The Perfect Parent: 5 Tools for Using Your Inner Perfection to Connect with Your Kids

by Roma Khetarpal

National Parenting Publications Awards (NAPPA) GOLD Award Winner!
Parents' Choice Recommended Award Winner!
Mom's Choice Gold Award Winner!

"Parents who are struggling to be the “perfect parent”—and in the process raise the “perfect child”—would do well to take some time out for this unusual guide. […] Khetarpal comes up with original and easily applied ideas that may prove lifesavers for the harried parent.” -- Publishers Weekly

"Complete with affirmation reminders and “quick takeaways” at the end of each chapter, Khetarpal’s work has some wise words for finding joy amid the chaos and keeping relationships the primary focus of our daily interactions. Enthusiastically recommended." --Library Journal

''This book offers wonderful tools to navigate the world of engaged, attuned, and conscious parenting.'' --Dr. Shefali Tsabary, clinical psychologist and author of The Conscious Parent; featured on Oprah's Lifeclass

The 'Perfect' Parent is packed with practical, easy-to-remember tips and simple strategies for establishing meaningful connections between parents and children of all ages. This book will be a huge relief for all those overwhelmed parents and maxed-out moms who want to bring out the best in themselves and their kids.'' --Dr. Christine Carter, author of Raising Happiness

''Every new parent should read this book; every grandparent-to-be should gift it to their children.'' --Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and coauthor of The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap

''Parents, you can relax! The 'Perfect' Parent reassures you that you can trust your child-raising instincts.'' --David Walsh, PhD, psychologist and author of Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen

Get ready for a parenting makeover!

If you’re a parent today, you face extreme pressure to get everything exactly “right”—a pursuit of perfection that probably makes parenting feel hard. It encourages you to worry about whether you’re doing a good enough job, and to wonder if your kids will turn out okay. 

In The “Perfect” Parent, Roma Khetarpal puts all of that agony to rest. She explains that the key to a fulfilling parenting experience is to stop chasing an ideal and instead use your inner perfection to nurture a strong, communicative connection with your children—which will lead them to be happy, think positive, and do good.

Drawing from the fields of personal growth and emotional intelligence and distilling cutting-edge scientific research, Khetarpal leads you through five communication tools designed to help parents strengthen their bond with their kids and handle the doubt, guilt, worry, and fear that often accompany the challenges of raising children. Along the way, she shares helpful, humorous real-life stories taken from the popular parenting classes she’s taught for years, as well as easy-to-remember exercises—such as “Dealing with the Feeling” and “Take Five”—for use in common family situations.

With this short, useful, and enjoyable guide, you will be equipped with the simple tools you need to build a relationship with your kids that lasts a lifetime.

Includes a “Perfect’ parent toolbox!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

224 pages, Paperback

First published September 14, 2014

Reviews

[Story Circle Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Roma Khetarpal opens The "Perfect" Parent with the premise that ALL of us parents are perfect—"we are our own children's 'perfect' parents." She goes on to point out that all of us want our kids to be happy and I agree; this is what I want for my kids, right along with being safe and healthy. As a parent educator and coach, I have found "happy" to be the most common response when I ask parents and parents-to-be about what they want for their children.

However, there is another question rarely asked and equally as important, and actually my 15-year-old asked me this the other day during the drive home from her swim meet. Why do I parent? What is in it for me? My answer to my daughter's question was that I wanted know her and to have a wonderful, evolving, healthy relationship with her throughout her life. I was rewarded with one of her fabulous puppy-hugs when we arrived home.

Instead of the typical parenting book, which provide tips and examples on anything from potty training to discipline, The "Perfect" Parent is more of a parenting makeover for us, addressing why we parent and how we can better parent our kids. The foundation speaks to connection, made possible through good communication, or "coming together." True connection brings joy and this is a state of "fulfilling happiness."

Roma explains and provides wonderful examples of the five simple communication tools—honorable parenting, approachable parenting, sensible parenting, reasonable and responsible parenting, and enjoyable and memorable parenting—throughout the remainder The "Perfect" Parent. Each chapter ends with affirmation reminders and quick takeaways. The "Perfect" Parent Toolbox at the end of the book is a wonderful go-to when the reader needs a refresher after reading the book. And please do read the entire book, regardless of if you have been parenting for decades as I have or are expecting your first child; the toolbox will be more beneficial to you if you have done so. I definitely benefitted from this refresher.

To Roma: Thank you for helping to instill confidence in parents and parents-to-be, and for helping them to understand they have all the tools to be the perfect parents for their children. Parents just need to understand them and hone them, then they and their children will benefit.

by Judy M. Miller
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

[NoScreenName · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book via Goodreads giveaways. It was even signed and personalized(so cool, it really is the little things) and this book was clearly a labor of love and many years in the making.

The author, Roma, is a parent of two (now grown) kids. Over the years so many people turned to her for parental advice and guidance she was convinced to finally share her wisdom, anecdotes and experience in a book. "What is my experience?" she asked a friend. The answer was that whatever she was doing raising her own kids not only worked well it was something other parents could easily learn to improve their lives and those of their children. And herein lays the appeal of this particular parenting book: it's relatable and extremely concise without sacrificing warmth.

There's a surfeit of parenting books out there. It's almost overwhelming picking a book that not only resonates but you can see keeping as a reference guide -the author encourages this and makes it easy; she utilizes simple bulleted 'takeaways' at the end of each chapter. At the end of the book there is the charmingly named 'Parent Toolbox' with more recaps and encouraging affirmations for parents.

This book is perfect to read if you are expecting (practice these invaluable communication tools and tips that you will use on your children on friends and family. Not only can parents with young children benefit from reading this book (I call it 'checking in'; making sure you're on track and assessing how well your parenting is going. Do some things need tuning up? Or just fine tuning? Maybe one or two particular things you want to completely overhaul and start over? This book can help. And it's never too late; many studies on neuroplasticity/kids' brains says yes, they can learn new good habits and methods of communicating. So no excuses.

When your kids become teenagers these 'tools' can be invaluable in minimizing the turbulence and absolute confusion of parent/child communication. Often the teen shuts down (and this can lead to dangerous or risky behavior) because they feel the parent is not hearing or valuing them. The parent just feels sad and lost and frustrated. The fabled crazy teen years doesn't have to be that way though. The author uses some very detailed scenarios (using her two then teen kids as examples) to illustrate just how liberating and rewarding the parent child relationship can be.

She also teaches parenting classes and anecdotes of 'before/after' parent teen dilemmas were used. Just the write amount of personal experience interspersed with guidance here to keep the book balanced. I literally read this in one night it was that useful and kept me engaged the whole time.

There was also just the right amount of corroboration of facts presented, too; she cited various child development experts. I now have more than a few books I want to read on child development/parenting that she mentioned as well. So the information presented is solid and factual.

The 'Take Five' suggestion I loved; take five minutes a day to do nothing at all with your kid (or each kid). It feels awkward to some but will open up doors of communication. This is especially important for frustrated parents of teens who feel stonewalled; again, this book is not just for parents of young kids. Also the explanation of 'breakdown emotions' vs. 'breakthrough emotions' (read it to find out, sorry!) was interesting and helpful. I already used her technique of 'Dealing With the Feeling' (sounds hokey, I swear it works) : spot it, say it, okay it'. I used this just today (after reading last night) on my preschooler and first grader and it absolutely made a difference. It's just making things smoother and less stressful if say, your small child has a tantrum a la Veruca Salt in public!

Little things like taking sips of water, breathing fully (before engaging/speaking in heat of the moment) might sound twee and simple to some people. But try these things (actual techniques some would call 'grounding') and it does work. The tips are all presented simply, illustrated clearly and reviewed at the end of each chaper. Perfect.

I appreciate the ancedotes about her Indian parents. They sound lovely and so warm; much of her wisdom came from learning from them.

Finally I thought it wonderful that the author had such a gentle and warm tone throughout. No strident parenting mantras or rigid guidelines. The goal of this book is this: to create (and maintain) the best, healthiest and happiest relationship with your child for LIFE. There is a particular section where she explains how your child/children are perfect for YOU and you are perfect for them. It was beautiful (I am not doing it justice, I cannot find the passage now and this review is already a book in itself) and so touching.

I agree with her opinion many parents nowadays overschedule their kids with activities and it ends up draining everyone and ironically lessening the family bond sometimes. Being present, really there for your kid and not scurrying about seems again to be simplistic but how many parents do you know really put this in practice? Lots of things in here are nice for not just a total overhaul but simple reminders of what is important in keeping your kids (and yourself) happy and fulfilled.

This book was like a GIANT HUG with a warm mug of tea, throw blanket and a Law and Order marathon on the sofa. In a word? Reassuring. I'm totally keeping it close at hand to refer to as needed. It honors not just the parent and reminds them that they can make mistakes and still try their best- just be confident you are indeed the best parent you can be. The title of the book is the only thing I don't resonate with. Upon first glance you see 'The Perfect Parent' and have visions of soccer moms with frosted bobs in perfect tans with plates full of cupcakes for the PTA. Um NO. The Perfect Parent is you, the parent who picked this book up in a bid to be the most attentive, present parent for your child/ren. Give yourself a pat on the back!

The benefit of reading this is summed up in the authors words: .."yes, it's going to require some effort but the energy you put in now is so much less than the effort and energy you will need to pick up the pieces if you don't think ahead. It is much easier to instill a new habit than it is to bear the consequences of repeated communication breakdowns."

[Maribel Reyes · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the things as parents we always ask ourselves is if we are doing a good job as parents. In the book Roma explains that we are all the 'perfect' parent to our children, because each family and each child is unique and different. Only us, as parents know what each of our children needs are. This is definitely true, through reading this book I was able to figure out where I was lacking better parenting with my kids. They are both so different and I as their mother listen, observe and appreciate those differences and needs. Roma's book is far from being a manual, it is more like a supportive book in which it encourages you to be the perfect parent for your child and how to achieve better communication with them which is what as parents we all strive for.

[Rebekah Sheppard · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of this is similar to Love and Logic.

The five tools are:

1) Accept and validate your feelings and your child's.
2) Set guidelines and expectations and allow child to manage their taskings, with age appropriate stages.
3) Use your senses to guide. Not in this book, but illustrated by Foster Cline, "What would you say and how would you say it to your good neighbor?" That is the tone and word choice to use with your child.
4) Encourage your child to talk by not reacting impulsively and demonstrate active listening.
5) Do things with your child that will create lasting positive memories.

[Mom of Awesome · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most parents want to be the absolute best parent they can be for their children. This book offers suggestions on how to be more conscious and present as a parent, and as a person. It’s about reflecting on who you are, understanding where you want to go, and bringing your kids with you in the most loving way.

Read more of this review on my blog, Mom of Awesome. Currently hosting a giveaway for this title, ends 11/19 midnight EST. Check it out!

[Honey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has changed me forever! " Being mindful" has been the key to making me more aware of my responses and perspective. I think every parent must read this book! Roma has addressed issues that we encounter everyday as parents and given such great tools to work with . I am forever in awe that " I am the perfect parent for my child and there is nobody else!"

[Tim Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's mostly subjective and anecdotal, and the New Age references and spirituality are not for me. But I still enjoyed the heart of the writing.