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The Snark Bible: A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring, Comebacks, Irony, Insults, Sarcasm, and So Much More
The lord of snark, Lawrence Dorfman, is back! With this treasury of backhanded compliments, sarcastic insults, and catty comebacks, Dorfman gives us transformative wisdom that’s sure to change your life—or at least induce a light chuckle.
One question plagues us all: How do we survive all the Sturm und Drang of everyday life? The answer is but one word: snark.
“She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on by a pitchfork.” —Jonathan Swift
“Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.” —P. G. Wodehouse
“He’s a mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.” —Tom Waits
“They hardly make ’em like him anymore—but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.” —Hunter S. Thompson
“He has a Teflon brain . . . nothing sticks” —Lily Tomlin
“He has no more backbone than a chocolate éclair.” —Theodore Roosevelt
Snark will keep the wolves at bay (or at least out on the porch). Snark, much like a double scotch, will help you deal with relatives, shopping, and rudeness; it is an outlet for the unleashed vitriolic bile that’s saved itself up over the months. Like a shield, it will protect you while you go about your life. Snark is your answer!
One question plagues us all: How do we survive all the Sturm und Drang of everyday life? The answer is but one word: snark.
“She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on by a pitchfork.” —Jonathan Swift
“Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.” —P. G. Wodehouse
“He’s a mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.” —Tom Waits
“They hardly make ’em like him anymore—but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.” —Hunter S. Thompson
“He has a Teflon brain . . . nothing sticks” —Lily Tomlin
“He has no more backbone than a chocolate éclair.” —Theodore Roosevelt
Snark will keep the wolves at bay (or at least out on the porch). Snark, much like a double scotch, will help you deal with relatives, shopping, and rudeness; it is an outlet for the unleashed vitriolic bile that’s saved itself up over the months. Like a shield, it will protect you while you go about your life. Snark is your answer!
- GenresHumorNonfictionComedy
Hardcover
First published January 1, 2014
About the author
Lawrence Dorfman
36 books12 followersLawrence Dorfman has more than thirty years of experience in publishing, where he honed his snark chops. He lives in Hamden, Connecticut, like you really care.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
October 3, 2014
Great concept. Only so-so execution.
February 24, 2020
It was maybe 22% interesting of book/life-worthy snarks.
August 31, 2025
*makes a loud farting noise with my mouth* 1 1/2 stars, but I don't feel I owe anything to the author to round up.
This could have been interesting and at first, it sort of was. It's a collection of snarky and sassy comments, sorted into various larger topics. Some of the quotes included are genuinely humorous and biting, but the organization is a little too broad. Sometimes, a quote seems to have been included because itself was snarky, but other times quotes seem to be included because the speaker is dumb so we should snark at them. By the end of each section, you understand one main point about our author's viewpoint but not much else: things like "politicians are corrupt", "mothers are self-sacrificing", "Christmas is commercialized", or "it's really funny to call women sluts". As you can see, none of these are fresh takes, even in 2014 when this was published.
Snark doesn't have to be hateful and our good author really needs to learn that. Some of the best inclusions in this book were when the speaker was mocking themselves, or at least a group they belonged to. But, every time Dorfman includes his own snark, it's really tired boomer humor that is often sexist, fatphobic, racist, etc. Ixknow what you're going to say "learn to take a joke." To which I say "learn to tell a joke." Almost none of Dorfman's inclusions were remotely funny or clever.
So... what if it was funny? What if the snark was less hurtful and more actually well-crafted? I still think there is a pivotal issue here. What is the point of this book? Is it for people to craft their own snark skill? It doesn't have any actual instruction or advice. Is it so people can quote some of these great lines in conversation? Perhaps, but there's so many and nothing ruins the snark mood more than having to pull out a book and quickly find the joke you wanted to make. My best guess would be that it's just meant to be a funny read. Well, it wasn't. A lot of the snarky quotes aren't that funny out of context (often because snark is funniest in response to something - we are given the punchline but often not the set up) and Dorfman isn't funny even in context.
Before anyone calls me out, saying I'm not funny or witty either in my remarks. Fine. I didn't publish a book pretending to be.
This could have been interesting and at first, it sort of was. It's a collection of snarky and sassy comments, sorted into various larger topics. Some of the quotes included are genuinely humorous and biting, but the organization is a little too broad. Sometimes, a quote seems to have been included because itself was snarky, but other times quotes seem to be included because the speaker is dumb so we should snark at them. By the end of each section, you understand one main point about our author's viewpoint but not much else: things like "politicians are corrupt", "mothers are self-sacrificing", "Christmas is commercialized", or "it's really funny to call women sluts". As you can see, none of these are fresh takes, even in 2014 when this was published.
Snark doesn't have to be hateful and our good author really needs to learn that. Some of the best inclusions in this book were when the speaker was mocking themselves, or at least a group they belonged to. But, every time Dorfman includes his own snark, it's really tired boomer humor that is often sexist, fatphobic, racist, etc. Ixknow what you're going to say "learn to take a joke." To which I say "learn to tell a joke." Almost none of Dorfman's inclusions were remotely funny or clever.
So... what if it was funny? What if the snark was less hurtful and more actually well-crafted? I still think there is a pivotal issue here. What is the point of this book? Is it for people to craft their own snark skill? It doesn't have any actual instruction or advice. Is it so people can quote some of these great lines in conversation? Perhaps, but there's so many and nothing ruins the snark mood more than having to pull out a book and quickly find the joke you wanted to make. My best guess would be that it's just meant to be a funny read. Well, it wasn't. A lot of the snarky quotes aren't that funny out of context (often because snark is funniest in response to something - we are given the punchline but often not the set up) and Dorfman isn't funny even in context.
Before anyone calls me out, saying I'm not funny or witty either in my remarks. Fine. I didn't publish a book pretending to be.
November 21, 2020
What can you say about a snark bible that will do it justice. That it is funny of course it is. It is full of snark. Now if you don't know what snark is I am sure you have heard some somewhere. That is if you haven't been living in a hermit's cave for most of your life. An example of snark is that like : we have the best government money can buy just go walk the halls of Congress and see it being bought. Better really you have to laugh at these pithy quotes on a variety of subjects. Like a good put down then read on they are here.
March 2, 2020
Think of it as mental graffiti
March 19, 2020
enjoyed.
January 14, 2021
Mildly amusing
February 12, 2022
The Snark Bible: A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring, Comebacks, Irony, Insults, and So Much More by Lawrence Dorfman – This is full of great material and so funny! Happy Reading!
November 15, 2017
A silly book, and not at all what it is advertised on the cover to be. It is at best a compendium of snarly jokes and rehashed anecdotes of legendary put-downs by famous and no-so people. Read it as a bedtime read, and for that it was fine: short entries, sometimes reasonably amusing jokes, frequent shuffling through The Devil's Dictionary for something relevant to the themes (enjoying Bierce, as always). I will be glad to foist this off into one of the myriad Little Libraries along Bardstown Road so someone else can be disappointed by it.
July 29, 2015
Much of it wasn't even funny. For example,
"80% of success is showing up." -Woody Allen.
-and-
"Simply having children does not make mothers." -John G Shedd.
Much of this book is less snarky then Mother Teresa on a good day. Most of it is less snarky then your sweetest kindergarten teacher, less snarky then your creepy X on the first date, and less snarky than Mr. Rogers. Don't waste your $
"80% of success is showing up." -Woody Allen.
-and-
"Simply having children does not make mothers." -John G Shedd.
Much of this book is less snarky then Mother Teresa on a good day. Most of it is less snarky then your sweetest kindergarten teacher, less snarky then your creepy X on the first date, and less snarky than Mr. Rogers. Don't waste your $
August 20, 2014
HehehehehhahahahahHAHAHAHAH!
December 14, 2014
Great for comebacks and witicisms. A fun bathroom read to be certain!
March 15, 2015
great quotes, irony, quips, and comebacks. . .loved it :)
April 21, 2018
Sort of amusing. I like the quotes. I don’t like the quizzes. Jokes that involve the KKK should not have been included.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews