Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age

by Ben Stuart, Mike Lenz (reader)

The vast majority of young people pass through the four key relational phases of singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage in their twenties, yet they are delaying marriage longer than any other generation. The average age an American woman has her first child is now younger than when she first marries. More children are growing up in fatherless homes. The CDC has reported a dramatic rise in sexually transmitted diseases. Studies show a similar trend in self-reported loneliness. As technological connectivity blocks the development of deep intimacy, addiction often replaces it. How can young people navigate these troubled waters? Like a sailor on turbulent seas, they need a North Star to guide they need the skill set to know how to journey through life and how to select the right people to journey alongside them. Charting a course through the four key relational phases they'll face, this book provides that navigational guidance, examining what should be pursued in each relational stage and how.

Genres: Christian, Relationships, Nonfiction, Faith, Self Help, Marriage, Christianity

Audio CD

First published January 1, 2017

About the author

Ben Stuart is the pastor of Passion City Church, Washington D.C. Prior to joining Passion City Church, Ben served for eleven years as the executive director of Breakaway Ministries, a weekly Bible study attended by thousands of college students on the campus of Texas A&M. Ben earned his master’s degree in historical theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. Ben and his wife, Donna, live to inspire and equip people to walk with God for a lifetime.

Reviews

[Leah Good · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was my first read on this subject since my mid-teens. As evidenced by Josh Harris recently pulling I Kissed Dating Goodbye out of print and releasing a documentary revisiting the opinions expressed in his book, conservative Christian mindset on romance has been on a roller coaster for the past decade or two. As a literal, rule-seeking teenager I sought a "relationship manual" in books like Harris's (though I never read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and used them to create a framework that--while not wrong--was legalistic. I'm not blaming books or their authors! Books are opinions, not scriptures. It's the reader's responsibility to read with discernment. Most of the well-meaning authors of these books wanted to share an alternative to the world's approach to dating and sexuality, not mandate universal statements on how a Christian ought to interact with the opposite gender. But that's what I and many other Christians did.

All of that to say, after realizing that my mental framework on the subject might be functional but was extra-biblical ... I stopped reading these books for a while. This one caught my attention because several of my friends read it and spoke highly of it. Reminding myself to find wisdom in a multitude of counselors (book authors in this case) without putting the advise on the same level as Scripture, I grabbed the title off Audible and started listening.

The author actually emphasizes the point I just made. He advises readers that the point of the book is to set forth principles, not rules. And it does just that. No matter what relationship stage you are in--Single, Dating, Married, or Engaged--this book encourages you to seek God's will where you're at, offers Biblically relevant questions to ask yourself to evaluate your current stage, and offers advise on preparing for the future. As the author says (I'm paraphrasing), "God doesn't promise you marriage but He does promise you Himself and that is enough."

Definitely recommend this book to anyone seeking encouragement and advice for the relationship stage they find themselves in.

[Mackenzie Lane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow wow.

This book (and Ben Stuart) will definitely call you to a higher place in your relationship, if you're in one, and was always, always inspired by the word of God. Ben pulled every bullet point from scripture, and I found that very refreshing.

I've got a lot of work to do in myself now if I want to better prepare my heart and mind for marriage, so be warned-you'll be called into change! He doesn't sacrifice truth, but wrote everything in a beautiful, perfect mixture of truth & love that never felt "preachy" or "holier-than-thou".

Would 100% recommend to everyone, no matter your current relationship status!

[Jackson Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

[5 Stars]

I have read other Dating/Relationship books, but Ben Stuart really drove in the nail in a completely different way. For example, roughly every other chapter, Ben uses a case study from Scripture to illustrate one of the four main seasons that he describes (single, dating, engaged, and married). These case studies alone are worth reading this book.

I recommend this book to anyone that wants to learn how to foster a Biblical relationship as Stuart provides invaluable evidence and shows how to be in relationship for the glory of God.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was so full of assumptions and stereotypes that it was hard to find practical and applicable points for my life. As a single, 30-year-old woman, I understand I probably wasn't the married male author's target audience. I also knew going in three-fourths of the book would be unhelpful at this point in my life. Still, I was hoping I could be encouraged in some ways. That was not the case.

I found his portion on singleness extremely frustrating. The underlining theme was the weak and outdated assumption that implies all single people have more time, money, and resources than all married people. His conclusion was that single people need to take the brunt of the work accomplishing God's kingdom work; because once they move on from their single stage, they "won't be able to do as much." That's just ignorant. No matter our romantic relationships (because everyone has relationships in their life) or lack of them, God is our primary relationship, and all believers need to spend their life in service to Him. Period. The single portion of the book was all about a challenge to live for God and redeem our time because life is short. Then there was a drastic shift for the dating, engaged, and married parts as he talked about "practical" steps to find the right person, marry the right person, and stay married, as if that is all that should be on their mind. There were a lot of built in cop outs for people in relationships and too much pressure on those who are single. There are plenty of single people who are busier than married people. Times are different for single people, maybe 100 years ago single men and women had nothing more they had to do than either serve the Lord or get married (but it can't both!), but that is not the case anymore.

The author even used a bizarre illustration to prove singles have more time. He wrote that he couldn't keep up on current TV shows as much as his single friends because they had more time for themselves. He said he would come home, and immediately, his wife would want to talk to him. Maybe if he came home to read the Bible like single men have time for, his wife wouldn't bother him. Or, maybe she would, but that would be an okay distraction?? He painted the illustration to show how singles again have more time, so they shouldn't waste it, but couldn't watching TV as a married man be a waste of time as well?


In addition to singles having more time, the author loved to use the word distracted for dating and married people--like it was a legitimate excuse for them to not be as involved in God's work. It made me think of the Jane Austen's character Lydia saying something to the effect that her single sisters would have nothing better to do but write to her because as a married woman she wouldn't have the time. It's funny, but not true.

I know that there are endless things to be distracted with, and it's hard for everyone to choose things worthwhile instead of succumbing to the allure of being a slouch. The author used an example of how, in previous centuries, churches segregated men and women so they wouldn't be distracted by each other and could fully listen to the preaching. He also said this was a good tactic... He went on to say that couples still get very distracted in church with each other, but singles have the ability to be more devoted to the sermon. Do I even need to elaborate on how comical and ignorant that is? There are plenty of people, relationships, hobbies, passions, etc. that can distract single people, and if singles don't get excuses, they are distracted, and neither do dating, engaged, or married people Furthermore, if you are so distracted by another person and "out of extra time" to serve the Lord when you get married, maybe you should stay single. Maybe that's what Paul meant when he said it is better to remain single. Because if we are to be honest, if being single is the absolute best stage to serve the Lord, and people are able to do so much in that time, and it is better for your ministry to stay single...then why are people still getting married? Maybe marriage is for the people who aren't easily distracted with a relationship... Anyway, three-fourths of the book was not about the "better thing."


There were many other strange and opinion based examples, like how a newly married man can't drop what he is doing and go on a missions trip because he doesn't have money or time, but a single man can because of his wealth, endless time, and lack of new bride. I know the author meant well, but I think it is time to move past lumping together and labeling everyone based on their relationship status and move towards talking to people as individuals with individual callings. Marriage isn't a calling, and neither is singlehood. Service to the Lord is our calling, and that does not change based on a relationship status. God will provide the money for anyone who is led to go on a mission trip. Circumstances are no excuse for single or married people, and neither is a lack of traditional resources. Since we are assuming, I think it would be safe to assume this argument is invalid because aren't dual income homes in GENERAL wealthier than single homes? And, "if" one of the members is not employed, doesn't that mean said person would have more TIME than when they were single? If his analogies were based on the leading of the Holy Spirit, then my argument is void, but that's not what this book was about.

I don't mean to be too harsh on the author, I don't know him personally at all. I also didn't disagree on everything he said. I just believe that it does more credit to people you are trying to minister to to encourage them as individuals in their walk with God. Circumstances, personalities, "callings," occupations, etc. are too diverse to create stock advice. One size doesn't fit all here.

I would've liked to see a book that encouraged people to navigate life and love as individuals who follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord in each of those stages. No matter what phase of life (it's good to note here that there are life phases that aren't even listed in the title) we are in, there are always distractions, always people who need our love, always time to serve the Lord, and always the expectation that as a Christian our life is for God first and always.

[Luke · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is close to 4 stars but I felt that the earlier chapters of this book dealing with the single and dating were targeting a younger audience. Sometimes it had the tone of a youth pastor speaking with his senior high young people. I thought that this tone improved as the subsequent phases were addressed. I also felt like there was some padding that didn't contribute to the argument.

Generally, it seems that as with many things, our culture runs to the extremes. There are some that will not talk to a person of the opposite sex for fear of being seen as "courting" or who make a heart commitment far too early in a relationship. And this early commitment comes long before the couple can sustain it, or even prepared to address marriage. Stuart suggests that dating shouldn't last longer than six months and that discussion of marriage and life together prior to that point is inappropriate. If someone isn't in a position to be married in six months then they shouldn't be dating. His point is that talk of marriage when marriage is impossible leads to many problems. We certainly should stop and ask--"whoever thought dating in junior high was a good idea?"

On the other extreme, we live in a culture where nobody wants to make commitment. Where men and women hookup and have casual sex while having no intention of a relationship. While society wants to contend this has no adverse effects, it is especially clear spiritually that this is not the case.

Stuarts basic argument is that dating is a good thing. It is a process rather than a status. It should serve to determine if two individuals are compatible for marriage. Relationships would do well to start out as friends, and to remain as friends until life circumstances permit a relationship to develop beyond that point. Individuals should guard against giving themselves to another too quickly. Time apart is not a bad thing, it will reveal what the relationship is really made of. Clarity is vital, so too autonomy, and honesty. While these seem like obvious points, they demand godly character from both individuals. A couple should work through problems, and have disagreements. Those who have the mutual desire to work though those problems and disagreements have affirmation that the relationship has true potential.

In every step of the process God must reign supreme. Perhaps no other time of life has the potential for greater good or greater harm. Stuart concludes:

"Seeking God first is like locating the North Star. Without him, the skies go dark. When human beings severed ties with God in Genesis 3, you see in the following chapters of Genesis where young men die and women get exploited sexually. This has been the case throughout history." p 241

A good book, worth reading, but there are others that are better.

[Olivia Bedenbaugh]

I get why Anne Michal likes this book! It’s good! Also it’s written by an Aggie!

[Maryellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always thought this book was overhyped, but I finally read it and I realize it was worth the hype.
Also Gig ‘em Aggies 👍🏻

[Shawn Enright · Rating 1 out of 5]

Im less interested in leveling a serious literary critique of this book (though it certainly deserves one) and more interested in speculating on how authors like Stuart interact with the bible, which is the catalyst for a book like this.

This sort of book arises out of a very particular, common reading of scripture -- one that understands scripture as almost always prescriptive rather than descriptive. That binary is a bit unfair, but it's largely true, I think. Take any character or story in the bible, then offer that literalist reading as the appropriate method of living and thinking in the present age. What does God think about sex and how we should participate in it? Find anyone in the bible who had sex or thought about sex, then take their story at face value. End of discussion.

For example, Stuart offers the two lovers in Song of Songs as *literal* models for romance. We usually don't ask poetry (which Song of Songs is) to give us our explicit codes for living, because we understand poetry to be signifying something beyond itself -- something less immediate yet more essential than just the text. Not for Stuart, or for the Desiring God crowd he's a part of. Like, take Song of Songs 1:4: "Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers." To Stuart, that text means husbands should have a home ready for their wives, a "chamber to hurry her to." Or verse 9: "I liken you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariot horses." To Stuart, that text means that women need taming, or some lame exegesis like that.

That is just a really weird way to read scripture.

Here is my greatest critique, though: Stuart is not concerned with inspiring a faithful act of imagination (to borrow from Brueggemann) regarding love, sex, marriage, singleness, etc. When you take all scripture as literally prescriptive, you end up--like Stuart does--upholding patriarchal and sexist model of marriage and intimacy. This book has its merits, of course, but I just find it a more interesting case study on evangelical reformed ways of understanding the world, which are, for the most part, kinda lame.

Also (?) it has a surprising lack of Jesus. Irrelevant working thesis: reformed folks like Paul more than Jesus.

[Danny Bennett · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was disappointed with his chapter on singleness. He should have spent more time and length in describing God's design and purpose for singleness. Undivided devotion is only half the purpose. The next three chapters were stating the obvious and lacked theological depth. Even though he'd probably deny it, I felt the book overall placed singleness as second class. Singleness and marriage are equal in status and God's ability to utilize for His glory. There are better books about singleness and the other three for that matter.

[Alexandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ This book takes a practical approach to understanding the seasons of singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage. It feels like it was written for the single desiring marriage. I would’ve loved to read about what considerations or unique opportunities for grace for the dating individual who has been in the evaluation period before. Though, I did love Ben Stuart’s point that dating is an evaluation period. He also challenged my thoughts on what goes into an evaluation period and knowing when the evaluation has run its course. Similarly, Stuart does a great job of laying down what the core intention of engagement and marriage is. I appreciated the case studies in each section. There were lots of anecdotal lessons used to build on the understanding of Scripture that sometimes detracted from my experience (specifically, when he explained his unique pursuit of his wife Donna). I wish there were more citations to explain some of the claims and studies he mentioned. All in all, I am walking away with some good thoughts and some practical applications for the different seasons!

[Tanner Bond · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off want to say that the new Spotify update that gives you 15 hours of free audiobooks is awesome.

I think this book was probably above average but didn’t excite me. I like how it had sections for all stages of life and he did a good job on touching of the importance of each section. Some of it was definitely not crazy applicable seeing that I’m only in the single stage but I think there are a lot of wise words that I can take from the other sections.

I think it’s only a three star because it’s not a Christian book that I think is super theologically deep or spurs you towards Christ super well. Just kind of there as a good reference which is fine. Def worth a read just don’t expect a life changing experience.

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ben Stuart’s book was succinct and to the point to narrate life single, dating, engaged, and married as a Christian. While Stuart does detail these specific seasons in life well, the language he uses is stereotypically gendered and childish (that you wouldn’t know he did college ministry). I appreciate his sentiments, but his theology does not seem robust, nor does it add to the conversation about life in romantic (non-platonic) relationships. This book is a great starting point for new believers on relationships, but I would not suggest this to any other group of people.

[Abby Voss · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly had low expectations, but this was fantastic.

[B Hatfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

s/d/e/m
- pride- the insistence to live life on your own terms so that no one can threaten your freedom of expression
- unsure how to navigate the increasingly tempestuous sea of life and love
- admit your need for a guide

- your romantic relationship isn't the one God is most concerned with
- when you know you are beloved, it is easy to love others
- when you have an inexhaustible resource of love, it is easy to be a source of love for others
- love embraced becomes love extended
- our affection burns off the fuel of truth
- you do not get better than God SENDING his son
- Jesus left Heaven, relinquished all comforts, lived the life of a poor man, and then died to SACRIFICE
- his very spirit has made a home in us to STAY

- singleness- to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord
- God wants to champion something in you - bc I was in a season where it wasn't tangible and I didn't really want it. now I want it and I'm being told no
- don't miss the benefits of now because you're fixated on the benefits of then
- don't let the ache for companionship steal all the joy of your present single stage- LET NOT OUR LONGING SLAY OUR APPETITE FOR LIVING
- "The unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit"
- i can't be distracted! these unmarried moments of your life are to be spent in passionate pursuit of your Maker
- maximize the freedom and time you have!!
- the God who has given you singleness will give you the grace to endure it
- he refused to nurse bitterness
- It will only help the future health of your marriage if you go through whatever journey you must now to forgive those who have hurt you in your past
- your spouse is sure to wound you
- maximize your view of God... God has forgiven max for the way he's carelessly or unintentionally hurt me
- continue to walk through your season of singleness trusting your heart, mind, relationships, plans, and circumstances to the Lord... commit your way to Him and then rest

- we long to connect, we want to love and we want to be loved JO AND MARMEE SCENE FROM LW
- dating is not about chasing a person whose eyes we can find a sense of meaning and fulfillment
- we are looking for a person to love not a product to consume , that is not honoring the image of God in the other
- looking for a companion to run with, encourage, challenge, shape each other... will have to adapt, change, and sacrifice
- so if you would not like someone to hold you to an impossible standard, then you must not do it to somebody else either... IDOL
- character before God and chemistry with us
- the motivation you want to see is that they desire to please the Lord - you want to date someone who is submitted to the Lord's will
- I want to benefit from their wisdom and peace of their integrity
- you may need to watch their life for a while to discern their character- you want someone who is actively pursuing the Lord!
- an internal drive toward love and holiness bc that mate will continue to look more like Jesus and manifest his qualities through life - WHETHER I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL OR NOT, WHETHER I PROVIDE INCENTIVE OR NOT
- bc what will happen to you and him in those seasons where you don't have much to offer? anchor in Jesus
- 1) date prayerfully
- resting in the sovereign love of God takes the desperation out of dating
- literally having faith
- do you trust God in your dating? he is not only strong enough to guide your story, he is compassionate enough to want to take your fears from you
- 2) clarity
- 3) autonomy
- you are brother and sister in Christ or husband and wife
- 1 Timothy 5
- date to evaluate and evaluate as quickly as possible
- 4) purity
- all the physical coupling and uncoupling is harder on us than the discipline of learning restraint
- 5) graciously
- "What would I want a guy to do if he had a chance to date my sister?"... I would want him to treat her in a way that, regardless of whether or not their dating ended in marriage, she would be a better person and more like Christ as a result of his influence.
- "I am a better person for having spent time in proximity to that man"
- 6) community
- 7) patiently
- don't rush! see how they treat people they aren't dating, watch long enough to see when things don't go their way
- will this happen for you? I don't know. But I do know that God is a good shepherd, and he will take care of us.
- Psalm 118:8-9 "it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man."
- sex is the mingling of personhoods
- if you are pursuing a man of character, a man who is gentle with you and caring, a man who listens to you, and who promises to love you in sickness/health till death do us part, a man who will lay down his life for you... all of that character will translate to the bedroom
- i desire to be responsive, tender, patient, and encouraging
- have community - James 5:16"
- the God who leads us will also provide for us! don't be a believer who doesn't believe God will care for you!
- Godly women are willing to work hard! Proverbs 31
- Ladies- Be gracious
- Proverbs 11:16 is more prettier than outward appearance
- Men- same thing
- Proverbs 19:22 "what is desirable in a man is his kindness"
- 1 Peter 5:7 cast all our anxiety upon him because he cares for you - invite God into the process by praying about it!
- FIND SOMEONE WHOSE CHARACTER MAKES YOU WANT TO FALL ON YOUR KNEES AND THANK GOD

- love and death are alike in their strength
- both people having the resolve to stick around and want it to work when it's hard
- in a disagreement, focus on their actions and your feelings, not assuming their motive
- in engagement, your single life is passing away and a new united life is emerging
- trust that the Lord who designed marriage knows how to best enter into it
- talk about the marriage not just the wedding!
- How do we want to do the holidays?
- Will we see all our in-laws each holiday, or work a
- rotation system?
- What holiday traditions do we want to bring into our
- marriage?
- What new traditions do we want to create?
- How do we want to do vacations?
- Where are some places you have always wanted to go?
- How many kids do you want to have? How soon?
- How are we going to budget our time each week?
- Will we have a date night?
- How will we plan our budget and make financial decisions? When? How frequently?
- What are some ministry dreams you have?
- How can we make those happen?
- How will we cultivate a devotional life together?
- How will we handle car maintenance?
- What about house cleaning and yard work?
- gentlemen, don't come running if you do not possess the maturity and stability to care for her. there is a delicacy to the hearts of women
- men be gentle, ladies be discerning

- freedom is the ability to fulfill created intent
- "a helper suitable for him"
- man is meant to be a conduit of love and grace flowing into other me relationships not just receiving God's love
- the love of a wife for her husband communicates to the world how the people of God respond to Jesus:
- submission does not = subjugation
- recognize and respond to a husband's leadership
- recognizing organization of how God created marriage to work... recognizing God has placed the burden of responsibility upon a mam to guide and care for his wife
- submission does not mean women never initiate , read proverbs 31! but we want to marry a man who feels the responsibility UNDER GOD to initiate on behalf of his wife and children!
- we have a fear to submit to BAD leadership!
- pick the right man! good leadership is a gift if chosen right, bc once you're married, your relationship with God is now forever bonded up with this man
- "wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord"
- motivation - submit to him as a function of your submission to the Lord
- comparison - we submit to our husband in the same way you do to the Lord.. this man has a voice in all the areas of your life - let that weight settle on you!!!
- celebrate positives and initiatives

- the love of a husband for his wife displays to the world the love Christ has for his church
- what kind of man is worthy of a woman's love
- "love your wives" in agape love = continuous action "as Christ loved the church, he gave himself up for her"
- a husband is to initiate and sacrifice so his wife might flourish under God
- don't fall out of trying! men need to still date their wives
- be a student of her needs!
- sacrifice to provide the structure necessary for her to flourish as a woman made in the image of God
- servanthood!
- our marriages are a picture of christs love for the church and a pursuit of Christ's purposes on earth
- a picture of what commitment to a loving God looks like


submit your singleness, sexuality, spouse, and soul to the Lord Jesus Christ

[Katherine Wathen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Uncomplicated the complicated aspects of modern dating, especially as a Christian. Solid, biblical advice backed with research and ministry experience- Single, Dating, Engaged, Married helped me see the value of singleness and better trust God with my dating life. (2020 Review)

Reading this book a second time around, focusing on the engagement and marriage chapters, made me so excited for the life I’m about to build with Chad that will represent Christs love for the church. (2022 Review)

[Hannah · Rating 1 out of 5]

The minuscule amount of truth in this book drowns in immature theology.

[Emma Pickens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book not only on marriage but on all the stages!! And just how much we should appreciate each stage. Single the rest of your life?? Great, there is joy to be found. Married to the love of your life? Great, there is joy to be found. There is so many similarities in guidance from both this and the meaning of marriage because both books spoke through truth and love! Will definitely go back and reread this once I go through different chapters of life. Highly recommend to anyone.

[Emma Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

a book I wish I read much earlier and a book we should all read as we navigate God’s kind purpose in our desire for relationships. He is a GOOD guide to us and desires ONLY the best for us bc HE demonstrated the best for us and for the people watching us. The book is wise, rooted in scripture, funny, encouraging, and practical. I would read again for the Biblical case studies alone. Read it and read all of it- no matter what stage you’re in.

[Azelia Lau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy crap I gobbled this thing up.

Ben has this way of writing that feels very real and grounded. I could feel his soul, the type of sensitive and deep person he was with his writing. Ben is unique from other Christian authors that talk about marriage because he details steps very practically. Not in a way that is an instruction manual, but rather gives structure to abstract concepts. I appreciated how he didn’t add any fluff, how every word propelled you to the next, each sentence infused with wisdom and meaning that somehow made you want to stop and contemplate but hungry for more at the same time.

This book has not only expanded my mind, but my heart. Some books just instill in you an awe of the author and the way they perceive the world. Perhaps appreciation or greater understanding about a different way to see it. But this book inspired in me the awe of God. A deeper purpose for my own life. Somehow I feel renewed, and stimulated when I truly didn’t expect to learn anything new. This book is the fertilizer for a willing servant, and it’s something I can see myself reading again and again. This is it. The mystery of marriage unraveled a little bit more, to the point that one can begin to fathom how amazing the mystery is.

[Brian Soderberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first, I was reading this with mild enthusiasm because I had already heard most of Ben Stuart's talking points. But as I kept reading, I ventured into uncharted territory and found myself surprisingly and delightfully encouraged. Very digestible, readily applicable, and thought provoking. Also, it made me laugh out loud a few times. This spoke to a lot of thought processes that I am currently working through, so, great timing! Praise God. I recommend.

[Chloe Grimm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kicking myself for waiting so long to read this one—it should be a requirement for everyone to read.

[Levi Teichrib · Rating 5 out of 5]

Das Buch ist so gut, ich würd es sogar nochmal lesen.
Ein leicht geschriebenes Buch mit Fakten, biblischem Zusammenhang und eigenen Erfahrungen des Autors.

[Sarah Stout · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I’m honest here, I didn’t really expect to love this book. I thought it was going to be just another Christian dating book that only focuses on not having sex and submitting to your husband. Thankfully I was wrong. It was such an amazing book and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone, especially those in the single, dating, or engaged phases. The way that Ben explains these stages, what they are for, and the amazing things we can get out of them was so insightful and very helpful. He provided logical ways to evaluate in each of the different stages and how to take on each stage in a proactive way. Such an amazing read!

[Megan Metz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stellar insight and wisdom, equally emphasizing that the importance of every stage of christian relationships is to glorify Christ!

[Sarah Rider · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is practical and pointed with regards to all stages of relationships. I appreciated how Ben Stuart's theology and philosophy are very biblically oriented, richly drawing on the Wisdom books and case studies of biblical characters for each season. Clear, engaging, & statistically backed evaluation techniques and principles. I would recommend this book to any of my Christian friends, regardless of denomination. It affirmed things I had already worked out with the Lord, as well as affirmed leadership I have experienced in relationship, as well as providing wisdom for navigating places where the Lord convicts and corrects. I highly recommend reading this with your relationship partner as I did. It provided fantastic foundations for conversations that are all necessary to successful communication and connection. I want so many of my friends to thoughtfully read this book as I think it addresses almost every topically pertinent part of modern love.

[Melisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the structure of this book as it goes through the different stages of a relationship. It is most certainly written for a singles and for those pursuing marriage. I would not really recommend it to anyone already married. The pace of the first half of the book is too slow for me, and the first couple of chapters seemed to drag on, they had good truth; but at least for me, not much of the information was new.

Personally, the book took off in the engaged and married sections (even though I am neither at this time). I think this is because the book is written more for couples trying to assess if marriage is the right thing for them (given that the book tells the perspective of what should happen and what you should be shooting for in each of the stages - so really it gives you a lot of food for thought, especially if reading as a couple).

All things considered, I really enjoyed the examples the author used to illustrate each stage of the relationship. He uses Biblical examples to show how the stage in your relationship can still glorify God in every way. I especially loved the analysis on the lives an ministry of Priscilla and Aquila, I've never really stopped to analyze these two persons in detail, that was quite a great experience.

So, I say, if you're single, go ahead and read the whole book it will be good for you! For those engaged or thinking about it, also go ahead and read it - you guys will probably enjoy it the most. And for those who are already married, borrow the book from someone and read the last two chapters (the two on marriage) which are really good - they're my personal favorites.

Also, I really enjoyed that he mostly quotes his Bible verses from the NASB version, haha! Now that's not something you find a lot in literature! I'm obviously partial to this version, haha!

[Rick Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

More religious moralizing masquerading as dating advice. “If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus how could you ever have a relationship with your partner?”

Well, first of all Jesus is dead. You might have missed that. I’d prefer not to base my dating life around a fantasy character that people have invented in order to control large populations. Also, I guess the billions of people that don’t agree with your interpretation of some book should just give up.

I can’t help but see this as an incredibly predatory acquisition strategy for religion.

“Experiencing the normal insecurities and difficulties around dating?

Well, the answer is to join our cult. Please pay at the door.”

[Zane Feemster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Stuart explains so well God's purpose for believers in each of the relationship stages in life: Singleness for devotion, dating for evaluation, engaged for unification and married for mission. Practical and biblical, a book I will reference over and over in pursuing a God-honoring life. Recommend highly for any age or stage one falls under.

[Roxy · Rating 1 out of 5]

yeah not vibing with the very old fashioned view if marriage saying women will have to wash dishes and men will have to listen to their nagging wife quite basically. i think i made it to chapter 2 and was so disappointed so this is going to my dnf 🥱🥱🥱🥱

[Francesca Eller]

Had high hopes for this book but honestly I felt it was all pretty surface level. Definitely highlighted, and took some parts from it, but it really is only applicable to whichever season of life you are in.