The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy

by Diane England

War, physical and sexual abuse, and natural disasters. All crises have one thing in Victims often suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and their loved ones suffer right along with them. In this book, couples will learn how to have a healthy relationship, in spite of a stressful and debilitating disorder. They'll learn how —Deal with emotions regarding their partner's PTSD —Talk about the traumatic event(s) —Communicate about the effects of PTSD to their children —Handle sexual relations when a PTSD partner has suffered a traumatic sexual event —Help their partner cope with everyday life issues When someone has gone through a traumatic event in his or her life, he or she needs a partner more than ever. This is the complete guide to keeping the relationship strong and helping both partners recover in happy, healthy ways.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health

291 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Dr. Diane England, author of one of three self-help books that the "Library Journal" designated as one of the "BEST BOOKS OF 2009," is a licensed clinical social worker with other degrees in family studies and child development. She has a more diverse background than many social workershaving worked with the military and their families oversea during wartime, taught in a School of Social Work, and managed programs and consulted at state and national levels.

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Reviews

[Skye · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to wait a few days to process some of the information in this book before writing a review.

I think this book had some good information BUT I also feel like there was ALOT of scaremonging and stereotypes being played out. Not every veteran with PTSD is a danger to everyone around them and will snap at any moment.

I read a review on here from another person saying he, as the person with PTSD, wouldn’t want a loved one to read this book, and I want to say that as a wife of a man struggling with PTSD, I completely understand why he said that and agree. If you are a loved one trying to understand what the person you love who has PTSD, is going thru and how you can help them and etc, than tread REALLY lightly with this book. I think if you are in a very vulnerable state, than this is NOT the book for you, as it infantalizes your loved one as well as also makes them out to be someone who’s going to hurt you or your children at any moment, and this just isn’t true for every case.

The part in the book where it says something along the lines of “oh, if you’re loved one isn’t having sexual intimacy with you but then goes out and cheats on you, you just have to get over it because it’s the PTSD”. Yeah? For real? The author really put that in this book? This is so detrimental and harmful to so many relationships and just justifies infidelity and furthermore paints an even more horrible and exhausting picture of what life looks like being married to someone struggling with ptsd.

Also, the part where it essentially tells you to get your children involved in calling out the PTSD crosses a huge line. As an adult it’s hard for me to navigate what my husband is going through and this author suggests I put that on my children? I think not.

If anything, like I said, there are a few things in this book that spoke to me and helped me understand what is going on….but there is also a lot of stereotypical bullsh** that you as a reader needs to be able to see through.

I do think this book is geared largely towards dealing with combat related PTSD although there is a few other types sprinkled throughout the book.

Overall, I think this book also adds to the stigma around PTSD and I’m glad that it’s been called out and continues to be called out. You wonder why some people don’t get help for their PTSD or even talk about it in open circles, and this book is part of the reason.

[Joanna Cameron · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book assumes a lot. First, the relationship is identified as man + woman. "He" is the one who has "PTSD." I think there was a brief note about using gender specific pronouns as a means of making the writing easier, but it felt to "normative" to me (and, no, I'm not transgender or non-binary). This book looks only at "uncomplicated" PTSD... that is, trauma that is caused by an event, or as a result of occupational stress injury, but does not address complex-PTSD at all. The author also appears to assume that the other partner is completely mentally healthy. While she does address things like "depression" with regards to the non-ptsd partner, it's done in a very non-chalant, but oddly matter-of-fact way; example, partner is "depressed" due to being in a particular stage of grief. This, (stages of grief), also assumes that partner has no clue about PTSD and therefore, experiences grief as a result of her partner's diagnosis (and experiences it in stages, which is a topic for another critical review, as the existence of Kubler-Ross' "stages" has not been proven with empirical research). Author also mentions GOD (bargaining with God), which assumes that reader has THAT particular belief. The parts of the book where the author identifies what the non-diagnosed partner is "going through" again, is way too simplified and doesn't take into account any past or vicarious trauma she may have experienced. The author also assumes that the reader has natural supports in place (friends, family) and that they are financially capable of obtaining/maintaining the type of psychological treatment needed to maintain their own mental health, while supporting their partner (who is also assumed to be financially able to afford psychological treatment). All-in-all, I found what I managed to actually read of this book to be completely irrelevant to my family's situation. A lot of what I read felt was way off-the-mark, and some of it made me angry. I would wager that this author has minimal personal experience with trauma and that she has taken what her clients have told her and wrapped it up in this best seller. No, I absolutely do NOT recommend.

[Karen Prive · Rating 3 out of 5]

Packed with ideas

The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship presents numerous suggestions on how to cope with the behaviors of a spouse or partner who lives with PTSD. Well-organized, with suggested exercises to help with decision-making. Dr. England repeatedly suggests Al-Anon, which is a great program for loved ones of those with alcohol problems, but I'm surprised she didn't mention the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) which offers support groups for families and friends of those with mental illness (as well as groups for those with their own mental health challenges). Dr. England wobbles down the line between understanding that recovery is up to the person with PTSD and believing that the partner can influence the decision to recover. Still, most of the time she writes of ways the spouse or partner can be healthy in spite of their love one's PTSD. A lot of useful information, and I took what I could use.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be very helpful. There's practical advice and real insight. The case studies help readers comprehend some of the more nuanced guidance but aren't required to read. It appears that this book gives good advice but also doesn't hold back from presenting the reality.

[Sinclair · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not enough about complex PTSD.
[Partial review of the sample only, based on my personal needs.]

[Tracie Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good information to help you understand you are not going mad and neither is your partner - PTSD is that serious.

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some helpful tips. Lots of things I've already been made aware of through VA resources on PTSD & counseling. Worthwhile read as a partner/caregiver nonetheless.

[Jeneva Carron · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great if you don't understand anything about trauma or what's going on with your person after their trauma. Horrible if you understand the basics already.

[Amiee Conner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great information regarding dealing with your spouse/significant other

[Mattie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book awhile ago but I still remember it like it was yesterday. This really helped me heal internally when my SO came home from a deployment. He was distant for a month after he came home and I honestly thought the world was over. I didn't know what was going on or how to handle it. This book taught me to give space. Easier said than done. It taught me that every time an action occurred, there was a reason behind it. When he would say something, this is what it actually meant.

I think what made our relationship stronger because I didn't leave. He had this idea that he had to get rid of something but didn't know what. I gave him space to the point where during the day I would work or spend time with friends and he can do whatever he wanted on his own. It hurt but it allowed me to think about what I wanted out of life and my future. Even if it did not include him. This book talked about separating yourself from them and learning how to help them while helping yourself. I have suggested this book to many people and it has helped them as well.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I checked this book out of the library to better understand what my family is going through. I am not a counselor/have no training, so I have no idea how valid the points in the book are, but a lot of it rang true for me.
I could see myself in the description of the patients, and I could definitely see the self destructive cycle that England calls "Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor" triangle. The book, which is fairly recent, provides website resources for counseling, group therapy, and other important resources. There are also very practical tips for family members who are trying to show someone with PTSD that they need help.
I do think that the book is mostly aimed at PTSD patients who are veterans, but is suited as for families for patients who were victims of a crime.

[Arceli Manliclic]

The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy

[Micheal · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very clear and concise book. A must read for anyone who is married to, friends with, or related to a PTSD sufferer. The exercises are informative and thought provoking, although the "case studies" are a bit bland and IMO unhelpful.

[Bridgett · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book wasn't aimed at me (someone with PTSD instead of a partner of someone with PTSD), but I identified with some of the issues. A lot of it didn't seem relevant to me, though.

[Lynn Hayward-Bisbee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book written so that a non professional understands it easily. A must read for the spouse of a wounded warrior with PTSD.