The Narcissist Next Door: An Intimate Look at Narcissistic Culture

by Heather Sheafer

It's everywhere you look. On reality television programs, social networking sites, playgrounds, and board rooms, a culture of narcissism dictates how we should look and what we should have.

In her groundbreaking new book, Heather Sheafer deconstructs narcissistic culture to explain that the new normal is potentially dangerous to a new generations' emotional and intellectual development.

Using brilliant, sad, and sometimes funny stories of people who have survived narcissism, as well as relateable anecdotes, Sheafer lays out the reality of modern narcissism and points out that everyone- from your mother to the narcissistic next door- is contributing to this troubling new trend.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

Paperback

First published January 30, 2014

Reviews

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not usually a non-fiction reader. I've read some, but I prefer a story—a fictional one. If you are a non-fiction reader, you should definitely pick this book up. Man, what an eye-opener. If you aren't a non-fiction reader, try the sample anyway, I think you'll probably want to read this one too. I think one of the reasons that this book was such an easy read for me (and completely sucked me in) is the fact that there are stories throughout. Anecdotes about people you have heard of, and people you haven't that have had just as outrageous experiences. I actually highlighted almost all of my kindle book. I promise you, just read the sample on Amazon and you'll want to keep reading. I don't even need to convince you. It's readable (not full of technical jargon), relatable, interesting, and it sucks you in from the start.

I gave this book 5 stars because of the fact that the book is informational, well written, and also understandable to a non-expert on the subject, and a VERY entertaining as well (and most importantly, for me).

I actually find myself using this book's information and anecdotes a lot in my day to day now. It's changed the way I view a lot of behavior and made me more aware. I find myself pointing out the narcissism in our society/in our generation to others. It's basically more blatant to me now that I've been tuned into it.

On August 8, 2013, Derek Medina shot and killed his wife in their Florida home. Moments later, his friends and family found out about it on Facebook. The 31-year-old father posted a photo of his wife's crumpled and bloodied body with the cation "I'm going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys takecare Facebook people you will see me in the news[sic]." The horrific image stayed online, and was shared thousands of times for about 5 hours before Facebook was notified and able to remove it.

What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. People.

This is horrifying. Sometimes I feel like I live under a rock. How did I not know this happened?! I guess I'm glad I didn't find out through Facebook...

Obviously this is an extreme case, but we all do see this in "smaller doses" every day...well I definitely do.

Exhibitionism is the trait that coincides with people sharing their every activity, mundane thoughts, and posting photos of food. Although much exhibitionism may seem harmless, people share more than boring details. A 2010 report found that 40% of social media users make comments and post regarding alcohol use and even more post photos of themselves drinking. Half of users use profanity, a quarter post provocative or semi-nude photos, and many more post sexy photos showcasing cleavage or other sexualized body parts. Twenty percent of Facebook and Twitter users have made comments about their own sexual activities.

This made me think of the growing trend of people taking pics of poop! When did sharing a picture of poop become socially acceptable?! Everyone, look at of my child's diaper and tell me if you think it looks ok, or, just another day potty training with a picture of poop on the floor or in the toilet if it was a good day. It's comical in a way...I will admit to sharing gross things my kids have done, although it's usually in text format because I would never ever think that anyone would want to see what the shit actually looked like. BUT THESE THINGS ARE BECOMING NORMALIZED. People are no longer socially shunned for sharing things that are completely inappropriate.

This book is not entirely about Facebook, this is just a small part, but I did find myself greatly relating to this section from both sides. Realizing that I do exhibit many of these narcissistic behaviors (especially when I'm bored—don't have enough to do or read), and also realizing what the more extreme (in my opinion) behaviors of others could possibly mean about them.

There are anecdotes about famous couples such as Bonnie and Clyde, and others about what it's like to actually be married and have children with someone that actually has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and even how other societies differ from our own and why.

To some degree, all people have narcissistic traits, and some degree of narcissism is normal and necessary for healthy self-esteem. At what point does it become a disorder?

I think if you pick this one up, you'll be pulled in as quickly as I was. Excellent read.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really gripping and easy to read for a non fiction book. It was very interesting and make me think about some of my own behaviour, it didn't make me feel like demonising everyone around me. I think this book will put me on the road to being a slightly better person and not get roped into narcissistic activities in future.
However, the author sounded bitter about this generation to me and seemed to think the one she came from was better for not raising narcissists, which I disagree with. So only 3 stars from me.

[Aliya · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book shows the pervasiveness of vanity in all spheres of life.

[Sarah Clement · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is on an interesting topic, but it was quite disappointing. From the outset, it's not quite clear what the thesis is, and it only gets worse from there. The explanation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder was a good start, and actually made me start to think about how loosely I throw around the term 'narcissist' when, in fact, I probably know far fewer who meet the diagnosis of NPD. From there, however, the author fails to ever develop a coherent narrative. She strays frequently from the topic of narcissism to talk about the ills of the modern world, but fails to ever develop a compelling argument that these are causing a rise in narcissism or, indeed, that a rise in narcissism is really occurring. This is one of these things that I really have a gut feeling about...of course I feel like people are becoming more and more narcissistic. Instagram and Facebook are breeding grounds for self-involved people to showcase all of their best features, and desperately seek the praise of others. Yet despite feeling this instinctually, I can't say that I am any closer to believing that it's backed up by good evidence after reading this book. The fact that the author isn't a good story teller makes matters worse, as it's not exactly a gripping narrative; and it jumps from topic to topic, rarely linking them together or linking back to the (nonexistent) point of the book.

If you have Kindle Unlimited, this is free, so give it a go if you like. But I wouldn't recommend it. There are many better books on the topic. Although apparently trained in psychology, her knowledge apparently didn't translate well in this book. I think it needs a good editor who can step back and ask what the book is about, and how each of the disconnected pieces of information support the main argument of the book - whatever that is.