How to Have Rewarding Relationships

by Dale Carnegie

How to Have Rewarding Relationships

Genres: Self Help, Personal Development, Nonfiction, Relationships, Audiobook

300 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Dale Carnegie was an American writer and teacher of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), Lincoln the Unknown (1932), and several other books.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.

Reviews

[Gratian Lascu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Am lasat-o cand mai aveam 50 de pagini pana la final. Aproape 9 luni mi-a luat decizia asta... Daca ai mai citit inainte alte carti de acest gen atunci nu te baga, e mai mult pentru incepatori sau pentru cei care au nevoie de un refresh.

[Danielius Goriunovas · Rating 1 out of 5]

Manipuliuoti kviečianti knyga, parašyta perdėtai gausių pavyzdžių prigrūstu stiliumi.

[Socrate · Rating 2 out of 5]

Există în personalitatea oamenilor ceva anume care scapă fotografului, pe care pictorul nu-l poate reproduce, iar sculptorul nu-l poate reda cu dalta. Acest subtil ceva, pe care toți îl simțim, dar care nu poate fi descris, pe care nici un biograf nu l-a menționat vreodată în vreo carte, are mult de-a face cu succesul în viață.
Unele personalități sunt mai presus de simpla frumusețe fizică și mai puternice decât cunoștințele dobândite. Charisma, acel farmec special pe care îl răspândesc unii oameni, poate avea influență asupra celor mai puternice caractere, iar uneori poate chiar să controleze destinul națiunilor.
Oamenii care posedă această putere magnetică ne influ­ențează în mod inconștient. În momentul în care ne aflăm în prezența lor, ne simțim în largul nostru. Ei descătușează în noi posibilități de care, până atunci, nu eram conștienți. Orizontul nostru se lărgește; simțim o nouă putere trezindu-se în ființa noastră; avem un sentiment de ușurare, ca și când o mare greutate, ce ne-a apăsat mult timp, a fost îndepărtată. Nu ar fi minunat dacă oamenii ar reacționa față de tine în acest fel?
Mare parte din farmecul unei persoane cu magnetism provine din stilul său rafinat, cultivat. Tactul este și el un element foarte important. Trebuie să știm exact ce avem de făcut și să putem face exact ceea ce trebuie la momentul oportun. Judecata solidă și simțul realității nu trebuie să le lipsească celor care încearcă să dobândească această putere magică. Bunul-gust este, de asemenea, unul dintre elementele charismei.
Trăsăturile personalității pot fi dobândite. Oamenii nu au fost toți creați egali. Trebuie să recunoaștem că nu toți au același nivel de inteligență, putere fizică sau nivel de energie, dar, cu efort, toți pot deveni charismatici. Poți alege să lucrezi la dezvoltarea trăsăturilor personalității pe care dorești să o capeți. Cheia constă în râvnă și perseverență.

[Lídia · Rating 3 out of 5]

· Summary
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
- Criticism always return home, and the person who we are going to correct or condemn will probably justify itself and condemn us in return
- Wrongdoers blame anybody but themselves
2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want
-List of most desired things:
Health and the preservation of life
Food
Sleep
Money
Life in hereafter
Sexual gratification
Well-being of your children
Feeling of importance
3. Arouse in the other person an eager need or want.
- When fishing bait the hook with worms not chocolate, even we rather the second one the fish prefer the first

WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
- You make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you
2. Smile.
- You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you
- Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Name as many people by first name as you can, they will feel important to you and will be more pleased by you
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Listen intently
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Meet the subject your visitor most likes before meeting with him
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
- Make a person go home walking on air
- Ask yourself, what is there about him I can honestly admire

HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSTANTLY
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Keep the disagreement from becoming an argument
2. Show respect for other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are going to prove anything don’t let anybody know it, do it subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
- A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- begin by emphasizing the things on which you agree keep your oponent from saying ‘NO’
6. Let the other person do a a great deal of the talking.
- Ask them questions, let them tell you a few things
- Don’t interrupt even if disagree
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- We prefer to chose than to be commanded
- Make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusion
- We have much more faith in ideas that we discover for ourselves
8. Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view.
- Be wise, tolerant and exceptional, and try to understand
- Try honestly to put yourself in his shoes
9. By synthetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Apologize and sympathize with the other point of view and they will do so with you
- I don’t blame you one iota for feelings as you do. If I where you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
10. Appeal to the other nobler motives.
- Listen to the story they have to tell and then adjust yours to match theirs
11. Dramatize your ideas.
- Exaggerate and sometimes add or keep the gossip around
12. Throw down a challenge.
- The way to get things done is to stimulate competition

BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUING RESENTMENT
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- The way you say it will make the difference
- In changing people without giving offers or arousing resentment
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults the person critizising begins by humbly admitting that he is far from impeccable.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Make orders palatable
- Stimulate their creativity
5. Let the other person save face.
- “Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime”
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your appreciation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Give a dog a good name
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Be liberal with your encouragement
- Let the other person know that you have fait in his ability to do it
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
- Making people glad to do what you want
+ Be sincere
+ Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do
+ Be empathetic
+ Consider the benefits to the others person’s wants
+ When you make a request put it in a form that will convey to the other person idea that he personally will benefit.
(Carnegie, 1937)

· Personal opinion about content.
He puts too many examples of American Presidents and Vice-presidents like Lincoln, Roosevelt or Rockefeller, which for my taste is too repetitive and now I don’t want to know anything from Lincoln for at least the next three years.
Some stories are very long and don’t go straight to the point, and I want to skip them but I have to keep on an eye not to miss the important information.

· Knowledge gained.
My favorite principle is SMILE, and now I keep it more present in my head
To not interrupt when you disagree, which I sometimes tend to do.
To tell people by first name, I always had trouble to remember someones name at first but once I interiorized I tend to never forget.

· Book complementation
- Dialoge by William Isaacs
- I Ain’t Much, Baby-But I’m All I Got by Jess Lair
- How To Turn People Into Gold by Kenneth M. Goode
- Getting Through To People by Dr Gerald S. Niremberg

[Lídia · Rating 3 out of 5]

HANDLING PEOPLE
1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
- Criticism always return home, and the person who we are going to correct or condemn will probably justify itself and condemn us in return
- Wrongdoers blame anybody but themselves
2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want
-List of most desired things:
Health and the preservation of life
Food
Sleep
Money
Life in hereafter
Sexual gratification
Well-being of your children
Feeling of importance
3. Arouse in the other person an eager need or want.
- When fishing bait the hook with worms not chocolate, even we rather the second one the fish prefer the first

WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
- You make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you
2. Smile.
- You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you
- Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Name as many people by first name as you can, they will feel important to you and will be more pleased by you
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Listen intently
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Meet the subject your visitor most likes before meeting with him
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
- Make a person go home walking on air
- Ask yourself, what is there about him I can honestly admire

HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSTANTLY
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Keep the disagreement from becoming an argument
2. Show respect for other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are going to prove anything don’t let anybody know it, do it subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
- A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- begin by emphasizing the things on which you agree keep your oponent from saying ‘NO’
6. Let the other person do a a great deal of the talking.
- Ask them questions, let them tell you a few things
- Don’t interrupt even if disagree
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- We prefer to chose than to be commanded
- Make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusion
- We have much more faith in ideas that we discover for ourselves
8. Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view.
- Be wise, tolerant and exceptional, and try to understand
- Try honestly to put yourself in his shoes
9. By synthetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Apologize and sympathize with the other point of view and they will do so with you
- I don’t blame you one iota for feelings as you do. If I where you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
10. Appeal to the other nobler motives.
- Listen to the story they have to tell and then adjust yours to match theirs
11. Dramatize your ideas.
- Exaggerate and sometimes add or keep the gossip around
12. Throw down a challenge.
- The way to get things done is to stimulate competition

BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUING RESENTMENT
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- The way you say it will make the difference
- In changing people without giving offers or arousing resentment
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults the person critizising begins by humbly admitting that he is far from impeccable.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Make orders palatable
- Stimulate their creativity
5. Let the other person save face.
- “Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime”
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your appreciation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Give a dog a good name
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Be liberal with your encouragement
- Let the other person know that you have fait in his ability to do it
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
- Making people glad to do what you want
+ Be sincere
+ Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do
+ Be empathetic
+ Consider the benefits to the others person’s wants
+ When you make a request put it in a form that will convey to the other person idea that he personally will benefit.
(Carnegie, 1937)

· Personal opinion about content.
He puts too many examples of American Presidents and Vice-presidents like Lincoln, Roosevelt or Rockefeller, which for my taste is too repetitive and now I don’t want to know anything from Lincoln for at least the next three years.
Some stories are very long and don’t go straight to the point, and I want to skip them but I have to keep on an eye not to miss the important information.

· Knowledge gained.
My favorite principle is SMILE, and now I keep it more present in my head
To not interrupt when you disagree, which I sometimes tend to do.
To tell people by first name, I always had trouble to remember someones name at first but once I interiorized I tend to never forget.

· Book complementation
- Dialoge by William Isaacs
- I Ain’t Much, Baby-But I’m All I Got by Jess Lair
- How To Turn People Into Gold by Kenneth M. Goode
- Getting Through To People by Dr Gerald S. Niremberg

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.75
Przeciętna. Mam wrażenie, że cały czas było wałkowane to samo w kółko. Niemniej dowiedziałam się kilku ciekawych faktów, które mogą być pomocne w życiu codziennym. Ponadto miałam nadzieję, że będzie tyczyła się głównie relacji międzyludzkich w szerokim znaczeniu tego wyrażenia, na co zresztą wskazywał opis, jednak niestety autor skupił się na relacji przełożony-podwładny. Sprawiło to, że czułam się, jakbym czytała podręcznik do zarządzania zasobami ludzkimi.

[Omar Hasnnin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing new just repeated information pertaining the importance of friendships and methodologies of establishing them. Same things Dale says in his previous books. If you have read any book for him before, then don't read this one it's just a repeated thing.

[Anush Balasanyan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Интересная книга, с хорошими примерами, но надо понимать что методы можно использовать в любом случае жизни а не только как на примерах. Можно научиться несколькими методами или подтвердить то что уже знал но не был уверен

[Ludmila Gomoja · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nu aş spune că m-a captivat foarte tare, nici nu am ajuns până la sfârşit :) Parcă majoritatea cărţilor ce le-am citit scrise de Dale Carnegie se aseamana intre ele... Exemple de experieţele diferitor oameni din diferite domenii..

[latrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sukses Menjalin Relasi by Dale Carnegie offers timeless principles for building strong, positive relationships, emphasizing the importance of effective communication, empathy, and genuine interest in others to foster success in both personal and professional life.

[Faizal Kamil · Rating 1 out of 5]

Textbook on how to become a decent social person and how to become a better employer/employee. Mostly about how to communicate with people in the workplace. Too textbooky for me. I would enjoy it more if it were more like a story or a comprehensive point of view in each case.

[Ovidiu Oltean · Rating 1 out of 5]

Groaznic de plictisitoare!
Daca ai cei 7 ani de acasa, e degeaba cartea.
Plina de platitudini gen "consumul de zahar, sare si grasimi dauneaza grav sanatatii".
Pierdere de vreme.

[Pinzy Pecere · Rating 5 out of 5]

Davvero interessante

[z_uzia · Rating 4 out of 5]

3,75

[Julka · Rating 2 out of 5]

nic odkrywczego

[Kristo Epner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy reading to understand the basics of the communication with others.

[Deja · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing new to me was said in this book. Maybe it's because Dale started his philosophy long time ago and now it seems like something that we all know. At the time he was alive these things were probably a revolution.

[Edward Edberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

so much lessons about relatioship =D

[Anastasiia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Действительно много КОНКРЕТНЫХ советов. Я бы сказала, что 80% из них это советы для руководителей компаний/рабочих.

[Inchi Onbu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cukup memberikan pandangan baru mengenai bagaimana harus bersikap dan berhubungan dengan orang lain, tapi bahasa yang digunakan cukup kaku sehingga kurang luwes dibacanya