic families and parent(s)! A must read.

[Sandy Nucelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

A validating guidebook.