There are times I am incapable of carrying one idea through two sentences, and I am surrounded by a flock of independent thoughts, like birds in a private aviary, some sentenced, some half-sentenced, sometimes words without thoughts -- and I am tempted to catch them and write them as they hop from one side of my mind to the other -- or there are times when I see these thoughts in a more collected from of mind (small birds asleep on their perches) and I am tempted to lay them out in order like cigarette papers when several joints are being rolled at once, like gummed leaves, gummed because they must be capable of being stuck to one another in some way, they are all from the same Mind.
Here Oriental Piglins were to pelt eccentric Hakuin with baby octopi. Here Pericles was to be persecuted with the arrest of his architects. Here Allen was to be begged not to let food fall on this page, grains of tobacco, even in the oldest books dusty patches of black and white back at the fold blooms of mold ashes from the pipe of a man settled down to read away an evening. Here Sheeper was to pose in vain for his portrait as a leaf gum artist. Here Sheeper was to spare you a digression on his cock. (He wrote one and dumped it. It was to go right here -- the principle being not to let any hold parenthetical or otherwise slip by without stuffing it. O learn from the Arabs!) Here Allen was to yap and yell at you to cut out all your conceits. O let me keep one page or preteritions -- as Helioglabus pled before the whole Roman army to be left just a single queer love.
Here Franco, standing in his bathroom, was to shave the black hairs from his fingers. Here David, standing naked in the stall shower of his family's master bedroom, was to have a fourth go at his wrists, and the last pair of scars not yet blanched. In my dreams his hands come down on me like parachutes. Here Piglin, having come out too pretty, was to suffer a little-finger pile or chronic ass-itch, or a sprinkling of big warts on his hands. Piglin and David have the same complexion, and there is a pig-sticking quality to the fog of suicide which surrounds David.
Professor X complains I have no loyalty to my characters and neglect to tell what finally happens to them all. But this is an English ship on the Spanish main, my dear Professor, a gold-hound with a very short ganglplank.
Professor X complains that sex as I describe it is all itches, that I don't trust any human emotion enough to carry it beneath the skin. But I do trust the news before 1910, assigning such reportorial boners as the great Throne Room griffon hatching eggs (when the point was the first chiaroscuro in Western art) to the pedantical drone of Sir Arthur Evans. And I trust all early advertisements and directions, for example for Fitting Eyeglasses, printed on the inside of a box cover along about 1868 or 1869. As far as human emotions go, I fabricate them like a boxful of old-fashioned eyeglasses -- no matter how deep in the box you go the emotion is like a pair of spectacles, with gold wire frames at that, or a pince-nez. I see a farmer's wife with just such a pair of spectacles, sticking a pig. In the farmhouse a light wind is blowing thin flowered curtains.
Professor X complains that my book is about style, and that's all it's about. He is right. All you reading rate controller addicts and skimmers, all you commuters who want some meat in a novel, leave mine alone. (Fuck the rhetoric, he is wrong. This book is about a mental shift.) But the style of this memoir is the style of my life as I lived it, the style of my skin disease. I do not attempt to represent the style of my life by the style of my writing, the styles are the same, they are identical. I am indifferent to whether I have intercourse with words or feelings or people, the One Style encrusts and encompasses them all. And, making allowances for goodness and badness, it is the same type of style which insects manifest and which fashion designers employ. Take any male fashion designer who loves to be fucked in the ass, or any queer copywriter or advertising artist. The style of their work, in all its corruption, is the same as the style of this memoir. Is it Good? Who knows. I have to employ it until the itch stops.
Professor X complains that my style too obtrudes and names ten writers who have rubbed out their own. But for them the margins of a page are a window frame. They are window cleaners who want to show you life, they wash away the lines of print. I have writers who put their tongue to this use. "It is the perfection of art to conceal art" makes me shudder. I want the printed line to intrude constantly, I want the reader's focus to shift continually, I want each image broken and complemented by a word or sound and fixed by the spike of style the way a cucumber is spoiled and preserved by pickling or a snapshot held on the wall by a ten-penny nail. And besides, I want to express no thought which is not involuted, no idea which is not intertwined like garlands with literal print on the literal page. Everything is itch and scratch, skin, surface, and advertising copy. Everything is sensation, there is no tenderness here, there are mirrors. You want a telescope? Shoeblack on the rim. For, you buy a parrot on the U.S. black market (come down with psittacosis two weeks later), bring it home, pluck it screaming and squawking ("What you doing to that goddamn bird, I'll call the police, sex maniac, go pull out your own feathers" -- how the fuck she can hear the bird above her soap operas blasting all day long) -- that's what writing a sentence is, and all you fans of Henry James, prose bungler and polysyllabizer, open your eyes. Here everything shimmers, shatters, shivers, or gleams falsely, unattainably, like gold. Or everything is the SWEET dull first pale break of gold (Piglin crushes his wedding band).
I am a light wind blowing thin flowered curtains, and boys where they want to go, while prose is a tiny candle flame flickering, and the wind makes a curtain bottom creep on the sill like a spider.
Franco, I worship your style, I am a Fascist. The death of the Jews, the wraiths of Lidice or Alcubierre, the Plaza de Catalunya, rats apanic at each other, your Spanish Moroccans, maricones, brown soldiers with a bundle of rods -- Franco your mausoleum, your Dali, the black church of Spain, valley of the fallen, Infanta, the kiss of hemophilia. Franco you black flower, I want your hand in soft places (Whitman, old man, turn in your sleep). The pinch of steel kisses. Franco you worship Death and know Death and marble and black Catholic cities. Franco, generalissimo, stab me (Ethiopian), Baudelaire of Spanish rumbling, black Iberia, the glacier of Pericles, thin blue flower. Back to crematory smoke. Pirate, your flat sad arrogant face, sweet hands. The lace and lisp of the Infanta are in your face, Franco. Franco, Hadrian, the death you spread over Spain like wildflowers.