The eldest daughter is going to turn 21 soon and over the last while she has become increasingly interested in photography. She bought a Holga camera while away – sort of a plastic toy thing that leaks light but uses serious photographic film – all very artistic if absurdly expensive at the same time, while also being a little strange too, given the cost to quality ratio issues.
Anyway, having to tape up a camera so as to cut out some of the light getting in through the case seems to have made her even more keen. Nothing like adversity to spark interest, I guess.
A friend of hers, while she was in Japan, had a canon digital SLR and took really lovely photographs – strikingly good. There was little question that she would want one too sooner or later. The excuse has come with the imminent birthday.
I have to confess that I’m also a bit addicted to technology and stuff with menus and dials and buttons and numbers. I can’t begin to tell you how hard it has been not buying an Ipad. Even I can see I don’t need one. But then, as my mate Shakespeare said, “O reason not the need! Our basest beggars are in the poorest thing superfluous.”
The problem with a lot of this stuff is that in the olden days, when I was a lad and the world was a younger and less interesting place, the simple rule of thumb was to buy the most expensive thing you could afford. Good things are quality things and quality is (or was) directly proportional to money expended. But computers have proven that simple equation wrong now. There is only really one rule with computers – buy a Mac. Other than that , it is merely a matter of resigning yourself to having to go on buying a new one every other year.
So, off we trudged into the midday sun with a distinct shortage of mad dogs and with an abundance of Englishmen slaughtering us in the cricket (here we go, here we go, here we go – did I hear you say?) and went to various shops looking for advice, if not affection.
This review is my advice to anyone thinking of doing such a thing. I know it is not the same – but imagine you had never driven a car before, and never been in a car before to even know how one might drive a car, but suddenly you have taken a notion (had a rush of blood, been bitten by the bug of technological innovation, realised you have not been fulfilling your duty to our great consumerist society that asks so little of you) that you might quite like to try out for the Grand Prix. Well, Fi has the same interest in the esoteric pleasures awaiting her behind the lens of a professionalish camera. My advice is to find out something about them FIRST, you know, before you go into the shop. As with the car – find out the difference between an automatic and a manual, and a Ferrari and a VW – and then go talk to people in the shops. Otherwise, expect it all to end in tears.
The first shop we went into had a young shop attendant who made no secret of the fact that he quite fancied my daughter. I’m not normally terribly observant of such things – but the fact he didn’t once make eye contact with me the whole time I was talking to him and that he was obviously drooling might have been the give away. I said to her as we left the shop that she played it all wrong. When he said, “Is there anything I can do for you?” she should have said, “Well, first you could take me out to dinner and then afterwards I expect you to decide whether we are going back to your place or mine – but in the meantime tell me about these awfully clever camera thingies. You know, we girls struggle so with the kinds of things you big strong men blah, blah, blah.” (insert sound of eyelashes batting – is that a sound?)
The next place had a German guy who talked in numbers. “It’s all about the lenses and the 1000 has the 35 to 85 which of course with scaling becomes a 1.7 after 5.3 unless you need more than ISO 1600, then you’ll need the 550 which makes …” I so wanted to say Bingo! But in a life composed almost entirely of regrets that is just the latest although, perhaps, least serious.
He also told me that with some lenses having a camera with more megapixels (something I always thought was like money or thinness – you couldn’t really have too much of) could mean that things are all a bit close together and you can get diffraction. Diffraction occurs when the space between two things is getting close to the wavelength of the light passing between them. I hadn’t thought this would be a problem as the wavelength of light is pretty small, but apparently it is under certain conditions. Why is this a problem? Well, the point of lots of megapixels is to have clear images and the point of diffraction is a spreading out of light and it so makes things look fuzzy. Fuzzy is the natural enemy of clear (fuzzy being to clear what hot is to cold) – and so that became but one more confusion to add to a situation that had already become richly abundant in bewilderments.
The next guy wanted to be a car salesman when he grew up. He spent all of his time telling us about electric windows and Hyundai base model cars (which, I guess, unfortunately don’t come with electric windows – otherwise his metaphor makes even less sense than I thought it did). I don’t think he mentioned cameras once in the whole time we were in the shop – an interesting selling technique, but not one that worked in my case.
I need to find Mr Inbetween. The person who knows lots about DSLRs but can tell me about them without talking about cars instead.
So, I got hold of this book and read it (half of it, anyway) last night. I now know more about DSLRs than I probably need to and am utterly smitten. Oh god, that’s all I need, one more technological addiction. There really should be a clinic somewhere.