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1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said
A compendium of the ridiculous, absurd, and unmistakably inane reveals mostly well-known figures from sports, politics, and popular culture with the proverbial foot in mouth, such as George Bush declaring that "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or the other," or Brooke Shields uttering "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- GenresHumorNonfictionReference
272 pages, Hardcover
First published August 1, 2004
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
January 29, 2011
1001? More like 21. The other 980 "dumbest things ever said" are not as dumb as they are slip-ups and mistakes of complete insignificance. And there's not one quote from G.W. Bush. Not one! And if it wasn't for this little section, the book would've received a one-star rating:
Attorney: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Doctor: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
Attorney: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Doctor: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Attorney: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Doctor: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
Attorney: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Doctor: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
January 29, 2015
This book is hilarious. I recommend it. I like it so much, that I'm going to tell you some of the things I DIDN'T like about it.
Some of the quotes are taken out of context. In context, they made sense. Some of them were not stupid at all, but the author apparently didn't understand them. For example, Grouchy Marks is quoted as saying that he wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member. In the first place, it was a joke, not a serious statement. Secondly, good old Groucho actually took that line (maybe not on purpose) from Abraham Lincoln, who once wrote in a letter to his aunt (if I recall correctly) that "I wouldn't marry anyone blockheaded enough to marry me."
Speaking of Abraham Lincoln, the book claims that he said "This is the sort of thing that would be liked by people who like that sort of thing" (or words to that effect). I have never heard of this quote from Lincoln, and I have read a lot about Lincoln. Lincoln, whatever his faults, was an intelligent, funny person, and is and was noted for his humorous lines. If he said that, he was joking, and meant something that was relevant in context. He did not say stupid things, even when he was wrong. That simply was not in his character.
A few of the quotes are the typical re-attributed lines, by which I mean lines that are stupid statements people find funny so they claim anyone they consider stupid to have said them. Such as lines attributed to every president since LBJ, and then attributed to Dan Quayle, George Bush (both George Bushes), and anyone else they don't like.
But all in all, this book made me laugh a lot. It's very worth reading.
Some of the quotes are taken out of context. In context, they made sense. Some of them were not stupid at all, but the author apparently didn't understand them. For example, Grouchy Marks is quoted as saying that he wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member. In the first place, it was a joke, not a serious statement. Secondly, good old Groucho actually took that line (maybe not on purpose) from Abraham Lincoln, who once wrote in a letter to his aunt (if I recall correctly) that "I wouldn't marry anyone blockheaded enough to marry me."
Speaking of Abraham Lincoln, the book claims that he said "This is the sort of thing that would be liked by people who like that sort of thing" (or words to that effect). I have never heard of this quote from Lincoln, and I have read a lot about Lincoln. Lincoln, whatever his faults, was an intelligent, funny person, and is and was noted for his humorous lines. If he said that, he was joking, and meant something that was relevant in context. He did not say stupid things, even when he was wrong. That simply was not in his character.
A few of the quotes are the typical re-attributed lines, by which I mean lines that are stupid statements people find funny so they claim anyone they consider stupid to have said them. Such as lines attributed to every president since LBJ, and then attributed to Dan Quayle, George Bush (both George Bushes), and anyone else they don't like.
But all in all, this book made me laugh a lot. It's very worth reading.
May 16, 2015
I bought this for my precocious 12 year old for Christmas, but over the following week, everyone in the family picked up this book and read it. Easy, light reading; intended to be humorous, but not sarcastic. It is organized by category. Lots of quips. A few gems.
It would be a great book for pre-teens; teens and adults, although teens and pre-teens will not know all of the people quoted. It would also be good for physician waiting rooms, or guest bathroom reading material.
It would be a great book for pre-teens; teens and adults, although teens and pre-teens will not know all of the people quoted. It would also be good for physician waiting rooms, or guest bathroom reading material.
August 14, 2015
Funny book you can read fairly quickly. Basically just a bunch of quotes that are ridiculously dumb!
July 25, 2020
Good for a few laughs.
July 9, 2023
We all said. Something stupid.
September 19, 2012
There are some pretty funny entries, but there are a lot of those "stupid answers by stupid students" and "sports people can't do percentages" kind of entries. A lot are also slips, that in context were corrected or hardly as egregious as the hyperbolic title suggests. Some entries were just a product of their time, or made more sense in context, or were weaker versions of those unintentionally funny quotes made strange by awkward grammar.
Entertaining overall, however.
Entertaining overall, however.
April 17, 2010
A typical book that is very hard to read; cover-to-cover. I found some of the entries interesting, but overall, a pretty weak book that doesn't introduce enough new stuff to be interesting. How many times do I have to read the 'how many computers were predicted in 1950...'
February 21, 2013
I really liked this book because there were a lot of very funny things that are so dumb is it hard to believe it was ever said. The book has a lot of quotes from famous people and seeing the dumb things they said is just very funny.
March 2, 2008
There is a little bit of everything in this book: from blunders by famous people to mistakes and errors of the common people. Overall, an amusing reading.
April 1, 2008
Oh my--just opening this book at random to several pages just now, I got the giggles. I love dumb people.
May 28, 2009
So far I laughed when reading, as I was telling my husb...
Oh sure I can think of many innocent explanations, but still! Hilarious.
Am still reading it!
Oh sure I can think of many innocent explanations, but still! Hilarious.
Am still reading it!
January 8, 2011
A few had me laughing out loud, but several were rehashed, and there were whole chapters that weren't attributed...
I prefer the Useless Information Society stuff, but it passed the time...
I prefer the Useless Information Society stuff, but it passed the time...
July 7, 2013
Cute, little book filled with some of the dumbest things ever said. A great way to make yourself feel better!
December 22, 2015
Fun book
February 17, 2021
This book is good for anyone who wants to learn from mistakes, especially by learning what not to say when being observed... in a humorous way.
July 29, 2011
It is sssoooooo funny!
June 10, 2011
Laugh out loud funny.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews