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Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths
Single women are neither unloved nor forgotten. Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths combats the lies that destroy the joy and confidence of unmarried women.
In her groundbreaking book, Allison Flexer dispels the following myths surrounding single women:
1. Because no one has chosen me, I'm not valuable.
2. God has forgotten about me .
3. Sex outside of marriage is okay.
4. My past can't be forgiven.
5. I'm not beautiful.
6. Getting married will solve all my problems.
7. There is something wrong with me.
8. The church values married people more than me.
9. It's too late for God's plan to work so I should settle for less.
10. My life is on hold until I find a spouse.
Single women will gain practical steps to accept and believe God's truth and why Flexer says the question, Who am I? is best answered by asking, Who is God?
In her groundbreaking book, Allison Flexer dispels the following myths surrounding single women:
1. Because no one has chosen me, I'm not valuable.
2. God has forgotten about me .
3. Sex outside of marriage is okay.
4. My past can't be forgiven.
5. I'm not beautiful.
6. Getting married will solve all my problems.
7. There is something wrong with me.
8. The church values married people more than me.
9. It's too late for God's plan to work so I should settle for less.
10. My life is on hold until I find a spouse.
Single women will gain practical steps to accept and believe God's truth and why Flexer says the question, Who am I? is best answered by asking, Who is God?
160 pages, Paperback
First published September 21, 2014
1 person is currently reading
282 people want to read
About the author
Allison K. Flexer
1 book4 followersAllison K. Flexer is passionate about encouraging single women in their journeys of faith and communicating the love of God to others. As a single woman until the age of 38, she fought her share of lies and learned to replace them with God’s truth.
Allison’s first book, Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths, is now available from Beacon Hill Press. The book is designed to combat common lies that destroy the joy and confidence of single women. As each myth is dispelled with truth from God’s word, readers are challenged to deepen their faith while accepting their value as beloved children of God.
Allison was a contributing writer for Devotional Ventures (Regal Books, 2006), and a contributing writer for Fulfilled: The NIV Devotional Bible for the Single Woman (Zondervan, 2014). She has also published articles in the Wesleyan Publishing House periodical, VISTA: Journal for Holy Living, and on Crosswalk.com.
Allison’s first book, Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths, is now available from Beacon Hill Press. The book is designed to combat common lies that destroy the joy and confidence of single women. As each myth is dispelled with truth from God’s word, readers are challenged to deepen their faith while accepting their value as beloved children of God.
Allison was a contributing writer for Devotional Ventures (Regal Books, 2006), and a contributing writer for Fulfilled: The NIV Devotional Bible for the Single Woman (Zondervan, 2014). She has also published articles in the Wesleyan Publishing House periodical, VISTA: Journal for Holy Living, and on Crosswalk.com.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
September 9, 2014
Thanks to Beacon Hill and Netgalley for the ARC!
As a single Christian woman in my mid-thirties, I'm excited to see more books like this on the market. Even though the first half didn't really resonate with me (we all struggle in different areas, after all, and thanks to the grace of God most of these issues aren't bringing me down at this point), I did find that Myth 8 really resonated: "The church values married people more than me." I say this not because it's true in every church necessarily, but because I've seen it play out badly in many situations and had lots of discussions on this topic with other single friends. I feel that an entire book could be written on that issue alone! (If anybody knows of a book that explores that topic, please do let me know so that I can read it!)
In this book there is much said of "future husbands," which isn't necessarily bad except that implicit in such statements is the underlying assumption that every Christian woman will get married at some point. To be fair, most of them will... and there are points in the book at which the concept of lifetime singleness is briefly addressed (the fact that Paul and Jesus were single is discussed, and so forth), but apart from these narrow sections, the influence of the underlying assumption remains. I think a short capstone at the end to the effect of "You know what? You may never get married. Some people just don't! And that's okay!" would have been the icing on the cake.
As a single Christian woman in my mid-thirties, I'm excited to see more books like this on the market. Even though the first half didn't really resonate with me (we all struggle in different areas, after all, and thanks to the grace of God most of these issues aren't bringing me down at this point), I did find that Myth 8 really resonated: "The church values married people more than me." I say this not because it's true in every church necessarily, but because I've seen it play out badly in many situations and had lots of discussions on this topic with other single friends. I feel that an entire book could be written on that issue alone! (If anybody knows of a book that explores that topic, please do let me know so that I can read it!)
In this book there is much said of "future husbands," which isn't necessarily bad except that implicit in such statements is the underlying assumption that every Christian woman will get married at some point. To be fair, most of them will... and there are points in the book at which the concept of lifetime singleness is briefly addressed (the fact that Paul and Jesus were single is discussed, and so forth), but apart from these narrow sections, the influence of the underlying assumption remains. I think a short capstone at the end to the effect of "You know what? You may never get married. Some people just don't! And that's okay!" would have been the icing on the cake.
July 28, 2015
This book is SO encouraging.
I love the truth that it speaks.
I love that the author knows what it's like to be over 30/single/Christian. (It's so annoying to get advice about being single from someone who got married young.)
I highly recommend this to single Christian women.
I love the truth that it speaks.
I love that the author knows what it's like to be over 30/single/Christian. (It's so annoying to get advice about being single from someone who got married young.)
I highly recommend this to single Christian women.
April 3, 2015
I won this book through a Goodreads giveaway. Although I am married, I have a ton of single friends, and I myself was single for a long time before I met my husband. I was interested in what the author had to say, and she didn't disappoint. I would highly recommend this book to ANY single woman, especially Christian women. You can learn how to change your negative thinking and realize that being single isn't the worst thing in the world, that you ARE worthy and ARE lovable, and your Heavenly Father loves you more than enough. If you are single, or know someone who is and is struggling with it, please get a copy of this book.
November 3, 2014
There are numerous books on the market about being single and dating. “Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths” by Allison K. Flexer is without a doubt the best one on this topic I have ever read. I have told all of my single friends how good the book is and that they must read it! I would love to get a small group discussion together for the book.
“Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths” is awesome because it doesn’t give you a list of things to do to “catch a man” or tell you to dress a certain way, or act a certain way, or go to a certain place. (Ever read those horrible dating advice articles about meeting your significant other at a grocery store/hardware store/dog park, etc.)? This book doesn’t give a formula for how to date nor does it focus on dating advice. Instead, it brings to light common lies every single person, man or woman, has either thought to themselves or talked about with their friends. As I was reading, I was highlighting sentences like crazy because I wanted to remember everything Allison was saying! I also enjoyed that she included opinions from single men. It was interesting to see what they had to say.
Some of the chapters I felt like Allison wrote especially for me were Lie #1: Because no one has chosen me, I’m not valuable; Lie #2: God has forgotten about me; Lie # 5: I’m not beautiful; Lie # 7: There is something wrong with me; and Lie #8: The church values married people more than me. In each chapter, Allison pinpoints the lie. She shares stories from her personal experiences, and she interviews other singles whose stories she includes, as well. She applies scripture to show us the truth God gives us to combat the lies. Then she emphasizes different character traits of God, such our Provider, Hope, and Redeemer. In bulleted points at the end of each chapter, she once again brings the lie to light and shows us what women who believe this lie often say. Then, she tells us the truth of what God says and gives us a list of scripture we can take to heart to battle these lies.
My favorite chapter focused on Lie #7: There is something wrong with me. As I read, I realized that I have said or thought these sentiments. It was almost as if I had talked to Allison because she knew exactly how I was feeling. Some of my favorite quotes from this chapter included:
“In the midst of difficult circumstances, Ruth showed loyalty to Naomi, faith in God’s plan, and enormous courage. It is possible that God will also provide the same courage, determination, and faith for your specific journey? Is it feasible that there’s really nothing wrong with you, but instead, that God has placed you in this place for a purpose, one that only you can accomplish? Even if we don’t fully understand what God is doing, we need to trust his heart-trust that he truly loves us and doesn’t see us as less important. ” The truth in this chapter says “You have been made by God for a purpose. Your loving Father will equip you with everything you need along the way.” I also love the description in this chapter of God as our Abba, our Papa.
Although this book is written with singles in mind, I would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone. Over and over again, “Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths” emphasizes that God loves us unconditionally, eternally, no matter what and desires a relationship with us. Nothing besides a personal relationship with God can fill the void we have in our lives. Whether married or single, everyone can relate to this truth.
I received a copy of this book through NetGalley for my honest, unbiased opinion.
“Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths” is awesome because it doesn’t give you a list of things to do to “catch a man” or tell you to dress a certain way, or act a certain way, or go to a certain place. (Ever read those horrible dating advice articles about meeting your significant other at a grocery store/hardware store/dog park, etc.)? This book doesn’t give a formula for how to date nor does it focus on dating advice. Instead, it brings to light common lies every single person, man or woman, has either thought to themselves or talked about with their friends. As I was reading, I was highlighting sentences like crazy because I wanted to remember everything Allison was saying! I also enjoyed that she included opinions from single men. It was interesting to see what they had to say.
Some of the chapters I felt like Allison wrote especially for me were Lie #1: Because no one has chosen me, I’m not valuable; Lie #2: God has forgotten about me; Lie # 5: I’m not beautiful; Lie # 7: There is something wrong with me; and Lie #8: The church values married people more than me. In each chapter, Allison pinpoints the lie. She shares stories from her personal experiences, and she interviews other singles whose stories she includes, as well. She applies scripture to show us the truth God gives us to combat the lies. Then she emphasizes different character traits of God, such our Provider, Hope, and Redeemer. In bulleted points at the end of each chapter, she once again brings the lie to light and shows us what women who believe this lie often say. Then, she tells us the truth of what God says and gives us a list of scripture we can take to heart to battle these lies.
My favorite chapter focused on Lie #7: There is something wrong with me. As I read, I realized that I have said or thought these sentiments. It was almost as if I had talked to Allison because she knew exactly how I was feeling. Some of my favorite quotes from this chapter included:
“In the midst of difficult circumstances, Ruth showed loyalty to Naomi, faith in God’s plan, and enormous courage. It is possible that God will also provide the same courage, determination, and faith for your specific journey? Is it feasible that there’s really nothing wrong with you, but instead, that God has placed you in this place for a purpose, one that only you can accomplish? Even if we don’t fully understand what God is doing, we need to trust his heart-trust that he truly loves us and doesn’t see us as less important. ” The truth in this chapter says “You have been made by God for a purpose. Your loving Father will equip you with everything you need along the way.” I also love the description in this chapter of God as our Abba, our Papa.
Although this book is written with singles in mind, I would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone. Over and over again, “Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman: Dispelling 10 Common Myths” emphasizes that God loves us unconditionally, eternally, no matter what and desires a relationship with us. Nothing besides a personal relationship with God can fill the void we have in our lives. Whether married or single, everyone can relate to this truth.
I received a copy of this book through NetGalley for my honest, unbiased opinion.
August 29, 2014
Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman is different from your typical relationship/singles book, it isn't about how to find the perfect person, or how to be the perfect person, or even about waiting for him to come around, and maybe best of all it isn't written by someone who is married.
I can't tell you how many books I read about relationships and waiting for your future husband to show up when I was a teenager and all of the books were written by people who had been married for years or who had married right out of college or high school. And I honestly couldn't relate to that.
But this book is different, in a good way. One of my favorite things about this book is that it talks about how being single is not a bad thing. It doesn't make you less of a person, and while I know this sometimes it is great to have a reminder with great biblical examples, like how Paul talked at length about how being single is actually preferable! And also don't wait to pursue your goals or follow God until you are married, do it now.
So many books I've read in the past are about waiting for The One, and biding your time until you find them. But is that really a realistic thing to tell people? Honestly, I've always kind of had the mindset that I'm not gonna sit on my behind waiting for what may or may not happen, but after reading this book I felt reaffirmed in that mindset. Because it's so easy to buy into the lies, and put your life on hold. But though this book may seem simple to most, and we say we know the lies and that they aren't true, there is something powerful in reading or hearing the truth about these subjects from someone else who has been through it too.
As I read through this book, I was encouraged and affirmed in my worth and my choices. And while not all of these lies applied to me personally, I could relate. If I could give this book to every single Christian (hopefully they wouldn't be offended) I would. Ms. Flexer speaks honestly about the struggles and temptations to believe the lies like, "Because no one has chosen me, I'm not valuable." But she also exposes the truth, with scripture and experience.
This is definitely a book that I would recommend. I enjoyed it immensely!
I can't tell you how many books I read about relationships and waiting for your future husband to show up when I was a teenager and all of the books were written by people who had been married for years or who had married right out of college or high school. And I honestly couldn't relate to that.
But this book is different, in a good way. One of my favorite things about this book is that it talks about how being single is not a bad thing. It doesn't make you less of a person, and while I know this sometimes it is great to have a reminder with great biblical examples, like how Paul talked at length about how being single is actually preferable! And also don't wait to pursue your goals or follow God until you are married, do it now.
So many books I've read in the past are about waiting for The One, and biding your time until you find them. But is that really a realistic thing to tell people? Honestly, I've always kind of had the mindset that I'm not gonna sit on my behind waiting for what may or may not happen, but after reading this book I felt reaffirmed in that mindset. Because it's so easy to buy into the lies, and put your life on hold. But though this book may seem simple to most, and we say we know the lies and that they aren't true, there is something powerful in reading or hearing the truth about these subjects from someone else who has been through it too.
As I read through this book, I was encouraged and affirmed in my worth and my choices. And while not all of these lies applied to me personally, I could relate. If I could give this book to every single Christian (hopefully they wouldn't be offended) I would. Ms. Flexer speaks honestly about the struggles and temptations to believe the lies like, "Because no one has chosen me, I'm not valuable." But she also exposes the truth, with scripture and experience.
This is definitely a book that I would recommend. I enjoyed it immensely!
October 28, 2016
Single life is hard. How can there be a purpose in it?
There are a lot of question for a single Christian woman to face. The authoress Allison Flexer is describing the 10 myths which we are hurting from and fighting and sharing the truth to replace these lies with.
The myths are:
Lie #1: Because no one has chosen me, I’m not valuable.
Lie #2: God has forgotten about me.
Lie #3: Sex outside of marriage is okay.
Lie #4: My past can’t be forgiven.
Lie #5: I’m not beautiful.
Lie #6: Getting married will solve all my problems.
Lie #7: There is something wrong with me.
Lie #8: The church values married people more than me.
Lie #9: It’s too late for me, so I should settle.
Lie #10: My life is on hold until I find a spouse.
I have faced some of these and I have been quite okay with the others (after all, this is a very personal experience - and not just in the area of the marital status). But I am pretty sure that every woman (and even a man) has faced one or more of the painful questions and asked: why, when, where and how?
These questions are hard and this kind of pain might be unknown to these which are not living the single life reality. But Allison Flexer is not hiding behind the mask and is honestly and vulnerably sharing her pain. And her hope. and mostly - the wisdom she had been given.
I applaud her beautiful heart. She is obviously an introvert, so she may not build the bridges with her readers so easily like her fellow authoress Mandy Hale, but her pure heart and the depth of her love for Christ is shining consistently. Allison is very personal, sharing her stories/her friends stories, her struggles and the wisdom she has gained within the single life.
I gained a lot of hope from the messages of the God´s love - because this is what we all need, right? To believe God is loving us personally, knows the desires of our hearts and has THE plan. Even is believing and waiting on God is hard (and it IS hard sometimes).
I felt most connected to these chapters:
Lie #5: I’m not beautiful.
Lie #7: There is something wrong with me.
Lie #8: The church values married people more than me.
Lie #9: It’s too late for me, so I should settle.
And the bonus (chapter "Single Men Respond") is a pure gold.
Recommended read.
There are a lot of question for a single Christian woman to face. The authoress Allison Flexer is describing the 10 myths which we are hurting from and fighting and sharing the truth to replace these lies with.
The myths are:
Lie #1: Because no one has chosen me, I’m not valuable.
Lie #2: God has forgotten about me.
Lie #3: Sex outside of marriage is okay.
Lie #4: My past can’t be forgiven.
Lie #5: I’m not beautiful.
Lie #6: Getting married will solve all my problems.
Lie #7: There is something wrong with me.
Lie #8: The church values married people more than me.
Lie #9: It’s too late for me, so I should settle.
Lie #10: My life is on hold until I find a spouse.
I have faced some of these and I have been quite okay with the others (after all, this is a very personal experience - and not just in the area of the marital status). But I am pretty sure that every woman (and even a man) has faced one or more of the painful questions and asked: why, when, where and how?
These questions are hard and this kind of pain might be unknown to these which are not living the single life reality. But Allison Flexer is not hiding behind the mask and is honestly and vulnerably sharing her pain. And her hope. and mostly - the wisdom she had been given.
I applaud her beautiful heart. She is obviously an introvert, so she may not build the bridges with her readers so easily like her fellow authoress Mandy Hale, but her pure heart and the depth of her love for Christ is shining consistently. Allison is very personal, sharing her stories/her friends stories, her struggles and the wisdom she has gained within the single life.
I gained a lot of hope from the messages of the God´s love - because this is what we all need, right? To believe God is loving us personally, knows the desires of our hearts and has THE plan. Even is believing and waiting on God is hard (and it IS hard sometimes).
I felt most connected to these chapters:
Lie #5: I’m not beautiful.
Lie #7: There is something wrong with me.
Lie #8: The church values married people more than me.
Lie #9: It’s too late for me, so I should settle.
And the bonus (chapter "Single Men Respond") is a pure gold.
Recommended read.
November 22, 2015
In Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman Allison Flexer dispels 10 myths surrounding single women. Allison tells us about her own life and times that were difficult for her. She also includes stories and quotes of other single women, biblical references, results of a survey and she challenges you to reflect on your own life.
I'm glad this book isn't about how to prepare yourself for finding a spouse. It's about lies single woman believe that replace the truth of God. It's good to remember that every time we doubt God's plan or God's love for us, the devil is planting these lies in our head. Personally, I don't struggle with all the lies mentioned in this book but I do think these are the most common lies single woman believe. If you stand strong with God and know God's truth, then these lies can't bring you down.
This book isn't just for single women, it's for anyone who wants to help single women remember God's truth and understand their struggles.
Big thanks to Beacon Hill Press for giving me an ARC via Netgalley!
I'm glad this book isn't about how to prepare yourself for finding a spouse. It's about lies single woman believe that replace the truth of God. It's good to remember that every time we doubt God's plan or God's love for us, the devil is planting these lies in our head. Personally, I don't struggle with all the lies mentioned in this book but I do think these are the most common lies single woman believe. If you stand strong with God and know God's truth, then these lies can't bring you down.
This book isn't just for single women, it's for anyone who wants to help single women remember God's truth and understand their struggles.
Big thanks to Beacon Hill Press for giving me an ARC via Netgalley!
February 14, 2015
Obviously written for women, but some of the concepts translate for men as well, albeit with some differences. For example: "Lie #1: Because no one has chosen me, I am not valuable." Since, in most cases, the men do the choosing, the word "choose" would have to be transcribed as "rejected" as in "because I was rejected, I am not valuable." With that in mind, much of what Allison writes in that chapter can relate to men with the ultimate answer the same for both men and women: God has chosen us, and God does not reject us. Many other chapters and concepts can relate as well. We're not attractive enough is another one that transcends gender. Most men probably do not compare themselves to other men the same way that women tend to do with other women, but the bottom line is the same. We wish we could be better looking than we are and may believe that some of our rejection is due to that. As a fifty-seven-year-old male who has always been single, I find that Allison's book holds a great deal of truth and is well grounded in the Scriptures that dispel the lies.
October 17, 2014
Allison’s style is relatable and compassionate, open and understandable. The book reads well, has quick bullet-point lists for review, and includes journal pages for personal reflection. Although the book is tailored for the single woman, it has truths applicable to any age or marital status. When we see our worth in God’s eyes, then we are free to find joy in either singleness or marriage. When we accept our completion in Christ, we have confidence in living the lives He’s given us. And when we realize He meets all our needs for love, we are free to truly love the people He places in our lives. Overall—don’t miss this book!
May 5, 2015
This author has truly gotten to the heart of single women and the lies they tell themselves. You can really feel that Ms. Flexer has experienced all of these negative feelings, and has come to an understanding of both herself and the nature of God. Though this book is intended for single women, Christians of all marital statuses would benefit from reading it.
This book would be a wonderful gift for college students and young singles, as well as a great Bible study text.
This book would be a wonderful gift for college students and young singles, as well as a great Bible study text.
November 1, 2014
This is a great book, not just for single women, but for women in unhealthy relationships, young women, teens, etc... There are life lessons in here that we need to be teaching our daughters and I will certainly be passing this book on to mine... I have also recommended it to the Pastor's Wife for a Young Women's Bible Study, I am so glad I read this book!
December 14, 2014
This book isn't only for single women. Personally, it served as a refresher or a revival for my way of thinking. I find myself 'socially-accepting' things I once held strong for. Reading this book reminded me where i need to stand and how i need to be.. Thank you!!
September 25, 2014
Love it!
May 18, 2015
Best book I've ever read for singles with a Christian perspective!
October 29, 2021
My favorite thing about this book is that the author ACTUALLY understands singleness- especially singleness into your late 20s and 30s. Because of that, this book felt very accessible, honest, and genuinely helpful. I especially enjoyed the quotes at the end from all the single men, all of whom understand and, dare I say it, feel the same way themselves!
I am only 27, but the author was single until she was 38. It gave me great comfort to know that she truly knows what it feels like to wait, to feel left out at church, to see all of your friends get married and fight giving up hope. If she could be ten years older than where I am now, and still see God bring about the husband that she prayed and longed for, then there is certainly hope for me!. And now she even has children!
That being said, the advice in this book tended toward general, run-of-the-mill, "Trust God more and stay pure and eventually MAYBE he MIGHT grant you what you want" advice that I have seen recycled over plenty of other books oriented toward single women. My all-time favorite, Stephanie May Wilson, has more robust things to say on the topic, and this book felt like a supplementary material to what I've been reading over the last year already.
The chapter on "The church values married people more than me" NEEDS to be read by married people, not singles. There's so much talk about offering them love and grace when they say hurtful or ignorant things; what about married people being told to be considerate and not cause their brother/sister to stumble by being all over each other in church or making more of an effort to present messages on singleness and value as individuals.
Sorry. I get a little feisty about that topic. :'D
Anyway, generally a well-rounded book with lots of nuggets of wisdom and a safe haven for single women to feel whatever they feel, with some solid biblical encouragement to back it all up. There's even a few stories that I'll take with me in to my continuing journey.
I will probably not be returning to it for re-reads, but I enjoyed my time while it lasted.
I am only 27, but the author was single until she was 38. It gave me great comfort to know that she truly knows what it feels like to wait, to feel left out at church, to see all of your friends get married and fight giving up hope. If she could be ten years older than where I am now, and still see God bring about the husband that she prayed and longed for, then there is certainly hope for me!. And now she even has children!
That being said, the advice in this book tended toward general, run-of-the-mill, "Trust God more and stay pure and eventually MAYBE he MIGHT grant you what you want" advice that I have seen recycled over plenty of other books oriented toward single women. My all-time favorite, Stephanie May Wilson, has more robust things to say on the topic, and this book felt like a supplementary material to what I've been reading over the last year already.
The chapter on "The church values married people more than me" NEEDS to be read by married people, not singles. There's so much talk about offering them love and grace when they say hurtful or ignorant things; what about married people being told to be considerate and not cause their brother/sister to stumble by being all over each other in church or making more of an effort to present messages on singleness and value as individuals.
Sorry. I get a little feisty about that topic. :'D
Anyway, generally a well-rounded book with lots of nuggets of wisdom and a safe haven for single women to feel whatever they feel, with some solid biblical encouragement to back it all up. There's even a few stories that I'll take with me in to my continuing journey.
I will probably not be returning to it for re-reads, but I enjoyed my time while it lasted.
October 16, 2014
I received a copy of this title from Netgalley. It does not impact my review.
I don’t normally read non-fiction books and especially not those that appear to fall into the self-help category. When I saw this on NetGalley it reminded me of some posts I saw on Facebook not too long ago about this very topic, so I thought I’d check it out. Also, I am almost 31 and chronically single.
What I liked best about this book is that it was not, “10 lies keeping you from finding a spouse” or “stop believing these lies and you’ll get married!”. It focused on 10 lies/myths that single women may believe about themselves and the harm these lies can cause to our psyches and then the truth that we should believe to live a fuller and happier life. AND this full and happy life does not necessarily involve marriage.
While this book is obviously focused on singledom/marriage, the lessons can also be applied to many other areas of life. Not having the job, lifestyle, or friendships that we want can also cause us to believe things like “God has forgotten about me”, “There is something wrong with me”, or “It’s too late for God’s plan to work so I should settle for less.”
Basically the Truths to combat these lies all fall under the umbrella of trusting in God. The author acknowledges that this is often much harder than it sounds. But by building a relationship with God we can learn to give up control and recognize that He has a plan for our lives, and there is a reason that we are going through the things that we are, or not having the things that we want. Flexer uses scripture to back up all of her claims, as well as help guide the reader into how exactly to go about accomplishing this.
For me personally, the following excerpt had the greatest impact:
"During some of those darkest times, I was often drawn to these verses in Psalm 30: “Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last though the night, but joy comes with the morning” (vv. 4-5, NLT).
Honestly, that last promise made me angry. I didn’t understand it. After nights of sadness or weeping, I woke up expecting joy – sometimes demanding joy – but it wasn’t there. God, why do you keep giving me this promise of joy in the morning when I can’t find my way out of the darkness?
Over time, I learned that God’s definition of “night” is different from ours. Our night of weeping may go on for months or even years. His timing is not our timing, and his ways are not our ways. On those dark days when life doesn’t seem very abundant, God is with us in the darkness and through the weeping. “Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light” (Micah 7:8b).
And God will bring joy in the morning. It’s a promise and you can cling to it…"
I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I’ve been told basically that I suffer from these things due to the sin in my life and God is punishing me. My faith in God has been denounced by others because of it. Not the best way to help one get over these things, let me tell you. But this passage helps to explain what I feel and believe. God does not promise a perfect life. He does not promise that there won’t be weeping or dark times. However, He does have a plan for our lives and He promises joy. Whatever I’m going through, He will eventually bring me through it – even if it may take months or years. And just like someone’s current state of singleness, it’s part of God’s plan.
Overall, I found Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman to be an interesting read. It is obviously a faith based read, so those that do not believe may not enjoy it, but I think that regardless of ones faith, we all believe these lies some times and it would be helpful to realize that you’re not alone. While this book is geared towards women who struggle with the idea of always being single, it offers insights into many other aspects of life and it really spoke to me in regards to my depression and anxiety. I would recommend this book to those who are struggling with being content with where their lives are currently at. I think I would give this book about 3.5 stars.
I don’t normally read non-fiction books and especially not those that appear to fall into the self-help category. When I saw this on NetGalley it reminded me of some posts I saw on Facebook not too long ago about this very topic, so I thought I’d check it out. Also, I am almost 31 and chronically single.
What I liked best about this book is that it was not, “10 lies keeping you from finding a spouse” or “stop believing these lies and you’ll get married!”. It focused on 10 lies/myths that single women may believe about themselves and the harm these lies can cause to our psyches and then the truth that we should believe to live a fuller and happier life. AND this full and happy life does not necessarily involve marriage.
While this book is obviously focused on singledom/marriage, the lessons can also be applied to many other areas of life. Not having the job, lifestyle, or friendships that we want can also cause us to believe things like “God has forgotten about me”, “There is something wrong with me”, or “It’s too late for God’s plan to work so I should settle for less.”
Basically the Truths to combat these lies all fall under the umbrella of trusting in God. The author acknowledges that this is often much harder than it sounds. But by building a relationship with God we can learn to give up control and recognize that He has a plan for our lives, and there is a reason that we are going through the things that we are, or not having the things that we want. Flexer uses scripture to back up all of her claims, as well as help guide the reader into how exactly to go about accomplishing this.
For me personally, the following excerpt had the greatest impact:
"During some of those darkest times, I was often drawn to these verses in Psalm 30: “Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last though the night, but joy comes with the morning” (vv. 4-5, NLT).
Honestly, that last promise made me angry. I didn’t understand it. After nights of sadness or weeping, I woke up expecting joy – sometimes demanding joy – but it wasn’t there. God, why do you keep giving me this promise of joy in the morning when I can’t find my way out of the darkness?
Over time, I learned that God’s definition of “night” is different from ours. Our night of weeping may go on for months or even years. His timing is not our timing, and his ways are not our ways. On those dark days when life doesn’t seem very abundant, God is with us in the darkness and through the weeping. “Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light” (Micah 7:8b).
And God will bring joy in the morning. It’s a promise and you can cling to it…"
I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I’ve been told basically that I suffer from these things due to the sin in my life and God is punishing me. My faith in God has been denounced by others because of it. Not the best way to help one get over these things, let me tell you. But this passage helps to explain what I feel and believe. God does not promise a perfect life. He does not promise that there won’t be weeping or dark times. However, He does have a plan for our lives and He promises joy. Whatever I’m going through, He will eventually bring me through it – even if it may take months or years. And just like someone’s current state of singleness, it’s part of God’s plan.
Overall, I found Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman to be an interesting read. It is obviously a faith based read, so those that do not believe may not enjoy it, but I think that regardless of ones faith, we all believe these lies some times and it would be helpful to realize that you’re not alone. While this book is geared towards women who struggle with the idea of always being single, it offers insights into many other aspects of life and it really spoke to me in regards to my depression and anxiety. I would recommend this book to those who are struggling with being content with where their lives are currently at. I think I would give this book about 3.5 stars.
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