How to Kill Friends and Eviscerate People

by Tim Paggi

STOP WORKING AND START KILLING!



Murder should be as simple as eating and breathing, but can become quite intimidating, can't it? In this book, Jenny Johnston provides step-by-step details of her transformation from an ordinary businesswoman into a conduit for demonic torment. Following her journey, you'll get insight into topics



The real secret to supernatural warfare (it's not what you think!)

Networking with high priestesses for cosmic entities

How to weaponize word processing software features

Confused? That's natural. As Jenny demonstrates, reality is far different than ordinary folk can comprehend. The millennium is turning, the old world is dying, and the angel of death casts her shadow across all human endeavors, indifferent to logic or reason.

Genres: Fiction, Horror

160 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 27, 2024

About the author

Tim Paggi is a horror writer, poet, playwright and performer from Baltimore, MD. He is the author of "How to Kill Friends and Eviscerate People" and the forthcoming "The Other Side of the Hallway." He holds an MFA in Creative Writing and Publication Arts from the University of Baltimore, and serves as associate editor for Bruiser Mag.

Reviews

[Kate Victoria RescueandReading · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Have you ever wished you could stop competing with your coworkers, and just murder them instead?”

Part self help book, part murderous biography (fictional… or is it?), this book is altogether very strange and VERY interesting.

Readers follow Jenny as she details the issues she ran into climbing the corporate ladder, how she obtained powers, and how she eliminated the competition. You’ll receive tips and tricks on acting out your own murderous work force intentions.

This is one that you’ll have to read and experience for yourself to get the full picture!

Thank you to BookSirens and the author (and Jenny) for a copy!

[Tim Paggi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t take credit for this one. It was all my co-writer.

[Ash Mcelf · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible read that reaches into your brain, whips up your grey matter and bakes a beautiful cake. I cannot wait to sink my teeth into whatever else Tim writes.

[Ghoulfriend_pls · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easily 5 stars. This book rocks. If you’re like most of the world and have worked a job, especially in an office or even dreaded working an office job this will speak to you, validate you, and make you laugh. I opened the first page and started cracking up and then couldn’t put this down. It’s also quite terrifying too. It covers a lot of the typical office nightmare scenarios-amped up the extreme. I’m also a Marylander and loved the setting of this book-Baltimore! Always fun to read something and know the streets and places the characters reference. While this book is morbidly funny it also has a pretty gripping plot and story and makes some subtle but solid underlying points. I personally loved the way this wrapped up too.
Even if you’re not a Marylander: This book is very worth the read. Maybe don’t take all of dear Jenny’s “excellent” advice though 😂

Thank you to Book Sirens for the ARC and to Tim Paggi for having me on your review team, it was a pleasure to read and review this one! I liked this so much I went and purchased a paperback copy for our home library. 🙂

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written to fast-paced and cinematic (call Boots Riley or M. Night Shyamalan), Paggi will leave you unsettled as Jenny Johnston dives deeper and deeper into her murderous advice while still maintaining the business self-help energy: "That was the moment I knew I'd acquired true power. I'd spent the week murdering men, but feeling true power is often more about who witnesses your evolution than what your accomplishments are. In this case, seeing my former mentor justifiably terrified of me trumped all other milestones." (156)

Can we also take a moment for a hilarious/horrifying MS Paperclip scene?

Paggi hits the suburban business-mindset hard: "I assure you, the reason you delay is not because you haven't thought enough. It's because you've thought too much, to the point that your conception of what to do has become monstrously overcomplicated." (45)

[Drew HikingPigeon · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a great blend of things like American Psycho, Office Space, and H.P. Lovecraft. You should read it.

[Andy Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good!

[sugarnsass_reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

5😈
Fun read, written like self help book for those who feel overlooked and frustrated with terrible bosses and awful coworkers. Told from 1st POV, Jenny quickly makes connections with ‘the reader’. Who enjoys team building activities? Not me! and Jenny experiences a team building failure that sets everything in motion. Unique, laugh out loud, revenge filled read!

[Lyda]

finally a self help book that actually helps my self! thank you jenny johnston (and whoever tim is) for fixing my Life and trimming the fat off of it. didnt need the gorey extraneous bits anyways

[Cass Parrish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I.....am....SCREAMING this book had me giggling out loud almost the entire book. The first paragraph snagged me right off the bat. The main character Jenny was absolutely hilarious. I soooo needed this. thank you so much Tim! This ride was amazing!

[Jay Wilcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not for the faint of heart! With sections like COMPREHENDING COSMIC ENTITIES and THE REAL SECRET TO SUPERNATURAL TORMENT, "How to Kill Friends and Eviscerate People" blends self-help with a horror that sneaks up on you. This book wraps its universe around you with a chill that lingers after the last page.

[David Swisher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Corporate Cosmic Horror is for me, and this book cements that. This is written as a self help book by our MC Jenny Johnston. Now Jenny is a big shot at a huge corporation in 1996, but her fellow big wigs don't respect her so she decides to murder them.

But not just any murder will do, she acquires supernatural powers and strikes fear into them while she murders them.

How? Well, that's what this self help book will show you exactly how to do. You will go on Jenny's journey as told by her first hand and gain insight on how to kill friends and eviscerate people.

It gets a little overly goofy at times for my liking, but overall it's a great read, fun, and full of interesting kills

[Horror Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book about a woman trying to climb a corporate ladder but is largely ignored and kept in the dark despite being a department head. When she's had enough, she seeks dark magic powers from a witch and an eldritch god to kill those who stand in her way.

But it's written like an 80's self help book, full of positive thinking and instructions on how you too can achieve your goals through the help of a cosmic horror death god!

I read this in a single day because it's one of those books which does things differently yet still manages to terrify and make you laugh at the same time. It's a fantastic combination of unsettling horrors and humor.

Written in first person perspective, the lead character is unforgiving in her pursuit of dealing death to those who have wronged her. Yeah, she's a bit of a psychopath but a loveable one.

And remember, this is written as a self help book which is a narrative structure I loved. It's unique, unhinged, and oddly motivating...not to become a serial killer or anything but just in the tone and structure of the writing.

Once she becomes a servant of this eldritch entity, she's able to horrifically kill others in very gruesome ways without leading back to her. But there's also other mysterious characters and secrets to be revealed along the way.

Part cosmic horror, part satire of corporate jobs and self help, and all the way engaging and funny, I highly recommend this book.

I received a copy of this book through Booksirens. This review is voluntary and is my own personal opinion.

[Alison Faichney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read! This was my first work by Paggi (and Johnston 😉) and it falls more into deadpan humor horror which works really well in the context.

In HtKFaEP we follow Jenny Johnston. She has climbed the corporate ladder more than many but now is stuck in stasis and is apathetic to the extreme. A chance encounter leads to some wild discoveries for Jenny and the world will be forever altered.

Paggi manages to come up with some really unique methods of murder that manage to hit both incredibly creepy but also bizarrely humorous. Our protagonist, Jenny, isn’t particularly likable and really none of the characters are. This definitely seems intentional as we watch this detestable company spiral as their executive team is rapidly destroyed and leaves the reader with a sense of satisfaction. In addition to the dark humor, the horror in this story is cosmic which only increased its appeal for me.

There were a few things about the story which felt incongruous (Jenny’s family, for example) and I initially assumed there’d be some bigger twists coming. Overall this didn’t affect my opinion of the book too significantly as the humor and strangeness of this book made it a really enjoyable read.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

✨ Thanks to Booksirens and Scope Creep for the ebook in exchange for an honest review. ✨

"Have you ever wished you could stop competing with your coworkers and just murder them instead?"

The book starts with that excellent question. Feeling like you can’t reach your full potential at work because of things like sexism or coworkers who keep taking credit for your ideas? Jenny has a very simple solution for you: murder. Now, sure, it’s not easy to get started, but that’s why she’s here for people who feel a little bit shy—she was once one of those people too.

Let’s get this out of the way immediately: it’s humor. This book doesn’t actually suggest that murder is the solution to all your problems (right?). The funniest part of the book isn’t just the advice (although it is hilarious), but the way the book is written. It has that classic 80s self-help book vibe, in both the best and worst ways. A little bit of "let me tell you about my life, dear reader," a little bit of bullet points with actionable goals, and a lot of "you can do it if you get out of your own way."

It’s done in a clever way, it’s incredibly funny, and it’s the perfect dark humor escape if work is currently trying to kill you.

[Dionne Muller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tim Paggi's satirical masterpiece "How to Kill Friends and Eviscerate People" takes a darkly comedic look at the ruthless, backstabbing nature of the corporate world.

With a sharp tongue planted firmly in cheek, Paggi lays out a step-by-step guide on how to claw one's way to the top of the corporate ladder by any means necessary. From devious tactics to sabotage coworkers, to obsequious brown-nosing to charm the bigwigs, no underhanded strategy is left unexplored in this mock instruction manual.

Paggi's biting wit and sarcastic tone shine through as he details the transformation of an everyday businesswoman into a conduit of career-driven malevolence, highlighting the cutthroat lengths some will go to get ahead professionally.

While wrapped in humour, the book serves as a thought-provoking, if unsettling, social commentary on the darker undercurrents of unbridled ambition in the workplace.

Paggi masterfully walks the line between satire and realism, prompting the reader to ponder what lurks beneath the slick veneers of the corporate elite.

[Kamiye · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I read, “Have you ever wished you could stop competing with your coworkers and just murder them instead?” I knew this was a good book choice.

Who never dreamed of eviscerating a coworker? Pushing someone onto the abyss to never hear from them again? Jenny has powers now and she is ready to use them. Let her help you educate yourself on the art of killing and eviscerating.

A corporate workplace satire sprinkled with dark magic and a bit of crazy. I laughed and also wanted to cry at some parts because satire aside, the description of the corporate “ladder” is way too real. I get it Jenny, I get it.

The dark magic horror part comes bit by bit - killing aside; obviously. A bit rushed for me by the end of the book but still enjoyable.

This was a good read. It’s been a while since I read a cool horror book. I didn’t know about the author and I’m glad I picked it up.

Please note: I received a copy of this book, and I am leaving this honest review voluntarily.

[Dex · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an eARC for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

How to Kill Friends and Eviscerate People is one of the best horror comedies I've read in a long time. As someone who used to read an embarrassing amount of self help books, this one hit that tone so well it was unnerving. Being in the narcissistic and snarky mind of Jenny Johnston was a trip I won't forget. Her cold and calculated kills are so fun - it gave me all the 80s/90s horror movie vibes with campy moments and brutal fatality.

Highly recommend for fans of Grady Hendrix' Horrorstor and Kayli Scholz' Saint Grit.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all, I love the vintage cover and that the main character is credited as the main author. This story is told in a typical self help book style. I enjoyed the cleverness of the author and the dark humor. I love cosmic horror and this one really was a great, refreshing palate cleanser between some heavier fantasy books. This is a really unique and fun read! I will definitely check out this author again for future reads.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to BookSirens for providing a review copy.

I have been reading some really heavy books lately, so How to Kill Friends and Eviscerate People is an excellent palette cleanser. It's a very smart piece of satire, disguised as a self-help book with some very unorthodox methods for getting ahead in business. While I personally won't be taking any of the advice contained herein, perhaps it might be more your speed? 4.25 stars

[Tracy Torres · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book from Fright Reads Book Festival, the author described it as a work place self help horror comedy. The timing of the read was perfect. Work currently launched new computer system full of issues and it’s October. The book was short but enjoyable. I recommend you pick up a copy and “stop working and start killing”

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a fun read. Jenny takes advice to heart as she tries to climb the ladder at work. At times it read biographical, which made you question whether this was a "true" book.
Definitely made me happy as days at work can be so grim at times.

[Lisa Robbins · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an entertaining self-help style book about Jenny and how she gained powers to do away with her competition at work. There was a solid supernatural/horror element, but there was plenty of humor as Jenny tells the reader step by step how to get what you want and get rid of your enemies.

[Vincent · Rating 5 out of 5]

Devilishly funny and poignant for the current times. Tim's cutting and hilarious story telling make this a great read. I couldn't put it down. Jenny is memorizing. Highly recommend!

[Winter Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

The only self-help book I'll ever read. The advice is just that good.

[Jillian M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Original, fun, and funny

[K.M. Hogenson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly cathartic with spot on humor