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Diary of a Dying Girl
This collection of one girl's real, unflinching diary entries about slowly dying of a terminal illness is an unparalleled exploration of the human spirit and what it means to truly live.
Many of the feelings I write about are too difficult to share while I'm alive, so I'm keeping everything in my journal password-protected until the end.
Mallory Smith was no ordinary girl, and this is no ordinary story. At age three, Mallory was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis--a disease that attacks the internal organs and would eventually kill her.
Despite living on borrowed time, Mallory pursued her volleyball; writing; the environment; becoming a doctor; her boyfriend, family, and friends. Most importantly, every day she chose to embody the mantra "live happy."
Mallory also had her struggles--everything from love and sex to living with illness and just being a human on this planet. And she chronicled every bit of it, writing thousands of diary entries before her death in her twenties.
This is the poignant, true story of a young woman who refused to be defined by chronic illness. Her light and her life are shared here in her own words to encourage everyone to live life to the fullest, as she did, even as she was dying.
Many of the feelings I write about are too difficult to share while I'm alive, so I'm keeping everything in my journal password-protected until the end.
Mallory Smith was no ordinary girl, and this is no ordinary story. At age three, Mallory was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis--a disease that attacks the internal organs and would eventually kill her.
Despite living on borrowed time, Mallory pursued her volleyball; writing; the environment; becoming a doctor; her boyfriend, family, and friends. Most importantly, every day she chose to embody the mantra "live happy."
Mallory also had her struggles--everything from love and sex to living with illness and just being a human on this planet. And she chronicled every bit of it, writing thousands of diary entries before her death in her twenties.
This is the poignant, true story of a young woman who refused to be defined by chronic illness. Her light and her life are shared here in her own words to encourage everyone to live life to the fullest, as she did, even as she was dying.
384 pages, Paperback
Published May 7, 2024
62 people are currently reading
5009 people want to read
About the author
Mallory Smith
4 books64 followersMallory Smith, who grew up in Los Angeles, was a freelance writer and editor specializing in environmental, social justice, and healthcare-related communications. She graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Stanford University and worked as a senior producer at Green Grid Radio, an environmental storytelling radio show and podcast. Her radio work was featured on KCRW, National Radio Project, and State of the Human. She was a fierce advocate for those who suffered from Cystic Fibrosis, launching the viral social media campaign Lunges4Lungs with friends and raising over $5 million with her parents for CF research through the annual Mallory’s Garden event. She passed away at the age of twenty-five on November 15, 2017, two months after receiving a double lung transplant. Mallory’s Legacy Fund has been established in her memory at the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 68 reviews
May 7, 2024
I must confess I totally picked this book because of the author’s name being the same as mine. Let me tell you this was dumb because based on the title I knew how the book ended and it was weird to read about a dying Mallory Smith. I was very intrigued about the journals of someone with chronic illness knowing they were dying and how honest they would be. I would say all of this book felt brutally honest and I appreciated the glimpse into her mind, even if some parts were much more interesting to me than others. I loved that there were snippets or even full journal entries from Mallory’s loved ones, especially at the more chaotic parts of her journey. The title is not lying, this book is heavy and did leave me feeling sad, but it was also interesting as I will admit I didn’t know much about people living with CF. Overall I gave it 3.5 stars rounded up because of the brutal honesty and raw emotional state of the book.
December 27, 2024
not my go to genre, but it was still good
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August 12, 2024Mallory’s mom is coming to meet our class in a few hours. It will be just the 30 of us and her.
I did not initially plan on reading the whole book — we were told to read as much as we wanted — but was struck by how much Mallory’s high school and college diary entries reminded me of myself. Her rumination in high school in California, her time at Stanford, her post-grad time in SF—her accounts of surfing, and Philz, and enjoying Hegel, and the trees at Stanford, and deeper thoughts that struck a surprising parallel to my own.
I presume Mallory’s mom is coming to talk to us about her daughter’s experience with cystic fibrosis, and about the phage therapy that was developed too late to save Mallory but is now saving others with the disease.
I think I’m spending the next four years surrounded by a small group of people who want to spend their lives treating others and inventing new cures. This read was a really good way to start this new chapter.
I did not initially plan on reading the whole book — we were told to read as much as we wanted — but was struck by how much Mallory’s high school and college diary entries reminded me of myself. Her rumination in high school in California, her time at Stanford, her post-grad time in SF—her accounts of surfing, and Philz, and enjoying Hegel, and the trees at Stanford, and deeper thoughts that struck a surprising parallel to my own.
I presume Mallory’s mom is coming to talk to us about her daughter’s experience with cystic fibrosis, and about the phage therapy that was developed too late to save Mallory but is now saving others with the disease.
I think I’m spending the next four years surrounded by a small group of people who want to spend their lives treating others and inventing new cures. This read was a really good way to start this new chapter.
March 31, 2024
So glad I got to read an advanced copy of this book! You will be changed, in a good way, by reading it. It's a page turner about a teenager dealing with all issues teens face - but knowing that she has a disease that will likely kill her. That in itself is not the reason to read this book though. You should read it because Mallory Smith writes with such beauty, compassion and wisdom, you will walk away wiser and more appreciative of your own life after you're done. It's so compelling! And insightful!
May 13, 2025
3.75 stars
April 14, 2024
Diary of a Dying Girl is a collection of Mallory Smith's unflinching diary entries about slowly dying of a terminal illness, Cystic Fibrosis. Many of her feelings were too difficult to share while alive so she kept them in a password-protected journal. Diagnosed at age three with an illness that attacks the internal organs, she lived to the fullest on borrowed time.
The title is what initially grabbed my attention with this new release. What could the diary entries of a dying girl be about? How honest are her journals? Will it help loved ones understand? Will her thoughts mirror mine? Not as a dying girl but as a girl living with a chronic illness.
Diary of a Dying Girl is full of happy and struggling moments. She writes about love, sex, volleyball, the environment, school, friends and family. Toward the end of the book are diary entries from loved ones that give more perspective to her illness, hospitalization and last days.
Mallory Smith passed away at 25 years old, two months after receiving a double lung transplant. Her words will live on in this memoir. It is beautifully written with the innocence of a young intelligent girl with legit fears and wisdom beyond her years.
Happy Early Pub Day! Diary of a Dying Girl will be available Tuesday, May 7.
Disclaimer: An advance copy was received directly from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Opinions are my own and would be the same if I spent my hard-earned coins. ~LiteraryMarie
The title is what initially grabbed my attention with this new release. What could the diary entries of a dying girl be about? How honest are her journals? Will it help loved ones understand? Will her thoughts mirror mine? Not as a dying girl but as a girl living with a chronic illness.
Diary of a Dying Girl is full of happy and struggling moments. She writes about love, sex, volleyball, the environment, school, friends and family. Toward the end of the book are diary entries from loved ones that give more perspective to her illness, hospitalization and last days.
Mallory Smith passed away at 25 years old, two months after receiving a double lung transplant. Her words will live on in this memoir. It is beautifully written with the innocence of a young intelligent girl with legit fears and wisdom beyond her years.
Happy Early Pub Day! Diary of a Dying Girl will be available Tuesday, May 7.
Disclaimer: An advance copy was received directly from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Opinions are my own and would be the same if I spent my hard-earned coins. ~LiteraryMarie
February 19, 2024
Thanks to the publishers at Random House Children's and NetGalley for letting me read this book and write a review. Mallory Smith's stories will continue to be told through her diary entries. The book is written in a diary format. It also shows how Mallory grew up with Cystic Fibrosis and how she manages it.
May 14, 2024
Diary of a Dying Girl is a powerful memoir with excerpts from Mallory Smith’s diary, written between ages 16 and 25, when she died. She was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when she was three, and it took a progressive toll on her. Her determination and strength are remarkable. Despite being chronically ill, Mallory graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Stanford University, was a star athlete, and an environmental journalist.
Through her videos and detailed diary, we hear Mallory transform from a bright and occasionally moody teenager to a wise, mature adult. She articulated what it was like to live with both cystic fibrosis and the multidrug-resistant bacteria that ultimately killed her. Just as people all over the world know what cancer is, Smith wants the impact of antimicrobial resistance to be as widely understood.
Salt in My Soul, the previous book about Mallory, gave more detail about the phage therapy used to try to save her. (Phages are viruses which can kill bacteria—in this case, the B. cepacia which was killing Mallory.)
Mallory’s diary reveals that she felt lonelier than she let on. Although she was often being in pain, Mallory said, “Despite how I feel, I always try to be nice. Being nice to people is a choice, not a disposition.” On days when she finally feels better, she noted, “every single thing I get to
do feels like the most amazing experience in the world, and a lot of people don’t get the chance to feel such intense gratitude so regularly.”
Mallory reflects that she “was naive and excited and happy and growing and changing and trying. Now my heart breaks for that little girl because she thought she had a long future, and my current reality is telling me that I don’t.”…
“If I hadn’t had hope that my future was bright, I would not have stayed resilient throughout months of hospitalizations every year and the inevitable health crises of a chronic illness.”
We have perspective from Mallory’s boyfriend, Jack, as well as her mother. He notes, “Mal had the courage to say, You know what? I don’t just intend to love my life in spite of its limitations. I intend to love fully and completely for every second I can, for as long as I can.”
What comes through in this memoir as well is the strength of Mallory’s parents, who devoted everything to their daughter. Her diary was password protected until after her death. I’m sure that many of Mallory’s unspoken struggles were tough for them to read. Her parents also investigated experimental therapies as well, and now her mom, Diane, compiled this book to educate and to support phage therapy. [Note: I have previously interviewed Diane for stories in Forbes about antimicrobial resistance and phage therapy.]
Diary is an insightful, and sometimes tough read, but well worth taking on.
Through her videos and detailed diary, we hear Mallory transform from a bright and occasionally moody teenager to a wise, mature adult. She articulated what it was like to live with both cystic fibrosis and the multidrug-resistant bacteria that ultimately killed her. Just as people all over the world know what cancer is, Smith wants the impact of antimicrobial resistance to be as widely understood.
Salt in My Soul, the previous book about Mallory, gave more detail about the phage therapy used to try to save her. (Phages are viruses which can kill bacteria—in this case, the B. cepacia which was killing Mallory.)
Mallory’s diary reveals that she felt lonelier than she let on. Although she was often being in pain, Mallory said, “Despite how I feel, I always try to be nice. Being nice to people is a choice, not a disposition.” On days when she finally feels better, she noted, “every single thing I get to
do feels like the most amazing experience in the world, and a lot of people don’t get the chance to feel such intense gratitude so regularly.”
Mallory reflects that she “was naive and excited and happy and growing and changing and trying. Now my heart breaks for that little girl because she thought she had a long future, and my current reality is telling me that I don’t.”…
“If I hadn’t had hope that my future was bright, I would not have stayed resilient throughout months of hospitalizations every year and the inevitable health crises of a chronic illness.”
We have perspective from Mallory’s boyfriend, Jack, as well as her mother. He notes, “Mal had the courage to say, You know what? I don’t just intend to love my life in spite of its limitations. I intend to love fully and completely for every second I can, for as long as I can.”
What comes through in this memoir as well is the strength of Mallory’s parents, who devoted everything to their daughter. Her diary was password protected until after her death. I’m sure that many of Mallory’s unspoken struggles were tough for them to read. Her parents also investigated experimental therapies as well, and now her mom, Diane, compiled this book to educate and to support phage therapy. [Note: I have previously interviewed Diane for stories in Forbes about antimicrobial resistance and phage therapy.]
Diary is an insightful, and sometimes tough read, but well worth taking on.
March 8, 2025
A beautiful memoir of a wonderful person's life cut short by cystic fibrosis, Mallory Smith's writing also serves as an inspiration to me to improve the systems by which people access healthcare. As Mallory points out a couple times in her memoir, she received top-notch care precisely because her family was well resourced and had the spare resources, time, and effort to fight with insurance companies and healthcare providers to ensure that their daughter received the care she deserved. Why do we have a system where it is necessary to _fight_ for the best care?? That said, this is a daunting challenge, and even if I am unable to improve healthcare on this axis, Mallory writes of another dimension of healthcare that deeply frustrated her and caused her additional harm, stress, frustration, and loss of dignity:
"It's not the big, groundbreaking health events. It's not the scariest set of test results. It's the petty frustrations and humiliations that wear on me, overtax my patience and good will, and leave me drained and weakened. It's that moment when you snap at someone because they're the sixth person to ask you if you're pregnant, even though the urine test already came back negative. It's when they don't send a respiratory therapist for seven hours, even though you can't breathe and are in distress, but you can't blame anyone in particular because it's 'the system.' It's when your IV antibiotic hasn't arrived because it wasn't ordered. Why not? The dose is weight-based, and they don't have your weight, even though they could have taken it at any point during the seven hours you were in the ER. It's when circumstances are so absurd they defy logic. It's when the pharmacist tells you that you can't keep certain medications at the bedside -- medications you've kept at the bedside every hospitalization. It's when hospital personnel don't properly gown and glove for your contact isolation status, but then tell your visitors they need to. It's when you call to ask for hot packs because you're shivering so much it's making you cough up a storm, and 20 minutes later, you ask again, and 20 minutes later, you ask a third time, and they tell you not to use them because you have a fever. It's when you finally have a minute alone, so you break down and cry, and right then, someone walks in to take your vitals. It's when four different people each day ask detailed questions about your bowel movements, in front of your visitors. It's when you feel like you're going to have a panic attack and ask for Ativan, and the doctor on call makes you seem like a drug-seeker and says no. It's when you want to go to sleep at 9pm but can't because the nurse/pharmacy is so late with meds that, by the time everything is finally done, you can't sleep."
"It's not the big, groundbreaking health events. It's not the scariest set of test results. It's the petty frustrations and humiliations that wear on me, overtax my patience and good will, and leave me drained and weakened. It's that moment when you snap at someone because they're the sixth person to ask you if you're pregnant, even though the urine test already came back negative. It's when they don't send a respiratory therapist for seven hours, even though you can't breathe and are in distress, but you can't blame anyone in particular because it's 'the system.' It's when your IV antibiotic hasn't arrived because it wasn't ordered. Why not? The dose is weight-based, and they don't have your weight, even though they could have taken it at any point during the seven hours you were in the ER. It's when circumstances are so absurd they defy logic. It's when the pharmacist tells you that you can't keep certain medications at the bedside -- medications you've kept at the bedside every hospitalization. It's when hospital personnel don't properly gown and glove for your contact isolation status, but then tell your visitors they need to. It's when you call to ask for hot packs because you're shivering so much it's making you cough up a storm, and 20 minutes later, you ask again, and 20 minutes later, you ask a third time, and they tell you not to use them because you have a fever. It's when you finally have a minute alone, so you break down and cry, and right then, someone walks in to take your vitals. It's when four different people each day ask detailed questions about your bowel movements, in front of your visitors. It's when you feel like you're going to have a panic attack and ask for Ativan, and the doctor on call makes you seem like a drug-seeker and says no. It's when you want to go to sleep at 9pm but can't because the nurse/pharmacy is so late with meds that, by the time everything is finally done, you can't sleep."
October 31, 2024
"I want to be able to look at my whole life on paper and remember it."
Diary of a Dying Girl is made up of the actual journal entries of Mallory Smith, starting when she was 16 years old, in 2009, to her death when she was 25 years old, in 2017. For most of her life, Mallory has been struggling with the deadly, extremely complicated disease known as cystic fibrosis (CF) .
Despite her severe, life-threatening illness, Mallory remains strong, positive, with an old-soul type of outlook on life and a deeper view of everything in it. But she is also only human, and expresses her deepest-sometimes darkest - feelings and emotions in her personal diaries over the years. Mallory obviously struggled really hard with medical issues revolving around cystic fibrosis, but she also endured the normal struggles that can be so hard for teenagers and young adults, all while trying to feel "normal for her age" despite her illness making her way mature beyond her years.
"Sometimes things are so good, and then sometimes they're so dark. My outlook can shift in a matter of moments. I know I've always been thoughtful, and I've overanalyzed things, but I just feel like I have so many demons now. It's like in two different moments, I can look at the exact same set of data (my life) and get a completely different interpretation. Demons of vanity, insecurity, worry, fear, stress, so many."
This book is Mallory's emotions and thoughts in their rawest form. I found myself highlighting the most lines, quotes, etc. than I ever have in any other Kindle book. Mallory was so full of insight and wisdom, and what she said/valued just made sense.
"There are so many times, actually, pretty much every night before I go to bed, where I lie there, and I think about things and get really pensive. And I have tons of memories that I want to write down, because they make me smile. And things sort of fall into place and make sense, or I have these broad life questions/worries, and I wish I could get them on paper so they could be recorded."
The only reason that I didn't give this book a solid 5 stars is because there was tons of medical stuff that was a little confusing and kind of hard to follow, but it was obviously a major part of Mallory's life, and how do you actually rate someone's diary? Someone's life?
Overall, though, I really do recommend this book. ♡♡♡
Long Live Beautiful Mallory Smith.
Diary of a Dying Girl is made up of the actual journal entries of Mallory Smith, starting when she was 16 years old, in 2009, to her death when she was 25 years old, in 2017. For most of her life, Mallory has been struggling with the deadly, extremely complicated disease known as cystic fibrosis (CF) .
Despite her severe, life-threatening illness, Mallory remains strong, positive, with an old-soul type of outlook on life and a deeper view of everything in it. But she is also only human, and expresses her deepest-sometimes darkest - feelings and emotions in her personal diaries over the years. Mallory obviously struggled really hard with medical issues revolving around cystic fibrosis, but she also endured the normal struggles that can be so hard for teenagers and young adults, all while trying to feel "normal for her age" despite her illness making her way mature beyond her years.
"Sometimes things are so good, and then sometimes they're so dark. My outlook can shift in a matter of moments. I know I've always been thoughtful, and I've overanalyzed things, but I just feel like I have so many demons now. It's like in two different moments, I can look at the exact same set of data (my life) and get a completely different interpretation. Demons of vanity, insecurity, worry, fear, stress, so many."
This book is Mallory's emotions and thoughts in their rawest form. I found myself highlighting the most lines, quotes, etc. than I ever have in any other Kindle book. Mallory was so full of insight and wisdom, and what she said/valued just made sense.
"There are so many times, actually, pretty much every night before I go to bed, where I lie there, and I think about things and get really pensive. And I have tons of memories that I want to write down, because they make me smile. And things sort of fall into place and make sense, or I have these broad life questions/worries, and I wish I could get them on paper so they could be recorded."
The only reason that I didn't give this book a solid 5 stars is because there was tons of medical stuff that was a little confusing and kind of hard to follow, but it was obviously a major part of Mallory's life, and how do you actually rate someone's diary? Someone's life?
Overall, though, I really do recommend this book. ♡♡♡
Long Live Beautiful Mallory Smith.
May 7, 2024
Thank you to Netgalley and Random House Children’s for an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. This book officially publishes on 5/7/24!
This book is not my typical genre recently; however, I was intrigued by the book’s cover and title. This is the type of book that I know is going to stick with me for a long time to come. This book is powerful and moving not just within its pages but also as it applies to the readers’ own lives. Equal parts uplifting and devastating, I knew how this book was going to end based on the foreword but that didn’t stop me from having an emotional reaction. I do highly recommend giving this one a read, but as the subject matter can be heavy please check any relevant trigger warnings before doing so.
This book is not my typical genre recently; however, I was intrigued by the book’s cover and title. This is the type of book that I know is going to stick with me for a long time to come. This book is powerful and moving not just within its pages but also as it applies to the readers’ own lives. Equal parts uplifting and devastating, I knew how this book was going to end based on the foreword but that didn’t stop me from having an emotional reaction. I do highly recommend giving this one a read, but as the subject matter can be heavy please check any relevant trigger warnings before doing so.
December 16, 2025
Ever wonder a person who’s dying thoughts? Diary of a Dying Girl by Mallory Smith is a fiction book based on a diary of a girl with a severe sickness who is slowly dying. The main character of this story,not giving a name throughout the story, comes across as a girl with gratitude and very joyful, hiding her sickness. People know about her sickness but forget about it because how good she’s been doing walking it off. In her diary, it describes what she has gone through and moments in her life that were worth and meant so much to her.
Coming off a personal opinion this story is a beautiful yet touchy book in so many ways. As someone who has had losses due to sicknesses I could somewhat relate and understand what she was writing. This book can teach the importance of every moment in life. This story can also give you a lesson on appreciation. I highly recommend this book for people who have gone through the same thing, losing people they love, to give them some closure and hope.
Coming off a personal opinion this story is a beautiful yet touchy book in so many ways. As someone who has had losses due to sicknesses I could somewhat relate and understand what she was writing. This book can teach the importance of every moment in life. This story can also give you a lesson on appreciation. I highly recommend this book for people who have gone through the same thing, losing people they love, to give them some closure and hope.
September 24, 2024
This obviously got more difficult to read as it went along simply due to knowing how it will all work out. I'm glad Mallory was able to write down and share most of her story along the way and that she was able to find love and have the continued support of her family. Of course you wish things had a better outcome but I'm happy her memory and life get to live on.
Thanks to Random House Children's and NetGalley for allowing me an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Thanks to Random House Children's and NetGalley for allowing me an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
November 20, 2024
I fell weird writing someone’s actual story. My heart breaks for her but also this really did feel like it was written my a teenage girl (which it was) and was kind of all over the place and mediocre. Idk I’ll give it 3.5 simply because it must take a lot of dedication to write something while also dying.
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December 16, 2024Wow. As a nurse who works in the cystic fibrosis world, this was incredibly hard, overwhelming, and eye opening to read (well, listen to). It was like being inside the head of so many of my patients. While there have been so many advances in CF treatment and medications, this is still the story of so many CF patients. Highly recommend, especially for anyone in the medical field (not just CF).
March 22, 2025
I love books that bring prospective to what other people experience especially during chronic illness and hospitalization. This would be a book that should I ever become a professor and teach my students would be required to read this. So important to understand the patient. It’s raw and real and an easy read.
May 27, 2024
Wow. Such an inspiring and heart wrenching read.
August 23, 2024
This is an important read, because it shows that we are not defined by our conditions. Mallory‘s courage and zest for life as she faces the unfathomable is admirable and heartbreaking. Most,moving are the excerpts where her family and loved ones write about her.
August 12, 2024
Such a beautifully tragic story of a girl who lived her life to the fullest and fought a hard fight to the end.
March 23, 2025
Diary of a Dying Girl is a young-adult adaptation of Salt in My Soul, which I haven't read so I can't comment on any differences between the two books (although the afterword for Diary of a Dying Girl is probably new, as it includes some reflection on Salt in My Soul).
This book, along with its predecessor, were published posthumously and are based on journal entries written by Mallory Smith spanning nearly a decade (from 2009 when Mallory was 16 years old, until Mallory's death in 2017 when she was only 24 years old) with the hope that her story will help others living with, or those who knows someone living with, cystic fibrosis, invisible illnesses, and/or chronic illnesses.
Mallory lived with a chronic illness for most of her life, but it never stopped her from living her life to the fullest - her goal was always to pursue happiness and focus on love because life is short. She was an avid swimmer and (aside from her frequent visits to the hospital) her early diary entries as a teenager dealt with fairly normal teenage stuff like boys, feelings of belonging, and her struggles with body image (and the constant fight between maintaining good health and a desirable body). She would detail her goals and dreams, her plan on achieving these, and her frustration when things don't go as planned. She was very intelligent and it was made evident by how introspective and reflective her diary entries were, even as a teenager.
There is a level of maturity in her writing (even when she discusses teenage-y issues like boys) that is surprising, but which is likely attributed to her constant battle with her illness and her limited time left on this earth.
As Mallory grew older, her health worsened and the diary entries from the two years leading up to her untimely death was distressing to read. The details about being on the transplant list - including the stress and uncertainty was emotional, and the added journal entries from Mallory's mom and boyfriend as Mallory was undergoing and recovering from surgery added another emotional layer to reading experience.
Finally, I want to acknowledge the beautiful afterword written by Mallory's boyfriend, Jack. It made me happy that Mallory got to experience love and had someone who loved her so dearly during the final years of her life. This afterword appears to be a new or different afterword from the original book as Jack reflects on the reception and questions that he's received from the first book.
On a general note, this book includes a lot of medical terms that I was unfamiliar with so I would have appreciated it with the book included a glossary or additional explanations about CF and the treatments that Mallory underwent (although for the most part, details of Mallory's hospital experiences were provided in great detail).
Audiobook Comments:
I listened to the audiobook at x1.4 speed. But audiobook narration was good, but I would've preferred if they had different narrators read Mallory's mom and Jack's journal entries.
*** #15 of my 2024 Book Riot Read Harder Challenge - Read a YA nonfiction book. ***
This book, along with its predecessor, were published posthumously and are based on journal entries written by Mallory Smith spanning nearly a decade (from 2009 when Mallory was 16 years old, until Mallory's death in 2017 when she was only 24 years old) with the hope that her story will help others living with, or those who knows someone living with, cystic fibrosis, invisible illnesses, and/or chronic illnesses.
Mallory lived with a chronic illness for most of her life, but it never stopped her from living her life to the fullest - her goal was always to pursue happiness and focus on love because life is short. She was an avid swimmer and (aside from her frequent visits to the hospital) her early diary entries as a teenager dealt with fairly normal teenage stuff like boys, feelings of belonging, and her struggles with body image (and the constant fight between maintaining good health and a desirable body). She would detail her goals and dreams, her plan on achieving these, and her frustration when things don't go as planned. She was very intelligent and it was made evident by how introspective and reflective her diary entries were, even as a teenager.
There is a level of maturity in her writing (even when she discusses teenage-y issues like boys) that is surprising, but which is likely attributed to her constant battle with her illness and her limited time left on this earth.
As Mallory grew older, her health worsened and the diary entries from the two years leading up to her untimely death was distressing to read. The details about being on the transplant list - including the stress and uncertainty was emotional, and the added journal entries from Mallory's mom and boyfriend as Mallory was undergoing and recovering from surgery added another emotional layer to reading experience.
Finally, I want to acknowledge the beautiful afterword written by Mallory's boyfriend, Jack. It made me happy that Mallory got to experience love and had someone who loved her so dearly during the final years of her life. This afterword appears to be a new or different afterword from the original book as Jack reflects on the reception and questions that he's received from the first book.
On a general note, this book includes a lot of medical terms that I was unfamiliar with so I would have appreciated it with the book included a glossary or additional explanations about CF and the treatments that Mallory underwent (although for the most part, details of Mallory's hospital experiences were provided in great detail).
Audiobook Comments:
I listened to the audiobook at x1.4 speed. But audiobook narration was good, but I would've preferred if they had different narrators read Mallory's mom and Jack's journal entries.
*** #15 of my 2024 Book Riot Read Harder Challenge - Read a YA nonfiction book. ***
July 25, 2024
Tearjerker for sure. To listen to the words of Mallory Smith, who spoke of her illness with such candor...wow. I hope more research for CF will change things for the future.
July 14, 2024
Such an incredible story. While it was so heartbreaking and difficult to read knowing the outcome, I throughly enjoyed this book. All of the journal entries were so honest and open. I feel like I learned so much about CF, which was something I did not know really anything about prior. Many of the more general high school/ college entries about life and growing up were all very relatable and described so well. Definitely recommend.
April 7, 2024
#NetGalleyARC I really enjoyed this book and learned a lot from it. I highly enjoy reading about people and learning about their lives, especially when the story is told in their own words. I haven't read the original adaptation but I may now. A great and must read.
April 10, 2024
A really compelling, fascinating look at chronic illness and grappling with mortality. I was reading this on Thanksgiving, and all I could think about was how grateful I am for my health and that of my family. I admit to checking the summary/bio somewhere in the middle to find out when she died. I knew it was going to happen, and I needed to prepare myself because I was totally invested in her experiences and each time she was hospitalized, I was stressing about the outcome. Mallory acknowledges her privilege, both financially and through the tremendous support of her parents that literally kept her alive. She watched friends die of her same disease, but had a tremendous will to live, to pursue happiness, and to leave a positive impact on the world. It was such an intimate experience to be reading her actual journal entries and also interesting to see her writing change as she grew from high school student to college grad to independent adult.
April 9, 2025
“We are the writers of our own story. That our story will someday end is inevitable for all of us, but how we get there is not.” ~Mallory Smith
Diary of a dying girl is the inspirational story of Mallory Smith, a Cystic Fibrosis patient. It takes the reader throughout the ups and downs of Mallory’s life from age 16 to her death at 25.
When I picked up this book, I thought it was fictional. So you can imagine my surprise when I realized that it was an actual journal! But it turned out to be an even better read than I thought.
As I read this book, I cried, I laughed, and I learned so much about experiences different from my own. I never had the honor of knowing Mallory, but reading this book made me feel like I did. I got to know her through various entries spanning months and years.
As a teenager reading this book, I genuinely think that other teens should read it as well. It gives you a new perspective on life and things that healthy people seem to take for granted. The inspiration this book has given me will follow me throughout my teenage and adult years.
Mallorys wisdom and just pure strength shown throughout her journal is absolutely amazing. She went through so much, and her life was cut much too short. She got to live and love more than most people do in a lifetime. Im so glad I could experience her legacy. For this book, I am deeply grateful. Rest in peace, Mallory.
Diary of a dying girl is the inspirational story of Mallory Smith, a Cystic Fibrosis patient. It takes the reader throughout the ups and downs of Mallory’s life from age 16 to her death at 25.
When I picked up this book, I thought it was fictional. So you can imagine my surprise when I realized that it was an actual journal! But it turned out to be an even better read than I thought.
As I read this book, I cried, I laughed, and I learned so much about experiences different from my own. I never had the honor of knowing Mallory, but reading this book made me feel like I did. I got to know her through various entries spanning months and years.
As a teenager reading this book, I genuinely think that other teens should read it as well. It gives you a new perspective on life and things that healthy people seem to take for granted. The inspiration this book has given me will follow me throughout my teenage and adult years.
Mallorys wisdom and just pure strength shown throughout her journal is absolutely amazing. She went through so much, and her life was cut much too short. She got to live and love more than most people do in a lifetime. Im so glad I could experience her legacy. For this book, I am deeply grateful. Rest in peace, Mallory.
May 12, 2024
This collection of one girl's real, unflinching diary entries about slowly dying of a terminal illness is an unparalleled exploration of the human spirit and what it means to truly live.
Many of the feelings I write about are too difficult to share while I'm alive, so I'm keeping everything in my journal password-protected until the end.
Mallory Smith was no ordinary girl, and this is no ordinary story. At age three, Mallory was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis--a disease that attacks the internal organs and would eventually kill her.
Despite living on borrowed time, Mallory pursued her volleyball; writing; the environment; becoming a doctor; her boyfriend, family, and friends. Most importantly, every day she chose to embody the mantra "live happy."
Mallory also had her struggles--everything from love and sex to living with illness and just being a human on this planet. And she chronicled every bit of it, writing thousands of diary entries before her death in her twenties.
This is the poignant, true story of a young woman who refused to be defined by chronic illness. Her light and her life are shared here in her own words to encourage everyone to live life to the fullest, as she did, even as she was dying.
Many of the feelings I write about are too difficult to share while I'm alive, so I'm keeping everything in my journal password-protected until the end.
Mallory Smith was no ordinary girl, and this is no ordinary story. At age three, Mallory was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis--a disease that attacks the internal organs and would eventually kill her.
Despite living on borrowed time, Mallory pursued her volleyball; writing; the environment; becoming a doctor; her boyfriend, family, and friends. Most importantly, every day she chose to embody the mantra "live happy."
Mallory also had her struggles--everything from love and sex to living with illness and just being a human on this planet. And she chronicled every bit of it, writing thousands of diary entries before her death in her twenties.
This is the poignant, true story of a young woman who refused to be defined by chronic illness. Her light and her life are shared here in her own words to encourage everyone to live life to the fullest, as she did, even as she was dying.
October 30, 2024
i just finished this, and cried at the end. it feels wrong to rate this book, it is not a fictional story, it is her at her most vulnerable, her innermost thoughts and feelings that people never saw.
i feel like i know mallory. reading that she died just crushed me after everything she had done to stay alive. i knew she died, it says on the back cover. but as she recovered from transplant, i hoped that the book was wrong. that she would wake up, and would live a long and happy life. my heart was beating out of my chest as i got closer and closer to the end.
this is such a tragic story, but it helped me feel pain that i never would have before, and showed me the first hand events of a cystic fibrous patient, and how people are not always as ok as they seem. it showed me up close and personal all the effects of a chronic terminal illness.
i feel like we relate on some level. i related so much to her journals in high school and the beginning of college, and it really showed me that other people feel this way too. i underlined, starred, and drew smiley and frowny faces in the margins throughout the whole book. thank you for your story, mallory
i feel like i know mallory. reading that she died just crushed me after everything she had done to stay alive. i knew she died, it says on the back cover. but as she recovered from transplant, i hoped that the book was wrong. that she would wake up, and would live a long and happy life. my heart was beating out of my chest as i got closer and closer to the end.
this is such a tragic story, but it helped me feel pain that i never would have before, and showed me the first hand events of a cystic fibrous patient, and how people are not always as ok as they seem. it showed me up close and personal all the effects of a chronic terminal illness.
i feel like we relate on some level. i related so much to her journals in high school and the beginning of college, and it really showed me that other people feel this way too. i underlined, starred, and drew smiley and frowny faces in the margins throughout the whole book. thank you for your story, mallory
September 7, 2024
Having lived with multiple chronic illnesses for over half of my life, I’m always looking for books with an honest portrayal of life with one. I absolutely loved this memoir because that is exactly what this is - yes there are heartbreaking and hard moments in Mallory’s life. But her outlook and commitment to living her best life for the time she had, finding the good in things and trying to push past the fear and sadness was so inspiring. She was not willing to just sit on the sidelines, she played volleyball, found love, spent time with friends and family, went to school, and did so much in what little time she had on earth. This is not a book I flew through, it’s one I digested a little at a time over 5 weeks. It’s also one that will sit with me for a long time.
This is the YA version of Salt in My Soul: An Unfinished Life and I thought it was beautifully done and age appropriate. It’s an emotional read for sure, but there is so much heart and uplifting poignant moments and wisdom far beyond her years. Highly recommend!!
This is the YA version of Salt in My Soul: An Unfinished Life and I thought it was beautifully done and age appropriate. It’s an emotional read for sure, but there is so much heart and uplifting poignant moments and wisdom far beyond her years. Highly recommend!!
November 17, 2024
I genuinely struggled with giving this book 3 stars because the author’s story is so moving, and she has clearly been through so much. She seems like the kind of person I would have loved to know and would have been great friends with. I also deeply appreciated how much I learned about cystic fibrosis—something I knew very little about before reading this.
That said, as an adult reader, I found that a significant portion of the book centered on teenage drama. While this makes sense given her age and the experiences she was reflecting on, I found myself skimming through those sections. I think if I had read this 15 years ago, when I was closer in age to her, it would have resonated with me much more deeply.
Overall, this is an important and heartfelt book that I think younger readers will especially connect with, and I’m glad I had the chance to read it and gain a better understanding of life with CF.
That said, as an adult reader, I found that a significant portion of the book centered on teenage drama. While this makes sense given her age and the experiences she was reflecting on, I found myself skimming through those sections. I think if I had read this 15 years ago, when I was closer in age to her, it would have resonated with me much more deeply.
Overall, this is an important and heartfelt book that I think younger readers will especially connect with, and I’m glad I had the chance to read it and gain a better understanding of life with CF.
April 13, 2025
3.5 ⭐️
“I just have this existentialist view that there’s nothing after this, this is all we’re ever going to have, so if you’re not actively pursuing happiness then you’re insane.”
“The way forward would seem obvious if only I knew how many months or year I had left, tell me three months, I’d spend time with my family. Tell me a year I’d write a book.”
“Until I actually die, I am still living.”
“How lucky we are to be alive. How lucky anyone is who has their health. How appreciative we should be of anything that’s in our control, since our health is not. That love and happiness are the most important things to strive for. That ultimately, we shouldn’t give a damn what other people think, because everyone’s making their own way and everyone’s facing different struggles that others aren’t aware of.”
“Though I remember nothing of the plots of the books I’ve read, nonetheless, they’ve made me.”
“I just have this existentialist view that there’s nothing after this, this is all we’re ever going to have, so if you’re not actively pursuing happiness then you’re insane.”
“The way forward would seem obvious if only I knew how many months or year I had left, tell me three months, I’d spend time with my family. Tell me a year I’d write a book.”
“Until I actually die, I am still living.”
“How lucky we are to be alive. How lucky anyone is who has their health. How appreciative we should be of anything that’s in our control, since our health is not. That love and happiness are the most important things to strive for. That ultimately, we shouldn’t give a damn what other people think, because everyone’s making their own way and everyone’s facing different struggles that others aren’t aware of.”
“Though I remember nothing of the plots of the books I’ve read, nonetheless, they’ve made me.”
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