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Others Like Me: The Lives of Women Without Children
In a world that expects all women to become mothers, what happens to those who circumvent motherhood?
Now and throughout history, women without children have been misunderstood and even vilified for not conforming to the prescriptive path of daughter, wife, mother, whether by choice, circumstance or ambivalence. But with an increasing number of people choosing to forego children, Nicole Louie knew she was not alone. As she recounts her own journey towards embracing a life without children, Louie weaves in stories from the women around the world she found in her search for community and guidance, from their pasts to their presents to their hopes for the future.
Part memoir, part exploration of childlessness through candid conversations, Others Like Me showcases how women find fulfilment and flourish outside of motherhood, upending stereotypes and offering reassurance and recognition down a much-treaded but lesser-known track.
"Tender, emotive and quietly revelatory."
- Irish Times
"Louie’s tone is vulnerable and empathetic, making this a must-read for everyone."
- Stylist Magazine
“An affirming account of the lives of childless and childfree women.”
- Library Journal
"An important, beautiful, self-excavating memoir about female autonomy and joy found in childlessness, told with great tenderness."
- Nuala O'Connor, author of Seaborne
"Deeply felt and deeply researched, books like this will help women decide what is right for them."
- Rowan Hisayo Buchanan, author of Harmless Like You
"Lyrical, full of insight, humanity and compassion. Others Like Me shows women who don't have children that there are so many others like us."
- Clodagh Finn, author of Through Her Eyes: A New History of Ireland in 21 Women
"Sharp insights into both childlessness and parenthood.”
- Publishers Weekly
Now and throughout history, women without children have been misunderstood and even vilified for not conforming to the prescriptive path of daughter, wife, mother, whether by choice, circumstance or ambivalence. But with an increasing number of people choosing to forego children, Nicole Louie knew she was not alone. As she recounts her own journey towards embracing a life without children, Louie weaves in stories from the women around the world she found in her search for community and guidance, from their pasts to their presents to their hopes for the future.
Part memoir, part exploration of childlessness through candid conversations, Others Like Me showcases how women find fulfilment and flourish outside of motherhood, upending stereotypes and offering reassurance and recognition down a much-treaded but lesser-known track.
"Tender, emotive and quietly revelatory."
- Irish Times
"Louie’s tone is vulnerable and empathetic, making this a must-read for everyone."
- Stylist Magazine
“An affirming account of the lives of childless and childfree women.”
- Library Journal
"An important, beautiful, self-excavating memoir about female autonomy and joy found in childlessness, told with great tenderness."
- Nuala O'Connor, author of Seaborne
"Deeply felt and deeply researched, books like this will help women decide what is right for them."
- Rowan Hisayo Buchanan, author of Harmless Like You
"Lyrical, full of insight, humanity and compassion. Others Like Me shows women who don't have children that there are so many others like us."
- Clodagh Finn, author of Through Her Eyes: A New History of Ireland in 21 Women
"Sharp insights into both childlessness and parenthood.”
- Publishers Weekly
364 pages, ebook
First published June 13, 2024
85 people are currently reading
4661 people want to read
About the author
Nicole Louie
1 book85 followersNicole Louie is a writer and translator based in Ireland. Her essays have appeared in Oh Reader, The Walrus and The Guardian, and her curated collections of books, movies and podcasts about women who are not mothers by choice, infertility, circumstance or ambivalence can be found on Instagram: @bynicolelouie. Others Like Me: The Lives of Women Without Children is her first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews
June 28, 2024
I’ve read quite a lot about matrescence and motherhood so far this year, and I value these women authors’ perspectives on their experiences. There is much that resonates with me as I look back to my relationships with my parents and observe how my sister, brother-in-law and friends are raising their children. Yet as I read of the joys and struggles of parenthood, I do sometimes think, what about the rest of us? That’s the question that drove Nicole Louie to write this impassioned book, which combines the strengths of an oral history, a group biography and a fragmented memoir. Like me, she was in search of role models, and found plenty of them – first on the library shelves and then in daily life by interviewing women she encountered through work or via social media.
The 14 Q&As, shaped into first-person narratives, are interspersed with Louie’s own story, creating a chorus of voices advocating for women’s freedom. The particulars of their situations vary widely. A Venezuelan graphic designer with MS doesn’t want to have a baby to try to fill a perceived lack. A blind Canadian writer hopes for children but knows it may be too complicated on her own. A Ghanaian asexual woman confronts her culture’s traditional expectations of woman. A British nurse in her sixties is philosophical about not having a long-term relationship at the right time, and focuses instead on the thousands of people she’s been able to care for.
The subjects come from Iceland, Peru, the Isle of Man; they are undecided, living with illness or disability, longing but unpartnered, or utterly convinced that motherhood is not for them. Their reasons are logical, psychological, personal and/or environmental, and so many of their conclusions rang true for me:
Louie herself has an interesting background: she’s Brazilian but has lived in Sweden, the UK and Ireland. Her work as a copywriter and translator has taken her behind the scenes in training AI. She first had to give serious thought to the question of becoming a mother in 2009, when it became an issue in her first marriage. But, really, she’d known for a long time that it didn’t appeal to her – at age six she was given a doll whose tummy opened to reveal a baby and quickly exchanged that toy for another. A late diagnosis of PCOS and a complicated relationship with her own mother only reinforced a clear conviction.
Other works that I’ve encountered on childlessness, such as Childless Voices by Lorna Gibb and No One Talks about This Stuff: Twenty-Two Stories of Almost Parenthood, ed. Kat Brown, are heavily weighted towards infertility. Here the spotlight is much more on being childfree, although the blurb is inclusive, speaking of “women who are not mothers by choice, infertility, circumstance or ambivalence.” (I love the inclusion of that final word.)
“Motherhood as the epicentre of women’s lives was all I’d ever witnessed” via her mother and grandmother, Louie writes, so finding examples of women living differently was key for her. As readers, then, we have the honour of watching her life, her thinking and the book all take shape simultaneously in the narrative. A lovely point to mention is that Molly Peacock mentored her throughout the composition process.
Intimate and empathetic, Others Like Me is also elegantly structured, with layers of stories that reflect diversity and the intersectionality of challenges. This auto/biographical collage of life without children will be reassuring for many, and a learning opportunity for others. I’m so glad it exists.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
The 14 Q&As, shaped into first-person narratives, are interspersed with Louie’s own story, creating a chorus of voices advocating for women’s freedom. The particulars of their situations vary widely. A Venezuelan graphic designer with MS doesn’t want to have a baby to try to fill a perceived lack. A blind Canadian writer hopes for children but knows it may be too complicated on her own. A Ghanaian asexual woman confronts her culture’s traditional expectations of woman. A British nurse in her sixties is philosophical about not having a long-term relationship at the right time, and focuses instead on the thousands of people she’s been able to care for.
The subjects come from Iceland, Peru, the Isle of Man; they are undecided, living with illness or disability, longing but unpartnered, or utterly convinced that motherhood is not for them. Their reasons are logical, psychological, personal and/or environmental, and so many of their conclusions rang true for me:
I just want to make the most of what’s here now instead of always having to long for something else I don’t already have.
I have this strong core intent to be useful to society. To channel as much energy into it as I would put into raising two children … You can’t experience everything available to you in life. So you make choices, and you decide which paths to take and which ones to leave behind without trying. And that’s okay. What’s important is to move forward with intent.
Louie herself has an interesting background: she’s Brazilian but has lived in Sweden, the UK and Ireland. Her work as a copywriter and translator has taken her behind the scenes in training AI. She first had to give serious thought to the question of becoming a mother in 2009, when it became an issue in her first marriage. But, really, she’d known for a long time that it didn’t appeal to her – at age six she was given a doll whose tummy opened to reveal a baby and quickly exchanged that toy for another. A late diagnosis of PCOS and a complicated relationship with her own mother only reinforced a clear conviction.
Other works that I’ve encountered on childlessness, such as Childless Voices by Lorna Gibb and No One Talks about This Stuff: Twenty-Two Stories of Almost Parenthood, ed. Kat Brown, are heavily weighted towards infertility. Here the spotlight is much more on being childfree, although the blurb is inclusive, speaking of “women who are not mothers by choice, infertility, circumstance or ambivalence.” (I love the inclusion of that final word.)
“Motherhood as the epicentre of women’s lives was all I’d ever witnessed” via her mother and grandmother, Louie writes, so finding examples of women living differently was key for her. As readers, then, we have the honour of watching her life, her thinking and the book all take shape simultaneously in the narrative. A lovely point to mention is that Molly Peacock mentored her throughout the composition process.
Intimate and empathetic, Others Like Me is also elegantly structured, with layers of stories that reflect diversity and the intersectionality of challenges. This auto/biographical collage of life without children will be reassuring for many, and a learning opportunity for others. I’m so glad it exists.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
October 5, 2024
I’m really grateful to Nicole for writing this book. I think it’s an important one and I’m glad that conversations about not having children are becoming more common.
There were some elements in this book that really resonated with me and I really wanted to love it. However, overall, I just couldn’t relate to many of the women’s stories. I’ve never felt a need to discover why having children has never appealed to me. I don’t feel I need to have a reason for not having any.
There was only one story in this book that I felt I could really relate to and that was Nannette’s (funnily enough, my mum’s name!). She just didn’t want any. Full stop. No reason.
And whilst I appreciate that not every book can resonate with every one of us on a personal level, I’d love to just read more about women who just don’t want children. The end.
But this book will definitely appeal to lots of childfree and childless women who do want to explore more about the lives of women without children.
There were some elements in this book that really resonated with me and I really wanted to love it. However, overall, I just couldn’t relate to many of the women’s stories. I’ve never felt a need to discover why having children has never appealed to me. I don’t feel I need to have a reason for not having any.
There was only one story in this book that I felt I could really relate to and that was Nannette’s (funnily enough, my mum’s name!). She just didn’t want any. Full stop. No reason.
And whilst I appreciate that not every book can resonate with every one of us on a personal level, I’d love to just read more about women who just don’t want children. The end.
But this book will definitely appeal to lots of childfree and childless women who do want to explore more about the lives of women without children.
November 17, 2024
I requested this book at the library as I read an excerpt in a Guardian article, and was really intrigued. Given that I am a woman that does not want children, I was interested to see what other women like me had to say about it and what their experience has been.
Firstly, on opening the book and scanning the contents, you very quickly realise that these stories from other women only compromise the middle section of the book. The rest is Louie's memoir, as she has made researching, reading about and meeting women who don't have children, her life's work. I understand why this format was chosen but was personally quite disappointed- if the title promises stories from other women, you expect the whole book to be full of them. In the version I read, 97 out of 337 pages were dedicated to others stories, the rest was Louie's story.
Louie's writing is competent but not captivating. Her story shows her struggle to come to terms with not wanting children, her fear of what her life would look like, and her desire to not feel so isolated in it, thus leading her to this. What really struck me, is the amount that she has agonised over it, and this seems to stem from her personality, her childhood and relationship with her family, particularly her mother, her personal issues (explored through therapy) and her first marriage. I don't have all the answers but I can safely say that I've never felt as conflicted as she has about it, it was quite befuddling to read how she created it into something bigger than it is, however that's her personal experience.
The first part of the book tells the story of how she met her first husband and how about several years in, he realised he wanted children, which is what started the ball rolling in her head. That part was fine to read, it's when Louie started diving into her childhood etc. to figure out if children were for her that it really started to get rather tedious. I can understand why it's included, it's her journey and story after all, but this is not what I came to read. Inevitably, Louie and her first husband divorced, which instigated her desire to find other women who didn't want any and to write their stories.
This leads to the middle section of the book; the focal point of others stories. These were brilliant. They didn't just focus on their experiences and opinions of not having children, but the women themselves, how their culture, their families, their passions and interests and their relationships have all played a role. What was really interesting is that some didn't even explicitly decide that they didn't want children, they just kind of fell into it; it's where their lives had led them too. I also really appreciated that they were from all walks of life; various parts of the world, different ages, different specialisms. It was truly fascinating and quite empowering.
Andrea was especially interesting, on having her fallopian tubes tied, she says, "I felt angry that everyone could be so amazed by a woman choosing what to do with her body." I really felt that. Daniela talks about her experience of having a Uterine Fibroid which sounds absolutely horrendous. It serves as a reminder of everything a woman has to deal with, with still not enough awareness or understanding of in society in general. Magdalena's story was also included; a story of a woman who desperately wanted children but it never happened for her. It was an important perspective to have, if quite sad. I feel for her and other women going through the same thing; it's one thing to know you don't want children and be perfectly happy with it and quite another having done all you possibly can to have them and having that sadness permeate you, both whilst traversing society. The only slight downside to this section, is that they were still interspersed between segments of Louie's story and how she met them or was introduced to them, again, something I found unnecessary.
The last part of the book is back to Louie; her health problems and her journey in writing this book. This was a little more interesting given that it touched on another topic vital to women; their experience of healthcare as a woman, and quite significant at that, as she was dealing with problems with her uterus. I'm sure every woman can relate to her story of one particular condescending gynaecologist and her reaction to him; "I wanted to maul his face and shout that I'd had thirty seven years of experience having a female body and had never felt pain like that before." Her writing story is probably something that will appeal to other similar writers; I made headway through it without really being that engaged. Louie does at least conclude with the realisation that, "I had not changed my mind, but I had lived my life consumed by other people's concerns that I would change my mind or regret my choice." I'm glad she's understood what was going on for her and has finally come to a place of acceptance.
I also read the book to find some mutual feelings and feel seen to have some of the things that I've thought reflected back at me:
"We shouldn't just be born, get to adulthood and then have kids incessantly."
"Another notion that puzzles me is having children to add meaning to a marriage or a life. There are many other ways of finding purpose and fulfilment."
"What a selfish thing it is to make children only for them to take care of you when you are old."
"I learned a great deal from my friends who had babies. They told me how much it hurts to dilate and to have their dilation checked, and, again, why did nobody tell them this would happen the way it does? Why are we taught logarithms at school, but not how our bodies function? You go into something that big so unprepared because we treat it as natural when natural doesn't mean you should do it, or that you should do it without thinking or being informed about what it's going to be like."
"Why did they wish to become parents? Were more detailed and logical reasons expected to be provided by those of us who chose not to or could not have children?"
"Society as a whole needs to take responsibility for looking at things that are viewed as normal and parenthood is the one that nobody questions."
"Becoming a parent is no guarantee of becoming a paragon of humanity."
Although I've been quite critical of the format, I am appreciative of the work that Louie has put in to bringing these women's stories to the fore and shedding some light to society of a path that is still quite shocking to most. Had it been solely other women's stories end to end and Louie's condensed down to a similar length and format to theirs, this book would've been a solid five stars.
Firstly, on opening the book and scanning the contents, you very quickly realise that these stories from other women only compromise the middle section of the book. The rest is Louie's memoir, as she has made researching, reading about and meeting women who don't have children, her life's work. I understand why this format was chosen but was personally quite disappointed- if the title promises stories from other women, you expect the whole book to be full of them. In the version I read, 97 out of 337 pages were dedicated to others stories, the rest was Louie's story.
Louie's writing is competent but not captivating. Her story shows her struggle to come to terms with not wanting children, her fear of what her life would look like, and her desire to not feel so isolated in it, thus leading her to this. What really struck me, is the amount that she has agonised over it, and this seems to stem from her personality, her childhood and relationship with her family, particularly her mother, her personal issues (explored through therapy) and her first marriage. I don't have all the answers but I can safely say that I've never felt as conflicted as she has about it, it was quite befuddling to read how she created it into something bigger than it is, however that's her personal experience.
The first part of the book tells the story of how she met her first husband and how about several years in, he realised he wanted children, which is what started the ball rolling in her head. That part was fine to read, it's when Louie started diving into her childhood etc. to figure out if children were for her that it really started to get rather tedious. I can understand why it's included, it's her journey and story after all, but this is not what I came to read. Inevitably, Louie and her first husband divorced, which instigated her desire to find other women who didn't want any and to write their stories.
This leads to the middle section of the book; the focal point of others stories. These were brilliant. They didn't just focus on their experiences and opinions of not having children, but the women themselves, how their culture, their families, their passions and interests and their relationships have all played a role. What was really interesting is that some didn't even explicitly decide that they didn't want children, they just kind of fell into it; it's where their lives had led them too. I also really appreciated that they were from all walks of life; various parts of the world, different ages, different specialisms. It was truly fascinating and quite empowering.
Andrea was especially interesting, on having her fallopian tubes tied, she says, "I felt angry that everyone could be so amazed by a woman choosing what to do with her body." I really felt that. Daniela talks about her experience of having a Uterine Fibroid which sounds absolutely horrendous. It serves as a reminder of everything a woman has to deal with, with still not enough awareness or understanding of in society in general. Magdalena's story was also included; a story of a woman who desperately wanted children but it never happened for her. It was an important perspective to have, if quite sad. I feel for her and other women going through the same thing; it's one thing to know you don't want children and be perfectly happy with it and quite another having done all you possibly can to have them and having that sadness permeate you, both whilst traversing society. The only slight downside to this section, is that they were still interspersed between segments of Louie's story and how she met them or was introduced to them, again, something I found unnecessary.
The last part of the book is back to Louie; her health problems and her journey in writing this book. This was a little more interesting given that it touched on another topic vital to women; their experience of healthcare as a woman, and quite significant at that, as she was dealing with problems with her uterus. I'm sure every woman can relate to her story of one particular condescending gynaecologist and her reaction to him; "I wanted to maul his face and shout that I'd had thirty seven years of experience having a female body and had never felt pain like that before." Her writing story is probably something that will appeal to other similar writers; I made headway through it without really being that engaged. Louie does at least conclude with the realisation that, "I had not changed my mind, but I had lived my life consumed by other people's concerns that I would change my mind or regret my choice." I'm glad she's understood what was going on for her and has finally come to a place of acceptance.
I also read the book to find some mutual feelings and feel seen to have some of the things that I've thought reflected back at me:
"We shouldn't just be born, get to adulthood and then have kids incessantly."
"Another notion that puzzles me is having children to add meaning to a marriage or a life. There are many other ways of finding purpose and fulfilment."
"What a selfish thing it is to make children only for them to take care of you when you are old."
"I learned a great deal from my friends who had babies. They told me how much it hurts to dilate and to have their dilation checked, and, again, why did nobody tell them this would happen the way it does? Why are we taught logarithms at school, but not how our bodies function? You go into something that big so unprepared because we treat it as natural when natural doesn't mean you should do it, or that you should do it without thinking or being informed about what it's going to be like."
"Why did they wish to become parents? Were more detailed and logical reasons expected to be provided by those of us who chose not to or could not have children?"
"Society as a whole needs to take responsibility for looking at things that are viewed as normal and parenthood is the one that nobody questions."
"Becoming a parent is no guarantee of becoming a paragon of humanity."
Although I've been quite critical of the format, I am appreciative of the work that Louie has put in to bringing these women's stories to the fore and shedding some light to society of a path that is still quite shocking to most. Had it been solely other women's stories end to end and Louie's condensed down to a similar length and format to theirs, this book would've been a solid five stars.
July 31, 2025
Well this was disappointing.
I was expecting so much more from this title if I'm honest. As a child free woman of 47 who has from my pre-teens been appalled at the idea of having children, I was hoping for comprehensive stories of women in the same boat as me, those that don't and never have wanted children for no other reason than it absolutely goes against every grain of their being.
Nicole Louie does a great job of exploring her own experience, and maybe this is the lane in which she should have stayed, keeping the book as a memoir. When it comes to all the other women she interviewed, I feel short-changed. Their stories were nothing more than rushed vignettes, a quick flick through the resumés of their lived experience. Experience with IVF was discussed and those who wanted to have children but couldn't (which seemed a bit counterintuitive to me).
I was disappointed as I was just expecting something very different given the title of the book.
A very dissatisfying 2 stars.
I was expecting so much more from this title if I'm honest. As a child free woman of 47 who has from my pre-teens been appalled at the idea of having children, I was hoping for comprehensive stories of women in the same boat as me, those that don't and never have wanted children for no other reason than it absolutely goes against every grain of their being.
Nicole Louie does a great job of exploring her own experience, and maybe this is the lane in which she should have stayed, keeping the book as a memoir. When it comes to all the other women she interviewed, I feel short-changed. Their stories were nothing more than rushed vignettes, a quick flick through the resumés of their lived experience. Experience with IVF was discussed and those who wanted to have children but couldn't (which seemed a bit counterintuitive to me).
I was disappointed as I was just expecting something very different given the title of the book.
A very dissatisfying 2 stars.
July 18, 2024
This is a thought-provoking read that delves into the author's and other women's personal experiences about choosing a childless life. I was very excited to read it. It was an interesting experience, especially because of the author's Brazilian background, which added a unique perspective to the story.
I've been reading about the child-free movement for a few years now, and I still struggle to connect with others in this group. Most of the situations I've seen involve a disdain for children. But I feel there is more to the decision not to have children than simply not wanting to be a mother or father. It's important to hear from those who have opted not to have children about what influenced their decision, their backgrounds, and their real feelings. Nicole did a great job sharing her point of view, and she brought such interesting women to talk about their experiences.
In so many moments, I caught myself thinking, "Why are we not talking about this enough?". I'd recommend this book to everyone. I just wish there were more of the other characters.
I've been reading about the child-free movement for a few years now, and I still struggle to connect with others in this group. Most of the situations I've seen involve a disdain for children. But I feel there is more to the decision not to have children than simply not wanting to be a mother or father. It's important to hear from those who have opted not to have children about what influenced their decision, their backgrounds, and their real feelings. Nicole did a great job sharing her point of view, and she brought such interesting women to talk about their experiences.
In so many moments, I caught myself thinking, "Why are we not talking about this enough?". I'd recommend this book to everyone. I just wish there were more of the other characters.
October 29, 2025
It's warm and informative, and made me think about my own experiences, prejudices and ideas about what motherhood, childlessness, and everything in between really is. It opens up the floor to talking about this topic that is so personal, so taboo, but also so very central to our society and culture. The only thing I was really missing was a more queer perspective, as most women interviewed in this book is straight and is/has been in heterosexual partnerships.
November 5, 2024
|| OTHERS LIKE ME ||
#gifted @houseofanansi
#nonfictionnovember
✍🏻
"Others Like Me is the story of fourteen women who don't have children. Well, fifteen. It's their story and mine. It's the story of why I had to find them and what they taught me. Part memoir, part exploration of childlessness through candid conversations, this book showcases the many ways in which women find fulfillment and how their woman home can manifest and bloom outside of motherhood."
•
Nonfiction November started out with a bang! Happy Pub day to Others Like Me by Nicole Louie an original and thoughtful book about women from different countries, religions, social classes and marital statuses sharing their journeys of childlessness. I couldn't put this one down. It was fascinating, honest and relevant reading. For so long it has been thought that women's biggest purpose and happiness comes from rearing children, this book explores the joys and dispels the stereotypes of women who by choice or circumstance are on a different path and finding fulfillment. I absolutely loved this book and highly recommend it!
.
.
.
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For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
#gifted @houseofanansi
#nonfictionnovember
✍🏻
"Others Like Me is the story of fourteen women who don't have children. Well, fifteen. It's their story and mine. It's the story of why I had to find them and what they taught me. Part memoir, part exploration of childlessness through candid conversations, this book showcases the many ways in which women find fulfillment and how their woman home can manifest and bloom outside of motherhood."
•
Nonfiction November started out with a bang! Happy Pub day to Others Like Me by Nicole Louie an original and thoughtful book about women from different countries, religions, social classes and marital statuses sharing their journeys of childlessness. I couldn't put this one down. It was fascinating, honest and relevant reading. For so long it has been thought that women's biggest purpose and happiness comes from rearing children, this book explores the joys and dispels the stereotypes of women who by choice or circumstance are on a different path and finding fulfillment. I absolutely loved this book and highly recommend it!
.
.
.
.
For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong
March 11, 2025
I never thought I needed validation or camaraderie in my decision, it has been part of who I am since I can remember.
But I loved so much about this book! First it gave me a thankfulness for the people in my life who never made a big deal about it. This book also validated the insensitivity and blatant patriarchal assumptions I have just let roll off my back (as we “good girls” do, ugh).
There were some sentences that 100% resonated with me and hearing them come out of another human brain that isn’t my own was profoundly cathartic! I hadn’t expected to have feelings of connection to women I will never meet.
I work with clients and have heard many, many life stories of childlessness and of the childfree but rarely do they match my story. I laughed out loud at times as the women in this book took the words right out of my mouth!
Thank you for writing this content, now I crave more!!!
But I loved so much about this book! First it gave me a thankfulness for the people in my life who never made a big deal about it. This book also validated the insensitivity and blatant patriarchal assumptions I have just let roll off my back (as we “good girls” do, ugh).
There were some sentences that 100% resonated with me and hearing them come out of another human brain that isn’t my own was profoundly cathartic! I hadn’t expected to have feelings of connection to women I will never meet.
I work with clients and have heard many, many life stories of childlessness and of the childfree but rarely do they match my story. I laughed out loud at times as the women in this book took the words right out of my mouth!
Thank you for writing this content, now I crave more!!!
February 23, 2025
Great story telling and collection of stories! I loved the candidness and depth in which the author discussed her own story along with these other womens stories and how courageous it is to confront these truths on paper.
April 27, 2025
I enjoyed Nicole’s journey, the perspectives of various childless women, and the call to society to reexamine how we treat childless women. Good read, thought provoking & validating
July 21, 2025
I have been reading a lot of books about the lives of women without children in the past few years, gathering experiences and feelings and gaining perspective from others that are "like me." My journey to being childfree is not a straight line, and has come with a lot of ups and downs and deep thought. This collection by @bynicolelouie was a welcome addition and I thought it was a good range of voices and experiences. Nicole’s book is more than a collection of random stories; she brings together voices from across a wide range -women of different backgrounds, professions, and life experiences- all united by not being mothers. Like every experience and voice, some I could identify with more than others. But as an almost 42 year old, I never remember this topic being so openly talked and written about and for that I am grateful. "Kay describes herself as not having children by choice and circumstance, which made me understand that childlessness is nuanced and the places in which women will find themselves within its spectrum can overlap or change over time." (p.186). Isn't that the truth?
March 9, 2025
As I was browsing the new non-fiction section at the RFPL, I came across this book. "Others Like Me: The Lives of Women without Children." This sounded like me, and I was curious to read about other women (like me) who have chosen not to have children. This book is divided into three sections. In the first section, the author describes her own story of being "childfree" (instead of "childless" an important distinction), which reads more like a memoir. The second section is devoted to other women's stories. The author interviewed over a dozen women around the world. In each chapter, the women describe their reasoning for being "childfree." Although I appreciate that there was a wide variety of women (location, age, race, occupation), I felt that there wasn't a single story that I could resonate with. Ironically, the closest connection I made was to Doreen, a 35-year-old international development professional from Ghana, who claims that she is "asexual." The third section is about the author's battle with PCOS and her conclusion not to have children. She also explores how women without children are perceived and treated in our society. I thought it was interesting, but it may not be for everyone. I would definitely give it 3.5 stars.
December 31, 2024
I enjoyed this book and found it well-structured overall. I was drawn to Nicole's story, which felt more compelling to read than some of the others. A few stories seemed repetitive or less engaging. Additionally, the stories of others sometimes felt disjointed, because of the fact that they were answers to questions we didn’t get to read. This made the transitions between paragraphs feel a bit abrupt, which could have been improved for better coherence.
I appreciated the diversity of the interviewees in terms of nationalities and occupations, but I would have liked to see more representation across different age groups. This could have provided deeper insight into the experience of aging without children (beyond Nanette’s story).
Overall, it was a good book—an easy read that kept me engaged, especially since I’ve been grappling with similar questions myself. I also resonated with the places and workplace mentioned, as they reflected aspects of the immigrant experience in Ireland, which I found both relatable and enjoyable to see. Nicole is a talented writer, and I’m excited to follow her journey and read her future works.
I appreciated the diversity of the interviewees in terms of nationalities and occupations, but I would have liked to see more representation across different age groups. This could have provided deeper insight into the experience of aging without children (beyond Nanette’s story).
Overall, it was a good book—an easy read that kept me engaged, especially since I’ve been grappling with similar questions myself. I also resonated with the places and workplace mentioned, as they reflected aspects of the immigrant experience in Ireland, which I found both relatable and enjoyable to see. Nicole is a talented writer, and I’m excited to follow her journey and read her future works.
July 20, 2024
Hay pocos libros que se cuenten desde la perspectiva de una mujer que no quiere tener hijos, y que hablen en primera persona, tanto ella como sus entrevistadas. O eso parece, porque Nicole Louie lo cuenta con una ligereza, compromiso y cariño que parece una confesión a viva voz con un café.
A mí el libro me ha transmitido mucho y seguro que a otras personas como nosotras, les pasará lo mismo.
Si estás buscando un libro sobre mujeres sin hijos, esta es una fantástica elección. Y además te proporciona un listado con muchos más.
A mí el libro me ha transmitido mucho y seguro que a otras personas como nosotras, les pasará lo mismo.
Si estás buscando un libro sobre mujeres sin hijos, esta es una fantástica elección. Y además te proporciona un listado con muchos más.
June 21, 2025
I wish there were more stories from other women.
The author’s story is interesting however I was more intrigued by what others had to say about being child free.
The author’s story is interesting however I was more intrigued by what others had to say about being child free.
October 6, 2024
Nicole’s book is more than a collection of stories; she brings together voices from across the spectrum -women of different backgrounds, professions, and life experiences- all united by not being mothers.
The book is both an affirmation and a relief for anyone who has ever been asked, “But why?”, ”But what about when you’re old?“, ”Aren’t you afraid of dying alone?“, ”How will you ever find a partner?“, ”So you plan on having dozens of cats then?“.
Reading "Others Like Me" has reinforced the certainty about not wanting children that I’ve always felt within myself, and it’s also given me new language to explain and defend that certainty to others. It feels like a gift, not just for me but for every woman who has ever felt pressured to conform to motherhood as the only valid path to womanhood, to life, to happiness. This book is a profound reminder that we are not alone, and that our lives are full and complete just as they are.
I loved it. I savoured it.
Nicole's narration is deeply personal and profoundly touching. Her exploration -both within herself and in the world around her- is thoughtful, meticulous, and honest. Each of the 14 childless women’s stories brings something unique: some are inspiring, others painfully relatable, some are humbling, some shocking. The book flows effortlessly, with a structure that makes it feel like a reflective train ride, where you’re gazing out at a passing landscape, fully absorbed yet half-aware of your own thoughts, trying to capture every fleeting tree, deer, and ray of sunlight.
The accounts of these women felt so familiar to my own experiences. The prejudices and stereotypes that have followed me are all too familiar: the career-obsessed woman, the "crazy cat lady," the pitiful spinster, the selfish hedonist. These labels are so widespread that almost every childless woman has had to confront them.
Nicole's own story is woven throughout the book with such raw emotion that I could hear her voice in every sentence. Her ability to observe and reflect on her experiences, and then translate them into words, reveals a natural writer, one whose insight is both deeply personal and universally resonant.
The book is both an affirmation and a relief for anyone who has ever been asked, “But why?”, ”But what about when you’re old?“, ”Aren’t you afraid of dying alone?“, ”How will you ever find a partner?“, ”So you plan on having dozens of cats then?“.
Reading "Others Like Me" has reinforced the certainty about not wanting children that I’ve always felt within myself, and it’s also given me new language to explain and defend that certainty to others. It feels like a gift, not just for me but for every woman who has ever felt pressured to conform to motherhood as the only valid path to womanhood, to life, to happiness. This book is a profound reminder that we are not alone, and that our lives are full and complete just as they are.
I loved it. I savoured it.
Nicole's narration is deeply personal and profoundly touching. Her exploration -both within herself and in the world around her- is thoughtful, meticulous, and honest. Each of the 14 childless women’s stories brings something unique: some are inspiring, others painfully relatable, some are humbling, some shocking. The book flows effortlessly, with a structure that makes it feel like a reflective train ride, where you’re gazing out at a passing landscape, fully absorbed yet half-aware of your own thoughts, trying to capture every fleeting tree, deer, and ray of sunlight.
The accounts of these women felt so familiar to my own experiences. The prejudices and stereotypes that have followed me are all too familiar: the career-obsessed woman, the "crazy cat lady," the pitiful spinster, the selfish hedonist. These labels are so widespread that almost every childless woman has had to confront them.
Nicole's own story is woven throughout the book with such raw emotion that I could hear her voice in every sentence. Her ability to observe and reflect on her experiences, and then translate them into words, reveals a natural writer, one whose insight is both deeply personal and universally resonant.
January 3, 2026
What makes me sad is that the people that MUST read this book probably won't. For me it was an affirmation for many emotions I've felt and challenges I've faced... that there are indeed so many "others like me". For others, it can be a means to understanding "others not like them" more.
✨️✨️✨️✨️
I liked the stories of all the different women with their own reasons and yellow arrows. Of course the writer's own story was more elaborate and we got to see the development of her character through her own eyes.
✨️✨️✨️✨️
I liked the stories of all the different women with their own reasons and yellow arrows. Of course the writer's own story was more elaborate and we got to see the development of her character through her own eyes.
May 14, 2025
“It’s the uterus that is empty, not you, not your life.” There is more to being a woman than just being a mom…this book encompasses that and so much more. This book dives into various reasons as to why some women choose to redirect their path from the ‘normal’ female agenda: having and raising children. I loved reading the stories of women who have had to face the criticism of being ‘childless,’ and how they have navigated a society focused on motherhood.
July 28, 2025
3.5 ⭐️
Others Like Me touches on a subject that resonates with me, but I feel the author could have been more deeply into it. Many of the women interviewed had external or circumstantial reasons for not having children (health issues, life events, etc.), but I was hoping to hear more from women who SIMPLY don’t want kids. That choice alone deserves more exploration, complexity, and nuance.
I also would have loved a more introspective dive into the author’s own experience, particularly on how her relationship with her own mother may have shaped that choice. That part of the story felt underexplored.
Overall, I’m glad I read it. The book opened the door to a much-needed conversation of what it means to choose a child-free and not childless life.
Others Like Me touches on a subject that resonates with me, but I feel the author could have been more deeply into it. Many of the women interviewed had external or circumstantial reasons for not having children (health issues, life events, etc.), but I was hoping to hear more from women who SIMPLY don’t want kids. That choice alone deserves more exploration, complexity, and nuance.
I also would have loved a more introspective dive into the author’s own experience, particularly on how her relationship with her own mother may have shaped that choice. That part of the story felt underexplored.
Overall, I’m glad I read it. The book opened the door to a much-needed conversation of what it means to choose a child-free and not childless life.
November 30, 2025
"but why shut a door you are not using?”
well, why let others decide which doors i'm allowed to close if it's my own home?
well, why let others decide which doors i'm allowed to close if it's my own home?
August 14, 2024
What a beautiful feeling to feel connection, and share in with the good & bad experiences of so many people.
I've read the book to have a better understanding of people's lives, instead found so many glimpses into my own, feeling a connection to so many I've never met across the world.
It was impossible to stop the reading the book, even when it meant missing my train station to finish the chapter. The stories, storytelling, the people. This book is one to read over and over again.
Thank you for sharing so many intimate moments of your and others lives, and connecting across the words with so many in the world, spanning cultures and different lifestyles.
I've read the book to have a better understanding of people's lives, instead found so many glimpses into my own, feeling a connection to so many I've never met across the world.
It was impossible to stop the reading the book, even when it meant missing my train station to finish the chapter. The stories, storytelling, the people. This book is one to read over and over again.
Thank you for sharing so many intimate moments of your and others lives, and connecting across the words with so many in the world, spanning cultures and different lifestyles.
August 4, 2024
I spent about a week reading this wonderful book. Stories about women's lives, women with and without children! I was most interested in the author's life, as she is living in my home country and is childfree by choice, like I am. I wanted the book to go on longer, that's my only complaint! I'm hoping for a second book. Thanks, Nicole !
October 26, 2025
Me gustó. Es cierto que por momentos se siente demasiado auto-referencial pero su historia tiene un desarrollo y cierre con sentido. Lo que más me gustó, fue la variedad: de historias, de mujeres, de razones y experiencias. Hay un sinfín de situaciones por las cuales una persona vive una vida sin hijos y es necesario saberlo antes de especular o comentar sobre vidas ajenas. Una historia en particular me puso muy triste.
Y por último, la autora facilita un montón de material para seguir sumergiéndose en el tema, lo cual se agradece porque bastante costó encontrar un libro para empezar que se ajuste a lo que buscaba.
Y por último, la autora facilita un montón de material para seguir sumergiéndose en el tema, lo cual se agradece porque bastante costó encontrar un libro para empezar que se ajuste a lo que buscaba.
December 13, 2024
Library book 📖
I liked this book - it was thought-provoking and comforting and educating all in one. However, it wasn't quite what I was looking for. I'm not 100% sure why ... Maybe because it was a lot more auto-biographical than I was expecting?
Whatever it was, I found myself wanting to finish this book and move on for the last half of the book. I'm glad I tried it but it won't stick in my brain for long.
I liked this book - it was thought-provoking and comforting and educating all in one. However, it wasn't quite what I was looking for. I'm not 100% sure why ... Maybe because it was a lot more auto-biographical than I was expecting?
Whatever it was, I found myself wanting to finish this book and move on for the last half of the book. I'm glad I tried it but it won't stick in my brain for long.
June 3, 2025
I read this because of an excerpt in The Guardian. The excerpt was reasonably edited; this book was not. Her story doesn’t work as a framing device—I did not need eighty pages about her childhood. But the interviews were worth the read; she picked interesting women. While the writing is amateurish (and the dialogue is comically bad), I did appreciate the diversity of the subjects, and it did have a good reading list at the end.
January 25, 2025
I wanted to love this book, but agree with some of the other reviews that this was too much of a personal memoir rather than interviewing other women (which is how it’s marketed). I enjoyed the middle portion of the book with the chapters on different womens’ experiences not having children, but I didn’t particularly relate to the author herself.
March 30, 2025
This was okay! Important for this group of women to have a place to share their thoughts but it seemed not very well-written or something? She was writing about emotional topics but the writing didn’t move me to FEEL that.
February 12, 2025
I was expecting it to be more of the individual stories than mostly the writers narrative, which I just wasn’t interested in
February 21, 2025
It was fascinating to learn about the lies of women who don’t have children and the stigma that they face.
July 1, 2024
A love letter not only to childfree and childless people in our world, but also to the power of ideas, stories, and community. Part memoir, part interviews, Others Like Me recounts the author's life story and how she came to interview 14 women around the world to understand their lives, how they came to have no children, and how they find navigate the challenges of living in a pronatal society.
Having recently come out the other side of a short and emotionally intense relationship, I propelled myself into thinking about what I wanted from a future relationship. Perhaps it was my way of healing, but I set time aside and wrote down all my values and goals on a list. For the amount of effort spent, the answers on that page seemed fairly shallow, and disappointingly so. The glaringly obvious out take from it was this: All my life I've held an indifference for the big things sucg as politics, social causes, my career, health, and most importantly: children.
Cultural expectations demand that I find a partner and have children, not for myself though, my parents sense of security and happiness depend on me having kids. It's what I've been told all my life and only now had I given myself the opportunity to consider what I wanted... and it was confusing. I knew that I didn't want children now, and perhaps informed by outdated attitudes, I was deathly afraid of losing myself to a child that required more care and attention than 'normal'. My conditions for love proved to be embarrassingly selfish. So I rationalised that maybe it was best I didn't have children. But even cutting myself off from that path felt like bitter pill to swallow. What if I found someone in which we were both aligned on kids but then one of us changed our positions in the future? Could you ride that out or would resentment slowly build up? I was clearly uneducated and ill-equipped to make a decision.
It's here where I found an article by Nicole Louie on The Guardian. Reading her story of a marriage that dissolved due to one partner deciding they wanted children late into the relationship while the other didn't was exactly what I needed to understand my own thoughts. Upon reaching the end of the article, I was disappointed that this might be the only glimpse I get into the topic. To my relief, the footnotes noted that in only a few days, Nicole's first book on this subject would be released.
While I do wish that more perspectives such as those from neurodiverse backgrounds were covered, I know that this book isn't the 'be all and end all' of my exploration into this topic. Throughout the book, Nicole spotlights many notable female figures without children and shows how their ideas and writings acted as companion, aiding her through tough times and helping her reflect on her own beliefs. Equally, this book has helped to challenge and understand my views of parenthood and I greatly value it for that.
So after finishing the book... do I still want to have kids in the future? Not sure! Whatever happens, I'll be more confident in making a decision having listened to the stories from everyone in this book and knowing more about myself.
EDIT: A correction on my review, the 5th woman interviewed in the book is from a neurodiverse background.
Having recently come out the other side of a short and emotionally intense relationship, I propelled myself into thinking about what I wanted from a future relationship. Perhaps it was my way of healing, but I set time aside and wrote down all my values and goals on a list. For the amount of effort spent, the answers on that page seemed fairly shallow, and disappointingly so. The glaringly obvious out take from it was this: All my life I've held an indifference for the big things sucg as politics, social causes, my career, health, and most importantly: children.
Cultural expectations demand that I find a partner and have children, not for myself though, my parents sense of security and happiness depend on me having kids. It's what I've been told all my life and only now had I given myself the opportunity to consider what I wanted... and it was confusing. I knew that I didn't want children now, and perhaps informed by outdated attitudes, I was deathly afraid of losing myself to a child that required more care and attention than 'normal'. My conditions for love proved to be embarrassingly selfish. So I rationalised that maybe it was best I didn't have children. But even cutting myself off from that path felt like bitter pill to swallow. What if I found someone in which we were both aligned on kids but then one of us changed our positions in the future? Could you ride that out or would resentment slowly build up? I was clearly uneducated and ill-equipped to make a decision.
It's here where I found an article by Nicole Louie on The Guardian. Reading her story of a marriage that dissolved due to one partner deciding they wanted children late into the relationship while the other didn't was exactly what I needed to understand my own thoughts. Upon reaching the end of the article, I was disappointed that this might be the only glimpse I get into the topic. To my relief, the footnotes noted that in only a few days, Nicole's first book on this subject would be released.
While I do wish that more perspectives such as those from neurodiverse backgrounds were covered, I know that this book isn't the 'be all and end all' of my exploration into this topic. Throughout the book, Nicole spotlights many notable female figures without children and shows how their ideas and writings acted as companion, aiding her through tough times and helping her reflect on her own beliefs. Equally, this book has helped to challenge and understand my views of parenthood and I greatly value it for that.
So after finishing the book... do I still want to have kids in the future? Not sure! Whatever happens, I'll be more confident in making a decision having listened to the stories from everyone in this book and knowing more about myself.
EDIT: A correction on my review, the 5th woman interviewed in the book is from a neurodiverse background.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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