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To Wield The Darkest Night
Every night, I see that man—that lovely stranger—in my dreams.
So strong, mysterious, gentle… but a stranger all the same.
Until one day he shows up at my doorstep, and promises me adventure…
As a closeted trans man and apothecary to a small town, Sol is numbed by his uneventful life. Stifled by his neighbors' expectations, he only finds comfort in his sleep, where he is haunted by visions of a mysterious lover: a man too perfect to be real, yet too vivid to be a dream…
At first, Sol makes nothing of these strange nighttime apparitions—until the lover from his visions, Yohan, walks into his potion shop years later asking for him personally.
Tall, darkly mysterious and handsome, Yohan is a knight cursed by forbidden magic whose King has fallen ill. And Sol just happens to be one of the rare people able to craft a cure.
Now, Sol finds himself with the perfect excuse to leave his small town behind, and just the perfect man to do it with.
A sensual tale of self-discovery following a trans man MC and his gay lover in a darkly supernatural yet cozy romantasy world.
So strong, mysterious, gentle… but a stranger all the same.
Until one day he shows up at my doorstep, and promises me adventure…
As a closeted trans man and apothecary to a small town, Sol is numbed by his uneventful life. Stifled by his neighbors' expectations, he only finds comfort in his sleep, where he is haunted by visions of a mysterious lover: a man too perfect to be real, yet too vivid to be a dream…
At first, Sol makes nothing of these strange nighttime apparitions—until the lover from his visions, Yohan, walks into his potion shop years later asking for him personally.
Tall, darkly mysterious and handsome, Yohan is a knight cursed by forbidden magic whose King has fallen ill. And Sol just happens to be one of the rare people able to craft a cure.
Now, Sol finds himself with the perfect excuse to leave his small town behind, and just the perfect man to do it with.
A sensual tale of self-discovery following a trans man MC and his gay lover in a darkly supernatural yet cozy romantasy world.
307 pages, Unknown Binding
First published October 31, 2024
66 people are currently reading
1459 people want to read
About the author
Beau Van Dalen
35 books341 followersBeau Van Dalen is a best-selling author of adult speculative fiction. Wattpad Stars Alumnus and Winner of Tapas Media’s 2018 Summer Writing Competition—Beau’s stories have amassed over two million reads online. Whether it be through books, poetry, comics or games, Beau is always enchanting words and creating worlds; he is currently on a journey to write one-hundred novels.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 101 reviews
November 18, 2024
Sigh… this just wasn’t good. I picked this up because I was excited to read a fantasy romance about a trans main character. The one thing I liked about this book was Sol’s journey with his trans identity and gradually learning to become more comfortable in his own skin. I only wish this had been enough to redeem the book for me, but it really wasn’t. Let’s dive into why.
My first and biggest issue with the book is that it felt extremely empty and shallow in many ways. We have Sol and his love interest, Yohan, traveling around and falling in love. That’s pretty much the entire book. That, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a problem, but the world feels empty other than the two main characters. The kingdom and cities they spend time in don’t have names. Nothing about the world is explained. Literally nothing. There are cursed knights, like Yohan, who have powers related to darkness and death, and some other people also have magic, I guess? Sol has elven ancestry, but it’s never explained whether elves live among humans or elsewhere. There are approximately 5 characters with a name, two of whom are our main characters, and the other three each have one meaningful conversation on-page with Sol and are otherwise pretty much useless. I didn’t feel like I got to know Sol or Yohan well enough to root for their relationship either. Other than that, there’s very little going on in this world. Like yes, this book is a romance book, but it’s also a fantasy book. At least try to make it feel a little real.
Other than that, I was mostly bothered by the writing style and editing of the book. It’s an absolute mess. I’m willing to overlook some occasional mistakes in self-published books, but there were a large number of glaring mistakes in this book. There are typos, grammatical mistakes, and punctuation errors all over the place, as well as a lot of sentences that are structured so awkwardly, that they hardly make sense. There’s italicization that starts or ends in the middle of words and there are no chapters, which means the book just flows from one scene into the next with little to no structure. This was only made worse by the many incredibly awkward scene transitions. Finally, there is so much repetition. So. Much. Repetition. The MC and LI call each other “my heart” or “my love” over 100 times. There are similar issues with the words “beloved” and the phrase “I love you.” We get it, you love each other. You don’t have to tell me hundreds of times.
I also have several other issues, like how Yohan is described with pale skin in the book, even though he’s portrayed with tan/brown skin on the book’s cover. Then—this one is more about a personal preference of mine—there’s also the fact that the name of Sol’s rapist (yes, this book deals extensively with rape trauma) is redacted, but his deadname is used on-page multiple times. I think it would’ve been fitting to do the same with his deadname, but ultimately this is a personal preference of mine, and this decision is, of course, up to the author.
I haven’t even mentioned the romance yet, really, but I think I’ve complained enough in this review (TL; DR there was too much sex and not enough actually getting to know each other emotionally). Maybe readers who like insta-love and don’t mind romances taking place in shallow fantasy worlds could enjoy this? One thing is for sure, though: I didn’t!
Content warnings as they appear in the book: mature scenes, general violence, drug use, transphobia, deadnaming/misgendering, gender dysphoria, PTSD, SA (flashback), sexual trauma, risky sexual behavior, birth control, death of minor characters, grief, AFAB language used for a trans man in sex scenes, and mentions of execution, human trafficking, pregnancy, and infidelity
My first and biggest issue with the book is that it felt extremely empty and shallow in many ways. We have Sol and his love interest, Yohan, traveling around and falling in love. That’s pretty much the entire book. That, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a problem, but the world feels empty other than the two main characters. The kingdom and cities they spend time in don’t have names. Nothing about the world is explained. Literally nothing. There are cursed knights, like Yohan, who have powers related to darkness and death, and some other people also have magic, I guess? Sol has elven ancestry, but it’s never explained whether elves live among humans or elsewhere. There are approximately 5 characters with a name, two of whom are our main characters, and the other three each have one meaningful conversation on-page with Sol and are otherwise pretty much useless. I didn’t feel like I got to know Sol or Yohan well enough to root for their relationship either. Other than that, there’s very little going on in this world. Like yes, this book is a romance book, but it’s also a fantasy book. At least try to make it feel a little real.
Other than that, I was mostly bothered by the writing style and editing of the book. It’s an absolute mess. I’m willing to overlook some occasional mistakes in self-published books, but there were a large number of glaring mistakes in this book. There are typos, grammatical mistakes, and punctuation errors all over the place, as well as a lot of sentences that are structured so awkwardly, that they hardly make sense. There’s italicization that starts or ends in the middle of words and there are no chapters, which means the book just flows from one scene into the next with little to no structure. This was only made worse by the many incredibly awkward scene transitions. Finally, there is so much repetition. So. Much. Repetition. The MC and LI call each other “my heart” or “my love” over 100 times. There are similar issues with the words “beloved” and the phrase “I love you.” We get it, you love each other. You don’t have to tell me hundreds of times.
I also have several other issues, like how Yohan is described with pale skin in the book, even though he’s portrayed with tan/brown skin on the book’s cover. Then—this one is more about a personal preference of mine—there’s also the fact that the name of Sol’s rapist (yes, this book deals extensively with rape trauma) is redacted, but his deadname is used on-page multiple times. I think it would’ve been fitting to do the same with his deadname, but ultimately this is a personal preference of mine, and this decision is, of course, up to the author.
I haven’t even mentioned the romance yet, really, but I think I’ve complained enough in this review (TL; DR there was too much sex and not enough actually getting to know each other emotionally). Maybe readers who like insta-love and don’t mind romances taking place in shallow fantasy worlds could enjoy this? One thing is for sure, though: I didn’t!
Content warnings as they appear in the book: mature scenes, general violence, drug use, transphobia, deadnaming/misgendering, gender dysphoria, PTSD, SA (flashback), sexual trauma, risky sexual behavior, birth control, death of minor characters, grief, AFAB language used for a trans man in sex scenes, and mentions of execution, human trafficking, pregnancy, and infidelity
October 27, 2024
✨ARC REVIEW✨
Trans joy and acceptance get immediate 5 stars. Cosy, sweet and beautiful. Sol becomes his most shinning self thanks to the love and support of the knight of his dreams, Yohan. The book is basically them traveling, having tea and delicious food, working for the king, enjoying nature and fucking like true vers bunnies, all the while helping Sol overcome his trauma.
If you want to enjoy happy trans people living their best life, this is your book. There's no magical transition just Yohan accepting Sol as he is and Sol being his sweet cute self (well, there's this magic d*ck, store bought... I want one).
Trans joy and acceptance get immediate 5 stars. Cosy, sweet and beautiful. Sol becomes his most shinning self thanks to the love and support of the knight of his dreams, Yohan. The book is basically them traveling, having tea and delicious food, working for the king, enjoying nature and fucking like true vers bunnies, all the while helping Sol overcome his trauma.
If you want to enjoy happy trans people living their best life, this is your book. There's no magical transition just Yohan accepting Sol as he is and Sol being his sweet cute self (well, there's this magic d*ck, store bought... I want one).
October 23, 2024
I received this ARC in a giveaway, this is an unbiased review that I posted of my own free will (idk how people disclaim these things!)
I would rate this a 3, maybe 3.5 out of 5.
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The characters are sweet and I like the premise, but it took me SO LONG to finish because as much as I tried to enjoy it all the way though, I got a bit bored?
At some point, the book felt like it just fell into the same pattern of "something triggers/upsets someone (usually Sol), the other man comforts them, and they exchange deep words reassuring each other that they're enough, they're loved, they're perfect, etc."
It just became predictable and a little tedious to read when almost every other interaction ends with a page or two of the same reassurances.
I would like to say, as a trans reader, I understand wanting to read something that is comforting and says things you'd maybe like to hear about yourself. I enjoyed the beginning a lot more when the sentiment and insecurities were fresh, and I liked some of the quotes in the book (like "I worry the relationship I have with my body will affect the relationship I could have with you").
Sol's insecurities and fears made sense, but I didn't like how there was very little growth from them. It just felt like Sol needed to be tiptoed around for the entire time, including where it left off at the end.
I didn't really like that there was no big.... Thing? Climax? The story felt a little bland (not in terms of smut frequency, there's like 10 smut scenes, I counted lol) because it was just... "Fetch the apothecary, fix the Dude, confess your feelings, go back home and have a little life together (that we don't even get to see because the book ends!)".
No big fights or problems (I appreciated the little bandit moments), no tea shop, no finally becoming stronger than the memory of ----, I just felt like the book was missing that grasp, that excitement.
I grappled with whether I wanted to finish the book but stuck it out because I enjoyed the characters and wanted to know what the big CONFLICT was.
I liked that the bedroom dynamics switched up a little towards the end, and I like that they find comfort in each other.
So while I think that this is a sweet little comfy read, it left me wanting more excitement and development from both of the characters. I enjoyed the premise and the characters, I just wasn't excited to read by the end because it just felt a bit repetitive?
I would rate this a 3, maybe 3.5 out of 5.
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The characters are sweet and I like the premise, but it took me SO LONG to finish because as much as I tried to enjoy it all the way though, I got a bit bored?
At some point, the book felt like it just fell into the same pattern of "something triggers/upsets someone (usually Sol), the other man comforts them, and they exchange deep words reassuring each other that they're enough, they're loved, they're perfect, etc."
It just became predictable and a little tedious to read when almost every other interaction ends with a page or two of the same reassurances.
I would like to say, as a trans reader, I understand wanting to read something that is comforting and says things you'd maybe like to hear about yourself. I enjoyed the beginning a lot more when the sentiment and insecurities were fresh, and I liked some of the quotes in the book (like "I worry the relationship I have with my body will affect the relationship I could have with you").
Sol's insecurities and fears made sense, but I didn't like how there was very little growth from them. It just felt like Sol needed to be tiptoed around for the entire time, including where it left off at the end.
I didn't really like that there was no big.... Thing? Climax? The story felt a little bland (not in terms of smut frequency, there's like 10 smut scenes, I counted lol) because it was just... "Fetch the apothecary, fix the Dude, confess your feelings, go back home and have a little life together (that we don't even get to see because the book ends!)".
No big fights or problems (I appreciated the little bandit moments), no tea shop, no finally becoming stronger than the memory of ----, I just felt like the book was missing that grasp, that excitement.
I grappled with whether I wanted to finish the book but stuck it out because I enjoyed the characters and wanted to know what the big CONFLICT was.
I liked that the bedroom dynamics switched up a little towards the end, and I like that they find comfort in each other.
So while I think that this is a sweet little comfy read, it left me wanting more excitement and development from both of the characters. I enjoyed the premise and the characters, I just wasn't excited to read by the end because it just felt a bit repetitive?
March 17, 2025
Se me olvidó actualizar que ya había terminado esto, porque es tan aburrido que se me desapareció del radar.
dnf
November 30, 2024DNF 36%
So this book has ZERO worldbuilding and that comboed with the diffusion of the sex tension into instalove at this point, I am going to bow out. It really feels like a chapter is missing from the beginning of the book. Why is Sol being selected to help the King? How did they know about them? Why are they not going directly there? Why are they looking for herbs? It seems like they already know the potion needed but we the readers don't know why the king is sick or what the potion is. It is actually making me anxious because I don't know why things are happening and this isn't a thriller or mystery where things are kept from the reader.
The romance too while at first was great. There was real palpable tension, but like I predicted in the update, it didn't hold out for long. A third of the way through and they are calling each other pet names and talking about love and settling down together. Could be ok in some books, but in this one it just reads as over-the-top affectation.
I am just really sad because this should have been a book made for me.
So this book has ZERO worldbuilding and that comboed with the diffusion of the sex tension into instalove at this point, I am going to bow out. It really feels like a chapter is missing from the beginning of the book. Why is Sol being selected to help the King? How did they know about them? Why are they not going directly there? Why are they looking for herbs? It seems like they already know the potion needed but we the readers don't know why the king is sick or what the potion is. It is actually making me anxious because I don't know why things are happening and this isn't a thriller or mystery where things are kept from the reader.
The romance too while at first was great. There was real palpable tension, but like I predicted in the update, it didn't hold out for long. A third of the way through and they are calling each other pet names and talking about love and settling down together. Could be ok in some books, but in this one it just reads as over-the-top affectation.
I am just really sad because this should have been a book made for me.
January 17, 2025
3 stars
Loved the concept but felt like it dragged on, this would have been better as a novella. Definitely enjoyed this writing more than Beau's previous work but it still had repetition and pacing issues.
Anyways on my end, I've got to stop reading books with insta love! Regardless of the overall premise, that trope just kills it for me.
Loved the concept but felt like it dragged on, this would have been better as a novella. Definitely enjoyed this writing more than Beau's previous work but it still had repetition and pacing issues.
Anyways on my end, I've got to stop reading books with insta love! Regardless of the overall premise, that trope just kills it for me.
October 8, 2025
1.5 stars out of 5
Oh boy, I don't want to be mean, since the premise of this book was just so promising and the earnestness of the story was conveyed well to me, but this book needed EDITING. Several rounds of it.
The fantasy world in which To Wield the Darkest Night is so underdeveloped that I felt at times I was supposed to know things about the world that were just not possible. Sol is looking for a plant to heal a king, but that plant is never named. There are crucial world building moments that are skipped over in favor of sex scenes, which is all well and good, but when it continued to happen, I just started to get annoyed. Places Yohan and Sol go to are not named, conversations with new characters happen off screen, the magic system is never explained, and the pet names got old very quickly. I understand that these two were destined to be together, but it's okay to call your significant other by their first name every once and awhile. Also, Yohan and Sol needed to do a lot more getting to know each other. The insta-love trope was so strong in this book, I'm surprised they did not make out the moment they met each other.
All in all, do I think there should be more trans representation in literature. Yes. Van Dalen is clearly passionate about writing, and more trans representation, and I will give them all the props in the world for that. Honestly, the only okay part of this book was Sol blossoming into who they were meant to be. However, someone really needed to take a critical lens to this book, because there is promise in the idea, it was just the execution that didn't stick the landing. If there are people who enjoy the insta-love trope, and aren't too hung up on the lack of plot/world building, you may enjoy this book, but this was, sadly, not for me.
Oh boy, I don't want to be mean, since the premise of this book was just so promising and the earnestness of the story was conveyed well to me, but this book needed EDITING. Several rounds of it.
The fantasy world in which To Wield the Darkest Night is so underdeveloped that I felt at times I was supposed to know things about the world that were just not possible. Sol is looking for a plant to heal a king, but that plant is never named. There are crucial world building moments that are skipped over in favor of sex scenes, which is all well and good, but when it continued to happen, I just started to get annoyed. Places Yohan and Sol go to are not named, conversations with new characters happen off screen, the magic system is never explained, and the pet names got old very quickly. I understand that these two were destined to be together, but it's okay to call your significant other by their first name every once and awhile. Also, Yohan and Sol needed to do a lot more getting to know each other. The insta-love trope was so strong in this book, I'm surprised they did not make out the moment they met each other.
All in all, do I think there should be more trans representation in literature. Yes. Van Dalen is clearly passionate about writing, and more trans representation, and I will give them all the props in the world for that. Honestly, the only okay part of this book was Sol blossoming into who they were meant to be. However, someone really needed to take a critical lens to this book, because there is promise in the idea, it was just the execution that didn't stick the landing. If there are people who enjoy the insta-love trope, and aren't too hung up on the lack of plot/world building, you may enjoy this book, but this was, sadly, not for me.
October 25, 2024
Thank you so much to Beau for this lovely arc!
Sol is an apprentice in a magic and potions shop, but no one in his small town truly knows who he is. Scared of being shunned and fighting off demons of his past, Sol finds solace in the lover he sees in his dreams; a strong, handsome knight that accepts Sol and brings him so much pleasure. He is shocked when the man shows up at the shop, looking for a healer to help the old king recover from sickness. Though he has his doubts, Sol is ready for an adventure. And traveling alone with Johan doesn’t hurt!
As they travel, Sol and Johan get to know each other and discover that though they are quite different, they have lots in common. Both men have something about them they long to be free of, and they both want someone to share a peaceful life with. Their romance is organic and very sweet; though Yohan is an imposing knight to most, he’s so delicate with Sol. Johan helps Sol to find his confidence and be his true self.
This was a very sweet, cozy romantasy where you’ll find:
-Trans MC
-Cursed knight
-Steamy scenes
-Magical realism
-Self-acceptance
-A journey ending in love
Sol is an apprentice in a magic and potions shop, but no one in his small town truly knows who he is. Scared of being shunned and fighting off demons of his past, Sol finds solace in the lover he sees in his dreams; a strong, handsome knight that accepts Sol and brings him so much pleasure. He is shocked when the man shows up at the shop, looking for a healer to help the old king recover from sickness. Though he has his doubts, Sol is ready for an adventure. And traveling alone with Johan doesn’t hurt!
As they travel, Sol and Johan get to know each other and discover that though they are quite different, they have lots in common. Both men have something about them they long to be free of, and they both want someone to share a peaceful life with. Their romance is organic and very sweet; though Yohan is an imposing knight to most, he’s so delicate with Sol. Johan helps Sol to find his confidence and be his true self.
This was a very sweet, cozy romantasy where you’ll find:
-Trans MC
-Cursed knight
-Steamy scenes
-Magical realism
-Self-acceptance
-A journey ending in love
October 28, 2024
To Wield The Darkest Night - Book Review
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ [4.5/5 Stars]
I was so honored to be given the opportunity to be an ARC reader for this book. I've previously read the Prince's Dearest Guards series by Beau Van Dalen and really loved thoes so I knew this was going to be a good read.
Spoiler Free!
There are so many amazing lines in this and really speaks to my experience when it comes to my gender. Sol's struggle and journey through that specifically really spoke to me on a deep level that left me in tears a lot.
“He prayed every night that he would wake up—and that the odd, uncomfortable sentiment that tugged at his heart every waking hour of his life would one day come to disappear if only he tried hard enough, to be her.”
This one perhaps hit me the most. I loved being able to see into Sol's mind and thoughts. His perspectives of how he's had to live his life and force back who he is. It's something that I and a lot of other trans or gender non-conforming people struggle though. Sol being able to have that exploration of being himself with the safety and security of his connection with Yohan was wonderful to read and experience.
“You deserve to exist. And take up space.”
When it comes to story it's 10/10 phenomenal. The only thing that seems to get me is in how quick our two MCs start interacting with each other in a more intimate way. With this being one of the longest stories that Beau Van Dalen has written I feel that could have taken a bit more time. (Fairly certain he said that at one point, still it's long in comparison to the other of his I've read.) But it's not something completely out of the realm for these characters in how they're presented so it's not that terrible of a con or anything. Just a personal preference.
Final thoughts
A short and sweet review but I didn't want to delve too much into spoiler territory so I hope this suffices! Truly a fun story with great rep that makes me feel more seen the more I read on. I would 100% recommend this book to anyone and everyone who enjoys reading trans stories with some excellent smut and amazing character insight.
~~~~~~
Thank you to Beau Van Dalen for giving me the opportunity to ARC read this for you. As my first ARC reading experience I've learned a lot and I'm so happy to have been able to do this.♡
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ [4.5/5 Stars]
I was so honored to be given the opportunity to be an ARC reader for this book. I've previously read the Prince's Dearest Guards series by Beau Van Dalen and really loved thoes so I knew this was going to be a good read.
Spoiler Free!
There are so many amazing lines in this and really speaks to my experience when it comes to my gender. Sol's struggle and journey through that specifically really spoke to me on a deep level that left me in tears a lot.
“He prayed every night that he would wake up—and that the odd, uncomfortable sentiment that tugged at his heart every waking hour of his life would one day come to disappear if only he tried hard enough, to be her.”
This one perhaps hit me the most. I loved being able to see into Sol's mind and thoughts. His perspectives of how he's had to live his life and force back who he is. It's something that I and a lot of other trans or gender non-conforming people struggle though. Sol being able to have that exploration of being himself with the safety and security of his connection with Yohan was wonderful to read and experience.
“You deserve to exist. And take up space.”
When it comes to story it's 10/10 phenomenal. The only thing that seems to get me is in how quick our two MCs start interacting with each other in a more intimate way. With this being one of the longest stories that Beau Van Dalen has written I feel that could have taken a bit more time. (Fairly certain he said that at one point, still it's long in comparison to the other of his I've read.) But it's not something completely out of the realm for these characters in how they're presented so it's not that terrible of a con or anything. Just a personal preference.
Final thoughts
A short and sweet review but I didn't want to delve too much into spoiler territory so I hope this suffices! Truly a fun story with great rep that makes me feel more seen the more I read on. I would 100% recommend this book to anyone and everyone who enjoys reading trans stories with some excellent smut and amazing character insight.
~~~~~~
Thank you to Beau Van Dalen for giving me the opportunity to ARC read this for you. As my first ARC reading experience I've learned a lot and I'm so happy to have been able to do this.♡
October 30, 2024
Thank you to the author for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Sol is a closeted trans man working as an apothecary in a small village. Scared to reveal to others his true self, Sol is both lonely and unfulfilled in his everyday life. The only reprieve he has is at night when he dreams of a mysterious lover who accepts and loves him as he is. However, one day, the man from his dreams turns up at his potion shop, seeking his help. Yohan is a knight and cursed rider for the kingdom. When the King falls ill, Yohan is tasked with escorting Sol to the palace as he is the only person who can craft a cure. Along the way, Sol and Yohan get to know each other, and soon, the visions from Sol's dreams begin to come true.
This book is filled with beautifully written trans joy. I loved Sol's journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-compassion. It was so lovely to see Sol slowly open up more to others, especially Yohan, who provided him with the support and love he needed. This book is very much a sensual display of self-growth. The smut scenes were beautiful and spicy. The characters were well-developed. It was all very wholesome!
The only thing I didn't like was the pacing. The last 40% felt like it dragged on for me, especially because there was a lot of repetition in the dialogue and with Sol and Yohan having the same discussions but with different words (or sometimes the same). I personally felt like it could have ended earlier than it did.
But overall, I thought this was a lovely book and story, and I highly recommend it, especially for its trans joy and awareness 🩷
Sol is a closeted trans man working as an apothecary in a small village. Scared to reveal to others his true self, Sol is both lonely and unfulfilled in his everyday life. The only reprieve he has is at night when he dreams of a mysterious lover who accepts and loves him as he is. However, one day, the man from his dreams turns up at his potion shop, seeking his help. Yohan is a knight and cursed rider for the kingdom. When the King falls ill, Yohan is tasked with escorting Sol to the palace as he is the only person who can craft a cure. Along the way, Sol and Yohan get to know each other, and soon, the visions from Sol's dreams begin to come true.
This book is filled with beautifully written trans joy. I loved Sol's journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-compassion. It was so lovely to see Sol slowly open up more to others, especially Yohan, who provided him with the support and love he needed. This book is very much a sensual display of self-growth. The smut scenes were beautiful and spicy. The characters were well-developed. It was all very wholesome!
The only thing I didn't like was the pacing. The last 40% felt like it dragged on for me, especially because there was a lot of repetition in the dialogue and with Sol and Yohan having the same discussions but with different words (or sometimes the same). I personally felt like it could have ended earlier than it did.
But overall, I thought this was a lovely book and story, and I highly recommend it, especially for its trans joy and awareness 🩷
October 31, 2024
ARC Review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
To Wield the Darkest Night by Beau Van Dalen deserves every star for its unique blend of dark fantasy, romance, and powerful character-driven storytelling. At the heart of this story is Sol, a closeted trans man and apothecary. He’s haunted by dreams of Yohan, a cursed, mysterious and handsome knight. These visions become reality when Yohan suddenly appears in Sol’s life, requesting his expertise to heal a dying king. This encounter draws Sol into an adventure that forces him to confront his true identity and desires.
Van Dalen’s writing style feels like a comforting embrace, painting a world where intimacy and vulnerability are celebrated in Sol and Yohan’s relationship. The story explores far more than romance, offering a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Van Dalen crafts a narrative that is empowering for readers of all backgrounds. This is a heartfelt, atmospheric tale of love and transformation, ideal for anyone drawn to cozy yet dark fantasy with a meaningful emotional core.
To Wield the Darkest Night by Beau Van Dalen deserves every star for its unique blend of dark fantasy, romance, and powerful character-driven storytelling. At the heart of this story is Sol, a closeted trans man and apothecary. He’s haunted by dreams of Yohan, a cursed, mysterious and handsome knight. These visions become reality when Yohan suddenly appears in Sol’s life, requesting his expertise to heal a dying king. This encounter draws Sol into an adventure that forces him to confront his true identity and desires.
Van Dalen’s writing style feels like a comforting embrace, painting a world where intimacy and vulnerability are celebrated in Sol and Yohan’s relationship. The story explores far more than romance, offering a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Van Dalen crafts a narrative that is empowering for readers of all backgrounds. This is a heartfelt, atmospheric tale of love and transformation, ideal for anyone drawn to cozy yet dark fantasy with a meaningful emotional core.
July 26, 2025
Creo que es un error marketearlo como fantasía o quejarse de que este libro no tiene worldbuilding. Fuera de que el worldbuilding no es ninguna medida para juzgar la literatura porque NO ES UN QUEHACER LITERARIO, en realidad no es fantasía. Los elementos fantásticos son sólo decorado de un romance que tampoco está muy bien desarrollado como propuesta estética... No sé. Por suerte no me lo contaron así y yo sabía a lo que venía. El género que mejor calificar al libro es la erótica y cómo erótica es tierno y es entretenido y es bastante mejor, pero también es repetitivo y cacofónico en su estilo (me gusta el endearing de los personajes como propuesta, pero no hay más que eso: una propuesta que no se forma porque no parece haber ni siquiera autoedición). No aporta nada estéticamente a ningún género, ni novedoso ni no novedoso (las cosas no tienen que ser novedosas, eh) y su fuerte es el autodescubrimiento del Sol... que es inconsistente at worst y tierno pero superficial at best. Sol es lo mejor del libro, tho.
March 20, 2025
2.5 The concept of this was fantastic. The execution… not as much. I loved both the characters, wish they had been developed more and been a bit more of a slow burn. It’s a cute read, but I wanted more out of it, especially when it came to the magic system.
October 25, 2024
Okay so I received an arc of this book after finding the author on Threads and this review is completely of my own accord and free will.
I was very excited to read this as I read a lot of queer/trans fantasy/scifi and finding authors to support is one of my favorite things.
However, I had to rate To Wield the Darkest Night a 2.5 rounded up to 3 stars. ⭐️ Don’t get me wrong, there were so many great things about this book, but there was also so much that was left underdeveloped and I wanted so much more from this idea.
The story follows Sol, a trans man/former mage school dropout/current apothecary who is being tasked by one of the King’s cursed guard to help him find ingredients for a potion (?) that will bring the King’s health back. The story is mainly focused on this journey and the resulting love story between Sol and his knight.
The following are reasons I couldn’t rate this story higher (sadly):
1. The writing style is blocky and strange. At times the writing style seemed to get in the way of the storytelling and I would have to read sentences several times to understand what was happening. There are also strange italicized areas that don’t read as inner thought but rather as just … italicized prose. On the other hand, Beau has a talent for description and I wish I could’ve had it paired with cleaner prose. There are also copious grammar and spelling mistakes with areas written in older English that isn’t consistent.
2. Though I appreciated Sol and his character arc playing a role in the story, I wish it hadn’t been the ENTIRE story. This world seems rich and lore-heavy and the plot could’ve gone so much further. I am aware that the genre is cozy fantasy but cozy shouldn’t mean a complete lack of attention to plot or conflict. None of the world-building is fleshed out enough for me to really understand how any of it works. Even Yohan’s curse is spelled as some tragic and cursed thing when he really only knows when people die. He also has access to some … dark power? That is never fully explained. We see it used twice. The history of the kingdom could’ve used some fleshing out as well as the magic system. And I wish I knew more about the sick King.
3. The plot meanders. I don’t fully understand the point of the plot after Sol and Yohan leave the city after helping heal the king, other than just wrapping things up by sending Sol “home.” I wish there had been reasoning because I really struggled with reading all of that. It also kind of meanders once they’re in the city, with Sol and Yohan just intermittently having sex and Sol talking vaguely about healing the king and discussing transphobia and fear. Important topics, to be sure, but better weaved into a background and plot so it doesn’t feel so strange and rushed.
Now, this does NOT mean I hated this book. I didn’t. I think Sol and Yohan were great characters and it felt as though the author had them in mind before anything else and sort of wove a plot around them. I know this is an arc which means it comes out very soon (on Halloween actually!) but I really do think it could use some developmental edits.
I appreciate getting the chance to read this book! I definitely walked away with more than one warm and fuzzy moment.
I was very excited to read this as I read a lot of queer/trans fantasy/scifi and finding authors to support is one of my favorite things.
However, I had to rate To Wield the Darkest Night a 2.5 rounded up to 3 stars. ⭐️ Don’t get me wrong, there were so many great things about this book, but there was also so much that was left underdeveloped and I wanted so much more from this idea.
The story follows Sol, a trans man/former mage school dropout/current apothecary who is being tasked by one of the King’s cursed guard to help him find ingredients for a potion (?) that will bring the King’s health back. The story is mainly focused on this journey and the resulting love story between Sol and his knight.
The following are reasons I couldn’t rate this story higher (sadly):
1. The writing style is blocky and strange. At times the writing style seemed to get in the way of the storytelling and I would have to read sentences several times to understand what was happening. There are also strange italicized areas that don’t read as inner thought but rather as just … italicized prose. On the other hand, Beau has a talent for description and I wish I could’ve had it paired with cleaner prose. There are also copious grammar and spelling mistakes with areas written in older English that isn’t consistent.
2. Though I appreciated Sol and his character arc playing a role in the story, I wish it hadn’t been the ENTIRE story. This world seems rich and lore-heavy and the plot could’ve gone so much further. I am aware that the genre is cozy fantasy but cozy shouldn’t mean a complete lack of attention to plot or conflict. None of the world-building is fleshed out enough for me to really understand how any of it works. Even Yohan’s curse is spelled as some tragic and cursed thing when he really only knows when people die. He also has access to some … dark power? That is never fully explained. We see it used twice. The history of the kingdom could’ve used some fleshing out as well as the magic system. And I wish I knew more about the sick King.
3. The plot meanders. I don’t fully understand the point of the plot after Sol and Yohan leave the city after helping heal the king, other than just wrapping things up by sending Sol “home.” I wish there had been reasoning because I really struggled with reading all of that. It also kind of meanders once they’re in the city, with Sol and Yohan just intermittently having sex and Sol talking vaguely about healing the king and discussing transphobia and fear. Important topics, to be sure, but better weaved into a background and plot so it doesn’t feel so strange and rushed.
Now, this does NOT mean I hated this book. I didn’t. I think Sol and Yohan were great characters and it felt as though the author had them in mind before anything else and sort of wove a plot around them. I know this is an arc which means it comes out very soon (on Halloween actually!) but I really do think it could use some developmental edits.
I appreciate getting the chance to read this book! I definitely walked away with more than one warm and fuzzy moment.
October 30, 2024
*3.5*
While this dreamy cozydark wasn't quite for me, it's going to be a 5*-star read for a lot of people. What it sets out to do, it does very well, and that's to gently take you by the hand and show you the beautiful and emotional journey a trans man takes with the help of his destined lover to not only find, accept, and love himself, but to begin healing from past sexual assault/trauma and learn to trust agian.
To Wield the Darkest Night focuses sharply in on its main character, the trans man, Sol, as he tries to find a way to accept himself while he wears a body different from some other men. Inside of him is a desperate yearning to be seen, to be touched, to be loved as he is for WHO he is. This, in spite of the trauma that dogs him after his sexual assault years ago by a man he thought he had every reason to trust.
Gradually, and with great gentleness and caution, Yohan proves to him he not only likes EVERYTHING that Sol is but that Sol can trust him, always.
Their love develops quickly but naturally, the gentle giant Yohan forever careful and mindful of Sol's fears and boundaries. They ALWAYS seek consent from one another, which is a beautiful, healing, and well-crafted message. From here we see their relationship grow as they experience several firsts with one another as trust continues to blossom and Sol continues to find himself and maybe even love himself and the body he possesses.
This such a lovely story of transness, of being in a body that doesn't quite match what you know yourself to be but loving yourself anyway, of finding a way to trust despite the hurtles of trauma, and of consent in its purest most cherished form - always sought between two people who know and love each other dearly.
While I was hoping, when I stepped into this tale, that there would be a bit more adventure, world-building, and plot, this is truly a dreamy cozydark as advertised. It's largely a very fluffy tale, with the two leads not facing much danger and always infinitely kind to one another. As someone who loves plot, danger, excitement, fantasy magic, and a cast of characters or found family, this story was a bit slow for me. That being said, people who LOVE cozy fantasy and/or very fluffy romance, will adore this story and the pace it sets.
I also found that there were the occasional unexplained happenstances, such as when Sol is pulled off the street and told that he was being protected as other mages have been kidnapped, but nothing ever came of this. We also never learn how or why Sol has spent years dreaming of his Yohan. Perhaps I missed something or perhaps it wasn't fully edited yet, as I was the reader of an ARC copy.
Regardless, on the whole, I feel this story is important and needed to exist in the world. It has several strong messages delivered in kind, sweet packages that'll be incredibly important to a lot of people. If any of this sounds at all something you'd enjoy reading, I do suggest giving it a try. Sink into the dreamy, almost manga-esque fantasy romance and get swept away by the sprouting Sol and kindly Yohan.
While this dreamy cozydark wasn't quite for me, it's going to be a 5*-star read for a lot of people. What it sets out to do, it does very well, and that's to gently take you by the hand and show you the beautiful and emotional journey a trans man takes with the help of his destined lover to not only find, accept, and love himself, but to begin healing from past sexual assault/trauma and learn to trust agian.
To Wield the Darkest Night focuses sharply in on its main character, the trans man, Sol, as he tries to find a way to accept himself while he wears a body different from some other men. Inside of him is a desperate yearning to be seen, to be touched, to be loved as he is for WHO he is. This, in spite of the trauma that dogs him after his sexual assault years ago by a man he thought he had every reason to trust.
Gradually, and with great gentleness and caution, Yohan proves to him he not only likes EVERYTHING that Sol is but that Sol can trust him, always.
Their love develops quickly but naturally, the gentle giant Yohan forever careful and mindful of Sol's fears and boundaries. They ALWAYS seek consent from one another, which is a beautiful, healing, and well-crafted message. From here we see their relationship grow as they experience several firsts with one another as trust continues to blossom and Sol continues to find himself and maybe even love himself and the body he possesses.
This such a lovely story of transness, of being in a body that doesn't quite match what you know yourself to be but loving yourself anyway, of finding a way to trust despite the hurtles of trauma, and of consent in its purest most cherished form - always sought between two people who know and love each other dearly.
While I was hoping, when I stepped into this tale, that there would be a bit more adventure, world-building, and plot, this is truly a dreamy cozydark as advertised. It's largely a very fluffy tale, with the two leads not facing much danger and always infinitely kind to one another. As someone who loves plot, danger, excitement, fantasy magic, and a cast of characters or found family, this story was a bit slow for me. That being said, people who LOVE cozy fantasy and/or very fluffy romance, will adore this story and the pace it sets.
I also found that there were the occasional unexplained happenstances, such as when Sol is pulled off the street and told that he was being protected as other mages have been kidnapped, but nothing ever came of this. We also never learn how or why Sol has spent years dreaming of his Yohan. Perhaps I missed something or perhaps it wasn't fully edited yet, as I was the reader of an ARC copy.
Regardless, on the whole, I feel this story is important and needed to exist in the world. It has several strong messages delivered in kind, sweet packages that'll be incredibly important to a lot of people. If any of this sounds at all something you'd enjoy reading, I do suggest giving it a try. Sink into the dreamy, almost manga-esque fantasy romance and get swept away by the sprouting Sol and kindly Yohan.
November 9, 2024
i need one of Beau love interests for me too 😭
Beau did it again! He wrote a beautiful book that made me yearn all the time. Once again I loved the beautiful and immersive writing style, the magical cozy atmosphere and... well... the love interest hahhaha
Also i want to add, one thing that makes Beau books so special is his ability to talk about human feelings and desires. There is always something relatable in his characters even if i'm a (queer) cis woman, and I'm happy this happened again with this book!
Beau did it again! He wrote a beautiful book that made me yearn all the time. Once again I loved the beautiful and immersive writing style, the magical cozy atmosphere and... well... the love interest hahhaha
Also i want to add, one thing that makes Beau books so special is his ability to talk about human feelings and desires. There is always something relatable in his characters even if i'm a (queer) cis woman, and I'm happy this happened again with this book!
October 29, 2024
In all honesty, I finished this book weeks ago, and just never had the words to write an earnest review. The book is out in two days, and I’m still at a loss, but I will try my best to articulate what I think. To Wield the Darkest Knight is a fun, cozy romantasy featuring a trans man and his gay lover. It took me two days to finish, and truthfully, while I enjoyed it, this book was not for me.
There were a lot of really good ideas here. I really liked that they had dreamed of each other prior to meeting, and I really liked the whole cursed knight of death thing. I liked the parts that really leaned in to the fantasy aspect, with its creatures and its magic. But, quite frankly, these things didn’t really amount to much, if anything, at all. Which is fine in its own right, but when they are, to me, some of the more interesting themes of a book, a little poorly received as a reader.
As a closeted transmasculine person, I could relate to Sol, our transgender main character—especially his dysphoria and sex-related trauma. As the book goes on, he begins discovering himself and healing through his romantic partnership with the secondary lead, Yohan. I’m a big fan of the healing trauma through love trope, and I thought that Sol and Yohan were very sweet together, but I found Sol’s journey to be a little repetitive. In some ways, I find it realistic—oftentimes, I find myself looping back to things I’d thought I’d healed from. Healing is repetitive. I just thought it didn’t work that well here. I have qualms about Yohan’s character as well, mostly that he feels underutilized, and underdeveloped, but he was enjoyable enough of a second lead. He was a patient lover, and well suited for Sol.
If you’re interested in this book for any sort of story, I would tell you to just skip it. This is pure fluff and romance and sex. Which is totally fine! I also think other trans people can find something for them in this book. Again, it was just not for me—I think it’s good, and I see the appeal of it, but in a lot of ways it fell flat for me. I do like Van Dalen’s work overall, and am looking forward to my next read from him.
I was provided an e-ARC by the author in exchange for an honest review.
October 25, 2024
At its core, this book is about trans happiness, acceptance and self-love. And I loved, absolutely adored, how much of positivity Sol received, not only from Yohan, but later also from others as well. The knowledge that Sol could find a happy ending for himself truly left a warm feeling when reading this story.
I think this book also handles the trauma of sexual assault very well. Sol is impacted by it, a lot, as it's a thing that changed his whole life. I really liked how his comfort was always on Yohan's mind and how every time they were intimate, and with this book being an erotica, there were a lot of those moments, Yohan made sure both of them would be alright.
And I know that the plot wasn't full of adventurous moments, action, or conflicts, but I feel like this book didn't need those and served as a wonderful look into Sol's life as a trans man and his healing. While there were plot points, especially at the beginning, which made me a bit confused about what was happening, I think the overall vibe and comfort this book brought me made it a really nice read.
Thank you to Beau van Dalen for an ARC in exchange for a review!
I think this book also handles the trauma of sexual assault very well. Sol is impacted by it, a lot, as it's a thing that changed his whole life. I really liked how his comfort was always on Yohan's mind and how every time they were intimate, and with this book being an erotica, there were a lot of those moments, Yohan made sure both of them would be alright.
And I know that the plot wasn't full of adventurous moments, action, or conflicts, but I feel like this book didn't need those and served as a wonderful look into Sol's life as a trans man and his healing. While there were plot points, especially at the beginning, which made me a bit confused about what was happening, I think the overall vibe and comfort this book brought me made it a really nice read.
Thank you to Beau van Dalen for an ARC in exchange for a review!
April 20, 2025
I always hate when I find a book with a trans man MC that ends up woefully undercooked.
This is not good. It’s instalove with minimal worldbuilding and what worldbuilding there is gets sidelined over and over again in favor of another sex scene. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s frustrating to get teased with interesting concepts only to never have them explored beyond that initial introduction. What’s with the cursed knights? What’s with the King? How is this society modern enough to have magical sex shops but no magical HRT? Can we get more characterization for Yohan other than ‘agreeable boyfriend’?
If there was ever a novel that was in desperate need of an editor, it’s this one. Sometimes plot points get repeated multiple times. In one particularly rough moment, a character ties a horse to a tree only to tie that same horse to that same tree a half page later. It’s small, easily fixable things like that that pile up overtime.
I’m sad, man. I want more trans m4m fantasy out there, but this just didn’t do it for me.
This is not good. It’s instalove with minimal worldbuilding and what worldbuilding there is gets sidelined over and over again in favor of another sex scene. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s frustrating to get teased with interesting concepts only to never have them explored beyond that initial introduction. What’s with the cursed knights? What’s with the King? How is this society modern enough to have magical sex shops but no magical HRT? Can we get more characterization for Yohan other than ‘agreeable boyfriend’?
If there was ever a novel that was in desperate need of an editor, it’s this one. Sometimes plot points get repeated multiple times. In one particularly rough moment, a character ties a horse to a tree only to tie that same horse to that same tree a half page later. It’s small, easily fixable things like that that pile up overtime.
I’m sad, man. I want more trans m4m fantasy out there, but this just didn’t do it for me.
November 26, 2024
First, thank you to the author, I received this book as an ARC in a giveaway online! I wasn’t required to write a review, but I wanted to.
In my opinion the blurb is a bit misleading. This book is more cozy slice of life than mystery. There were stakes, but they felt low, the bigger plot was the main characters transness. As a trans masc person myself, I enjoyed this aspect of the story. It felt realistic, and there were times I really related to him. Yes there was a background plot of helping the king, trying to figure out his knight’s backstory, but those took a hard backseat to the struggles around being trans in this world.
The romance was good, spicy, and the wording around some of it was pretty accurate to how trans people refer to themselves.
As this was an ARC there were some typos, a few words had definitely been swapped on accident, but over all this was a solid book. I enjoyed it and flew through it in a few days. Good job all around!
In my opinion the blurb is a bit misleading. This book is more cozy slice of life than mystery. There were stakes, but they felt low, the bigger plot was the main characters transness. As a trans masc person myself, I enjoyed this aspect of the story. It felt realistic, and there were times I really related to him. Yes there was a background plot of helping the king, trying to figure out his knight’s backstory, but those took a hard backseat to the struggles around being trans in this world.
The romance was good, spicy, and the wording around some of it was pretty accurate to how trans people refer to themselves.
As this was an ARC there were some typos, a few words had definitely been swapped on accident, but over all this was a solid book. I enjoyed it and flew through it in a few days. Good job all around!
April 16, 2025
What a disappointment. I had high hopes for this based on the description, however those hopes were dashed very early on. The writing was subpar at best. Tons of punctuation and grammar errors and run-on sentences. Not to mention the lack of world building?? This felt like a fanfic based on how little information we were actually given of the world, with the author behaving as though we as the audience should already have a base knowledge of this universe.
Cursed knights, strange centuries-old curses, a sick king with some mystery illness, a magic system with mages and the like - the list goes on, but do we get any background or explanation for any of it? Nope.
There are several other things I could go on about that irritated me or made me want to abandon the book, but I feel I’ve said enough mean things already. The only saving grace, and the only reason this got two stars, was the journey of self-discovery and healing the MC goes on was very wholesome and felt very sincere.
Cursed knights, strange centuries-old curses, a sick king with some mystery illness, a magic system with mages and the like - the list goes on, but do we get any background or explanation for any of it? Nope.
There are several other things I could go on about that irritated me or made me want to abandon the book, but I feel I’ve said enough mean things already. The only saving grace, and the only reason this got two stars, was the journey of self-discovery and healing the MC goes on was very wholesome and felt very sincere.
January 30, 2025
DNF at 85%
Needed a lot more development and editing both from a line-level and worldbuilding perspective. After reading a few books by this author, I'm probably calling it quits here. The fixation with quantity over quality bugs me. All the same issues crop up in story after story. You'd think someone who has spent years and years writing would improve after a while.
Needed a lot more development and editing both from a line-level and worldbuilding perspective. After reading a few books by this author, I'm probably calling it quits here. The fixation with quantity over quality bugs me. All the same issues crop up in story after story. You'd think someone who has spent years and years writing would improve after a while.
November 1, 2024
Disclaimer: I received an ARC copy by the author in exchange for a review.
Once again I've been lucky enough to receive an ARC of Beau Van Dalen's book and I just wanted to start this review out by saying that one of my favorite things about having had that pleasure multiple times is seeing how his writing evolves with each book. And that this is so far one of my favorites works I've read by him.
The story follows a closeted trans apothecary and a cursed knight on a mission. The main focus of the book is their character development, and you get to follow Sol finally feeling comfortable enough (and safe enough) to both come out and embrace his sexuality again after an assault in his past led to him locking it down and Yohan finally seeing himself as more than just the King's weapon to be wielded as he has been since he was young.
I will be talking about some spoilers in this paragaph, but it was also my absolutely favorite part of the story, so I need to include it: The way Sol's trauma is handled is one of the most beautiful things about this book. It is not something that magically disappears once Sol finally feels comfortable enough after he allows himself to fall in love again or even after he has sex and the story even slightly explores something that rings true for me as a person with trauma, but that is often underexplored in narratives (maybe because of the shame that surrounds it): Having nightmares about the person that you love being the one to hurt you. And it especially manages to handle this delicate topic in a way that avoids clichee melodrama in the morning after, which was just so incredibly great for me to read..
In addition to their character development, you also get really steamy (and caring) sex scenes bringing the best of trans erotica. I personally really enjoyed the magic strap that can cum when the wearer does, which was a great use of magic, but there are also a bunch of other sex scenes that were in turns sweet and in turns really hot and something both. Definitely a book for enjoyers of diverse and steamy romantasy.
I also enjoyed that women played an important role as side characters in this book and especially that Sol got to meet a trans woman seamstress, who he had known in his past, which was just a really lovely way to round out his character development at the end of the story.
If I have any criticisms, it's that I want to know more about what is happening to Mages in the King's town. While the fantasy aspects are some of the least fleshed out parts of this book, that is the one thing that never gets any sort of follow up. But who knows? Maybe there's a sequel following a different character who just moved to the town in the making? (Wishful thinking on my part perhaps, but hey, one can dream).
All in all, this is a book I can recommend to anybody who enjoys erotic romantasy with trans characters, likes characters dealing with and healing from trauma and especially to anybody who has read Beau Van Dalen's The Prince's Dearest Guards series and thought: "This is great, but I'd like a book that's longer."
Trigger warnings (also included in the book itself) are: violence, transphobia, misgendering of a transgender character (sometimes unintentional, sometimes in a more malicious manner), gender dysphoria, PTSD, flashbacks to sexual assault, trauma surrounding sexual assault including triggerpoints on the body, use of language describing genitalia during sex for a trans man, death of multiple minor characters, mentions of drug use, infidelity, pregnancy, execution and human trafficking.
Once again I've been lucky enough to receive an ARC of Beau Van Dalen's book and I just wanted to start this review out by saying that one of my favorite things about having had that pleasure multiple times is seeing how his writing evolves with each book. And that this is so far one of my favorites works I've read by him.
The story follows a closeted trans apothecary and a cursed knight on a mission. The main focus of the book is their character development, and you get to follow Sol finally feeling comfortable enough (and safe enough) to both come out and embrace his sexuality again after an assault in his past led to him locking it down and Yohan finally seeing himself as more than just the King's weapon to be wielded as he has been since he was young.
I will be talking about some spoilers in this paragaph, but it was also my absolutely favorite part of the story, so I need to include it: The way Sol's trauma is handled is one of the most beautiful things about this book. It is not something that magically disappears once Sol finally feels comfortable enough after he allows himself to fall in love again or even after he has sex and the story even slightly explores something that rings true for me as a person with trauma, but that is often underexplored in narratives (maybe because of the shame that surrounds it): Having nightmares about the person that you love being the one to hurt you. And it especially manages to handle this delicate topic in a way that avoids clichee melodrama in the morning after, which was just so incredibly great for me to read..
In addition to their character development, you also get really steamy (and caring) sex scenes bringing the best of trans erotica. I personally really enjoyed the magic strap that can cum when the wearer does, which was a great use of magic, but there are also a bunch of other sex scenes that were in turns sweet and in turns really hot and something both. Definitely a book for enjoyers of diverse and steamy romantasy.
I also enjoyed that women played an important role as side characters in this book and especially that Sol got to meet a trans woman seamstress, who he had known in his past, which was just a really lovely way to round out his character development at the end of the story.
If I have any criticisms, it's that I want to know more about what is happening to Mages in the King's town. While the fantasy aspects are some of the least fleshed out parts of this book, that is the one thing that never gets any sort of follow up. But who knows? Maybe there's a sequel following a different character who just moved to the town in the making? (Wishful thinking on my part perhaps, but hey, one can dream).
All in all, this is a book I can recommend to anybody who enjoys erotic romantasy with trans characters, likes characters dealing with and healing from trauma and especially to anybody who has read Beau Van Dalen's The Prince's Dearest Guards series and thought: "This is great, but I'd like a book that's longer."
Trigger warnings (also included in the book itself) are: violence, transphobia, misgendering of a transgender character (sometimes unintentional, sometimes in a more malicious manner), gender dysphoria, PTSD, flashbacks to sexual assault, trauma surrounding sexual assault including triggerpoints on the body, use of language describing genitalia during sex for a trans man, death of multiple minor characters, mentions of drug use, infidelity, pregnancy, execution and human trafficking.
October 23, 2024
Un grand merci à l’auteur pour cet ARC et sa confiance.
C’est exactement le genre de livre qui me donne envie de faire des potions, de dessiner des symboles magiques pour danser autour sous la lune et de déguster une bonne tasse de breuvage chaud.😌
Sol fait des rêves étranges et passionnés mettant en scène un étranger avec qui il peut enfin être lui-même.
Un étranger qui débarque un beau jour sur le pas de sa boutique d’apothicaire, lui promettant l’aventure loin de son petit village étroit d’esprit dans une quête sauvage pour guérir le roi.
Yohan (précieux Yohan🥹) est un chevalier, un Cavalier Maudit, à la réputation impitoyable et terriblement efficace mais qui souffre du même manque de connexion que Sol. Être touché, vu, compris, et aimé par quelqu’un lui fait cruellement défaut.
C’est la première fois que je lis une romance avec un MC trans dont l’assignation à la naissance est si près de la surface, si souvent rappelé et où l’inconfort d’être dans la mauvaise peau est si fort.
Mais Yohan est d’une tendresse et d’un support indéfectibles.✊🥺♥️
J’aurais bien aimé lire son point de vue parfois.
Cette lecture a été très émotionnelle. Les moments d’acceptation sont intenses pour chacun des personnages mais tout particulièrement ceux d’auto-acceptation qui sont profondément libérateur. Car embrasser l’autre dans toute sa complexité est parfois plus simple que de se reconnaître et de s’accepter soi-même.
🏳️⚧️Romance MM: Trans MC (FTM)/Cis love interest
✨Cozy fantasy with angst
🗡️Apothicaire demi-elfe/Chevalier maudit
❤️🩹Touch/affection deprived
❄️Différence d’âge (8 ans)
🔥(ai-je vraiment besoin de donner plus de détails?) Oui?!🔥🍑🍆🌸🥨🌶️🫠✨
💖Attentif au consentement/After care🤌🥹🥰
P.S.: Je m’attendais à ce que les personnages de The Prince Dearest Guards évoluent dans le même univers ou quelque chose comme ça mais je ne m’attendais pas à cet Easter Egg en particulier.😂
C’est exactement le genre de livre qui me donne envie de faire des potions, de dessiner des symboles magiques pour danser autour sous la lune et de déguster une bonne tasse de breuvage chaud.😌
Sol fait des rêves étranges et passionnés mettant en scène un étranger avec qui il peut enfin être lui-même.
Un étranger qui débarque un beau jour sur le pas de sa boutique d’apothicaire, lui promettant l’aventure loin de son petit village étroit d’esprit dans une quête sauvage pour guérir le roi.
Yohan (précieux Yohan🥹) est un chevalier, un Cavalier Maudit, à la réputation impitoyable et terriblement efficace mais qui souffre du même manque de connexion que Sol. Être touché, vu, compris, et aimé par quelqu’un lui fait cruellement défaut.
C’est la première fois que je lis une romance avec un MC trans dont l’assignation à la naissance est si près de la surface, si souvent rappelé et où l’inconfort d’être dans la mauvaise peau est si fort.
Mais Yohan est d’une tendresse et d’un support indéfectibles.✊🥺♥️
J’aurais bien aimé lire son point de vue parfois.
Cette lecture a été très émotionnelle. Les moments d’acceptation sont intenses pour chacun des personnages mais tout particulièrement ceux d’auto-acceptation qui sont profondément libérateur. Car embrasser l’autre dans toute sa complexité est parfois plus simple que de se reconnaître et de s’accepter soi-même.
🏳️⚧️Romance MM: Trans MC (FTM)/Cis love interest
✨Cozy fantasy with angst
🗡️Apothicaire demi-elfe/Chevalier maudit
❤️🩹Touch/affection deprived
❄️Différence d’âge (8 ans)
🔥(ai-je vraiment besoin de donner plus de détails?) Oui?!🔥🍑🍆🌸🥨🌶️🫠✨
💖Attentif au consentement/After care🤌🥹🥰
P.S.: Je m’attendais à ce que les personnages de The Prince Dearest Guards évoluent dans le même univers ou quelque chose comme ça mais je ne m’attendais pas à cet Easter Egg en particulier.😂
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October 30, 2024I received an ARC of this novel from the author in exchange for a fair review, and I am choosing to DNF at 38%.
As a trans person who wants to both support trans authors and see more trans romance in the world, this novel was a disappointment to me. I want to support indie authors. I typically choose to purchase indie books new while I purchase many of my traditionally published novels secondhand because I know that sales are important to indie authors. It's part of why I sign up for ARCs; I tend to sign up for books I would have purchased with my own money, and often plan to purchase after the fact, because I want to offer authors assistance in getting their work out there if I can.
I am also aware this is an ARC and not the final copy of this book, but I can only review what I was given, and what I was given honestly read like a hot mess to me.
The prose of this ARC contained many sentence structure errors and misplaced commas, so much so that I had to reread several sentences to ensure what they were telling me. Commas are often used for flavor by many authors to create a rhythm and flow in their text, but I found many of the commas actively disrupting the rhythm of the sentences instead. It slowed my reading of the text significantly and made it more difficult to understand, an issue I have not encountered before. There were also typos that made me stumble several times, and occasionally have to reread a page or two to see if I was missing context for something that seemed wrong.
And this is just personal preference, but I did nearly DNF the book when Sol has two sex scenes with a female nymph in the woods prior to ever talking to Yohan about his identity. I read and enjoy M/F, as is visible in my review history, but I did not expect it when I signed up to read an M/M novel, and it squicked me out to read those scenes. I sort of wish they'd been part of the content warnings, or that they hadn't been there at all.
I wish the author luck and success, but I cannot in good conscience recommend this book in the format that I received it in as an ARC, and I am so sorry for that.
As a trans person who wants to both support trans authors and see more trans romance in the world, this novel was a disappointment to me. I want to support indie authors. I typically choose to purchase indie books new while I purchase many of my traditionally published novels secondhand because I know that sales are important to indie authors. It's part of why I sign up for ARCs; I tend to sign up for books I would have purchased with my own money, and often plan to purchase after the fact, because I want to offer authors assistance in getting their work out there if I can.
I am also aware this is an ARC and not the final copy of this book, but I can only review what I was given, and what I was given honestly read like a hot mess to me.
The prose of this ARC contained many sentence structure errors and misplaced commas, so much so that I had to reread several sentences to ensure what they were telling me. Commas are often used for flavor by many authors to create a rhythm and flow in their text, but I found many of the commas actively disrupting the rhythm of the sentences instead. It slowed my reading of the text significantly and made it more difficult to understand, an issue I have not encountered before. There were also typos that made me stumble several times, and occasionally have to reread a page or two to see if I was missing context for something that seemed wrong.
And this is just personal preference, but I did nearly DNF the book when Sol has two sex scenes with a female nymph in the woods prior to ever talking to Yohan about his identity. I read and enjoy M/F, as is visible in my review history, but I did not expect it when I signed up to read an M/M novel, and it squicked me out to read those scenes. I sort of wish they'd been part of the content warnings, or that they hadn't been there at all.
I wish the author luck and success, but I cannot in good conscience recommend this book in the format that I received it in as an ARC, and I am so sorry for that.
Read
February 20, 2025DNF 25% environs j'accroche pas avec le style de l'auteur. La relation est saine et mignonne peut être un peu trop idéale et lisse à mon goût mais je sais que ce genre de récit fait du bien aux personnes concernées, so just not for me and it's okay !! 🫶🏻
February 10, 2025
Sweet and silly. Lots of redundant dialogue.
Enjoyed all the acceptance Sol received.
Enjoyed all the acceptance Sol received.
August 12, 2025
I was super excited for this book, but mostly just found myself disappointed at the lack of really anything in this book. It was lacking in plot, character development, world building and descriptions. It just felt super flat to me :/
December 14, 2024
*I got this as an ARC review*
Beau Van Dalen never fails to bring trans joy with their books. I love the Prince’s Guards series but I think I have a new favorite! To Wield the Darkest Night was so good and I loved that it was about a trans man who was started his transition at the beginning of the book. You don’t really see that concept often and I absolutely LOVED how we got to see Sol grow into the person he’s meant to be with Yohan by his side supporting him. As a trans man myself, it was so refreshing to see another trans man find his own joy in life (while in a super cool fantasy setting too!!!)
If you enjoy any of Van Dalen’s books or if you enjoy reading trans and queer joy with some fantasy then you’re going to love this book! I highly recommend it!!
(On a side note: this book really helped me through a tough time when my brother was in the hospital after a motorcycle accident. Reading is my way of distracting myself for a little bit when I need to and this book just sucked me in. To Wield the Darkest Night deserves ALL of the recognition and I will definitely be buying my own official copy)
Beau Van Dalen never fails to bring trans joy with their books. I love the Prince’s Guards series but I think I have a new favorite! To Wield the Darkest Night was so good and I loved that it was about a trans man who was started his transition at the beginning of the book. You don’t really see that concept often and I absolutely LOVED how we got to see Sol grow into the person he’s meant to be with Yohan by his side supporting him. As a trans man myself, it was so refreshing to see another trans man find his own joy in life (while in a super cool fantasy setting too!!!)
If you enjoy any of Van Dalen’s books or if you enjoy reading trans and queer joy with some fantasy then you’re going to love this book! I highly recommend it!!
(On a side note: this book really helped me through a tough time when my brother was in the hospital after a motorcycle accident. Reading is my way of distracting myself for a little bit when I need to and this book just sucked me in. To Wield the Darkest Night deserves ALL of the recognition and I will definitely be buying my own official copy)
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