Held Together: A Shared Memoir of Motherhood, Medicine, and Imperfect Love

by Rebecca N. Thompson

"Rebecca Thompson’s moving book proves that there are as many different ways of becoming a family as there are mothers—a personal, compelling reminder of why women’s reproductive health care matters, and why one size does not fit all”—Jodi Picoult, #1 New York Times bestselling author

"Immersive, compassionate, and vulnerable, Held Together invites us to walk with Dr. Thompson as she navigates her own journey to parenthood and the beautiful, messy, uplifting stories of the families she cares for along the way."—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

A primary care physician's moving memoir of navigating a complicated path to motherhood, interwoven with the stories of twenty-one of her patients, friends, and medical colleagues—and sharing the intimate truths of their diverse perspectives on being part of all kinds of families, born and built and chosen.

Seventeen years ago, when Rebecca Thompson endured a string of life-threatening pregnancy losses and rare medical conditions, her training as a physician didn’t protect her from feeling isolated and overwhelmed. What she longed for was a community of women—or even one encouraging story—to reassure her that she wasn’t alone.

Deciding to create the community she couldn’t find in her own time of need, Dr. Thompson reached out to friends, patients, and medical colleagues and asked them to share the stories of their personal journeys to parenthood, as well as stories of how their families grew and changed and thrived as they faced challenges beyond those early years. Held Together explores the intersections of these brave, resilient women’s lives with Dr. Thompson’s own as they encounter a vast range of unexpected turns and obstacles, including fertility issues, adoption, fostering, surrogacy, multiples, abortion, stepparenthood, chronic disease, mental illness, the death of a child, the death of a spouse, and so many moments where grief may threaten to consume us—until joy sometimes surprises us.

The extraordinary stories of ordinary women reveal that, while our individual circumstances may be unique, our experiences are universal in so many we are creating life, raising children, and sustaining families, even as we search for reassurance that we are not alone in our struggles. Held Together offers a place of healing that welcomes every kind of family, a refuge where we make meaning out of our stories and embrace the belief that life can be beautiful in spite of—and sometimes because of—all its complexities and imperfections. Our foundations may not always be strong, but together, we are.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Memoir

464 pages, Hardcover

First published April 8, 2025

Reviews

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never been a mother, and I’ve never had any desire to be a mother. I'm happily child-free. Even so, I found Held Together to be a moving and (surprisingly!) hard-to-put-down book. It’s about much more than pregnancy and childbirth. It turns out that pregnancy — and the sometimes arduous and heart-breaking journeys women take to become pregnant — can be the heart of the parent–child bond, yes, but also the nexus of a whole constellation of connections. Connections among women, men, spouses, partners, friends, neighbors, teachers, bosses, coworkers, doctors, nurses, technicians, and professionals of all kinds. The kinds of connections that hold together communities.

The narrative structure of Held Together, with author Rebecca Thompson’s personal story woven among those of twenty-one other women in her life, conveys this community sensibility powerfully and effectively. Each new story builds on and amplifies the others, making the sum greater than the parts, an imperfect chorus that resonates all the more because of its imperfections. The way a kaleidoscope, full of irregular shards of colorful glass, makes a perfectly unique, wholly unexpected pattern when turned just so.

I also say “imperfections” because the women featured in Held Together are not trying to be perfect. They lay bare the very raw truth of their often painful experiences and the fears and self-doubts that sometimes come along with them. Their stories aren’t “just” pregnancy stories; they are human stories. They’re the stories you may not hear at baby showers or see portrayed in glossy photos on social media. Now, I understand that the colleagues who disappear on parental leave and then suddenly show up at the office with a baby in a stroller may have a much more complicated tale to tell than would meet the eye.

Also: As a longtime reader of medical writing, I relished the clinical aspect of so many of the journeys portrayed in Held Together. The ERs, the NICUs, the many, many conversations with doctors, the ultrasounds, the blood (yes, the blood), the many (many!) tests, and the test results. The waiting for test results. Thompson is a physician, so these details shine, but they’re in no way conveyed in an obtuse or overly technical way. Instead, the clinical details are grounding, and always viewed through the lens of the women who lived them. Readers without a medical background will not feel lost.

Last but not least, Thompson’s prose is beautifully crafted. I found myself admiring individual sentences and the rhythm of her language as much as I relished the stories themselves. Her writing is graceful, unpretentious, and clear, and the chapters and stories are perfectly paced.

I often read books about impossible outdoor adventures that I would never, not in a million years, attempt: treks up Everest, expeditions to the poles, months-long journeys in creaking, weather-blasted ships. In that way, I’m an armchair traveler. As a woman with no kids, I experienced Held Together in a similar way, and it’s with gratitude that I’ve now caught a glimpse of what it means to embark on the extraordinary adventure of motherhood.

[Erin Siegel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved reading these women’s stories. It did bother me how much doctor-hating there was in the first several stories. We actually learn a LOT about hemophilia in med school. And it’s clear that a lot of women misremember what their doctors most likely actually said to them, due to fear/stress/etc. We aren’t “bewildered” about symptoms or conditions that are more rare…I’m not a pediatrician or an ob/gyn and I still knew about every condition discussed. Now that that complaint is out of the way, the book was heartbreaking and heartwarming and everything in between.

[ang · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who is, will be, may or may not be, and will not be a mother— this was so powerful. Throughout I was happy, angry, sad, and sometimes downright heartbroken. Real stories are meant to challenge and stretch the ways we think and believe, and this was exactly that. You begin this book believing one thing and end it with an abundance of respect and empathy for motherhood (or the lack therof). Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC.

[Alexa · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing I know to be true about pregnancy and motherhood is that you surrender any illusion of control and it can be quite a scary ride. What gets you through is connection, which is what this book offers in the form of vignettes about womanhood, motherhood, grief, and love. All of these stories are beautifully written, and I found the book hard to put down.

[Christine Mills · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rebecca Thompson's compilations of stories of mothers all across the country show that motherhood is a profound physical, emotional, and spiritual journey. The courage and strength that each mother shared on the pages will grip you to your core. Held Together shows that becoming a mother begins long before the first tears and cries a newborn echoes in the delivery room. For some it may start with trials and tribulations, difficult fertility treatments, uncooperative partners, health concerns, and question of if I am capable of having a baby. Thompson's novel bears the weight of waiting on the emotional roller coaster of hoping, waiting, and praying for a child. I am so grateful to have read these stories and see how motherhood is a gift.

[Eileen S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book in 3 sittings. I kept thinking of all these stories and how strong these women are for so many reasons. A good read for all mothers, humans and those in the medical field, too.

[J.L. Lycette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tender and unflinching, raw and honest, heartbreaking and beautiful. This memoir on motherhood by a physician and mother struck so many chords with me. Thompson highlights how no mother's journey is the same as another's, yet we allow rifts to form between us when we don't feel we can share our difficulties and losses, in some cases never knowing who's living or has lived a parallel experience. Stories of pregnancy and infant losses are interwoven with those of altruistic surrogacy and miraculous survivals against the odds. From the struggles of infertility to mothers who defy gender roles and expectations to stories of adoption and found family, Thompson shows us there is no one right way to become a mother. As Thompson writes, "...we are all broken but healing...we can heal ourselves only by healing each other." I loved every word of this book.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Saw this at the library, but held off reading it until after Christmas. What a well written, uplifting and sad book. I remember after one of my many pregnancy losses going to the library to find books about miscarriage and infertility. The librarian told me I could only take out two books on a topic, and I cried. I quietly remembered my daughter who died at 23 weeks in October, she would have been thirty. As I read this book, I so remember all the family having babies, and then more.. I had a successful first pregnancy, and thank God for our son, then had nine pregnancy losses over the next 14 years. We adopted a child through social services when our son was eight. It continues to have it's trials and tribulations. Even 30 years on, I still grieve for the family that I imagined and didn't have, Christmas is never what I dreamed. Thanks for this book and these words that were so powerful.

[Katelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Dr. Rebecca Thompson experienced multiple complications while trying to have children, she felt alone. Years later she has known so many other women who went through tough situations to have children, whether through birth or adoption, and she gathers their stories in this book, interwoven with her own. This is an impactful memoir of motherhood and the medical system. I savored each story, told so honestly by the women who contributed to this book.

[Stuart Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

MAGNIFICENT! I feel so lucky, as a man, to have come across this book. I’ve learned so much about women’s health and gained a greater sense of empathy for the challenges and successes of birth, parenthood, and motherhood. I hope more men take the time to read this book as it’s entirely eye opening.

[Lindsay Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Courageous, beautiful, heart wrenching. Personally, I don’t think a first time mom should read this book. These are real and hard stories about women coming into motherhood. What our hearts would do for our babies. ❤️

[Mary Carhart · Rating 3 out of 5]

While not my favorite book of the year, several of the stories within resonated with me, and one brought me to tears. Regardless, the overarching theme: women are badasses.

[Jeni Enjaian]

(I do not rate memoirs.)
Although I will likely never have the opportunity to become a mother, Thompson told these stories of mother - all kinds of motherhood - with such care and compassion. I thoroughly appreciated my reading experience and wish that many more would pick up this book.