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Parenting the QBQ Way, Expanded Edition: How to be an Outstanding Parent and Raise Great Kids Using the Power of Personal Accountability
How often have we heard complaints like these?
“Why don’t my kids do what I say?”
“Who made the mess in here?”
“When will my teen make better choices?”
These are the kinds of questions that parents ask that lead not only to complaining, but to victim thinking, procrastination, and blaming. The solution: Learn to parent the QBQ® way – and bring personal accountability to life within our families. Based on the same concepts that have made John Miller’s signature work, QBQ: The Question Behind the Question, an international bestseller over the last decade, Parenting the QBQ Way provides the tool called the QBQ or The Question Behind the Question that will help every parent look behind questions such as “Why won’t my kids listen?” or “When will they do what I ask?” to find better ones—QBQs—like “What can I do differently?” or “How can I improve as a parent?” This simple but challenging concept turns the focus – and responsibility – back to parents and to what they can do to make a difference.
With thoughtful commentary, observation, and advice, illustrated with engaging and memorable anecdotes that are the hallmarks of John Miller’s previous books, Parenting the QBQ Way provides all moms and dads with the means and inspiration to be more effective parents – as well as teach their children how to practice their own brand of personal accountability – to create a happy, healthy family for a lifetime.
“Why don’t my kids do what I say?”
“Who made the mess in here?”
“When will my teen make better choices?”
These are the kinds of questions that parents ask that lead not only to complaining, but to victim thinking, procrastination, and blaming. The solution: Learn to parent the QBQ® way – and bring personal accountability to life within our families. Based on the same concepts that have made John Miller’s signature work, QBQ: The Question Behind the Question, an international bestseller over the last decade, Parenting the QBQ Way provides the tool called the QBQ or The Question Behind the Question that will help every parent look behind questions such as “Why won’t my kids listen?” or “When will they do what I ask?” to find better ones—QBQs—like “What can I do differently?” or “How can I improve as a parent?” This simple but challenging concept turns the focus – and responsibility – back to parents and to what they can do to make a difference.
With thoughtful commentary, observation, and advice, illustrated with engaging and memorable anecdotes that are the hallmarks of John Miller’s previous books, Parenting the QBQ Way provides all moms and dads with the means and inspiration to be more effective parents – as well as teach their children how to practice their own brand of personal accountability – to create a happy, healthy family for a lifetime.
161 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 2012
17 people are currently reading
380 people want to read
About the author
John G. Miller
34 books39 followersJohn G. Miller is the founder of QBQ, Inc., an organizational development company dedicated to making personal accountability a core value for organizations and individuals. QBQ, Inc. has worked with hundreds of Fortune 500 and other companies and governmental and non-government organizations internationally. Miller, who appears frequently on national television and radio, is the author of the bestselling QBQ! The Question Behind the Question and Flipping the Switch: Five Keys to Success at Work and in Life. He lives in Denver.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
February 27, 2013
This book is - in my opinion - a must read for any parent who wants to raise children that will NOT conform to the entitlement mentality that seems to be prevalent in our society today. The QBQ is the "Question Behind the Question", and this book is a spin-off of the original "QBQ" concept designed for the business world. My husband had read the original book and really believed in the content, so when I saw that there was a parenting counterpart I knew we had to read it.
The book gives tips and tricks for how to raise children to have a sense of personal accountability. It focuses on asking questions that begin with "What" and "How" rather than "Why", and encourages us to own our own behavior when it comes to interacting with our kids. I know that for us, we want to raise our son to be a hard worker, to take ownership of his actions, and to want to continuously improve upon himself. In order for him to do that, we need to be making sure we model that ourselves... a tall order to be sure since it is counter to the way most people think/act, but one that is of considerable value.
Again, I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to parent in a way that will buck the entitlement mentality. Be prepared to start making some immediate changes to your behavior and be excited to see what can happen... I know I am!
The book gives tips and tricks for how to raise children to have a sense of personal accountability. It focuses on asking questions that begin with "What" and "How" rather than "Why", and encourages us to own our own behavior when it comes to interacting with our kids. I know that for us, we want to raise our son to be a hard worker, to take ownership of his actions, and to want to continuously improve upon himself. In order for him to do that, we need to be making sure we model that ourselves... a tall order to be sure since it is counter to the way most people think/act, but one that is of considerable value.
Again, I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to parent in a way that will buck the entitlement mentality. Be prepared to start making some immediate changes to your behavior and be excited to see what can happen... I know I am!
November 30, 2013
Great parenting book. Highly recommend.
Some takeaways:
The wrong questions to ask are, "Why is my child so difficult?" and "When will he change?" The right questions to ask would be: "What have I done to create my current problems?" and "How can I start parenting differently?"
QBQ questions begin with the words: What or How not Why, When or Who.
QBQ questions always focus on action. Personal accountability is all about engaging in positive behavior now.
Examples: What can I do to identify and eliminate my own entitlement thinking? How can I demonstrate a solid work ethic for my children? What can I do today to teach my kids the importance of learning more? What action can I take today to make a difference? How can I handle this problem now? How can I be more patient? What can I do to keep learning? How can I better teach my valued to my child?
Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. Helen Keller
God has promised forgiveness to your repentance, but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination. Saint Augustine
The virtue of a man ought to be measured not by his extraordinary exertions but by his everyday conduct. Blaise Paschal
In the end, it's not what you do for your children, but what you've taught them to do for themselves. Ann Landers
I am still learning. Michelangelo
Ask your kids, "What can I do to be a better dad/mom for you?" "How can I improve?" This shows humility.
The reality is our children often become what we expect of them. What can I do to elevate my expectations and communicate them to my children?"
Many parents believe it's their job to make a child want to succeed at a task or achieve a goal. In the long run, we are more successful at "letting them be them" when we come to embrace this healthy truth: A PARENT SHOULD NOT BE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE CHILD'S SUCCESS OR FAILURE THAN THE CHILD IS.
Some takeaways:
The wrong questions to ask are, "Why is my child so difficult?" and "When will he change?" The right questions to ask would be: "What have I done to create my current problems?" and "How can I start parenting differently?"
QBQ questions begin with the words: What or How not Why, When or Who.
QBQ questions always focus on action. Personal accountability is all about engaging in positive behavior now.
Examples: What can I do to identify and eliminate my own entitlement thinking? How can I demonstrate a solid work ethic for my children? What can I do today to teach my kids the importance of learning more? What action can I take today to make a difference? How can I handle this problem now? How can I be more patient? What can I do to keep learning? How can I better teach my valued to my child?
Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. Helen Keller
God has promised forgiveness to your repentance, but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination. Saint Augustine
The virtue of a man ought to be measured not by his extraordinary exertions but by his everyday conduct. Blaise Paschal
In the end, it's not what you do for your children, but what you've taught them to do for themselves. Ann Landers
I am still learning. Michelangelo
Ask your kids, "What can I do to be a better dad/mom for you?" "How can I improve?" This shows humility.
The reality is our children often become what we expect of them. What can I do to elevate my expectations and communicate them to my children?"
Many parents believe it's their job to make a child want to succeed at a task or achieve a goal. In the long run, we are more successful at "letting them be them" when we come to embrace this healthy truth: A PARENT SHOULD NOT BE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE CHILD'S SUCCESS OR FAILURE THAN THE CHILD IS.
April 14, 2022
I enjoyed this book. I plan to use the twelve QBQ principles. It will be hard at times, but worth it. QBQ: Question behind the question. It is defined as a practical tool that allows parents to practice personal accountability by making better choices.
This is an easy read and I took notes.
I feel like this book is a great example of "eat the meat, spit out the bones". If certain principles don't apply to your family dynamic, that's fine. Use the parts that do.
This is an easy read and I took notes.
I feel like this book is a great example of "eat the meat, spit out the bones". If certain principles don't apply to your family dynamic, that's fine. Use the parts that do.
July 1, 2015
This book addresses parenting issues. It deals with the main issue of who is accountable for raising your children. The authors give inside to help parents to understand maybe some of the problems you face are because you are not asking the right question.
QBQ - means the Question behind the Question. Many times we seem to ask the question "When will my son/daughter do _____?" That shifts the focus and the accountability from ourselves to someone else (our kids). When the better question is "What can I do to help my child do _____?" That focuses us on the only person we can control, ourself.
Stop being a victim, stop being part of the problem. Hold yourself accountable and then hold your child/ren accountable as well.
QBQ - means the Question behind the Question. Many times we seem to ask the question "When will my son/daughter do _____?" That shifts the focus and the accountability from ourselves to someone else (our kids). When the better question is "What can I do to help my child do _____?" That focuses us on the only person we can control, ourself.
Stop being a victim, stop being part of the problem. Hold yourself accountable and then hold your child/ren accountable as well.
June 23, 2018
This book appeals to parents and teachers a like because of its focus on personal accountability. In general this approach seems to help parents look to their behavior and expectations first in a sort of log in your own eye and plank in your kids (or others) eye situation. This approach isn’t a Christian based book but does have some general Christian principles are paired with a good understanding of the Bible this can be a helpful resource. While I do agree that children to some extent are a product of our parenting I think this is a simplistic point without addressing issues such as background for an adoptive/foster child, and special needs of any type to name a few. In this generation of no accountability erring on the side of taking on more responsibility rather than less is still beneficial. I would recommend a cautious reading of this book to other Christian families and to read through the lense of Scripture.
May 5, 2017
Я эту книгу купила давно, она стояла и ждала свое время на полке. Но после прочтения других книг по воспитанию + множества статей про саморазвитие в предыдущие годы, я бы не сказала, что на меня прям очень сильное впечатление произвела эта книга. Тем не менее, не скажу, что совсем бесполезна - я ее дочитала до конца. Для меня это был a good reminder + источник разных интересных примеров и ситуаций. Когда понимаешь, что с такими же вещами сталкиваются другие люди, становится легче :)
August 31, 2023
An awesome take on using simple mindset change to do better parenting. Though the concept is same across all the books from this author, this one cites examples in the parenting world. I learnt a lot on better managing thoughts and your questioning engine in your mind to deal with day to day parenting situations.
Loved it!!
Loved it!!
January 22, 2019
Легкая, но в целом полезная книга.
Четких советов нет. В основном общие рекомендации и пример использования техники QBQ (вопрос за вопросом). Данная техника призвана помочь взять ответственность на себя и не искать виноватых.
Четких советов нет. В основном общие рекомендации и пример использования техники QBQ (вопрос за вопросом). Данная техника призвана помочь взять ответственность на себя и не искать виноватых.
February 27, 2025
A very quick listen. Another book that I would like to borrow the hard copy of for a bit in order to write down some of the principles or questions. Appreciate the way it addresses parents and issues.
September 4, 2018
This was one of the best parenting books I’ve read and hope that I could use!
January 27, 2019
It's all about asking the right question to the right people. Totally recommend
August 3, 2021
Супер класна книга. Після прочитання починаєш над багатьма речима задумуватися і змінювати свою поведінку!!!
June 27, 2024
It’s gives practical, wholesome, and easy to grasp good parenting advice. Super quick read, easy concepts, I’ll keep this one handy and read it a few times over as needed.
October 18, 2024
Audio. Good. Direct. Simple and short.
March 17, 2017
Just read the description. That's all you'll need. Not a practice guide, more of a life philosophy applied to the idea of parenting.
December 16, 2014
This book explores how parents can take personal accountability and apply it to their decisions in raising a family and becoming more effective and responsible parents and role models.
QBQ is a tool that examines, "the question beyond the question" rather than complaining, procrastinating, blaming, or thinking as a victim. QBQ always begins with "what" or "how," contains an "I" and focuses on action. Examples include:
How can I build a more trusting relationship?
What can I do to help my child learn good habits?
What can I do to set clear expectations and consequences-and follow-through?
How can I lovingly, firmly confront this behavior?
What can I do right now to control my emotions?
Some valuable questions to look at when it comes to engaging in purposeful, timely, and effective discipline involve asking key "discipline Ds:"
1/ disobedient: is my child disobeying an authority figure?
2/ destructive: is my child damaging property?
3/ distracting: is my child interrupting other's concentration?
4/ disruptive: is my child upsetting the environment
5/ dangerous: is my child at risk or putting others at risk?
6/ disrespectful: is my child showing disregard for people?
The book has multiple chapters that are brief and explore a different aspect of being accountable through taking action. But here are a Dozen Key Parenting the QBQ Way Principles
1/ the answers are in the questions
2/ my child is a product of my parenting
3/ parenting is a learned skill
4/ the best parents are no-excuses parents
5/ modeling is the most powerful of all teachers
6/ outstanding parents do the hard stuff
7/ action now is almost always better than later
8/ humility is the cornerstone of leadership
9/ stress is a choice
10/ trust must be earned
11/ parenting never really ends; it changes
12/ I can only change me
This book is worth a reread to keep learning and growing as a parent and as one embraces a deeper level of personal accountability.
QBQ is a tool that examines, "the question beyond the question" rather than complaining, procrastinating, blaming, or thinking as a victim. QBQ always begins with "what" or "how," contains an "I" and focuses on action. Examples include:
How can I build a more trusting relationship?
What can I do to help my child learn good habits?
What can I do to set clear expectations and consequences-and follow-through?
How can I lovingly, firmly confront this behavior?
What can I do right now to control my emotions?
Some valuable questions to look at when it comes to engaging in purposeful, timely, and effective discipline involve asking key "discipline Ds:"
1/ disobedient: is my child disobeying an authority figure?
2/ destructive: is my child damaging property?
3/ distracting: is my child interrupting other's concentration?
4/ disruptive: is my child upsetting the environment
5/ dangerous: is my child at risk or putting others at risk?
6/ disrespectful: is my child showing disregard for people?
The book has multiple chapters that are brief and explore a different aspect of being accountable through taking action. But here are a Dozen Key Parenting the QBQ Way Principles
1/ the answers are in the questions
2/ my child is a product of my parenting
3/ parenting is a learned skill
4/ the best parents are no-excuses parents
5/ modeling is the most powerful of all teachers
6/ outstanding parents do the hard stuff
7/ action now is almost always better than later
8/ humility is the cornerstone of leadership
9/ stress is a choice
10/ trust must be earned
11/ parenting never really ends; it changes
12/ I can only change me
This book is worth a reread to keep learning and growing as a parent and as one embraces a deeper level of personal accountability.
February 18, 2017
Очень понравился этот метод по воспитанию в себе и своих детях, личной ответственности. Вообще книга рассказывает о том как внедрить этот метод в воспитании, но его можно (а точнее нужно!) использовать и во всех остальных сферах жизни. Материал, вроде бы, очевидный. Но, тем не менее, уложен в структуру, которая хорошо откладывается в голове.
March 20, 2012
Most parents out there want what's best for their kids - they want them to grow up to be adults who do well for others and do well for themselves. We continually wonder how best to do that. In this book, the author suggests that the way to do this is with the QBQ way - the "question behind the question" - we must ask questions about how we, as parents, can help our children rather than asking IQs, or incorrect questions, like "why won't my child behave?" or "why won't my child do what I ask?" Basically, there must be some personal accountability in our parenting, as there should be with all aspects of our lives. We must not place blame on others but find a way we can make things the way we want them to. .
The questions we must ask should begin with "what" or "how" and have "I" as the subject. These are the better questions. I am starting to try to do this more, and it has helped a few times. What Mr. Miller says makes a lot of sense, but as we all know, it is easy to fall into blaming other people. It will take some practice.
Another aspect of the book that I liked was that we must listen to our children - we should try our best to let the child be what he/she wants to be and encourage that. I'd like to think I do that already, but I probably could use more practice on this too.
The book did seem to be a little redundant but I did find most of the stories really helpful and it was a quick read.
I recommend this book to parents out there looking for some good advice on raising children.
The questions we must ask should begin with "what" or "how" and have "I" as the subject. These are the better questions. I am starting to try to do this more, and it has helped a few times. What Mr. Miller says makes a lot of sense, but as we all know, it is easy to fall into blaming other people. It will take some practice.
Another aspect of the book that I liked was that we must listen to our children - we should try our best to let the child be what he/she wants to be and encourage that. I'd like to think I do that already, but I probably could use more practice on this too.
The book did seem to be a little redundant but I did find most of the stories really helpful and it was a quick read.
I recommend this book to parents out there looking for some good advice on raising children.
December 24, 2020
This book is only marginally less insulting and pointless that the QBQ, so I gave it an extra star.
August 28, 2012
It was a quick read this book,a little bit of repetition but an interesting one. The focus is on the question behind the question: to be precise why our kids do not do what we ask them to do? Where is our accountability in that. Starting to question ourselves how much we account on our kids behavior the point of view changes and we learn to listen more and to make ourselves the right questions.
E' stato un libro facile da leggere questo, un po' ripetitivo ma interessante. Si focalizza sulle domande dietro le domande: per essere precisi perchè i nostri figli non fanno quello che gli chiediamo di fare? Dove sta la nostra responsabilità? Cominciando a farci le giuste domande rispetto al comportamento dei figli, il nostro punto di vista cambia e impariano ad ascoltarli di più e a farci domande più mirate.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND PENGUIN GROUP (U.S.A.) FOR THE PREVIEW
E' stato un libro facile da leggere questo, un po' ripetitivo ma interessante. Si focalizza sulle domande dietro le domande: per essere precisi perchè i nostri figli non fanno quello che gli chiediamo di fare? Dove sta la nostra responsabilità? Cominciando a farci le giuste domande rispetto al comportamento dei figli, il nostro punto di vista cambia e impariano ad ascoltarli di più e a farci domande più mirate.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND PENGUIN GROUP (U.S.A.) FOR THE PREVIEW
February 6, 2015
The parenting version of the QBQ idea contains helpful tips on teaching your kids to ask better questions and take personal responsibility rather than shifting blame and whining.
If you only have time for one quick read on this idea, I thought Parenting the QBQ Way was better written and more helpful than the original QBQ book, so I’d recommend this one.
{Read my full review here}
If you only have time for one quick read on this idea, I thought Parenting the QBQ Way was better written and more helpful than the original QBQ book, so I’d recommend this one.
{Read my full review here}
September 2, 2014
How can I let go of what I can't control and other questions put accountability and action into the blaming questions that are easy when they start with why, when, or who but rather start with how or what. Loved this book because it helps us shift the focus from what we can't control to who we can control which is ourselves. Grateful for the paradigm shift!!!
April 1, 2012
This books theory on accountability and parenthood is excellent. Amazing how difficult it is for someone to believe in and practice accountability!
February 4, 2013
No excuses. It's about personal accountability with ourselves and with our kids.
April 7, 2013
3 şi jumătate, de fapt.
April 1, 2014
Quick read, yet very thought provoking. Gives a lot of examples on parenting, while encouraging an approach that instills a sense of accountability in your child.
March 2, 2015
QBQ! is THE book to read. If you have signed up for parental duties, then read this one next.
January 23, 2016
Very good. I listened to the audio version and I should have taken notes! Good book and made me think and question some really good things with my kids.
August 22, 2016
Very good book, I love the QBQ concept and the idea of using it and teaching it to kids!
February 10, 2017
Great book!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews