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The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband
"They had a long and happy marriage." It sounds like the end of a fairy tale--an illusion shattered by modern reality. But it doesn't have to be. Join author and speaker Nina Roesner as she guides you through 40 days of deepening your connection with God and your husband by simply shifting the way you think about one key area of relationships--unconditional respect.
In The Respect Dare, Nina shares true stories and thought-provoking questions that will help you apply biblical wisdom to the most important relationship in your life. This book is filled with stories of struggle and success, and many practical applications of respect that have dramatically changed marriages across the globe for the better.
Nina has already led countless women through this practical and life-changing journey, and in The Respect Dare, Nina addresses the most common questions she's received over the
How can I foster a culture of respect with my spouse?What does it mean to honor God through marriage?How can my relationship with God impact my marriage?Experience the meaningful intimacy God intended and discover what he can do in your heart and in your marriage when you choose to show respect his way.
In The Respect Dare, Nina shares true stories and thought-provoking questions that will help you apply biblical wisdom to the most important relationship in your life. This book is filled with stories of struggle and success, and many practical applications of respect that have dramatically changed marriages across the globe for the better.
Nina has already led countless women through this practical and life-changing journey, and in The Respect Dare, Nina addresses the most common questions she's received over the
How can I foster a culture of respect with my spouse?What does it mean to honor God through marriage?How can my relationship with God impact my marriage?Experience the meaningful intimacy God intended and discover what he can do in your heart and in your marriage when you choose to show respect his way.
187 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2009
312 people are currently reading
494 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
January 16, 2013
The book likes to compare itself to The Love Dare – based on the Movie Fireproof. Each day for 40 days Roesner gives her readers a bible verse, a story of a couple in her Daughters of Sarah class* and then a dare for the reader to participate in.
*She mentions the Daughters of Sarah classes often. A quick web search shows (perhaps) one reason why – tuition is $250 per person.
http://www.daughtersonline.org/regist...
The author states in the early pages of the book that each of the vignettes are true, however they lack an air of authenticity. Some of the situations praised are disturbing, others are downright dangerous! Examples include the husband who refused to listen to his wife regarding his mother’s help. She respected him, allowed her mother-in-law to babysit, and the child ended up in the hospital requiring stitches because she was allowed access to a knife.
Another was the story of a husband who constantly forgot to do his chores. His wife decided out of respect she wouldn’t nag, nor would she do the chore for him. Instead she’d allow God to teach him. One chore included paying the electric bill: “Dick had to watch his children and wife shiver in the cold several times before he decided to take care of the bills promptly.” (Kindle Locations 2154-2155).
Seriously??? Allowing your heat to get cut off (and one of the children was an infant) is God approved family building behavior?
Towards the end, it seemed as if Roesner ran out of “charming” applicable stories, and just started filling the pages to get done. Dare 36: A random and seemingly unrelated story about a woman undergoing fertility treatments/miscarriage on her own. Dare 37: Witnessing her father’s death and comforting her mother.
I hated this book. I only finished it because I felt as if doing otherwise would taint my ability to properly review it. The writing style was poor, and the advise wasn’t logical.
Bottom line: Check it out from the library IF you want the urge to hurl a book across the room.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
*She mentions the Daughters of Sarah classes often. A quick web search shows (perhaps) one reason why – tuition is $250 per person.
http://www.daughtersonline.org/regist...
The author states in the early pages of the book that each of the vignettes are true, however they lack an air of authenticity. Some of the situations praised are disturbing, others are downright dangerous! Examples include the husband who refused to listen to his wife regarding his mother’s help. She respected him, allowed her mother-in-law to babysit, and the child ended up in the hospital requiring stitches because she was allowed access to a knife.
Another was the story of a husband who constantly forgot to do his chores. His wife decided out of respect she wouldn’t nag, nor would she do the chore for him. Instead she’d allow God to teach him. One chore included paying the electric bill: “Dick had to watch his children and wife shiver in the cold several times before he decided to take care of the bills promptly.” (Kindle Locations 2154-2155).
Seriously??? Allowing your heat to get cut off (and one of the children was an infant) is God approved family building behavior?
Towards the end, it seemed as if Roesner ran out of “charming” applicable stories, and just started filling the pages to get done. Dare 36: A random and seemingly unrelated story about a woman undergoing fertility treatments/miscarriage on her own. Dare 37: Witnessing her father’s death and comforting her mother.
I hated this book. I only finished it because I felt as if doing otherwise would taint my ability to properly review it. The writing style was poor, and the advise wasn’t logical.
Bottom line: Check it out from the library IF you want the urge to hurl a book across the room.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
March 2, 2013
I did not find this book to be well written or helpful. There were some good points through the 40 dares, but many had little to do with respect. It's like the author ran out of material for a full 40 days of dares and just squeezed some other "good Christian principles" in to fill space. Some of the stories are silly and seem completely made up instead of accounts of real couples. There's also a lot of pushing the author's Sisters of Sarah course & group. Skip this one.
July 29, 2021
If I could give this book less than 1 star, I would
If you think this is a good companion novel for the Love Dare, you are wrong. Stick with the Love Dare for both husbands and wives
This book is nothing, but a huge product placement for the authors' seemingly more successful women's devotional group Daughters for Sarah...which you have to pay to enter.
This book is for people of the upper-middle class 'or so' standing. The majority of problems mentioned and 'dealt with' in the book tend to pertain to shallow problems that many an average woman would die to have. Dusty Chandeliers, Disorganized Kitchens, Too Many Frying Pans, Too Many Shirts to Iron, Too Many Chores, etc etc etc. If these problems sound like the biggest problems that you have in your life/marriage, then maybe this book IS for you...no judgment here you lucky lady. If your husband is already perfect except when it comes to the petty or shallow things in life, then this is the book for you and I envy your marriage.
If you want to train yourself to have a marriage where you stay silent and don't speak, where you do only what your husband says and say it's of God, where you don't argue or nag, where you ignore red flags or set yourself up for religious manipulation then this is the book for you.
The sad thing is also this, the book teaches us as women to decipher and pick how and what we say when we do speak to our husbands essentially manipulating them in ways that make them feel superior or correct in all situations because making them feel less is disrespectful.
The book begins with the usual hopeful statements such as 'we can't change our spouse, but we can change ourselves', 'become the woman God designed you to be in marriage', 'respect has more to do with you than it does with him', 'many women get married and experience the death of their dreams and have downfalls leading to depression and addiction', etc etc etc.
It all sounds wholesome and great. Really motivational to get you off your feet and learn to RESPECT your husband, BUT.....many of the stories told end up involving LOVING your husband, not actually respecting him.
Trust me, I read many chapters aloud to my husband who was in absolute disbelief that a book about Respect, written by a woman 'without having a male coauthor such as the Love Dare involves' would end up exploring the veins of love more often than respect. SHe also does not define what Respect actually means.
My primary issue with this book is that the consistent theme explored is that to truly respect your husband you must be quiet, obedient, complacent, and never completely truthful.
There is a story of a woman whose husband kept forgetting to pay their electric bill no matter how many times she tried to remind him. Finally 'the consequences of seeing his wife and children freeze in the winter would be the only way to get him to learn', and that approaching the matter in this way 'would show him respect'. Spoiler alert, she is very glad for her decision.
There are many moments throughout the book where she seems to get God and your husband confused. Maybe even confused as the same being? She displays the decisions of our husbands 'or lack of' as just God working with/on our husbands and that interfering would ruin God's plan....are we really so powerful? Nagging and complaining are just acts of distrust in our Lord.
Managing the household is also our job as Christian wives. There is an assessment in the book that wants us to evaluate where we are with this task and then assess how we have grown in it since starting the book in the end. It's our job to make sure our husband is comfortable when he comes home from work and that we are available to his every need.
There is a story involving a wife with at least 3 young kids whose husband calls her and asks her to paint the playset. The woman has had an exhausting day taking care of the house and raising kids and needs some rest. BUT the moral of the story is that we should not give in to idleness and listen to Gods 'still soft voice'.....the husband is who asked the wife to paint the playset and the lady needs rest because she has an exhausting job of being a stay at home mom with at least 3 kids! I am not saying she can't or shouldn't paint a playset, the story just doesn't work with the moral. EVERYONE needs time to rest!!! And there are many stories in this book that either don't line up with the moral or even have anything to do with marriage and respecting husbands.
There is a moment where a wife 'must' sacrifice her shower time to blowdry her husband's underwear. It is a sacrifice that is then compared to Jesus' sacrifice on the cross...
She states the husband is the CEO of the household and we must allow him to make all the decisions.
There is a story where a married couple has had no sex for 30 years because he chose porn instead, but the moral is all about 'God's timing over ours'
There is a story where, as wives, we are told to spend time with our husbands while they 'work' because men like being watched, but then follows a different chapter where a wife is chastised by the author for watching a husband paint a dresser because she is concerned about the color internally while watching him though she does not speak the concern at the time, or ask what he is doing.
There is a story where a new mother is having a hard time adjusting to new motherhood and postpartum is wrecking her, BUT the moral of the story is 'take time to make your husband feel important'
In an ending chapter, a 16-year-old has been raped and impregnated by her father and her mother has taken her to an abortion clinic blaming said daughter the whole way because she spoke the truth and got her father put away for 7 years. As an adult however she is wracked with guilt and feels the need to forgive herself and her father.........Forgive father? sure. Forgive self for not running out of the abortion clinic? Not sure if that needs to be a moral here....I thought this was a marriage book? Oh and no mention of forgiving the also awful mother?
Enough with the spoilers! This book is awful, BUT I had a fun time picking it apart with other women who also felt uncomfortable reading it.
If you think this is a good companion novel for the Love Dare, you are wrong. Stick with the Love Dare for both husbands and wives
This book is nothing, but a huge product placement for the authors' seemingly more successful women's devotional group Daughters for Sarah...which you have to pay to enter.
This book is for people of the upper-middle class 'or so' standing. The majority of problems mentioned and 'dealt with' in the book tend to pertain to shallow problems that many an average woman would die to have. Dusty Chandeliers, Disorganized Kitchens, Too Many Frying Pans, Too Many Shirts to Iron, Too Many Chores, etc etc etc. If these problems sound like the biggest problems that you have in your life/marriage, then maybe this book IS for you...no judgment here you lucky lady. If your husband is already perfect except when it comes to the petty or shallow things in life, then this is the book for you and I envy your marriage.
If you want to train yourself to have a marriage where you stay silent and don't speak, where you do only what your husband says and say it's of God, where you don't argue or nag, where you ignore red flags or set yourself up for religious manipulation then this is the book for you.
The sad thing is also this, the book teaches us as women to decipher and pick how and what we say when we do speak to our husbands essentially manipulating them in ways that make them feel superior or correct in all situations because making them feel less is disrespectful.
The book begins with the usual hopeful statements such as 'we can't change our spouse, but we can change ourselves', 'become the woman God designed you to be in marriage', 'respect has more to do with you than it does with him', 'many women get married and experience the death of their dreams and have downfalls leading to depression and addiction', etc etc etc.
It all sounds wholesome and great. Really motivational to get you off your feet and learn to RESPECT your husband, BUT.....many of the stories told end up involving LOVING your husband, not actually respecting him.
Trust me, I read many chapters aloud to my husband who was in absolute disbelief that a book about Respect, written by a woman 'without having a male coauthor such as the Love Dare involves' would end up exploring the veins of love more often than respect. SHe also does not define what Respect actually means.
My primary issue with this book is that the consistent theme explored is that to truly respect your husband you must be quiet, obedient, complacent, and never completely truthful.
There is a story of a woman whose husband kept forgetting to pay their electric bill no matter how many times she tried to remind him. Finally 'the consequences of seeing his wife and children freeze in the winter would be the only way to get him to learn', and that approaching the matter in this way 'would show him respect'. Spoiler alert, she is very glad for her decision.
There are many moments throughout the book where she seems to get God and your husband confused. Maybe even confused as the same being? She displays the decisions of our husbands 'or lack of' as just God working with/on our husbands and that interfering would ruin God's plan....are we really so powerful? Nagging and complaining are just acts of distrust in our Lord.
Managing the household is also our job as Christian wives. There is an assessment in the book that wants us to evaluate where we are with this task and then assess how we have grown in it since starting the book in the end. It's our job to make sure our husband is comfortable when he comes home from work and that we are available to his every need.
There is a story involving a wife with at least 3 young kids whose husband calls her and asks her to paint the playset. The woman has had an exhausting day taking care of the house and raising kids and needs some rest. BUT the moral of the story is that we should not give in to idleness and listen to Gods 'still soft voice'.....the husband is who asked the wife to paint the playset and the lady needs rest because she has an exhausting job of being a stay at home mom with at least 3 kids! I am not saying she can't or shouldn't paint a playset, the story just doesn't work with the moral. EVERYONE needs time to rest!!! And there are many stories in this book that either don't line up with the moral or even have anything to do with marriage and respecting husbands.
There is a moment where a wife 'must' sacrifice her shower time to blowdry her husband's underwear. It is a sacrifice that is then compared to Jesus' sacrifice on the cross...
She states the husband is the CEO of the household and we must allow him to make all the decisions.
There is a story where a married couple has had no sex for 30 years because he chose porn instead, but the moral is all about 'God's timing over ours'
There is a story where, as wives, we are told to spend time with our husbands while they 'work' because men like being watched, but then follows a different chapter where a wife is chastised by the author for watching a husband paint a dresser because she is concerned about the color internally while watching him though she does not speak the concern at the time, or ask what he is doing.
There is a story where a new mother is having a hard time adjusting to new motherhood and postpartum is wrecking her, BUT the moral of the story is 'take time to make your husband feel important'
In an ending chapter, a 16-year-old has been raped and impregnated by her father and her mother has taken her to an abortion clinic blaming said daughter the whole way because she spoke the truth and got her father put away for 7 years. As an adult however she is wracked with guilt and feels the need to forgive herself and her father.........Forgive father? sure. Forgive self for not running out of the abortion clinic? Not sure if that needs to be a moral here....I thought this was a marriage book? Oh and no mention of forgiving the also awful mother?
Enough with the spoilers! This book is awful, BUT I had a fun time picking it apart with other women who also felt uncomfortable reading it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 5, 2012
This book has been amazing in helping me grow my relationship with God and become a more godly wife. I would definitely recommend this book to any woman who is married or even engaged. I love that the focus is getting your relationship with God right first. There is a new edition coming out on December 10, 2012. I can't wait to start a group and go through the book again!
July 9, 2023
This was such a good book! It definitely helped me with transition from significant other to wife.
December 8, 2025
I must admit I read this more than completed each "dare" and a little cutsie in style, but this what a great bedside table, slowly work through, reminder to obedience book.
November 29, 2012
I preface these comments with the disclaimer that I DON'T currently have a husband... :P
While I have really enjoyed reading this book, I was a little disappointed with the format.
I guess what I was hoping was that the book would give an idea of something different I could do each day that would be a blessing to my husband for that day and would, in turn, help us to develop a natural habit of respect between us as a result. What the book actually does is give a different respect-related principle to keep in mind for each day (which begins to be a little on the overload side after a few days) with some specific suggestions here and there. Don’t get me wrong, its ALL helpful, but I don’t find that the content of the book is conducive to a “principle per day” format. I kinda get the feeling that Nina only used that format to sell books because its popular right now – and I can understand that since the only reason I picked up this book was because I was hoping for a practical guide to 40 specific days of different specific ways to show respect to my husband. And that’s what I didn’t quite receive from The Respect Dare.
While I have really enjoyed reading this book, I was a little disappointed with the format.
I guess what I was hoping was that the book would give an idea of something different I could do each day that would be a blessing to my husband for that day and would, in turn, help us to develop a natural habit of respect between us as a result. What the book actually does is give a different respect-related principle to keep in mind for each day (which begins to be a little on the overload side after a few days) with some specific suggestions here and there. Don’t get me wrong, its ALL helpful, but I don’t find that the content of the book is conducive to a “principle per day” format. I kinda get the feeling that Nina only used that format to sell books because its popular right now – and I can understand that since the only reason I picked up this book was because I was hoping for a practical guide to 40 specific days of different specific ways to show respect to my husband. And that’s what I didn’t quite receive from The Respect Dare.
November 24, 2013
I have read this book three times and it has really helped improve my marriage each time. My attitude is more positive, my outlook is better, and I love my husband more and more. I definitely recommend this book to any married woman, whether she's been married for a couple of weeks or forty years. It will grow you closer to God and your family.
July 15, 2019
The Respect Dare isn't perfect in it's direction or message but I found it to be very helpful and filled with more good advice and observations than not. Each Dare (chapter) offers the author's insight, a short story, questions, and a personal Dare for you the reader to complete. Each Dare is loaded with biblical reference (which I love) that gives credence to why the author is suggesting us wives to respond to our husbands in this way. I found the biblical reference really helpful. I would take the reading an extra step and go into my bible to investigate deeper into that reference. It really is fascinating to read how some things just remain relevant no matter what times we live in.
I feel the need to explain a little about myself. I started this book because my marriage can be tricky at times. My husband is a great, hardworking man that isn't big on talking about or being demonstrative in his feelings. I on the other hand am very much into talking about and showing my feelings which has always left me feeling unfulfilled in my marriage. I just didn't feel loved and often questioned whether he really loved me or not because he didn't "show" it. This book helped me so much. One of the biggest things this book helped me to realize was that my husband shows his love in so many ways, just not necessarily in the ways I expect him to. The cool thing is the author doesn't just write that out. Through the Dares it revealed itself which I think is so much better.
I'm really comfortable with my husband being the head of our household, but there were a couple parts that I just couldn't allow to happen. The author illustrates a story as to how she is not comfortable with her mother in law watching her little one because she is showing signs of being forgetful or less than engaged. The husband says it'll be fine and the story pretty much says that even though in the end their child got hurt because he got a hold of a knife since the grandma didn't watch him closely enough that the wife was right by deferring to her husband even though she had true fear of their child being harmed. This I couldn't do. If I truly saw warning signs that my child would not be properly cared for I couldn't just drop my kid off and cross my fingers because my husband refused to see his mom's declining mental status. I know God loves our children even more than we do, but we bear responsibility for our children and that does not mean putting them in a potentially dangerous situation. I mean I trust God when it comes to my children without reserve but I wouldn't just let my kids play in traffic because I know God loves them and has them. Plus when it comes to our parents it can be hard to admit they are getting old or slipping. Their child shouldn't be in danger because her husband couldn't come to terms with that yet. That and the chapter about how the husband let the power be turned off multiple times because he couldn't remember to pay the bills and it was the wife's job to not continually remind him were the only 2 parts in the whole book I took exception to. I feel like a husband can run the household without being in charge of paying the bills if he chooses to have his wife do it, especially when he's too busy or absent minded to remember to pay the darned things. I don't agree that because he's the man he is the only one that can do this. I know plenty of strong, head of their household men that hand that responsibility to their wives because they are just too busy or have no interest in it.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that wants to strengthen their marriage. Especially if you are willing to work on yourself to strengthen that marriage rather than focusing on how your husband could be better. This book is great at directing us to focus on our own behaviors rather than that of others.
I feel the need to explain a little about myself. I started this book because my marriage can be tricky at times. My husband is a great, hardworking man that isn't big on talking about or being demonstrative in his feelings. I on the other hand am very much into talking about and showing my feelings which has always left me feeling unfulfilled in my marriage. I just didn't feel loved and often questioned whether he really loved me or not because he didn't "show" it. This book helped me so much. One of the biggest things this book helped me to realize was that my husband shows his love in so many ways, just not necessarily in the ways I expect him to. The cool thing is the author doesn't just write that out. Through the Dares it revealed itself which I think is so much better.
I'm really comfortable with my husband being the head of our household, but there were a couple parts that I just couldn't allow to happen. The author illustrates a story as to how she is not comfortable with her mother in law watching her little one because she is showing signs of being forgetful or less than engaged. The husband says it'll be fine and the story pretty much says that even though in the end their child got hurt because he got a hold of a knife since the grandma didn't watch him closely enough that the wife was right by deferring to her husband even though she had true fear of their child being harmed. This I couldn't do. If I truly saw warning signs that my child would not be properly cared for I couldn't just drop my kid off and cross my fingers because my husband refused to see his mom's declining mental status. I know God loves our children even more than we do, but we bear responsibility for our children and that does not mean putting them in a potentially dangerous situation. I mean I trust God when it comes to my children without reserve but I wouldn't just let my kids play in traffic because I know God loves them and has them. Plus when it comes to our parents it can be hard to admit they are getting old or slipping. Their child shouldn't be in danger because her husband couldn't come to terms with that yet. That and the chapter about how the husband let the power be turned off multiple times because he couldn't remember to pay the bills and it was the wife's job to not continually remind him were the only 2 parts in the whole book I took exception to. I feel like a husband can run the household without being in charge of paying the bills if he chooses to have his wife do it, especially when he's too busy or absent minded to remember to pay the darned things. I don't agree that because he's the man he is the only one that can do this. I know plenty of strong, head of their household men that hand that responsibility to their wives because they are just too busy or have no interest in it.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that wants to strengthen their marriage. Especially if you are willing to work on yourself to strengthen that marriage rather than focusing on how your husband could be better. This book is great at directing us to focus on our own behaviors rather than that of others.
October 20, 2020
I thought so highly of this book as a bible study for you to do on your husband (or partner). I have reviewed what others have said regarding this book and wanted to offer my own insight.
In my opinion, I think some of the bad reviews kind of missed the whole point of the book. You have to have an open mind and be willing to change. This isn't a book on how to change your husband. If that's what you're looking for, you'll be surely disappointed. Do you have to agree with everything she says? Nope. It's not written for just you. It's written for many women who are very different. I encourage you so much to find a bible study group to do this with!!! I found one on Facebook that I didn't pay a dime for.
Here are a few things I personal disagreed with others on:
- I don’t feel like the author is pushing her own agenda with the Daughters of Sarah. Does she mention it a handful of times? Yes. But she also mentions other resources you can look up and use. I think she mentions it for promotion of her online groups in case women want or need to take another step and get more help.
- Some have written how the stories don’t sound authentic. I related quite a bit to the stories at times. Sometimes I didn’t - just because they didn’t hit home. But the best thing I did was supplementing this bible study with a women’s online group. I learned that what didn’t sound believable or hit home for me, certainly did for other women. I think sometimes we assume that just because we wouldn’t behave or talk a certain way, means others wouldn’t either and that simply isn’t the case here in my opinion. What the reviewers didn’t mention was how we are encouraged to write our own stories and send them in. So these stories in the books could well be another woman’s experiences that some are trying to devalue how she felt or what she went through.
- As for some of the “random” stories she input, the other reviewers are correct. Not all 40 days are about respect. Sometimes it’s about figuring out why we are disrespecting our husbands. It’s about changing ourselves from the inside out. It’s about how we handle expectations for our husbands. Are there a handful of personal experiences that are pretty extreme? Yes. But there are things in life that get pretty extreme. This book is about trying to make your marriage work through thick and thin, so yes there are some moments that the author included that were probably the worst part of others’ marriages/lives that they had to work through.
These statements I’ve made aren’t to throw shade at another reader, but just to offer anyone wanting to read this book some encouragement. I’ve literally witnessed this book changing others’ lives. I’ve watched women who were angry and upset with their husbands “mellow out” and change their perspectives. Will this book cure every wrong thing in your relationship? No probably not. Will it make you confront some of your own bad habits and behavior? YES, nooo doubt! And that’s uncomfortable…but worth it. Will every dare hit home for you? Nope, there were a few that didn’t apply to me but that applied greatly to my friends. But will it encourage you to be a better, more respectful, well-rounded wife? That I think it will…if you give 100% while doing it.
In my opinion, I think some of the bad reviews kind of missed the whole point of the book. You have to have an open mind and be willing to change. This isn't a book on how to change your husband. If that's what you're looking for, you'll be surely disappointed. Do you have to agree with everything she says? Nope. It's not written for just you. It's written for many women who are very different. I encourage you so much to find a bible study group to do this with!!! I found one on Facebook that I didn't pay a dime for.
Here are a few things I personal disagreed with others on:
- I don’t feel like the author is pushing her own agenda with the Daughters of Sarah. Does she mention it a handful of times? Yes. But she also mentions other resources you can look up and use. I think she mentions it for promotion of her online groups in case women want or need to take another step and get more help.
- Some have written how the stories don’t sound authentic. I related quite a bit to the stories at times. Sometimes I didn’t - just because they didn’t hit home. But the best thing I did was supplementing this bible study with a women’s online group. I learned that what didn’t sound believable or hit home for me, certainly did for other women. I think sometimes we assume that just because we wouldn’t behave or talk a certain way, means others wouldn’t either and that simply isn’t the case here in my opinion. What the reviewers didn’t mention was how we are encouraged to write our own stories and send them in. So these stories in the books could well be another woman’s experiences that some are trying to devalue how she felt or what she went through.
- As for some of the “random” stories she input, the other reviewers are correct. Not all 40 days are about respect. Sometimes it’s about figuring out why we are disrespecting our husbands. It’s about changing ourselves from the inside out. It’s about how we handle expectations for our husbands. Are there a handful of personal experiences that are pretty extreme? Yes. But there are things in life that get pretty extreme. This book is about trying to make your marriage work through thick and thin, so yes there are some moments that the author included that were probably the worst part of others’ marriages/lives that they had to work through.
These statements I’ve made aren’t to throw shade at another reader, but just to offer anyone wanting to read this book some encouragement. I’ve literally witnessed this book changing others’ lives. I’ve watched women who were angry and upset with their husbands “mellow out” and change their perspectives. Will this book cure every wrong thing in your relationship? No probably not. Will it make you confront some of your own bad habits and behavior? YES, nooo doubt! And that’s uncomfortable…but worth it. Will every dare hit home for you? Nope, there were a few that didn’t apply to me but that applied greatly to my friends. But will it encourage you to be a better, more respectful, well-rounded wife? That I think it will…if you give 100% while doing it.
September 2, 2022
Finished reading The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and your Husband by Nina Roesner.
Yeah...I know...I don't have a husband. To be fair, the subtitle after the colon was not visible on the spine, and when I shut down my bookstore three years ago, I saved a thousand or so books to go on my reading list (pile), so I didn't look too closely at all of them. If I'd heard of them as being books that a well-rounded person should read, or books that would be helpful, or books by a classic author that I'd not yet read, or books that looked interesting, I added them to the stack. The other four or five thousand went mostly to The Salvation Army's Thrift Store.
So why this book? I'm not really sure. A book with the title of ".....fill in the blank... Dare" was one I recognized as just part of my cultural knowledge. At the time I was still involved with Fundamental Evangelical Christianity, so I'm guessing it came from that well of cultural knowledge. The movie "Fireproof" also kinda rang a bell in this, and that was promoted as a very good movie, so I put it on my list.
But as George Bernard Shaw told Dear Dorothea "...you go find that book, [hide where "they" can't see you] and you read it!" and that seemed like really good advice here too.
and...meh...I mean, the main point of the book is really good advice: respect your husband. It's given out in 40 short sections (that could easily be daily devotions) on different things you can do to show the men in your life respect.
Some of it is garbage. There's a lot of influence from the toxicity of purity culture, which better voices than mine have explained. If purity culture is too close or too harmful to you right now, this would be enough to make you want to skip it. The P.C. isn't intentional, but just like Evangelical racism, it's there--just because it's accidental doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Some of it is based on really immature people in immature relationships. People ought to be mature enough to not know how to do things; or to not know things; these are opportunities for learning and growth; or for paying someone else to do something you've no desire to do. None of these occasions should be shameful. and yet...a good portion of the book is spent telling women how to not criticize or judge or badmouth or nag at their husbands and poor on the shame. If you feel shame because of the things you don't know or can't do instead of inspiration, you should work on that; and there are better books than this for you. If you can't seem to say nice things, this book does have some helpful take-aways for both men and women on how to treat each other better.
Overall, if you're ok with fundamental evangelical books, you'll be ok with this one. If they trigger your emotional or traumatic memories, skip it.
Yeah...I know...I don't have a husband. To be fair, the subtitle after the colon was not visible on the spine, and when I shut down my bookstore three years ago, I saved a thousand or so books to go on my reading list (pile), so I didn't look too closely at all of them. If I'd heard of them as being books that a well-rounded person should read, or books that would be helpful, or books by a classic author that I'd not yet read, or books that looked interesting, I added them to the stack. The other four or five thousand went mostly to The Salvation Army's Thrift Store.
So why this book? I'm not really sure. A book with the title of ".....fill in the blank... Dare" was one I recognized as just part of my cultural knowledge. At the time I was still involved with Fundamental Evangelical Christianity, so I'm guessing it came from that well of cultural knowledge. The movie "Fireproof" also kinda rang a bell in this, and that was promoted as a very good movie, so I put it on my list.
But as George Bernard Shaw told Dear Dorothea "...you go find that book, [hide where "they" can't see you] and you read it!" and that seemed like really good advice here too.
and...meh...I mean, the main point of the book is really good advice: respect your husband. It's given out in 40 short sections (that could easily be daily devotions) on different things you can do to show the men in your life respect.
Some of it is garbage. There's a lot of influence from the toxicity of purity culture, which better voices than mine have explained. If purity culture is too close or too harmful to you right now, this would be enough to make you want to skip it. The P.C. isn't intentional, but just like Evangelical racism, it's there--just because it's accidental doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Some of it is based on really immature people in immature relationships. People ought to be mature enough to not know how to do things; or to not know things; these are opportunities for learning and growth; or for paying someone else to do something you've no desire to do. None of these occasions should be shameful. and yet...a good portion of the book is spent telling women how to not criticize or judge or badmouth or nag at their husbands and poor on the shame. If you feel shame because of the things you don't know or can't do instead of inspiration, you should work on that; and there are better books than this for you. If you can't seem to say nice things, this book does have some helpful take-aways for both men and women on how to treat each other better.
Overall, if you're ok with fundamental evangelical books, you'll be ok with this one. If they trigger your emotional or traumatic memories, skip it.
August 15, 2017
This book was a true game changer in my life. I first purchased it online about 7 years ago and have come back to it over and over again, whether it's been leading a small group or just individual reference. The real-life stories in the book resonated deeply with me and the dares stretched me and helped me to get to know and love God, my husband and even myself better. I saw real change in my heart and in my relationship with my husband. I know that we are still married today because of the work God has done in us through the Respect Dare and related resources from Nina Roesner and Greater Impact.
August 14, 2020
I thoroughly enjoyed this book! It has been so helpful in my marriage but, more importantly, in my walk with God! I love how Ms. Roesner empowers wives by focusing not on what they cannot change- her husband's thoughts and words and actions- but instead on our relationship with God and being the best wife we can possibly be in a way that was not demoralizing or demeaning. I tried to be sure to follow the dares and get feedback from my hubby and he certainly agrees that I have grown tremendously and our relationship is stronger than ever!
March 28, 2018
There were a lot of great points made in the book and it certainly gives a woman a lot to consider. It’s has had positive consequences in my marriage. Some of the stories are a little hokey and corny and it tends to give the impression that your husband will change for the better if you do the steps, which may not happen. Each day has a story with a happy ending which can be discouraging if you are not experiencing the same results from your husband.
April 29, 2021
There were some good points in this book but I disagreed with much of it. Both need love and respect in a marriage. I also do not believe his views on sexuality in marriage is biblical. A wife is not responsible to make sure her husband does not sin sexually. It is his responsibility before God to remain sexually pure inside of marriage. God will hold the man responsible for his own sin not the wife...
March 29, 2018
It was a neat thing to do to accompany lent in so much as it gave tangible areas for growth. I personally felt that this book was more about looking internally at oneself and finding areas for improvement than it was about being a more respectful spouse. Many of the stories seemed fabricated or overly simplified to fit into some sort of a mold, but overall it was a decent read.
April 18, 2025
I enjoyed the questions to finish out the lesson each day. It wasn't great advice on how to respect your husband. A lot of the stories she told were not anything more than her trying to sell her book and get you to join one of her online groups. Maybe if I hadn't been married for 25 years I would have gotten more out of the book.
March 29, 2023
I read this book quite a while ago, when the writer's blog was more active. Her tone, both with the blog and the book was off for me, Like many similar books, she directs readers to respect their menfolk, but it doesn't seem like she likes women very much. No thanks.
April 6, 2023
One of my all-time favorite marriage books. If you’re interested in a 40-day challenge that will regularly hit you upside the head, this is it. It’s not pleasant to take a real hard look at ourselves, but you’ll be a better more respectful wife if you’re open to it.
October 8, 2024
This little book is "spot-on!" I believe we often settle for loving our husbands when what will really make the difference is respecting our husbands! I keep coming back to this book. It's always challenging!
December 30, 2025
There is a must read for any wife who is currently struggling to respect her husband. If you’re overwhelmed with bitterness and resentment and you’re tired of living with their heaviness, this book will free you.
May 23, 2020
Review to come soon.
October 11, 2022
I've read this book multiple times and each time my marriage grows better and better.
January 31, 2025
Practical everyday ways to show your husband respect while also challenging you to "live your life for an audience of One."(God)
January 22, 2020
Ephesians 5:33 says, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Paul's advice essentially explains some primary needs in a marriage. Most wives want to feel loved and most husbands want to be respected. Simply concept, difficult application. What does it really mean to respect your husband? Should you respect your husband even if he's lazy? What about if he's irresponsible and the electricity gets turned off? What if he doesn't deserve your respect? Nina Roesner challenges wives to take 40 days to learn to respect your husband – whether he deserves it or not.
The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband by Nina Roesner is similar to The Love Dare, popularized by the Christian movie, Fireproof. It's hard for me to review The Respect Dare because I feel like it is a mixed bag. It has some awesome marital advice. There are things that I absolutely agree with and things that I want to implement into my own role as a wife. However, I felt like some of the example stories didn't resonate with authenticity. I don't doubt that they are true, but maybe in the retelling some of the genuineness got lost. I also didn't agree with some of the advice and the small snippets of Scripture supporting those pieces of advice weren't enough to convince me. I needed more explanation and to see how those verses really related to my marriage and personal walk with God.
I also felt like there were some mixed messages. One one hand, the author made it very clear that a wife does not need to stay in an abusive situation or become a doormat. On the other hand, there were several times that it seemed like the message was to respect your husband no matter what he does.... even if it means leaving your child with someone you don't feel is safe, or letting the power get turned off, etc. I understand that people sometimes need to learn by experiencing consequences, but I also believe that the wife's role as helpmate does not mean that you have to let yourself and your children suffer because of your husband's poor choices. In fact, I believe a wife has the responsibility to help her husband grow by being the “iron sharpening iron” and likewise for the husband.
Like I said, The Respect Dare had some great advice and some not-so-great advice, in my opinion. For that reason, I give it three stars – it's okay, but I just don't believe/agree with some of what's said.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this ebook free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband by Nina Roesner is similar to The Love Dare, popularized by the Christian movie, Fireproof. It's hard for me to review The Respect Dare because I feel like it is a mixed bag. It has some awesome marital advice. There are things that I absolutely agree with and things that I want to implement into my own role as a wife. However, I felt like some of the example stories didn't resonate with authenticity. I don't doubt that they are true, but maybe in the retelling some of the genuineness got lost. I also didn't agree with some of the advice and the small snippets of Scripture supporting those pieces of advice weren't enough to convince me. I needed more explanation and to see how those verses really related to my marriage and personal walk with God.
I also felt like there were some mixed messages. One one hand, the author made it very clear that a wife does not need to stay in an abusive situation or become a doormat. On the other hand, there were several times that it seemed like the message was to respect your husband no matter what he does.... even if it means leaving your child with someone you don't feel is safe, or letting the power get turned off, etc. I understand that people sometimes need to learn by experiencing consequences, but I also believe that the wife's role as helpmate does not mean that you have to let yourself and your children suffer because of your husband's poor choices. In fact, I believe a wife has the responsibility to help her husband grow by being the “iron sharpening iron” and likewise for the husband.
Like I said, The Respect Dare had some great advice and some not-so-great advice, in my opinion. For that reason, I give it three stars – it's okay, but I just don't believe/agree with some of what's said.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this ebook free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
September 15, 2021
As women we are want to justify our thoughts, poor behavior, and inappropriate speech on account of a man's failings, refusal to meet our expectations, or our perceived inability of his capacity to "be a man" according to our interpretations and perceptions of what the term entails. We exist in a media saturated cesspool continually extolling the imperfections of men at the expense of the supposed empowerment of women and we're the better for it. Or are we?
Sometimes it's difficult to hear you're out of order. Oftentimes it's easier to listen to consenting voices which won't challenge you to the greater standard we're called to embrace. But God's glory isn't subject to cultural changes or social media soundbites. He created man and woman in His image. And to accord him a lessened status; to malign him because of his differences or suggest that he is anything but the handiwork of the living God is a lie and a grave injustice to the sanctity of His creation.
If we're brutally honest with ourselves we'd acknowledge the difficulties one endures when mandates to respect conflict with hurts, disappointments, and unfulfilled desires we've encountered in our relationships. However, in the same breath are we willing to admit it can be duly difficult for the other party to offer unconditional love in the face of our disgrace, disrespect, and seeming disregard for their person? Would you willingly offer the same without protest?
The Respect Dare doesn't dispel the realities of the difficulty in doing so. Nevertheless, it draws strength and support from the scripture and calls us to look beyond ourselves and our bruising. Cease control, pressure, and endless advice that's rarely solicited. In other words, stop behaving like he's one of the girls. He's not. Slow down, listen, and learn him. Lean on the Lord and allow Him to demonstrate how excellence can be wrought in your relationship.
In the end the book will be most meaningful to those desiring to submit to God's agenda even when it juxtaposes their own. Obedience is better than sacrifice. That is the true juggernaut for relational success.
Sometimes it's difficult to hear you're out of order. Oftentimes it's easier to listen to consenting voices which won't challenge you to the greater standard we're called to embrace. But God's glory isn't subject to cultural changes or social media soundbites. He created man and woman in His image. And to accord him a lessened status; to malign him because of his differences or suggest that he is anything but the handiwork of the living God is a lie and a grave injustice to the sanctity of His creation.
If we're brutally honest with ourselves we'd acknowledge the difficulties one endures when mandates to respect conflict with hurts, disappointments, and unfulfilled desires we've encountered in our relationships. However, in the same breath are we willing to admit it can be duly difficult for the other party to offer unconditional love in the face of our disgrace, disrespect, and seeming disregard for their person? Would you willingly offer the same without protest?
The Respect Dare doesn't dispel the realities of the difficulty in doing so. Nevertheless, it draws strength and support from the scripture and calls us to look beyond ourselves and our bruising. Cease control, pressure, and endless advice that's rarely solicited. In other words, stop behaving like he's one of the girls. He's not. Slow down, listen, and learn him. Lean on the Lord and allow Him to demonstrate how excellence can be wrought in your relationship.
In the end the book will be most meaningful to those desiring to submit to God's agenda even when it juxtaposes their own. Obedience is better than sacrifice. That is the true juggernaut for relational success.
June 8, 2013
While I haven't worked through the book as intended, I read through most of it in order to give my review. I am excited to use this book as a daily exercise as the author intended. I am a huge fan of Eggerich's Love and Respect book, and we just finished a sunday school class study on it. This is a nice extension for me of that series. The author gives forty daily readings and challenges for thought on the topic of respect. She recommends journaling the experience as well. The book is for women in thinking about their relationships with their husband. This is not old-fashioned submission, as in respecting ones husband the goal is not to become a doormat, rather to honor what God requests of us in terms of our spouse. While the book does not give many concrete suggestions or "dares", it is more of a time for introspection as a wife as to how we think about, respond to, and respect our husbands. I can see this being very helpful in my life, as I often find myself struggling with my attitude towards my husband and what is happening in our home. And honestly, any marriage book discussing how to change one's husband as opposed to changing oneself is not worth the paper it's written on. I recommend this book for anyone interested in continuing their study and efforts to respect their husband. Though I would recommend first reading Love and Respect in order to gain a better understanding of the Love and Respect relationship in a marriage.
I received a copy of this ebook in exchange for my honest review.
After using it more, i find that i don't love it as much as i thought. it was ok, but so many of the stories seemed cutesy and perfect; i found myself thinking, "most husbands wouldn's say/do that!" It was ok, and a good reminder of how our attitudes affect our marriages.
I received a copy of this ebook in exchange for my honest review.
After using it more, i find that i don't love it as much as i thought. it was ok, but so many of the stories seemed cutesy and perfect; i found myself thinking, "most husbands wouldn's say/do that!" It was ok, and a good reminder of how our attitudes affect our marriages.
March 20, 2013
I think this book was good for my marriage. I had been married a little over 6 months when I started it, so our marriage was going very well anyway. Now, we're doing even better. I have a different attitude now about things like housework and such. The book helped me to understand my husband a little better and God helped me to change some things about how we interact with each other. My husband noticed a difference in me at the end, and we're doing wonderfully now.
The only things I didn't like about the book were that many "dares" didn't have tasks to complete that would show my husband I respect him. Also, many of the "dares" generalized the tasks that it did ask you to do so that you were to try to act a certain way around everyone in your life, not specifically toward your husband. So, sometimes it felt more like a self improvement book than a marriage and relationship with God improvement book. I'm glad I read it, and my life benefited from it.
The only things I didn't like about the book were that many "dares" didn't have tasks to complete that would show my husband I respect him. Also, many of the "dares" generalized the tasks that it did ask you to do so that you were to try to act a certain way around everyone in your life, not specifically toward your husband. So, sometimes it felt more like a self improvement book than a marriage and relationship with God improvement book. I'm glad I read it, and my life benefited from it.
June 2, 2012
There are some positive things here that will help improve your interpersonal relationships with everyone in your life: learn to be a good listener, don't try to control others, don't try to change others, tell loved ones why they are important to you, etc. But unfortunately there are also quite a few problematic things about this book that would prevent me ever recommending it: preservation of a marriage is more important than the well being of either spouse or the children, women's clothing choices are responsible for men "stumbling", a teenager impregnated by her father is sinning by getting an abortion, men must control the family finances, etc.
November 17, 2009
A must read for EVERY married woman, and any women who wants to be married some day.
I love how Nina made the chapters short and sweet. EVERYONE has time to do a chapter. It can take as little as 3 minutes if you don’t want to journal with it. However I will say that keeping track of your progress (aka journaling) is a great opportunity to visual track your progress!
I think regardless of where you are in your Christian walk, there is always room for improvement in your marriage and you’ll be surprised at just what God is asking of you as you seek His will in your marital relationship!
I love how Nina made the chapters short and sweet. EVERYONE has time to do a chapter. It can take as little as 3 minutes if you don’t want to journal with it. However I will say that keeping track of your progress (aka journaling) is a great opportunity to visual track your progress!
I think regardless of where you are in your Christian walk, there is always room for improvement in your marriage and you’ll be surprised at just what God is asking of you as you seek His will in your marital relationship!
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