✰ 3.5 stars ✰
“Sometimes,” Ginny says, “the loneliest place isn’t standing by yourself. It’s standing just a few inches away from what you want.”
“Ginny—” Adrian starts.
“I’m just . . .” She shakes her head. “I’m just sick of it.”
“Of being the only girl?”
“No.” She shades her eyes with one hand, looks right up at Adrian. “Of never being the one that they choose.”
The words pop into Adrian’s head unbidden.
'I would choose you.”
The cover of Guy's Girl certainly does give off the impression that it's a feel-good kind of romantic story; but, it's certainly so much more than that. There were two distinct facets about this story that I very much related to. And while I won't say it's a perfect read, the fact that it did resonate with me on a personal level in how she depicted certain aspects of the story - in such a realistic, candid and genuine manner - that I can't help but appreciate her efforts in doing so.
“None of them asked him so many questions about Hungary that he ran out of stories to tell. None of them made him forget the need to pretend.
Ginny is the first girl who’s made him want to stay.”
The writing was very solid, the premise unique. Ginny and Adrian were interesting characters and I liked how their dynamic unfolded - hesitant but wanting. Ginny yearns for love, Adrian's reluctant to pursue a steady relationship, despite how comfortable he is with Ginny and the one memorable night that they shared. 'Maybe that’s why he’s never been in love. Maybe love is a choice. One he’ll never be able to make.' And for all that Ginny craves that romantic kinship to be loved and wanted - not to be seen as a girl worthy of love - to have affection she so much craves directed towards her, it's that very pursuit that pushes her to make some rather hasty and inappropriate actions - in the face of love and in regards to her health, as well.
“The thing about being a woman in a group of all men is that no matter how close you are —you’re still a girl. And you will always be a girl; and for that one simple, stupid, arbitrary fact, you will never be fully a part of them.”
Throughout school, I was very much the girl that got along best with all the boys - I was their 'dude' - the one who could talk to them easily without fear of the accursed cooties fear, be more at ease around them - to the extent where the girls in my class waged an all-out war with me for favoring the boys in my class over them. Kids, right? 😅 But, even as I entered middle school and high school - even on Valentine's Day, when I would be the one the boys declared as the best girl in the class - I was always the one wistfully looking at all the girls who would receive roses and gifts and chocolates on Valentine's Day. It would be that I would never be the one who boys would ever be attracted to. 😞
And that's something about Ginny's character that connected with me deeply; her insecurities about female friendships, how comfortable and at ease she is more with her male college friends - being the only girl - and still feeling in her heart that she would never be the one who they would fall in love with. 'What do you do when the person you love cannot love you back?' 😔 It was hard to stomach - painful to see how broken-up she was about always feeling that she would never be good enough for their romantic affections - despite how pretty she was or perfectly tuned - she would always be one of the guys - and that searching to find someone who would see more than just that, is where Adrian really stepped up.
“But it’s never enough. You will fail. You will eat. You have to if you want to stay alive. And when you do, your eating disorder will punish you.
She will yell. She will hit. She will tell you that you are nothing without her. That, on your own, you are ugly, fat, unworthy of love. And you will believe her. And you will return to her. Over and over. Over and over.”
When I was younger, I was very self-conscious about my weight - still am, but not to the extreme that I was then. And certainly not the extensive way in which Ginny's eating disorder consumed her, thankfully. But, I remember those days when I would reduce my eating intake just to save up on calories - only to follow up with the next day of gorging out on foods - just to fill up that depletion. The guilt and shame that follows was perfectly captured here. "I am so sick of having an eating disorder. I don’t know what to do with all of this body. I think I’ll just break it instead.' 💔💔 It hits you - that need to expunge - to not only eat to hide your pain and heartbreak away, but then to let go of it - simply to control your body - it really was so honest and hard-hitting. Ginny's voice echoed a lot of those memories, fortunately, ones that I don't have anymore - not that I'm any thinner - just that I am more comfortable with myself. But, her thoughts, that self-deprecating resolve, 'that you can have the best of both worlds', and suffer the consequences of it later with the inevitable guilt and remorse that envelops the stomach at how to rid all that has been consumed - hauntingly raw and viscerally real. 🥺🥺
And that scene - uff, that scene where Adrian found her in the bathroom - gut-wrenching and heart-breaking. Adrian's thunderstruck reaction, Ginny's horrified expression - the shame at being caught - his fierce resolve to protect her and shield her- the entire build-up to that pivotal moment was exquisite. 🤌🏻🤌🏻 I could picture it in my head as it happened, so jarringly perfect it was. It was also this crucial moment that Adrian ceased to be this laidback, uncaring and impassive character for me - the way he comforted her, strove to make her see how much she's hurting herself - the tender way in which he took her to his grandparents' house to look after her. Honestly, the entire trip to Hungary was beautifully written - detailed with imagery and vivid descriptions that brought the city to life and capturing with the utmost care at how Ginny and Adrian found ways to change themselves - for the better. 🤍🤍
I liked Adrian and Ginny together; they were very cute, very warm, and very honest with each other - a candidness that they both appreciated and welcomed without pretense, without fear of being yourself and being judged by it. Ginny's situation really propelled the both of them to examine their own personal issues with a clear mind-frame and gave each of them an opportunity for change. I liked how natural it all came together, even if it took awhile for them to get there. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
“I have one.”
“What is it?”
“Szöszmötöl. It’s a verb that describes when you’re doing something and get so involved in it that the entire rest of the world falls away.”
As much as I did enjoy this, there were still a few grievances that affected me. I would have liked a little more depiction into Ginny's friendship with her roommates - yes, it is enough to know that it's from college that their deep-rooted friendship began, but the love triangle sorta took such a precedent that I didn't get to see much interaction or focus of the other's relationship with her. 🙍🏻♀️ I would have liked a little more of that. The ending also was - a little too abrupt; I appreciate that Ginny and Adrian both have learned something about themselves - for the better - but, it became a bit rushed and slightly, argh, don't make me say it, but cheesy.
For me, it didn't quite tie into the personalities that they had and just - no, it was abrupt. I know that there might be a philosophy that life doesn't have an epilogue - it's still ongoing for us and the characters so why do we need one - but, I think it gives closure to the relationship and their story. And it would make me happy to know that their future is a happy one. Plus, as much as I did feel for Adrian and understand his reluctance and hesitancy in not having a more committed relationship - I think it was something that could have been easily resolved much earlier and much sooner in his own life, so he wouldn't have been so forlorn and lonesome for so long. It just seemed a bit - hmmm, not ridiculous, but a bit unbelievable to me. 🤔
“Anxiety is a surgeon skilled at carving things open that were never meant to be touched in the first place.”
Despite my few grievances, it was still a new experience for me to read, one with a lot of heart to it, even with it's heavy undertones. It's also an honest and deeply moving portrayal of mental illness and eating disorders that I think those who do suffer from it will deeply resonate with them, as well. For it not only shows the destructive side of it, but also the hopeful promise that one can heal from it, too. 🙏🏻🙏🏻